Halloween?--For or Against?

 

     Is it just me, or is Halloween a hotter topic of debate among Christians this year?  I am seeing more posts about it online than I ever have before.  I am seeing godly, well-intentioned people on both sides of the argument, and I'll say up front that it is not my place to demonize anyone (pun intended!).  However, I have also seen cruel and legalistic posts, particularly from the pro-Halloween crowd, almost implying that those who chose not to celebrate it are spiritually immature and that celebrating it somehow makes you more godly.  I disagree with the stance that what one does with Halloween--pro or con--is a mark of godliness.  Godliness is much deeper than that.  But all that aside, what do I believe about Halloween?  More importantly, what does the Bible teach?

     First, we need to separate fact from fiction. In short, Halloween began as the ancient Celtic festival Samhain, later blended with Christian observances like All Hallows' Eve, and eventually evolved into modern celebrations of jack-o'-lanterns, consumes, and trick-or-treating.  Samhain celebrated the harvest.  Sounds innocent enough.  However, the Celts who observed this festival believed that on October 31, the spirits of the dead were allowed to return to earth, and they wore costumes and lit bonfires to protect themselves. As Christianity spread into Celtic regions, people blended Christian traditions with their pagan practices.  Pope Gregory III moved All Saint's Day to November 1, making October 31 All Hallow's Eve, eventually shortened to Halloween.  Like many of our other customs, Halloween is a blend of pagan and misinformed Christian practices.  Celebrating Christ's birth on December 25 has a similar beginning of blending pagan celebrations and Christiaity, but Christmas is viewed much differently than Halloween. I will briefly address that later.

     It should be noted that very few people who celebrate Halloween actually believe they're hiding from ghosts, or that they think the dead walk the earth.  For most, it is a day of dressing up and getting candy.  For a lot of years, people, many Christians included, treated it as harmless.  I remember when I was three years old, our church had an actual haunted house (this was the early 80s, so I guess no one got the memo that Halloween was frowned-upon!).  The teenagers of the church dressed up as scary ghosts and jumped out and scared the little kids.  I remember being tiny, and being terrified they would pull all my teeth out (I'm not sure why I drew the conclusion they wanted to do that!).  

     I grew up in a Christian family, a close-knit neighborhood, and church community, and my parents let me trick-or-treat.  We weren't allowed to dress up as witches or anything evil, but we wore fun costumes and got candy.  Different years, I dressed up as a princess, a nurse, a bunny, a gypsy, an angel, and a 50s girl.  My siblings and I would go door to door with our neighbor friends.  One of the moms always went with us.  Our parents would go through our candy when we got home to make sure it was safe.  I didn't realize until I was 30 or so that they really thought it was all safe, but pretended to think some pieces weren't safe so that they could take them from us and eat them themselves!  Those days were a blast.  I have some fun memories.  Both then and now, many Christians viewed and continue to view Halloween as harmless fun.  Is it?  Do I still believe that?  Any why is Halloween being debated, while Christmas is largely enjoyed by Christians without the conflict? 

     I now feel uneasy about Halloween, not so much because of how it started (after all, most people aren't celebrating Samhain), but for the emphasis.  I'll explain.

    I said I'd return to Christmas, so lets use it as a comparison.   A person can celebrate Christmas without focusing on Jesus, and they still have jolliness, presents, fun, and cheer.  That isn't the true meaning, but it's lighthearted.  Bright colors, lights, singing, presents, and visiting family are not evil activities.  And for Christians, those things are the backdrop of honoring the birth of Jesus as the Savior who would come and die for our sins.  It is a day of remembering God keeping His promise to send a Savior, even though it is very unlikely Jesus' actual birthday would have been December 25th.  Besides that, there are a small amount of Christians who don't observe Christmas, but the debate isn't nearly as strong or polarizing as Halloween.  

    Halloween, on the other hand, is dark, focused on death, and making light of evil.  I remember for a while, the trend was for kids to dress up in a normal costume (a cheerleader, a king, etc.) and then put a grotesque scar on their forehead to represent death, so they're a dead version of whatever they dressed up as.  That is disgusting to play around with death.  Death is a permanent thing, and Bible calls it our enemy (First Corinthians 15:26).  Jesus conquered death--took the sting out of it  (First Corinthians 15:55-56).  Is death something Christians should play around with?  

     Beyond death itself, let's talk about witches and ghosts.  Second Corinthians 5:8 says clearly that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord (for believers).  Unbelievers at death go to Hades, a place of torment, until they one day face the Great White Throne judgment and are cast into the lake of fire (Luke 16:19-31, Revelation 20:11-15).  No deceased human, believer or unbeliever, is to be contacted.  The Bible very clearly forbids contacting the dead (Deuteronomy 18:10-12, Leviticus 19:31, Leviticus 20:6, Isaiah 8:19, First Samuel 28).  Witchcraft is also forbidden, and was punishable by death Exodus 22:18, Leviticus 20:27, as well as some of the previous scriptures mentioned about contacting the dead).  Making light of things God has forbidden isn't something we as Christians should be condoning.  I can't stand going to stores in October with disgusting decorations with gross-looking witches and horror.  

     As Christians, we are told to keep our mind on what is above (Colossians 3:2).  We are to meditate on things that are true, honorable, righteous, pure and lovely (Philippians 4:8).  We are to be the salt of the earth and light of the world (Matthew 5:13-16).  How can we expect to be that when we're  celebrating death, witches, and ghosts, things that are clearly not of God?  Ephesians 5:17 says, Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.  

     Spiritual warfare is real.  Angels and demons are real.  There is a battle going on around us all the time.  Ephesians 6 tells us to be strong in the Lord, to put on His armor, and recognize our enemy isn't another person,  but Satan and his followers.  I don't want to be invited in something that makes thos very real battle out to be a joke.  

     That is my take on Halloween.  There are godly people who see it as a ministry opportunity, having evangelistic outreaches at their churches for costumed youngsters.  Others, like my parents in the 80s and early 90s, honestly see traditional trick-or-treating as harmless fun.   October 31 is a day on the calendar.   It isn't magic.  It isn't evil.  It's what you do with it.  

     A lot of the posts I've seen lately mock people who don't celebrate Halloween, making us out to be legalistic at best, insane at worst.  Leave people to their convictions.  If you believe it isn't wrong to celebrate it, then celebrate it without ripping people apart ir making fun of their conckusions (or strawman you think are their conclusions, which is really what most of these posts are).  

     I am not anyone else's conscience.  No one is my enemy over this issue.  Do as God has led you and your family.  In all things give glory to God.  

Need A Little Jesus?

      "My Mommy says those are BAD!"  My little boy shouted at the Mardels Christian Bookstore.  He was vehemently pointing at the object in question.  Half the store had heard him, and looked, then looked at me in confusion and horror.  

     "How can that be bad!" A woman demanded, looking at me as if I might really be a witch, or a demon.   

     I blushed, trying to quiet my son and end this scene.  

     Embarrassingly, this scene has repeated itself a few times, in a few places.  

     What object did Tommy see at Mardels (and other places) and shout about?  What did I say was "bad" in the first place?  Well...

    Almost overnight, they popped up everywhere.  Little toy Jesuses.  Several businesses we frequent have these miniature Jesus toys in strategic spots, supposedly watching all that goes on.  Perhaps they're meant as a warning "Jesus is watching you!"  Or perhaps they're supposed to bring comfort, "Jesus is with you."  I've known people who give them out and say, "Here, need a little Jesus in your life?"  

     I believe the intent most have is good.  While the idea can seem endearing, even cute, I find these Jesus figures concerning, and will not let my son have them, nor allow them displayed in my home or classrooms.  

     We're told in Exodus 20:4-5a, You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them... This is specifically talking about idol worship.  Most people with toy Jesuses aren't trying to worship an idol.  But they've made an image of the One who deserves all our worship.  

     In Colossians 1:15, we are told that Jesus is the image of the invisible God.   Jesus, God the Son, became a man, lived a perfect life, willingly carried our sin, died on the cross, and rose again the third day.  Jesus is called Immanuel, God with us.  He is the image.  Why make an image of the image?  After Jesus ascended to Heaven, He sent the Holy Spirit to indwell all believers.  The Holy Spirit, not a little figurine, points us back to the Savior.  

     When we see Jesus, either at death or upon His return, He will be glorious, not a silly figurine that caricatures how He MIGHT have looked at His first coming.  It is clear that the glorified Christ will evoke awe.  The Apostle John (who spent years with Jesus during his earthly ministry) passed out.  Read what he wrote about this from Revelation 1:12-18: I turned around to see the voice that was speaking to me. And when I turned I saw seven golden lampstands, and among the lampstands was someone like a son of man, dressed in a robe reaching down to his feet and with a golden sash around his chest. The hair on his head was white like wool, as white as snow, and his eyes were like blazing fire. His feet were like bronze glowing in a furnace, and his voice was like the sound of rushing waters.  In his right hand he held seven stars, and coming out of his mouth was a sharp, double-edged sword. His face was like the sun shining in all its brilliance.  When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead. Then he placed his right hand on me and said: “Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last.  I am the Living One; I was dead, and now look, I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades.

     Reading that passage, do you think the Apostle John would find these Jesus toys appropriate after seeing the real thing?  A rubber toy Jesus has nothing on the One who holds the keys of death and Hades.

     Besides the Bible, my favorite books are The Chronicles of Narnia, by C.S. Lewis.  These allegorical books represent the Christian life.  The Lion, Aslan, represents Christ.  In The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe (book 1 or book 2, depending on which accepted order you read them in), Mr. and Mrs. Beaver tell the children about Aslan, and when the children realize Aslan is a lion, they ask if He is safe.  Mr. Beaver replies, "'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."  I think reducing Jesus to a toy makes Him safe, fun, on the same level as a teddy bear or action figure.  He isn't safe!  He isn't tame.  Presenting Him as such is dangerous, irreverent,  and sacrilegious.   

     Ask the Living Lord to reveal Himself to You, in as much glory as your earthly self can manage.  I don't think you'll be satisfied with graven images anymore.  

Battles

     It was Bernice, timidly making her way toward the young pastor and his new flock. By the quiet surrender in her eyes, Tal could see she was ready. Soon the angels would be rejoicing…

     The General asked with pleasure in his voice, “Shall we be going?”

     Tal was looking at Hank when he said, “Just a moment. I want to hear it one more time.”

     As they watched, Bernice found her way to Hank and Mary. She began to weep openly, and spoke some quiet but impassioned words to them. Hank and Mary listened, as did the others nearby, and as they listened, they began to smile. They put their arms around her, they told her about Jesus, and then they began to weep as well. Finally, as the saints were gathered and Bernice was surrounded with loving arms, Hank said the words, “Let’s pray…”

—This Present Darkness, by Frank Peretti

     The above quotation is from one of my husband’s and my favorite Christian novels. In it, the characters go through a major spiritual battle and ultimately come out victorious. Interestingly, much of the story isn’t told from their viewpoint, but from that of the angels. The reader sees the battle between angels and demons, God and Satan. The Christians in the story never see the full scope, but this quotation from the last page gave them a glimpse. They fought a huge battle, and one of the fruits was Bernice’s salvation. I’m working toward a point, not merely reviewing a book.

     Think about that person who shared Christ with you. What kind of day do you think they had? 

     This person, knowingly or not, was being used of God to lead you out of darkness into Light (1 Peter 2:9). Satan hates that! 

     The devil and his demons don’t know everything. They’re not equal in power to God (who is all-knowing), but I believe they see God working, and they fight it.

     1 Peter 5:8 says, Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour. Ephesians 6:11 says we need the armor of God to stand against the devil’s schemes. Satan is a schemer who has been fighting God from the beginning (Genesis 3). Revelation 12:10 says Satan is our accuser. John 8:44 refers to him as the father of lies. This enemy is fighting God as He works in our lives, and that includes those who actively share the Gospel with us.

     Think about what God was doing when you were saved. He was softening your heart, bringing truths learned to memory, preparing you to hear and receive the Gospel. And think about what He was doing in the life of the person who shared with you. He was preparing their heart and mind to be ready to evangelize, perhaps bringing Scripture to mind that they would use to share with you.

     Satan can’t see and know all God is up to, but I believe he saw you that day, and he saw the person who was going to share with you. I believe he had an idea of what God was brewing and wanted to fight it.

     Maybe he put a stumbling block or temptation in that person’s life. Maybe he discouraged them. Maybe he whispered lies to their mind that they struggled not to believe. Maybe he used someone else in their life to disorient them. Maybe they had been through the battle of a lifetime, like the characters in This Present Darkness.

     I can just see that person, feeling defeated, and then coming across you. It’s as if the Holy Spirit whispers to their heart, “This is My plan for you right now! Go in victory!” And all the battle-weariness and defeat falls away for the moment. They tell you about Jesus. You listen and believe. You trust in the finished work of Christ on Calvary for your salvation (Acts 16:31). You are a child of God, never to be lost again (John 1:12; Luke 15:24)! Angels rejoice (Luke 15:7), and your name, which had been written in Heaven from before the foundation of the world, has a new fulfillment there (Philippians 4:3; Ephesians 1:4).

     For the rest of your life, you think of this person who introduced you to Jesus. In your mind, they are a hero, standing ten feet tall! They obeyed the Great Commission and the prompting of the Holy Spirit.

     What you don’t know is how defeated they felt, how the enemy leveraged their weaknesses against them. How they were close to despairing of life. The Apostle Paul shared that about his experience during ministry in 2 Corinthians 1:8: …that we were pressed beyond measure, beyond strength, insomuch that we despaired even of life.

     Years ago, in my early 20s, I was in a very deep depression. A man I had planned to marry had betrayed me and in doing so had broken my heart, spirit, and mind. The Christian community around us at the time took his side, and I was left in the gutter (so to speak), despised. I woke up every day asking God to take me home to Heaven before the day was over, because life hurt more than death. No one understood. My chest was heavy all the time, and it never let up. I felt alone. Any time another person wasn’t in earshot, I was crying. 

     Satan threw all kinds of fiery darts at me. One particular day I got a gossipy letter about this ex-boyfriend that really hit my weakest point.  Another day I received a Christian magazine featuring a story about him and how great he supposedly was. Those things put me in the lowest of low places, and I struggled with suicide. I needed the armor of God deeply and had to believe God over the defeat around me.

     In the midst of this, I was leading a group of summer missionaries doing 5-day Bible clubs. One girl on the team, Heather, was enthusiastic and fun, and I loved having her. What I had no idea about at the time was that she wasn’t saved. She thought she was. She was a member of a good church, but she had never understood the Gospel for herself. Through doing a 5-day club and sharing the Gospel, she received Christ as her own Savior. As the truth dawned on her, she began to cry, and the kids in the club began to cry. Several received Christ that day, and as Heather led them to Him, she led herself to Him too. I just thought, “Wow, she’s passionate.” But she was actually getting saved. I was in charge of that team and was involved deeply in her early discipleship as a new Christian and future missionary. 

     Satan hated what was happening. I didn’t even know what was happening until much later. But now, seeing that battle and victory in Heather’s life, is it any wonder Satan was attacking me so strongly then? Is it any wonder I was pressured to the point of despairing of life? I went through tons of battles that summer, but it was all worth it for Heather to know Christ, and for her to have the thriving family and ministry she now has. I had no idea what God was doing. No one looking at me knew my internal battles either.

     That was long ago, and God has long since brought healing to my heart over that situation. I am eternally grateful I didn’t marry that past boyfriend. Walter is perfect for me and the one God had for me all along. All the same, that was a hard season, though long gone. But new situations arise.

     I’m going to be open here. The first half of 2026 was a nightmare for me. I had to be very careful what I said at the time, and I am still going to be careful, but I want to share my story. Names will not be used, nor will revealing details. This is my story, told honestly from my perspective. This is how I experienced it, but I am not attempting to assign motives or expose anyone.

     I had been in a situation where I impacted some children with the Gospel. Over the course of two years, thirteen professed saving faith and really grew spiritually and showed evidence of salvation. Several were baptized at their churches after their salvation, and I was invited to watch! A few different parents thanked me for sharing the Gospel with their children. I continue to have wonderful relationships with most of these families.

     All was not well with everyone. One family accused me of harming their child by teaching him about Jesus—claiming my influence was so dangerous it could lead to serious harm. They even suggested I was creating some kind of widespread risk among the children by encouraging them to love God. The way they said it, the tone, the finger-pointing—it was humiliating and ugly. Some of what they said was even meaner than I can bring myself to repeat here. A lot of it felt like mockery to me.

     By itself, this confrontation led to weeks of regular nightmares and total humiliation. But it didn’t stop there.

     A series of events led to me falling from favor in that ministry setting. I was confronted about how I had handled the situation, and the feedback I received felt far heavier than the situation warranted. I believe I was held accountable beyond what my responsibility was. I addressed the concerns raised against me with clarity, logic, and evidence. I honestly believe the truth was on my side.  In the end, I lost my place in that particular ministry.

     The remaining time was marked by distance and silence from those in leadership. My son also felt the rejection. It has taken a summer of therapy for me even to be able to write this much. Our whole family was wounded. If I’m being completely honest, I’m still limping spiritually.

     God always has a place for us to land, and He provided one. We are well and even thriving now. But the cost was real.

     Those thirteen children who placed their eternal hope in Christ alone are worth what happened. Just like Heather years ago, I know eternity is worth it. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us (Romans 8:18).

     We are fighting a battle when we win souls for the kingdom. We have an enemy. Pray for those who share the Gospel. And as you share, put on the armor of God! Remember, as Elisha pointed out in 2 Kings 6:16, “Do not be afraid, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” In that instance, the enemy was coming to attack God’s people, and Elisha’s servant was terrified, but Elisha spoke the truth, and then he prayed that God would open the servant’s eyes, and He did! The servant saw chariots of fire—God’s warriors, fighting for His people! That is true for us today. There are more with us than with our enemies.

     One final reminder.  Fellow Christians are not our enemies, even if the real enemy uses us against each other.  Others who know Jesus are worthy of our forgiveness and love, no matter what.  Being close may not be possible, but forgiveness is.  Even non-Christian humans are not our enemies.  Ephesians 6:12 says that we don't wrestle against flesh and blood.  Look at the real battle, and cling to the Savior who defeated him.  

 

Ladies and Gentlemen

"What about Deborah?  What about Queen Esther?  What about the prophetesses like Hulda and Anna?  What about Priscilla?"  These are the responses I am hearing right now from all over the place.  Well, what about them?  They were women used mightily of God in the Bible, a biblical basis that God does call and use women for His glory and ministry of reconciling a lost world to Himself!  

Why are these biblical women being mentioned in memes, blogs, and podcasts all of a sudden?  Therein lies the tale.  This summer, two prominent denominations made it clear that in their by-laws, the role of a pastor would be reserved for qualified men.  This has made Christendom blow up in outrage.  

Last month (June 2026) both the Southern Baptist Convention (my denomination, and for which my husband is a pastor) and the Presbyterian Church in America (which I deeply respect) took clear stands that the office of pastor/elder/overseer is restricted to qualified men. I agree with them. What has surprised me is not the decisions themselves—both denominations have long held this view—but the intensity of the reaction. Some have treated the reaffirmation of a historic, biblical practice as if it were a fresh assault on human dignity.

It is not.

In context (reacting to these denominations' position about pastors being male), bringing up these biblical women to protest is a fallacy, because none of these women mentioned in scripture were pastors of a New Testament church.  Citing them is not a case in favor of women pastors--though it is an excellent case for women serving in various ministry roles.  If someone reading scripture believes women are permitted by God to be pastors, they should prove it logically and biblically, rather than throwing around women who aren't in the role in question.  

Also, these people making these claims online are dealing with a strawman that says these denominations won't allow women to serve the Lord in any capacity, and are using the phrase "women in ministry" to mean women pastors, totally ignoring the MULTIPLE ways women can be in ministry without being the pastor of a church.  To put it simply, the Southern Baptist Convection and the Presbyterian Church in America absolutely affirm women in various ministries.  Just not elders/overseers/pastors.  The outraged folks are misrepresenting the stand these churches have taken simply because they don't like it.  It is anyone's prerogative to disagree, but not to misrepresent the truth.  Sadly this is happening.

The details in a nutshell (links to more in-depth articles at the end of this blog post): In June 2026 the SBC messengers adopted the Truth and Unity Amendment, requiring cooperating churches not to “affirm, appoint, or endorse a woman serving in the office or function of a pastor/elder/overseer, specifically preaching to the assembled congregation.” They also passed a resolution explicitly reaffirming that “the office of pastor/elder/overseer is limited to men as qualified by Scripture” and that pastoral oversight, preaching, and teaching of the gathered church are inseparable from that office. The PCA, meeting the same month, rejected proposals to open the diaconate to women, reaffirmed that its ordained offices remain open only to men, and formally declared the Danvers Statement a biblically faithful declaration. These were not innovations. They were clarifications and reaffirmations of convictions already present in the Baptist Faith and Message 2000 and the PCA’s Book of Church Order.

I agree with the SBC and PCA, but I know many goldy Christians who do not. You know what? That's okay. Some honestly believe the passages we use to support our position are being used incorrectly. If they have integrity in their position, I respect that, even if I have drawn a different conclusion about what I believe scripture teaches on this issue. My husband and I are local missionaries for Child Evangelism Fellowship (in addition to him being a Southern Baptist pastor), and we partner with a wide variety of Bible-believing churches with many different positions about many different things. The only requirement for us to be able to partner with them is that they sign our statement of faith and ministry compliance agreement (and individuals complete background checks, of course). We are used to all kinds of godly people who don't necessarily share our beliefs on all issues. We have gotten so much richness in our own lives from knowing these valuable believers. One of my very dearest friends and ministry colleagues here is a female pastor, and one of our most treasured board members is a female pastor. So I do not say any of what I'm saying here to villainize those who hold different views about female pastors.

The reason we hold the view we do is because of the pastoral epistles, such as First Timothy 2:11-14, Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. Or the qualifications of a pastor in First Timothy 3 and Titus 1 (which are clearly men--IE husband of one wife, etc.).  It is true that First Timothy 3 and Titus 1 do not expressly say, "No women allowed."  But the implication is that the position is for a man.  Some also look at the broader pattern of male headship rooted in creation.  That is definitely something many have debated and discussed.  

Many who are ranting online about this are using faulty logic, as I've already pointed out.  I have read comments such as, "Well God can call women to pastor anyway, so what do you say about THAT?"  Okay, lets look at that.  Assume for a moment that the SBC and PCA are correct (which I believe they are, but you may not, so just bear with me).  If the Bible does in fact affirm that the pastor/elder role is for a male, and the passages in First Timothy and Titus are not just cultural or in a different context, God will not work against His authoritative word.  So throwing out "Well I'm called to be a woman pastor!" is not the logical way to win this.  We would shoot that down with the scriptures that refute the claim.  Instead, if you honestly believe women are called by God to pastor, the burden of proof rests on you to biblically prove that.  Show me from the Bible (without mentioning Deborah, Esther, etc.) that God sanctions women being pastors (or elders, since that is the biblical term). You are not proving God uses women--we all believe He does.  You are not proving women can be called into minsitry--we all believe they can.   Show me that scripturally why you believe a woman can be a pastor, and why we are mistaken in taking what First Timothy and Titus say as our rule in this.  Go deep.  I'm honestly open to that.  I'm not being sarcastic or nasty, but I am logically refuting the emotionally-charged responses I'm seeing. 

I get concerned with some of the arguments being used.  They are actually similar to the ones used by advocates of the LGBT (etc) position.  People who want to claim homosexual relationships are God's will and plan will say, "Well Jesus never spoke against homosexuality!" And yet He did.  In Matthew 19:1-9, Jesus affirmed God's perfect design for marriage as being between one man and one woman for life.  There is no allowance made there or anywhere else in the entire Bible for homosexual relationships--not to mention the many passages that make it abundantly and explicitly clear it is not God's will (Leviticus 18:22, Leviticus 20:13, Romans 1:26-27, etc.).  They take what they see as an absence (because they're not reading the entire Bible) and build a case on it being acceptable.  People arguing against the SBC and PCA are doing the same thing.  They're claiming "The Bible doesn't say a woman can't be a pastor!"  The words A woman can't be a pastor aren't there, but I have already pointed out First Timohty 2:11-14, which many take as a pretty strong case.  But even without that, the passages about pastoral qualifications refer to men.  There is nowhere it expressly allows women pastors.  

Another concern is this.  Both the SBC and PCA have many godly, influential women serving the Lord.  Women are not muzzled.  There is one position they are restricted from.  And that's the one thing everyone is crying foul over.  It reminds me a lot of Adam and Eve eating from the one tree God told them not to eat out of, instead of enjoying all the ones they could.  The focus here is all wrong.  Maybe women can do things men can do--but that doesn't mean they're called to.  The same is true for men and women's callings.  

I have had some disgruntled people tell me that the SBC (which we are part of) will force me to step down from my position with Child Evangelism Fellowship.  That is weird!  That is out of proportion to the situation.  CEF has no relation to the Southern Baptist Convention.  The SBC just wants their churches run biblically.  They aren't forcing their members out of positions outside their scope.  People are taking things to the extreme on this.  

I do not like the terms egalitarian and complementarian, because they are loaded, but they are realities we deal with.  Both are positions within Christianity.  The egalitarian position would say that men and women are 100% equal in capability and roles, and nothing is off-limits for either.  The complementarian position would say that men and women are equal in value, but have distinct God-given roles.  Both can be taken to the extreme degree, and the lines can also be blurred between the two positions, depending on the context.  My concern in anything is that one's view be informed by scripture.  I lean toward believing the complementarian view is more scriptural myself.  But because these positions themselves are not directly in the Bible, context matters, and situations matter.  

One thing that concerns me with the hostility I have been shown as a Southern Baptist who agrees with the vote is that people are ignoring our religious liberty.  That is our First Amendment Right.  If one doesn't agree with us, they are free to find fellowship at a church they do agree with.  But they really need to leave people to their convictions.  That is freedom.  This isn't a human rights issue.  How we structure our churches is not the concern of those on the outside.  No one is held hostage.  No one is forced to stay.  No laws are being broken in the choice to relegate the position of pastor to a male.  And most of these complainers are professing Christians.  If they are really Christians, they need to respect other believers' integrity, even if they believe we are wrong.  Romans 14 is so clear about that. Trying to force us to adopt something outside our convictions is wrong.  For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin. (Romans 14:23).  If they believe we are in error, they should address us as beloved brothers and sisters in Christ.  Let all that you do be done in love. (First Corinthians 6:14).  I'm not seeing a lot of love from my egalitarian friends on this issue.  

Empowerment doesn't come from being allowed to do whatever you want and hold any role you want.  It comes from love.  The most empowered I ever felt was at a Fundamental Baptist church I was part of in high school and early adulthood.  That pastor was KJV-preferred (strongly, but not quite KJV only), and had strong views of women's roles, even more than the SBC and PCA.  He would not allow women to teach males over 6th grade.  He felt that in junior high, males were men, and he believed that violated scripture.  Our high school Sunday school teachers were a husband and wife who taught together.  One day, the husband woke up sick so only the wife came to church.  The pastor wouldn't let the high school boys go to Sunday school, but let the girls, since it was a woman teacher without a man.  He wouldn't let a woman talk on the platform for more than five minutes.  He believed if it crossed that line, it would be preaching, thus violating scripture.  Do I agree with the extremity of this?  No.  I think it seems legalistic and a bit arbitrary (such as, why five minutes?  Why junior high up being men? etc.).  But this man had convictions.  He did what he believed was right.  He did not hold a lesser view of women.  He treated the women in our church with great respect.  As a teenager and young adult, I was empowered by this man.  He took our youth group out to do evangelism, and told us he was proud of us.  He would teach us God's word, and pray with us.  He was kind, and thought the world of us.  When I did a mission trip, he told me in front of the whole church that I was his hero.  That has stayed with me forever.  I had been rejected by a more "cool" church prior to attending this one (see my last post about being too nerdy!), but this pastor loved, affirmed and praised me for my heart to serve the Lord.  He genuinely loved us.  I would never have gone into missions or ministry without him in my life.  I remember during one of the hardest tests I faced, where I was in trouble at work for my Christian witness, this pastor encouraged me, and kept me in the Word so I could fight like Paul and Peter did in Acts.  As I said, empowerment comes from that kind of love.  We don't have to agree with someone's convictions to be profoundly impacted by them and love them.  

Women in our churches are not second-class citizens. They are co-heirs of the grace of life, gifted by the Spirit, and essential to the health of the body. The restriction on the eldership does not erase that reality. It simply orders the church according to the pattern God has revealed. Those who find that pattern offensive may leave for other fellowships. What they should not do is demand that confessional denominations rewrite their own confessions to match the spirit of the age.

For info on the SBC's vote click here or here.

For info on the PCA's vote click here or here.

Too Nerdy for Some Chruches--My Story

Me in kindergarten (1987) and a few days ago (2026).  

I have spent my entire life being a nerd.

Not the sanitized “Disney smart girl” version. Not the trendy internet version where someone wears glasses ironically and calls herself quirky. I mean a real nerd (starting before there even was an internet, and before Disney tried to make it "cool").  I was and am the kind of nerd who never quite understands the social rules, makes multiple faux pas, thinks too intensely, talks too deeply, cares too much, and cannot seem to stop being visibly herself no matter how hard she tries to blend in (not that I exactly wanted to blend in, but I never realize in real time how out of sync I look).

Even when I try to look polished for a special occasion, I still somehow look like a nerd. I have accepted this. In fact, I like it.  I like my big glasses (I just pick the frames that are "me" and that's what I end up with), my awkward accessories, my unfashionable yet still somehow attractive-on-me clothes, my visible intellectualism. It's my look.  My husband met me in full nerd glory and fell instantly for me. Accepting myself this way has never been my problem, but getting past the dark side of it has been painful.

A picture of Walter and me during our long-ago engagement period.  This was months after we had met, but I actually look like I did the day we had met, with that awkward knit headband that looks like ear-warmers, dominant glasses, tacky earrings, and (yikes) diagonal stripes.  I still think I look really pretty though.  And even though I can see in the picture how my look is chaotic and a lot to take in, I can never tell in the moment and would totally style myself like this again.  I do it all the time and am shocked by pictures!  

Because there is a dark side to being a Christian nerd.

The strange thing is that I have rarely struggled in secular environments. Unsaved neighbors and college friends were generally nice.  Secular jobs have praised me, promoted me, given me raises, and treated me like royalty. I connect deeply with people. I work hard. I care intensely. Children love me. Students remember me years later. I mentor well. I teach passionately. In doing ministry to unsaved people, I have repeatedly seen children come to love God’s Word through my influence.

And yet over and over again, I have found myself rejected in Christian environments.

Not because I denied the faith. Not because I was immoral. Not because I was lazy or apathetic. Quite the opposite. I was often “too much” specifically because I cared so deeply.

This is hard to share this bluntly, but when I was fourteen, I got kicked out of a church for witnessing. It was more involved than just that.  It was a power struggle.  My father was told that I was “too different” and that no one could be expected to accept someone as strange as me. I was regularly called “nerd” and “geek.” The irony is that I was not some rebellious atheist kid trying to destroy the church. I was a sweet, nerdy girl who loved Jesus and wanted people saved.

I used to walk through department stores and write “Jesus Saves” on Magna Doodles in the toy aisle because I wanted strangers to encounter the Gospel.

That is either adorable or embarrassing depending on who is reading this.

Probably both.

But that was me.  I was told I wasn't normal enough (but my thought was, "Who wants to be normal?")

I was the girl with awkwardly crimped bangs, layered vests, five-dollar vocabulary, and a brain that never shut off. I loved theology. I loved evangelism. I loved Scripture. I loved people. I was also socially awkward, intense, visually (and cluelessly) very nerdy and completely incapable of becoming cool (good thing I never wanted or valued coolness).

1995--me as a teen nerd girl in a formal but unfashionable ensemble.  I think I was very pretty, actually.  Believe it or not, I got attention from boys (cute nerd boys that I found adorable too).  

Later, as an adult, I was kicked out of a very cliquish women's Bible study for not fitting in.  I had been pegged as the nerd in the group by the very snooty leader.   It was really juvenile.  

I know many of these Christians I've mentioned--who believed I didn't fit the mold--were sincere and thought they were protecting the culture of the ministry. Church culture often values conformity more than it realizes. Even so, their discomfort with my visible differences and personality often translated into real rejection. That hurt deeply, and I mattered too. Not every exclusion was innocent; some of it carried real malice. Still, God has always used flawed, broken people — even when they wound others — to accomplish His purposes.

I think people often confuse “different” with “dangerous.”

Especially in Christian subcultures.

A socially awkward person who stays quiet and weak is often tolerated. But a socially awkward nerd who is strong-minded, conviction-driven, influential, and unwilling to surrender his or her identity can become threatening very quickly. I don't want trouble, but I will make a stand if something isn't right, or doesn't line up.  I follow things to their logical conclusions and point out fallacies (all while unwittingly looking like a geeky sitcom character--or, as many compared me to, Velma from Scooby Doo!). That doesn't always endear me to everyone.  I think my appearance itself became symbolic. My eccentric lack of trend alliance announced something before I ever spoke:

“This person is not easily controllable.”

I have been in many situations where I never quite fit the culture no matter how hard I tried. I did exactly what these institutions claimed to value. I taught Scripture passionately. I loved children deeply.  I received very high praise from those served.  

And yet I still felt outside.

That is the dark side of being a Christian nerd. You can bear real fruit while still feeling perpetually out of sync socially. You can be used mightily of God to change lives for eternity while still feeling vaguely rejected by the system around you. You can sincerely love Christ and still feel like people are constantly trying to sand down the visible edges of who you are.  I cannot tell you how many people wanted me to burn my wardrobe, get contact lenses and get a makeover (claiming I'd never find love until I did).  Joke's on them--I married my soulmate without any of those changes, and he is deeply attracted to me as I am (and the feeling's mutual). 

We make a pretty good matched set if I do say so myself.  

It was actually hurtful to have well-meaning people imply I wasn't good enough and needed to be changed to meet their standard of beauty. Ronans 14:4 says, Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand. I hear this verse used a lot to say you shouldn't judge fellow Christians if they take a different stand than you do on alcohol consumption or something like that. But let's apply it to geeky Christians who don't want a makeover too! Let them be themselves without commentary, please.

God has used this intense, nerdy mind He gave me to teach His Word, love children, and reach people who might not connect with a more conventional messenger. He chooses His servants for His glory. Vessels of honor (Second Timothy 2:21).

I've never been formally diagnosed, but for the last several years I’ve suspected I might be on the autism spectrum. So much of my life — the lifelong social awkwardness, the intense interests, the way I’ve always felt “out of sync” even in rooms full of kind people — suddenly makes more sense when viewed through that lens. Whether or not I ever get an official diagnosis, I’ve come to see this part of how God made me as a superpower rather than a defect. I share this not to label myself, but because it might help others who’ve felt the same way.

This same nerdy intensity shows up in everyday things too. For an example, I’m terrified of ever overdrawing my bank account (it has never happened), so I check my balance daily (sometimes more than once daily) and manually subtract every outstanding transaction to make sure my math is correct. It’s one small way my brain tries to create order and certainty in a world that often feels unpredictable

A good thing my social awkwardness has accomplished is made me totally dependent on God.  I see it this way:  I can't even understand or follow unspoken social rules that everyone else seems to "get" effortlessly.  I can't put together a cohesive outfit or look "normal".  How can I possibly make it through life on my own?  I can't!  I need God for everything, and so do you (awkward nerd or not).   We are told in Proverbs 3:5-6, Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding;  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and he shall direct your paths.  I'm already oriented toward leaning on Him, and I thank God for making me this way.  

For years I wondered if the rejections I've felt from some Christian institutions meant God Himself was rejecting me. If perhaps all my efforts were “wood, hay, and stubble” because I was too weird, too awkward, too intense, too visibly nerdy. But I no longer think God despises the nerd girl He created (I actually never theologically thought He did, but it can be hard detaching God from His flawed people). 

I think He made me exactly as I am.

Not accidentally.

Not as a mistake.

Not as a failed glamorous woman.

But as a nerd girl with a loud mind, a tender conscience, a love for Scripture, and a refusal to become fake for acceptance.

Even in the middle of those painful rejections, I’ve learned something important: I always eventually find my people.

They’re rarely the ones in the most polished, popular Christian circles. Instead, they tend to be other deep thinkers, fellow awkward nerds, passionate Bible students, and people who love Jesus with their whole messy hearts. Some of them are neurodivergent like I suspect I am. Some are just gloriously unconventional. Over the years I’ve found them in homeschool co-ops, online theology groups, children’s ministry, and quiet corners of churches where the “cool” ones don’t usually hang out. When I do find them, the connection is rich and real. They don’t ask me to shrink. They let me talk about Scripture, or about things like infralapsarian vs supralapsarian for three hours straight if I want to. And I do the same for them. Those friendships have been some of God’s kindest gifts to me.

The very best of these kindred spirit relationships has been my husband. I love our story. A few different mutual friends who didn't even know each other knew we had to meet! One friend finally invited us both to her party. We started talking, and when we looked up, four hours had passed and the party was over! He got my number, and a few nights later, he called, and we talked on the phone all night! Our first date was a few days after that, and we stayed in the restaurant until it closed at midnight. We were engaged within weeks, married within months. We are soulmates, and we still have that bond that can keep us in gripping conversation late into the night. We are blessed to get to serve in ministry together as well. I am so thankful for our story, which I believe God wrote for us before he created the world!

First Samuel 16:7 says that man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.  That is such an encouragement to anyone with a heart for God, but who has ever felt underestimated for their appearance or the way they come across.  

I don't always understand how Christians can hurt or reject each other, but I don't have to sort it out.  The Apostles conflicted and parted ways too sometimes in Acts, and it was used for God's glory.  God still has a plan for me, even if I don't fit into every environment.  

And perhaps there are others like me sitting quietly in churches and ministries right now wondering whether being “too different” makes them spiritually defective.  Maybe you don't share my problem of looking like the geeky sitcom character.   Maybe you're being made to feel "too much" in another way.  

God used so many people in scripture, with so many idiosyncrasies.  John the Baptist wasn't a very conventional dresser (Mark 1:6)!  Elijah was intense and moody (First Kings 19).  You are made in His image (Genesis 1:27)!  You are His workmanship (Ephesians 2:10).  Our worth doesn’t come from fitting into Christian subculture. It comes from being hidden in Christ — the same Lord who chose fishermen, tax collectors, and a wildly dressed desert prophet to advance His kingdom.  Let Christ sanctify You, and within that, embrace who He made you to be!  Jesus has chosen you for His glory!  

Samson...AD

      This week, my first grade class was studying Samson in Bible (Judges 13-16).  It's always an exciting one to teach.  It reads almost like an action adventure story.  From Samson ripping apart a lion (later finding honey inside it), to his riddle at his wedding (and his tantrum with his guests got the answer from his bride), to those poor foxes he tied together and set on fire to destroy the Philistine's field, to his killing 1000 Philistines with the jawbone of a donkey, to his carrying the gate of Gaza, to his tryst with Delilah, to his foolishness in continuing to TRUST Delilah after she proved she would do what she could to remove his strength, to his capture, and last display of strength in destroying the Philistine temple (thus killing himself and them), it was quite a ride!  

       We read the story directly from scripture.  We read some commentary given by our school's Bible curriculum.  Today, I planned for us to have a more direct talk about the lessons gleaned from Samson.  What I was GOING to say was essentially: Samson judged Israel and largely defeated the Philistines, but he isn't usually know for that.  He was known for goofing it up and making wrong choices.  I was going to challenge them to do things God's way.  I was going to end with this cute little rhyming analogy: Sin Blinds (since the Philistines gouged out his eyes--and in our lives, sin doesn't want us to see the consequences, only the moment of pleasure it might give us), Sin Binds (because the Philistines bound him and imprisoned him, and that's what sin does to us), and Sin Grinds (Because Samson ground grain in the prison--and sin grinds away at our lives).  But before I taught it, the Lord laid something completely different on my heart than this little warning.  

     I read Hebrews 11:32-33 which says, And what more shall I say? For time would fail me to tell of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, of David and Samuel and the prophets— who through faith conquered kingdoms, enforced justice, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions,  The passage continues from there to talk about the results of those who lived by faith.  But notice that Samson is included in this passage.  He is in the "Hall of Faith" as it is often called--Old Testament believers who are commended for believing God's promises. 

     Samson did not live an exemplary life by most people's standards.  My first graders were able to pick out the areas of wrongdoing: he married an unbeliever, he touched dead bodies multiple times as a Nazarite who was under a sacred vow not to touch them (the lion carcass and the jawbone were dead!).  He threw a tantrum when the wedding guests got his riddle.  He tormented those poor foxes!  He kept trusting Delilah (yet another ungodly woman he fell for).  These are things my first graders picked out.  And we can learn lessons of how not to live from this.  I believe we are called to holiness, and Samson's choices did not reflect holiness.  However, I think there's an even greater lesson here.

     One of my first graders said plainly, "Samson got his strength back and killed all those Philistines once and for all because he believed God one last time."  Samson believed God.  That's all it takes.  Not perfect performance (we can't give that).  Samson was one of God's people, and as such, he no doubt believed in the Promised Savior (Jesus) for salvation, just as we look back on Him and His finished work for our salvation.  Before the cross, Samson's flaws are recorded and portrayed.  But in Hebrews--after the cross--Samson is seen as a hero of faith.  The Blood of Jesus totally changed his story!  And it changes ours!  If we have faith--like Samson did--we are in the righteousness of Christ!  Our sins are gone forever!  We are seen as blameless!  Second Corinthians 5:21 says, For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.  I believe that is the real message Samson can teach us.  

Flattened

   For years, I could never articulate why that preacher bothered me.  I agreed with him on most of the "bullet points" of the faith--certainly with all the "essential" doctrines for salvation.  And yet every time I heard him preach, or had contact with any of his members while going about my ministry, I felt frustrated, almost like I wanted to argue with them.  I am currently reading a book endorsed by this particular preacher, and I am seeing the same patterns, and I finally realized what the issue is.  This pastor, this author, and many other people flatten others into stereotypes that aren't true or fair--those they disagree with--those with any different view, even something minimally different.  They misrepresent others, rather than understanding them.  Right off the bat, I have a problem with it.  We're told in Second Timothy 2:24-25, The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth.

     It is always a temptation to flatten people we don't agree with into caricatures.  To simplify their view into something foolish-sounding, and treat those who hold their view as simple-minded fools who didn't even think through their position.  Along with this, people's motives are often assumed and simplified, rather than understood.  This isn't right.  Proverbs 18:13 says, He who gives an answer before he hears, It is folly and shame to him.

     People of various religions and worldviews do this flattening of others.  Some examples are:

     * As a Conservative Republican, I often encounter Liberal Democrats who imply that I'm an idiot for not holding their view, without wanting to understand how I arrived at my conclusion.  The few I have met who want dialogue, I have liked very much, and they have liked me, even though neither of us changed our views.  For the record, I know Conservatives often do the same simplification and misjudgment to Liberals.  

     *As another example, my mother was a strong advocate of homeschooling in the 80s and 90s, and eventually somewhat of a leader.  People who didn't like homeschooling flattened her into a control freak who wanted to manipulate her children's lives and didn't want them to have any life outside of her control, which couldn't have been further from the truth.  We grew up involved heavily in our neighborhood, community, church, and hobbies that we chose.  My mother and the mothers of my friends even allowed us to do things I would probably never allow my son to do now, such as ride our bikes to the shopping center to get ice cream or sodas without an adult.  

     *During Covid, there were different views, with some believing wearing masks and staying home was the right thing to do to avoid the risk of spreading the disease, while others believed it was about government overreach and that staying home and wearing a mask were not effective.  I am in the second camp there.  But, both sides flattened the other, into government-controlled robots, or hateful people who didn't care if they infected others.  Neither assessment was necessarily fair or true.

     The problem with all of these (and other) examples is that there is no nuance.  No looking at the person of the opposing view as a person who might honestly believe they have a good reason for their stand.  Most people are not as extreme as the opposition would make them.  Most really are nuanced in their view, and most would respond well to kind dialogue.  Some good advice is found in James 1:19-20: This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.

     Christians of different views often do this flattening to each other.  It's sad to see that happen.  Here are some examples I see a lot between believers:

    * A common issue I see this with is Christians who believe you can fall from grace and lose your salvation, and those who believe Christians are eternally secure in their salvation (I fall into the second category).  Both sides demonize the other.  As a believer in eternal security, I find those who disagree with me claiming that I must believe God is okay with sin, and that anyone who believes in eternal security believes it's okay to keep sinning (assuming we've never read Romans 6:1)!  Some on my side simplify the opposite view, and act as if those who believe you can lose your salvation believe in works-based salvation, or think that if you sneeze hard enough, you can lose it!  

     *Some Christian families have very strong opinions about things like how to best raise and educate their children.  I referred to homeschooling earlier.  It's true that my mother unfairly had people flatten her and other homeschoolers into a stereotype because they didn't like it.  However, I have seen a lot of Christian homeschool families flatten public school students and teachers into extremist secular humanists, when this is not true for most of them at all.  I've seen some of these homeschool families pass judgment on fellow Christian families who do not homeschool.  Personally, I have worked in public school, home schooling, and private school.  There are wonderful and terrible people involved in all of these methods.  I currently teach in a private Christian school, and have in the past as well, and that is my preference of the three choices mentioned, but I will always be open to how God leads our family, and try to afford others respect and consideration for God's guidance for them. 

     *Another Christian disagreement I have seen is a three-way conflict.   It's the disagreement of those who believe certain sign gifts in the Bible (speaking in tongues, prophecy, healing, etc.) are no longer in operation today, those who think they COULD be in operation (but are cautious), and those who absolutely believe they are around and report exercising these gifts as a part of their life and experience.  In that issue, I'm in the middle view--open but cautious.  The strong ceassationists (those who are convinced beyond all doubt that theses gifts are not around today) often see those who practice them as bizarre, not biblically grounded, deceived, and mumbling in gibberish.  This is not a fair portrait, because I know many of these sign-gift-practicing Christians who are scholars, and are humble about it, and have real and deep communion with the Lord.  On the other end of the extreme, those who are into the sign gifts often paint those who don't practice them as wooden, with no real encounter with the Holy Spirit.  Again, this is unfair.  There's no nuance to the other side.  They're just seen as foolish and wrong.  Since I'm in the middle view, I am often seen critically from both extremes, as if I'm on the fence and not making a commitment to truth.  

     Before I go further, I will strongly state that I do believe in absolutes.  I'm not encouraging you to see opposing views as equally valid or right.  That is logically impossible.  Some things are absolutely right, and others are absolutely wrong.  There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death.  (Proverbs 14:12).  God's word is my standard.  In everything I believe, I have tried to go back to scripture, and in the integrity of my heart, I'm convinced that I am correct (no one believes something they think is incorrect!).  Romans 14:5 says that Each person must be fully convinced in his own mind.  I believe what I have found to be true.  My parents raised me, and my beliefs are similar to theirs on most things, but I had to make them my own, and weigh them for myself, wrestle with truth and God.  That largely happened when I was eleven years old, thinking of life and scripture for myself.  There are things I believe differently than my parents as well, and that's okay.  They always encouraged me to search things out.

     If I am not encouraging you to validate others' views as being the truth, what am I doing?  I am suggesting we see people as intelligent and valuable creations of God.  I am suggesting we get to know them and how they arrived at their beliefs.  How can we convince anyone of the truth if we don't even respect how they arrived where they are?  Just saying, "Well you're wrong!" won't convince them of this.  Validate their journey without validating their conclusions as being the truth.  Understand what they really believe.  Don't just build a straw man of what you THINK they believe.  Humbly asking questions will go MUCH further than ridiculing and flattening them.  If your view is correct, it can withstand polite dialogue with others.  If not, then maybe you need to adjust your view.  Once you know what others really believe and teach, you can better examine why YOU hold the view you do, and refine your reasons for believing it.  First Peter 3:15 says, But sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence.  Be ready to share the truth, but do it kindly and humbly.  So many miss one or the other.  Some are kind, but refuse to stand on truth.  Others stand on truth, but are cruel and hard.  

     In the end, this is not a call to uncertainty, compromise, or theological minimalism. It is a call to confidence that is secure enough to be humane.  Colossians 4:6 urges us, Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.  Truth does not need caricatures to survive, nor does it advance through contempt.  There are bright and beautiful people who have drawn different conclusions than you have.  They may be wrong, but they deserve your respect, as image-bearers of God.  If we truly believe God’s Word is sufficient and true, then we can afford to listen carefully, speak accurately, and treat others with dignity—even when we firmly disagree. Flattening people may feel decisive, but it is neither persuasive nor faithful. Clarity paired with humility honors both the truth we confess and the God who revealed it.