Gossip

     Have you ever been hurt by gossip?  Have you ever been guilty of gossip?  Or how about this one: Have you ever been accused of gossiping when you're pretty sure that wasn't what you were doing?  I can say yes to all three questions, especially the last!  I imagine the same is true for you.

   What is gossip, and what does the Bible say about it?  Has the meaning been warped?  Do many Christians define it incorrectly?  Let's look at Scripture first, then define it.

     Second Corinthians 12:20 says, For I am afraid that perhaps when I come I may find you to be not what I wish and may be found by you to be not what you wish; that perhaps there will be strife, jealousy, angry tempers, disputes, slanders, gossip, arrogance, disturbances.  

    Clearly, the Apostle Paul didn't condone gossip, or want the believers in Corinth engaging in it.  But that doesn't answer the question: what constitutes gossip?  Some other verses can help us flesh that out...

    Ephesians 4:29 tells us, Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.  

     I think this is a good guideline for us to follow when we speak.  We should be speaking in a godly, helpful way.  We should be a blessing in our speech.

     Philippians 4:8 tells us to think of what is true, honorable, righteous, pure and lovely.  If that's a biblical guide for our thoughts, how much more for our words?

     James 4:11 urges us: Do not speak evil against one another, brothers.  Pretty straight forward.  

     I think Psalm 19:14 sums up what should be the heart of every believer: Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.  We should want to be pleasing to God in our thoughts, words and actions.  I love how God's word spends more time telling us what we should do (speaking to bless others and please the Lord) than what not to do.  I wish people were like this.  Instead of accusing someone of gossip, we should be encouraging them to honor the Lord. 

     Now, let's define gossip.  The problem is, if you asked 100 people what gossip is, you'd get 100 similar but slightly different answers.  I have recently asked people in my life to define gossip.  The most limiting definition I got was "talking about others, even if it's positive."  Under that definition, it would be gossip to tell my husband how my trip to the grocery store went.  Is it really gossip for me to tell him about a pleasant cashier who made friendly conversation?  Or the other customer who kindly let me in front of him in line?  I don't believe these things are gossip at all.  Under this definition of gossip, it would be wrong to share one's difficulties with a trusted counselor or confidant.  We know this isn't wrong, because James 5:16 says Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  Our sins usually involve other people, so if you are confessing your sins and struggles to a Christian friend you trust, you are likely mentioning other people.  The Bible doesn't condemn this.  Not only that, but throughout the New Testament, the Apostle Paul mentions people by name in his epistles (just a couple examples are Philippians 4:2-3, Second Timothy 4:10).  Some of what he says probably embarrassed them, but it needed to be said.  This clearly isn't gossip, or God wouldn't have allowed it to be in His Holy Word.  We American Christians of today would think someone was gossiping if they did something similar, but it isn't true gossip.  The Apostle Paul wasn't a gossip.  And it wasn't just Paul who spoke this way.  The entire book of Third John (which is just one chapter) is about people, mentioned by name, and one of them, Diotrephes, is spoken about in a negative light.  Yet the Apostle John wasn't a gossip.  Going back a bit, John the Baptist publicly called out King Herod for his sin of adultery (Luke 3:19).  Was he gossiping?  No.  I think we can learn from John the Baptist that if something is very public and affecting the population, it is right to address it.  This is not every believer's calling, but for those who are called to this kind of boldness, the rest of the body of Christ should be supportive, not just accusing them of gossiping or "judging."  Jesus Himself spoke against well-known people (Matthew 16:6).  Therefore, it is false to say that any talk about any person is gossip.

  
     Think about this a second.  Think of times you were truly wounded by gossip.  I've been the subject of gossip only a handful to times, and I can honestly say that only once in my life has this been the case for me in a big way.  But just think a moment, and ask yourself, were you hurt because someone said something positive about you?  Were you hurt because someone mentioned your name?  Were you hurt because someone was concerned and mentioned you to someone they trusted?  Probably not.  If your story is similar to mine, you were probably hurt because someone was maliciously trying to slander you.  Likely, the truth was distorted.  This is hurtful gossip.  I'm thankful my big experience happened before social media.  As it was, I was in college in the very early 2000's, and had to change my email address, and even cut people out of my life.  It was humiliating.  In no way do I defend real gossip.  But I also don't agree with taking away people's liberty to speak freely.  Sometimes things become too hush-hush, when information needs to be given.  In order to deal with legitimate problems, they need to be talked about.

     When I was in college, I received some unwanted advances from a very troubled young man.  I tried to get help, but those I went to accused me of gossiping about a fellow Christian, and made me feel ashamed.  This isn't right.  People need to be safe to talk about real issues going on.  Otherwise, all we're doing is protecting the guilty and throwing the innocent to the wolves.  

     I have also been in situations where leadership accused anyone of gossip if they expressed any sort of concern that might not line up with the leader's agenda.  It was a power play for them.  They were threatened and used the accusation of gossip to silence those who disagreed with them.  That isn't right.  A good leader should consider what people say (whether or not they ultimately agree or take action).  

A powerful leadership quote by 34th President of the United States, Dwight D. Eisenhower

     In my early twenties, I lost one of my best friends. Long story short, this friend went from being a joyful Christian to constantly second-guessing herself and others.  I could no longer confide in her.  She accused me of gossip in every conversation.  One time, I shared about a dangerous situation I was in.  I wasn't sure what I should do or the right way to handle the danger.  I went to this old friend to share.  Her response was that I had a gossip problem.  Please know I wasn't putting this in the newspaper or on the radio.  Social media didn't exist back then, even if I wanted to share about it publicly (which I didn't).  I was confiding in her, who had been a trusted friend until shortly prior.  I wasn't gossiping about this person who was dangerous.  I was sharing my own experience and asking for godly counsel. It wasn't my job to protect the person who was doing evil.  I'm not their PR person.  If they're going to do that, the story getting out is part of the consequence of their sin.  It has never been my plan to hurt them or spread negative views about them, and I haven't, but I'm also not pretending.  My friend was wrong to equate my confiding as gossip.  Another time, this same friend of mine was deeply offended by a ministry newsletter I mailed out.  She felt I had gossiped.  What I had said was how much I praised God for providing some volunteers for our evangelism team.  I shared that a few people who had initially showed interest had not followed through, but then God had brought others along who did an excellent job.  My point had been that in the midst of not having the people I expected, God filled in the gaps.  I gave God the glory.  I didn't give the names of those who had not followed through.  They weren't important to the story.  But this friend of mine felt I gossiped about these people.  Why was she so concerned about them?  She didn't know who they were.  Their reputations hadn't been smeared.   I didn't say anything unkind about them.  Why couldn't my friend praise the Lord with me, instead of accusing me of imaginary sins?  At that point, I told this friend to take a hike.  I had no joy or freedom around her.  Years later, we reconnected (not super close, but peaceably), and we were both at better places.  

     I think part of the reason it's hard to define gossip is because it's a case by case thing.  What's gossip in one situation might not be in another.  My friend Karen gave me a good definition that I really liked:  talking in order to share information about someone in order to make others ostracize, judge, and think poorly of that person while boosting one's own social standing.  I think this gets to the heart of gossip.  It's intentionally hurtful and self-seeking.  The dictionary definition is similar, and I like it as well:  Casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.  This definition is slightly less malicious.  Under this definition, it is idle talk about someone.  While this might not be as cruelly-intended, it is still wrong to just discuss people's business like that.  Talking about someone as they affect your life is one thing.  Talking about their private business when it is none of your concern is quite another.  I even feel it is wrong to read gossip about celebrities.  If they gave an interview to a trusted news source or you are reading things that are a matter of public record, that's fine, but tabloid gossip certainly isn't edifying.  Many times, the news isn't substantiated.  Reading about their private business (especially fabricated) isn't right.  They're human too, even if they live in the limelight.  Give them some dignity.  

     Sometimes, trying to be quiet and making too much of an effort to conceal certain things lends itself to more gossip than if we simply shared a little bit.  If a prominent figure suddenly steps out of public life with no explanation, there is a lot of talk and speculation.  Sometimes, it's better when there is at least some explanation, even if it is largely kept private.  Sometimes it's hard to know, though.  Again, it's a case by case basis.  I remember one time, a ministry I was a part of had a very talented man who wrote a lot of the music that was used.  He had been with the organization for several years.  We had one of his beautiful songs that we were signing as our theme song at a conference one year.  I loved it.  About halfway through this week-long ministry conference, this musician disappeared, and suddenly, we stopped singing our theme song.  It was abruptly replaced with another song.  No one ever mentioned this man again, and when I asked about him (not his personal business, just how he was doing), I was shut down.  I was very concerned for him.  Was he okay?  Did he die?  What happened?  Did he need our prayers?  I was never able to figure it out.  This was someone we all cared about, and he basically no longer existed to us.  I'm sure the higher-ups in this ministry wanted to avoid talking in an ungodly way, but their not saying anything spurred more talk and confusion.  I'm not sure if there was a better way they could have handled it.  Maybe that was the right thing to have done.  Maybe there was no good answer they could have given us.  Still, it was awkward, and I never stopped being concerned about this talented man and his lovely family.  

     My husband had a similar story.  A man from the church he grew up in was falsely accused of a crime.  My husband, a teenager at the time, was a witness to the situation, and vouched for this man.  He encouraged others in the church to stand with him.  He was accused of gossip!  Can you believe that?  He wanted to squelch the gossip and encourage the truth, and those who didn't want to take a stand accused him of gossip.  This is a very warped view.  

     We need to be careful that what we say honors the Lord. Even things that are not gossip can still be wrong to share in certain settings.  It can be a stumbling block to others. We need God's guidance.  I will close by going back to the verse I quoted earlier, Psalm 19:14, Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.
     

All or Nothing

     Today, I read an online article from a Christian political forum I like.  This article made a claim any thinking person should at least question.  It said every President we have had since George Washington has been a Christian.

     That's quite a claim, isn't it?  I am suspicious of all-or-nothing statements like that.  Going a step further, Jesus said His followers are known by their fruit (Matthew 7:16).  Even if we don't agree on specifics, we can probably all agree that not all 45 men who governed our nation bore fruit evident of a relationship with Jesus.  However, that doesn't mean they weren't Christians.  Some of these men have done wonderful things for our country, but that does not mean they were Christians.  I read the article in its entirety.  All it really did was list the church affiliations or denominations these men had claimed to belong to.  

     Being a thinking Christian, I reserve the right to question this article's validity.  Am I jumping the gun and saying certain Presidents weren't/aren't Christians?  No.  I make no assumption.  I just didn't find this article's claim believable, and if all they're going to use to back it up is the Presidents' denominational affiliations, I am not intellectually satisfied.

     First, we must answer the question, what makes someone a Christian?  The Bible is very clear in multiple places, but one of my favorites is Romans 10:9-10, That if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved, for with the heart, man believes and is justified, and with the mouth, confession is made unto salvation.  In other words, being a Christian means believing Jesus Christ is who He claimed to be (the Son of God, God the Son), and believing that His death and resurrection paid the penalty for our sins, putting our faith in Him for eternal life.  Jesus called this experience being "born again" (John 3:3).  According to the Bible, belonging to a certain church or denomination doesn't make someone a Christian (although a Christian should be in a good church for their own growth in faith).  Therefore, in light of this consideration, the article I read didn't satisfyingly prove that all 45 US Presidents were/are Christians.  It didn't convince me they weren't/aren't either.  It just didn't prove its bold claim.  Maybe all our Presidents were/are Christians (I would like to believe that I'll see them all in Heaven), but the article did not tell us about these men coming to understand who Jesus is, and receiving Him as Lord and Savior. 

     I have read a few testimonies of some of our Presidents.  I read that William McKinley came to a saving knowledge of Christ growing up, and it greatly impacted all areas of his life, including his Presidency.  I have read that Dwight Eisenhower became a born again Christian during his Presidency.  I have read the salvation testimony of George W. Bush.  I have also read the testimonies of Vice Presidents Dan Quayle and Mike Pence.  These testimonies line up with a biblical definition of becoming a Christian.   Several other Presidents and Vice-Presidents (some I have agreed with politically, some I have not) have said things about Jesus that have led me to conclude they probably do know Him as well.  Jimmy Carter actually shared that he was Born Again.  Only God knows anyone's heart.  But these statements and testimonies about Jesus and salvation are a lot more in line with the Bible than mere denominational affiliation. 

     Many modern Presidents had a close friendship with Billy Graham, the most powerful evangelist of the 20th century.  Clearly, they had access to the gospel, and that is encouraging.

     The fact that many of our Presidents had a Christian heritage and a church affiliation of some kind is assuring.  God definitely uses these things.  It just doesn't prove saving faith.

     The President I would least likely believe was a Christian (by the Bible's definition) was Thomas Jefferson.  He was a deist.  According to my research, he claimed to believe Jesus was a good moral teacher, but not the promised Savior.  That, right there, would make him not a Christian.  Perhaps he changed his mind at a later time.  I hope so.  Other Presidents have said things about the Lord, the Bible, or the priority of faith that make me question the probability of their being saved, but I don't know.  Jefferson's statements were the most boldly opposed to the Bible's definition of Christianity. 

Thomas Jefferson

     After reading the very unsatisfying article, I left a comment.  I shared that I doubted all of these men truly had a salvation experience with Jesus.  As a point, I shared a statistic that close to 80% of Americans claimed to be Christian, but upon deeper questioning, less than 25% claimed to have repented of sin and received Christ as Savior.  I wasn't trying to be negative.  Just realistic in light of the article's bold claim and flimsy evidence.  I wasn't even pinpointing certain Presidents and saying which ones I thought were and weren't saved.  I was doubting the claim more than any particular man.

     The responses I got were almost funny.  One woman told me I clearly wasn't a Christian.  She said if I was, I'd never "judge" (there goes the magic word!).  What makes it so crazy was that she went on to say that every US President was a Christian except--here she named one--and went on to use hateful and ridiculing language about him.  Who's judging now?  And telling me I'm not a Christian when I simply said something she didn't like?  We have already established what makes someone a Christian.  Being judgmental (if indeed that was what I did, and I'm not conceding that) doesn't make me unsaved.  We can't establish someone's salvation on whether or not they say judgmental things.  That would make it about works and not Christ.  Salvation is by faith, not works.  I'm a Christian because the Blood of Jesus washed my sins away when I placed my faith in Him for eternal life...not because I try to refrain from being judgmental. 

     Several other people also jumped on my case and accused me of being judgmental of our Presidents, though they weren't as dramatic as my hateful friend who took liberties with my salvation.  It's still funny though, because I didn't mention one US President in my comment.  I was establishing that not everyone who claims Christianity is saved.  I was refuting the article, not a person.

     It is easier to accuse people of judging than to think things through.  Judging is the 21st century's unforgivable sin.  Accusing someone of judging is the big smokescreen when someone doesn't want to take responsibility.

     Matthew 7:1 (judge not lest you be judged) is such a misused and abused verse.  I must confess, at times I'm tempted to wish it wasn't in the Bible.  Martin Luther cut the book of James out of his Bible, mistakenly believing it to be heretical, and at times, I've felt that way about Matthew 7:1.  But that isn't the answer.  Martin Luther was wrong, and it would be just as wrong to remove any part of Scripture.  Jesus, knowing all things, including the future of how people would misuse it, said these words of Matthew 7:1, and so we need to examine them.  Was He saying we're never allowed to use the brains He gave us to form an opinion?  Was He telling us we have to be in favor of everything and anything?  Was He saying to ignore things that the Bible itself defines as sin?  No!!!  If He was, He would be contradicting the rest of Scripture. In Matthew 24:24, Jesus warned us not to let anyone deceive us.  He was telling us to think critically. To use good judgment.  In First John 4:1, we're told to test the spirits, because not every spirit is from God.  Again, we're being told to use good (godly) judgment to determine the truth.  Going back to Matthew 7:1, a look at the rest of the chapter and at parallel passages in the other gospels, reveals that we need to make sure we have our facts straight before making a judgment, and make sure we're not doing the sin we're about to call someone else out on.  Get the facts, and get our own lives in order before we help someone else get theirs in order.  That's what Jesus is saying.  Not anywhere in the Bible are we told to ignore sin.  We are not to believe and agree with everything.  If I told you I had an elephant in my car, and you disbelieved me, would that make you judgmental in a sinful sense?  Of course not!

     Many years ago, I served on a jury for a trial.  It was a very interesting experience.  We found the defendant guilty.  Anyway, the District Attorney kept telling us, "You have to find on the evidence, but that doesn't mean you check your common sense in at the front door."  He was right.  We come into every situation with common sense and knowledge gained from previous situations, as well as discernment from the Lord.  We need to examine what we're told (find on the evidence), but we are to use these resources God gave us. 

     John 7:24 urges us not to judge by appearances, but to judge rightly.  I would say those who simply assume all our Presidents are Christians are disobeying that verse.  They're judging on the appearance that these men had a church affiliation.  Judging rightly would require more research into their lives, and the evidence and information isn't always going to be there, especially not with earlier ones.  Were all our Presidents Christians?  We won't know until Heaven.  As Christians, we are to study God's word, and rightly divide the word of truth (Second Timothy 2:15).  This means be thinking people, holding up everything we are told to the standard of the Bible!
     

Salvation

     Yesterday (February 7) was the thirty-third anniversary of a very important day for me.  I remember it as if it were yesterday.  The story goes back a few days, though, to February 4, 1987--my fifth birthday. 

Me as a 5-year old

     I was very excited.  My mom was going to take my best friend and me to the circus.  I'd seen commercials for the circus, but had never been to a real one myself!  I was also excited that my age was a whole hand now.  When people asked my age, I could hold up all five fingers, no longer having to put the thumb down.  I felt very grown up. 

     Shortly before we were to leave, a frantic knock sounded on our door.  When we opened it, and found our eleven-year-old neighbor Christy, wild-eyed.  "There's a man in my house!  My mom's not home yet, and there's a guy trying to rob us!" 

     My parents had her come in, while they called the police.  It was scary, but the police arrived, and helped Christy and her family.  That situation sort of put a damper on the day.  Maybe it was a sort of sign.  Or maybe Satan was attacking because of what the Holy Spirit was stirring.

     Once everything was taken care of, my mom got me in the car, and we went to my friend's house (a few miles away) to pick her up.  We were riding along, when the car made a funny, popping sound. 

     "Oh no," Mom sighed, pulling our fifteen-year-old Pinto into the closest shopping center.  I wasn't terribly alarmed.  We had had this old vehicle as long as I remembered, and when it had problems, it always turned out to be okay in the end.  My mother, on the other hand, was very stressed.  When I became an adult, I came to understand that stress.  Car problems are hard to deal with at times, becoming vulnerable to a mechanic (who may or may not be telling you the truth), rethinking how you'll budget finances for the month, mentally rearranging all your transportation until the repair is complete, etc.  But I was only five, and this was part of the adventure.

Our car looked exactly like this picture of a 1972 Ford Pinto.  I didn't have a good picture of our actual car from that time, but I found this lookalike online.  With the more modern cars in the background, you can deduce it isn't from the actual time this story takes place, but you get the idea of the type of car we were dealing with.  It was old even then (1987)

     This was in the days when payphones were everywhere, and my mom promptly located one, at the far corner of the shopping center, right outside the grocery store.  She didn't want two little girls running all over the place while she was on the phone.  More to keep us safe than for any other reason, she told us, "While I'm on the phone, you are not to cross this line in the sidewalk.  She indicated a crack in the walkway.  Then she dialed the operator to call a tow truck. 

     Just to be funny, I smiled up at my mom and jumped over the crack she'd told us not to cross.  I wasn't even doing in maliciously.  Just being silly.  My mom, already stressed out, and engaged in conversation with a tow truck driver, reached out an arm, pulled me back, and swatted my behind.  At that moment, I became aware of something: my own depravity. 

     I felt shame.  It wasn't that my mom really got that mad.  Her tone hadn't changed at all on the phone.  She was simply under stress.  The Holy Spirit was convicting me of sin...not just the sin of crossing a literal line in the sidewalk, but the sin of who I was...everything I was without Christ.  I was a sinner, incapable of pleasing or knowing God on my own.  I might act good.  People might tell me I was good (many people did, because I was very well-behaved), but I wasn't good.  Not really.  Deep inside, at the core of who I was, I was a sinner.  I was incapable of being good.  With everything in me, I wanted to cross that line.  I knew that the sin in my heart was stronger than my resolve to fight against it.  I couldn't control it.  It controlled me.  There was nothing I could do to become free of the power sin had over me. 

    After my mom got off the phone, she hugged me and told me it was okay, I was a good girl, but I knew I wasn't really good.  The tow truck came, and we got in.  There were only two seats, so my mom held me on her lap, and we buckled in together, while my friend sat between us and the driver.  The end result was, we never made it to the circus, and to this day, I have never seen a real circus!  I don't know if I ever will. 

     My dad got home in our other car, and my parents took us to Chuck E. Cheese.  That was fun.  My friend spent the night, which was also fun.  But in the midst of all of this, I was wrestling inside with the conviction of my sin.  The hopelessness I felt in being able to overcome it. 

     This battle inside lasted three days.  A song began playing in my mind, one we sang at Children's Church, entitled, Do you know that you've been born again?  In my mind, I could hear our teacher, Mrs. MacFarland, singing it, with the kids' voices in the background.  It could hear it as if I were right in the room with all of them.  It wouldn't let up.  The question kept repeating in my head.  Did I know that I'd been born again?  I knew what it meant to be born again.  I was surrounded by the message of salvation.  My parents taught me about Jesus.  In fact, I don't remember learning John 3:16...I've always known it.  My parents said it to me every day since I was born.  I went to Sunday school, AWANA, Children's Church...you name it.  I was putting all these truths I'd been taught together in my heart and mind. 

     Finally, after wrestling for three days, on February 7, 1987, I knew what I had to do.  It was the only real option, if I were ever going to know peace.  I had to surrender myself to Christ.  He had given Himself for me on the cross, and I had to give myself to Him. 

     There was a very slight fear, because surrender is a death of sorts.  It's dying to self, to sin, to the person we are without Christ.  It's admitting I'm not good enough as I am, but with Christ, I am perfectly forgiven, capable of being everything God intended.  It is taking Jesus' death as my only way of salvation, placing my faith and hope for eternity on Him alone.  And that is what I did.  I settled it with God. 

    I approached my father and told him, "At church we sing a song that says do you know that you've been born again?  I want to do that."

     My dad later told me he had thought I was going to sing the song for him.  Imagine his surprise when I dropped to my knees and asked Jesus to come into my heart, take my sins, and let me be part of God's family from now on. 

     He was surprised, and wanted to make sure I understood what I was doing, so after I prayed, he tried to explain Jesus' death and resurrection to me.  I was kind of impatient and said, "I know that!"  I was frustrated he wasn't with the program here.  I knew about Jesus, and that's why I wanted His salvation.  But Dad just wanted to make sure I understood. He hadn't been living in my head the last three days while I wrestled with it.  I was ready to do it!  After my dad and I talked a few minutes, I asked him if I should tell Mommy. 

     "Yes," he said.  That was all I needed.  I jumped up and ran down the hall, where my mother was helping my little brother clean his room. 

     "Mommy, I asked Jesus into my heart," I exclaimed, a little shyly.  This was my first time sharing my testimony. 

     My mom was overjoyed, and pulled me into a hug.  That night, as she tucked me into bed, she told me to pray for my little brother and sister to invite Jesus into their hearts as well, which I did.  In fact, I witnessed to them every day after that. 

     February 7, 1987 was the most important day of my life.  It determined my eternal destiny.  It was the day I was born again. 

     How about you?  Have you been born again?  Are you ready for eternity?