Autopsy of a Deceased Church

     "I'll let this church die before I let that happen!"  A church member declared angrily in a very heated meeting.  

     Eight years later, he would get his wish.  

     What was this heated meeting about, and how did it end up leading to the death of a church that seemed to be growing and thriving at the time of this meeting?  That is the subject of a fascinating book I just finished, entitled, Autopsy of a Deceased Church, by Thom S. Rainer.  I will put a link to order this book at the end.  

     The topic of struggling and dying churches is fascinating to me.  The church I loved as a little girl died.  It went from a happy place, complete with a school, and family involvement almost every day of the week, to an empty building, which has now been demolished, and is the site of a grocery store today.  Newer residents of that community (meaning residents that weren't there in the 20th century) have no idea of the hopes, dreams, friendships and heartbreak that happened at that spot.  They don't know about the Christmas caroling parties, the Easter plays, the closeness, the mission trips, the truths committed to hearts.  I learned how to look up verses in the Bible at that church.  In fact, the teacher who taught me how has recently been in touch with our ministry, and is a prayer partner.  

AWANA awards night 1990.  I am walking down after getting my award.  Everyone you could see were important to me, and some are still dear friends today.  Less than ten years after this picture was taken, the church closed down for good (though no one in 1990 would have believed that).  We were all part of something wonderful and life-changing together, and then it was gone.

     As an older teen and young adult, we went to another church--one that still exists, but is really small now.  I referred to that church in the previous post, about my friend Shelba.  That church had existed since 1927 (and was 70 years old when we joined in 1997).  A few months earlier, it had been about to die, but the handful of members left called a very enthusiastic man to pastor.  He was a visionary, and an evangelist.  He had a gift, and under his ministry, the church did so much outreach.  So many were saved, and the church grew to about 120 people.  It was an active church, always doing ministry, sending out missionaries.  The core members who had joined were very outreach-oriented.  Sadly, when this pastor retired in the 2000's, there was some manipulation and foul play about selecting the next pastor.  Many of the people who really wanted what was right and wanted to do outreach felt they couldn't succeed against the tactics being used, and they all quietly left, and went to different churches.  Without as many of these ministry-minded people there, the church shrunk drastically.  They called a kind but very complacent man to be their pastor (one the manipulative types could control).  Many were content with mediocrity.  There was no vision for more.  No more concern for the lost.  They cut their missions giving from the budget.  I was a missionary by that time, and I was cut.  I remember the new pastor leading a study about the differences between Mormonism and Christianity.  Almost no one came for it, and even for those who did, there was no follow-up plan to actually witness to any Mormons.  

     I had remained friendly with this church, but was actually attending another church in town.  In my late 20's, I felt led to return and try to really revamp the children's ministry.  I acted on a deeply-rooted passion.  Perhaps it was seeing my childhood church die.  Or perhaps it was seeing this other church I had loved at the brink of death.  But I believe the Holy Spirit led.  I worked hard.  Rachel (who is my cousin, and was also my roommate at the time), helped me.  We got about 15 kids coming to the church (which doubled the attendance, because that's roughtly how many adults we had).  We did Sunday school, children's church, fun outreaches to families.  We had a dinner theater while the kids performed the play of A Charlie Brown Christmas.  We did evangelism in the nearby neighborhoods.  We went Christmas caroling in the community.  We took the older kids on mini-mission trips.  We shared the Gospel at the county fair.  We had Sunday school picnics and other outings.  Deep discipleship happened over those years. 

Children in our VBS during that time--the certificates they're holding are for scripture memorization.

     And yet when I got married and moved away, no one was carrying on with this ministry (Rachel also moved away), and it dwindled again.  Today, that church is very, very small.  I don't know what the future holds.  Their current pastor is an excellent Bible teacher.  If he had come as the next pastor right after the visionary from the 90's, I think that church would never have lost all those ministry-minded people.  

     Now, in our ministry here in Arkansas, God is leading my husband and me to do ministry with struggling little churches.  The church we have joined was a dying church when we met them, with seven members, all senior citizens.  Through partnering with them, we have seen the membership grow to about 40, all ages.  We've seen whole families baptized together in that church.  That church is now full of outreach-minded people.  

Some of the kids at our church, in line at a recent potluck (adults hadn't come in yet).

     Other small churches we partner with are seeing growth, and we are feeling our passion ignited.  We feel this is our calling right now.  With all of this being shared, you can understand why this book, Autopsy of a Deceased Church was such a powerful read to me.  

     So why did my childhood church die?  Why did my young adult church decline?  Why have some of the churches we now work with come so close to death?  Autopsy of a Deceased Church attempts to answer these questions, and help find solutions for churches before it is too late.  We can learn a lot from these autopsies.  

 

     Thom Rainer conducted autopsies on fourteen churches that had died.  He shared a lot of anecdotes and patterns to serve as warnings.  There were several points.

     For one thing, churches that died generally had "good old days" that were in the distant past, and the membership were not really trying to do anything in the present, but instead lived off those past victories.  Past victories matter.  There are so many recorded in the Bible to build our faith.  It's wonderful to remember, and know that there are still "ripple effects" of these past victories happening today.  And yet we can't live on past victories.  We can't stay stuck in a rut.  We have to keep running the race set before us (Hebrews 12:1).  Isaiah 43:19 has always been a favorite of mine:  Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.  God has something new in store, and we'll miss it if we're living on past victories.  

     I remember visiting a church in the California desert years ago. Upon walking in, I saw many framed pictures on the wall showing groups of children.  A closer look revealed that these were the church's kids at camp different years.  The year was printed on each picture.  I looked at each one, and saw the most recent year was almost twenty years earlier.  What had happened since then?  But there was more.  This church had once had a very active AWANA club, and the AWANA awards earned from Bible quizzing and AWANA Olympics decorated walls, in very prominent places. And yet the most recent year was again, decades earlier.   In the Sunday school rooms, there were world naps on the walls, with prayer cards of missionaries the church supported.  And yet the maps were outdated, with nations that no longer existed.  The missionary prayer cards were all black and white, and looked quite old.  

     I ended up attending the adult Sunday school class.  One of the elderly men referred to "current events" such as "that conflict in Nam."  I expected everyone to laugh, as if it were a joke, but he was serious, snd everyone acted as if what he said was valid.  I began to wonder if I really had gotten into a time warp!  

     In the worship service, I was the only adult without gray hair.  There were about 5 kids in children's church, all grandchildren or great-grandchildren of members.  

     This church was living on past victories.  There was something disconcerting about it, while at the same time, fatally attractive.  

     Another mark of a dead church is that members no longer prayed together, in a deep, real, Book-of-Acts way.  Many of these churches just recited prayer during the service out of habit or obligation, but it hardly qualified as prayer.  I love Acts 12, about Peter's miraculous release from prison.  After he was released, he made his way to John Mark's house, where believers were praying for him!  That kind of fervent prayer will keep a church alive.  

     

     Still another commonality found in the autopsies of dead churches involved demanding "my way" more than God's way (conflicting over music, service times, church property, etc.).  The book gave some crazy examples.  One church split over whether or not to buy a new pulpit.  The group that wanted to keep the old one left and started a new church with the old pulpit.  It only lasted two years before disbanding.  The older church that ended up getting a new pulpit closed down seven years later.  These kinds of squabbles have nothing to do with kingdom business.  It doesn't mean they don't need to be addressed ever.  It simply means they don't deserve that high of a priority.  

     Losing evangelistic fervor was a huge red flag in these church autopsies.  When churches stop being burdened for the lost in their community, they're on the road to death.  It may be a slow death.  It may take years.  But it's coming, unless something changes!  I have shared in other posts how important evangelism is to me.  Jesus's very last command was to preach the Gospel (Matthew 28:19-20; Mark 16:15; Acts 1:8).  If a church isn't doing this, they are in disobedience.   

     A close cousin of this problem was losing love toward the community.  Sometimes, a changing demographic in a neighborhood goes unnoticed by those inside the walls of the church.  This can involve racial change, economic class change, or somethong else.  These members want to do things the way they always have, but those things are no longer effective.  The members don't care.  They make no effort to reach out to the community.  They do things that reached the community thirty years ago, and when it doesn't work, they pass it off as hard-heartedness on the part of the community.  They might hold some sort of outreach, but expect those in the community to come to them.  Jesus came to seek and save the lost (Luke 19:10).  As His people, we are to seek out those who need Him.  With rare exceptions, they're not going to just come to us.  

     A common (but not universal) thread was that churches that had died had had a revolving door with pastors the last several years in operation.  Their stubbornness and selfishness wore these poor ministers down, and they really couldn't lead.  Feeling they couldn't accomplish anything, they left.  The few churches autopsied that had longer-term pastors had a different problem.   The pastors simply adopted the attitude of the people, and served their whims, rather than lead.  

     These were all things observed in these autopsies.  Thom Rainer put churches in four categories: Healthy churches, which he estimates to be about 10% of churches; Sick churches (that is, they are showing some signs toward death), which he said were about 40%; Very sick churches (those almost beyond repair, and which can only survive if real repentance and drastic action happens), which were also 40%; and finally, dying churches (no hope--only a matter of time), which were at 10%.  The book ended with advice for sick, very sick, and dying churches.  There was hope for sick churches, but action required.   There was a glimmer of hope for very sick churches, but a lot more action was required.   For dying churches, the advice was about dying well.  Some ideas were given, such as giving their building to a new church plant that needed one.  The sacrifice would allow their church's death to give life to another.  That's what our faith is all about.   

     The only issue not addressed in this book was corrupt leadership that can close even large and seemingly-thriving churches (for further insight, listen to the podcast The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill).  

     This was a sobering read for me, and it made me revisit some tender memories.  The universal church (Christ's body) will never die (on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. Matthew 16:18).  Individual congregations do die, though.  It hurts when that happens.  That is why my husband and I have a great love for these struggling churches.  Our heart is reflected in the last verse of the song Shout to the North.   I will close with these lyrics: Rise up church with broken wings.  Fill this place with songs again, of our God who reigns on high.  By His grace again we'll fly.  

To order the book, go to https://a.co/d/bKSLNMg

Dream Come True

      Last night (July 6, 2025) the earth lost a great saint of the church, and Heaven gained a resident who has been waiting to be there her whole life, who had stored up so many treasures there that it was already her home.  My dear old friend, Shelba Williams, passed from this side of eternity to the other--the life (as C.S. Lewis put it in The Last Battle), which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.

     Shelba is important to so many people for so many reasons, but part of the reason she made a difference to me was that she facilitated the realization of my first dream coming true.  

     As Christians, we have to be careful about our dreams.  We need to let the Holy Spirit guild our decisions, and fill our hearts with His desires.  We need to be in the Word, and making sure we are in step with what God has said.  When we are walking in the Spirit, following His leading, and delighting in Him, I believe the dreams in our hearts are often His will for us, placed there by Him.  Psalm 37:4 says, Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.  Verse 23 in the same chapter says, The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delights in his way.

     So what was my big dream?  I was sixteen years old when it came to fruition, so you could guess what it might be.  But you're probably wrong.  I didn't dream of money, fame, popularity, or romance (okay, I did dream about romance, but that wasn't my biggest dream!).  

     When I was younger, I had been part of a wonderful church community, where everyone was close, and we were there many days a week.  We also had a school, and all of us kids were together a lot, and started to grow up together.  I didn't know insecurity back then.  One of my favorite things about that whole time in my life had been attending AWANA on Wednesday nights.  Not only was it a time of closeness with friends and teachers who loved us and invested in us, but it was a time and place of getting deep into God's word.  I was with a lot of these people other days. of the week too, but AWANA was a deeper connection.  I would venture to guess that more than half the verse I can recite today were learned in AWANA.  The Lord really ministered to me in AWANA.  I made resolves in my life, and built deep, real friendships that still exist today.

With my siblings in front of our church/school.  I'm the tallest one, at left.  We got there early to get this taken.  It was on our 1991 Christmas cards.

     Right as I was going into junior high, that church family fell apart.  There is a whole story behind that, which isn't important to this post.  Suddenly, all the friends and teachers I had known were far away, and my family felt alone.  We joined another church, and there were some good moments.  God did a lot in my life then, actually, but there was also a lot of hurt that still affects me to this day.  

     When I was a Freshman in high school, we joined yet another church.  I was emotionally hurting.  I distrusted people, and it is understandable after some of what I had experienced.  But my deepest heart's desire was to be in a church family that loved me, and to be a leader in AWANA, the way my leaders had loved and impacted me.  That was my deepest dream.  I wanted to make that kind of difference.  I wanted to create that kind of impact that was made in my life--and maybe even get back what I had lost.  

     This new church we joined was actually a very old church, started in 1927.  The pastor had just been there a few months.  The church had been dying when he arrived, but God used his ministry to revive it quite a bit.  That first Sunday we came, there must have been about 50 people.  After we joined that church, others continued to join.  People were coming in.  It remained a relatively small church (maybe 120 at its height), but it was lively, and a very loving church family.  The summer of 1997, as I was going into my sophomore year of high school, they celebrated 70 years with ice cream and lemonade after the evening service.  It's hard to believe that church will be 100 in two years of this writing.  

     That church was a sweet place of healing for me.  It was a great place to be in our youth group.  In our youth group, we weekly sang songs like Do, Lord, Oh do, Lord, oh do Remember Me, or we would sing Amazing Grace to the tune of the Gilligan's Island theme song (Try it!  It works!).  In the youth group and the actual church services, the hymns and preaching form the King James Bible soothed my spirit in ways "cool" 90's contemporary worship never could have at the time.  This is not to say I only approve of hymns or the King James Bible.  On the contrary, I actually love lots of Christian music (including those 90's worship songs), and I primarily study from the New American Standard Bible and the English Standard Version (my major research paper in Bible college was about Bible translations, in which I concluded the NASB was the most accurate, and that was before the ESV came out).  All the same, God always seems to meet me in those old-fashioned, simpler churches.  

     Even right now, our family is part of a little country church, complete with hymns, the King James Bible, and sweet, lively fellowship.  Our ministry has partnered with this church for a few years, and it was just time to move our membership over there.  It is a small but growing church, with love, friendship, and a lot of evangelism.  We are there healing up from some hurts from a larger church we just left a few months ago.  This church we're at right now is so similar to the church of my teenage years, and both are places of blessing and healing to me.  Those old-fashioned things are my love language, I guess.  

Our church had a pot luck this past Sunday, and these are the kids.  Our son Tommy is at the far left.

      One member of my high school church was Shelba Williams.  She was an outgoing woman.  She was friendly, and got to know new people right away.  Shortly after we joined, her husband passed away.  I remember her peace and friendliness to others, even at his funeral.  She had that assurance she would see him again.  Nothing could steal her joy.  She had an uncanny ability to know all the prayer requests of the church and pass them on without it being gossip.  She just had a gift for loving others and meeting needs.  She went through a short-lived cancer diagnosis, but she beat it.  She never stopped doing ministry in that time, though she had fun experimenting with different wigs during the times when her hair fell out (but it grew back after she went into remission, of course).

     Getting back to that fall of 1997, we had been at that church a year, and I was almost sixteen.  Shelba announced that she was going to be starting an AWANA at our church.  She was in charge of it, and she urged everyone to get involved.  This was my dream!  It was finally within my reach.  I would have a chance to have an impact.  I could make a difference.  

     For years, Shelba led our church's AWANA program.  I worked in AWANA, teaching all ages at different times, exercising my spiritual gifts, sharing the gospel, and teaching children God's word--just as I was taught in those long ago days of innocence.  I am so thankful for that opportunity, and for everyone who was ever part of it with me.  My involvement with Shelba's AWANA club led me to be able to teach evangelism at our AWANA conferences for the Los Angeles area, something I loved and did throughout my 20's.  That was another dream come true!  This led to so many friendships and contacts.    

     When I was eighteen, I went on a mission trip to Zambia.  That was one of the hardest experiences I ever had, and led to years of counseling, and even got me an official apology from the ministry's President--but I don't regret going on that trip.  During that time, my church family supported me, prayed for me, and ministered to me when I came home.  To this day, I have never seen a church family get behind someone the way that church got behind me.  

     The following summer, I went on a mission trip to Boston, Massachusetts, USA, and again, the church was behind me.  Because I didn't leave the country, I was able to call Shelba during that summer and tell her about what we were doing, and the people who were coming to Christ!  When I felt God calling me into full-time stateside mission work, it was Shelba who helped me set up Bible clubs all over our home area of Riverside, CA.  At the end of the several weeks of these Bible clubs, I took Shelba out to steak, and we rejoiced about all God had done! 

     Eventually, God led people from our church family in different directions, and that's okay.  God has different plans for each of us, and we have to follow His leading.  It's hard when He leads us together for a season, and then leads us away.  It reminds me of the church in Jerusalem.  In Acts 2:44-45, and again in Acts 4:32-35 it talks about their closeness and unity.  Yet in Acts 8, amidst persecution, we are told, And there arose on that day a great persecution against the church in Jerusalem, and they were all scattered throughout the regions of Judea and Samaria, except the apostles.  It is so hard to see this play out, and yet we know those believers took the gospel with them--as did our church family as the Lord moved everyone on.  Shelba went on to a church she ended up really being blessed by (in fact, that pastor is one of my husband's favorite to listen to online).  

     My husband and I have been in full-time ministry, and Shelba was one of our supporters and prayer partners.  It has been a joy to know her to the end of her life.  I know she is with Jesus forevermore, and I will see her again.  I believe we will relive old times at AWANA (like the time we had Bible costume night, and she dressed up as Queen Vashti and I dressed up as Queen Esther and pretended to have a rivalry going), and rejoice about those who are in Heaven because of how God used our AWANA club.  

     I have shed some tears today with this news, but I'm reminded of First Thessalonians 4:13-14, But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep.  Shelba, as well as every Christian friend I have lost to death (and that number grows the longer I live) is gone from us, but with Him!  They are happier than I could imagine.  They are whole and joyful in what God has done.  They are looking Jesus in the eye right now!  Their faith is sight!  And one day, that will be true of me!  What am I doing today that will matter when I meet Jesus in Heaven?  Am I cherishing those God has placed in my life?  I often don't think I thanked Shelba and others enough at the time.  Thank those God has used in your life right now!

     Shelba can honestly say now, I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing.  (Second Timothy 4:7-8).  For those of us left in what CS Lewis called The Shadowlands for the time being, we can try this one on for size: Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.  

     Thank you, Shelba.  I hope that I make that same impact you did, and I thank Jesus for the way He used you in my life.  In case I never said it enough, I pray He tells you for me now.  

Around the Corner, Around the World

      It has been almost a month since my last post.  Again, I needed to wait for the Lord to release me to share.  If you read my last post, you know that I left a situation (not our ministry with CEF, nor my job at the Christian school) due to differences in views on evangelism.  At one point, in essence, I was told that I talk too much about Jesus and salvation when I should be teaching students about missionaries.  This bothered me so much, because what is the point of missions it if isn't the Gospel?  

     I know missionaries often do many things, such as helping communities, building houses, providing food and clean water, etc.  All of that is important work we can do in Jesus' name.  Most godly organizations who do these things also share the Gospel with the people they serve.  I have no idea why I was expected to teach students about missions work without including the message missionaries teach.  

     I continued sharing the Gospel anyway, continuing to see children saved.  When we left in April (there was a last straw), I felt like telling this person, "Try not to be too disappointed when you get to Heaven and see people there I led to Christ after you said not to!"  That would have been petty, but it's satisfying to at least imagine I said it.  

    All of this has led me to a deep realization:  Some people would rather send a missionary to the furthest point on earth than witness to their neighbor, or to person who comes through the door of their church.  This is especially dangerous here in the South, where there is a false sense of security that "everyone is a Christian here" (spoiler alert: not true!).  

     The missions curriculum I was asked to teach wasn't even quality missions information.  It was always giving very false stats about how godly everyone in our state is, while the people they were sending missionaries to (whether in non-Bible-belt states in the US or other nations) were ungodly and bad and needed our help to become good like us.   Here is my first critique on that: Missions should always be about love for God and love for people, not about comparisons.  It should not be condescending or conceited.  First Corinthians 13:4b-5a reminds us, that love does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking...  And yet this curriculum was all of those things--boastful, proud, dishonoring others, and self-seeking.  

     The curriculum always said 90% of the people in our state were following Jesus (note: they can't possibly determine who is really following Jesus, only basic stats of what religion people claim).  Pew Research, an unbiased and reliable source, actually says that 79% of our state's residents claim to be Christian--not 90%.  Also, breaking that down, only 50% of our state's residents say they are evangelical Christians (those who have most likely had a salvation experience--while not all claiming to be evangelical have, and there are mainline and other groups of Christians who likely have been saved, so we can't possibly know).  Pew research's figure was much smaller than the curriculum's inflated view. 

     The curriculum also made comments to imply that only 10% of New Yorkers believe God exists (which implies 90% of New Yorkers are atheists).  Again, according to Pew Research, this is untrue.  Fifty-seven precent of New Yorkers claim to be Christians.  As with our state, though, I am certain not every person who claims it really is saved.  But if 57% at least claim to be Christian, they aren't atheists.  This also doesn't count other religious groups who believe in God.  I say all this to assert that their claim that 90% of the good people of New York are atheists is an unfounded assertion.   

     Depending on which research you go by, all US states have at least 50% of the residents claiming to be Christians, but I am certain true believers are a minority anywhere.  Jesus said it would be that way. (Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it. -Matthew 7:14).   Christian culture isn't a virtue in itself.  It is only good inasmuch as it facilitates people coming to salvation.  If this does not happen, there is little benefit to living in a more wholesome, God-fearing culture.  What shall we as Christians profit if we teach people to be moral and nice, yet lose them for all eternity?  

    When I shared my statistical findings and the errors in the curriculum with those over me, almost nobody wanted to hear it, and they refused to believe the statistics I was showing them in black and white.  They wanted to keep believing people in our state were just more godly and Christian and morally superior to those heathens in Oregon, New York, or (gulp) New England.  That is pride, and God hates pride.  (God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. -James 4:6).  

    Some of the finest Christians I have ever known are from places with a much lower Christian presence.  These people have looked to their faith and known it is worth living for, even dying for in some cases.  I can't make a total judgment, but the Christians I have met from New Jersey (a state where 59% of the population claim to be Christians) have known the Bible better than any other Christians I have known.  I grew up in a more Conservative area of California, and I remember going to camp each year.  Kids from all over the state would be there, and there was always a group from San Francisco (a city known for non-Christian values, with 46% of the population claiming to be Christians).  These San Francisco church kids were some of the most godly, spiritually-mature, and biblically-literate of anyone else at camp.  They won sword drills.  They memorized scriptures.  They treated others with a Christlikeness I seldom see. Coincidence?  Maybe.  But my point here isn't really comparison.  It's to illustrate my frustration with the missions curriculum I was given.  

     Part of the reason I got in trouble for sharing the Gospel was because it implied I thought people in our perfect community, coming through our perfect doors, weren't saved, and how dare I think that?   Who did I think I was?  Well, the Bible tells me exactly who I am.  Second Corinthians 5:20 says, We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.  I was told that sharing the Gospel brings confusion!  And yet the God who is not the author of confusion (First Corinthians 14:33) told us to preach the Gospel to the whole of creation (Mark 16:15).  Is God confused?  Of course not.  During this confrontation, I told the person addressing me that this was unbiblical.  I was very polite, but never caved.  I knew that this wasn't necessarily the entire ministry's belief or ideal.  But the fact that someone in leadership would say this was a huge problem to me.  

     When I went home that evening, my husband shared he didn't feel we were led to leave that situation just yet, and I knew I would need God to get through this.  I begged God for a scripture to encourage me, and He immediately led me to Second Timothy 4:5, which states:  As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.  I knew that God was leading me to continue sharing, against all odds.  This has been my lot in life.  Many, many times, I've been called to share the Gospel in so-called Christian settings where it wasn't welcomed.  I had learned when to obey God over human authority. 

     In the book of Acts, not one person who tried to silence Peter, Paul or other apostles was ever one of the "good guys."  They weren't even usually the godless Romans.  They were usually the religious leaders.  They saw themselves as their own personal Bible belt.  But they were wrong.  In Acts 5, a very wise Pharisee named Gamaliel advised the others, Therefore, in the present case I advise you: Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail.  But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God.  (Verses 38-39).  Gamaliel wasn't even a believer in Jesus himself, but he had more wisdom than the other religious leaders.  He knew that if God was behind the apostle's ministry, it couldn't be thwarted.  The same is true in the situation I left.  I know God was behind those who were saved in my class, so the leader who wanted me to stop was really in opposition to the will of God, according to the Bible.  It makes me angry that this person would rather teach these children about the heathens in Wyoming (yes, Wyoming was another state they deemed as inferior) than tell these children about Jesus, and what He has done for us to be saved, and actually inspire them to share Jesus with others (rather than make unfair comparisons).

     Many years ago, in Norco, California, there was a man named Mike.  This man was a janitor at a church, and this church had a day care center for elementary kids after school each day.  Mike shared the Gospel with these kids, gave them gospel tracts, and was always sharing the Bible with them, and asking the staff how he could pray for them.  He was viewed as odd, but he didn't care.  He was kind and good and beloved by the kids.  But he ended up changing jobs, but he promised he would keep praying for them all.  

     Not knowing any of this, I began working at this day care center in 1999, shortly after Mike left.  My first day on the job, I was asked to do Bible with a roomful of kindergarten-sixth graders.  I wasn't given any plan or agenda, so I just shared the Romans Road with them.  Before I even finished, a second-grader named Michaela asked, "How can we be saved?  I want to do that right now!"  That day, 12 children received Christ.  They were filled with the power of the Holy Spirit, and they began leading others to the Lord.  It was a mini-revival.  It reminded me of Acts 2:47, And the Lord added to their numbers daily those who were being saved.  Those who were being saved were hungry for the word, and concerned for the lost.  I saw that evidence of their salvation.  

     You guessed it, though, I got in trouble.  I was confronted, and told to stop.  I was told about Mike, the janitor who was just as odd as me, always talking about Jesus and salvation.  I knew in that moment that I was an answer to this man's prayer and burden, and I couldn't let him or God down!  I kept evangelizing anyway, even though I wasn't supposed to.  I felt like a spy in the Soviet Union!  I learned a lot of tricks, but every day, I prayed that God would keep what I was doing a secret until the day it needed to be known.  I knew my reckoning was coming.  And it did.  

     That morning, I had just read in my Bible about the stoning of Stephen in Acts 7.  As I read it, I felt a nudge from the Lord, Today, there will be a battle, but if you look to Me, you won't feel the stones!  That very day, I was caught evangelizing and confronted for it.  I had a little speech prepared, but instead, as I opened my mouth, the Holy Spirit, who knew the heart of this individual and what they needed to hear, put His words in my mouth, and at the end of the conversation, I was not only told I was allowed to keep evangelizing, but I was asked to lead Bible classes with the Gospel specifically for the kids!  I did that for many years there!  From 1999-2002, over eighty children at that center gave their lives to the Lord.  I ran into some of them many years later, and they were still following Christ.  

     We can't fight God.  We are the answer to other people's prayers.  We can't let them or Jesus down!  The Gospel came to us through sacrifice.  We can't drop the ball!  Much of this has been festering within me for a very long time.  No one who asks you not to share the Gospel is on God's side.  This isn't to say a leader can't ask you to share it in a specific way their ministry prefers.  But asking you not to tell others of the life-giving message of Jesus is actualy hatred.  It is contrary to everything we are commanded to do as Christians.  

     I am still healing up from my recent situation.  I still have troubling dreams.  I could still use your prayers.  But in the meantime, our ministry has seen seven come to the Lord this month alone!  In 1000 years, that will matter a lot more than stress or hurt feelings I might be struggling with.  I choose joy in the Lord, but wanted to interact with these things.  Your insights are welcome.  

Jaclyn and Matthew, two cousins who received Christ last week!  Photo used with permission.  

Moving on, and what we learn

This has been on my heart all week, but I had to wait until I was at the right place to share it. Our family has gone through a church-related transition recently. It has been God's leading for us, and we will continue to partner in our CEF ministry with the situation we left, while embracing the new place God has us. We have dear friends in both the old and new situations, and that won't change. Those in both the old and new situations love and serve the Lord. It has been hard, with troubling dreams some nights that come from a deep part of my heart. I experience great joy in what God has done and is doing, as well as loss and regret. I even feel guilt sometimes. What I'm about to share isn't 100% the reason for our changing situation, because, as I said, God led this way. Very few people in the previous situation contributed to what I'm going to share. However, I share because it has been part of my life story as long as I can remember. I wrote the following several days ago, but waited on God to release me to share it. I rewrote a few sentences here and there.

Our family, Easter 2025, shortly after the above-mentioned change.

As someone who cares deeply about evangelism, I am constantly disillusioned that so few churches have evangelism as any sort of priority in children's programming. They do an evangelism lesson for children the last day of VBS every summer, and just might make one other attempt all year, but otherwise, just tell cute little Bible stories with cute little crafts, and sing fun little songs with fun little hand motions. Without the Gospel, these things give no life change (But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. -First Corinthians 2:14). And yet when I include the Gospel in whatever curriculum I'm given, I am a radical, and must be stopped! If a leader is concerned that I'm not on the page they want me to be on, or that I don't know what I'm doing (I assure everyone I most certainly do), rather than forbidding me (I never obey that request anyway), these leaders should consider that maybe the Lord wants the Gospel to be part of the program, and then implement a training for all volunteers so that EVERYONE is on the same page. I am 100% willing to take trainings. I am 100% willing to adjust to different situations. For example, if I normally use the Romans Road and you want me to use the Three Circles method, or The Four Spiritual Laws, that's fine, and I will comply, as long as it is still the biblical Gospel. I am so sick of being forbidden to share the Gospel in so-called Christian situations (and as I said, I never, ever obey in those cases--ever--because I answer to a higher authority. We must obey God rather than men. Acts 5:29). This has happened multiple times in my life. This wouldn't be happening if these leaders were obeying the Great Commission to begin with. I'm not a radical. I'm an average person who will answer to God one day. I wish more leaders realized they would one day do the same.

     I remember one summer several years ago.  I was leading a group of junior high and high school summer missionaries in California.  We were doing open air evangelism and 5-day Bible Clubs around the city.  One girl on the team had a very deep burden to lead Mormons to the Lord.  One day, while we were driving between Bible Clubs, we saw some Mormon missionaries.  This girl begged me to stop the car and let her go witness to them.  At first, I kind of resisted, because I have been in discussions with Mormon missionaries before, and they were pretty fruitless, and I just didn't want to get us stuck in a situation, but the Holy Spirit immediately prompted my heart, Who are you to tell her who she should and shouldn't witness to?  I'm the one who calls her, not you!  Knowing I couldn't fight the Lord's calling on this girls' life, I pulled over and let her go witness to the Mormons.  It was a respectful discussion between them, and the Lord was in it.  But I learned such an important lesson about letting others follow their calling, and making my own calling about accommodating other Christians and their gifts as well as my own.

     If you tell any Christian not to use his or her spiritual gift, you are really telling that person they aren't a valid part of the Body, and that is the most painful thing that can happen to a Christian.  We expect rejection from the world, but we shouldn't face that in God's family.  I've spent so much of my teen and adult life distrusting other Christians because of these experiences.  It's not right.  

     I'm back to the present now, from what I had written earlier this past week.  It's hard moving on.  How can God lead us to something, then lead us away?  I'm reminded of Elijah in First Kings 17.  God led Him to the brook Cherith, with very specfic instructions about where to go and how he would be fed in verse 2-4.  This was God's will for Elijah for a while, and yet in verse 7, the brook dried up, and God redirected Elijah to the next place.  Sometimes, our brook dries up, and we have to move on.  It's hard.  It hurts.  It's not cut and dried like Elijah's story.  Sometimes we are still being blessed and fed, but we still have to move on, because God is leading us.  Maybe for others the brook hasn't dried up.  Yet in some way, He lets us know our brook has dried up, and He has a different place in store.  These are my thoughts today, and have been this week.  

Ripples

     My preschooler loves to throw rocks and other objects into any body of water he can find.  This includes the gutter, puddles, and especially the creek that runs behind our neighborhood.

     Sometimes, he'll pick up a huge rock and hurl it in.  I don't have to tell you what a big splash it makes when it hits the creek.  Water splashes all over, followed by ripples.  These ripples continue for a while, gradually getting smaller and smaller, subtler and subtler.  

     Other times, he'll throw in a smaller, more-medium-sized rock or a pinecone.  The splash is smaller by far, but I notice that the ripples are about the same.  They continue on for about the same amount of time as the ripples from a big splash.  

     Still other times, he will throw in tiny pebbles.  They barely make a noticeable splash at all, and yet little tiny ripples emanate from the contact made with the water, going on and on for just as long as the other ripples mentioned.  

     My point?  Well, our lives and acts of obedience make a splash in the world.  Some make big, obvious splashes.  The late Billy Graham made a very big splash in the Christian world.  He went down in history as a man who preached the Gospel and led evangelistic crusades.  And there are ripples effects of his ministry.  No doubt countless who were saved at one of his events went on to live victorious Christian lives, winning their own battles, making their own impacts for the kingdom.  Perhaps they led others to Christ would never have attended a Billy Graham crusade.  And then some of those people turned around and ran their race for the Lord.  They're all ripples for Billy Graham's big splash.  

     Most of us aren't big splashes.  Most of us won't go down in history.  When I was growing up, I used to wish I could travel forward in time 100 years and look myself up in the encyclopedia to see if I ever became famous (but I never did, as time machines don't exist, and now, encyclopedias don't either)!  I don't foresee fame for myself, and that's okay!  Fame does not necessarily denote meaningfulness.  Some of us are medium or small splashes.  And yet we still produce just as many ripples.  We have no idea, but by obeying God's leading in our lives, we set events in motion that God will use to bring people to Him that we might not even meet in this lifetime.  

     Not only do we all make some sort of splash, but we're also ripples of someone's else's splash.  Jesus made that first splash--a gigantic splash, of which every person who has ever received Him, or ever will receive Him, is a ripple.  

     There have been smaller but significant splashes in church history.  When the Apostle Paul was trying to get into Asia, but the Holy Spirit prevented him, and instead led him to Europe (Acts 16:6-10), that was a splash that has ripple effects all over the world.  The Gospel traveled through Europe, eventually making it to the British Isles.  From there, Christianity eventually spread to America, Australia, and practically to the ends of the earth as British Christians settled these nations, as well as eventual missionaries from all of these British-influenced countries have reached around the globe.  All of us in these nations are ripple effects from the splash in Acts 16, even though the Apostle Paul had no idea these countries would one day exist, or even that they existed as land masses in uncharted places in his day!  We really have no idea who will be blessed as a ripple effect of our obedience long after the fact!

     Paul wrote in Philippians 4:17 that those who supported his ministry would receive fruit that may abound to [their] account.  From this, I believe that those who are catalysts for a ministry, even if they themselves aren't the ones there actually doing it, receive rewards for their part.  

     Years ago, I had trained a summer missionary named Beth to do 5-day Bible clubs and share the Gospel as part of a team.  Beth led a little boy named Jason to the Lord in one of these clubs.  Jason went on to become a very powerful witness to other children, but every time he shared Christ, he would ask me, "Will I get a reward in Heaven for that, or will Beth, since she started it by telling me about Jesus first?"  I believe they both will.  These people Jason shared with are fruit that abounds to Beth's account.  But someone also once told Beth about Jesus, and someone told that person about Jesus, and so on and so forth.  Beth was both a ripple and a splash, as we all are.  

    

     Have you ever heard of Anna Bartlett Warner?   Probably not.  She was an American Christian who lived from 1827-1915.  In 1860, she wrote the beloved song Jesus Loves Me.  She originally wrote it in a novel she was writing with her sister.  Two years later, the song appeared in William Batchelder Bradbury's Sunday school hymnal.  

     Over 20 years after Anna Bartlett Warner's forgotten book was published, a teenager named Amy heard the song Jesus Loves Me, and was convicted of her need for salvation.  She received Christ as a result of this song.  Amy went on to become the famous missionary to India (you may know her by her full name, Amy Carmichael).  She saved over 1000 children from being temple slaves, and introduced them to Jesus.  She wrote 35 books.  She impacted generations of missionaries and those they won to Christ.  She enacted legal change that ended child prostitute in India.  And all of these are ripples for the largely-unknown Anna Bartlett Warner and her little song.  Some people are versions of Amy Carmichael, who make huge, obvious splashes, and others are more like Anna Bartlett Warner, and their small splashes are barely noticed at the time, and yet the ripples they produce are just as powerful!  

     Stories like this are inspiring, and I believe they happen more than we know.  But I also think that even if we don't see or know about any ripple, we can just rejoice that we have faithfully walked with Christ, influencing others for Him for one more generation.  I have seen people come to the Lord, and even if NOTHING else ever happens as a ripple, this person will be in Heaven for all eternity.  That alone is enough of a ripple to get me really excited!  And yet I believe there really are a lot more ripples than we can ever know, or ever will know until Heaven.  Keep obeying and doing what you're called to do.  Eternal difference are being made!

Persecution?

I speak for no one but myself. My experience does not define yours, and therefore can't invalidate yours. You might have experienced love and acceptance where I experienced rejection and loss, or vice versa. My experiences need not be a threat to yours, nor yours to mine. We both had legitimate experiences. Having said that...

Churches and ministries need to utilize their members' spiritual gifts for the glory of God, not use the actual people to fill a place, and then discard them when the need is no longer pressing. People are not a commodity. They are God's most priceless creation. Even mature Christians are vulnerable and need to be cherished. We all matter. When you go to church, treat everyone there like they're the most valuable person you ever met, because they are!

Our faith is in Jesus and His finished work, not in other people, but hurt from fellow believers is real, and very painful. I have experienced this hurt, some recently, some years ago. The enemy uses it against me often, and I have to claim Romans 8:1, There is therefore now no condemnation for them that are in Christ Jesus.

The summer I was fourteen, I was excommunicated from a church body I had thought loved me. My whole family was kicked out, in fact. Others experienced love and joy there, and I don't in any way deny that. I have good memories there that I can still enjoy remembering. Good and hurt can coexist. People who love the Lord can make leadership mistakes. The tragedies are the casualties of these mistakes. I am one such casualty. All the same, mistakes are forgivable.

The "crime" that got me kicked out was that I shared the Gospel at VBS and led 24 second graders to Christ. I apparently didn't do it at the right time, and it wasn't part of the program. I was a troublemaker who had to be stopped. You'd think I was selling drugs behind the church the way I was treated. I didn't share the Gospel in any weird way. The older gentleman I was asked to help, Mr. Johnson, invited me to share with the second graders. I was suddenly filled with a need to get the Gospel out. It was a power beyond myself, urging me on, and it would have been painful not to do it. That's how it should be to use our spiritual gifts. We should feel led and empowered, and the idea of not doing it should be unsettling to us. I opened my mouth, and I found I was able to articulate the Gospel in a way these children could receive it. Mr. Johnson was asked to stop letting teenagers share, but he obeyed God rather than man, and he let me do it again. He was also excommunicated, and for the rest of his life, he never really found peace from what happened. It was one of those things where he thought he had gotten over it, but then it would still hurt him, and he would give it back to God, and think it was over, but then it would still come back in painful waves. He supported me as a missionary until he died, and in our final conversation, he was still broken and grieved that we had been so wounded--but he wouldn't trade those who were saved at that long ago VBS for anything!

Ever since that day years ago, in another century, I have struggled with feeling that I'm not a valid part of the Body of Christ, and that other Christians don't really love me. I have recently experienced some difficulties inflicted by fellow believers that have hearkened back to these painful times as a teenager.

This experience at 14 was the first, but not the only time I was in trouble for sharing the Gospel in a time and place when it should have been allowed and celebrated. This has been my lot in life, and it has happened to me multiple times, including surprisingly recently. In every case, it was simply bad for business. In one particular instance, my right to free speech was violated, though I chose not to pursue legal action. Yet I did not cave. I continued evangelizing. I'm not a hero. I'm just someone who will answer to God one day, and take that very seriously. This is a lot more common than people realize. There are Christians in every nation who are facing pressure every day, and are still taking a stand for Christ, using their gifts to bring Him glory, against odds we know nothing about. I get so tired of hearing people say Christians in the US and other western nations don't experience persecution.  In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted (Second Timothy 3:12).  Don't minimize the pain some believers go through simply because it looks different than stories we hear of other nations.  

     Being asked to stop sharing the Gospel is a moral dilemma, and different Christians might feel led differently.  When this has happened to me, I didn't just bluntly continue sharing in order to stick it to the person telling me to stop.  I didn't have anything to prove to them.  I tried to be very respectful.  I evaluated each situation, and I continued sharing in a more discrete manner that was appropriate to the time and place--but I never stopped sharing the Gospel.  Those who came to salvation when I "disobediently" continued sharing are my very best argument for continuing.  I can't wait to see them all in Heaven one day.  The Gospel came to us through the sacrifice of persecuted believers throughout history.  We can't drop the ball!  

I answer to a higher authority, and that is Jesus Christ. Acts 5:29 sums up my philosophy well: ...We ought to obey God rather than men. The Apostle Paul said in Acts 20:24  But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.  In a thousand years, all that will matter will be that people came to Christ and will be in Heaven for all eternity.  That is so much more important that the programs, or power of leadership, or whatever other reason people might have for opposing the Gospel.  

     In every place where I have been wounded, there are redemption qualities.  Sometimes, there has even been redemption for me with that situation.  Right now, our family is kind of between a few things, but I am so thankful I have the support of both of my ministry-related jobs (CEF and the Christian school I teach at).  Because of these things, my local body far exceeds any individual church, and I experience Jesus' love from many different believers.  In no way am I criticizing any specific church, nor am I discouraging anyone from being part of any specific church.  My experience isn't yours and yours isn't mine.  Keep running your race and I'll keep running mine.  We both answer to Jesus!  The prize is waiting!