So much was on the line...all else had failed...she had little to lose at this point...
I just finished reading a very intense book entitled When We Were On Fire, by Addie Zierman. In it, the author recounts her journey within Christianity. There was a lot I related to, and a lot I didn't. I feel a need to interact with it. I don't recommend this book as an encouraging read, but I could possibly recommend it as a thought-provoking discussion starter. There are some pretty long reviews of this book on Amazon. It's that kind of book. The type that provokes a lot of response. I really enjoyed reading what my fellow readers had to say. The one-star crowd really didn't have too much difference of opinion from the five-star reviewers. It was their take on it that caused them to rate as they had. As for me, I gave it three stars. One for the excellent writing, one for the courage in sharing her story so openly, and one because I related to aspects of it. One thing that drove me a little bit crazy was that she switched from first to second person in the story, and from past to present tense. I've included my full review below (and this isn't the longest one on Amazon. As I said, it's one of those kinds of books). If you decide to read this book, let me know, because I'd enjoy "debriefing" from it with you.
I will preface this by saying I'm about two years older than Addie (judging by the years and events stated in the book) and, as a devout Christian (then and now), I lived through many of the experiences she shares of 90s teen Christian culture. That is what drew me to this book. I would say nostalgia in this book would be very real for anyone who grew up in the 80s and 90s.
This book is Addie's story, in her own words. She grew up "on fire" for Christ. All the trappings of 90s Christian pop-culture were a big part of her teenage faith (WWJD bracelets, browsing in Christian bookstores, zany Christian T-shirts, DC Talk, etc.). Other aspects of evangelical Christianity, which are not dependent on the decade, also permeated Addie's life, such as camps, mission trips, youth group, etc. She is bold in faith...until she is burned one too many times as a young woman. This Christian subculture she had loved so much failed her. Things that once meant deep truth to her became empty cliches. Addie recounts her plunge into depression and rebellion, and briefly recounts her journey back into church and fellowship. Her counselor and her loving husband really help her through.
Okay, here is my take on it. First, I'm going to say I don't even like the term "evangelical", although I am one. I feel this word is more associated with voting blocs, and also gives unbelievers and more liberal Christians a way to label and put negative connotations on us. I say I am a Christian. My definition of that comes from the Bible. Most people understand this without my having to say the word "evangelical". Having said that, I don't feel her goal in this book was to rant at evangelicals (she even admits at the end that they attend an evangelical church again). I think she is sharing her struggles with some of the ways evangelical culture failed her. And you know, that shallow 90s pop-Christianity failed me too, once upon a time in 1996. I was in high school. Our church had become more "seeker-friendly" and I got kicked out of the church by the pastor because I led some kids to the Lord at Vacation Bible School. That was bad PR, I guess. It was humiliating. Totally different than Addie's experience, and yet similar in that we were both failed by the outer trappings of pop-Christianity. After this, I had my heart broken by a Christian boyfriend who was very inappropriate. Again, it was different than Addie's boyfriend story, but still similar enough. So, my heart went out to her as I read. Here is where my story is very different. First, I couldn't stand DC Talk (sorry to their fans! No offense intended). My tastes veered more toward Steven Curtis Chapman and Rich Mullins. Second, as I was a little older than Addie, I was never as into the "cool" Christian culture of the day as she was. It seemed kind of fake to me, and never made me feel very close to Christ. There were a few things I did and had (like a WWJD bracelet and a very trendy mid-90s Teen Study Bible), but mostly I wasn't into the trendy stuff. Even more different was the way I reacted when I was wounded by these fellow believers. I lost faith in people and retreated within, but I never left the faith, the church, or the Bible. I never redefined my faith. God and people were always two separate entities to me. My faith is based on the unchanging truth of God's Word. It needs no redefinition.
Here are my conclusions about this story. Addie's faith was in people. Her eyes were on people. She looked to people to validate her and meet her emotional needs. She seldom was without a boyfriend. All of this was unhealthy and set her up for failure. I noticed that very seldom in this book does she recount an actual experience with the Lord. Even her salvation story at age 5 was based on a nightmare about hell, not on conviction of sin by the Holy Spirit. I'm not saying that wasn't real salvation. But I did notice the lack of actual connection between herself and God throughout the book. People seemed to be her lifeline. Other than when she was planning her mission trip, I never see her even trying to seek God or hear His voice, and even then, she was following her boyfriend's instructions. I really never saw her develop a mature, independent relationship with God. Maybe that's what she is doing now. She talks about redefining faith, but doesn't say what her basis is for this redefinition. If she is redefining it based on what the Bible actually says, than I agree with her. But she doesn't actually say what the basis of the redefinition is.
Another concern I have is that she really takes issue with a lot of the Christian phraseology. She calls them cliches. Some, perhaps, are, but phrase like "Born Again" are straight out of the Bible. If we're going to call ourselves Christians, we can't take exception to God's word. And it needs to be noted that evangelical Christians are not the only group to have jargon. I have had Catholic, Mormon and Muslim friends, and they definitely had some vocabulary of their own that would need to be explained to an outsider. So, specific lingo shouldn't be seen as a purely evangelical thing. Every subculture has it.
This was long, but there was a lot to interact with.
Saturday, May 26, 2018
Thursday, May 17, 2018
Written In Heaven
BRRRING! the blare of the telephone by my bed woke me from a troubled sleep. It was December 23, 2009. As I sat up to answer the phone, I squinted at the alarm clock. 2 AM. Somehow, as I reached out to lift the receiver from the cradle, I had a feeling I knew what this was all about...
I have hesitated ever writing this particular post. It is one of the craziest experiences I have ever had in ministry. I seldom talk about it, because the few times I have, I've gotten some pretty odd reactions. However, I believe the time has come to share.
I used to mentor and disciple a young woman I've called Marcia in this blog (not her real name, see my post The Brady Bunch). Marcia was the oldest of six children, three girls, and three boys (who, for the purpose of preserving their privacy, I refer to as Greg, Marcia, Peter, Jan, Bobby and Cindy). Interestingly, the girls did all have long blonde hair and the boys had brown hair...but the resemblance between their lives and the fun-loving TV show ends there. Their father was in jail, and they were being raised by an emotionally-distant mother and a more involved grandmother and aunt. I first met them in a Good News Club I helped teach in their neighborhood. Through some circumstances orchestrated by God, I began driving them to church and AWANA. Through this, they had opportunities go to go camp and other ministries. It was a joy to get to see them grow in the Lord over the years. Marcia, in particular, really had a heart for the Lord. She, Greg and Jan all served as summer missionaries on my evangelism team.
During the Christmas season of 2009, Marcia and other youth from the church helped me teach Happy Birthday Jesus parties in the community, and we had several children pray to receive Christ. It was exciting. On Sunday, December 20, I gave Marcia a new Bible as a Christmas present. For some odd reason, I had felt compelled to write my home phone number inside. She already had my number. But as I gave her that Bible after church, I told her, "Marcia, if you need to, you may call me any hour of the day or night." Even to my own ears, it sounded melodramatic. I had no idea how soon she would be taking my advice.
The next day, we did another Happy Birthday Jesus party. On Tuesday, the twenty-second, I began Christmas vacation from work and ministry. It was supposed to be a nice, relaxing day...but it wasn't. I woke up feeling bad. I don't mean physically. I've never been sure how to put it into words. But something at the core of my spirit was disturbed. Something evil was very near. I felt fear of unseen enemies. Thoughts of failure and despair filled my mind. I could barely breathe. I felt no hope. There was no physical reason for this. None whatsoever. But I felt a strong sense of debilitating defeat. I had no desire for anything. I finally mustered the motivation to put on some Christmas music, and that was the only thing that helped at all. But the relief lasted only as long as the music. I had to keep playing it all day. Finally, I settled down into a fitful sleep. My dreams were troubling, until the phone rang at 2:00 in the morning.
As I sat up to answer it, my heart pounded so loudly I could hear it throbbing in my ear. I somehow knew that this phone call had to do with the spiritual battle I'd been facing.
"Hello?"
"Miss Janelle?" the terrified voice was hardly recognizable as Marcia.
"Marcia, are you okay?"
She started to cry. "No, I'm not. We're getting attacked."
I sat bolt upright in bed. "You're getting attacked, what do you mean?"
The long and short of it was this: Jan had invited a very weird friend over to spend the night. They were all in Marcia's room (which happened to be in the garage. Their garage was separate from the house, 1940's style, but they had furnished it as a bedroom for Marcia). This friend, whom I'll call Tammy, had begun uttering spells and saying evil things. She had effectively put Jan into a trance. It must be noted that Jan had not been walking with the Lord for the past several months, and had gotten in with some troubling friends at the junior high school. Tammy was one of them. Cindy also had some little friends over, and Tammy had supposedly cast a spell on them to put them in a trance. While Marcia was telling me this, crying, I heard a weird voice in the background make some sort of weird statement, to which Marcia screamed, "Stop it, I'm a follower of Jesus!" The voice stopped abruptly.
Marcia had told me that she had started singing hymns from church, and it had helped a little. She had been reciting the Lord's prayer every time Tammy had tried to stay anything to her. "Will you come over and help us?"
"I'll see what I can do."
As I threw on clothes, I felt validated in a strange way. The crazy feelings of earlier were part of a bigger spiritual battle. It wasn't about me. I drove the three miles to Marcia's house. I was nervous. What was I actually going to do? What would be the outcome? In the Bible, Paul and Silas had been thrown in jail for casting out a demon. I wished very much that I had another believer with me, but I didn't want more people losing sleep over this.
"Lord," I prayed. "If there are believers anywhere on earth who are awake and know who I am, please lay on their hearts to pray for me right now."
I decided a few things. First, I was not going to physically touch Tammy at all, or even go near her. Second, I wasn't going to attempt to exercise the demon unless she wanted it gone from her life. After all, Jesus said that when a demon leaves a person, it eventually returns with seven more, unless that person has given themselves to the Lord (Matthew 12:43-45).
As I pulled up in front of Marcia's house, a peace filled me. It was as if the battle had already been won, and I was just going in to watch God do it. I had joy in the Lord. Victory was right there. I felt the power of God surrounding me. I know His angels went with me.
As I entered that garage, Marcia ran and hugged me. "That's Tammy," she pointed at a skinny junior high girl with dyed black hair and a pink streak running through it.
Tammy's face contorted as she looked at me. She twitched unnaturally. The other girls in the room were quiet and subdued, but no longer seemed to be under any sort of power.
"Read the Bible to us," little Cindy told me.
I told the girls that this was a spiritual battle. I read Ephesians chapter 6.
"When you read that," Tammy spoke, "I feel peace in this room, but like I'm on fire inside." She told me about how she had given her life to Satan and had a spirit guide living inside her. "And he's really scared of you and wants you to leave," she told me.
I looked her straight in the eye and said, "Tammy, you have made the wrong alliance. Do you want to be free?"
She twitched several more times, but finally said yes.
I opened my Bible again. I went through the Romans road, sharing Romans 3:23, (for all have sinned...) Romans 6:23 (For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life...), Romans 5:8, (but God demonstrates His love for us in that while we were sill sinners, Christ died for us). Tammy listened. Finally, I opened to Romans 10:9, and read, "If you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord--"
"Aaaaaagh!" Tammy's scream pierced the room. The twitching grew violent. Her whole body started convulsing. Marcia put her hands on Tammy's shoulders, but Tammy threw her off with a strength she probably didn't possess on her own. I looked at her face, into her eyes. But I don't believe I was seeing her eyes. They were black, absorbing light. I saw the deepest fear and hate I had ever seen. Her face twitched and contorted until it looked like the face of a gargoyle instead of a human. I was looking into the eyes of a demon.
"Tammy," I spoke, "You can be free, but you need to renounce this claim Satan has on your life. You need to repent of your sins, including Satan worship. You need to make Jesus Christ the Lord of your life, and commit to follow Him from now on. You need to receive His as your Savior, and believe He died for you."
Her face cleared for a minute. "Yeah, I want that."
"Let's pray," I began. "Dear Lord, I pray for Tammy right now. I pray that in the Name of Jesus Christ, and under His shed blood..."
"Stop! No!" She screamed. "He's trying to kill me!"
"He knows he's going to have to leave."
"I changed my mind. I don't want to change."
"Tammy, you've see what Jesus can do for you..."
Her face contorted back to the evil gargoyle. I had made a commitment to abide by Tammy's wishes. She wasn't ready to renounce this.
Instead, Tammy (or Tammy's body being controlled by the demon) turned to Marcia and said in a hard voice, "Your brother's going to hell! He belongs to us!"
One of the brothers had also fallen in with wrong friends. Greg had been saved in church, and had grown in the Lord somewhat. He was going through a very dark time, however. At Tammy's words (or the demon's words), Marcia began sobbing.
I looked into that evil face and stated, "You are a liar. You work for the father of lies. Jesus Christ is the Truth, and He is the only one we are going to listen to right now."
The face retreated back from me, as if I were a physical threat. I took Marcia and Jan outside into the cool, December air. Together, we prayed about what had just happened. I prayed for them. And them I reminded them, "Greater is He who is in you than he who is in her."
As I drove back into my own driveway, the sun was just coming up. It was 6AM, four hours since I first got the call. I wasn't sure what I had accomplished. I still don't know.
I know I went in the strength of the Lord, and that the evil spirit was afraid of Christ in me. But, as Jesus warned His disciples: However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven. (Luke 10:20).
I have hesitated ever writing this particular post. It is one of the craziest experiences I have ever had in ministry. I seldom talk about it, because the few times I have, I've gotten some pretty odd reactions. However, I believe the time has come to share.
I used to mentor and disciple a young woman I've called Marcia in this blog (not her real name, see my post The Brady Bunch). Marcia was the oldest of six children, three girls, and three boys (who, for the purpose of preserving their privacy, I refer to as Greg, Marcia, Peter, Jan, Bobby and Cindy). Interestingly, the girls did all have long blonde hair and the boys had brown hair...but the resemblance between their lives and the fun-loving TV show ends there. Their father was in jail, and they were being raised by an emotionally-distant mother and a more involved grandmother and aunt. I first met them in a Good News Club I helped teach in their neighborhood. Through some circumstances orchestrated by God, I began driving them to church and AWANA. Through this, they had opportunities go to go camp and other ministries. It was a joy to get to see them grow in the Lord over the years. Marcia, in particular, really had a heart for the Lord. She, Greg and Jan all served as summer missionaries on my evangelism team.
During the Christmas season of 2009, Marcia and other youth from the church helped me teach Happy Birthday Jesus parties in the community, and we had several children pray to receive Christ. It was exciting. On Sunday, December 20, I gave Marcia a new Bible as a Christmas present. For some odd reason, I had felt compelled to write my home phone number inside. She already had my number. But as I gave her that Bible after church, I told her, "Marcia, if you need to, you may call me any hour of the day or night." Even to my own ears, it sounded melodramatic. I had no idea how soon she would be taking my advice.
The next day, we did another Happy Birthday Jesus party. On Tuesday, the twenty-second, I began Christmas vacation from work and ministry. It was supposed to be a nice, relaxing day...but it wasn't. I woke up feeling bad. I don't mean physically. I've never been sure how to put it into words. But something at the core of my spirit was disturbed. Something evil was very near. I felt fear of unseen enemies. Thoughts of failure and despair filled my mind. I could barely breathe. I felt no hope. There was no physical reason for this. None whatsoever. But I felt a strong sense of debilitating defeat. I had no desire for anything. I finally mustered the motivation to put on some Christmas music, and that was the only thing that helped at all. But the relief lasted only as long as the music. I had to keep playing it all day. Finally, I settled down into a fitful sleep. My dreams were troubling, until the phone rang at 2:00 in the morning.
As I sat up to answer it, my heart pounded so loudly I could hear it throbbing in my ear. I somehow knew that this phone call had to do with the spiritual battle I'd been facing.
"Hello?"
"Miss Janelle?" the terrified voice was hardly recognizable as Marcia.
"Marcia, are you okay?"
She started to cry. "No, I'm not. We're getting attacked."
I sat bolt upright in bed. "You're getting attacked, what do you mean?"
The long and short of it was this: Jan had invited a very weird friend over to spend the night. They were all in Marcia's room (which happened to be in the garage. Their garage was separate from the house, 1940's style, but they had furnished it as a bedroom for Marcia). This friend, whom I'll call Tammy, had begun uttering spells and saying evil things. She had effectively put Jan into a trance. It must be noted that Jan had not been walking with the Lord for the past several months, and had gotten in with some troubling friends at the junior high school. Tammy was one of them. Cindy also had some little friends over, and Tammy had supposedly cast a spell on them to put them in a trance. While Marcia was telling me this, crying, I heard a weird voice in the background make some sort of weird statement, to which Marcia screamed, "Stop it, I'm a follower of Jesus!" The voice stopped abruptly.
Marcia had told me that she had started singing hymns from church, and it had helped a little. She had been reciting the Lord's prayer every time Tammy had tried to stay anything to her. "Will you come over and help us?"
"I'll see what I can do."
As I threw on clothes, I felt validated in a strange way. The crazy feelings of earlier were part of a bigger spiritual battle. It wasn't about me. I drove the three miles to Marcia's house. I was nervous. What was I actually going to do? What would be the outcome? In the Bible, Paul and Silas had been thrown in jail for casting out a demon. I wished very much that I had another believer with me, but I didn't want more people losing sleep over this.
"Lord," I prayed. "If there are believers anywhere on earth who are awake and know who I am, please lay on their hearts to pray for me right now."
I decided a few things. First, I was not going to physically touch Tammy at all, or even go near her. Second, I wasn't going to attempt to exercise the demon unless she wanted it gone from her life. After all, Jesus said that when a demon leaves a person, it eventually returns with seven more, unless that person has given themselves to the Lord (Matthew 12:43-45).
As I pulled up in front of Marcia's house, a peace filled me. It was as if the battle had already been won, and I was just going in to watch God do it. I had joy in the Lord. Victory was right there. I felt the power of God surrounding me. I know His angels went with me.
As I entered that garage, Marcia ran and hugged me. "That's Tammy," she pointed at a skinny junior high girl with dyed black hair and a pink streak running through it.
Tammy's face contorted as she looked at me. She twitched unnaturally. The other girls in the room were quiet and subdued, but no longer seemed to be under any sort of power.
"Read the Bible to us," little Cindy told me.
I told the girls that this was a spiritual battle. I read Ephesians chapter 6.
"When you read that," Tammy spoke, "I feel peace in this room, but like I'm on fire inside." She told me about how she had given her life to Satan and had a spirit guide living inside her. "And he's really scared of you and wants you to leave," she told me.
I looked her straight in the eye and said, "Tammy, you have made the wrong alliance. Do you want to be free?"
She twitched several more times, but finally said yes.
I opened my Bible again. I went through the Romans road, sharing Romans 3:23, (for all have sinned...) Romans 6:23 (For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life...), Romans 5:8, (but God demonstrates His love for us in that while we were sill sinners, Christ died for us). Tammy listened. Finally, I opened to Romans 10:9, and read, "If you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord--"
"Aaaaaagh!" Tammy's scream pierced the room. The twitching grew violent. Her whole body started convulsing. Marcia put her hands on Tammy's shoulders, but Tammy threw her off with a strength she probably didn't possess on her own. I looked at her face, into her eyes. But I don't believe I was seeing her eyes. They were black, absorbing light. I saw the deepest fear and hate I had ever seen. Her face twitched and contorted until it looked like the face of a gargoyle instead of a human. I was looking into the eyes of a demon.
"Tammy," I spoke, "You can be free, but you need to renounce this claim Satan has on your life. You need to repent of your sins, including Satan worship. You need to make Jesus Christ the Lord of your life, and commit to follow Him from now on. You need to receive His as your Savior, and believe He died for you."
Her face cleared for a minute. "Yeah, I want that."
"Let's pray," I began. "Dear Lord, I pray for Tammy right now. I pray that in the Name of Jesus Christ, and under His shed blood..."
"Stop! No!" She screamed. "He's trying to kill me!"
"He knows he's going to have to leave."
"I changed my mind. I don't want to change."
"Tammy, you've see what Jesus can do for you..."
Her face contorted back to the evil gargoyle. I had made a commitment to abide by Tammy's wishes. She wasn't ready to renounce this.
Instead, Tammy (or Tammy's body being controlled by the demon) turned to Marcia and said in a hard voice, "Your brother's going to hell! He belongs to us!"
One of the brothers had also fallen in with wrong friends. Greg had been saved in church, and had grown in the Lord somewhat. He was going through a very dark time, however. At Tammy's words (or the demon's words), Marcia began sobbing.
I looked into that evil face and stated, "You are a liar. You work for the father of lies. Jesus Christ is the Truth, and He is the only one we are going to listen to right now."
The face retreated back from me, as if I were a physical threat. I took Marcia and Jan outside into the cool, December air. Together, we prayed about what had just happened. I prayed for them. And them I reminded them, "Greater is He who is in you than he who is in her."
As I drove back into my own driveway, the sun was just coming up. It was 6AM, four hours since I first got the call. I wasn't sure what I had accomplished. I still don't know.
I know I went in the strength of the Lord, and that the evil spirit was afraid of Christ in me. But, as Jesus warned His disciples: However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven. (Luke 10:20).
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