So much was on the line...all else had failed...she had little to lose at this point...
I just finished reading a very intense book entitled When We Were On Fire, by Addie Zierman. In it, the author recounts her journey within Christianity. There was a lot I related to, and a lot I didn't. I feel a need to interact with it. I don't recommend this book as an encouraging read, but I could possibly recommend it as a thought-provoking discussion starter. There are some pretty long reviews of this book on Amazon. It's that kind of book. The type that provokes a lot of response. I really enjoyed reading what my fellow readers had to say. The one-star crowd really didn't have too much difference of opinion from the five-star reviewers. It was their take on it that caused them to rate as they had. As for me, I gave it three stars. One for the excellent writing, one for the courage in sharing her story so openly, and one because I related to aspects of it. One thing that drove me a little bit crazy was that she switched from first to second person in the story, and from past to present tense. I've included my full review below (and this isn't the longest one on Amazon. As I said, it's one of those kinds of books). If you decide to read this book, let me know, because I'd enjoy "debriefing" from it with you.
I will preface this by saying I'm about two years older than Addie (judging by the years and events stated in the book) and, as a devout Christian (then and now), I lived through many of the experiences she shares of 90s teen Christian culture. That is what drew me to this book. I would say nostalgia in this book would be very real for anyone who grew up in the 80s and 90s.
This book is Addie's story, in her own words. She grew up "on fire" for Christ. All the trappings of 90s Christian pop-culture were a big part of her teenage faith (WWJD bracelets, browsing in Christian bookstores, zany Christian T-shirts, DC Talk, etc.). Other aspects of evangelical Christianity, which are not dependent on the decade, also permeated Addie's life, such as camps, mission trips, youth group, etc. She is bold in faith...until she is burned one too many times as a young woman. This Christian subculture she had loved so much failed her. Things that once meant deep truth to her became empty cliches. Addie recounts her plunge into depression and rebellion, and briefly recounts her journey back into church and fellowship. Her counselor and her loving husband really help her through.
Okay, here is my take on it. First, I'm going to say I don't even like the term "evangelical", although I am one. I feel this word is more associated with voting blocs, and also gives unbelievers and more liberal Christians a way to label and put negative connotations on us. I say I am a Christian. My definition of that comes from the Bible. Most people understand this without my having to say the word "evangelical". Having said that, I don't feel her goal in this book was to rant at evangelicals (she even admits at the end that they attend an evangelical church again). I think she is sharing her struggles with some of the ways evangelical culture failed her. And you know, that shallow 90s pop-Christianity failed me too, once upon a time in 1996. I was in high school. Our church had become more "seeker-friendly" and I got kicked out of the church by the pastor because I led some kids to the Lord at Vacation Bible School. That was bad PR, I guess. It was humiliating. Totally different than Addie's experience, and yet similar in that we were both failed by the outer trappings of pop-Christianity. After this, I had my heart broken by a Christian boyfriend who was very inappropriate. Again, it was different than Addie's boyfriend story, but still similar enough. So, my heart went out to her as I read. Here is where my story is very different. First, I couldn't stand DC Talk (sorry to their fans! No offense intended). My tastes veered more toward Steven Curtis Chapman and Rich Mullins. Second, as I was a little older than Addie, I was never as into the "cool" Christian culture of the day as she was. It seemed kind of fake to me, and never made me feel very close to Christ. There were a few things I did and had (like a WWJD bracelet and a very trendy mid-90s Teen Study Bible), but mostly I wasn't into the trendy stuff. Even more different was the way I reacted when I was wounded by these fellow believers. I lost faith in people and retreated within, but I never left the faith, the church, or the Bible. I never redefined my faith. God and people were always two separate entities to me. My faith is based on the unchanging truth of God's Word. It needs no redefinition.
Here are my conclusions about this story. Addie's faith was in people. Her eyes were on people. She looked to people to validate her and meet her emotional needs. She seldom was without a boyfriend. All of this was unhealthy and set her up for failure. I noticed that very seldom in this book does she recount an actual experience with the Lord. Even her salvation story at age 5 was based on a nightmare about hell, not on conviction of sin by the Holy Spirit. I'm not saying that wasn't real salvation. But I did notice the lack of actual connection between herself and God throughout the book. People seemed to be her lifeline. Other than when she was planning her mission trip, I never see her even trying to seek God or hear His voice, and even then, she was following her boyfriend's instructions. I really never saw her develop a mature, independent relationship with God. Maybe that's what she is doing now. She talks about redefining faith, but doesn't say what her basis is for this redefinition. If she is redefining it based on what the Bible actually says, than I agree with her. But she doesn't actually say what the basis of the redefinition is.
Another concern I have is that she really takes issue with a lot of the Christian phraseology. She calls them cliches. Some, perhaps, are, but phrase like "Born Again" are straight out of the Bible. If we're going to call ourselves Christians, we can't take exception to God's word. And it needs to be noted that evangelical Christians are not the only group to have jargon. I have had Catholic, Mormon and Muslim friends, and they definitely had some vocabulary of their own that would need to be explained to an outsider. So, specific lingo shouldn't be seen as a purely evangelical thing. Every subculture has it.
This was long, but there was a lot to interact with.
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