Remember...but don't linger

     Sometimes unmet expectations aren't disappointing.  It depends on what you expect, and how flexible you are.  I'm not always very flexible, and am therefore disappointed more often than I should be.  This is something God is working with me on, though, and this Christmas season was a joyful example!

Above: the Christmas Tree in Palm Springs, California, December 2018

     We just returned from an eleven-day journey.  We drove to California (our home state) for Christmas.  After spending two winters in below-zero blizzards in South Dakota, and now being in chilly 20's and 30's December weather in New Mexico, I figured California would feel perfect.  After all, people in northern states used to laugh at me for saying that 30 degrees was cold.  I expected 60-70 degree weather.  Well, in that, I suppose you could say I was disappointed...or validated.  The temperatures ranged from upper 20's to the 50's, depending on the time of day.  Also, the wind had a bite in it that had always chilled me as a child (but which I had forgotten about until I was in it again!).  It certainly wasn't the tropical paradise I'd been imagining.  Although it was mostly sunny, it rained hard on Christmas Day (I've experienced many "wet" Christmases in my lifetime in CA).  For the most part, it felt like crisp fall weather (which makes sense, since Christmas falls just a few days into winter.

Beautiful California scenery, early winter 

     But I'm getting ahead of myself.  We set off on December 19...our anniversary.  We had made arrangements to stay in Lake Havasu City, Arizona.  We honeymooned there, and had made reservations for the same room we'd stayed in back then.  Instead of the two weeks our honeymoon had been, we were only in Lake Havasu two days, but it was a blast to go back.

Above left: crossing from New Mexico into Arizona.  Above Right: Walter and I enjoying our favorite ice cream shop in Lake Havasu, Scoops.  Below: The famed London Bridge (yes the one that fell down and has the preschool game in its honor) in Lake Havasu (FYI, it was moved from London to Arizona in 1964)

     After a few relaxing days at Lake Havasu, we crossed into our home state.  It had been almost three years since we left, and I hadn't been back once!  Walter briefly flew back for a funeral in 2017.  Re-entering my home state felt like coming home again.  

     One thing that was funny was that, while we were in CA, I kept seeing California license places on the freeway and thinking, "Wow, look!  A California license plate!" and then realizing, "Wait, I'm in California!  No wonder!"  I was pleasantly surprised that gasoline was only $3.09 at most places while we were there.  While this was about a dollar more than Albuquerque's gas, I had been told rumors that it was $6 or $7 a gallon in California.  That just goes to show that we shouldn't listen to rumors!  Especially negative ones.  So, again, an expectation wasn't met...but I wasn't disappointed!

     It was a wonderful time with family and friends.  I was able to see a lot of people, but I would have loved to see so many more.  I have a lifetime of friendships in California, and I only scratched the surface in visits.  It was Christmastime, and many people had plans that precluded us being able to visit.  That was completely understandable.  I enjoyed the visits I did have.  

Lolly Miller and her daughter Harlee in Riverside.  I taught Harlee in AWANA and Sunday school for years.  She is in tenth grade now!  She played Sally in our Charlie Brown play many years ago.

I was able to meet with my cousin Rachel.  She and I had been roomates before I got married.  She is living in Yucaipa, but we met up in Palm Springs, because she was flying out of the Palm Springs airport to visit her parents in Ohio for Christmas

I met up with my former YMCA coworker Amy in Redlands.  We enjoyed some girl time (while my husband enjoyed visiting his good friend for some guy time in Costa Mesa).  Amy and I had a blast working at the Redlands Y together for several years (such as the time I accidentally started a fire when we were baking cookies with the kids!).  Our girl time involved Little Women and When Calls the Heart.  

On our way back to New Mexico we visited another of my YMCA friends, Jan, at her new home in Arizona.  Jan is a delightful sister in the Lord, and a lot of fun to be around.

     I think the most eye-opening part of the trip was going to places of deep memories for me.  I drove by my childhood home in the city of Corona, as well as my two "single adult" homes (one in downtown Riverside, the other in Yucaipa).  All of these places had so many memories of things God was doing in my life at the time.  Ways He was at work in and through me.  Ways He was speaking to me.  I was at different places than I am today.  I had learned so much from my mistakes and failures, and gloried in the triumphs and spiritual victories God used me to accomplish.  Going back and remembering brought a lot of joy.  A deep sense of purpose.  My faith was deepened through looking back at these special times and places in life.  I was tempted to stay a long time, lingering in these memories.  But in my heart, the Spirit of God seemed to be saying to me, "Remember, but don't linger."

Above left: the house i grew up in, Corona, CA (It is painted differently than it was when my family lived there).  To the right is the view of my street.  I grew up in a very jolly, friendly neighborhood, with down-to-earth neighbors who helped each other out.  I really learned a sense of community from my upbringing there.  Our neighborhood was called Butterfield Estates.  The houses were all one-story, and ranged in size from 1300-2000 square feet.  They were all very open, with spacious rooms.  We had a community pool, and a scenic greenbelt where we kids used to roll down the hills together and have picnics.

Above: Fairmont Park in downtown Riverside, right next to the house I lived in until I lost everything in the Great Recession and moved to Yucaipa out of necessity.  God did so much in both places (Riverside and Yucaipa), but the seasons looked very different from each other.  That's why I need to remember without lingering.  God might be doing something totally differently than before.  To quote CS Lewis' book Prince Caspain, "Things never happen the same way twice."

     In the Bible, God had His people put up monuments or start new holidays as reminders of ways He had worked and delivered them.  They were never to forget those experiences.  I believe the same is true for us.  We are never to forget past battles and victories.  But we're not supposed to linger in the past.  We're to remember...but not linger.  God has plans for me today, and will in the future.  Each season is precious.  On a note about seasons:  I've been in seasons in life where I stayed behind and others moved on without me.  Then, in other instances, I've been the one God moved on.  In both cases, there is initially some grief, because there is change either way.  But God has a purpose and future joy in it, if we trust Him.

     I also drove by the church we began attending when I was fifteen years old.  I had been unable to attend there the Sunday before Christmas, but still drove by later on in the visit.  The things God did there, the way He met me and ministered to me, was paramount in my life.  When we started going there, I had been so beat up in life that I was borderline suicidal and struggled with deep depression and feelings of worthlessness.  God used the pastor and loving members to reach me, and turn me into a joyful Christmas once again.  The pastor would take us teenagers out to do evangelism around town.  When I went on mission trips, that church supported me.  In my late 20's, I became the church's children's ministry director, and that was a completely exciting time of seeing God work in kids' lives (including seeing six siblings with a dad in prison come to faith, and grow in Christ).  One Christmas, my cousin Rachel and I directed a Christmas play of A Charlie Brown Christmas.  We would go Christmas caroling in the surrounding neighborhood.  We had an amazing AWANA ministry.  The memories still hang in the air.  I could feel them, remember them as if they happened earlier the same day.  It would be tempting to linger there...but again, I'm called to remember, not linger.

Below: Glen Avon Community Church.  For me, a place of miracles, redemption, and seeing God work.  Many stories started there that will have their culmination in Heaven.

     The encouraging thing is that, while we're not called to linger, the things we remember are still having eternal effects.  The ripple effect of it all is unknown to us right now, but is still going on, and in Heaven, we'll get to see everything God was really doing.  At least, I believe we will.  

     Three things made me a little nonplussed toward my home state.  The biggest is the traffic! 

Traffic in the Cajon Pass, on the 15 freeway.

 It's much worse than I remember.  I'm not sure if it got worse while we were away, or if it just feels that way because we've been in much lighter traffic (Albuquerque is heavier than I'd like, but not as bad as CA.  South Dakota had very little traffic).  Another little irritation is the fact that you have to pay for bags at stores.  If you don't want to buy the bag, the cashier will just hand you your merchandise.  It's awkward.  The final thing was that, at restaurants in California, it is now illegal for a waiter or waitress to give a customer a straw with their drink unless it is specifically requested.  Like the bag law, this is new since we left, and at first I was confused by it.  The waitress who explained it to me said, "Don't even get me started about it!"  But these things notwithstanding, I still love my home state.  I'm called to remember all God did there, but not linger.  God has things to do right now....things that will have just as many "ripple effects" into eternity!  I don't want to miss it!

Any Moment

     "Watch this!"  our pastor exclaimed as he drew on the chalkboard.  It was the late 90's.  I was in high school.  Every week, the lesson had pretty much the same thrust.  Jesus was coming back, and it could happen at any moment!  Every week, the pastor wrote out a timeline of history on the chalkboard.  He would write creation at the beginning, then draw a cross right in the middle to represent Jesus' death and resurrection.  Then, at the end of the line, he would write 1996 or 1997, or whatever years it was at the time.  He would then draw an arrow going up, to represent the Rapture of the church, which he expected to happen at any moment.  "Watch this" was his catch phrase as he drew.

     As teenagers, we all wanted to get to graduate from high school and get married.  The idea of an imminent Rapture wasn't 100% appealing to our young minds.  When we voiced this to the pastor, he would laugh and tell us we were just like a bunch of monkeys who didn't know what was good for us.  And, you know, he was right. Titus 2:13 says, "Looking for the blessed hope and the appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ."  Philippians 3:20 says, "For our citizenship is in Heaven, from which also we eagerly await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ." 

     The pastor also preached about the imminent Rapture from the pulpit.  He always gave an old-fashioned altar call, with one big difference from other pastors.  Instead of asking the question, "If you were to die, do you know for sure you'd go to Heaven?" he would ask, "If the Rapture happened right now, would you be taken or left behind?"  He lived in full expectation of the Rapture, and didn't expect for any of us to physically die.  Jokingly, he would often say, "We're closer to the Rapture than we've ever been in the history of the world!"  A fact that is always true, and gets truer by the moment.

     At times, it may have seemed a little much, but the truth is, we are supposed to be watching for Christ's return.  Never in my life--neither before nor since--have I had anyone speaking this truth into my life to such a degree as my pastor in high school.  All of us began to live in expectation of the Rapture.  We were urgent in our witnessing.  In fact, when I was eighteen and attending community college, I was afraid to drive unsaved friends home from school.  I thought, "If the Rapture happens while I'm at the wheel, I'll disappear, the car will crash, and my friend will go to hell, and won't even have a chance to get saved in the tribulation!" So, if an unsaved friend needed a lift, I would silently pray, "Lord, please don't come back until I get her home.  It should only be five minutes." I laugh to think of it now, because, I mean, I have no power to change what God has determined to be his return.  God isn't going to wait five minutes!  It's not like I was the only person who was driving an unsaved person in a car.  But I kind of miss thinking that way--that urgency.  That knowing it could happen at any time.  That's how it's supposed to be, and I so seldom hear it spoken of anymore. 

     I'm thankful for my time of having this truth taught to me in such a concentrated way.  I don't want to lose sight of it.

From the Bottom of My Heart

     The word heart appears 830 times in the Bible (King James Version--give or take 100 depending on the version you use).  If it is mentioned that often, it must be important.  Some notable verse about the heart are:

Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked, who can know it?"

Psalm 37:4, "Delight thyself in the Lord and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart."

Romans 10:9 "If thou shalt confess with thy mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved."

  These are just three verses that refer to the heart.  There are hundreds of others.  Yet just from this basic view, we can ascertain that it is not referring to the organ in the chest that pumps blood.  It is referring to a person's innermost being.  The core of who he or she is.

     It isn't just the Bible that uses the term heart this way.  It is common in our own way of speaking.  Have you ever thanked someone "from the bottom of my heart,"?  How about telling someone you love them with "all my heart"?  If something has hurt you, have you said, "That just breaks my heart."?  Obviously, these phrases are not about your physical heart, but emotional and spiritual.  People understand this vernacular.

     Here is my point.  When I was five years old, I fell under conviction from the Holy Spirit that I was a sinner, incapable of saving myself or pleasing God on my own.  I needed to be "born again" (a term that is both biblical and used by my teacher at church at the time).  The Holy Spirit was at work in me, and after three days of struggling with conviction, I asked Jesus to come into my heart.  I had also been exposed to this terminology.  Oddly, I instinctively knew that asking Jesus into my heart was the same thing as being born again.  It was a real conversion experience.  The moment I surrendered, believing that Christ died for my sins and asking Him to live in my heart, I knew I was saved.  I had absolute assurance of my salvation.  I had true peace.  That restless conviction vanished instantly.

     For much of my growing up, I used the term "invite Jesus into my heart" when referring to salvation.  At the age of ten, I led a friend to the Lord using this terminology, as well as the verse John 3:16.  There was very strong evidence that this, too, was a genuine conversion.

     That sweet, simple term fell seriously out of favor in my teen and adult years.  People began taking exception to it, saying, "Jesus doesn't live in your heart!  Your heart is an organ in your chest that pumps blood!  Jesus doesn't live in that!"  Others said it confused children, who might get the wrong idea that Jesus would physically get inside their chest, hurting them in the process.  Still others claimed the phrase was unbiblical.  Two ministries I love and respect very much, Child Evangelism Fellowship and AWANA both stepped away from the phrase. siting similar reasons.

     On top of all this, I am from Southern California, the home of spiritual legalism (at least it seems that way at times!).  The Christian community in my home state is very well-versed in scripture, but can get very threatened by anything even slightly different than the way their home church does things.  Different denominations (or, as is common in Southern California, non-denominational denominations that think they are too spiritual to actually admit to being a denomination but operate as one anyway--and there are many of those!) have different terminology they deem the most spiritual.  Very prevalent in Los Angeles is the John MacArthur crowed, and most of them that I have met only allow for the phrase, "Put your faith in Christ alone for salvation".  Any other wording (whether it be "receive Christ" "become a Christian" "get saved" or the very infamous "invite Jesus into your heart") is viewed as heresy.  I have had many people from this mindset jump on me when I would teach evangelism workshops at conferences.  It grew very tiresome, constantly having to check myself, and sometimes feeling beat up by fellow believers because I didn't use their sacred words.  This was something I was very freed from when we lived in the Midwest.  The Christian community there has better things to do than suspect each other of heresy!  If anything, there might have been a slight tendency to go to the other extreme, which, of course, has its own set of troubles.

     I will never forget the man who told my husband and me that we weren't truly Christians, because, when we both got saved as children, we "invited Jesus into our hearts."  We found his assertion offensive and vulgar.  This was when I found that the phrase obsession had gone too far.

     It may be interesting to note that "Invite Jesus into your heart" is, in fact biblical.  For so many years, I kowtowed to the legalism, being very careful not to use this phrase, and also to use the preferred phrasing of those I was around at any given time.  It wasn't until I was thirty years old that I discovered Ephesians 3:17, which says: "That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith."  This verse actually refers to Christ being in our hearts.  Couple it with Revelations 3:20, which says, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock!  If any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in..."  I would say these verses validate the phrase "invite Jesus into your heart."  If, by faith, I am repenting of my sins and trusting Christ to save me, I am a Christian, whatever phraseology I choose to utilize.

     As to the other concerns raised about the phrase, I have never, ever had a child confused by the expression "invite Jesus into your heart."  I have never had a child think I was taking about Jesus physically opening their chest up and climbing in.  Children and adults alike know that we use the word heart to mean our inner person.  Like with any phrase, though, it needs to be explained.  If I was going to use the phrase, "Born again," I would, of course, explain the meaning (Nicodemus needed Jesus to explain that one in John chapter 3).  The same is true with any phraseology.  The thing is, there are so many verses in the New Testament that describe salvation.  Different phrases are used to mean the same thing, and I believe each one has its place in different witnessing situations.  Each one takes a slightly different approach, but means the same thing.  Think of the beauty!  Asking Jesus into your heart is a picture of having your sinful heart renewed as Christ indwells it.  Being born again is a new start--a new life in Christ.  Receiving Christ as Savior depicts that He is a gift!  Getting saved reveals being rescued.  The list could go on and on, but you get the idea.  All of these biblical phrases reveal something beautiful about our salvation.

     I just read an article that stated it was "legalistic" to be able to have a time and date of your salvation, and that it should be a gradual thing.  This same article also completely decried the phrase "invite Jesus into your heart" for the same reason many have given.  Finally, this article said that believers shouldn't be baptized until they are adults, living on their own.  I disagree with all of this.  Having a date of salvation to write in one's Bible is not legalistic.  It can give assurance of salvation when the doubts come.  I, for one, can point back and say, "On February 7, 1987, I asked Christ to save me."  On the other hand, some people didn't write it down, and don't recall the date.  That is okay.  God doesn't need it.  According to Ephesians 1:4, God chose us in Him before the foundation of the world.  He doesn't need our date of conversion.  That is for our benefit, if we are fortunate enough to have it.  And, while coming to understand who Jesus is can be gradual, salvation itself is not.  It has to be instantaneous.  That's why the thief on the cross could be saved.  There has to come a point of recognizing sin, repentance, and trusting Christ as the solution.  It doesn't have to be dramatic.  But you can't be partly saved.  You are or you aren't.  So that's point two I disagree with in the article.  As for baptism, I was baptized at age nine.  I had been saved four years, and I had a desire to be baptized.  When my parents, Sunday school teachers, and pastor all asked me why, I simply said, "Because Jesus told us to." Everybody thought this was a good enough answer, and I was allowed to do it.  Even though I know I was saved at age five, my faith became much more mature after I took this step of obedience at age nine.  It was also a very real time for me.  I believe anyone who is a born again Christian can and should be baptized.  I think criticizing phrases and setting age limits on believer's baptism is much more "legalistic" than having a time and place written down for when you were saved.

     I will close with this question:  Have you asked Jesus into your heart?