How to Win Souls and Influence People

     "You know you're a leader," my college professor told us years ago, "if you see people following you."  Sounds pretty simple.  I think everyone wants some level of influence.  To know their lives impact others.  That's a good feeling.  As Christians, we have a  special reason for wanting to have that influence.  We represent Christ, and want to bring people into His kingdom.  I know for myself, I used to constantly pressure myself to be the perfect witness all the time, and really beat myself up if I didn't have that right answer, or that perfect testimony all the time.  It can be a lot of pressure.  But it doesn't have to be.

     Speaking of influencing, I just got through watching a webinar presentation about a certain business venture someone wanted me to join.  The woman giving the presentation used a lot of phrases that were a turn-off to me.  Phrases like, "Unless you've been living under a rock, you know that...".  Some of the claims she made were things I actually hadn't heard about, and yet I certainly don't live under a rock.  Using that type of phrasing  conveys a sense of superiority.  As if to say, "I"m in the know and you're not."  It would be much more compelling to humbly relay the information, possibly prefacing them with, "You may have heard that..." That way, it gives people who have heard about it the sense that you recognize they might already knew it, and at the same time, informing those who didn't know.  That way, no one is invalidated or accused of living under a rock.  No one likes to feel out of the loop.

     I had another recent experience with someone trying to influence me.  This person is a dear friend.  We have a lot in common, and usually agree.  However, on the occasion when we don't agree on something, she has a tendency to lecture me.  I'm not talking about just sharing why she holds the view she does.  I think friends should be able to do that.  I'm talking about not accepting my difference of opinion, and insulting my intelligence in an attempt to get me to change my mind and agree with her.  Of course, that never happens.  In all our discussions of this nature, she has a 0% success rate of getting me over to her viewpoint.  Even if she was 100% right and I was completely wrong, I wouldn't be receptive to this method of persuasion.  It insults intelligence.  Again, it is invalidating.  Invalidating people doesn't tend to win them over.

     What does the Bible say about influencing others with the gospel (or other areas)?  First of all, John 6:44 holds a very important point to remember.  "No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent me draws them."  We are so depraved that we are incapable of receiving the truth of the gospel without God working in our hearts.  The Holy Spirit convicts us of our sin and need for Christ, guiding us to the truth (John 16:13).  This is a work of God, not something humans can bring about.  The Apostle Paul even says in First Corinthians 2:4, "My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power."  Even the Old Testament teaches us this concept.  Zechariah 4:6 says, "Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit, says the Lord Almighty."  That is step one, realizing we're not God.  Only the Holy Spirit can change people.  We cannot.

     Second, look at how Jesus influenced others.  He taught them in parables, everyday examples they could take in and relate to.  Mark 4:33 says, "With many similar parables Jesus spoke to them, as much as they could understand."  He related to where His audience was at.  He knew things far beyond them!  He could have blown them away with his knowledge.  He could have rightfully put them in their place for being out of the loop!  And yet He didn't do that.  He was humble and kind, and used things they would understand to teach them eternal truths.  Also, unlike the woman giving the webinar who wanted me to join her pyramid scheme, Jesus didn't have a self-seeking motive.  He didn't ask, "What's in it for me?"  He loved people enough to die for them!  If we are going to win people for Christ, we have to be selfless like that.  Like Jesus, we need to find our fulfillment in doing God's will (John 4:24).  That is step two, humbly relate to where people are at.

     Third, let's look at the Apostle Paul.  He was responsible for writing much of the New Testament (under the direction of the Holy Spirit), and for bringing the gospel to much of the known world.  Really, his approach was a combination of the first two steps here.  He depended on the Holy Spirit's guidance (Acts 16) and met people where they were at, using their knowledge to get them to the truth (Acts 17:22-23).  The point with Paul was, He preached the gospel.  He spoke the truth unashamedly (Romans 1:16).  He didn't berate or belittle others who didn't agree with him.  He simply kept sharing that truth.  In First Corinthians 9:16, he said, "Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel."  He kept the focus on Jesus, not peripheral things.  He said in First Corinthians 2:2, "For I resolved to know nothing when I was with you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified."  Likewise, Paul urged his protege Timothy, "Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season..." (Second Timothy 4:2).  That would be my third point here.  Focus on the truth (in the case of the gospel, it's Jesus!).  A teacher I had in missionary institute many years ago used to say, "Keep the main thing the main thing, and the main thing is Jesus!"

     There are times to debate.  Apologetic studies are vital if we are going to know how to teach and defend the gospel.  But a good argument alone will never win someone over, especially if it is done in arrogance.  A few extra little principles I'm going to add are the following.  People might be wrong, but we need to respect their right to be wrong.  We can't "make" them believe.  We need to respect their intelligence and independence as human beings to make choices.  By doing this, we're not saying they are correct.  I am a Christian.  This naturally means I believe Islam to be a false religion.  But do I think Muslims are stupid, or treat them like they are?  Of course not!  Most of the Muslims I have met don't treat me as stupid either.  A respectful relationship is important.  It is better to be able to kindly share with them, even if they are not persuaded.  They might really think about it later, in the quiet of their hearts.  The Holy Spirit can use your words long after you've said them.  All you're really doing is planting seeds.  Be kind and respectful.  Peter (Jesus' disciple and later apostle) said in First Peter 3:15, "...be ready always to give an answer to every man who asketh you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear."  Be ready with the truth, but present it humbly.  That's what he's saying.

     I'll close with one more point.  If you are trying to convince someone of something that isn't the gospel (admittedly, there are important things you might be dealing with), these same principles apply.  Recognize only God can change someone's view.  Meet people where they're at.  Humbly share the truth, and keep the main thing the main thing.  Respect them.  After you've done all you can do, pray for them.  I have seen God change people I prayed for.  Other times, God has changed me and shown me where I was wrong.  Be humble without compromising the truth.  See how that changes your life and makes you a powerful influence!

Vital Question

     A week ago today, a pastor friend of ours by the name of Steve Walters passed from this life into eternity.  He is in the Presence of Jesus, seeing and experiencing things we can't imagine!  While we grieve for ourselves, and his precious family, we don't feel sorry for him.  He would never want to come back.  Steve was our pastor during our years in South Dakota.  As we now live in Texas, we were not able to attend the funeral (which took place this morning).  I was so thankful to be able to watch it online.

Pastor Steve Walters and his wonderful wife Terry.  We were so blessed to be under their ministry.  Please pray for Terry in this time of adjustment after her husband's passing.  

     As I think back on my time under Pastor Steve's ministry (sometimes even privileged to do ministry with him), several things stand out.  He wanted to see people reached with the gospel.  That was vital to him.  Every time someone came to Christ in the church, or as a result of someone in the church, he would light a candle at the front of the sanctuary and keep it burning throughout the service that day, just so people would see that lives were being changed.  I loved that he did that.

     One of the questions he always asked, and encouraged us to ask others, was, "To you, who is Jesus?"  Some didn't care for that.  They felt that wording it that way was encouraging people to define Jesus on their terms.  I would agree, if you just ended the discussion after that. However, that was just a starting point for a conversation about Christ.  Besides, that question was pretty much what Jesus Himself asked in Matthew 16.15, "Who do you say I am?"

     The answer to this is so important, because it determines our eternal destiny.  If the question were just "Who is Jesus?" it would be a point of fact.  But making it personal, "To you, who is Jesus?" puts some responsibility onto the person being asked.  We have to make a decision, and we only have this one life one earth to make it.

     Many people say that Jesus was just a good teacher.  But that really doesn't make sense.  Jesus claimed things a good teacher would never claim.  He claimed to be one with God (John 10:30).  He claimed to have been alive before Abraham of the Old Testament (John 8:58).  He claimed to have shared glory with the Father before the world began (John 17:5).  He claimed to forgive sins (Matthew 9:5).  He claimed to be the only way to Heaven (John 14:6).  He predicted his death and resurrection multiple times (Matthew 16:21, Mark 8:31, Luke 12:22...to name a few).  If someone were a good teacher, but not the Savior, it would be evil to claim such things, and that would make the person a very bad teacher.  Either Jesus is who He claimed to be, or He isn't, but he can't be just some nice teacher.  I think I'm a pretty nice teacher, and I certainly don't claim anything like this.  We are required to make a decision for ourselves about it.  Something that might make it a little easier is that Jesus fulfilled His prediction about rising from the dead (Matthew 28, Mark 16, Luke 24, John 20).

     We live in a world that doesn't want to make a decision about who Jesus is.  They like the idea of a nice teacher encouraging people not to judge (or whatever else they like to interpret from His actual teachings).  But if you look at everything Jesus said and did, you have to conclude much more than that.  Jesus Himself doesn't give us any other option.  You must either conclude He is the Son of God, crucified for our sins, risen the third day, or you must conclude He was a fake.  Pretty hard to fake the miracles He performed.  If he was fake, people around would have caught onto it.  The Pharisees were constantly trying to trip Him up.  It would be very hard to fake the transformation in the lives of His disciples early in the book of Acts.  His disciples eventually were willing to endure torture and death for Jesus.  Most people don't do that for something they know to be fake.

     A book I found fascinating on this subject was Cursed with Common Sense, by Nicole Nelson.  The author shares her journey to understanding who Jesus is.  She was as skeptic, and is now a Christian.  You can check it out here.

     As we mourn the loss of a wonderful servant of God from this earth, we know where he is, because he was able to answer that question about who Jesus really is.  Can you?

Infactuated

     Have you ever gotten infatuated with a fictional character?  Maybe it was an actor/actress you found physically attractive, or maybe it was a character they portrayed.  As a teenager, I often got crushes on men in books, and occasionally in other media.  Sweet and intellectual types touched my heart.  Likewise, a good friend of mine always fell for the "bad boy" in any story.  My first fictional crush that I can recall was on Linus, from the Peanuts comics (I was in kindergarten).  Linus is still my favorite Peanut, but the feelings aren't quite the same as they were when I was five!

     In a sense, connecting with fictional characters can be helpful.  They can help a person understand themselves, and what type of personalities they relate to.  If the fictional object of the crush is godly and admirable, they can serve as roll models for what an unmarried person wants to find in their future spouse.    That's what fictional characters are supposed to do for us in any event.  Give us something higher to aim for.  We interact with them.  We learn and grow with them.  We see ourselves in them.  They can validate us.  This is all a good thing.  But actual infatuation must have its limits.

     For one thing, fiction is fiction.  It isn't real.  It is easy for writers to develop characters who seem perfect to us.  This can create unrealistic expectations.  In real life, people aren't as romantic as they are in movies or books.  Real life is actually better and more wonderful, but it doesn't mirror fiction.  In hoping and praying for a future spouse, find things you like in fictional characters, but don't put expectations on a real spouse to live up to everything the fictional character does. This is true not only in romance, but in other relationships as well.  Some novels I've read about friendship, or family love between parents and adult children are a lot more intense than my own relationships in these areas.  This doesn't mean my friendships or relationships with my parents aren't beautiful and real.  It means that the authors were able to put a lot of intensity into their work (Karen Kingsbury, anyone?).  It reflects more on their ability to create a scene than on my ability to love others.  Let those in your life be human, not dictated by what fictitious characters do.  Having said that...

   Here is where I am going to step on a few toes.  If you are married, there is NO REASON to indulge a crush on anyone besides your spouse...real or fictional.  It might seem harmless, especially if they aren't even real or attainable.  Scripture indicates otherwise, though.  Genesis 2:24 clearly tells us the purpose for creating us male and female and giving us those attractions. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.  Nothing in there about pining away after someone...which is what infatuation is.  The ultimate plan is marriage.  This is why I refused to go out with guys in high school or college who didn't have real intentions.  Crushes are part of growing up, finding your spouse, falling in love, and getting married--part, but not the summation.  Even those who never marry get crushes.  It's part of being human.  But indulging a crush with no future is harmful.  It harms your heart.  It can harm other relationships.  I have been the object of some crushes, and they ended in hurt for me, because those who had the crushes on me didn't have any real commitment to me, just their own self-centered emotions.  They weren't able to keep their infatuation with me to themselves, so it gave me hope that maybe this was the one...only to discover that they didn't care about my heart, just their own.  Only my husband Walter went beyond a crush to real love.    A crush isn't the end result.  Please note I am not condemning crushes, just the indulging of them in a sinful way.  Single people are in a unique type of battle to guard their hearts.  But married people are in the same battle, from another angle.

     Love is a lifelong commitment.  It's a choice we make, whether we feel warm fuzzies or not.  Love is about the other person's needs.  Being committed to them.  Feelings definitely come with the territory, but they aren't the biggest part.  Choosing love no matter what is a real commitment.  That's the kind of love Jesus has for us.  This is a far cry from infatuation.  Infatuation is all about ourselves.  How we feel.  How we see ourselves.  How this person (or fictional character) validates us.  Love and infatuation are very different.  You can feel infatuated with a movie star, but unless you know them personally, you can't have that kind of love for them.  And fictional characters are absolutely out of the question.  On the other hand, infatuation can turn into love.  That is why, if you are married, your infatuation needs to be kept for your spouse.

     In Exodus 20:14, we read God's seventh commandment,  Thou shalt not commit adultery.  God wants us to be faithful to our spouses.  How far does this go?  Jesus told us that in the New Testament.  Matthew 5:28 says, But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.  Jesus was talking to a male audience here, so he talked about a man looking at a woman in lust.  But the same would be true for a woman fantasizing about a man.  Jesus said this was adultery.  No actual affair has happened, but in the heart, it may as well have.  God views lust as unfaithfulness to one's spouse.  Pretty serious stuff.

     What are we supposed to do with this?  Is it wrong to think someone is attractive?  No.  But God gives us some directions.  Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.  (Proverbs 4 23).  We need to be on our guard.  Temptations are always available.  First Peter 5:8 warns, Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.  Satan is trying to destroy us...our lives, our walk, our faith, our testimony.  Flirting with sin (and those besides your spouse) gives Satan ground.  Seeing someone in real life or in a fictional media who seems attractive to us isn't wrong at all.  There are some likable, attractive people out there.  But letting those benign feelings of thinking they're attractive become an infatuation is surrendering to the beginning of an affair...even if it never becomes a physical affair.  A pastor I knew often said, "If I'm driving down the street and I notice a scantily-clad woman and even think she's attractive, that isn't a sin.  But if I circle the block to get another look, that's the sin." 

     Okay, so we're supposed to be on guard..  How do we do that?  The Bible answers that too.  And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell. (Matthew 5 30).  God doesn't mince words here.  If something is a stumbling block, get it out of your life at all costs.  Stop watching that show, reading that book, etc.  I have stopped watching certain programs because they were stumbling blocks to me in specific seasons of my life.  At another time later on, sometimes these shows weren't stumbling blocks anymore, and I could watch them again.  But when something is causing a stumbling block, remove it.  These are drastic measures, but they're God's will for us. 

     I have been surprised and disappointed lately by a multitude of mature Christian women (who are married) talking about their celebrity crushes on Facebook.  One such woman told me that if Tom Selleck walked through the door, she'd leave her husband for him.  This is very saddening (not to mention ridiculous, considering the odds of Tom Selleck walking through the door, actually noticing her, liking her, and wanting to leave his own wife for her are astronomical).  Marriage is meant to be forever.  It isn't sometimes, but that is God's ideal. God would have us guard our hearts.  A different woman, someone in ministry, whom I have admired for a long time, posted on Facebook the name of her celebrity crush, and asked all her friends to share theirs in the comments.  It broke my heart to see these married Christian women naming celebrities they have a crush on.  That was not an edifying exercise at all.  Philippians 4:8 says we should be thinking about what is true, honorable, righteous, pure and lovely.  I have found that the more I choose to love my husband, the more I enjoy him.  It then follows that the more I enjoy him, the more I find myself admiring fictional characters who remind me of him.  I don't get infatuated by these characters.  I don't dwell on them beyond the viewing/reading time.  I just admire the traits that remind me of my wonderful husband.  My favorite fictional couple right now actually reminds me of us, so it's fun, not an infatuation.  As I said, fictional characters can help us see ourselves, and become our "friends" in a sense. 

     In preparing to write this blog post, I talked with my husband about this, and he said that the last celebrity crush he had was as a single young man.  It was on a model who was in her thirties then, but is clearly quite a bit older now.  He said that he might think a particular actress is attractive for what she brings to a part, but it isn't a crush or any emotional tie.  That's the difference between simply seeing an attractive person and giving ground to the enemy.

I am pictured with my husband, Walter.  I am so thankful for him.

     Ultimately, only God can fulfill our heart's deepest longings.  I'm thankful to have learned that lesson long before marriage.  A spouse is the most important person in one's life, but expecting them to perfectly fulfill us in every way is impossible.  It's unfair to them and setting ourselves up for disappointment.  Sometimes, unmet expectations are the grounds for these affairs of the heart.  When we are letting God be our Joy-Giver, we are free to love our spouses (and others) without expecting anything in return.  This way, whether married or single, it is possible to be completely satisfied.  Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore. (Proverbs 16:11)

Untold Stories

   One thing I love about this day and age is that Christian culture has so much more of a voice.  A lot of this is due to social media, and regular people sharing and "going viral".  Growing up in the 80s and 90s, I would never have guessed that I'd one day live in a world where Christian movies (quality ones at that!) would be released in regular theaters.  There have been some great Christian movies released in the last 15 or so years, getting higher and higher quality.  My very favorite is an early one, 2006's Facing the Giants.  

Facing the Giants was one of the early Christian movies to reach a level of success in this modern era of quality films.  This one is probably a little lower quality than some that have come out in the years since, and it has some corny aspects to it, but it is deeply encouraging to me...and I'm not even much of a football fan.  

     On March 13 (ten days from this writing), another quality Christian film will be released.  This film is entitled I Still Believe, and is based on the true story of Christian musician Jeremy Camp.  You can watch the theatrical trailer here.  Jeremy Camp had quite a journey with the love of his life, Melissa.  This journey was filled with heartache, hope, healing, bewilderment...and God's glory.  I understand the movie portrays this journey as such.

     While I am inspired by testimonies like this, this movie is personal for some other reasons, not all of them good.  You see, my husband Walter attended Bible College with Jeremy Camp during the events in the movie.  Jeremy was an acquaintance of his.  A pretty nice guy.  Everyone at the college rallied around Jeremy.  There were daily updates on the situation.  If anyone felt the support of the Body of Christ, it was Jeremy Camp.  Later on, when Jeremy became famous for his music, he continued to receive support from this group of believers.  It hasn't been an easy road, but Jeremy has been blessed.  True redemption has occurred for all he experienced.

     This is all well and good.  Romans 12:15 says that Christians are to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.  Galatians 6:2 says we are to bear one another's burdens.  From Jeremy's perspective, the Bible College was doing that.   But were they really?

     Jeremy Camp was not the only struggling, hurting person on that campus.  He was very popular, as a musician on the worship team who was obviously going places.  As such, it was easy for others to support him.  This isn't his fault.  He did need that support, and it was good he received it.  But so many others were neglected.  At least one I know quite well.

     My husband Walter wasn't even supposed to be at that college.  He was set to go to the Air Force Academy after high school graduation.  He had a lot of hopes and dreams, and believed this was the direction God had for him.  On the side, he really enjoyed using his guitar playing for God's glory.  He was getting quite good, and had even started a band with some friends.  By all appearances, he was going places too.

     Two weeks before his high school graduation, Walter was involved in an auto accident.  He should have died.  He was hit by a double semi going 80 miles per hour.  His little 1988 Toyota (which was 11 years old then) didn't stand a chance.  It stalled as he was making a turn, putting him in the path of the double semi.  In the split-second before he was hit, he saw what was about to happen and knew he was going to die...and yet he didn't.

Walter's car after the accident

     God miraculously preserved his life (and I am incredibly grateful!).  Healing has been ongoing, even today (21 years later).  He had been left-handed before, but lost most use of his left arm.  He suffered a concussion.  He has extensive nerve damage.  But he is alive and well, and is a wonderful husband...and person. Ephesians 2:10 says that we were created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which He prepared in advance for us to do.  God still had (and has) plans for Walter on this earth.

Our wedding picture

     Three months after his accident, he walked (another miracle!) onto the Bible College campus.  In that time, he had learned to play the guitar again (only He now played a left-handed, or "backwards" guitar).  He plays this way for our church now.

You will notice that he is holding the guitar the opposite way that most guitarists do.  The guitar is a specially-made left-handed guitar.  He does the chords with this right hand, and strums with a special pick strapped to his left hand.

     He was in the early stages of his recovery back at Bible college, some days just barely hanging on.  He had lost his dreams and hope for his future.  He had lost his dominant hand.  He was in physical pain.  He was trying to trust and obey God in the midst of this.  He believed in the Lord, but wrestled with the "why". He still does at times, as we all do when things have happened that we don't understand.  He was following the Lord in spite of the unanswered questions.  He was trying to run the race marked out for him (Hebrews 12:1), but he struggled with this "thorn in the flesh" in his life.  If anyone needed compassion and love from other believers, it was him.

     Unfortunately, since he wasn't a popular guitarist on the worship team like Jeremy Camp, he wasn't offered compassion.  In fact, his pain was minimized and compared to Jeremy's.  A side note on that was that when he did try out for the worship team, the leader told him his playing was s***, and his guitar equipment was referred to as another expletive.  This is certainly not the love believers are supposed to be demonstrating.  First Thessalonians 5:11 tells us we are to encourage one another and build each other up.  That certainly wasn't happening.  Walter has shared with me that others on campus had similar experiences of their pain being ignored and minimized in light of Jeremy Camp.

     Pain comes in many forms, and all have experienced it.  It doesn't need to be justified or explained away by comparing it to someone else' pain.  There is really no way to compare people's pain.  What Walter went through was very different from Jeremy's journey.  But that doesn't make it less.  It was devastating for him.  The same is true for anyone's pain.  God cares deeply. Psalm 56:8 says, You have taken account of my wanderings;
Put my tears in Your bottle.
Are they not in Your book?  God clearly cares about what each of us goes through.  We all have a story, and as Christians, these stories are part of our testimonies.  God will use it, if we let Him.  A promise I love is from Romans 8:28.  All things work together for good to them that love God, who are the called according to His purpose.  This verse has given me so much comfort amidst rejections and disappointments I have faced.  In fact, all of Romans 8 is a comfort.  God is working on our behalf all the time.  I can't answer the why, but I'm eager for the redemption.

     While I strongly suggest studying the Bible out of a word for word translation (as opposed to a paraphrase or looser translation), I have been deeply ministered to at my lowest moments by Second Corinthians 4:8-9 out of the Living Bible.  We are pressed on every side by troubles, but not crushed and broken. We are perplexed because we don’t know why things happen as they do, but we don’t give up and quit. We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going.

     Jeremy Camp is a faithful believer who has been on quite a journey.  Not in any way am I suggesting he didn't deserve the support he received, nor do I blame him for the lack of compassion others received.  From all accounts, he was a nice guy who had no part in mistreating anyone.  He wasn't aware people used his pain as an excuse not to care about other people's hurts.  What I am suggesting is that the hurting are all around us, and they all need the Body of Christ to rally around them.  Most of them are not popular or famous.  Most of their journeys won't be made into a motion picture.  Very few experience the success Jeremy Camp has.  While you're watching this new movie, think about the people whose stories aren't being told, but who are suffering just as deeply as Jeremy Camp did.  Ask God to use you in their lives.  That counts for eternity!

Victory for Insecurity

     Yesterday, I had a victory in my life.  At first, it didn't look as though that would happen.  In fact, it looked like it was going to be a really annoying day with no redeemable quality at all!  And in a sense, it still kind of was a bit annoying.  But now, the victory overshadows all that.

    I was required by my job (a Christian preschool) to attend a training.  The state requires so many hours of training per year.  Understandable.  I wasn't thrilled to spend a Saturday at work, although I have some good friends among my coworkers, so I thought it might be nice to spend a little time with them.  I tried to put my best foot forward as I got up and got ready, letting my husband continue to sleep on his side of the bed.

     This training was held at our school (which is at a church), but wasn't exclusively for us.  Several schools from around the area sent their employees to receive this training.

     The speaker was from a few hours away as well.  I knew her right away, as soon as she entered.  She walked with an air of someone who wanted to be noticed, to be seen as in charge.  In fact, I gathered from watching her strut in that she cared more about the image of people thinking she was in charge than whether or not she actually was.  It was almost funny.  She looked like she had something to prove, with her chest puffed out, her nose in the air, her back arched.  And it awakened something inside of me.  A warrior I had thought long dead.

     The training started.  This woman began speaking (sounding suspiciously like a Valley Girl).  From looking at her, as well as from things she had said, I determined she was about my age (which means she was a teenager in the 90's).  I felt my defenses rising.  Can someone talk like this and still be a wonderful person?  Of course.  But the way she spoke wasn't just her speech pattern.  It was what she said.  She let us know (within the first few sentences) that she had been a cheerleader in high school--and had been very good at it.  Is there anything wrong with being a cheerleader?  Not at all.  Is there anything wrong with a speaker sharing these types of details with an audience?  Certainly not.  But there is something disconcerting about someone who has to tell you they're good at this or that.  Humility is a lot more engaging than pride, and even if someone wishes to make that impression, he or she should do it by demonstrating their ability, not brag about it.  In the next few sentences, she proceeded to tell us she was skinny (as if we were unable to see that for ourselves, and were supposed to be impressed by this.).  She told us her beautiful daughter is also skinny like her, but her son is "husky".  She hastened to add that this is because of her husband, not her.  As if we care, really!  She talked on and on in her screechy Valley Girl voice, and so much of what she said demonstrated a sense of trying to impress us with superficial things.  Maybe establish herself.  Living on her popularity status from twenty-five years ago.  Deep inside me, that warrior--that nineties teenage warrior--wanted to bring her down a notch.  I began to feel angry the more I heard.  She actually said the sentence, "I'm very successful," and bragged about her accomplishments.  Her voice, mannerisms, and gestures came across as very condescending.  She talked like we were all three-year-olds.  I thought, So this is what happens to mean girls who never grow up. I wanted to tell her, "Hey, 1995 called.  They want their shallow, conceited attitude problem back." 

     During a break, I was sitting with some of my Christian sisters from work, and we were all kind of feeling the same thing.  None of us wanted to spend several hours of a Saturday here anyway, and we were all kind of annoyed with what we were hearing.  I made a few joking comments about the speaker that made my friends laugh.  It was all in good fun, and no one outside our little group overheard us, but immediately, the Holy Spirit convicted me.  Suddenly, it wasn't fun anymore, even though I wanted it to be.

     We returned to the session, for more of the same.  I tried to endure.  But as I felt so riled, I had to face myself.  Why did she get to me so badly?

     The first thing I needed to face was something my mom always said.  "People don't build a fortress around their strengths.  They build it around their weaknesses."  This speaker might have been popular as a high schooler in the nineties.  She might not struggle with her weight.  She might have achieved a level of success.  But she wasn't genuinely happy.  She was using these things to build a fortress around her weaknesses and insecurities.  This alone gave me more compassion.  I mean, if you have to go back so many years for your sense of worth, how sad is that?  The same goes for having her worth come from being "skinny" (which isn't a good thing in and of itself anyway.  Being healthy is a good thing.  Skinny can mean malnourished).  But that brought me to the second thing I needed to face.

     I'm not so different from this insecure woman.  I had a false sense of worth too, as a teenager from the same era.  It occasionally flares up now.  I wasn't a popular cheerleader.  I was seen as smart.  I knew how to outsmart everyone, including teachers.  Everyone wanted me to help them with their homework.  I did, too, out of pride more than a desire to help.  I enjoyed having the reputation as the smart one, and I felt good because I could outsmart my peers.  Just like this speaker felt good about being skinnier than her peers.  Maybe the reason she had grated on me so badly was because I heard in her comments the same attitudes of my own heart, even if I haven't said it aloud.  Both of us were getting out self-worth from comparing ourselves to others  (for her, it was her body, for me it was my brain).  That isn't how we should measure ourselves.

     Another thing I had to face was also difficult.  In my "smart" teen days, I had my run-ins with popular snobby types.  Although most people considered me a very nice person (and I usually was), I was never kind to these types.  I rolled my eyes and did everything to show them I thought they were stupid and mean.  It hurt me that they treated people (not just me, but anyone not in their clique) so badly.  In my hurt, I used the only weapon I felt I had, my brain.  I didn't use my brain to make things right.  I used it to put them down.  That was wrong.  Not only did hearing this speaker make me face my own false sense of security in my own life, but also made me face some sins in my past that I needed to confess to the Lord.  It also made me face how hurtful popular snobs were toward me.  Dealing with old hurts isn't fun.  All those feelings of being left out.  Not being as confident as I acted.  I didn't want to deal with it.

     So what is the moral?  First of all, our self-worth should come from God, not comparing ourselves to others.  Psalm 139:14 says, I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.  First Samuel 16:7 tells us that man looks on the outward, but God sees (and values) the heart.  Outward doesn't just mean physical appearance (although it can).  It can mean any disguise we wear to mask our insecurities, such as wealth, intelligence, abilities, etc.  God has good plans for each of His people (Jeremiah 29:11), work for His kingdom for each of us to carry out (Ephesians 2:10), and is on our side (Romans 8:31).  He put so much more in this speaker than skinniness and earthly success.  He put so much more into me than being seen as smart.  These things are just scratching the very surface of the depth of who God made us to be.  Ephesians 3:18 tells us we should grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.  God loves us so deeply, and we sell ourselves short when we seek our value from superficial things.