The truth of God's word is always true and will always be true. First Peter 1:25 states, But the word of the Lord entureth forever...For that reason, the truth of the Bible will never be diminished.
On the flip side, there are times when commonly-used phrases are misconstrued. Also, some phrases are unbiblical to begin with, but have made their way into Christian vocabulary. We need to be intentional in what we say, especially when we are handling God's truth (Rightly dividing the word of truth. Second Timothy 2:15). I am going to share some commonly-used phrases that Christians tend to say a lot, and then give the right and wrong contexts in which to use them. I'll also be giving some alternative phrases that better express the spirit of what these original quotes are trying to say.
It's not a religion, it's a relationship. The idea behind this phrase is that our faith as Christians isn't just some world religion that emphasizes doing good deeds to please some unknowable deity. Our faith is made possible by God's grace when we place our eternal hope in the finished work of Christ, giving us direct access to God! In that sense, the phrase, "It's not a religion, it's a relationship," is true. On the other hand, a religion is a belief system, and Christianity does fit that description. To say it isn't a religion isn't quite right. Even the Bible itself calls our beliefs a religion (James 1:27). I can understand wanting to emphasize the relationship with the Lord. But insisting it isn't a religion at all is to remove the truth of our theology. We can't have that relationship with God if we don't adhere to the claims of Christianity, as found in the Bible. It would be better to say that Christianity isn't a works-based religion. It is a set of theological beliefs, which, embraced by faith, lead us into a right relationship with God. I have been aware of situations where unbelievers ask Christians about their faith, and, because they don't speak "Christianese" yet, they ask, "Tell me about your religion," and the Christian will proudly say, "It isn't a religion, it's a relationship," and the non-Christian looks very blank and confused. That isn't right. When to use this phrase: when you are helping someone understand that it isn't a works-based religion, but is about knowing Jesus. Even in this case, though, I wouldn't use it without clarifying the difference between our religion (set of beliefs) and a works-based set of beliefs. When not to use it: when answering a non-Christian's questions about our faith, or talking with anyone (Christian or non-Christian) who slips and uses the word "religion" and you know what they mean, but you just don't like their use of the word "religion." Basically, don't use it to correct people. Maybe say this instead: "Christianity is different from all other religions, in that, in most religions, it is man trying to be good enough to appease God. In Christianity, it is God reaching down to us, sending His Son, so we could know Him." From there, elaborate further on the gospel message.
It's God's will. As Christians, should we care about God's will? Yes! Ephesians 5:17 says, Be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is. There is much we don't understand about the mystery of God's sovereignty, but we can rest in His will for our lives. However, this can be used in a trite way. When my husband attended Bible college, the students were promised that all alumni could have their weddings in the chapel on campus, free of charge. Some time later, when he and I were engaged and planning our wedding, we went down there to collect on that promise. The man at the front desk was some old classmate of Walter's, and he clearly felt some animosity (Walter barely remembered him). He was very rude to us both, and told us in a very condescending tone, "Yeah...we don't do weddings anymore." He was downright rude, and when we asked if he was sure, he yelled at us. Dejected, we left. We ended up having our wedding at my in-laws church (which was a better location for our guests than our own church, but we had our pastor officiate). When we confided in someone about how rudely that guy at the Bible college had treated us, this person said very tritely, "It's God's will." Maybe it was God's will we had the wedding at my in-law's church. I liked having it there. However, was it God's will that the Bible college reneged on their promise? Was it God's will for that man to be mean to us? No. Those things clearly are not God's will. Throwing around a phrase like that can be very insensitive. When to use it: When you are confident God is leading in a certain way, or surrendering to His sovereignty. When not to use it: to minimize something someone has gone through (a death in the family, a serious diagnosis, or even smaller things like inconvenience or hurt feelings). Also, don't use it when you don't really know the Lord's will in a given matter. Maybe say this instead: Honestly, silence might be the best answer, but, depending on the situation, here are a few things that might be appropriate: "I wonder what God's doing in this." "I'm going to be praying for this situation and watching to see what God does in the days ahead." "It looks like God might be leading this way." "I'm sorry this happened to you. I've experienced similar things myself. I know God has good in store for you, and I'm going to be praying."
It's not me, it's the Lord. I remember once giving a woman in a Bible study a compliment on her hair. It really was gorgeous. Her response: "Oh, that's the Lord." To be honest, it seemed very off-putting at the time. A simple "Thank you," would have sufficed. Is everything good in us from God? Yes. James 1:17 says, Every good and perfect gift is from above... In a sense, then, it is true that this woman's beautiful hair was "of the Lord." In another sense, though, I felt put in my place for just offering a sincere compliment. Also, when someone says, "It's not me, it's the Lord," it is denying any personal involvement, and that isn't accurate. When you or I do something, God might be empowering us and using what we do, but He is still using us. He chose to use you, with the gifting, personality, and everything else He put into you. Of course God should get the glory. But that doesn't mean we have no part in things He uses us to do. God doesn't just take over our bodies beyond our control and do these great things. We participate with Him. When to use this phrase: when someone's compliment borders on worshipful, and you sense the person admires you beyond what would be healthy, or if a compliment tempts you to get conceited and you need to remind yourself as well as the other person that God is really behind it, or the thing you are being complimented on is of a very spiritual nature and it was very obviously a work of God, such as the Peter and John healing the lame man in Acts 3 (even if it is less dramatic than that!). Even in these cases, when you use this phrase, don't be dismissive of the person. Still thank them. When not to use it: Mainly, don't use it at all except for the situations I mentioned. Accept sincere compliments from people by saying "Thank you." Telling someone, "It's not me, it's all God," can sound like you're sermonizing at them, and even rejecting the kind intentions behind their compliment. That can actually hinder your witness. Especially, don't use that phrase when a fellow Christian offers you a simple compliment. They are already aware that God is behind it, and don't need the reminder. They are just telling you they appreciate something about you. Maybe say this instead: If it is a basic compliment, such as I gave the woman at Bible study on her hair, just say thank you. Smile, and look the person in the eye as you say it. That is gracious enough. I find when I compliment someone on their outfit (which is in the same superficial league as complimenting their hair) the person will often tell me where they got it, and even have a brief conversation about that, which is gracious and fun. But if nothing else, just thank the person. That kind of compliment doesn't need spiritualization. If it is a more in-depth compliment about something you've done, you could say: "Thanks so much. It means a lot to me that you'd say that. I'm grateful God worked in it." Or "Thank you. I really appreciate that. I'm so glad God used it to encourage you. Tell me about what God's been doing in your life?" I can't emphasize enough, DON'T BE DISMISSIVE!
Don't judge I have tackled this one a lot in other blog posts. This phrase is often used as a smokescreen to keep people from finding fault with something that really is wrong and should be criticized. It is taken out of context . Jesus did say in Matthew 7:1, judge not, that ye be not judged... Unfortunately, people isolate this verse to mean that we can't use our brains to draw any sort of conclusion about things we see and hear. They even use this as a caveat to excuse certain sins, sort of a "get out of jail free card" for their favorite sins that they don't feel comfortable addressing. That isn't true at all. If it was, Jesus wouldn't have said in John 7:24 Do not judge according to appearance, rather judge according to righteous judgment (underlined emphasis mine). That sheds light onto Matthew 7:1 We should know all the facts before we draw conclusions. But we are to draw those conclusions, and we are to draw them with God's word as our standard. If something is against what God has said in the Bible, we call it wrong. Period. In fact, the verses following Matthew 7:1 even clarify this, explaining that you should make sure your own life is right before you help someone straighten out theirs. It isn't saying you don't call out wrong, it just urges you to make sure that doing so isn't hypocritical for you, because you've dealt with the sin in your own life first. If God was against any sort of judging, He wouldn't have given us brains. He would never have sent the flood, the Babylonian captivity, or the prophets. In fact, Jesus wouldn't have had to die. When to use this phrase: I would say don't use this one as it is. It is so overused that those who spout it sound like unthinking imbeciles, who are being used as puppets of a certain agenda. Use one of the alternatives I'll give in situations where someone is really showing a critical spirit against someone when they don't have all the facts, or their own life has the same struggle they are criticizing in someone else. When not to use it: When someone says something you dislike or makes you uncomfortable. When someone is speaking out against something that is legitimately wrong, at least legitimately against their conscience. When someone is expressing political views you don't agree with. "Don't judge" is such a go-to phrase for those situations, but it isn't right. Maybe say this instead: If a person is saying things you're uncomfortable with or disagree with, you could say, "I don't feel comfortable with this discussion. I'm going to have to think about it more." Then excuse yourself. Or, if you have your thoughts and opinions gathered already, you could simply tell the person, "You know, this is my take on it..." and share your own view politely and confidently. If someone is saying critical things about others (true "judgment"), here are a few ideas, depending on the situation "Are you sure about that?" "Why are you telling me this?" "Have you told them?" "Can I quote you on that?" "I'm reserving judgment until I know the whole story."
God won't give you more than you can handle. People tell each other this one as an encouragement in hard times. A teenage boy once told me, "My favorite verse is the one that says, 'God won't give you more than you can handle,' but I forget where it's found." The reason he couldn't remember was because it isn't in the Bible! The principle behind this saying is based on a few verses. First Corinthians 10:13 talks about God not allowing us to be tempted above our ability to bear it. He always has a way of escape so that we never have to sin. In that sense, the temptations will never be more than you can handle, but that isn't the same is saying everything that comes your way in life will be within your ability to handle. Another verse that gives the principle is Second Corinthians 12:9, My grace is sufficient for you... But saying, "God won't give you more than you can handle," is not the same as God's grace being sufficient in a situation. God does allow things that are beyond us, but His grace gives us the strength to bear it. He does stretch us. Second Corinthians 1:8 says, For we would not have you ignorant, brethren, of our trouble which came to us in Asia: that we were pressed beyond measure, beyond strength, insomuch that we despaired even of life. The Apostle Paul and his companions were pressed beyond anything they had gone through, anything they had handled, and they were to the point that they wanted God to just take them home. Have you ever felt that way? I have. God will allow more than we can handle, so that we'll let Him handle it. Once we make that choice, His grace is sufficient. When to use this phrase: I would recommend not using it as stated, because it is worded in a self-focused, humanistic way, with the emphasis being on us in our own strength. I encourage using some of the alternative phrases below in situations where a person is overwhelmed.
When not to use it: As I said, I don't encourage using this phrase as it is. I definitely wouldn't say it in a situation when someone is deeply struggling and at the point of despair. Maybe say this instead: "God never allows anything into your life that He won't empower you to manage." "God knows what He has prepared you for in your Christian walk. He is with you in this." "It sounds like you're being stretched. Can I pray with you?" "God's grace is sufficient." Be careful not to sound trite in saying these more biblical phrases. You can also remind them of biblical promises of God's strength and victory in the believer's life. There are many, and what you use will depend on the situation the person is dealing with. There are also very practical ways you can help a friend in a desperate situation, such as invite them to join you for a Bible study, or some other uplifting activity that will get them into fellowship and encouragement. Maybe God has even given you the resources to help in their exact problem situation. As I said, that all depends on what it is, and how God has led you to be involved. Just don't tell them God won't give more than they can handle.
The Lord told me... Be very careful when claiming to speak for God. God does speak to us, and I do believe there are times He wants us to say certain things to someone. But we need to be careful we are hearing from God before we claim to speak for Him. I used to know a very insecure Christian woman, and any time she wanted people to agree with her, she would say, "The Holy Spirit told me..." and then she'd state her opinion, or what she wanted to do. It was a setup where you couldn't disagree with her, or it appeared you were disagreeing with God. That was wrong on her part. It was, in a sense, taking God's name in vain. In another way, it is the same as being a false prophet. Deuteronomy 18:22 says that if someone claims to speak for God, and what they say doesn't check out, that person is a false prophet, and shouldn't be listened to. False prophets were to be killed (Deuteronomy 13:5). Pretty serious. I'm thankful for God's grace, because believers do mistakenly claim to speak for God at times, and it is a serious thing. We need to really be careful, and humble. When to use this phrase: when you are 100% sure, without a doubt, that God has spoken to you. If your certainty is 99% or lower, preface it with, "I believe God is telling me..." rather than "God told me." When not to use it: Definitely don't use it to manipulate people into agreeing with you or doing things your way. That isn't right. Don't use it if you're not certain God is the one who inspired it. Maybe say this instead: Honestly, almost everything is subject to some level of doubt in our minds. If you feel led to speak to someone, do it. But instead of saying, "God told me...." say something like, "As I think about you today, I really believe God has laid on my heart to say..." This will come across as caring, rather than arrogant. It will also give the person something to think about without feeling pressured to agree with you right on the spot, and that can actually be a lot more powerful.
In the flesh The Bible talks about being in the flesh and being in the spirit. Galatians 5:16ff talks about the battle in our lives between the Spirit of God within us and our old "flesh" sinful nature. This is a real battle that every believer experiences. But I have known some people who obsess about whether they're in the flesh or the spirit moment by moment. I knew someone who was just tortured, and would ask, "Was I in the flesh or the spirit when I was walking the dog? Was I in the flesh or the spirit when I was brushing my teeth?" and they had no peace in their lives, because they were so obsessed. Worse, I have known some who use this concept to manipulate people. If you say something they don't like, they say, "You're just in the flesh." A church I know of split a few years ago, with some people disagreeing with some changes the new leadership made. Those who disagreed with leadership handled the situation biblically, speaking with the leadership before they made the choice to leave. When their concerns were not given any sort of acknowledgement, they felt their only option was to leave. They left without fanfare, without stirring up gossip. Those who stayed just called everyone who left, "in the flesh." Were they really? I didn't know everyone involved on either side of it (it wasn't my church), but it doesn't sound like it was handled in a fleshly way. It sounds like they tried to do right, and then followed their conviction. It is immature to just say someone is "in the flesh" because they disagree with you, or go a different direction. My husband constantly heard this at the Bible college he attended. He was said to be "in the flesh" when he would share desires the Lord had placed on his heart but hadn't materialized yet, or if he expressed any sort of concern or disagreement with things that were going on. The only way to be "in the spirit" was to be a yes-man. That's not what God says about it. Galatians 5 gives the evidence of being in the flesh and being in the spirit. Read that whole passage. When to use this phrase: When you are using the scriptures that talk about the subject of being in the flesh. When you see someone (or yourself) do something that is clearly not of God. When not to use it: When someone simply does something that rubs you the wrong way, or that you disagree with. Maybe say this instead: What you say will depend on the circumstances in which you'd want to use this phrase, but here are some ideas: "I dislike what just happened. I wonder what God's really up to in this." "I wonder if God is behind what just happened." "I wonder if their desire/struggle is God-given or not. I'm going to pray for them."
These are a few phrases I hear Christians use that could stand to be examined, challenged, and changed. If you can think of some more, let me know! We can look at those in future posts!
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