Ministry Explained

     Recently, I have had several Christian people approach me in genuine concern.  We share that we work as missionaries evangelizing children with the gospel of Christ.  Immediately, assumptions are made, and questions are asked.  I want it to be clear that I am not mad at anyone for asking questions or challenging us.  I am glad to be asked.  We are delighted to answer any questions, and want to put all concerns at rest.  My goal in sharing this isn't to criticize those expressing concerns, but to just show where these concerns come from, and put everyone at ease.  Here are a few assumptions I am getting from people, and what it shows me about theological trends in this day and age.  

You're forcing children who aren't really ready to make a decision.

     When we say we are evangelists to children, we mean that we are evangelists to children.  We share the same gospel message with them that we would with adults.  If you were sharing Christ with an adult, you would ask them questions to gage their understanding, and if they showed hesitation or lack of desire or understanding, you wouldn't proceed.  The same is true with these children.  We share the gospel message, and give them the chance to speak with us about what it means to trust in Christ.  Upon talking with them, we are dependent on the Holy Spirit to reveal the truth to them, and make us aware of their readiness.  No one is forced or coerced.  No one can ever be saved by coercion.  It has to be a real choice on the part of the child (or adult).  However, we know that children are often the most ready to embrace the salvation Jesus offers...because they are ready to embrace Jesus!  Jesus said in Matthew 19:14, Let the little children come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.  Exactly one chapter earlier, Jesus said some even more compelling words: Even so, it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish. (Matthew 18:14).  Jesus commanded us to evangelize the whole world (Matthew 28:19-20, Mark 16:15, Acts 1:8), and He never put an age limit on it.  Some church traditions have put age limits on it, but the Bible does not.  Also, there are instances in scripture of children having saving faith.  Matthew 18:6 refers to those who offend children who believe in Jesus, and the word "believe" here is the same Greek word as is used in other scriptures (such as John 3:16) for saving faith, πιστεύων .   This means that the children in question have savingly believed in Christ.  The epistles, which are clearly written to saved people, address children as well as adults (Ephesians 6:1, Colossians 3:20, I John 2:12), leaving us to conclude that children in the early church were saved.  This leads us to believe we should evangelize everyone, and let the Holy Spirit work.  If someone (regardless of age) expresses an understanding of what Jesus did for us, and a desire to receive Him, the Bible leads us to believe that they should be led to that point of decision.  Statistically, 85% of Christians report to having come to salvation between the ages of 4 and 14.  We are never technically commanded in scripture to go out and lead children to the Lord, but neither are we commanded to go out and lead all the adults to the Lord.  Age is just a number to God!  

You're teaching children to "ask Jesus into their hearts," which isn't a biblical phrase for salvation.

     First of all, our particular ministry seldom uses this phraseology anymore, and there is a reason.  When we give a gospel presentation, we use what is called a "Condition-Promise" verse.  This is a verse which gives the condition you and I must meet in order to have eternal life, and the promise that we receive when we meet those conditions.  For example, Acts 16:31 tells us to Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved...  The condition we have to meet is to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ.  The promise we receive is that we will be saved!  There are many other verses that we use, but this is one of my favorites, because it is simple and short.  We use a condition-promise verse, then explain salvation in terms of the verse we used.  If we use Acts 16:31, we explain what it means to believe on Jesus and be saved.  If we were to use John 1:12 (Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God.), I wouldn't use the phrase "believe on Jesus and be saved."  I would instead explain salvation in terms of believing and receiving Him, and becoming a child of God.  Do you see where I'm going?  There are many verses in scripture that explain salvation.  Different terms and imagery are used.  We explain salvation biblically, using terms right out of scripture.  
     However, I am going to add something.  I am going to defend the idea of inviting Jesus into our hearts.  When a child (or anyone) asks Christ into their hearts, fully grasping their sin and need for Him, this is salvation.  Romans 10:13 says, whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.  If someone is truly calling on Jesus for salvation, their wording doesn't matter.  It isn't about phrasing.  It is about embracing Jesus.  Additionally, Ephesians 3:17 tells us, That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith.  Combine this idea with Revelation 3:20, Behold, I stand at the door, and knock, if any man hear my voice and open the door, I will come in...  For this reason, I am not against the idea of inviting Jesus into our hearts.  If you don't like that imagery or phraseology, don't use it.  The Bible gives many other phrases to choose from when describing salvation.  Use another if this one doesn't suit you or your witnessing opportunities.  But please don't imply that those of us who got saved "asking Jesus into our hearts" are not saved because we didn't use the terminology you prefer.  

You're teaching children that praying a prayer saves them.

     Again, this is a a false assumption.  We teach children that Jesus saves them!  Here is an analogy.  We don't share this with the children, but just follow me a minute here.  We need food to survive.  Imagine a delicious dinner set before you.  But in order to grab hold of that food that nourishes your body, you need a fork.  Does the fork feed and sustain you?  No, the food does.  But the fork is the means by which you grab hold of that life-giving nutrition.  The same is true for faith.  Jesus saves you.  The means by which you grab hold of that salvation is by faith.  Faith is our "fork."  The real credit for salvation goes to Jesus, not our faith, not our prayers.  His grace enables us to have the faith to believe.  Ephesians 2:8 says, For by grace you have been saved, through faith, and this is not your own doing, it is the gift of God (bold emphasis mine).  Even our "fork" of faith is a gift from God.  We didn't conjure it up ourselves.  It is true that the faith in our hearts, not the words we say, is how we grab hold of salvation.  However, the reason we have the children pray isn't because we believe the words are magic.  As I just shared, Romans 10:13 tells us to "call on the name of the Lord."  Likewise, a few verses earlier in Romans 10:9-10, we are told If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.  The heart and mouth go hand-in-hand here.  We make a profession of our faith at salvation.  When we explain salvation to children, and they tell us they believe in Jesus, we tell them, "Why don't you tell God what you just told me?"  They pray to the Lord, confessing the faith they have just expressed in their hearts.  We don't get hung up on the mechanics of salvation from God's perspective.  We focus on what is man's responsibility, as stated in scripture.  When we get too focused on the mechanics, exact wording, having all the perfect theology, it can become a form of legalism.  

You're making it too easy!

     Salvation is simple (for us).  It wasn't easy for Jesus.  He endured the cross, bearing our sins, and enduring broken fellowship with the Father.  All God's wrath on our sin was put on Jesus, so we wouldn't have to bear it.  Because He did that for us, salvation is simple.  We believe in Christ!  That's it.  It's done.  We don't want to make light of it, but we also shouldn't add red tape to it and make it difficult.  Salvation is received by grace through faith--not through modified behavior, not through religious activities, not through good deeds, not through making a commitment to read through the Bible in a year, not through joining a church.  It's faith in the finished work of Jesus.  It isn't what you do.  It isn't what you don't do.  It's what's already been done by Christ!

You are giving children false assurance.  

     In fairness, once I have talked someone through the previous objections, they seldom still use this one.  This is one they tend to say at the beginning, before I have explained a few things.  But I do want to address the idea of false assurance.  I have heard a lot of people talk about false assurance.  I am going to talk about what the Bible says about assurance, but first, I will explain that we don't ever tell a child, "Now you're saved!  Hooray!" Or whatever is being assumed.  We ask them, "If you really meant that, what did Jesus just do for you?"  The child will probably say something like, "He saved me, "or "He made me His child."  It depends on what condition-promise verse we used.  We will say, "Yes.  Let's go back to that verse,"  and then we take the child to the same condition promise verses.  If we used Acts 16:31, we'll reread it, and say, "Did you believe in the Lord Jesus Christ?"  The child will say yes, We then tell them, "Then this verse says that if you did that, you are saved!"  We are putting the burden of assurance on the Word of God, not ourselves.  
     As for what the Bible says about assurance, we read in Romans 8:16, The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God.  Likewise, First Corinthians 2:12 tells us, What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us.  It is the Holy Spirit's job to give assurance.  If someone is really saved, the Holy Spirit gives assurance.  This doesn't mean we don't sometimes "make assurance" of our salvation.  In fact, that is a good thing to do.  Second Peter 1:10 says, give diligence to make your calling and election sure.  So, in addition to it being the Holy Spirit's job, it is the person's own job to make assurance of their salvation.  There is nowhere in scripture where "false assurance" is mentioned.  We are never cautioned to be afraid or worried about doing this.  I believe this is a modern fear and phenomena.  We should be mindful not to just tell someone they're saved when we don't know, but we are not to live in constant fear or bondage to that.  If someone is trusting in the fact that you told them they're saved to give them assurance, God will work with them.  We do our best, but God overrides our mistakes.  No one is the perfect evangelist, but the Holy Spirit is the one who works through us.  He saves the person.  He gives assurance.  No one will be in hell because you gave them false assurance.  You're just not that powerful.  Do you best, but leave the results up to God.  He is fully able to communicate with that person.  I have known people who are so scared of offering false assurance that they never witness--which we are commanded biblically to do!  

  In Conclusion

     Truth and theology are very important, and I am not in any way diminishing the importance, but I am suggesting that God's grace, per God's word, gives us salvation.  Someone using less-than-perfect terminology, putting emphasis on the "wrong part" of the mechanics of it, or stating it differently than you prefer doesn't mean it isn't being used and blessed by God.  God can use anyone or anything (He used a talking donkey in Numbers 22:21-35).  

     My dad was saved as a little boy in VBS.  He responded to an invitation the preacher gave, and he was told to go talk with a teenage girl in the hall.  Several other kids followed.  This teenage girl told this group of kids, "The Bible says the only way to get to Heaven is to ask Jesus into your heart."  She looked at my dad, "You go first,"  Not sure what to say, my dad (age nine) said, "Jesus, save me!"  The next child repeated this phrase, as did the rest of the kids.  When they were all done saying, "Jesus save me," the teenager smiled and said, "Now you're all Christians, and you're going to Heaven!"  She then took them back to the main group.  Now, as a professionally-trained missionary/evangelist, I would say she should have had more training, but God used her anyway.  My dad really was saved that day.  The Holy Spirit bore witness with his sprit that he was saved.  When he was a little older, he made assurance of his salvation.  This teenage girl working in VBS was perhaps ill-equipped, but she was trying.  God used her, in spite of her imperfections.  He uses us too!  It's in His strength, not ours.

     After I invited Jesus into my heart (yes, my salvation involved inviting Jesus into my heart, as well as being "born again"), I immediately knew I was saved and forgiven.  The Holy Spirit bore witness with me.  I thought right away, "Everyone needs to do this!"  And I became a little evangelist.  I shared Christ with my doctor at my next appointment.  I told kids in the park about Jesus.  I talked about Christ with my neighbors.  I especially witnessed to my little brother.  The first time I successfully led  someone to Christ (that I know of), I told a little girl in my neighborhood, "If you don't invite Jesus into your heart, you'll go to hell!"  She looked terrified.  Following this startling statement, I quoted John 3:16 (For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life), and then made her repeat the verse after me, phrase by phrase.  I then said, "Jesus died for you, but you deserved it, but He did it instead, so you could be saved.  Now let's pray!"  I told her how to invite Jesus into her heart.  Do I think this was the best way to evangelize?  No!  But I was an elementary student in the 80's.  I have come a long way in over 30 years of evangelism trainings!  But God used what I gave as a child, and this girl was saved, in spite of my weak evangelism.  She grew in faith, and there was evidence of her salvation. 

Me as a young evangelism in the 80's

     A very kind man I know felt burdened for his coworkers.  One day, he gave a talk in the lounge at his job, and told everyone, "If you want to say the sinner's prayer, you can do it with me now!"  He didn't even really explain much about what that meant, but surprisingly, many were saved that day.  Arguably, they must have already known who Christ was, because that sentence he said to them didn't explain enough for understanding, but many people know facts about Jesus, so realizing they needed to make their commitment to Him might have been all they needed to hear.  If they truly meant the words they were praying in that sinner's prayer, they were truly saved.  There was evidence of their salvation being real as well.   Again, not ideal evangelism, but God used it!  

     I have read so many testimonies of people coming to Christ in a way that was less than "textbook" perfect, but what they were believing about Jesus and salvation was totally biblical.  In fact, I sometimes wonder if some of today's theologians would nit-pick some of the Apostle Paul's evangelism!  

     My point is, there is a trend today toward a fear of doing evangelism wrongly somehow, whether it's using the wrong words, forcing someone, or giving "false assurance."  Yet  all throughout history, people have put their eternal hope on the finished work of Christ.  The Holy Spirit saved them, not the evangelist.  We don't do it in our own strength.  We want to be used of God.  We do our best, but God fills in the gaps.  We do what we can, and He does what we can't. I'm so glad He does that!  Our job is to get busy sharing Christ!  What are you waiting for?

Culty Goodness

     As Christians, it is important to surround ourselves with godly friends and fellowship, and to sit under biblical teaching.  Hebrews 10:25 encourages us, not abandoning our own meeting together, as is the habit of some people, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the day drawing near.  It is important to be part of a good church family.  If you are part of one, I would imagine you love it.  If you didn't, it stands to reason you wouldn't be attending there.  

     No church is perfect, because they are all made up of imperfect, forgiven people, who are in the process of becoming more like Jesus.  Being part of a church body requires grace, love, and forgiveness at times.  However, there are some things to watch out for when considering a church, even your own.  These things are what can make church become more of a cult-like environment (even if the theology is sound).  And sometimes, it isn't just your church, but trends within the Christian community around you, often affecting multiple churches.  Which preachers and theologians are the pastors in your town following on the radio and social media?  What Christian YouTubers do they watch?  Here are ten things to watch out for.  If you detect any of them, prayerfully consider stepping away (or not entering in the first place, if you haven't yet).  

1) An "us vs. them" attitude toward other believers is fostered.  As Christians, we live in a world that doesn't know or understand us (First John 3:1).  It can be easy to slip into an "us versus them" attitude toward the world, rather than loving them and reaching them for the kingdom.  However, when we start thinking this way about other Christians, it is even worse, and we are in a dangerous place.  There will always be Christians who have different theological viewpoints on non-salvation doctrines than you do--and they're not your enemy.  They are not false prophets.  They are not false teachers.  Jesus said the world would know we are His disciples by our love (John 13:35), not by the way we nitpick each other!  I am not suggesting we give up theological truth for the sake of getting along, but I am suggesting that, when we are dealing with other born-again Christians who love the same Lord we do, we overlook these non-essentials.  We can still teach what we believe the Bible to proclaim about these things in our churches, but we shouldn't "major on the minors" to the exclusion of loving these fellow believers.  I have learned so much from other Christians who had some different theological slants than I did.  

2) You and your fellow church members are made to feel like an extreme minority of truly righteous.  This is sort of a continuation of the previous point.  As I said, the world doesn't know us, so true believers are a minority.  But the concern I am sharing is when a group of Christians are made to feel that they are the only Christians, and that other professing believers aren't really saved, or at least aren't doing the Christian life right.  This breeds superiority within the church, and suspicion for others outside.  There are more Christians than can be numbered, and they will all be in Heaven.  Revelation 7:9 says,  After this, I beheld, and lo, a great multitude, which no man could number, of all nations, and kindreds, and people, and tongues, stood before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, and palms in their hands.  Of course, these are all Christians from all of history, but still, that should refute any attitude that one church has the only real Christians in it.  A more extreme example of a church that considers themselves to be the only righteous would be Westboro Baptist Church, in Topeka, Kansas.  From what I have been able to gather, they truly believe they are the only true believers on earth, and that everyone else is going to hell.  Most churches aren't this extreme, but there can still be that mentality, and this can take the form of casting doubt and suspicion on other believers.

3) The preaching is more about warning of different movements within Christianity than about the actual truth of the Bible.  A pastor is a shepherd, and watches out of the souls of his congregation (Hebrews 13:17).  That being the case, a pastor or other spiritual leader who impacts people's lives should be aware of harmful, unbiblical teachings going around.  He should warn his people.  But after he is done warning them, he should go back to teaching the Bible.  I remember in the late 2000's, when the emergent church was starting to be a concern.  If you're not familiar with that, the emergent church (sometimes called the emerging church) is a movement of deemphasizing sound theology (or throwing it out altogether) and instead making Christianity about appealing to the world by doing good deeds and championing social causes.  You can look up more about it online (Wikipedia has an article)  Often, truth has no part in it.  It is a concern to be aware of.  Well, anyway, some friends I knew were telling me that their pastor was preaching on the dangers of the emergent church.  I thought, "Good, he's aware and warning his people.  That's really great."  A few months later, I visited them again, and asked what their pastor was speaking on, and they replied, "Oh, he's showing how evil the emergent church is."  Hmm, wasn't that what he was preaching on before?  Six months later, their church was still learning of the evils of the emergent church movement.  The focus was on this ungodly movement, instead of on God!  I believe this pastor's time would have been better served by teaching his people the truth of the Bible, so they would be equipped to recognize error, instead of making an idol of the error!  I have heard other pastors harp on the latest popular book (by Joel Osteen, Rick Warren, Sarah Young--you name it).  In essence, they are giving more attention to that book than to the Bible!  There have been times I have agreed with a pastor's warning assessment of such books, but other times I had no idea what was wrong with it.  One pastor had obviously not read the book he was ripping to shreds, and he completely misstated it.  Be aware of what you're criticizing before you criticize it.  Do your homework.  Be aware of what's going on, but focus on Jesus.  Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith; who, for the joy that was set before him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.  (Hebrews 12:2).  If the focus is more about false movements than the truth, this is a problem. 

4) Leadership create "straw men" about supposed beliefs of other believers, or even unbelievers.  I used to teach in a private Christian school.  I loved it.  The church that ran this school was a lot to deal with, though.  We didn't attend there.  We had visited several times.  The pastor was speaking about abortion.  He used scripture to support a pro-life viewpoint, which I agree with.  However, he then started talking in this mean, mocking voice about pro-choice people, and anyone who had ever had an abortion, and said (still in this nasty, fake-whining voice), "These people get abortions because they think they're God and don't care about anyone but themselves.  They're rather be a murderer than a parent!"  A woman in the audience got up and ran out of the church crying!  Who knows what kind of stories lay in her past?  Maybe she'd gotten pregnant as a teenager and been pressured by a boyfriend to get an abortion.  This pastor took her getting up and running out as a persecution complex ("Some people can't handle the truth!").  By deciding what pro-choice people or those who have had abortions think, he created a straw man--a false view that might not have anything to do with what they actually think.  When people crate straw men, they create arguments against them, when really, no one is launching those arguments at them.  They create an enemy they think they can defeat, and yet they haven't even engaged the other person or found out what they're really thinking.  Leaders can do this with other issues as well.  For example, some of my friends who believe it is possible for a believer to fall from grace and lose their salvation have created the straw man that those of us who believe we are eternally secure believe that, by extension, we can do whatever we want.  I don't know anyone who believes that!  I have addressed that argument in other posts, and if you are interested, this video, put out by one of my favorite Bible teachers on YouTube, explains the issue well: you can watch it here . But those who make that accusation have created a straw man, deciding what we believe and creating arguments against it, when that isn't what we believe at all!  Instead of taking your pastor's word about what other people believe, why don't you engage them and ask?  They would probably be delighted to tell you what they really believe, and you can have an informed discussion, rather than wasting time dismantling a belief no one holds.  

5) Your leadership tells you how you are and are not allowed to interpret the Bible.  This is getting into the nitty-gritty.  Some leaders don't trust their people with the Bible and indwelling power of the Holy Spirit to discern God's word properly, so they add a lot of rules to how they can interpret it.  One church had this on their website, under the heading of the scriptures (note, most of this is fine, but read carefully): We teach that, whereas there may be several applications of any given passage of Scripture, there is but one true interpretation. The meaning of Scripture is to be found as one diligently applies the literal grammatical-historical method of interpretation under the enlightenment of the Holy Spirit (John 7:17; 16:12-15; 1 Corinthians 2:7-15; 1 John 2:20). It is the responsibility of believers to ascertain carefully the true intent and meaning of Scripture, recognizing that proper application is binding on all generations. Yet the truth of Scripture stands in judgment of men; never do men stand in judgment of it.  Okay, I agree with most of that, but the part I highlighted is the problem.  This church believes that people can only apply scripture to their lives in a way that is "binding on all generations."  What does that mean?  Is it the idea that any application you get from the Lord from a verse can only be applied if it would also apply to others throughout history?  I get the impression that they are saying, "Apply the Bible to your life, but not too personally or specifically." I wrote this church a letter, asking for clarification on this point, and never heard back.  Their website didn't give any other way to reach them except writing a postal letter.  If this is what they do indeed mean, my problem with it is that they ignore the fact that God is a very personal God, and has very specific applications for us that might not be for someone else.  As they said, which I agree with, the meaning of scripture doesn't change, and that would determine how we apply it.  There's a boundary.  Any application we take should be in line with the teaching of scripture.  That being the case, historical biblical interpretations on social issues would remain unchanged.  But within that, with the Holy Spirit in your heart, there are numerous possibilities for what God can do.  Have you ever read a passage you'd read dozens of times, but this time, it just jumped out at you in a new way, and applied to something you were going through right then?  That's God's Spirit applying it to your life.  A leader's job is to teach people to love God and His word, and then let people study it for themselves.  We need to be carefully grounded in the Word.  There might come a point when you or I apply a passage in an unbiblical way, and need a godly reminder.  But God does speak to us today, specifically for our personal situations.  A leader should encourage you toward biblical application.  If a pastor tries to get too nitty-gritty in telling you how you are allowed to apply the Bible to your life, you should look for a new pastor, because he clearly doesn't trust you, or (worse) doesn't trust God's word or the Holy Spirit.  

6) You aren't allowed to disagree with or question leadership.  Spiritual leaders are as human as you are.  They are not God.  They are capable of making mistakes.  I would hope any leaders in your life would have their own mentors and accountability partners, sharing their own struggles and growing in grace.  They should be open to questions.  They should encourage their people to study God's word for themselves.  A church here in Arkansas has one of the most humble pastors I've met.  He has told his people that they need to check him out, and if they find error in what he has said when comparing it to the Bible, they need to come to him and show him where he is wrong.  That is a good leader.  King David, in the Bible, was open to the correction of the prophet Nathan (Second Samuel 12).  Good leaders are open to that.  It is true that Hebrews 13:17 tell us, Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, but remember that Acts 5:29 says that We ought to obey God rather than man.  Respect the leaders in your life, but don't follow blindly.  You are accountable to God.  

7) There is an over-emphasis on terminology.  Some people get really hung up on words.  I knew a pastor who  rewrote several hymns to make them technically correct.  Amazing Grace became Amazing God (since we shouldn't praise an attribute).  A worship leader at an entirely different church rewrote part of the song Mighty to Save.  In the second verse, the original lyrics say, ...I give my life to follow, everything I believe in, now I surrender... This worship leader felt the words "everything I believe in" were humanistic, and he changed it to "everything that your word says," except that didn't make sense!  The song was saying to surrender everything you believe in.  Why would you surrender what God's word says? That's what we should be taking for ourselves, not laying down or surrendering.  That was a nitpicky example of taking phrases out of context and rewriting them (and in that case, I believe that was actually violating copyright, since that song is not public domain).  I have known of people who only allow certain words to be used when speaking of salvation, such as "put your faith in Christ alone for salvation."  This is a true explanation of salvation, but phrases like "Receive Christ," "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ," and "Be born again," are also biblical phrases that describe salvation.  In fact, many are against this, but "inviting Jesus into your heart" even has a biblical basis (Ephesians 3:17, ...Christ dwells in your heart through faith..." and Revelation 3:20, behold, I stand at the door and knock, if any man hear my voice and will open the door, I will come in...).  It is okay to have a preferred way to state it.  But when a leader gets totally hung up on one way of saying something, whether it is about salvation or something else in the Bible, it is very cult-like.  I have even seen less extreme cases where people snap at unsaved or unchurched people referring to Christian things as being "religious" and these Christians will say, "It isn't a religion, it's a relationship."  Well, that is true in a sense (and untrue in another), but that is not really getting to the heart of the person.  The pastor I mentioned who re-wrote the hymns also wouldn't let people refer to a church service as a worship service, because "you should worship all the time, not just in church," and he wouldn't allow people to refer to a new church they were starting as a church plant, because "a plant is a scientific organism that grows out of a seed in the ground."  Easter had to be called "Resurrection Sunday" (which I do prefer myself, but I still use Easter as well).  You had to double-check every word you said around him.  If you slipped, boy would he let you know!  

8) Discipleship is programming.  I think all of us have been in controlling environments. My husband (who reads all of my blog posts before I publish them, and even named this post "Culty Goodness" for me) has shared about a time in his life when he was in an environment that was biblically sound, but could be very controlling.  Many times, he was put down, but the one doing it would refer to it as "discipleship."  Also, beware of spiritual leaders who use discipleship as a means of programming.  If someone is discipling you, make sure it is in the word of God.  Hebrews 4:12 says, The word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.  God's word is powerful enough for discipleship.  If discipleship looks more like legalistic programing, brainwashing, or groupthink, this is a problem.  If you are being discipled, and what the person is telling you seems fishy or wrong when compared with the Bible, step away.  In fact, if discipleship has nothing to do with the Bible, walk away.  On the other hand, sometimes the Bible is being used, but is being used as a weapon against you, in order to tear you down. God's word can be used to direct, convict or correct, but is always to be used with love and grace in the lives of other Christians.  Romans 8:1 says, There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  Further along in the passage, in verses 33-34, this idea is reiterated:  Who will bring charges against God's elect?  God is the one who justifies; who is the one who condemns?  Christ Jesus is He who died, but rather, was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us.   If you, as a Christian, are being condemned, that is not of God.  Jesus took your punishment, and pleads for you.  Don't let people condemn you, even if they're twisting God's word to do it.  

9) Leadership is always burning bridges.  Sometimes, there is a parting of ways between people, even believers.  Some people and ministries are in your life forever, while others are for a season (thought of course, reunited in Heaven one day).  But beware of leaders who are constantly burning bridges with others, making enemies.  This can look like shunning other churches or ministries, or it can involve kicking existing members out in rapid succession.  Cutting other Christians off is serious business.  Just disagreeing on minor theological issues isn't a good reason to burn bridges.  If something does happen that causes a rift, it still shouldn't characterize normal ministry functioning.  In fact, scripture gives us reason to try to heal broken relationships.  Romans 15:5 says But may the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus.  As much as possible, Christians should be unified.  Sometimes, it isn't possible, but these kinds of partings shouldn't be the norm.  If your leaders are constantly going through rifts and burning bridges, that should be a concern.  

10) Doubt is cast on people's salvation for reasons unrelated to Jesus.  The Bible gives us the authority to use one criteria to determine if we or someone else is saved.  Jesus said in John 3:3, Truly, truly, I say to you, unless someone is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.  In John 14:6, He made it very clear that He is the only way (I am the way, the truth and the life; no one comes to the Father, except through Me.).  That is a pretty bold claim.  If someone is claiming any other way than Jesus Christ, we can use the authority of God's word to say this person is not saved.  Not a Christian.  Not on their way to an eternity with God.  This should burden us to pray for them and share the gospel with them.  However, any reason besides that is not a good enough reason to say they are not saved.  If someone claims to be a Christian, but isn't being a good testimony, doesn't know the Bible well, or takes a different minor theological issue, this is no reason to say this person isn't a Christian.  I recently had someone tell me I'm not saved simply because I disagree with a well-known Bible teacher (who, by the way, does almost every red flag I put on this list).  I responded to this person by telling him that Jesus, not this teacher, is the Way, Truth and Life.  Faith in Jesus is what saves, not good deeds, living a perfect testimony, or agreeing with your pastor theologically.  Someone I knew was in a church for a while that accused all the other churches in our town of not being true Christians.  This goes with what I had said in point two, about a church or group of people claiming to be the only righteous.  If someone makes false claims about Jesus or salvation, then yes, you can conclude they are not saved.  But no other reason is good enough.  Often, such claims can discourage the weak and struggling.  

     These are some major red flags.  A church might have pretty good theology (which is vitally important), and yet still fall into these traps.  Be wise.  I'm now going to close with a much shorter list of some good reasons to join/stay in a church or ministry:

1) The calling of God on your life to be there.

2) The teaching is biblically sound.

3) You are held accountable by believers who love and value you.

4) You are encouraged in your walk of faith.

5) You are being drawn closer to the Lord.

6) You enjoy fellowship with godly friends.

7) The leadership is humble and accountable for their own walk.

8) Conflicts are managed biblically, and the goal is for real, lasting peace to be made.

9) You have opportunities to use the gifts God has given you.

10) You and others are shown grace.  

God Told Me...

Fall 1987

      "It's true," my little friend Cristin insisted, her eyes wide.  

     "It is not!  You're making it up!  You're lying to me!"  I told her blatantly.  We were in kindergarten, and I was used to her pretend little stories.  Of course, as a child that age, I sometimes told them too.  

     "It is true!" She shot back.  "God told me in my mind!"

     Well, at least this little girl knew the highest authority to appeal to!  I felt frustrated, knowing I couldn't rightly refute what she was saying any further, because I would be arguing with the Almighty (even though I knew that was more of her story-telling).  

Present Day (April 2021)

     Sadly, false claims about hearing from God are not relegated to elementary-aged children.  Many years later, I was in a Bible study.  A very insecure woman in the study often began her sentences with, "The Holy Spirit told me..." and then she'd state her opinion.  It was a setup where you couldn't disagree with her or it appeared you were disagreeing with the Holy Spirit.  Just like when I was in kindergarten, I found myself getting frustrated, because I knew the Holy Spirit hadn't necessarily told her the things she was claiming, but I couldn't outrightly challenge her (at least not without making a lot of trouble I didn't feel up to handling at the moment).   In essence, she was saying, "God told me in my mind!"  

     People claiming to speak for God is an ages-old phenomena.  In a sense, Satan started it in Genesis 3, when he told Eve to eat the fruit.  His refutation and twisting of what God has said was, in essence, falsely speaking for God.  People have been doing it ever since.  Sometimes, like Satan, the motive is to destroy others and get them into sin.  Other times, it is simply a cover for insecurity, or a selfish motive.  In any event, claiming to speak for God is serious business.  In the Old Testament, false prophets were to be killed (Deuteronomy 13:5).  

     One of the most bizarre experiences I have had of someone falsely claiming to speak for God was a letter I received some years ago.  This letter was from a woman I knew.  I admired that she was ministry-minded, but I had seen her manipulate others at times.  Her theology was a little more into the "signs and wonders" than mine.  This is not a bad thing in itself at all.  God does have the power, and does work in our lives, dramatically at times.  However, I had seen her use this belief to control people and situations, and it made me uncomfortable.  I generally got along with her when our paths crossed (we didn't work for the same ministry, but our ministries occasionally overlapped).  Finally, though, the time came when I crossed swords with her.  I did something she didn't like, and, like so many others who offended her, I received a manipulative, shaming phone call from her.  It was disguised as niceness and concern, but she was really putting me down.  She was posturing herself over me, and putting me in what she believed was my place.  When I did not allow her to control me (I politely refuted her controlling comments), I received a letter from her in the mail.  The letter did away with all her fake niceness.  The velvet gloves came off.  She told me how wrong and sinful I was, and how she wanted nothing further to do with me or my ministry (Hooray!  Oh, wait...and she thought this would be a punishment to me?), and then added, "God told me a secret about you!"  

     Was I wrong and sinful?  Well, the truth is, I am a sinner.  I'm a forgiven, saved sinner, being sanctified and becoming more like Jesus, but I am still not perfect (I won't be until Heaven).  It is always possible that I had a part in the situation.  I can take responsibility for that, and own it.  I can make it right.  I am not claiming I was 100% innocent, nor do I claim to have handled this woman perfectly.  But she was trying to posture herself over me, and when I didn't allow that, she became mean.  Is that how biblical prophets acted?  No.  Did God tell her a secret about me?  No.  God doesn't tell secrets like that.  He isn't a petty junior higher who wants to leave others out!  In the Bible, when He gave prophets a message for others, He had them actually deliver it, not say, "God told me a secret about you!"  This reeks of pettiness.  While I didn't stumble as a result of her ridiculous letter, it was unnerving.  How do you know when God is really speaking through someone?  Here are a few warnings that what someone says is not of God:

It contradicts the Bible.  If someone says God told them something, but what they're saying is unbiblical, that is a very clear sign it isn't of God.  For example, God won't lead anyone to commit adulatory, lie, steal, or anything else that goes against what He has established in His word.  I once read a very inspiring story about this woman who felt called to get on a bus and travel 200 miles to tell someone she didn't know that it was okay for her to marry the man she loved.  The story was written by the woman in love, and she took this stranger-messenger as God's voice.  However, the story was about how she, a Christian, got God's okay to marry an unbeliever.  It was a touchy-feely story, but it wasn't a biblical conclusion.  Second Corinthians 6:14 clearly says, Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers... It might seem miraculous that some stranger felt led to come on a bus 200 miles to tell her to marry him, but the result reveals that isn't of the Lord.  

     We also need to be on the watch for things that go against God's character.  I knew a very catty woman (the same one who always said the Holy Spirit told her things that were really just her opinions).  She once claimed that God told her to exclude another Christian woman from a ministry she was trying to start.  She very publicly invited this woman to join in front of everyone, then wrote her a very mean message privately, telling her that God said she wasn't invited after all.  Is that of the Lord?  No.  God doesn't operate like that at all.  When we look at Jesus, we see someone who always made time for people.  When He did need private time with His disciples, or even with his closest three friends (Peter, James and John), He made that effort to get them alone.  He wasn't nasty to other people in order to just be with them.  Make sure what you are hearing from the Lord is in line with His word and His character as revealed in His word. 

It condemns.  The woman who said God told her a secret about me was being very condemning.  She was initially putting me down and criticizing me, and then she took it further by cutting me out of her life, saying God told her a secret about me.  If she wanted no further contact, she could have simply dropped contact.  You can let someone go without making it this big condemning thing.  Romans 8:1 says, There is therefore now no condemnation for them which are in Christ Jesus...  As Christians, we are not condemned by God, and shouldn't accept it from other people.  God is able to communicate with you.  You don't need other people telling you about your walk with God.  Hebrews 8:11 says, And they shall not teach every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: for all shall know me, from the least to the greatest.  We, as believers, are indwelt by the Holy Spirit.  He can convict you when you aren't living in a godly manner, but it won't ever be condemning.  It will lead to deeper fellowship with Him.  He gives you the power to do right, and the desire to carry it out!  Conviction from the Holy Spirit will never leave you feeling hopeless, worthless or condemned.  It will leave you knowing, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! (Philippians 4:13).

     There is a difference between condemnation and correction.  None of us is above the need for correction.  If you have a trusted friend or mentor who calls you to account, consider yourself blessed.  Faithful are the wounds of a friend (Proverbs 27:6).  A Christian friend's correction should be done in love, not superiority, and should certainly not be condemning to you.  And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24).  Correction should be more than just pointing out your wrongs.  It should encourage you toward doing right, believing the very best about you.  If someone rips you to shreds--whether it is an attack on your character, an enraged confrontation, casting doubt on who you are in Christ, or making you feel horrible about yourself, that is not of the Lord.  

It doesn't have any focus on Jesus.  Christ is the center of everything for us.  He is the central focus of scripture.  He is our Savior.  Our redeemer.  He is our creator (Colossians 1:15-16).  If someone is claiming to be speaking for God, but what they're saying doesn't come back to Jesus at some point, that's a red flag.  Colossians 3:1 says, If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.  Self-help messages are fine in some contexts, but a word from the Lord will center on Jesus, not just shallow philosophy, or humdrum things in life.  Hebrews 12:2 says, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith...  If Jesus isn't being glorified, I would question what is being said.  

The person claiming to speak for God has a life that isn't yielding fruit.  No one is perfect, but someone being used of God should be bearing good fruit.  A pastor I knew of used a lot of profanity in delivering God's message to people, which caused some to question whether God was really speaking through him.  Other people who claim to speak for God end up having a lot of moral failures in their lives, and yet people still follow them.  Be careful who you listen to.  Matthew 20:17-18 reminds us: So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. 

     In Conclusion, you are responsible for your walk of faith.  Jesus warned us not to let ourselves be deceived.  Matthew 24:4 tells us, Jesus told them, “Don’t let anyone mislead you,.."  You are responsible for your heart and soul.  You need to be grounded in God's word.  Be taught by the Bible and led by the Holy Spirit.  God will show you whom to trust, and will let you know when He is speaking to you!  I don't know about you, but I'm all ears!  

Reality Check

      A few months back, I did a post about gaslighting, and how people sometimes invalidate us with this manipulative technique--November 5, 2020 post, entitled (In)Validated.  Sometimes, we can feel invalidated in situations where it might be accidental.  We might even do it to others unintentionally.  As Christians, we want to honor the Lord in the way we treat others, and we also want our sense of reality to conform to the truth (You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:32).  Let's look at that.  

     A Christian psychologist I follow, Dr. Allison Cook, has defined gaslighing as (and I quote) "a form of psychological abuse in which your reality or experience is systematically and intentionally invalidated. It’s when a person or group questions your experience or your perception of reality in order to keep their power. In other words, they’re not questioning your experience in order to help you. They are questioning your experience of reality because they want to stay in control or in power over you. Their goal is not to help; it’s to make you feel crazy, weak, or dependent."  Unquote.

     As I had shared in the earlier post on the subject, the term gaslighting came from the 1944 movie Gaslight.  This film is about a man who is trying to make his wife believe she is going insane by bringing her experiences and sense of reality into question.  It is a very intriguing film (and my very favorite actress, Angela Lansbury, played a supporting roll as a teenager).  

     Having someone gaslight you can make you wonder, "Am I crazy, or is everyone else?  Can I trust myself?  What is true?"  It is a terrible way to think and feel, and it isn't God's plan for you. This doesn't mean everything you think and feel is right, or that it should necessarily be validated as being true, but feeling confused and crazy isn't ever God's will.   For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace... (First Corinthians 14:33).  As Christians, we have the Holy Spirit, to guide us into all truth (John 16:13).  The Holy Spirit never makes us feel crazy or stupid.  He lovingly draws us to the Lord.  Sometimes, that means convicting us, but even that leads to joy in the Lord and a closer walk with Him.  Feelings of craziness never come from God.  God loves you and There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear... (First John 4:18).

     It is normal for people to see experiences differently.  We all come into situations with our own views and thoughts already in place, and that colors how we experience things.  We also might focus on different specifics within a situation.  All of that should make allowances for people perceiving things differently.  However, there is a difference between someone simply having a different take on something than you do, and someone trying to totally invalidate you.  

     One time in ministry, my boss and I had spent some time with another Christian.  This man was a pastor, and really knew the Word.  I felt, though, that he was very harsh and put people down.  When I expressed this to my boss after we had met with him, my boss replied, "Hmm. I didn't see him that way. I thought he was very kind."  Was that gaslighting?  Not at all!  We are allowed to have different perspectives.  He wasn't telling me, "No.  You're all wrong.  He wasn't like that.  What's wrong with you?"  He just shared how he had seen the man.  Reasonable people should be able to have these kinds of discussions without it being invalidating.  Come, let us reason together... (Isaiah 1:18).  My boss was very kind and reasonable to me.  In our discussion, he shared that he felt I was possibly reading more into this man than was there, whereas I felt my boss wasn't reading enough in.  Who was right?  It doesn't really matter.  We both left that conversation feeling respected, and had some food for thought to carry into future encounters.  

     Gaslighting is bad enough in normal situations, but when it is spiritualized, it is infinitely worse.  What if someone in your church was acting improperly, and when you went to share your concern with an elder or pastor, and they told you, "You're gossiping about a fellow Christian!" That rebuke could make you so ashamed that you retreat within and question your own sanity, while the improper person continues their violating behavior, unchecked.  Sadly, I have seen things of this nature happen in several church or ministry environments.  One church in my hometown had a rule that their church's laws were above the laws of the land, and that the pastor could never be questioned.  He was eventually arrested for physically abusing church members (having a boy dig his own grave and burying him alive...among many other heinous things).  That church had a police officer and other mandated reporters in its membership, and when this all got out, these people lost their jobs, because they should have been reporting this.  I was never a part of that church, but some people I loved went there for a while.  One of them was also arrested, with the pastor.  It was very difficult.  One man in the church had previously attempted to go to the police, but the pastor had stopped him and shamed him into silence.  That is what spiritualized gaslighting looks like.  Don't get into it!  

     What should you to do combat gaslighting (spiritual and otherwise)?  There are two things.  The first is to be a truth-teller.  Be honest and straightforward.  Make sure you are not the one doing the gaslighting.  If you disagree with someone, be kind, like my boss was when he disagreed with me.  You can disagree with someone without ripping them to shreds.  Also, in speaking truth, you are also on the offensive.  You are refusing to allow people's gaslighting to control you.  You keep stating the truth.  The truth is a powerful weapon.  

     The second thing is to develop what I call a garbage detector.  Allison Cook calls it a BS detector!  Here is what she recommends (I will add my thoughts to hers on a few of these, but you will know where hers end and mine begin.):

1) Listen to your body.  "Your body is wired with a danger mechanism called the fight-flight response." Cook tells us. "It often gets out of balance as a result of trauma. However, its purpose is to help you detect danger. Notice things like a pit in your stomach, a tightness in your chest, or a racing heart. These physical sensations are signs that something has triggered your nervous system. Pay attention and take some deep breaths. Don’t immediately discount those responses. They might be important signals to heed."

2) Develop a healthy relationship with your emotions.  Cook says, "God gave you emotions like anger and fear for a reason. They help alert you to dangers in your environment. As you develop a healthy relationship to these important emotions, you can start to trust yourself with God’s help."  

     I will add to this that, often, we as Christians are cautioned to ignore our emotions.  We are reminded that our hearts are deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9).  This is true, but that is in the unregenerate state.  A Christian who is indwelt by the Holy Spirit, in the process of being sanctified, and desiring to please God can learn to trust himself or herself, with God's help.  Emotions are a part of reality, but they are not the lens by which we should determine truth.  It can be a hard balance, but we don't discard how we feel.  As Cook said, they are given to us for a reason.  

3)  Get help from people outside your system.  Cook makes the very valid and helpful point that "When you are swimming in water that’s toxic, so is everyone else in that same pond. Look for a lifeline outside of that water and start letting them know what’s going on in your family, work environment, or faith community."  

     This has been so helpful in my life.  I have had two major invalidating factors in my life.  One was one of my siblings.  I grew up in a strong Christian family.  My parents are wonderful people.  However, one of my siblings is very narcissistic (that's a whole other topic).  My parents are very peace-loving personalities.  They hate fighting of any kind.  If I had a dime for every time I heard my parents arguing when I was growing up...I might have a dime.  I'm not even sure about that!  My parents instilled in me a love for others and very gracious manners, which is truly wonderful.  My sibling, the narcissist, was always trying to control things in our family, and my peace-loving parents allowed it.  It wasn't that extreme until all of us kids were teenagers.  This sibling controlled what TV shows and movies we watched, how everyone felt, how we experienced things.  My parents simply allowed this, not being up for fighting with this sibling's dominant personality.  A lot of times, my good-hearted, guileless parents didn't even grasp what the sibling was doing.  Whatever this sibling said was our reality.  If I laughed at a funny TV program, this sibling might say something like, "You don't get it.  That wasn't supposed to be funny.  You're just not real swift."  I would question myself, and analyze the show, and try to figure out if I had misunderstood it.  If I liked a certain song, the sibling would say, "That's so is so old!  You're really out of style.  No one else likes it."  The idea was to make me feel shame in simply liking a song.  Who cares if it's old or not, or if I'm the only one who liked it?  But that wasn't even always true anyway. This sibling would try to bring my relationships with other people into question as well, casting doubt on my friendships.  It even got to the point, as I got older, that it was starting to affect my dating, and I knew I could no longer handle this intrusion into my life.  Books, movies, magazines, TV shows, or any other thing that I liked was fair game for mockery.  Not just fun teasing, but harassment that made it not even worth it anymore.  I felt like I had to hide everything I was doing.  One time, I called the sibling out on this and said, "You don't get to define my reality," to which my mother said, "Don't you dare talk to your [sibling] like that!" It was easier for my sweet parents (of whom I still think the world) to let this sibling control everything.  It wasn't until I moved out of my parents' home as a college student that I realized the rest of the world didn't operate like this.  I was free to read whatever books I wanted or watch whatever movies I wanted without being mocked and humiliated, or having it supposedly mean something about my phycological state of mind.  This sibling and I have had a very rocky relationship, all because I don't let them control me.  Holidays can be tense.  My parents have even been upset with me at times (as upset as they get, which isn't much compared to most people), for not just getting along and putting up with it, but my sanity is too high a price to pay.   So is yours!  For the record, I love my parents very much, and they honor my boundaries (they honor everyone's!  The last thing on earth they'd do is stop on toes!).  They love and serve the Lord with all their hearts, and are very supportive of my husband and me being in the ministry.  

     The second major invalidation in my life was with a ministry.  A wonderful ministry, actually.  I have shared about this in other posts, but I was treated inappropriately by a young man on a mission trip at age 18.  Not one person I tried going to would acknowledge he was wrong.  Some accused me of gossip.  Some told me I was the one who was being inappropriate to him, and that he was a godly man.  I was deeply ashamed by these accusations.  Other, more benign responses I got were things such as, "Oh, he's like that to everyone."  First of all, this wasn't the case. This guy was very eccentric and had very odd social skills toward everyone, but he wasn't acting towards others as he was to me.  But even if it was true and this man were sexually arousing everyone there, that doesn't make it right!  And even if it was hypothetically 100% unintentional on his part, the fact that one person was being made to stumble should have been reason enough for someone to take me seriously and talk to him.  But no, in any event, it was considered to be 100% my fault, or at least 100% my problem.  I did not receive validation until I sought it from a Christian counselor who had nothing to do with that ministry.  That person was far outside the madness of that mission trip group, and was able to blatantly refer to what I had experienced as sexual assault.  You, too, can go to someone outside the system that is failing you.  If the system is your church, find another Christian from outside that culture.  If it is an organization, find someone on the outside.  Fortunately, the mission trip I went on was part of a good organization, and is not some weird cult.  I simply hadn't gone to the right people for help.  The situation was handled in an unhealthy way back then, but I believe improvements have been made in this overall ministry, and that today, someone making the same complains would be taken seriously.  

4) Test what you are being told against concrete data points.  Cook says, "Get clear about your facts. Write them down and talk them through with a friend. Reality test your perspective against the Scriptures, science, and trusted advisers. Anchor yourself in the truth. For example, if you are feeling queasy with what is being taught in your faith community, ask yourself these questions:

• Is what you are being told practical?
• Does it help you or harm you?
• How would this approach impact the most vulnerable person you can think of?"

     

     Good advice!  Don't let people define your reality.  Let God define it!