Do all for the glory of God

     So whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.  (First Corinthians 10:31).  This verse seems very timely for today, for several reasons.  Eating, drinking and doing are big parts of our lives!  And yet, I think we sometimes get a distorted view of these things, particularly eating.  Let's look at the impact food has on our lives, relationships, and culture as a whole--and how it can be used for the glory of God!

     I believe we live in a society that obsesses over food.  I am not referring to glutenous overeating.  I'm referring to the opposite extreme.  I constantly see ads online or in magazines for weight loss programs.  I see articles and trends about what we should eat (or not eat) for optimum health.  Low-carb diets have been popular for the last two decades.  Low-fat was in before that, and still is with some people.  Now intermittent fasting is making the rounds of popular diets.   A lot of this has to do with weight loss, but there are also diets that are just designed to promote health.  I used to know a woman who obsessed about what foods would make you get cancer (and she believed burnt toast was on the top of the list!).  On top of this, we have organic, gluten-free, vegan, and numerous other diets.   If you listened to everything that everyone has to say about this, you probably couldn't eat anything!  With all of these messages out there, it seems hard to just enjoy good, old-fashioned food!  

     I am going to look at four aspects of food consumption: weight/health as a whole, my own food journey, the ways food affects so many other areas of our lives, and the Biblical attitude toward food. 

     Our society can be obsessed with the number on the scale.  We often attach our self-worth to that number.  I find it interesting that the Bible barely mentions weight at all.  Not very long ago, thin was in.  Every person was expected to be the weight that this arbitrary chart said they should be for their height--as if all people the same height had to be the same weight!  That's really preposterous if you think about it!  

Beautiful women at different sizes

     I have seen a slight shift in this mentality recently, and it is starting to be recognized that people can be attractive at different sizes and shapes (people have always known this to be true, it just wasn't always publicly acknowledged).  No two people's bodies are exactly the same, and expecting them to be is a lie.  This lie has led to a lot of eating disorders, and I also believe it has led to all these crazy diets.  Matthew 6:25 says, Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on.  Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?  We are not to obsess about food or clothes, and today's preoccupation with weight, dieting, and how we look seems to be in direct opposition to Jesus' words.  I personally believe overall health should be a bigger concern than the number on the scale.  I am not saying that weight should never be addressed, because it can contribute to other medical concerns.  I just don't believe that trying to have people all be at some imaginary "ideal" weight is as important as their overall health.  I also think a preoccupation with weight can psychologically damage a person.  In a 2019 article published by Scientific American, Monica Reinagel reported: It's not that your weight doesn't matter.  It's just that it's not the only thing that matters.  She points out that body weight and body mass index don't take into account the body's composition.  She also adds that the way we are being told to lose weight has had very little effect in the last three decades, and a saner approach is called for.  She closes the article by encouraging everyone to focus on being as healthy as they can, and not making weight in and of itself the priority.  

     It is true that the number on the scale doesn't tell the whole story of your health at all, and it should not be something we obsess over.  If it needs attention, give it the attention needed, but don't make it the center of your existence, or the source of your value.  In trying to be at my best health, I have done different variations of diets.  Basically, as a young woman, I watched calorie intake, and tried to get exercise.  I ate very small amounts throughout the day, and then really enjoyed a good-sized dinner, and filled up on popcorn in the evening.  I walked several miles over hilly terrain every day during my breaks at work.  This kept me in good shape as an older teen and into my 20's.  The problem with it was, I didn't really eat healthier food.  I just monitored calories.  Sometimes I would eat a candy bar for breakfast.  It was about 220 calories, and I just figured that was better than eating a 300 or 400 calorie breakfast of whole grains and fruit (since it was only about calories with me, not nutrients).  This kind of dieting caught up with me in my mid-20's.  My metabolism slowed down.  Even though I remained active, and watched calories, I gained a little weight, bringing me to what has basically been my "average" in my adult life.  That's lesson one: your metabolism slows down, and you should be making nutritious choices, not just watching calories.  

     

     After I got married, I started to gain weight again, just from the whole life change.  I wasn't overeating, and I was trying to get a lot of exercise.  My sweet husband never noticed or commented on it, but I knew about it.  This is lesson two: a life change (marriage, moving, job-change, or any other routine disruption) can cause weight gain.  I started looking for ways to lose the weight, and this was when I came across Intermittent Fasting (IF).  IF was virtually unheard of back then, but is now quite popular.  What this looks like is eating the normal amount of calories, but doing it during a specified time, and then fasting the rest of the day.  You focus more on when you eat than on what you eat.  This is understandably appealing for a lot of reasons.  Before I go on, I will say that I believe it can be sustainable under the right conditions.  I started by eating in a 12 hour window, and then fasting for 12 hours.  As I'll explain later, I still try to do this.  This basically just meant that there needs to be 12 hours between dinner and the next morning's breakfast.  I saw results very quickly.  Gradually, I got to the point of eating in an 8 hour window and fasting for 16 hours (which I don't attempt now, and if it happens that way, it is by chance).  If you eat breakfast at 9am, and finish dinner at 5pm, this works.  Eventually, I got to the point of eating in a 6 hour window (1pm-7pm, skipping breakfast but having a good lunch and dinner).  However, again, I wasn't watching what I was eating that closely (though by that time I did have a pretty balanced diet).  I was focused on the hours, though.  And you know what?  It worked...for several years.  This organized way of eating and fasting really seemed to help me get into a good routine.  I quickly lost the weight I had gained, and then some.  I got to the point I had been at as a slender teenager.  I felt great.  But I still didn't have the best habits as far as picking the healthiest foods (even within relatively balanced eating).  I had found my magic formula, and it was working for me!  It worked for me for years, with no problem...until...

     My husband and I have moved a few times in our marriage, for different reasons (grad-school and jobs, in a nutshell).  As I said, moving can disrupt your routine and can throw off eating.  I had managed all right through a few states, but we finally moved to Texas.  My husband got a job in his field.  I got a job at a Christian preschool.  It was supposed to be a little part-time job, but due to them being short-staffed and needing to remain "legal" with teacher-to-child ratio, it quickly grew to 11 and a half hours a day for me (I got paid well!).  Texas does not require employers to give lunch breaks, and so I did not receive one unless there was availability with other teachers able to step in...and that was rare.  Being on the clock with children that many hours each day really threw me off of my eating window.  What had worked before no longer worked.  My previous window had been about 1pm-7pm, but now, most of my entire window was in my working hours (I got off at 6:30pm), and I didn't really have time to eat or enjoy my meals unless I ate with the children (and I was with one-year-olds, so it wasn't appetizing watching them eat!).  What was more, I was working with hospitable Texans (Baptists no less!)--the type who want to make sure their friends have enough to eat.  My coworkers didn't see me eating during the day and worried about me, and were constantly bringing me food (they were so sweet).  What I really wanted was to eat a good meal when I got home at the end of it all.  I tried to redefine my window, but even though I still ate in a window, my weight began to climb.  My body had become dependent on the old window, and changing it threw me off.  I began to panic that my weight was climbing, even without me overindulging.  I had put my body in the situation where it was depending on IF instead of on me making smart nutritious choices.  It felt like it was now out of control!  And that's lesson three: Intermittent Fasting, like so many fad diets out there, works best if you can commit to it forever.  Trying to change it can make the weight come back (not necessarily that it will, but it can, and did for me).  I will say that I think Intermittent Fasting has the potential to work over the long haul, if you are committed to it, and also practice good nutrition.  I think my extreme schedule in Texas was more to blame than anything else.  I will also add that a friend of mine has used IF and said it taught her that it is "okay" to be hungry sometimes, and that was something she needed in her own struggles with food.  Additionally (as I said earlier), I still use some principles from IF, in that I try to have a 12 hour break between dinner and the next morning's breakfast, but it is okay on the rare occasion that doesn't happen.  Trying to make the window too constricting doesn't work for me anymore.

     Covid closed my husband's job in Texas after only 9 months (and the company had only opened a few months before we arrived).  God opened the door for us to get into the ministry here in Arkansas.  Another routine change.  I tried to get back into my old eating/fasting window, but my weight kept climbing, slowly but surely.  What could I do?  This summer, my weight hit the highest it had ever been, and I knew Intermittent Fasting wouldn't work for me anymore.  I got into a program called Noom (it is almost completely done through an app on your phone).  I'll give some pros and cons of Noom in a minute, but first, I will say that as of right now, I have lost 22 pounds, and am back to my "average" adult weight, though I'd like to lose a little more.  Noom is not a fad diet.  It isn't a diet at all.  They have the philosophy of, "If you don't want to eat this way forever, why are you now?"  They encourage you to enjoy your meals, while also giving information that helps you make choices that fill you up better and decrease your food intake.  Their slogan is "Brainpower, not willpower."  I really like it.  

     Here are some pros of Noom: It is very personalized to you (when you sign up for it, it asks you tons of questions to help come up with the right plan and pace for your goals).  No judgment is passed.  You are accountable to yourself.  You have the option of being accountable to a coach or group through the app, if you so choose, or you can just keep it with yourself.  You have no official restrictions.  You are given helpful information every day to apply to your new habits.  You are given a calorie budget, and you can pretty much fill it the way you choose.  Splurging is okay!  You learn delicious and healthful recipes.  You learn some great healthier substitutes to some of your favorite foods.  I have also found that, as I have gotten my eating habits into a more organized situation, all of my other habits have become more under control as well.  I am spending less money when I go out.  I am maximizing my time and other resources.  

     Here are the cons: There is a lot of logging food, water, and exercise on the app.  I don't mind this, but some people might not like keeping on top of it.  There is also a cost.  It is dependent upon how long they decide you need to be on it.  You pay upfront for the months they say you should be on it.  For example, when you sign up (and answer all those questions), if they decide you need six months, or twelve months, or whatever, they will calculate the cost for that and charge you for it (they tell you what it is, and you accept it before it actually charges you).  It isn't divided into a monthly payment, just one lump sum.  You can cancel anytime, but you don't get a refund.  You have access to everything you paid for.  If you don't cancel, you will be charged again when your months are up, so keep an eye on that (maybe you'll want to continue going when your months are up).  The daily lessons they send you have some helpful advice and info (and they're not very time-consuming), but they are also a little bit sarcastic and attempt to be funny in ways that fall short (that is only minimally annoying, but it is a con).  This program is definitely not from a Christian worldview (They encourage things like twerking for exercise, and things like mindful meditation).  I take the good and leave the bad, but these things go in the con category for me.  

     Overall, I am very glad I started Noom, and I do recommend it.  It builds good habits.  What it has that my previous plans were missing was actual focus on nutrition--without depriving myself of things I enjoy as well.  My body has become used to eating nutritious things (and even treats that can fit into my calorie budget at times).  I don't ever feel like I'm forcing myself to stay away from food I want to eat.  

     There are many other eating programs out there as well.  I wanted to share how my food journey has been.  You need to do what is right for you, your needs, your body, and your overall health.  No judgment from me.  Personally, I don't really enjoy hearing people get into too many specifics about their diets, which is why I didn't give precise numbers or tell you details of what I like to eat.  I hope my sharing has been helpful.  

     Here are a few little tips I have learned in my journey:

1) Eat when you are genuinely hungry.

2) If what you are eating is physically small, use a small side plate instead of a large dinner plate.  This helps you feel fuller when you see yourself starting with a full plate as opposed to a mostly-empty pate.

3) Set your fork down between each bite.

4) Really taste each bite.  Think about what you are tasting, and enjoy it.  

5) As an experiment, stop eating with five bites left to spare, and save the rest for later (don't do this at every meal, but try it sometimes).  See if you can be satisfied on less.  "Cleaning your plate" has been drilled into a lot of us, but only do that if you actually want to eat it all, and are hungry.  

6) Eat foods that are less calorie-dense, because they will fill you up more.  For example, 100 calories of grapes will fill you up a lot better than 100 calories of raisins.  It's still 100 calories, but the grapes will give you more "bang for your buck" (or rather, satisfaction for your calories).

7) A little exercise routine: Do this in six minutes, or in multiples of six (such as twelve minutes, eighteen minutes, or even sixty).  Set a timer and walk at your normal pace for the first three minutes (or half of your full time).  When that is done, set it again for two minutes, and speed-walk those two minutes (or one-third of the full time), and then, for the remaining minute (or sixth of the full time), run.  Keeping active is healthy in any event.  Food intake has a greater impact than exercise, but keeping active will help you keep weight off.  

8) If you work a job with a lot of sitting, get up and walk around every hour.  

     My weakness when it comes to food is disorganized eating.  When I lose my routine, that's when I get into trouble.  We are all different, and this is particularly true in our battles and relationship with food.  I have done a lot of soul-searching in this, and have concluded that I'm not a compulsive over-eater per se, but I am a disorganized eater sometimes.  I also enjoy good food as much as the next person.  The hard thing (I imagine for everyone) is that we need food to survive.  We have to have it.  It isn't a guilty pleasure, but a daily necessity.  It isn't something we can just decide to give up, like drugs or smoking or something like that.  Another complicated aspect of food is that it affects almost all areas of our lives.  We attach emotions to eating.  I was very poor during the Great Recession of the late 2000's and early 2010's.  My bills all got paid, but there were days I didn't have food in the house.  I was too proud to ask for help.   When I did have access to food, I never knew when I would get to eat again, so I would go kind of crazy and overeat.  It became an emotionally-related issue to me, and it was hard to build back to to a healthy attitude toward food.  We attach feelings of being nurtured with food.  We have fellowship over food.  It plays such a big role in our lives.  

     What does the Bible say about all of this?  Well, I think Matthew 6:25 (which I already shared) helps us realize that being preoccupied with food and body image isn't God's will for us.  We should take care of our bodies, because they really belong to God.  First Corinthians 6:19-20 tell us: What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own.  For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.  God is our provider when it comes to food, and all else.  He provided manna for the children of Israel in the desert.  This is described in Exodus 16.  God promised to send bread from Heaven to feed His people, but He was testing them as well.  They were only to gather what they needed daily.  Anything hoarded for later would rot.  Some did not listen to God's instructions.  Trying to get extra food for the next day, they found what God had said to be true when it rotted (verse 20).  The only exception was that they were to gather extra for the Sabbath.  They had to trust God to meet their needs.  Trying to hoard it for the future was disobedience in this case.  I'm not saying it's wrong to plan ahead, but we need to be trusting in the Lord as our provider.  Also, on an emotional level, God alone (not food) can meet our needs.  His grace is sufficient (Second Corinthians 12:9).  

     There are times when a doctor might tell you to remove something from your diet for your own good.  I was told to remove caffeine from my diet in 2010.  It has now been eleven years since I've had a caffeinated beverage.  Maybe you have had to remove something.  But unless you are instructed to do so, I truly believe God wants you to enjoy the food He has provided.  He gave you taste buds for a reason.  Remember in Acts 10?  Peter saw the vision of all the "unclean" animals in the sheet, and a voice spoke to him saying to kill and eat.  Peter refused, saying that he had never eaten anything unclean.  The voice of the Lord replied, "Do not call anything impure that God has made clean."  First Corinthians 10:23 says that All things are lawful... Being obsessed about what we're eating or what we're cutting out isn't really helpful.  I was once in a Bible study with several women who were very self-righteous about their diets.  They distrusted the FDA (and considered it a sign of spiritual maturity to distrust it), and would look down on people who shopped at regular grocery stores and ate regular food.  One of my friends pointed out that it was as if these ladies had made a whole religion out of food.  That's fine that they wanted to grow their own organic vegetables, slaughter their own animals, and only shop at specialty health stores, but it was also fine for the rest of us to shop at the regular grocery store and eat food approved by the Food and Drug Administration.  It's all okay by God's standard.  First Corinthians 10:23 continues to remind us that not everything is particularly helpful, even though lawful.  You need to determine what God would have you eat.  Don't let your eating (or anything else in your life) be a stumbling block (Romans 14).  

     Go enjoy a good meal!  So whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.  (First Corinthians 10:31).  

Generation Gap

     This was another post that was in my funny/pop-culture blog (between-you-and-me-wink.blogspot.com) that I decided to also share on this one as well, because it fits.

      "What's the biggest state?" my friend Michelle asked.  I was helping her with her homework so we could go outside.  

     "Alaska," I told her.

     "No!" Cut in her grandmother (the neighborhood kids all called her Grandma Shirley).  "Texas is the biggest state.  If I learned anything in geography, it was that!  My teacher drilled that into me.  Texas, then California, then Montana." 

     Trying to be polite to the elderly woman I greatly respected, I said, "Texas is the biggest in the mainland United States, but Alaska is a lot bigger."

     "That can't be!"  Grandma Shirley looked concerned and alarmed.  "I got straight A's in geography, and if I know anything, Texas is the biggest!"

     This precious woman (who is now in Heaven) had attended school in the 1920's, and at that time, Texas was the largest state.  Alaska didn't join the union as a state until 1959.  No doubt, when this event had occurred (and Shirley was a middle-aged woman), she heard all about it, but she was no longer in school, and was not required to learn that Alaska was larger than Texas.  This led to a generation gap that day as I helped Michelle with her homework.  But these things are not relegated to sweet Grandmas who would be over 100 were they still alive...

On its way to becoming the most-populous state, Texas has many more people than Alaska, but it is smaller geographically.

     I had my own experience of being the uninformed one many years later!

   

     "Can we sing some modern songs?" the teenager girl asked us.  "We're kind of getting tired of all the hymns."  

  

     "Sure," my husband and I happily agreed.  We were leading the campfire time the last night of camp a few months ago.  All week at summer missionary camp, my husband and another guy had led worship, and they had agreed on mostly using hymns, since everyone knew them and it was easier.  This camp fire was a little more laid back, and I was helping out as well.  At the request for a modern song, Walter and I decided to sing the most modern worship song we could think of!  We began singing...

🎶"Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
With wisdom, power, and love
Our God is an awesome God..."🎶

     What could be more modern than Rich Mullins' hit Our God is an Awesome God?  I must admit that we had sung both verses, and the chorus a few times (getting really into it, because how could you not get into ...the judgment and wrath He poured out on Sodom, the mercy and grace He gave us at the cross...??) before it occurred to us that none of the teens were singing along.  They were all staring at us blankly.  

     After we finished, one called out, "That was a great song you guys made up!"  She was serious.  

     "We didn't make it up," I stammered, realizing our idea of "modern" might not have been what these kids had in mind!  "Rich Muillins did."

     "Is that a guy at your church?" Another teen asked, also serious!  Whew!  

     "No..." I said slowly, not even sure what to say.  "He's a guy who's in Heaven, but when I was your age, he was one of the most popular Christian artists."  I wanted to tell them that Rich Mullins, as well as other greats of that time, had dominated the Christian skate nights our youth group went to, and how I still had many of their tapes and CD's (they probably wouldn't have known what a tape was anyway!). Talk about a Generation Gap!  They went on to request some song we had never heard of, from an artist we also had not heard of.

     Ever have these laughable times of realizing how out of touch you are?  What generation are you from?  What generation do you wish you were from?  Do you find you resent the stereotypes associated with your generation?  Do you have friends all across the board generation-wise, or are most of your friends from your generation?  I'll go right out on a limb here and say that I don't care for the generation labels.  They really do paint with too broad a brush.  Also, there seems to be some confusion as to where some of them begin and end...

This picture was taken from a 2019 article, so depending on your age in 2019, that's what this article would classify you as, generation-wise.  It places me in Gen X.  Since it isn't an agreed-upon consensus, I am sometimes among the younger Gen Xers, and other times, among the very oldest Millennials (or Gen Y).  By some definitions the millennial generation doesn't start until five years after my birth.  It's really confusing.  However they slice it, I'm always part of the micro-generation knows as Xennial.  We grew up without cell phones and the Internet, but had these things in our 20's.

          Here's a big fallacy with generations.  Let's say some man was 70 when the above-referred-to article was written, but his wife was a few months older than him, and was born in December of the previous year.  According to this (and other generation cutoffs), that would make his wife a different generation than him!  That's ridiculous!  You obviously have more in common with someone a year older than you than someone a decade younger than you, and yet that's how some of these generations classify people.  My husband was born less than four months before me, though he was born the calendar year before me.  His birthday is October and mine is February.  By one definition I read, he and I were classified as different generations!  That's crazy! We were in the same grade through school (but didn't know each other--but we could have been in the same class had we gone to the same school).  

     While I am someone who believes in absolutes, I do not think generations are an absolute thing.  They're just social observations.  Sometimes, people get left behind too.  As I've said, I tend to be on the very edge of Gen X and Millennial.  However, when I hear each described, neither fits me.  For example, they often refer to Gen X as being in high school during the Reagan administration...which is older than me, since I was in high school (and some of college) during the Clinton years.  But then, when they describe Millennials, they say that they were in grade school during 9/11, which is much younger than me, as I was already an adult then, done with much of college (at the time, I though I was done with college, but I later went back).  In these descriptions, they kind of exclude those of us who fall in-between.  I think it's true with all of these stereotypical generations, though, not just the one's I may fall into.  They often describe Baby Boomers as being born between 1946-1964.  Some of these people were almost adults when Kennedy got shot, and others were born after this notable event!  

     Having said this, I don't think cultural generations are as long as these listed.  Within five years either direction, someone wouldn't relate to the same cultural world as you--at least not precisely.  I remember Ronald Reagan being the President, but my baby sister doesn't (she was born then, but was a toddler when he left office).  I think of myself as a child of the 80's and a teenager of the 90's.  The first Presidential election I remember and was really aware of was 1988 (George H.W. Bush defeats Michael Dukakis).  Other people who are around my age grew up watching the same Saturday cartoons (at TGIF with Urkel!), seeing the same movies, and listening to the same music (like Rich Mullins--if you listened to Christian music like I did).  Our lives were shaped by the same world events (for my "micro-generation" Operation Desert Storm was the only declared war in our growing up years).  We were adults by the time 9/11 happened.  I'm old enough to remember the Soviet Union's existence, and was aware of when the Cold War ended (I got my first zit the day the USSR collapsed--and I'm sure it was all Boris Yeltsin's fault!).  I remember in school, I had just mastered spelling Czechoslovakia and then a week later, it ceased being a country, and I was really mad I had gone to so much trouble!  I try to write Czechoslovakia as often as I can, just to make sure I didn't waste my time!  Czechoslovakia, Czechoslovakia, Czechoslovakia!  So there!  Someone five years older or younger than me probably wouldn't have the exact milestones I'm describing, though it would be similar.  

I am pictured (the taller girl with the really cool late 80's/early 90's bangs!) in 1992

    

     My having shared this probably makes you think I am either very young or very old--unless you're my age!  I've dated myself either way!  I recently learned some facts they didn't teach me in school, just like Grandma Shirley learned that Alaska was bigger than Texas.  I just found out there's no more Yugoslavia.  I also found out that there are now five oceans!  There were only four in my day!  Also, Pluto isn't a planet anymore (but that was big enough news at the time that I heard about it when it happened in the mid-2000's).  I didn't realize until this week that South Sudan is a country--when I would hear people talk about it, I just thought they meant the southern part of the nation of Sudan.  I also just found out there is no more North Yemen.  Canada has a territory called Nunavut (which separated from Northwest Territories after I had already learned the Canadian provinces and territories). I was always taught the Amazon was the longest river, but now they're saying it's the Nile.  This stuff all happened after my school days.  I guess this goes to show we never stop learning.  

     So what should you do in a Generation Gap?  Laugh at yourself (Walter and me singing Rich Mullins songs really enthusiastically while the kids looked confused was pretty funny)!  Embrace when God chose to create you!  It was for your very best (Acts 17:26-27).  At the same time, be friends with people of all ages.  You can learn from each other, and you already share the most important things in common.  That's the takeaway...and also, if you're ever leading a bunch of teens and they ask for a modern song, they probably mean something from this century!  

Tell Your Story

      Think of a book you've read--a true story, someone retelling their experience.  Maybe you've read Corrie ten Boom's The Hiding Place.  Or Maybe you've read a Presidential memoir, or some other celebrity's autobiography.  These books can be interesting.  Similarly, perhaps you've gone to an event where a speaker shared their story or testimony.  When you read or hear someone's story, it is understood that you are hearing the story from their viewpoint.  There are often other people mentioned in their story, however.  Do those people matter?  Do they have their own viewpoint of how that story went?  Yes, and yes.  For the sake of explanation, let's look at Corrie ten Boom's testimony.

     If you haven't read The Hiding Place, Corrie was a Dutch woman--born in 1892.  She grew up in a Christian family.  Her father was a watchmaker, and she later became the first licensed female watchmaker in Holland.  Later in her life, her family protected Jews during the Holocaust, and helped them get to safety.  They had a secret room in their house.  Corrie and her sister Betsy were caught, and taken to a concentration camp, where Betsy died.  Miraculously, the Jews they were hiding at the time they were caught were never found, and reached safety!  Corrie survived this experience, and for nearly forty years, she traveled the globe, sharing Christ with a lost world.  She died on her 91st birthday in 1983.  That is the gist of her story.  As you read her book, though, there are a lot of interesting details.  While she never married, she had a lost love story as a young woman.  After pursuing her romantically for a long time, alluding to marriage, and showing a lot of attention to her, the young man one day showed up at her house with his fiancee.  She was completely broken over that.  She never got over him, and in the dark days of her captivity many years later, she dreamed of him.  She told the story of this relationship--and all of her story--as she experienced it.  She didn't jump into the other people's minds and try to see it from their view.  She didn't go round them up and try to get their take on it to add to what she was sharing.  No one would expect that.  If someone is sharing his or her story, it should be a given that they are sharing it as they experienced it.  

     If we could somehow find out how Corrie's past boyfriend experienced that relationship, and hear his side of it, it might look different.  To save his hide, I imagine he would deny ever pursuing Corrie romantically, and would say he thought they were "just friends" and that the romance was all in her head.   Or maybe, if he were more honest, he would admit having had feelings for Corrie and acted on them, but knew his family would never approve (his family required him to marry for wealth).  Regardless of what he said, and regardless of what he really believed about it deep down, that would not change the way Corrie experienced it.  If we could somehow talk to the Nazis who persecuted her and her sister, would their story be different from Corrie's?  I can't even begin to imagine what a Nazi soldier would say after the war was over.  One of them (as was recorded in the book) became a Christian and asked Corrie's forgiveness, which she was able to give with God's help.  There are all kinds of sides to everything, but it isn't our job to go into totally generic mode, put our own feelings completely aside, and neutrally represent everyone else in our stories.  We aren't meant to tell it as a fly on the wall watching it all.  We are an active participant in our story, and should tell it as such.  Trying to be totally neutral isn't realistic, nor is it helpful.  In saying that, I am not denying our need to look at the situation realistically, and be honest.  As you move on from an experience, ask God for His perspective and understanding.  ...there is no searching of His understanding. (Isaiah 40:28).  Always tell the truth to the best of your ability.  ...the truth will set you free. (John 8:32).  Someone could make up atrocious lies and claim "That's how I experienced it!" and that is not in any way what I am advocating.

     We are called to share our stories, and to do so in a way that glorifies the Lord.  And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death. (Revelation 12:11--underlined emphasis mine).  When we share our stories, our motive should be to help others and glorify God.  If your motive is to bring someone else down, you are not ready to share.  You need to heal up more, and that's okay.  I believe everyone has been there.  I experienced some difficulties when I was younger, and it was several years before I was able to write or speak about it in a public way.  When I read my early writings, I can tell I wanted justice.  It is true that God will make all things right if we surrender to His will, and no one really "gets away" with anything.  But we need to leave that to Him, not ourselves.  We can passive-aggressively try to get revenge in our sharing if we're not careful.  But once you are at a place where you can share for the glory of God and the good of others, it is okay to do so, provided you consider a few things. 

     It is wise to change the names of individuals who might not wish to be named, or who might not play a good role in your story.  Now, the Apostle Paul often rebuked and reprimanded individuals in his epistles, and he used their real names, and everyone know who he was talking about.  Wouldn't that have been embarrassing?  And yet it apparently wasn't a sin.  Sometimes, when I read memoirs of well-known politicians, they share the way they experienced very public events that everyone knows about, and they do name those involved.  These are all public people.  They all knew the risk when they went into public life.  It is unlikely that the people who play a supporting role in your story are famous or public figures, so respect their privacy by not using their real names if you don't have permission to do so, or if your sharing could make them look bad.  You're not out to wreck their reputation (if you are, you're not ready yet).  

     Something else I am learning is that it can be wise to obscure certain other details, such as not mentioning what city or state an event happened in.  That is an extra precaution, but isn't always a must.  It is important to remember that you are not the other people's PR person.  Corrie ten Boom wasn't trying to bring anyone down in her writing, but she wasn't trying to be overly sympathetic to those who had hurt her.  That wasn't the point.  Her goal was to share how she experienced these situations, and impart what God taught her.  It wasn't her job to make sure her listeners didn't judge the young man who broke her heart, or the Nazis who abused her and killed her sister.  Those people were all free to write their own books if they wanted.  It wasn't Corrie's problem what conclusions others drew about them.  She honestly shared her story.  

     It could be argued that it's wrong to talk about people who aren't there to defend themselves.  Well, that only holds true to a point.  If you're out there slandering people by name to others who know them, especially in a way that could harm their job, family or overall standing in the community, then I would agree that what you say should be balanced by their side of the story.  This is also true if we're talking about a court of law.  On the other hand, if you have obscured the names, and most of your audience doesn't know them anyway,  then you've done all in your power to share honestly and still responsibly protect others.  It isn't your job to make sure the people get a chance to defend themselves.  It isn't your job to make them smell like a rose.  If you share correctly, the other person or people in you story aren't the focus anyway.  If you take precautions and someone still knows who you're talking about and recognizes the situation you're referring to, oh well.  That isn't on you.  It is perfectly fine to share how you experienced something.  You are not defaming anyone in a public way that could harm them.  Most people listening or reading won't know the person, after all.  In this blog, I sometimes share experiences I've had with different ministries.  Some readers recognize what I'm describing, but that doesn't mean most people will.  I would venture to guess almost none of you would, and that isn't the point.  

     I asked several different sources their opinions about sharing one's personal story when other people are part of it.  My friend Jamie, who often shares her testimony in the context of ministry, told me that she used to avoid using names, but as she has grown in her recovery, she now does share the first names of people.  He listeners don't know the people she's talking about.  Another source, Christian speaker and writer Jennifer Jill Schwirzer, shared that she doesn't use names unless she has allowed the other person to actually preview what she is writing or speaking on and then give her their permission.  If she doesn't get that permission, she changes their name in sharing.  It was she who also advised about obscuring other details, such as the location of an incident.  Still others I have asked said they truly didn't know what their personal policy was about sharing their story in regards to others who were also involved, and took it on a case by case basis.  It can be a process of trial and error.  One friend shared an example of someone being very offended by her sharing, when she thought they would be flattered by what she had said.  

     Note, I said you are sharing how you experienced something.  Maybe you experienced abuse.  Maybe you experienced love.  But it's your experience.  You're not trashing people.  You're sharing what you experienced.  Keep that the focus.  The focus isn't to bring anyone down.  The focus isn't to get subtle revenge.  It isn't the other person at all.  It is to share your experience.  If that can be done to the glory of God, go for it!  As I already said, be honest!

     As a teenager, my family experienced some hurt from a pastor.  I am very guarded when I share this story, not because his reputation needs it, but because he also did a great deal of good, and I am friends with some of the people who were truly blessed by his ministry.  In no way do I wish to undermine that.  I share when it is appropriate to do so.  

     What if the person who was part of your story in a negative way has died?  The pastor I mentioned in the previous paragraph is deceased now.  Is it wrong to speak ill of the dead?  You really shouldn't "speak ill" of anyone, living or dead.  Ephesians 4:29 reminds us: Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  Furthermore, we are told in Ephesians 4:15 to speak the truth in love.  You should speak truth in a kind way.  If the truth happens to be that someone was wrong or sinful, that's what you share--as you experienced it.  Part of doing it "in love" means you are not focusing on this person's problem, but only how it affected your experience.  If it wasn't your experience, or if it isn't for the good of public interest, it isn't your business to share.  Keep in mind that this person--whether they were a Christian or not--are no longer on earth to continue making mistakes, nor can they make any sort of amends for what they have done.  If they are a Christian, they are perfect now, and would never do those things again.  If not, they have much bigger problems than their part in your story.  Have the right mindset, but still share.  Sharing your story is  important.  If history didn't record the truth, we couldn't learn from it.  Your story might be exactly what someone needs to hear.  Second Corinthians 1:4 tells us that God comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. God can use your story to help other people who have been hurt.  That is a true victory!  A quote I read that I really loved was this: Your story could be the key that unlocks someone else's prison.  That is why we share!   

     Your story matters for another reason as well.  It matters for you.  It is healing to share.  Sometimes, hurtful things happen, and when you get to the point where you can share it without bitterness, you are blessed.  Some situations are very dysfunctional, with people gaslighting you and telling you that you didn't experience what you did.  Even assuming for a moment that you interpreted something differently that someone else, what makes them say your experience was less accurate than theirs?  No one has the right to say that to you.  Even if you took something very differently than someone meant it, you still experienced it the way you did, and no one can or should try to explain that away from you.  In cases of abuse, this very often happens, and it is so wrong.  You can't heal from something if you're not allowed to even own it.  I experienced some hurt as a young women from a guy who was rather out-of-control in his pursuit of me.  For several years, I was not able to even own what had happened, because everyone kept trying to explain that away from me.  That delayed my healing.  Coming to terms with things that happen to you, and then being able to share them to help others, shows that God is at work in you.  

     In closing, here are some tips for sharing your story:

     Use I and me statements, not you and we.  

     Keep your sharing focused on yourself, how you experienced something, and on what God has done in your life.

     While your sharing may encourage and support other people, do not attempt to fix others.  Only God can do that.