The first scene is a young man digging a hole. The viewer doesn’t know what he is doing, but has an idea it contributes to the story later.
Grace Anderson is a college-aged girl, living with her parents and two younger brothers on their North Carolina farm. She talks about taking an interior design class, so we can assume she is in college of some sort (presumably online, as she is never shown going to classes in the movie). She doesn’t appear to have a job. She has been seeing her boyfriend Stewart for exactly fifteen months. The movie starts with Grace and her best friend Tessa in a jewelry store, looking at rings. It doesn’t explain why they’re there. The jeweler takes an interest in Grace, and tells her the ring she is looking at is a Princess Cut diamond, worth $12,000 (AKA a small new car or a very nice used car, a down payment on a house, or a very expensive honeymoon. $12,000 is more than my wedding and honeymoon cost, combined, and our honeymoon was two weeks at Lake Havasu).
As Grace and Tessa leave, Tessa teases Grace about the attractive jeweler liking her, telling her that until Stewart puts a ring on her finger, she should think of herself as free. Grace says she is sure Stewart is going to propose that night at dinner. We learn that Stewart and Grace have had a long-distance relationship, and he has been away at college.
We meet Grace’s family, and see her parents have some reservation about Stewart, but Grace doesn’t share their misgivings. She is a girl in love! When her mother asks what she loves about Stewart, Grace replies that he’s “cute, fun and smart.” Not a lot of depth to that answer. She dresses up very nicely and waits for her Romeo to come get her. He seems to be late. He finally calls and asks her to meet him at the diner. Grace’s parents seem concerned that Stewart isn’t willing to have dinner with them all as a family. Grace’s father says she is too emotionally attached to Stewart.
Grace arrives at the diner, and is greeted by Stewart’s loud and rowdy friends—a mix of boys and girls from his college. Stewart pays no attention to Grace, acting obnoxious with his buddies, and then announces he is engaged to one of the other girls at the table, and all the other college friends cheer. Grace leaves, devastated. This whole scene confused me. If Stewart was her steady boyfriend, he should have at least acted somewhat ashamed that he had gotten a new girlfriend without telling her. He should have said something like. “Look, I know this is awkward, but we’re though. I should have told you. I’m sorry.” But he just acts like this is normal. Some of the reviewers on Amazon suggested that maybe they were never an item, and she just hung onto him, but he saw her as a friend. That is possible, but then, Stewart never even treated her like a friend in this scene, so I don’t know. Since she says they were an item, I would guess they were. She refers to them taking dates in the past, and she even refers to him checking out other girls on their most recent date. We can conclude that Stewart is just a jerk.
Grace returns home, grieved. Her parents tell her it sounds like God kept her from a real disaster, and suggest they play monopoly together. Yeah, that’s a great cure for heartbreak. Grace literally believed she was about to become engaged, and her heart is broken, and they just play monopoly to help her process this. They mean well, but it seems disingenuous.
While they are playing, Grace’s middle brother, Robert asks their father if there is one perfect person out there for everyone, that they’re supposed to find. Their father says it isn’t about finding the right person as much as becoming the right person. I can agree with that statement.
Grace’s littlest brother Drew had overheard her telling her parents about what happened between her and Stewart, and he puts out an ad for someone to come take her, adding that she is pretty and makes good macaroni and cheese. Several very odd, cartoonish characters show up at their door, and her father sends all of them away. I call them cartoonish because they are outside the realm of normal men. They are as weird as cartoon characters. They also contribute nothing further to the plot. It was supposed to be comic relief, but it really fell flat.
Meanwhile, a new neighbor moves in down the road, an attractive young doctor (age 28, he tells them) named Clint Masters. He is the man we saw at the beginning digging the hole. The Anderson family befriends him, inviting him to church, and welcoming him to the community.
A blonde young woman is seen looking for Clint Masters, and is given the information that he has recently started a practice, and is given the location. She smiles. At this point, the viewer doesn’t know who she is.
Grace is still struggling with what happened with Stewart. She meets a familiar face at the coffee shop. It is the jeweler from the earlier scene. He switched jobs. He makes it clear he is interested in Grace, and she takes the bait pretty quickly. We learn his name is Jared.
Jared tries to kiss her, and she tells him not until he puts a Princess Cut diamond on her left ring finger. So we are led to believe she won’t kiss until she’s at least engaged (possibly married?), and that an acceptable engagement ring has to be a Princess Cut (the $12,000 one at the beginning). Jared slowly breaks her down, and their relationship becomes a little more physical than she feels good with.
Grace pours out her heart to Tessa, who tells her she is overreacting, but since Grace is struggling so much, Tessa refers her to her mother’s psychologist. Grace has one free session with her, and this psychologist ends up being a total joke. Like the cartoonish men who answered the newspaper ad, this woman is outside the realm of normal. She doesn’t really question Grace enough to get to the bottom of why she is struggling. She tells Grace she should just move in with Jared. This is unrealistic advice. A real counselor—even a non-Christian--would never just say that. For one thing, Jared hasn’t even offered to have Grace cohabitate with him. For another, this counselor didn't even try to help Grace understand why she is uncomfortable with the physical aspect of her relationship with Jared. Grace doesn’t agree with the advice given, and she leaves the session early.
Grace’s little brother Drew ends up ruining a project she is working on for her class. She is furious with him, and chases him outside. He ends up getting hit by a truck in front of their house. Clint Masters is nearby, and he (being a doctor) does a quick examination on him and pronounces him fine (not totally realistic, as a real doctor would still say he should go to the hospital for an examination after being hit by a motor vehicle). Grace is very emotional that her brother could have been hurt. She goes inside crying, but when her mother asks what is wrong, she doesn’t mention her brother’s accident. She confesses that she and Jared have been kissing.
In the midst of all of this, Graces’ parents feel convicted that they should be giving her more guidance in the dating department, and that her father should vet any suitors that come along. After a frustrating break-up with Jared, Grace gets on board with this courtship model.
There is a montage scene showing Grace reading all these Christian courtship books. The main one you can see is When God Writes Your Love Story, by Eric and Leslie Ludy (I read that one many years ago, and I’ll comment later).
Tessa crosses paths with Clint Masters, and develops a crush on him. She tells Grace about this cute guy, and Grace just says, “You can have him,” not knowing or caring who it is.
Clint Masters (who has shown no interest in Grace up to this point) approaches the Andersons and asks their permission to court Grace with marriage in mind. The father gives his blessing. When Clint pursues Grace, she says she wants to, but needs her father’s blessing, which Clint is happy to assure her he already has. There has been no romance or even a hint of romance between them, so this seemed awkward.
Tessa discovers that Grace is being courted by Clint (whom she considers her man) and she becomes furious with Grace for “Stealing my man!” In a later scene, she apologizes to Grace for overreacting, but Grace says it’s her fault too. How, exactly? I don’t get it.
The blonde girl who was looking for Clint shows up. Her name is Brooke, and it turns out she was Clint’s old girlfriend from back home. He considers them ancient history. We learn that he bought her a ring, but never gave it to her, because he knew it wasn’t right. He buried the ring (which we saw at the very beginning, not knowing what it was at the time), and intends to dig it up for the right girl. He tells this to Grace’s father, who accepts this. But Grace’s family still awkwardly allow Brooke to stay under their roof. During a party they have with their neighbors to celebrate their harvest, Brooke tries to get Clint back. Jared also shows up, and becomes somewhat predatory of Grace. Clint rescues her in a very dramatic fight scene (two men fighting over the same woman--how original). Grace’s parents show up at the end of the fight and order Jared to leave and never return. They tell Brooke to leave as well, and she replies, “I’m not leaving until I get what I came for!” Meaning Clint. So pathetic and dramatic. When it is clear Clint is over her, she changes her tune and leaves.
Clint also leaves, and it wasn’t really clear as to why. He just rescued her from Jared, so he’s a hero. But he just leaves, as if he’s ashamed or embarrassed. Grace worries she lost him. She sends him an email, thanking him for defending her against Jared, telling him she respects him, and that she wants to be complete in Christ, whether He brings them together or not. A scene shows Clint digging up the ring he buried at the beginning. The family has a picnic, and Clint shows up (it turns out he and her father planned this), and presents her the ring. You guessed it, it is a Princess Cut diamond. Grace has no problem wearing a ring originally intended for another woman. Clint tells her she is “amazing” which I don’t quite see. She hasn’t done one amazing thing in the whole movie.
Okay, here is my take on this movie. First, I’ll share what I appreciate and relate to. I appreciate that Grace’s family love and support her, and want to help her. I appreciate the struggle she has in the dating world, with so many messages out there, both Christian and secular. When I was in my early 20’s, I felt like I was constantly getting bombarded with contradictory messages about what was expected of me, and what was right and proper. I was left feeling defeated and confused. So I do relate to Grace in this area. I can understand having your heart broken by someone you had hoped to marry. I was there once. Thankfully not now, but I was there at one time. I like how her father states that it’s more about becoming the right person than finding the right person. The rest of the movie doesn’t really stand behind this philosophy, but it’s a true statement. The statement is made about being complete in Christ either way, which is also true (though not otherwise emphasized). Waiting on God’s timing is brought up, which I 100% agree with. In spite of what I’m going to say in the next paragraph, I do also feel that Grace’s parents are kind, loving parents, and are motivated by wanting what is best for her.
Here is where I don’t really relate. I can’t say I disagree with the message. I don’t think the model of courtship they are advocating is “wrong” per se. I especially think this model could possibly be a good idea if a young lady is still a teenager, living with parents, and is in a relationship. However, Grace is supposedly a college student. Again, I don’t disagree with her having her father’s guidance in dating/courting. It isn’t “wrong” but I don’t believe it is biblically commanded either. Additionally, it isn't a magic formula for having a perfect relationship. Not every family would want to follow this model. Not every family is equipped to follow it. I was raised to make good decisions and seek God’s will for myself, so that when I was an adult, I would be able to navigate relationships, and stay in God’s will for me with my own relationship with Christ. It seems like Grace’s parents failed to do that for her when she was younger.
I get that Stewart was a bad guy, and Grace was foolish to want to be with him in the beginning. There were a lot of warning signs she chose to ignore. In saying that, I understand her parents’ reservations about him. What I don’t get is why, if Stewart could possibly have been “the one,” as Grace thinks he is at one point, the father doesn’t want her to be “emotionally attached” to him. I can see where being emotionally attached to Stewart would be bad, since he ends up being a bad guy, but it is implied that being emotionally attached to someone you want to marry is a bad thing. I was confused by that. Couples can’t know if they’re right for each other if they don’t get emotionally attached. I would never have wanted to marry a man I wasn’t emotionally attached to. We need to guard our hearts, but we still need to form relationships. That’s a risk we take. We even take that risk in just becoming friends with people and bearing more and more of our heart to them. That's part of life.
I also had a problem with Grace being so obsessed with marriage, and not having any real goals or talents of her own. Her character development is lacking. She is never taught to be the best she can be in Christ by herself. The whole goal of the movie is to get her married off. That is a very dangerous message. Marriage is instituted by God, but it is not the only valid life for a believer. Some are called to be single, and are more effective for the kingdom as single (Matthew 19:12, First Corinthians 7). And even if one is called to be married, he or she should still become the person God created them to be, as an individual. This is not shown in the movie.
Grace never really has to suffer in her waiting for her husband. She gets her heart's desire pretty easily. As someone who had to wait a little longer, I can't relate to that. I have many single friends now who wouldn't relate.
A few things that confused me were: how much time passed? A few days? A month? A year? It is unclear. It seems like Grace went from being heartbroken over Stewart to being in a new relationship with Jared, to being with Clint. It’s like she doesn’t take the time to process. It makes her seem really shallow. Another thing that confuses me is why Grace is friends with Tessa. They don’t seem to share the same values, and Tessa is kind of mean to her.
This movie, made in 2015, comes after years and years of books, conferences, and movements on the subject of purity. I am all for purity (Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. Second Timothy 2:2). However, I feel the purity culture of the 1990’s and 2000’s was harmful to many teenagers and young adults. The intent was good, but all it really did was add a lot of extra-biblical rules to young people’s lives. As Christians, we are to be in-line with scripture and guided by the Holy Spirit in all we do. That includes our romantic relationships. But that doesn’t mean there’s a once-size-fits-all approach. God guides all of our lives differently. He will never guide us to go against the Bible, but He can still guide us differently from each other. There is nowhere in scripture where we are commanded to do courtship the way this movie says. Grace’s father pulls Jeremiah 29:6 out as a “proof” that it is biblical for fathers to find spouses for their daughters, but if you read that whole verse, it says, Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. This passage advises parents to find spouses for both sexes of their children, not just daughters. And the actual teaching of this verse, in context, is about the children of Israel settling in Babylon for the next 70 years. It isn’t a God-given command on how parents are supposed to select their children’s spouses. Trying to make it say that is weak, and poor hermeneutics.
I will add a note about Eric and Leslie Ludy’s book When God Writes Your Love Story (which Grace reads). I read an older edition of that book in the very early 2000’s, when I was in my early 20’s, after a painful break-up. I was really trying to trust and rest in the Lord. That’s how God was leading me at that time. I wanted to follow His plan for my life, not just in dating/marriage, but in all areas, and God was calling me to go deeper with Him. I saw that book at the Christian Bookstore one day, and with the emphasis of the title being God writing one’s love story, I though the book would be encouraging the reader to really let God do it, which was what He was telling me in my life. I ended up being annoyed and disappointed by it. It is basically the authors sharing their story of ending up together as older teenagers. I got the idea of “I didn’t meet my husband until I was seventeen. I’m so glad I waited!” They used their story as a pattern of how relationships should be, and that isn’t right. As I said, God works differently in everyone’s life. We all have our own path to follow—a race marked out for us, if you will (Hebrews 12:1). Other books that did this were Elisabeth Elliot’s Passion and Purity and Joshua Harris’ Boy Meets Girl. These books used the author’s story as the example of what all people need to do, and that is totally unbiblical. I shared this in another post, but if I had Elisabeth Elliot’s story with her husband Jim, I would have decked him before he even got to the point of proposal—and I admire him as a missionary hero, but not as a romantic suitor! Our stories are for us to share so others can glorify God, and know God can work in their lives too, not for people to copy us. That’s all I will say about that one.
I’ll also speak to Grace’s insistence that her future husband has to give her a $12,000 ring. It’s nice to know one’s worth, and to realize that one shouldn’t give oneself away without commitment. But that is a lot of money. There are wonderful, worthy men who don’t have that kind of money for a ring. My wonderful husband and I were pretty broke when he proposed. The day after we got engaged, he got me a place-holder ring from Kmart, about $20. That sufficed until payday, when we went to a jeweler. The silver diamond engagement ring I still wear with my wedding band to this day is beautiful, but it wasn’t $12,000. I wouldn’t have wanted anything even close to that! For our wedding bands, we got stainless steel, which lasts forever, but was very much within our budget. We preferred to use our money wisely, and spend more of it on our honeymoon and future than the ring.
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| Our wedding picture |
I am no feminist, but I disagree with the implication of this movie that a young woman is not capable of making good decisions without her father. I think it’s great if a father wants to help, but the character of Grace was sorely lacking in life skills, such as decision-making. Her walk with the Lord was never really emphasized. No one’s really was. For being a Christian movie, it was a lot more about courtship than Jesus or the Bible.
I’ll close with a few positives. The cinematography and musical score were beautiful. Grace’s parents were sweet, supportive, virtuous people, who, as I said, are truly motivated by wanting God’s best for their daughter. I liked the country feel.
So, you have been warned. Watch this movie at your own risk! There are some sequel films I may or may not watch.
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