Bottom of the Barrel

     "Janelle, please pray with me!"  My dear friend Sonya* (not hear real name) closed her story with this desperate plea.  I held the phone to my ear, taking in ever word of her circumstance.  Sonya is a faithful servant of the Lord, and a close friend of mine.  But she is in a desperate situation, where, if God doesn't intervene, she is in some serious trouble that can alter the trajectory of her life (through no fault of her own).  And so we prayed, as Christians in desperation, Christians in trouble, Christians needing an answer, have done through the ages.  We petitioned the Almighty on Sonya's behalf.  But I am in deep trouble. Rush to my aid, for only you can help and save me. O Lord, don’t delay. (Psalm 70:5, TLB).  

     Sonya is at the bottom of the barrel.  Have you been there?  I have.  In fact, there was a time when I was in that kind of desperation, and only God could help--and He did.  There's something about being in a position where we're more dependent on God.  Hearing Sonya's harrowing plight reminded me of a long-ago challenge another friend unwittingly gave me.  

     I was given a challenge as a very young woman (about twenty years old).  Like Sonya today, I, too was at the bottom of the barrel.  The person giving me this challenge was someone I considered one of my best friends at the time, and she didn't realize she was giving me a challenge at all, especially not one that would become a lifelong quest and obsession.  The conversation with Sonya this week has reignited my passion for this challenge.

     My friend wasn't trying to challenge me all those years ago.  She was faced with a decision, and when sharing with me the logic behind the choice she ended up making, she unknowingly called into question everything I was basing my life upon, and I had to wrestle, and live by faith that I was doing what God had called me to do, waiting years before seeing the fruition.  Until that time, the only confirmation was the inner testimony of the Holy Spirit urging me onward.  

     This long ago friend and I had both made some difficult choices, acting in faith to what we truly believed God led us to do.  These hard choices we made brought us closer for a time.  Only for a time.  These choices we made weren't a matter of sinning or not sinning . It was a matter of specifically obeying God's leading in our lives.  That's where things get hard.  

     There are obvious things that are sins, and we should always avoid sin.  If I am faced with the choice of murdering someone or forgiving them, it's kind of a no-brainer, right? Even if forgiveness over murder is hard to carry out, it is an obvious answer.  But not all decisions are that apparent.  Some things are not defined in the Bible as sin, but they are different than how God is guiding you or me specifically, and would be sin for us in those cases.  An example is Jonah.  God clearly led him to go to Nineveh (Jonah 1:1), and he instead fled from that calling and headed on a boat to Tarshish (Jonah 1:2).  Getting on a boat is not sinful.  Going to Tarshish is not sinful.  Jonah could have justified his actions by pointing out the lack of sinfulness in these things.  And yet he did sin, in that he ran from God's specific directions for him.  He faced God's discipline, mercy, and a second chance.  That's another story.  But my point is, Jonah did sin by disobeying God's specific directions for him, even though the things he technically did couldn't be defined in the scriptures as sins.  

     Jumping from Jonah back to my friend and me as young college girls, this friend ended up going back on her decision and going in the other direction.  Just as our choices had brought us close for a while, her going back on it effectively ended our friendship shortly thereafter.  I was left to question and wrestle with the implications this left me with.  I sought God in His word and in prayer.  I listened to godly leaders I trusted.  But mostly, I clung to the Lord, wanting His presence primarily and His will for me secondarily.

     God leads us individually.  Sometimes we try to follow God's leading, and then realize He is leading differently than we thought.  But in this friend's case, she didn't say any of this.  She basically said that there was no verse in the Bible that condemned what she wanted to do, and that God doesn't really have callings in our lives, and we can do whatever we want, as long as there isn't a verse defining it as sinful. 

     This teaching deeply troubled me when she said it (she was given bad advice by a mentor of hers), and I have heard this belief perpetuated over the years.  A pastor I greatly admire and otherwise agree with, Andrew Farley, preaches this in his book Twisted Scripture.  I love and agree with most of the points he makes in that book, but I disagreed with the implication that believers don't need to seek God when making decisions (such as what job to take, where to move, whom to marry, etc.) because God will meet them on the other side of whatever choice they make (I addressed this in two blog posts Under Grace, May 27, 2019, and Where there's a Will... June 1, 2019).  A more recent book I read, Becoming Free Indeed, by Jinger Duggar Vuolo, also promotes this teaching.  I reviewed that book in this blog on January 31, 2023, if you want to check it out.  I hear this message from others as well, and it is a problem for me.  I wrestled with it for years as a young woman.  A lot of my Christian colleagues at the time seemed to press this, and it was so contrary to what I saw in the Bible, as well as what I was seeing God do in my life (of course, I wanted to line my life up with the Bible--it was the model, my life was not).  

     What a lot of these people do is live by the Bible, which is a good thing, but they focus so much on technically obeying the commands in the Bible that they miss out on knowing the God of the Bible.  Obeying God's word is good, please don't misunderstand me.  But if one's entire walk of faith is just avoiding sin, that's a pretty one-dimensional way to live the Christian life.  There is so much richness in pressing into God, crying out to Him, hearing His voice, and obeying, then seeing the results of your obedience.  God is not an impersonal force, like on Star Wars.  God is real.  He wants a relationship with the people He created.  He went to great lengths to have that relationship made possible.  He longs to envelop people in His love.  

     We make many decisions.  How detailed is God in these decisions?  How deeply should we analyze?  Should you seek the Lord on whether to go to McDonalds or Burger King?  How about on whether to stop at the post office or the grocery store first in your errands?  To be honest, I don't usually pray about those things, but I do believe God is still at work guiding me when I don't even know it.  There have been times I chose to do a certain errand before another, and then avoided a car accident.  Other times, I've chosen one restaurant over another, and got to witness to a waitress God brought my way.  That is God at work.  Even so, I don't agonizingly seek God's will in those nitty gritty decisions.  I just live life in faith, knowing He is working.  But once things start getting bigger than that, I do start really seeking God's will.  The most major life decision (besides salvation) where I sought God with all my heart and soul was marriage, but I have done so in other things too, such as finding the right job, joining the church God was leading me to, and living where I was supposed to live.  God cares about those things, and He wants me to be surrendered to His Lordship in them.  Besides, these things are all gifts, and Every good and perfect gift is from above... (James 1:17).  When I have tried on my own, without God's guidance, I flopped (Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6).  There are so many biblical examples of people seeking and waiting on the Lord, and acting on the faith they had in Him.  One of my favorites in Elijah.  The main bulk of his story (where you can see him wrestling with faith, but still obeying and having victories) can be found in First Kings 17-19 (although he makes a few more appearances, finally exiting the scene in Second Kings 2).  Elijah is one of so many who sought the Lord and waiting on Him in faith.  Why would we think we can just go through life making choices without God's help?  

     I find that it isn't until I'm at the bottom of the barrel, like Sonya, that I realize how important this teaching is, that God is actively involved in our lives, and has a specific will for us, and we need Him so desperately.  Everyone I have ever known who claimed we could just do what we wanted as long as it wasn't sin had it pretty easy when they said it.  None of them were seeking God with all their hearts.  None of them were depending on Him to make it through the day.  None were poor in spirit or heartbroken.  None were hungering or thirsting after God.  They weren't depending on God so greatly that, were He not to come through, all would be lost.  They weren't mourning their brokenness and experiencing His comfort.  In other words, God wasn't their everything.  These people appear to want to direct their own paths.  In the case of my long ago friend, I believe (though I can't know, since I'm not her, nor am I accountable for her choices) that it was the easy way out, to do what she really wanted to do anyway.  The saying is true, you don't know God is all you need until God is all you've got.  When I was bottom of the barrel, God was all I had, and He led me to rich fulfillment, and I believe He is doing the same for Sonya.  Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me. (Psalm 50:15).  you let men ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water; yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance.  (Psalm 66:12).  Being at the bottom of the barrel is a gift, because it brings us closer to Jesus.  We share in His sufferings, and we learn to know Him in ways the comfortable never can.  And when God pulls us out of the pit, even when we are joyful and comfortable again, we never forget the lessons we learned at the bottom, and we carry them with us, additions to who we are.  The greatest thing Sonya and I have learned is that we need God's leadership in our lives, because there is no way without Him!  

     

   

Broad-Minded?

     Christians are sometimes made out to be narrow-minded bigots.  Most of us would say this is an unfair characterization.  Often, those who call others narrow-minded (or some of its cousin insults, such as ignorant) are really just using this assertion against anyone who disagrees with him or her.  It makes the person saying it seem superior, and as if they don't feel they have to explain themselves.  There is often no merit behind an accusation of ignorance or narrow-mindedness.  What is really meant is often, "Don't you dare disagree with me!"  

     The dictionary defines narrow-mindedness as not willing to listen to or tolerate other people's views; prejudiced.  Nobody wants to be seen that way.  Broad-mindedness, on the other hand, is defined as tolerant or liberal in one's views and reactions; not easily offended.  That sounds like a much more rational way to be.  Most people enjoy being around those who are accepting and not easily-offended, right?  I'll return to the definition of liberal in the next paragraph.  Bear with me for a moment.  But to what extent are we to accept views that differ from our own?  Some act as if we need to accept everyone and everything as being valid and right.  That sounds so nice, but it isn't possible.  No one believes in everything, even if they claim they do.  It just isn't feasible.  Every belief is held at the expense of the opposing belief.  If you say you believe in God, you are also saying (though not necessarily in so many words) that you believe atheists are wrong.  If you claim to be an atheist, you are also saying that you think those who believe in God are wrong.  You can't have it both ways.  This is true of all beliefs and those which oppose them.  

     I am going to submit that the word liberal (defined in the dictionary as willing to accept or respect behavior or opinions different from one's own) is not to be confused with the political or religions form of liberalism that constantly discards foundational beliefs and wants progressive beliefs to replace them.  A political or theological Liberal may or may not be openminded.  If they are willing to consider all viewpoints, including a Conservative's, they are a true Liberal.  But usually, like everyone else, a theological or political Liberal is not open to every idea, since they are not open a Conservative's views.  A better name for these people is Progressive, and many have started using this word instead of liberal.  It is a more accurate description than the word liberal.  Like most people, they are open to their own viewpoint and want that worldview to prevail.  By the real definition of liberal, many people from all political and religious views would be considered liberal, since many people are very accepting of those who disagree with them.  That is a good way to be.  To a point, I think it is scriptural.  Jonah had to overcome his prejudices and preach to the Ninevites.  Jesus was loving to tax-collectors, and people caught up in horrible sins, even demoniacs.  The early church had to learn to accept Hellenist Jews and Gentile members.  Acts 10:34 says that God is no respecter of persons.  

     But I repeat, to what extent should we accept other views?  The biblical examples I gave in the last paragraph involved welcoming and loving different people, but did not involve telling them they were right.  In every case, these people were loved and accepted, and brought to know God's truth.  Like all of us, they were required to change their mind.  

     As I already said, every belief is held to the exclusion of opposing beliefs.  Nobody can believe in everything.  Nobody really thinks everything is right or good.  Everyone has a set of ethics they go by to determine right from wrong.  As Christians, we should form these ethics on God's unchanging Word.  We should never, ever compromise what God has said in the Bible.  It is the final word.  Sometimes, this requires us to change long-held or traditional beliefs, because they are not scriptural.  Other times, it means holding fast to what we have always known in the face of a changing culture.  The Bible is the guide, not our traditions of the past, our culture of the present, nor the prediction of the future.  Isaiah 40:8 says,  The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.  Psalm 119:89 says, Forever, O LORD, Your word is settled in heaven.

     Is there a way to be openminded without compromising the truth?  How can we be broadminded without compromise?  How do we be accepting of people without accepting ideas that contradict the Bible?  Here are a few thoughts.

1) Know your audience.  Read up on what a certain position teaches and believes.  Don't go by hearsay or prejudices, but find out what they actually believe.  If you really don't know, ask them.  They will feel respected by your asking, and that can lead the way to a productive conversation.  In fact, even if you have studied up on it, ask them anyway.  People are not all the same, and even those with the same philosophies might apply them differently.  

2) Put yourself in their shoes.  So many people of various beliefs and worldviews make the mistake of assuming everyone arrives at conclusions the same way they, themselves have, and then go on to make terrible assumptions about other people's character and motive.  Here is an example.  During Covid, some people held that this was a serious, deadly disease, and that the most loving thing a person could do was to stay home and wear a mask if he or she had to go out in public.  Some who held this view assumed everyone else also believed it was deadly, but just didn't care if they endangered others if they didn't stay home or wear a mask.  This led to seeing others as hateful and uncaring.  In reality, those who didn't feel the need to stay home or wear masks were not being hateful at all.  They didn't believe the same thing about the pandemic.  Many did not believe the danger was as severe as portrayed by the news, and considered going out to be a reasonable risk, just like people do during normal flu season.  Hate had no part in their logic, but it was falsely accredited to them.  On the flip side, people who viewed masks and staying at home as excessive and unnecessary often viewed those who chose to do these things as a puppet to the fear-mongering media, and maybe even assumed things about the person's faith or politics, when these people really did believe in the imminence of the danger and were trying to be careful (some even had autoimmune diseases and had to be more careful).  To share another example, I had a friend who used to call other religions outside of Christianity "stupid," and that is a very disrespectful way to talk about someone else's beliefs.  Try to think outside yourself a little bit.  The Apostle Paul did when he preached at Athens in Acts 17.  He got into their culture, using references around them that they revered and knew, and then led them to the truth of Christ.  Putting yourself in someone else's shoes and understanding their beliefs doesn't mean you think they are right, but you should try to understand the logic behind them.  I have engaged with many people online who hold different beliefs than I do, both theologically and politically, and never once have I had someone politely say, "Wow, I disagree with you.  Let's talk about it.  How did you come by your conclusion?"  Instead, I've had people level insults and even dirty statements at me for daring to disagree with them.  Not mature, and not a way to get people on your side.  

3) Assume the best.  People often demonize those with views that oppose their own.  They think of them as stupid or cruel.  It is important we recognize there are beautiful, talented, nice and smart people who believe differently than you do, and many have arrived at their conclusions honestly.  That deserves respect, even if we disagree with them.  You will never win people over to your viewpoint if you treat them as if they're stupid or evil for not agreeing with you to begin with.  Worse, don't conclude these people are not worth your time or consideration.  Jesus came to save people who weren't giving Him the time of day, and He still considered it worth it (...while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 ).  

4) Find out about their journey.  Ask people how they arrived at their conclusions.  Listen to them.  If nothing else, this buys you time to consider your response.  Ask clarifying questions.  Make eye contact, and listen politely.  This will go a long way in earning their respect, and also earning your own right to share.

5) Affirm their experiences (there is a major caveat, so keep reading!).  I am not suggesting you say that their experiences and conclusions are indicators of the truth, or that you agree with them.  I am saying to affirm their real, heartfelt, life experiences.  You can disagree with what they did as a result of those experiences, and we'll get to that, but don't deny the reality of what they experienced and felt.  Show compassion.  Sometimes, people really face hard, hurtful situations that lead them to conclude as they have.  How would you handle it?  Can you at least understand how they came to the conclusions they have?  This is another aspect of putting yourself in their shoes.  Show compassion and respect for what they share.  

6) After hearing their whole story, as kindly as you can, tell them that you don't question their experience, but that you reserve the right to question the way they interpreted the experience (this is what Henry Blackaby, author of Experiencing God says when people disagree with him and say, "Well I don't care what you say!  I've experienced this!").  The very best thing from here is to ask thought-provoking questions to get them thinking.   Share what you have found to be the truth (from God's word, ideally).  Don't make it seem like a simple thing.  It isn't simple at all.  A lot is involved.  For example, if someone you are talking to is involved in a sinful relationship, don't just say, "Well, that's bad.  You shouldn't do that anymore."  These are issues God will have to help them navigate.  The Holy Spirit will have to work in them.  You're just planting seeds.  

7) Don't expect them to change their view.  Changing one's view isn't some quick, easy thing.  God has to do it in them.  Philippians 2:13 says, for it is God who is at work in you, both to desire and to work for His good pleasure.  

8) Leave them with a blessing.  Close your interaction with a kind word.  Humility and kindness go a lot further into their hearts than dogmatism.  It can just be something as basic as, "I've enjoyed our conversation.  Thank you for sharing with me."  You could add, "I'll be praying for you," if you think it will be taken in the right way, not a barb against them.  

Finally, 9) Pray for them after the fact.  Prayer is a way you can always reach someone, even if you have no further contact with them.  

     Be as kind as you can.  Be open to understanding someone else's views.  Listen to their stories.  Be open to seeing why they chose as they have.  That is being broadminded in a good way.  However, in the end, we need to realize that the truth is narrow.  We want to be open and accepting, but we ultimately must stick to God's narrow way.  Jesus Himself said in Matthew 7: 13-14, Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.  If holding to this truth makes us narrow-minded in the world's eyes, so be it.  People whose beliefs oppose yours aren't compromising their beliefs for you.  Don't compromise the truth for them or for anyone else.  I'll close with Paul's words to the church in Philippi, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain. (Philippians 2:16).

Doing Unto Others

      So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. (Matthew 7:12).  Do to others as you would have them do to you. (Luke 6:31).  Most of us are familiar with these verses.  The idea of doing unto others as you would have them do to you is often referred to as the Golden Rule.  Even people who don't believe in the Bible often know the Golden Rule, and partly because other philosophers throughout history have also promoted this idea, some even before Christ said it.  And yet Jesus still said these words "sum up the Law and the Prophets."  

     On a basic level, doing unto others is very practical.  I don't want someone ridiculing me, so I shouldn't publicly ridicule someone else.  I don't want someone sharing my private business, so I shouldn't share theirs.  I want people to respect my property, so I should respect theirs.  Sounds simple.  And it is, to a point.  However, what happens when you want to be more creative with your doing unto others?  

     There are basic things all people need and appreciate, and you can "do unto others" with these tings, but when you start getting more specific, what you'd want to have done for you might not be what someone else would want.  

     Years ago when I was working at the YMCA, I had a coworker who was very difficult for me to relate to.  We were on very different wavelengths.  But I wanted to be kind.  Her birthday was coming up, and I decided to do something special for her.  I got her a card and had all the children in the YMCA sign it.  I got her a gift card to her favorite restaurant.  I found out her favorite candy bar and included that in the gift.  I had everyone hide and jump out and surprise her, and we presented her with the card, gift card, and candy bar.  I wasn't expecting us to suddenly become best friends, but I was expecting her to at least be happy her birthday had been remembered.  A part of me hoped it would melt a little bit of the ice between us as well.  Instead, she just stared deadpan and had no reaction at all.  As soon as it was over, she acted like nothing had happened and told the children to get to their homework.  The children had been so excited, and they were a little hurt by her lack of reaction.  I was shocked someone could be that ungracious...but from her side, we had embarrassed her.  She was very private about her birthday.  In her mind, we had crossed a line.  That wasn't our goal at all.  I don't like to be embarrassed or a huge deal to be made, but I do appreciate acknowledgement, so I was "doing unto others" by acknowledging her birthday with something special.  It would have been a blessing to me, but it wasn't a blessing to her.  

     Sometimes, we run into that.  Something you appreciate and would be blessed by might not have the same effect on the person you are trying to be kind to.  We are all so different.  There isn't a one-size-fits-all approach to encouraging someone.  So how do we really apply the biblical principle of doing unto others?  

     First of all, on a practical level, know your audience.  That isn't always possible, but do your best to know who this person is, and how they might receive your good intentions.  

     Second, and much more importantly, seek the Lord.  God knows all people inside and out.  He created their inmost being (Psalm 139:13).  He knows what would minister to that person.  He knows what would be best.  Let God lead and guide.  

     Third, let God fill you with His love for that person, and then extend it.  Our own human love fails, but God's never does.  James 2:8 calls this the "royal law" If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well.  Sometimes, that might mean just praying for someone.  It might mean saying a kind word.  Or it might mean not saying anything at all.  Let God work in you and in the other person.  Don't worry about the results.  God can handle all of that.  You might not see the results in your lifetime.  But keep doing good out of a pure heart of love for God.  

     The kind of love we are commanded to have for others isn't necessarily friendship (though it's nice when that happens), but simply desiring another's highest good, regardless of what's in it for us.  That is so hard.  I believe my heart was mostly pure in planning the birthday surprise for my coworker, but a small part of me hoped it would improve our icy relationship.  That small part of the motive was sort of a "what's in it for me?" idea.  I've had to come to a place where I let go of what I hope happens, simply saying, "That would be nice" but knowing it might not be the case.  I need to just let God's love fill me, and follow His directions in my interactions with others.  I don't always get it right.  A book on the subject of being a conduit of God's love toward others (which I highly recommend) is The Way of Agape, by Nancy Missler.  You can view it (and possibly choose to purchase) here.

     I have asked God for His love for others many times, and never, ever have I gotten a No response from Him on that.  He always supplies me with His love for the person in question.  Fulfilling the golden rule, and the royal law, can be daunting, but God helps His children do what is right!  To get busy doing unto others, get busy seeking the Lord.