So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. (Matthew 7:12). Do to others as you would have them do to you. (Luke 6:31). Most of us are familiar with these verses. The idea of doing unto others as you would have them do to you is often referred to as the Golden Rule. Even people who don't believe in the Bible often know the Golden Rule, and partly because other philosophers throughout history have also promoted this idea, some even before Christ said it. And yet Jesus still said these words "sum up the Law and the Prophets."
On a basic level, doing unto others is very practical. I don't want someone ridiculing me, so I shouldn't publicly ridicule someone else. I don't want someone sharing my private business, so I shouldn't share theirs. I want people to respect my property, so I should respect theirs. Sounds simple. And it is, to a point. However, what happens when you want to be more creative with your doing unto others?
There are basic things all people need and appreciate, and you can "do unto others" with these tings, but when you start getting more specific, what you'd want to have done for you might not be what someone else would want.
Years ago when I was working at the YMCA, I had a coworker who was very difficult for me to relate to. We were on very different wavelengths. But I wanted to be kind. Her birthday was coming up, and I decided to do something special for her. I got her a card and had all the children in the YMCA sign it. I got her a gift card to her favorite restaurant. I found out her favorite candy bar and included that in the gift. I had everyone hide and jump out and surprise her, and we presented her with the card, gift card, and candy bar. I wasn't expecting us to suddenly become best friends, but I was expecting her to at least be happy her birthday had been remembered. A part of me hoped it would melt a little bit of the ice between us as well. Instead, she just stared deadpan and had no reaction at all. As soon as it was over, she acted like nothing had happened and told the children to get to their homework. The children had been so excited, and they were a little hurt by her lack of reaction. I was shocked someone could be that ungracious...but from her side, we had embarrassed her. She was very private about her birthday. In her mind, we had crossed a line. That wasn't our goal at all. I don't like to be embarrassed or a huge deal to be made, but I do appreciate acknowledgement, so I was "doing unto others" by acknowledging her birthday with something special. It would have been a blessing to me, but it wasn't a blessing to her.
Sometimes, we run into that. Something you appreciate and would be blessed by might not have the same effect on the person you are trying to be kind to. We are all so different. There isn't a one-size-fits-all approach to encouraging someone. So how do we really apply the biblical principle of doing unto others?
First of all, on a practical level, know your audience. That isn't always possible, but do your best to know who this person is, and how they might receive your good intentions.
Second, and much more importantly, seek the Lord. God knows all people inside and out. He created their inmost being (Psalm 139:13). He knows what would minister to that person. He knows what would be best. Let God lead and guide.
Third, let God fill you with His love for that person, and then extend it. Our own human love fails, but God's never does. James 2:8 calls this the "royal law" If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well. Sometimes, that might mean just praying for someone. It might mean saying a kind word. Or it might mean not saying anything at all. Let God work in you and in the other person. Don't worry about the results. God can handle all of that. You might not see the results in your lifetime. But keep doing good out of a pure heart of love for God.
The kind of love we are commanded to have for others isn't necessarily friendship (though it's nice when that happens), but simply desiring another's highest good, regardless of what's in it for us. That is so hard. I believe my heart was mostly pure in planning the birthday surprise for my coworker, but a small part of me hoped it would improve our icy relationship. That small part of the motive was sort of a "what's in it for me?" idea. I've had to come to a place where I let go of what I hope happens, simply saying, "That would be nice" but knowing it might not be the case. I need to just let God's love fill me, and follow His directions in my interactions with others. I don't always get it right. A book on the subject of being a conduit of God's love toward others (which I highly recommend) is The Way of Agape, by Nancy Missler. You can view it (and possibly choose to purchase) here.
I have asked God for His love for others many times, and never, ever have I gotten a No response from Him on that. He always supplies me with His love for the person in question. Fulfilling the golden rule, and the royal law, can be daunting, but God helps His children do what is right! To get busy doing unto others, get busy seeking the Lord.
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