Praying for Demas

      This is an entirely hypothetical story, but imagine the Apostle Peter gets a letter from his good old friend Thaddeus (or Simon the Zealot, or one of the other original disciples).  It's been so long!  He excitedly opens the letter, to receive a message that this close friend, with whom Peter learned under Jesus, and served mightily, and witnessed the greatest miracles in history, is no longer following Christ.  History records that all the disciples besides John died for the faith, so we know this isn't a true scenario, but supposing this happened, how would Peter feel to receive such a letter from such a dear friend with whom he'd shard so much?  He would be devastated.  His heart would be ripped out of his chest.  His mind would go back to those precious days when they sat under Jesus, learning from Him, only coming to know Him for real after the Resurrection.  After that, they were even more resolved!  They shared precious memories, probably inside jokes between them, and maybe some petty exchanges everyone would rather forget.  They were true Christian friends, with a bond nothing short of Heaven could improve on.  How would Peter suddenly feel to have one of these dear friends confide that he no longer serves Christ?  

     This year, I have had two very dear friends (I'll call them Shari* and Lisa*) I have served the Lord with in the past confide that they no longer follow Christ or believe in Christianity.  I just think of all the spiritual victories these friends and I won together.  I think of a time Shari and I were doing evangelism in a large Midwestern city, a rough part of town.  While I shared the Gospel with some boys, Shari prayed silently, keeping distractions at bay.  About halfway through my sharing, something like gunshots sounded, scaring me to death.  Shari pleaded with the Almighty to stop the noise, and keep it from distracting from the Gospel presentation.  It turned out someone was playing with firecrackers, and God answered Shari's prayer, because it stopped before I got to the invitation.  After these boys came to the Lord, Shari and I embraced, feeling we had fought a real battle.  I think of Lisa and me serving together as teenagers, and becoming ministry leaders as young women.  I think of all the wise and encouraging things she has said to me over the years.  I think of the times both of these friends have prayed with me, and served with me.  We encountered Jesus in real, deep ways together.  Ways that were so real I could never deny it was Him.  We experienced joy--real joy--prelude to Heaven joy.  And yet...somehow, they walked away from that.  Lisa even confessed to me that she had been avoiding me because she didn't want to talk about it with me, and said we don't have anything in common now.  Uncertain what to say, I told her that I was open to hearing about all she had been through, but no pressure.  After that, I told her, "You know who I am, and where I stand, so I'll leave it in your court if you choose to keep in touch, but know I'll always care about you and value you."  I didn't know what else to say.  Afterwards, I was left wondering if I said too much, or too little, or if I had left the door wide-enough open, or too widely-open.  

     Shari's confession was a few months ago, and saddened me.  Lisa's was just this week, and now both of them are hitting me.  How do we deal with dear Christian friends who leave the faith?  Does the Bible address this?  

     Theologically, there are a few positions.  Some Christians, whom I love and respect very much, but disagree with, site Hebrews 6:4-6 as evidence that a believer can forfeit his salvation and become unsaved again.  I have addressed this a lot more in-depth in other posts, and this isn't my main point today, but I believe in the eternal security of the Christian, as I see it as much more consistent with the entirety of scripture.  A verse we teach the children in our ministry is Hebrews 13:5b, ....I will never leave you nor forsake you.  We are sealed with the Spirit (Ephesians 1:3).  No one can pluck us out of Jesus hand, or the Father's hand (John 10:28-29).  Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ (Romans 8:38-39).  If we are faithless, He remains faithful (Second Timothy 2:13).  He will continue the good work He began in us (Philippians 1:6).  He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1:4).  Jesus is interceding for us (Romans 8:34).  We also know there are saved individuals who will be in Heaven, but won't have any rewards, because they didn't follow Christ fully (First Corinthians 3:10-15).  There are also those who were never saved to begin with (Matthew 7:23).  It's a lot to wade through theologically.  We don't always know where our friends are at when they claim to no longer believe.

     So, aside from the theological aspect of our backsliding friends' eternal salvation, how are we supposed to feel about these kinds of losses?  To be honest, I feel almost a sense of rejection.  But even as this feeling comes to me, I am reminded of what God said to Samuel in First Samuel 8:7, when the people demanded a king, because they have not rejected you, but they have rejected Me.  This isn't personal toward me, and I never thought it was.  It is toward the Lord, and that is why it hurts so much.  Psalm 42:4 comes to mind, When I remember these things, I pour out my soul in me: for I had gone with the multitude, I went with them to the house of God, with the voice of joy and praise, with a multitude that kept holyday.  That is how I feel about friends like Shari and Lisa (and others as well).  We went to God's house together.  We worshipped the Lord together.  We did battle together.  We saw victories together.  We laughed and cried together, and made very precious memories that are part of my spiritual journey, and very special to me.  Particularly with Lisa, all I could think was, "I never thought it would be you!"  

     I started with the hypothetical question of how Peter would feel if one of his fellow disciples walked away.  Well, one of them did.  Judas.  I wonder if they grieved that loss?  Since Judas never saw the real reason for Christ coming, and didn't serve after the resurrection with them, it might not have been as hard, but I'm sure there was a sense of betrayal (not just for Jesus, but for the other disciples).  We don't know how Peter reacted to this, or how he would have reacted to one of the other disciples in the imagined (and thankfully untrue) scenario I began with, but we do know how the Apostle Paul would address it, because he did.  

     In Colossians 4:14, Paul mentions Demas, and merely says that he sends greetings.  We don't know a whole lot about this Demas, except that he was part of the early church.  He served with Paul in some way.  Demas is also mentioned in the closing of Philemon, listing Demas as one sending greetings (among some others).  Later, in Second Timothy 4:10, shortly before Paul's death, he tells Timothy, For Demas, in love with this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessalonica... This verse always makes me want to weep, and more so after these two friends' confessions to me.  I'm sure Paul was grieved.  If he discipled Demas, he may have asked himself, "What did I do wrong?" even if he didn't do anything wrong.  If he was more of an "equal" with Demas, like I was with Shari and Lisa, maybe he replayed again and again in his mind all the times they served together, the victories they won, how real it all seemed to Demas then, and wondered how it all changed for him?  Maybe Demas' love of this world was shallow and materialistic.  Or maybe he struggled deeply with the persecution and difficulties of ministry, and just broke down and left for a while.  Maybe he had a real crisis.  We just don't know.  I hope he came back to a close walk with Christ before his death, and started storing up treasures in Heaven again.  One commentary I read suggested that Philemon may have been written after Second Timothy, and the reference to him there means that Demas was restored.  This does not gel with most commentators on the Pauline epistles, who firmly say Second Timothy was Paul's final letter, but it would be encouraging to think this.  

     What about our own personal Demases?  I know many more than just Shari and Lisa, though those two are some of the most intense relationships that this happened with.  What do we do for them?  We pray!  We fight for them on our knees as fervently as we fought with them in the spiritual battles of the past.  We are to love our fellow laborers to the end, just as Jesus did (John 13:1).  We should never give up.  We should never underestimate the power of the Holy Spirit.  While chasing them down probably isn't the most effective way to bring them back, being available can go a long way.  If these friends want to talk and share, listen to them.  Show compassion.  Validate their experiences without validating the conclusions they have drawn.  Whatever they've been through is very real, even if the choices they made as a result were wrong.  Try to understand, but never compromise on the truth.  God's word is the truth we stand on, and we can let our friends know that's where we stand, even as we love and listen.  

     Finally, we keep on running our own race.  I love Shari and Lisa, but their troubles can't stop me from doing as I've been called to do.  I can grieve.  I can cry out to God on their behalf.  But I can't stop running my own race.  We keep running!  That's what Paul did.  I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.  All that joy I experienced serving Christ and winning spiritual battles wasn't from Shari, Lisa or any other mortal.  It was Christ in His glory, and we will see that infinity-fold in Heaven.  That's why we do what we do!  Keep running your race today!  But pray for Demas as you do.  

Destroyed By The Truth?

      Imagine a powerful ministry, being used of the Lord to bring people to Christ and do a lot of good in the world.  A real work of God is happening.  Lives, families, even whole communities and nations are being changed for Christ.  But then imagine that you happen to become aware that some of the key people in this ministry are abusive to their families behind closed doors, and are handling small matters in unbiblical ways within their ministry--ways the general public doesn't see.  What do you do?  If you speak out, you could bring these people down, and that could cause people to question the validity of Christianity altogether.  It could end this powerful ministry that is reaching so many.  Wouldn't it be better to just keep quiet and let God deal with it?  Can the truth ever bring down God's work?

     This is a question posed in the newly published book, I Didn't Survive, by Naghmeh Abedini Panahi.  Naghmeh shares her story--that of a young Islamic girl coming to America from Iran at age 9 and meeting Jesus Christ.  Amidst the persecution from her Islamic parents, Naghmeh continued in her Christian faith through her teen years, joyfully seeing her parents eventually saved as well.  From then, Naghmeh pursued ministry back in Iran.  This godly, ministry-minded woman met a magnetic Christian leader, and they were drawn to each other through a shared burden for evangelism, as well as mutual attraction.  Naghmeh recounts her marriage to a man hailed by many as a Christian hero, Saeed Abedini.  Their marriage started in Iran, but due to persecution, they worried about endangering the house church members they were leading, so they opted to move to the US (Naghmeh was an American citizen, and Saeed eventually became one too).  They settled in Boise, Idaho, where they ministered in person, as well as continued to serve the Iranian Christians online.  All appeared to be well on the outside. 

      Behind closed doors, Saeed was a very different man.  Neghmeh endured physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual abuse.  Saeed's violence even got him in trouble with the law in the US a few times.  Naghmeh relayed an experience where Saeed grew enraged when she disagreed with him, and he almost killed her.  She called the police, and he was taken away.  Another time, he started beating Naghmeh's father and broke his nose.  Their family tried not to press charges, and to minimize it.  Saeed also sowed discord in his ministry relationships the longer people worked with him.  His difficult personality was coming out to more and more people.  Yet still, by and large, people who only saw his public persona admired his devotion to the Gospel.  In 2012, Saeed was back in Iran doing some ministry, while Naghmeh and their two children were back in Boise.  Saeed was arrested and imprisoned for several years.  This was the beginning of Naghmeh's change in direction.  To this day, Naghmeh is still a godly, Bible-following, Jesus-loving Christian, but now, has extra discernment to help others being wounded by spiritual abuse.  

     I personally became aware of Saeed early on in his prison time.  He was being hailed as a Christian hero for the faith, and my heart went out to him and his family.  I clearly recall seeing a poster at a church at which I helped with their Vacation Bible School.  This poster said #FreeSaeed, and had a picture of Saeed and his family together on vacation at Disneyland.  I imagined them to be a happy, loving family, and him to be an amazing minister of the Gospel.  

     While it is true that his wife worked tirelessly to see him freed, she was brokenhearted in the direction of their marriage.  What no one knew until later was that Saeed had been very unfaithful, and even at the time of his arrest, he was in an adulterous affair.  Hours before his arrest, Naghmeh found out about his latest tryst, and confronted him over the phone, but he just told her she was crazy and needed help.  Only a few hours later, he was arrested.

     In spite of his sins, he was still arrested for the sake of Christ, and that itself shouldn't be diminished, but he was doing very wrong things to his family at the same time.  As Naghmeh worked toward his release, meeting with important heads of state and speaking at churches all over the nation, she grew in her own Christian confidence.  She had been told how worthless she was by Saeed over and over, and to have people be so kind and encouraging made her come out of her shell a little.  She recounts very positive and uplifting meetings with both then-President Obama and future-President Trump.  Both men were kind and assuring to her, and put forth effort to help free Saeed.  She met with many other nations' leaders, and had some incredible stories to share.  Her heart warmed to the godly love she was being shown by brothers and sisters in Christ.  She also had access to Saeed, who had a contraband phone in prison.  For a while their talks were good, and they seemed to be drawing close to each other and to God.  But over time, as it became clear Saeed wasn't going to be executed, he began to see himself as pretty important, and the real Saeed resurfaced, becoming mean and abusive again.  He expected to have the life of a celebrity Christian when he came out of prison.  He envisioned living in a mansion and owning a private jet.  All while this was going on, Naghmeh found that he was watching homoeratic porn on his phone in prison.  This wasn't a godly man who was struggling with this and wanting to break free.  This was someone totally unrepentant.  His double-mindedness was maddening.  He became verbally abusive to her again, calling her a whore and other names, and telling her that no one was applauding her when she spoke or gave talks, but they were really applauding him, and that her worth came form him.  He then threatened to divorce her, and he told her everyone would hate her then.  This was the man so many of us were viewing as a Christian hero and wonderful family man.  

     Finally, Naghmeh had had enough, and told him that if he couldn't talk nicely to her, then he shouldn't call her.  He hung up, and that was basically the last time they talked.  

     Naghmeh finally confided in a pastor (who also happened to be a psychologist) about what was going on, and he helped her to see she was being abused.  She was able to start working through all she had been through.  She confided in a few friends, but the information was leaked to the press.  The people who had supported her and sung her praises suddenly felt uncomfortable with her, and didn't want to address the abuse.  A few Christian leaders asked her to take it back, saying she should claim that she was under stress, or mentally unstable, and hadn't known what she was saying.  But she refused.  She wasn't unstable.  She was in her right mind.  Saeed was, of course, furious his character had been revealed to the public, and the facade had begun to crumble.  Surprisingly, he was freed a short time after this, and, with the advice of others and by God's guidance, Naghmeh got a protection order against him.  Even when well-known and well-meaning leaders tried to get her to allow him back around her and their children, she held her ground.  She wanted restoration.  She didn't want a divorce.  But she had one requirement. Saeed had to go to counseling for his abuse, and once he did that, she was willing to work on their marriage as a couple.  Her boundary was criticized by Franklin Graham, who wanted to minimize the abuse.  Fortunately, Naghmeh's pastor was present for this meeting, and he made Franklin hear Naghmeh out.  The bottom line was, Saeed never got the counseling, and instead filed for divorce against Naghmeh.  She was awarded full custody of their children.  

     After all of this, some Christians didn't want much to do with her.  They liked her as the supportive wife of a martyr, but not as a single mother/abuse survivor.  Many would have preferred she let the facade remain, and kept quiet about Saeed's abuse, and even remained in abusive situations.  

     All through her marriage, Naghmeh had tried to get help, but hadn't known how to explain it.  The advice she had gotten was advice that, between normal spouses having a quarrel, would be right and good, but not in real abuse.  She applied advice that really didn't fit, and allowed him to continue harming her and others.  She didn't know better.  This begs the question, why are Christians often unequipped to help those being hurt and abused--not just in marriages, but in churches as a whole?  Is opening up--the way Naghmeh did--the right thing to do?  

     The short answer is, the truth sets us free (John 8:32), and telling the truth can never bring down God's word or work.  Keeping quiet about abuse is never the right thing to do.  It might seem like the merciful thing to let the abuser off the hook, but not only is that wrong toward the victims, but it allows the abuser to continue hurting even more people.  

    Sometimes beautiful works of God coexist with abusive people in them.  Why is that?  I believe the answer can be found in the Parable of the Wheat and the Tares, which Jesus told in Matthew 13:24-30.  This parable talks about how the enemy sowed tares among some wheat a man had grown in his field.  As the wheat grew, so did the tares.  The man's servants asked if he wanted them to just pull the tares out, but the man said not to do this, because it could cause some damage.  In verse 30, he gave the solution, Let both grow together until the harvest, and at the time of harvest I will say to the reapers, “First gather together the tares and bind them in bundles to burn them, but gather the wheat into my barn.”  God will eventually deal with wrongdoing in ministries, but it isn't always immediate.  This does not mean that God condones it.  He will repay.  And if we discover evil, we should address it.  Sometimes, people being caught and reported are part of God's way of dealing with those tares.  This passage explains why we sometimes find wonderful works of the Lord riddled with bad people doing harm.  It doesn't diminish the good, nor does it excuse the bad.

     I haven't been in Naghmeh's place exactly, but I have experienced spiritual abuse from leaders I should have been able to trust.  A lot of this happened when I was a young woman, some as young as fourteen.  As a college student, I experienced abuse on a mission trip.  The president of that ministry eventually issued me an official apology for what happened, and that means a lot to me.  When I have seen people praising those who hurt me or my family, it has made me feel crazy inside.  One particular person who hurt me was honored and featured in a Christian periodical, and that made me feel invalidated and invisible.  Yet God sees, and knows the truth.  A scripture Naghmeh shared that really struck a chord in me was Matthew 25, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did to me.  Those who wound others, even if they are praised by others, have hurt Jesus Himself, and He will repay.  He will comfort the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds (Psalm 147:3).  

     That is all encouraging, but what can we do on a practical level?  How can we prevent and stop abuse?  1) We can be accountable, and keep accountabilities in place for all participants in our ministries.  No exceptions, not even for the head honcho of the ministry.  2) We can be real, and share, and build trust within our ministry.  Open communication is vital.  3) We can listen.  We must listen.  Sometimes, people are led to share something that isn't popular (such as, "Something abusive is going on here"), but we need to listen.  We can't just tell the person to get with the program and make them be positive again.  We need to encourage a culture of being open and real, and of listening and hearing each other.  

     The most important thing we can do is keep in step with the Spirit, hearing His voice, and letting Him lead.  Ask Him to open your eyes to the truth, and adjust accordingly 

You can view and order Nahgmeh's book here.

Means of His Grace

     A quote I read long ago (and am unable to find, and therefore can't properly accredit, or even use the exact words) said, God will often use the object of your greatest resistance as a means of His grace.  This is encouraging, and is biblically validated.  Romans 8:28 (which happens to be my life verse) says, And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.  God can use anything, but it is most amazing to me (and probably most of us) when God uses something we didn't want, or that was difficult for us.  I can think of a special example.

     I grew up at a unique time, in that my childhood and teen years were all within the 20th century.  Even though I was an 80s kid and a 90s teen, the things we had were probably more similar to things children and youth in the 50's had than to things kids just ten years younger than me had (we had VCR's, and our telephones had answering machines, but those are the only big things I could think of we had that my parent's generation hadn't).  Technology made extremely fast advances when I was a college student in my early 20's.  TV commercials used to have an 800 number at the bottom of the screen to call, and suddenly, this started being accompanied by a website.  People asked each other for their email addresses.  I was reeling from the rapid changes.  And yet still, most of my college years, we used pay phones. I remember as a teenager always having a quarter in my pocket in case I needed to make a call, and by the time I was a college student I carried calling cards with me, especially on mission trips I took.  Anyone remember calling cards?  I never left home without them!

    In the years that followed (more in my later 20's), cell phones advanced to become something we would never have imagined.  Social media became commonly used when I was in my late 20's as well.  Communication had changed so much from my simple childhood and teen years.  I kind of felt threatened and overwhelmed by too many fast changes.  I didn't feel safe or comfortable, and I worried I'd make some faux pas with this new way of interacting.  Really, that was a social anxiety problem, not a technology problem.  

     On a deeper level, what bothered me about this technology was that it seemed to contribute to friendships becoming unhealthy and enmeshed.  When cell phones first became affordable to use (remember when they first came out, you only used them for emergencies, and they cost a fortune), I couldn't spend even a few minutes with a friend without their cell phone ringing.  It seemed like everything suddenly became urgent, and people lost their ability to patiently wait.  It also seemed as if people valued the person on the phone more than the person in front of them.  I had one friend visit me from out of state, and she spent 90% of her time talking on her cell phone with people back home and ignoring me (even though she had spent money to fly out and visit).  I was really hurt by this, and felt really rejected.  It felt like cell phones had normalized rudeness.

     To be fair, I feel that now, with the technology being less of a novelty, people seem to have healthier boundaries than they used to with their phones.  People seem more able to ignore calls and call the person back later.  It's more like it used to be when your home phone rang when you had company.  You could ignore it and get back to the person later.  But back in my late 20's, I felt cell phone destroyed relationships a lot more than they brought people together.  I was anti-cell, anti-social-media.  

We still have a landline phone to this day, in addition to our cell phones.  This is actually the wall phone we've had all our married lives (though we've had a few different numbers this phone was connected to). 

     It took some time and healing, but I have seen how much God has blessed me through technology.  I have been able to make friends with Christians all over the earth.  Every week, I monitor a prayer line, and I get to talk to Christians all over this nation and the world.  I have made lasting friendships with people in Africa, Australia, Canada, and many US states.  With the ability to video chat and call over Facebook messenger, I can touch base with Christian friends without spending a dime!  I wish I could go back in time to my teenage self in the 90s and say, "Hey, in thirty years, you'll have Christian friends all over the world, and you'll call each other for free all the time!"  I woudln't have believed such a blessing could be possible!  It's all in how you use it.  God used that resistance to become a means of His grace.  

     Years ago, in 2009, I faced a scary spiritual warfare situation.  It was the middle of the night, and a student I was mentoring called me, sharing that a friend who was spending the night at her house was manifesting a demon.  I went over to pray with them, but I felt I needed other Christians praying for me.  However, no one in the US that I knew would have been awake.  I didn't think it was fair for other people to lose sleep over this, so I prayed that night/early morning, "Lord, if there is anyone on earth who knows me and is awake, cause them to pray for me right now!"  I later found out a missionary friend in Thailand had felt led to pray for me then.  But now, with this technology, I can contact people directly.  We recently faced another midnight ministry crisis, and we got on messenger and told our friend in Australia.  She was awake (it was daytime there), and got the message right away.  She got her pastor's wife praying for us!  See how the technology helped in ways we never would have imagined?  

     My husband was recently hospitalized.  Visiting hours last most of the day, but there is still a limit, and it was hard bringing our three-year-old in.  It was such a blessing that Walter and I were able to video chat a lot.  That kept us more deeply connected during that trial of a week.  

A screenshot of Walter and me talking on Facebook messenger while he was hospitalized.  Tommy and I visited him every day, but spent far more time on video chat.  

     Another thing technology has done is connect people to ministries.  When I was growing up, my dad used to marvel that, years earlier, people had to wait for a revival to come to the town to hear any other preachers besides their own, but by then (in the 20th century) with the radio, you could listen to biblical preachers all over the country!  Well, today, we can take that even further.  With podcasts and church websites posting their sermons, you can listen to anything online!  My friend in Australia and I have enjoyed listening to each other's churches online.  Ministries are so much more accessible.  I have even gotten to witness to people I didn't know online.  It really is amazing.  Jesus said, And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.  (Matthew 24:14).  Technology has certainly made that easier!  

     Technology has also helped people feel less isolated.  I know I used to feel I was the only one who believed as I did, because I would hear news commentators and public figures making claims that I found wrong or unbiblical.  Now, the average person has a platform, and we can't be bullied by the media anymore.  We can easily connect with those who share our beliefs, and often find ourselves in the majority, when others would try to make us feel the opposite.  That is a very, very good thing.  

     Technology can never take the place of personal relationships.  If it aids relationships, it is a good thing, but some people put too much stock in technology.  A church I knew of in my hometown (not my church) felt that kids would only want to be there if their program was high tech.  What they didn't realize was that children born in this 21st century aren't impressed by computers and technology.  Thats all commonplace to them.  This church got a whole computerized and video Sunday school curriculum, where there was almost no interaction, and attendance plummeted.  They learned their lesson, and went back to the "old fashioned" way of simply teaching children the Bible, and building relationships with them.  Again, I feel these errors with overdoing technology were more common earlier on.  I think it's more balanced now.  

     God has used an object of my resistance to be a means of His grace in so many ways!  What are some things that you have struggled with?  Have you ever seen any of them become a blessing to you?  Only God could do that, to take something that frightens or offends us, and turn it around to minister His grace.  He knows what we need.  I will close with Second Corinthians 9:8, And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed.