Battles

     I came up with the analogy years ago, while going through a particular time of spiritual warfare.  I was doing ministry, seeing people come to Christ.  And yet everywhere I turned, I was having things thrown my way that were real stumbling blocks for me at that time.  I decided that I had been playing checkers with the devil, and when I jumped his king, he got mad and picked up the board and threw it at me.  That's what was happening.  As a Christian, I had the victory, and was going forward in Christ's name to win people to Christ, per Acts 1:8 (But ye shall receive power, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you: and ye shall be witnesses unto me both in Jerusalem, and in all Judaea, and in Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth).  We are empowered, and Satan is defeated--but he wants us to forget that and manipulate us.  

     Whenever I deal with someone who is manipulative, I think that person is being more like Satan than God, even if that person is a Christian.  This month, I have been dealing with a master manipulator, and have fought a spiritual battle.  

     A few weeks ago, I saw a little boy I'll call David* receive Christ as his Lord and Savior.  As I shared the Gospel with him, his eyes dawned with a deep, real understanding.  In that instance, I used the terminology from John 3, and talked about being "born again."  As I explained what Jesus had done for us, David's eyes brightened, and he said, "I need that!"  His mother cried when I told her (joyful crying!).  I felt like God had moved in a mighty way in this child's life, and that He has great plans for this young man to be used for His kingdom.  I jumped the devil's king, and he was mad.

     Within a couple of hours, this manipulator (I'll call this person Chris) called me and was cruel and inappropriate toward me.  Chris has not let up, and, without going into telling details, what Chris was doing could adversely affect our ministry, and my career in this ministry.  Chris has already harmed the ministry with some manipulative stunts.  A lot of pressure was on me, and for a little while, Chris had a green light to continue.  

     I lost sleep over this.  I have been unable to eat, and when I did, I couldn't keep it down.  My spirit was in a very dark place, and I wondered if my career were going to be wrecked by Chris.  My husband and a few friends supported me in prayer through this, and one special friend and ministry colleague fought beside me, because it was her fight too (it's a very long story).

Pictured with two wonderfully supportive Christian friends (I'm in the middle)

     I knew things were coming to a head this evening.  I felt sick all day.  But I felt God guiding my actions.  Everything I did, I got a scripture in my heart as guidance.  In conferring with others, I hadn't wanted to say very much, because it's tricky when you're in a battle.  You (hopefully) don't want to bring anyone down, or start a campaign against them, or recruit others to dislike them with you.  But at the same time, sometimes you need to strategize.  You need to be as wise as a serpent but as innocent as a dove.  (Matthew 10:16).  God guided me in the right way of talking discretely with the correct people, and He even gave me scriptural confirmation about it.  

     The verse that kept coming back to me was Exodus 14:14, The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.  I knew God would win this battle in His way.  The song that soothed my spirit was Phil Wickam's The Battle Belongs.  I love the chorus: 

So when I fight, I'll fight on my knees

With my hands lifted high
Oh God, the battle belongs to You
And every fear I lay at Your feet
I'll sing through the night
Oh God, the battle belongs to You

 

    From all sides, I was reminded that God was in control and would win it.  He never promised me my career would always go perfectly, but I could trust him, even if the worst happened.  He would still have a plan for me.  I've been reading the book of Acts (my favorite!) in my quiet time, and I'm reminded of how Paul was never promised things would go his way, or that he'd be spared prison or execution.  But his attitude was, But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God. (Acts 20:24).  No matter what, I was called to share Christ, and if God closed the door where I was, He would open a new one.  

     A part of me wanted to run away from it all.  To just quit and beg my husband to move us to some rural area, never to get very involved in anything again.  But of course, that isn't God's plan, and I kept thinking about those who will come to Jesus through our ministry next year, and the year after, and how I can't leave that.  I can't let them down.  This isn't to say God can't lead us away at some point, but running away with my tail between my legs isn't the answer.  

     My husband serves in this ministry as well.  We love being a stateside missionary couple, serving the Lord together.  This situation had the potential to affect him too, but it was my fight.  This became even more apparent when, shortly before the confrontation with Chris this evening, our babysitter bailed, and my husband had to stay home with our son (there was no way we were bringing him around Chris).  Without my husband physically there (though he was praying!), I felt as if God were saying, "This is your fight, but it's really Mine!  Lean into Me!"  He didn't let me lean into my husband, even though that would have felt better.  I was in God's hand, and His alone.  

I love my husband and son, but I stand before the Lord alone, and He wins my battles.

     I felt like a sheriff in the Old West, facing down an outlaw in Main Street, with tumbleweeds blowing across the dirt road in front of the saloon.  

     This manipulator was brought down this evening.  I'm not exaggerating when I say that truth and righteousness won.  Chris is not out of my situation completely, so please pray, but the battle was won this time.  I feel triumphant, but I also feel beat up.  

     I'm reminded of Elijah in First Kings 19.  In the chapter earlier, he had won an amazing victory in his contest with the prophets of Baal.  Yet in the next chapter, Queen Jezebel threatened him, and he completely lost it and ran away, completely discouraged.  That's how I have felt this month.  I felt like running away and hiding.  And yet each step of the way, God's angels have been ministering to me, just as they did to Elijah.  Every step, my husband and the few Christian friends I shared with about this prayed with me and for me, and ministered to my spirit.  God's word became precious to me in a deeper way through this trial.  I was reminded to Count it all joy...knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.  (James 1:2-3).  I am encouraged by First Peter 1:7, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ.  

     I've been re-reading one of my very favorite books, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, by C.S. Lewis.  It is part of the Chronicles of Narnia series, which are allegorical of the Christian life.  In this book, the characters are on a sea voyage.  At one point, they go through a deep darkness, and find the island where dreams (nightmares) come true.  Lucy, a central character calls out to the Christ-representing Lion Aslan, saying, "If you ever loved us at all, send us help now!"  And he does.  After they are freed from the darkness, they look back, only to discover that the dark island is gone.  It isn't just behind them.  It's gone.  When they are thanked for destroying the accursed place, Lucy says, "I don't think that was us."  That's what I'm feeling right now.  

     I am so thankful for my good Christian friends.  I am so thankful for my husband.  But in this, I stood with Jesus alone, and He came through.  I watched Him win the battle.  The battle belongs to Him!