Friends

      A Christian song I heard a lot growing up was Michael W. Smith's Friends.  This is a very touching, heartfelt song about how Christian friendships really are forever, regardless of distance or circumstances.  The chorus says: 

And friends are friends forever                                                                                                     If the Lord's the Lord of them                                                                                                     And a friend will not say never                                                                                               'Cause the welcome will not end                                                                                                   Though it's hard to let you go                                                                                                      In the father's hands we know                                                                                                         That a lifetime's not too long                                                                                                       To live as friends. 

     This song has always given me an ideal to strive for in my friendships.  And yet, does it reflect reality?  Do Christian friends always stay close?  If they don't, does it mean one of the friends has sinned?  Is a friendship ending a sign of failure?  How should we approach that biblically?  How should we think of former friends after the relationship is over?  

     I will say that, in my experience, as well as the experiences of others who have shared with me, friendships can be for a lifetime, or for a season.  Sometimes, friendships end, only to be restored at a later season.  Other friendships end and are truly over for the rest of the involved parties' earthly lives, but will surely be restored in Heaven (I am talking about Christian friendships here).  Why do these breaks happen?  Is it wrong for people to no longer stay close?  There are many different variables involved.  I will share some examples of that, but first, let's look at what the Bible says about friendship.

     Proverbs 17:17 says, A friend loves at all times...  I will come back to this verse, but this verse can always apply, even if you are no longer close to someone who was once an intimate friend. 

     John 15:13 gives some depth about what true love and friendship can lead to: Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.  True love and friendships involve sacrifice.  It is unlikely you will ever be called upon to lay down your life for your friends, but there are other ways to demonstrate this kind of unselfish love.  

     A few other verses show us what kinds of friends we should have: Proverbs 27:17 says, Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.  Cultivate friendships with those who sharpen you in the Lord, and you do the same for them.  Likewise, First Thessalonians 5:11 says, Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.  Conversely, First Corinthians 15:33 warns, Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”  It's not a good idea to be close with those who influence us negatively.  Friends should bring out the best in each other.  Proverbs 27:6 gives us something else to think about as well.  Faithful are the wounds of a friend...  This verse reminds us that sometimes, friends might hurt you when trying to do what is best for you.  They should be honest with you, even if you don't want to hear it.  A true friend will have your best interest at heart.  Nathan was this kind of friend to King David (Second Samuel 12).  David later named a son Nathan.  Coincidence?  I doubt it.  

     One of the deepest friendships recorded in the Bible is that of David and Jonathan.  First Samuel 18:1 tells us that as soon as David and Jonathan met, their souls were knit, and they loved each other as themselves.  That is a true, deep friendship.  They loved each other so much that Jonathan was willing to help David, even when it meant losing his place as heir to the throne of Israel.  That's love.  They made a covenant, and David later showed love to Jonathan's son for his sake (Second Samuel 9).  It would seem that King David's relationships were intense and deep.  He definitely loved the people in his life fiercely.  

     A friend of mine, whom I'll call Christina, shared with me about a friendship she had.  Her friend, whom I'll call Amanda, was a deep encouragement in her life.  They had wonderful times together, and spurred each other on in the Lord.  Whenever Christina was discouraged, Amanda had biblical inspiration for her that was exactly what she needed in the moment.  Who wouldn't want a friend like this?  Sadly, much later, Amanda had a family member get into legal trouble.  She asked Christina to be a character witness for this relative.  Feeling she owed it to her friend, she did this, and the family member was let off.  However, shortly thereafter, Amanda's relative was in the same kind of trouble.  Christina began to feel uncomfortable about the situation, and wondered if this person really was committing the indiscretions they were accused of.  The second time Amanda asked her to be a character witness, Christina told her that she couldn't in good conscience do that this time.  This was the last time Amanda ever spoke to her.  Christina was grieved at this loss, and she continued to love Amanda, but she was unable to do what was being asked. 

     Growing up, my brother's best friend was the son of our pastor.  He was a really nice kid (my brother and his friend).  When we were teenagers, God led our family to another church, and my brother and his friend lost touch, just from not having commonality in their lives.  When they occasionally ran into each other at stores, it was positive, but they weren't close after that. 

    I met a very dear friend doing ministry together, when we were fifteen.  God used her to be a blessing and encouragement to me, and I still have all the letters she sent me.  When we were twenty, her family underwent some tragedy.  My heart went out to her, and I spent some time visiting with her in her home.  Things became strained and awkward, even though she was very kind.  I got the feeling the family wasn't coping well, and it was hard.  Anyway, after my visit ended (and there were no conflicts at all, and we ended on a good note), she never responded to me again.  She never returned calls or letters.  Without saying it in so many words, she cut me off, and it hurt.  I don't know if I did anything wrong, but I have wracked my mind over that again and again.  I don't understand all the ins and outs, but I still love her dearly.  I miss her, think of her, and pray for her often.  

     These are just a few examples of friendships ending.  There are multiple reasons why friends might not remain close.  Circumstances can change.  Sometimes, the thing that drew friends together isn't strong enough to keep them together in the long term.  Sometimes, life moves people in different ways.  In life, you are constantly changing and growing.  Some friends change with you, and some won't.  Sometimes, you and your friends change and move in different directions.  

     Sadly, sometimes friendships are unhealthy, or become unhealthy.  Sometimes, in my observations, I have seen situations where one person in the relationship saw others as an extension of himself/herself, and they were threatened when their friends had independent thoughts, or opinions apart from them.  This is more common among schoolgirls, but sometimes people are threatened when their friend has other friendships apart from them. I notice that when males have a "best friend" it is almost always simply that, a good, close friendship with another guy.  Often, when girls (or grown women) have "best friends" what they really mean is "this person is my property."  This is certainly not always the case, but I struggle with relationships with other women at times because of this kind of cliquishness.  I have experienced women's Bible studies that were really just glorified cliques.  

     I found it often boils down to control.  And it isn't always women, either.  When we were growing up, there was a spoiled, insecure boy who lived down the street from us.  He was part of our church and Christian school, and he and my brother were the same age.  They were sort of friends.  But there was another neighbor boy who was also friends with both my brother and this other boy.  When the three of them tried to get together, this spoiled little boy tried very hard to act like best buddies with one of them and leave the other out.  He didn't know how to be kind or friendly to both of them, and was uncomfortable with the other two being friends independently of him.  He had a compulsive need to control.  I've seen this a lot more with girls, but it obviously can happen with boys too.  

     Do you struggle with friends at times?  Maybe you are the one who has been isolated by controlling cliques, or maybe you struggle with feeling the need to facilitate all your friendships.  In either event, you can still be a wonderful friend.  We all just need to be working on ourselves in our relationships, and to engage in relationships that are the best for us.  If you feel yourself becoming resentful in a friendship, don't condemn yourself for those feelings . Get curious about them.  Ask the Lord to reveal the truth to you about what you need to do.  Here are some questions to ask yourself (and be honest--this is just you and God, no one is passing judgment on you):

1) If two of my friends are also friends with each other, does it make me angry or frustrated when they get together or do things as friends that I'm not part of or in control of?  Do I worry their time together will lessen their love for me as a friend, or my importance to them?  

2) Do I find myself wanting to create a wedge between other friendships that don't involve me?  

3) Do I feel angry with my friends don't agree with me or come to the same conclusions as I do? 

     Regardless of your answer to these questions, it doesn't make you a bad person or a bad friend.  It just shows that, like all of us, you might struggle with knowing just where you end and the other person begins in the friendship.  Maybe, like I have at times, you see your friend as an extension of yourself, and it is a threat to you when they don't agree with you, or if they do things outside of you.  It shouldn't be that way, but I think we can all struggle with that at times.  We need God's help and power to break free of these thinking patterns.  Realize that you are an individual, and it is okay if you and your friends have drawn different decisions and conclusions.  It doesn't necessarily mean one of you is wrong.  For many things, it is possible for people to disagree without being "wrong."  You both read the same classic novel, but drew different conclusions about what the author was saying.  Unless you know the author personally, you can't really prove or disprove, because it's open for interpretation.  Maybe you and your friend experienced the same situation differently from each other.  It doesn't nullify one of you.  Your experience is valid, whether or not anyone else shares it.  Your friend's different opinion doesn't reflect on yours, proving you wrong.  They are not connected to you.  And even if the disagreement is about something absolute (such as the Bible being true, or the earth being round, or something like that) and you are right and your friend is wrong about it, you cannot control their beliefs, and you have to simply accept them where they're at.  Let them be wrong and move on.  If you can't do that, it's time to find other friends.  If their difference from you frustrates you to the point that you are not able to ignore it, it's time to move on.  You know what you can handle, and when something is beyond you.  

      If a friend is deeply angry, to the point there is never a resolution without letting them control you, heed Proverbs 22:24-25, Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.  Angry or unreasonable people can get you caught in a snare.  These are friendships you don't need.  If someone isn't showing the respect you deserve as a human being, you don't need to be close to them.  If you have a friend who is often angry with you, and never apologizes or acknowledge their part in a conflict (and conflicts are very rarely one person's fault), this isn't a friendship you probably want to continue.  Unless both of you see the need to fix it and are both working toward that end, this just isn't something you need in your life.  A true friend wants what is best for you, whether it benefits them or not.  Many friendships aren't at this point of total anger and abuse or anything crazy like that, but they still just aren't bringing out the best in either party.  God wants our friendships to be for our best and the other person's, and if that isn't happening, it might also be time to move on.  

     Remember what we read earlier, A friend loves at all times.  If your friend is treating you with anything less than godly love, it isn't the best friendship.  This doesn't mean there can't be improvement and growth.  It doesn't mean you can't work on the friendship together.  But it's something to aware of.  Remember, in friendships, you can only control you.  You cannot control the other person.  I can't emphasize that enough.  I spent way too much of my life believing I could control others, and learned the hard way.  You can't determine what they do.  You can work on yourself and your responsibility in the friendship, but if your friend is not doing the same, it might not produce the result you hope for.  It takes both parties wanting to make it successful.  If things have gotten to the point that you cannot handle it anymore, it's time to walk away.  As a mentor of mine says, "You can't spend your life in a state of striving all the time."  It doesn't mean you hate the person, or wish them ill will.  You can love them more than ever.  You just aren't part of their life anymore.  

     I say all of this as someone who has both triumphed and failed in friendships.  I've learned the hard way at times.  I've made mistakes.  I've hurt those I've loved, and been hurt by those I loved.  A few times, I have let friendships go too easily, and far more often, held on beyond what was healthy, when I should have let go.  I'm still trying to get it right.  Maybe you can share your observations from the Bible and your own experiences.  I'd love to read about them.  

     In the Bible, there were conflicts between friends.  At first, King Saul had a good relationship with David, but he eventually turned on him, and tried to kill him (First Samuel 19).  David needed to get away.  But even then, he never treated Saul with anything less than respect.  He took care of himself, but didn't retaliate, even when he had the chance to (First Samuel 24).  He was being a true friend, even when closeness was gone.  

     Paul and Barnabas served the Lord mightily in Acts 13 and 14, but they had a "sharp disagreement" in Acts 15, over whether or not to take John Mark on their next trip.  They were unable to come to a compromise or resolution.  Both men were still godly servants of the Lord, and furthered the Kingdom.  Their disagreement actually worked to widen the impact of their ministry, but we never see them working directly together again (though there is indication Paul had better feelings toward Barnabas and John Mark later on in First Corinthians 9:6 and Second Timothy 4:11).  

     In Philippians 4, Paul gets after two Christian women in the church who were in conflict, Euodius and Syntyche.  Their conflict was big enough that Paul had heard about it.  He even acknowledges that they had served the Lord faithfully, but urges them to live peaceably.  I can't even guess what their conflict was about, but how embarrassing that it is recorded for Christians through the ages to read about!  Paul wasn't telling them to be best friends, or to kiss and make up.  He was urging them to be of the same mind in the Lord.  Again, though, each of these ladies only had control of herself.  

     Let me ask you this.  When you graduated from elementary school and went on to junior high, did you hate elementary school?  Did you trash and complain about elementary school, since you were no longer part of it?  I'm sure you didn't.  You were probably excited to move on to junior high, but you probably had good memories from your time in elementary school.  As you got older, thoughts of elementary school probably gave you warm fuzzy feelings and memories of childhood.  The same can be true for friendships in the past.  Just because you have moved on to a different place and are no longer close with them doesn't mean you hate them or think badly of them.  You can still cherish those memories, and love and pray for your old friend.  You can grieve the loss of what the friendship had been to you.  You can work through the difficulties you endured in that friendship.  

     One thing that concerns me is when someone leaves a relationship (with a friend or a significant other, or even a church or other group), they hate their old friend's guts and can't say a kind word about them.  That isn't right.  Obviously, this person has good, admirable traits that drew you in as a friend at one time.  There are still things people can love and enjoy about them.  They have redeemable qualities.  Be real about that.  Don't go recruiting people to be mad at them with you.  This is between you and the Lord (and possibly a mentor you confide in).  If you share your story, as God sometimes calls us to do, be careful what details you share, because you don't want to harm your old friend.  It is your story to tell, but be careful.  Make sure your motive is to honor the Lord and help those who might benefit from hearing it, not tearing anyone down.  Also, if this is a Christian friend, know that you will see them again in Heaven.  Never stop wanting their highest good on this earth.  Never stop hoping, praying and believing the best.  First Corinthians 13:7 tells us that love  always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  That is how you can keep on loving them without needing a close relationship.  Move on if you need to, but don't stop loving them.  

     Was Michael W. Smith right?  Are Christian friendships for a lifetime?  Better.  They're for eternity.  Make the most of the friends you have, while you have them.  

Pride

 

     In a few seconds, I went from being a Dodger fan to being totally disgusted with them.  Why?  Because this team, which are excellent baseball players, have decided to celebrate and promote "Pride Month."  I am grieved that something as fun and innocuous as baseball is being used as a political platform.  Here is what alarmed me much more.  I was alerted to the Dodger's decision via their Facebook post.  Being totally fed up with the LGBT (etc.) agenda bullying everyone, I made the following comment: 

     "Really?  People are free to do whatever they want, but I don't need to know who you're having sex with.  Do you want me to have a parade to celebrate having sex with my husband?  Of course you don't.  It's TMI!  I don't need a mental image of ANYONE'S sexual activities.  Maybe your family and close friends care about your sex life, but I sure don't!"  

     I was making the point that this whole Pride month thing is very self-centered, and it focuses on the sex life of the individuals involved.  My point was that no one cares about anyone else's sex life.  I was kind of trying to say the LGBT community needs to get over themselves.  No one is important enough to me that I want a whole month of parades to celebrate who they are attracted to or having sex with.  

     Well, my comment got some strong likes, support and agreement, and also some angry tantrum-throwers.  I was called ignorant (which is leftist language for a generic insult, since they call PhDs, Rhodes Scholars and certified geniuses "ignorant" whenever they don't agree with their narrative).  One woman who was completely outraged at me called me ignorant multiple times in her comment, then told me "Pride month has nothing to do with sex!"  Seriously?  Then what is it about?  And she calls me ignorant?  A very cruel commenter implied my husband is really gay but hiding in the closet because (and here he made a disgusting comment about me).  You know what?  People are mean and really filthy.  You will note that I did not even say in my initial comment anything against the LGBT community, just my objection to having a month to celebrate sex of any kind.  From these leftists, I did not get one intelligent comment.  I didn't get one leftist person asking me questions or offering to have a discussing with me.  Just insulted.  That's all these people know how to do.  They claim they want "discussion" but they really don't.  A group that claims to want diversity can't handle an intelligent person having a different opinion.  I believe all my comment did was pull Pride Month's cover to illustrate the pettiness and self-importance of the people perpetuating it.  

     As Christians, let's look at that all biblically.  What does the Bible say about pride?  First Peter 5:6 says, Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time,  James 4:6 says that God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.  The Apostle Paul wrote in Galatians 6:14, But may it never be that I would boast, except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.  God values humility and is opposed to the proud.  As humans, I think we enjoy being around humble people more than arrogant people, wouldn't you agree?  God set up His whole plan of salvation to require humility.  It isn't works-based.  Ephesians 2:9 says, not a result of works so that no one may boast.  We must admit we are sinners, unable to save ourselves, and fall on the mercy of Christ.  After we are saved, I believe the above scriptures reveal that God wants us to live a life of humility.  If someone isn't humble, God is able to bring them down (Daniel 5).   

     In light of that, I believe it is perfectly fine to have a sense of healthy accomplishment when you achieve something.  If someone gets a good grade on a test and says, "I'm proud of myself," I don't usually think of that as the kind of arrogant pride that God hates.  But even this kind of basic pride should be in doing the right thing...accomplishing something (and of course, still giving the glory to God), not because of who we are sexually attracted to.  The left claims that one's sexual orientation is something the person is born with and that they have no choice.  I personally believe everyone has a choice, but that aside for a moment, if a person has no control, why be proud of it?  They did nothing to make it happen.  There is no sense of accomplishment or achievement in it.  Why be proud?  There is no reason to be proud.  If they choose that life, that is their decision, but having parades that stop traffic and essentially saying, "Look at me, I have same-sex attraction!" is really over-the-top of self-centeredness.  There is a whole world that doesn't care, just as they don't care about anyone else's sexual desires. 

     Don't be fooled by all this talk of diversity.  Those pushing for it don't want it.  They want to control you, and your beliefs.  Don't let them!  A person who truly values diversity will value people, and want to have respectful conversations and discussions.  God Himself really does want diversity.  He created all people in His image, but each one unique.  He wants people from all nations to know Him.  Revelation 7:9 says that there will be people in Heaven from every nation, tribe, people and language.  I would say God loves diversity much more than our society claims to.  Imagine Christians all over the world, praising God in their own language, and with the feel of their own culture.  How that must bring joy to the heart of God.  

     There is another problem with Pride month, beyond the arrogance of it.  This worldview is saying that people are defined by their sexual desires.  That is so twisted.  We are so much more than that.  We are human beings, created in the image of God.  That is where our identity rests.  I love the 1993 song by Petra, Marks of the Cross.  The lyrics say: All our identity rest in the knowledge of who we're created to be. We are His workmanship, made in His image, For all of creation to see... You are not defined by who your best friend is, whether or not you are married, who you are attracted to or anything else another person has any part of.  You exist on your own.  Needing another person to define you in any way is codependency, and is very unhealthy.  It devalues you for your own worth.  God says you are priceless--worth the life of Jesus Christ!  Don't cheapen it by defining yourself by other fallible humans.  

     Furthermore, we are also not defined by any other habit of ours.  I am part of a recovery ministry, and at each meeting, we say our names, our position in Christ, and then our area of struggle (or victory).  For example, I say, "My name is Janelle.  I'm a grateful believer in Jesus Christ, and I am working on my struggle with anxiety and depression, and have victory over codependency."  We are not our struggles.  We are not our sex lives.  I think it is a disservice to someone to celebrate their sexual activity, instead of who they are as a human being.  God says He has loved you with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3).  That is worth celebrating!  

     In conclusion, I am disappointed that my favorite baseball team is devaluing human beings by reducing them to their sexual attraction.  I am disappointed that this decision on their part facilitated me being insulted disgustingly by leftist lemmings who just repeat the rhetoric they are being told.  But I am not really surprised.  We live in a world that has been at odds with God since Genesis 3.  One day, Jesus will make all things new, and right (Revelation 21:5).  All I can do is say with the Apostle John Come quickly, Lord Jesus.  

Spiritual Veterans

      Every time my husband sees someone in a military uniform, he thanks them for their service.  

     Our country has done a good job of acknowledging our veterans.  These men and women who have served our nation are honored with holidays such as Veterans Day, and somewhat Memorial Day (though Memorial Day is largely for those who didn't make it back).  We often like to hear stories from our Veterans--first-hand stories that didn't make it into the history books, but are just as real.  Sometimes, though, in light of all the honor and glory, these men and women suffer from unspeakable trauma witnessed in the most ugly of human circumstances.  Sometimes, they are haunted for the rest of their lives by the memories of things such as exploding shells, killing or disfiguring their friends.  

     In what I'm about to say, I do not in any way make light of the real heroism of men and women in our armed forces.  What I am going to do, though, is make a comparison, because the Bible draws this same parallel.  

     As Christians serving God, we are in a war.  This war has been going on since Genesis 3, when Adam and Eve sinned against God.  It's a war between good and evil...between God and Satan.  We know from reading Revelation how that war will end.  Revelation 20:10 says: And the devil, who deceived them, was thrown into the lake of burning sulfur, where the beast and the false prophet had been thrown. They will be tormented day and night for ever and ever.  In verse 15, we are told that everyone who has followed Satan and not embraced Christ will also be thrown into the lake of fire.  The last two chapters of Revelation are about our eternity with God, when there is no more sin, and no more war.  But until that time, we are part of the ages-old war.  We fight the battles of the time in which we live.   A hundred years ago, believers fought their distinct battles, and a hundred years from now (should the Lord tarry), the Christians will be fighting their battles as well.  We fight ours today.  But we're all part of the same war.   

     Who are we at war against?  Sometimes it seems like other people are the enemy, but Ephesians 6:12 assures us this is not the case:  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.  Our battle is against Satan and his followers.  We who are believers are on God's side.  Sometimes it's easy to forget who we're really fighting, because we can't see Satan, but we can see the problems he creates.  

     What do those battles look like?  They can look many different ways.  We are told in Ephesians 6:11 that Satan has schemes that we are to stand against.  Second Corinthians 10:3-5 remind us: For though we walk in the flesh, we do not wage battle according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses.  We are destroying arguments and all arrogance raised against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.  Pretty aggressive words, aren't they?  We are in favor of the word of God, and against everything that goes against what God has said.  It might sound harsh in our overly "tolerant" society, but it is exactly what God said.  

     As Christians, our goal is to bring glory to God, and bring people to Christ.  That can look differently in different people's circumstances, but in one way or another, we as Christians are all part of that battle--those war efforts.  

In times of war, all good citizens participate in war efforts.  The same is true in our spiritual battles.  Think of some ways that these battles are served on the "front lines" and the "home front".  Both are equally important.  

     The Bible gives more info about battle, but let's think about this a minute.  If we are truly fighting a war, that would make us veterans.  We might not feel like we deserve to use that title.  As I said earlier, I mean no disrespect by comparing spiritual warfare to the physical battlefront our soldiers face.  But since the Bible draws the parallel, I feel safe to proceed.  As spiritual veterans, have you ever felt drained, in need of rest?  Have you ever gone through something hard or painful in God's service, and no one noticed?  Have you felt isolated and alone in your battles?  Have you ever not known how to interpret something you went through?  Have you ever just felt broken and lost after an act of service for the kingdom?  Have you ever felt wounded by a fellow soldier?  

     Hurt and trauma can happen to believers in the service of our King.  Acknowledge that.  Ask God for opportunities to share your stories with those who might be helped by them.  Here are some other things to keep in mind.  

The Battle is the Lord's

     Second Chronicles 20:15 says, For the battle is not yours, but God's.  Likewise, Exodus 14:14 says, The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.  We are soldiers in God's army, but He is the one who is really doing the fighting.  We follow Him onward to victory.  The all-powerful God has a greater vested interest in the outcome than you ever could, and He has already promised that He will win in the end.   Proverbs 21:31 says it well: The horse is made ready for the day of battle, but victory rests with the Lord.

All scores will be settled

     Isaiah 5:20 says, Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!  That sounds a lot like today, doesn't it?  It is viewed as "evil" to stand on the absolutes of the Bible, but it is "good" to accept anything and everything, with no moral code or scriptural basis.  Galatians 6:7-9 is such an encouragement to me: Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a person sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his flesh will reap destruction from the flesh, but the one who sows to the Spirit will reap eternal life from the Spirit.  Let's not become discouraged in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not become weary.  God will allow the wicked to reap the consequences for their wickedness, while the godly will reap rewards.  God will repay.  Romans 12:19 reminds us, Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.  Believers will all stand before the Lord at the Judgment Seat of Christ (Second Corinthians 5:10) to give an account of the lives we lived.  We are saved no matter what, but the quality of our Christian lives affect the rewards we receive.  As for the unbelievers, they will pay for their sins for all eternity in the lake of fire. 

God has given you His armor

     God has given us armor to withstand the attacks of battle.  Ephesians 6:13-18 tells us how this works.  That armor helps us stand firm, after all else.  The pieces of armor are the Belt of Truth, Breastplate of Righteousness, Shoes of the Gospel of Peace, Shield of Faith, Helmet of Salvation, and the Sword of the Spirit.  Verse 18 concludes that we need to continually be in prayer.  Second Corinthians 6:7 also talks about spiritual armor, with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left.  What do these pieces of armor represent?   I believe they are the aligning ourselves with God, and that each of these pieces represents a different aspect of His character.  The belt of truth is God's truth, and that belt holds the breastplate of righteousness firmly in place--and the breastplate is the fact that we are in Christ's righteousness.  The shoes of the gospel of peace means we are ready to share the gospel, which brings us peace with God.  The shield of faith is our faith in the Lord, which is the means by which we grab hold of the salvation Christ offers.  The helmet of salvation protects you from Satan's lies.  He likes to make you question your salvation, or your victory in Christ.  The Sword of the Spirit is the Bible itself.  That is the only defensive weapon, and that should show us that in order to fight these battles, we need God's word.  Additionally, God protects us.  Psalm 91:11 tells us that He gives His angels charge over us, to keep us in all our ways.  

You are not alone in the battle

     One of the biggest tactics of the enemy is to isolate believers.  Ecclesiastes 4:12 gives some basic common sense truth: And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.  A song our pastor's wife in California used to sing a lot contained the line, "There's no foe that can defeat us, when we're walking side by side."  We need each other, but we often feel alone in our battles.  A passage that has encouraged me is First Kings 19.  Elijah had just won a spiritual battle, but he was scared and discouraged.  He needed renewal and assurance.  Twice (in verses 10 and 14) Elijah tells the Lord that he is the only faithful one left.  God replies in verse 18 that there are seven-thousand faithful believers in Israel.  Elijah wasn't as alone as he thought.  At the end of this chapter, God gives Elijah a helper and friend, Elisha.  Part of fighting the battle is to have relationships with fellow believers.  Go to church, join Bible studies, have a Christian friend or family over for dinner.  Develop an accountability partnership with someone you gel well with.  Pray with other Christians.  One of the best ministries I am currently part of is a 24-hour prayer line, where Christians from all over the earth call in and pray.  If you ever want to know you're not alone, join something like that.  Other Christians are facing similar struggles to yours.  There are many irritating issues with social media nowadays, but there are positives.  It helps us connect.  It has normalized people sharing their struggles with areas such as depression, anxiety, insecurities, etc.  When I was a teenager, I struggled with these things, but no one ever talked about it, so I pretended I felt better than I did.  I think pretending has thankfully started to go out of style.  Surround yourself with believers who encourage you in the Lord.  Just like veterans of physical wars share their common struggles and stories with each other, so should spiritual veterans.  

     Another way we are not alone is that believers throughout history--almost all of whom we won't meet until Heaven--have faced exactly what we have.  The Apostle Paul wrote candidly in Second Corinthians 1:8, that we were pressed beyond measure, beyond strength, insomuch that we despaired even of life.  Have you ever felt that way from the battle?  I have.  I met a gentleman in my Bible college years ago who said, "I can't imagine anyone wanting to die.  I love life.  God wants us to love life."  He didn't mean anything bad by that at all, and I'm happy he hasn't had that struggle, but it also made me question if I was abnormal for struggling at times.  If you are struggling, you're not alone.  Christians all over, and throughout history, have gone through it.  We are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1).  These biblical believers had victory, and we live in the light of their witness.  

You are victorious

     As a soldier in God's army, you have a guaranteed victory.  It might not look like it from our human vantage point.  Think about Joseph in the book of Genesis.  Things kept getting worse and worse for him.  He went from a favorite teenage son, to a slave, to a prisoner, until he was finally made second-in-command of the nation.  If he evaluated his life while he was on his way to Egypt as a slave, or while he was sitting in prison, he might have thought he lost the battle, but the story wasn't over yet.  The same is true for us.  But we have the promise of victory in Christ.  First John 5:4 says, For whoever has been born of God overcomes the world; and this is the victory that has overcome the world: our faith.  Remember what the Apostle Paul wrote to the Corinthians: Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord. (First Corinthians 15:58).

     In that, spiritual veteran, rejoice.  And in case no one's ever said it, thank you for your service.  

Divine Providence

      "You'd better get out to the parking lot.  Your family just left," the store manager told me as I came out of the restroom.  My family was running an errand, and nature had called.  I had told my parents I was going to use the restroom.  As I walked out, I wasn't too concerned by the store manager's words.  Surely my parents and siblings had just gone to the car to wait for me. 

     "Hey, wait!"  I shouted in real alarm as I saw our station wagon pull out of its parking space.  I ran frantically over to them.  Seeing me in the rearview mirror, my dad slammed on the brakes.  I climbed in.

     "I thought you were in the 'way back,'" My dad said, referring to the furthest back portion of our station wagon.  "I had forgotten you went to the bathroom."

     "We're so sorry, honey," my mom apologized.  

     As I fastened my seatbelt, my nine-year-old mind raced to the possibilities of what would have happened if I hadn't run out right when I did.  Would they have gotten all the way home before realizing I was missing?  Would I have had to walk home (it was several miles)?  This was many years before cell phones made instant communication easier.  I was just happy I had left the store when I did.  

My siblings and me, about the time of this story (I'm the oldest).

     I went on with my day, but the reality of what had happened never left my mind.  That night, as I was laying in bed, I thought about it.  I realized it wasn't just lucky that I walked out when I did.  It was God.  God worked it out so that I was done in the bathroom and left the store exactly when I did so that I wouldn't get left behind.  Looking upward toward the ceiling in the darkness, I whispered a prayer of thanks to God.  This was a turning point in my relationship with Him.  Though I wouldn't know the terminology just yet, I became acquainted with the idea of Divine Providence.  

     Realistically, the worst that could have happened was that I would have had to wait at the store until my parents missed me and came back.  They surely would have.  It wasn't a matter of life and death, but it was somewhat a matter of safety, and definitely a matter of convenience.  God had seen to it that everything was all right.  Could He have prevented my parents from mistakenly almost leaving without me?  Certainly, but He revealed Himself to me through their human error.  

     Isaiah 55:8-9 are some of my favorite verses about God's sovereignty:  For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord, For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.  These verses have often encouraged me in life.  When things don't go the way I expect, I think, "Well, God has another plan.  His ways are hither than mine."  This is absolutely true, and very encouraging.  However, to get the full impact of this truth about God's Divine Providence, let's go back a few verses:

     Isaiah 55:6-7 says, Seek the Lord while He may be found;  Call upon Him while He is near.  Let the wicked abandon his way, and the unrighteous person his thoughts; And let him return to the Lord, and He will have compassion on him, and to our God; For He will abundantly pardon.  

     Here, we read about a God who longs for the people He created to turn to Him.  He wants to show compassion and love.  He is ready to forgive!  This the the picture God gives us of Himself in this passage.  After reading this and focusing on His abundant love, we can go on to read  verses, 8-9, telling us how His ways are higher than ours.  His plans sometimes don't line up with what we want and hope for.  Not only can we comfort ourselves with Him having higher plans in store, but, in light of the earlier verse about His love for us, we can know His plans are the very best.  He is always acting in love toward us, even if it doesn't feel like it in the moment.

     Another verse I love (actually my life verse) is Romans 8:28, And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.  We are called to be His.  He is working all things for our good.  In light of this, we can look at everything that happens to us in light of God's love for us.  

     A woman I met many years ago once told me, "Sometimes our disappointments are God's appointments."  Can you look back on any of your own disappointments in life and see God's hand in it?  I don't ask that question to be trite.  Sometimes, devastating things happen.  Not in any way do I intend to make light of anyone's  hurt or disappointment.  A verse that was brought up this past week in our Sunday School class was Hebrews 11:13, which says, All these died in faith, without receiving the promises, but having seen and welcomed them from a distance, and having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth.  It was pointed out that, again, at the end of this chapter, it is reiterated: And all these, having gained approval through their faith, did not receive what was promised, because God had provided something better for us, so that apart from us they would not be made perfect. (Hebrews 11:39-40).  These verses are about the Old Testament saints.  They were trusting in the Lord, as He had revealed Himself to them.  We, living after Christ's coming, have much more revelation and knowledge than they did, but, like them, we are called to live by faith, and together with them, we make up the complete story of God's redemptive work through history.  We will see some results of our faith in our lifetime, but there is much we won't see of what God was really doing until we are in Heaven.  Some things that seem pointless now might be reaping an eternal weight of glory for us.  Second Corinthians 4:17 gives this idea when it says, For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  That is something to hang onto during our difficult times.  

     I have shared some of this before, so I won't go into a lot of detail, but one of the most disappointing seasons in my life occurred when I was a college student.  I struggled so much with the way things happened, and I tried to carry on in service in the wake of these disappointments and hurts.  My greatest comfort was God's Sovereignty, knowing that, somehow, I was in His divine plan, that it was bigger than when I could see right then.  I constantly looked up verses that reminded me of this truth, and listened to Christian songs that reinforced it.  Now, all these years later, I look back on that trying time as one of the most fruitful periods of life and ministry.  Even though I felt I failed in so many ways at the time, and I barely made it through a day without breaking down, a girl I was mentoring back then came to faith in Christ and is now a fulltime missionary.  I'm sure there was even more that God did then that I won't see until I'm with Him.  That time of living by faith when it hurt was so precious.  Those times really can be.  

     On the other hand, it doesn't only take hurt and disappointment to reap eternal rewards.  God is always at work, and He is always using our lives.  As I said above, He can work through these hard times, but He can also reap eternal rewards in our lives through just faithfully going through life each day, whether it's fun, boring, tiring, monotonous.  He can use you to impact people you'll never meet.  Your life can have so many ripple effects.  Last year, I was blessed to meet a young woman who had been discipled by the girl I mentioned above (the one I mentored during that dark time in my life).  Laughing, she told me, "You're my spiritual grandma!"  What a thought.  I had never met this young woman, nor had I personally impacted her life, but God had used my struggling efforts years before to impact someone who, in turn, impacted her.  Wow.  He is doing that with YOUR efforts too!  

Ripple effects

     God is in control.  He loves you.  He will not forsake you.  He is working out His purposes, in, though and around you.  He has invited You to be part of his redemptive plan for history!  

     That nine-year-old girl running out of that store in time to catch my parents before they left had no idea all that God was doing, but I now see a little bit more (a very little bit!).  One day, our faith will be sight, but for today, rest in His Divine Providence.  

What is truth?

     There is so much unsubstantiated information out there today.  That alone is cause for concern, but what is even more disconcerting is that people believe it like true gospel, without questioning it.  I believe God wants His people to be thinking people, weighing what we are told, comparing it to the teaching of the word of God.  

     Recently, I saw this meme online: 

  There were literally thousands of comments, mostly very negative against Christians.  Things like, "This is so true.  We're all terrible.  We need to start walking the walk!"  And stuff like that.  Some went further and said things like "We shouldn't preach.  We should just be living it," which is a total lie of Satan.  Only a few people seemed to have thought it through and seen through this bilge.  I have to ask: 

    

     1) Who conducted this alleged study that reached the statistic that only 20% of people think Christians are caring?  Did they ask everyone in the world?  Obviously not.  It is unlikely that any such study was even conducted.  It is much more probable is that some people who wanted to bash Christians put it out as a guilt trip.  

     2) In the unlikely event that this is actually the case and only 20% of the world's unbelieving population considers Christians to be caring, how is that our responsibility to fix it?  It's their perception, and therefore their problem. 

     I find when people start saying things like this, it's to turn attention away from their own sin.  Their own need of the very Savior that they are unwilling to embrace.  I remember once witnessing to some classmates in college, and whenever I brought up sin, salvation, or Christ, they would say, "Yeah, but what about the hypocrites?"  Well, what about them?  They have nothing to do with Jesus.  The real question is, what are you going to do with Jesus Christ?

     Before I go further, I will hasten to say this: You and I are are not responsible for how the world perceives Christians.  You are responsible for yourself.  You can't control anyone but yourself.  You can't control the witness and example of other believers, nor can you control the outlook of non-Christians.  This being the case, none of us should be subjected to that kind of guilt-trip.  Besides that...

     It should be noted that Jesus warned us that the world wouldn't sing our praises.  John 15:18-21 tells us:  If the world hates you, know that it hated me before it hated you.  If you were of the world, the world would love its own: but because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.  Remember, the word that I said unto you. The servant is not greater than his master.  If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you: if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also.  But all these things will they do unto you for my name's sake, because they know not him that sent me.

     Jesus is saying here that the world rejected Him, so it stands to reason it will reject His followers.  In Matthew 5:10-12, He said,  Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.   Blessed are ye when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all  manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.  Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven; for so persecuted they the prophet which were before you.  We shouldn't expect accolades from the world.  We don't meet them on their terms, so it's little wonder they won't like us.  This shouldn't surprise us. In fact, Jesus even said in Luke 6:26, Woe to you when everyone speaks well of you, for that is how their ancestors treated the false prophets. If a believer is getting a lot of praise from the world, it should be a warning, according to Jesus.  First Peter 4:12-14 gives a similar admonishment:  Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though something strange were happening to you: but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that at the revelation of His glory you may also rejoice and be overjoyed.  If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory, and of God, rests upon you.  This passage reiterates what Jesus warned, and also gives an encouragement of future glory, when you are going through trials for Christ's sake.  In light of these passages, the meme I shared is completely obsolete to a Christian worldview, and should never have been shared.  

     Having said all of this, should we try to annoy or offend?  Should we intentionally shock propriety and then get a persecution complex when people don't like it?  No!  An extreme version of this is Westboro Baptist Church, which is famous for making hateful demonstrations against others, and then getting a superior attitude when they face opposition.  Others do this in less extreme ways as well, but it isn't how we are called to be.  Jesus said in Matthew 5:13 (right after He warned about persecution), Ye are the salt of the earth... and then in verse 14, Ye are the light of the world... In verse 16, we are urged by the Lord to let our lights shine, letting people see our good deeds and giving glory to God.  We should be doing right.  And many Christians do!  Christians are behind organizations such as the Goodwill, the Salvation Army, World Vision, Habitat for Humanity, Compassion International, and countless other groups that help others throughout the world.  People who gripe on Christians not being caring enough are ignoring the efforts of these and other Christians efforts.  

     Ultimately, though, it isn't about being kind.  It is about sharing the gospel.  Every poor person who is fed and clothed has an eternal soul that will spend eternity somewhere.  Feeding and clothing the poor, or doing other humanitarian acts, without sharing the life-giving message of salvation, is incomplete.  We absolutely should be doing good works, but the gospel message should always accompany them.  Walter and I give to different ministries, some monthly, some here and there as we are able, but one stipulation is that the people being served must be given the gospel and/or a Bible.  We have chosen to support a child through Compassion, because they guarantee that every child receives a Bible and Christian teaching, whereas several other similar ministries we looked into cannot make that claim, but only focus on physical needs.  

Our Compassion child, Kimberly, in El Salvador.  She is receiving physical care, as well as spiritual.  We regularly pray for her salvation.

     I have heard people say, "Worry about your own soul and your neighbor's stomach."  My response to this is: Why not both?  If you are sharing Christ with someone who is starving, the Christian thing to do is feed them.  If you are not equipped to help them long-term, you can and should become aware of resources in your community that can help, such as food pantries and other programs that assist.  But as believers, we are to preach the gospel.  That is our foremost calling.  Jesus' last command wasn't to "be nice."  His last command wasn't to "live out our beliefs."  It was to preach the gospel (Matthew 28:19-20, Mark 16:15, Acts 1:8).  Throughout the book of Acts, the apostles never failed to mention Jesus' sacrifice and offer of salvation, even as they helped in physical ways.  In Acts 6, the apostles realized that there were some physical needs that the Christians should be meeting, but they knew that for them to stop preaching and focus on that wouldn't be right for them, so they organized other believers who were called to make that their focus.  Physical needs were then met, but not at the expense of spiritual needs.  

     I first faced this conflict when I was in junior high.  I now see this as a time of refining and consecration in my life.  I had a teacher who was supposedly a Christian, Mrs. Larson.  She ridiculed me for my Christian witness among my peers.  She constantly accused me of "shoving it down people's throats."  To this day,  I cannot stand that phrase, because I associate it with that humiliation of being misunderstood and misjudged.  Sharing Christ is not "shoving it down people's throats."  I have met very few people who "shove it down people's throats," in fact.  I think this phrase is an overreaction.  The bigger problem, I think, is that not enough people are witnessing.  Mrs. Larson said we should "live it," but was she "living it" as she made fun of me?  Was she such an exemplary person that everyone around her just said, ,"Oh my goodness.  That woman is so wonderful.  I knew it!  Jesus really did die on the cross!  I must receive Him now!"  Of course not!  No one's testimony is that good!  Doing good deeds doesn't transmit the Romans Road into someone else's brain!  Good deeds add power to our words, and sometimes open the door for an opportunity to share...but they aren't to take the place of our words.  The height of irony was that, the summer between eighth and ninth grade, I led Mrs. Larson's daughter to the Lord at Vacation Bible School.  

     A popular quote often misattributed to Francis of Assisi says, "Preach the gospel at all times.  Use words if necessary."  This is not a biblical idea.  Romans 10:17 says, So faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.  Words matter.  Good deeds are like money.  They are backed up by something.  If we do good things but fail to preach Christ, we are telling people, "Look at what a good person I am!"  My dad always told a story about a man he knew who thought he was living a great testimony before his neighbor.  For years and years, he thought he was representing Christ, although he never said a word about Him.  He just thought his life was his witness.  One day, many years later, this neighbor got saved, and he came and tried to witness to this man who thought he was being the great testimony without words!  When he shared that he was a Christian, the neighbor was shocked and said, "You lived such a good life, and I thought, 'wow, if he can live a good life like that without God, I don't need Him either.'  That's why I didn't become a Christian years ago!"  Absolutely live your faith...but give words to it too!  

     The Apostle Paul said in Acts 20:24, However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me--the task of testifying to the good news of God's grace.  Paul's calling was to preach the gospel.  That is our calling too, even as we fulfill other callings as well.  Paul restates this in First Corinthians 9:16:  ...but woe to me if I do not preach the gospel.  At the end of Paul's earthly ministry, he urged his protégé Timothy to Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season... (Second Timothy 4:2).  I like how the Living Bible states this: to preach the Word of God urgently at all times, whenever you get the chance, in season and out, when it is convenient and when it is not.  Some of these shallow, pop-Christianity things we see online sometimes undermine this urgency to preach the gospel.  

     19th Century evangelist Charles Spurgeon said, "You have never truly found Jesus if you do not tell others about Him."  

     Of course we should have a testimony that matches our words.  We're not perfect, and we shouldn't beat ourselves up about that.  We do our best with God's help.  When we fail, we make it right.  Sometimes, that is more powerful than if we didn't mess up.  One time, I handled a situation at work badly.  I prayed about how to handle it, and I was able to apologize to everyone involved and make it right.  My doing that ended up being a testimony to my coworkers, some of whom were unsaved.  They didn't see me as this untouchable, perfect Christian.  They saw me as fallible but faithful, and that showed them what God could do in their lives as well.  My boss saw me as responsible, and it led to a promotion for me.  That's another story, but all that to say that we won't always have a perfect testimony.  If we're being faithful, that's all God asks of us.  Seize opportunities He gives, and let Him do the rest.  If someone had decided that Christians are mean, that isn't on you.  You just keep being all Jesus called you to be!