Misused

     "Remember," my 5th grade Sunday School teacher Mrs. Casado reminded us, "Satan will wrap a lie up in truth, or a truth up in a lie.  He knows you're too smart to believe an outright lie, so he disguises it."  She had been telling us this for several weeks now.  She had us memorizing some scripture verses.  I was proud to have memorized them all...but I would soon be humbled by a serious reality. 

     "Satan will feed you 99% truth to get you to swallow one lie," Mrs. Casado went on.  She used the example of the serpent in the Garden of Eden in Genesis 3.  Satan (in the serpent's form), twisted the truth into a convincing-sounding half-truth (lie).  It was enough like the real thing that Eve swallowed it, and Adam followed suit.  After Mrs. Casado finished recounting the familiar story, she played a game with us to prove her point.  She would quote the verses we had been memorizing, and we had to say true or false, based on whether or not she was quoting it accurately.  She then recited these verses, but she would change just one word, which would change the verse's meaning.  And you know what?  None of us caught on.  We thought she was saying the verses correctly.  She used the same wording and phrasing...except that one small change.  We were pretty easy to fool, even though we'd memorized these verses.

     The moral of the story is that, as Christians, we need to be discerning, well-versed in God's word.  Otherwise, those small deceptions will get us.  It happens more than you think, and as proof, I'm going to share some examples of misused biblical (or in some cases, unbiblical) phrases that people are saying out of context.  Satan is having a heyday with our beliefs and thoughts.

     

GOD WON'T GIVE YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE

     If I've heard this once, I've heard it a hundred times.  People use it as an encouragement.  I even had a very strong Christian teen tell me his favorite verse was, "God won't give you more than you can handle..." he paused and added, "I can't remember where it's found, though."  Well, the reason he couldn't recall the reference was because those words are not in the Bible.  

     I believe this saying came from a few different concepts.  First Corinthians 10:13 says, "There hath no temptation taken you, but such as is common to man, but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that which ye are able, but will with the temptation make a way of escape, that ye may be able to bear it."  This verse is saying that God will never let us be in a situation where we have to sin.   He promises that there is always another option.  Temptation doesn't have to overcome us.  But this isn't telling us that we can handle life on our own terms.  

     Job 7:16 records Job (after he has suffered unimaginable tragedy and physical pain) saying, "I am tired of living."  Sounds like he was dealing with more than he could handle.  A New Testament example of this is found in Second Corinthians 1:8, where Paul says, "For we would not have you ignorant, brothers, for our trouble which came to us in Asia: that we were pressed beyond measure, beyond strength, insomuch as we despaired even of life."  These God-loving people were pushed beyond what they could handle.  So are we.  But, there is a promise we can cling to.  The same promise that was available to the Apostle Paul.  Jesus said it at the last supper.  John 16:33, "...in this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."  Similarly, Second Corinthians 12:9 promises, "My grace is sufficient for you."  God won't give us what we can't handle WITHOUT HIS HELP.  That's what we should be telling each other.  Don't leave off that last part.

The Apostle Paul facing persecution

GOD WANTS YOU TO BE HAPPY

     There's a sense in which this is true, but not in the way it is used much of the time.  Jesus promised us in John 10:10, "...I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly."  Psalm 16:11 says, "You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy.  At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."  Throughout the Bible, God's people are encouraged to trust in God's goodness, and reminded that He has good plans for us, that will fulfill us and give us joy.  But these things only come with the Lordship of Christ in our lives.  Doing "what makes me happy" won't cut it.  First Peter 1:16 says, "...be holy, as I am holy."  God's goal is for us to be holy, not merely happy.  I might be happy if the Dodgers win the World Series, but someone rooting for the other team might be very unhappy.  God's plans are so much bigger than this.  His joy in our lives has a root in what Christ has done for us, and what lies ahead for Christians.  He gives meaning to our lives, even things that seem sad or pointless.  He blesses us with joy and even happiness.  But not permission to go do whatever we want because it will make us "happy."  So...does God want us to be happy?  In a sense, but only to the point that we have HIS joy in our hearts, and are growing in holiness.  

GOD HELPS THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES

     While this is a hard-working American saying, it isn't found in the Bible.  The Bible does encourage a good work ethic.  Colossians 3:23 says, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."  But the Bible also says, "My God will supply all your needs, according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:19).  The implication of "God helps those who help themselves" is that God will only help us if we're doing it all by ourselves anyway.  That's backwards.  We need God's guidance before we can "help ourselves."  The actual phrase has been attributed to Benjamin Franklin (who wasn't even a Christian), but it is actually found in the even earlier writing of British politician Algernon Sidney.  The sentiment itself goes back even further, appearing in ancient Greek tragedies.  It also appears in Islamic texts.  So, this is not a biblical phrase.  Every good and perfect gift comes from above (James 1:17).

Benjamin Franklin

DON'T JUDGE

     I saved the best for last. All the previous sayings I've analyzed lead up to this one, and I'll explain.   I could write a book on "Don't judge."  The tough part about this one is that it actually does appear in the Bible.  I'm not refuting the biblical use of it, but I am going to refute the way it is misused and thrown around.  

     The phrase, "Don't judge lest you be judged," is found in Matthew 7:1.  A pastor friend of mine always says that it has surpassed John 3:16 as the most well-known verse.  Even non-Christian people who give no credence to the Bible will quote Matthew 7:1 at anyone who disagrees with them.  I have a few responses to that.  My first one is simply, "Unless you can follow the rest of what Jesus said and taught, don't throw this at me."  

     The second response is logic.  Accusing someone of judging is actually a judgmental thing to do.  Anyone who accuses someone else of judging is a hypocrite.  

     When Jesus warned us against judging in Matthew 7:1, He wasn't telling us that it's wrong to confront sin for what it is.  He wasn't telling us we have to agree with everyone.  What He was doing was telling us not to make false assumptions about others without having all the facts.  If I happen by the pastor's house in the middle of the night and see the car of a single woman from the church parked in his driveway, I shouldn't assume, "Hmm, I bet they're having an affair."  That's judging without knowing the truth.  There could be many reasons her car is there.  Maybe the pastor and his wife are giving her counsel.  Maybe the pastor's family's car is in the shop and they're borrowing hers.  Maybe her car is broken and the pastor offered to fix it for her.  Maybe it's not even her car!  There could be a lot of possibilities, so we shouldn't jump to the worst conclusion.  

     People use the "don't judge" card to rebuke anyone whose opinion differs from their own.  It's meant to shame anyone who doesn't agree with them.  Shaming is a big deal in this day and age.  We have an ultra-sensitive society where any criticism is perceived as mean-spirited shaming.  That's just not the truth.  Even so, these people hypocritically turn around and shame those who disagree with them by accusing them of judging.  What they're actually saying is, "You're not allowed to have an opinion that differs from mine."  Is that mature or fair?  No!  Is that right?  No!  Nobody has the right to tell you what you're allowed to feel or think about something.  

     What does the Bible actually say about this?  Second Timothy 2:15 says, "Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth."  Rightly dividing the word of truth means correctly applying the Bible to situations.  It's making a judgment according to God's word.  That kind of judging is not only allowed by God, but commanded!  In the next chapter, it says in Second Timothy 3:16 that all scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is useful for doctrine [knowing what truth is], for reproof [rebuking those in sin], correction [pointing out where someone is off-base], and instruction in righteousness [helping that person back onto the right path]."  God says we are to use His word to correct those in sin.  Nowhere does it say that sin is acceptable.  Nowhere does it say we are to ignore sin.  Many people use examples such as, "Jesus was friends with those in sin."  Yes, He was, and we should be too.  But we must remember that Jesus told them "Go and sin no more."  He didn't think their sin was okay.  God's word remains true.  God never contradicts His written word.  I've met people who say it's "legalistic" to hold to the Bible.  They are wrong.  Legalism is putting man-made rules as higher importance than loving people.  But following what God has said in His word is not legalism.  Matthew 5:18 says, "...till heaven and earth pass away, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled."  God's law remains.  The law can't save us.  It never could.  We are sinners.  God's grace saves us, made possible by Jesus' death on the cross.  But He doesn't save us to give us the freedom to sin.  He saves us to rescue us from the power of sin.  

     Since God's word gives us permission (actually commands us!) to correct those in sin, I'm going to go out on a limb here.  

     One of my favorite Christian singers as a teenager in the 90's was Ray Boltz.  His songs contained deep theological truths.  Jesus was glorified through his deeply biblical lyrics.  His career started to wane when I was in my twenties in the early 2000's.  I kind of lost track of him after his last album came out in 2002.  Then, in 2008, he made headlines by coming out to the public as homosexual.  He had come out to his family a few years earlier.  Though he and his wife enjoyed a happy marriage of over thirty years, and remain on good terms, they divorced when he came out publicly.  

The cover of my all-time favorite Ray Boltz album, 1995.  This album includes his huge hit, "I Pledge Allegiance to the Lamb."   This entire album can be heard by clicking on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lCiaScpuVU

     I still love his Christian songs from the 90's.  A lot of his songs are up on YouTube, and I'll play them while I work on writing.  They minister to me as much now as they did then.  But what's interesting about it is that you can read people's comments.  For almost every song, someone comments about his current lifestyle.  Some people comment that we need to pray for his repentance.  Others comment (usually vehemently and angrily) that we can't judge him.  Here is my take on that.  It's true that we can't judge (make false assumptions about) his heart or experiences, because we can't see those.  I can't imagine how much he struggled over the years.  However, according to Second Timothy 2:15, I need to rightly divide the word of truth--use the Bible's teaching to form an opinion about this.  Both the Old and New Testament refer to acting on homosexuality as a sin (Leviticus 18:22 and Romans chapter 1, for starters).  The feelings themselves are not a sin, but are a propensity toward a particular sin, just like I was born with a propensity to lie, that had to be overcome in the Holy Spirit.  I've heard excuses made for these passages about homosexuality.  I've heard people say that the Old Testament passages don't count because we're under grace.  However, that contradicts what I stated earlier from Matthew 5:18.  It also ignores the fact that grace doesn't free us from righteousness, but from the power of sin.  I've heard people say that the New Testament passages really don't refer to homosexuality, but to people who molest children, and that these passages were translated improperly.  However, again, this doesn't go with the rest of scripture.  The passage from Romans 1 refers to a digression into this lifestyle.  I've also heard some people point out that Jesus was silent on the issue of homosexuality.  Their logic is that Jesus is at least neutral, if not open to it.  But if you listen to what's not there, it's pretty important.  Jesus referred to marriage as being between one man and one woman for life (Matthew 19:4-6), and that those who couldn't accept it should remain unmarried (Matthew 19:11).  In fact, the book of Genesis, the very creation of humanity, involved men and women being in lifelong relationship as husband and wife.  There is never a reference in scripture made such as "Husbands love your wives, or your husbands if you happen to be gay."  It just isn't there.  No validity is given to gay relationships, even if you did remove all the passages that proclaim it to be a sin (which you shouldn't do anyway).  

     In the case of Ray Boltz, his story goes like this (according to him):  He struggled with same-sex attraction for years.  He was ashamed and never told a soul, not even his wife of over thirty years.  He had a happy life, ministry, and family.  But deep inside, he tried to fight his attraction to men.  There is no point in his own story that he shares about getting any kind of help or accountability.  He just tried to silently fight it.  Then, as he hit middle age, he went into a very deep depression and finally came clean.  With his wife's agreement, he ended his marriage and embraced a lifestyle that he had formerly believed to be a sin.  Let's look at that a moment.

     Homosexuality is such a buzzword these days.  Let's take it out of his story for a second in order to see more objectively.  Let's just say that this man struggled for years with something that went against his beliefs.  He struggled under the surface, never confessing or telling a soul.  He finally couldn't take it anymore, so he broke his marriage vows and embraced something he formerly disagreed with.  Does that sound right?  There's never a point where he reads the Bible and says, "Wow, I've been wrong about this,  I guess it's okay for me to act on this" It isn't in there.  He changes his views based on his experience.  I love the saying, "We're only as sick as our secrets."  He should have been getting accountability over the years.  We were never meant to handle things on our own.  James 5:16 says, "Confess your sins one to another, and pray for each other, that you may be healed."  That is missing from Ray's story.  

     I have known some delightful people who were gay and lesbian.  I do not believe homosexuals are inferior or worse than anyone else.  I truly don't.  We all have sin we are predisposed to.  But victory is possible (First Corinthians 10:13, which I shared earlier).  Jesus said in Luke 9:36, "If anyone will come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me."  That means all of us.  Homosexuals are not exempt from this.  This passage would lead me to believe that if someone struggles with same-sex attraction, he needs to deny himself that desire and choose to follow Jesus.  That is exactly what a single person who has deeply sexual desires needs to do with those desires.  That's what a married person who has eyes for someone besides their spouse needs to do. It's what I needed to do one summer many years ago at camp when I was tempted to steal a coke from a broken vending machine. Feeling those things isn't the sin.  It's indulging (and I didn't steal the coke!).  I personally believe some of the people who will receive some of the greatest rewards in heaven will be those who did exactly what Jesus asks--they denied these desires, even as the world told them it was right and good for them to indulge.  

     Some people harp on Christians and say we talk too much about homosexuality these days.  I believe the only reason we mention it is because the agenda is being shoved under our noses constantly.  Our rights to even disagree with it are threatened.  Gay couples are going to churches and demanding to be married, then raising hell when pastors politely decline.  Christian bakers and photographers are being sued for politely declining to take part in homosexual weddings.  We are being bullied.  You don't see Christians going into a Mosque and demanding them to perform a Christian ceremony for us and then suing them for declining.  Yet that's what many of these militant folks from the LGBT(etc) community are doing to Christian churches (and I know not everyone in this community are doing it.  In fact, the true majority of homosexuals are just regular folks, getting up every day, doing their jobs, and going home, and are not politically militant).  Public schools are being required to teach kids to embrace homosexuality (even on the preschool level--I have worked in it and have seen it firsthand).  What other group is pushing this?  Do you see Rabbis forcing schools to celebrate Hanukkah (which wouldn't be a bad idea, actually)?  Do you see the National Association of Realtors going into schools and requiring kids to learn how to sell houses?  Of course not!  There is a forcing going on here.  I once had my car vandalized by gay activists.  In light of all this stuff going on, we have to address it.  Not only that, but we need a biblical answer for those who are struggling and have questions.  

     I recently read an article about a woman who purports herself to be a born-again Christian, and I have no cause to doubt that.  She said for many years, she believed homosexuality, as well as transgenderism, to be against God's will.  However, then she had an experience.  She proceeded to take this experience and reinterpret the Bible, much as Ray Boltz did.  This woman had four sons.  The youngest boy, Joseph, started displaying effeminate qualities as a baby.  This made the mother uncomfortable.  Others started noticing as he got older, and asked the mother, "Is your kid gay or something?"  This was very humiliating for her.  When Joseph could talk, he began insisting he was a girl.  He tried to wear dresses and girl underwear (which he got off a doll).  The mother was beside herself, affirming Joseph was a boy.  There is no mention of Joseph's father, or how he felt about this.  Finally, this child wore his down, and when Joseph was four, the mom let him transition to considering himself a girl.  There was a name change.  Joseph now wears dresses and has long hair.  Since he's only six years old, he looks like a cute little girl right now.  Puberty will change that.  And even now, under the dresses, are male sex organs.  Now, this mother claims that she is being "persecuted" by her fellow Christians.  I find it hard to believe she is really being persecuted (as in death threats or violence) from Christian people.  She is being disagreed with and doesn't like it.  Joseph was born with male parts.  There is nothing else to it.  That is what determines whether a person is male or female.  You can't be born with the wrong parts.  A person's parts tell us what they are.  A fork can't claim to be a spoon with the wrong parts.  The prongs make it a fork.  Enough said.  I can't claim to understand all the ins and outs that go on with someone who feels that they are a different sex than their body reveals them to be.  I'm no expert.  I can't "judge" (make assumptions about) what they feel and experience inside, nor can I "judge" what Joseph's mother went through in order to draw the conclusions she did.  But I know that God makes no mistakes.  He doesn't create females with male parts.  If you believe in that, you can't believe God is perfect or holy, or that His word is true.  I believe Jesus can comfort and help those who struggle with feeling they are a different sex than their body parts would reveal.  Jesus experienced being God, confined to a human body.  He can give the grace needed.  Joseph's mother did not do any personal Bible study on this issue at all.  She claims that, as she went through this battle with Joseph's identity, she just studied the way Jesus treated people, with kindness and love, whereas the Pharisees were hard on others.  That's how she decided her son was a girl.  She completely ignored that Jesus loved people while redeeming them from sin.  She ignored the fact that the Pharisees were following man-made laws, not God's laws.  She chose to believe this cancelled out God's laws completely.  She used the legalism card, calling those who hold to what God says as legalistic and comparing them to Pharisees.  I honestly feel sorry for Joseph.  He has a rough life ahead of him.  There are eternal consequences for these decisions.  

     A few years ago, I was in a Bible study.  We were going through Romans 1.  That passage is very clear that homosexuality is not God's plan.  But instead of following what the Bible actually said, these Christian people in the study took the passage to mean all these politically-correct falsehoods.  They were saying things like, "Well, I think this passage means Christians need to stop judging the poor, sweet, innocent homosexual agenda."  They were getting more and more down on Christians.  My spirit was very troubled, and I knew I had to speak. I half-expected rotten fruit to fly my direction, but I built the case I made above, and to my surprise everyone stopped short and listened.  What's more, they all said I was right, and completely changed their tune.  These were Bible-believing Christians.  Yet they were so deceived by the false statements they'd been fed that they were just going along with it.  Parroting the party line.  A reminder of the truth turned them back.  Gave them pause to think about it.

     Entirely off of homosexuality, people use the "don't judge" card on other topics as well.  One of my students, whom I have previous mentioned in my blog, comes from a home with a nominal Catholic mother who has taught her son that all religions are the same, and that you can't judge religions.  This boy brought that into the classroom.  This boy would spout that out any time I spoke an absolute truth.  We read the missionary story about Amy Carmichael, who led Hindus to the Lord in India. This boy was outraged and said, "She can't do that!  That's judging religions!"  I just asked him, "Who says she can't?"  He didn't have an answer.  He also got very angry when I said that every knee would one day bow, and every tongue would confess that Jesus Christ is Lord.  He yelled, "God can't judge other religions like that!"  I said, "God can do whatever He wants.  He's God, and He never asked your opinion."  This shut him up.  When it comes to other religions, we need to be kind, but rightly divide the word of truth!  This boy is now a Christian, as I shared in my last blog post!

Amy Carmichael

     All the previous falsely-used phrases ("God won't give you more than you can handle," "God wants you to be happy," "God helps those who help themselves.") play into this final one of "Don't Judge".  People swallow these first lies, and then they're ready to accept things they would never have accepted.  And if people know the truth about these things, they'll know what to do when they're faced with these hard issues.  

Hard-Fought Victory

     Ever work incredibly hard, amidst great challenges, and wonder why?  Why bother?  What good am I doing?  I've faced that recently.  You may have read my March 22 post "Tightrope."  I'll summarize, but I still encourage you to read the whole story.

     I teach fifth grade at a small Christian school.  One of my students is being raised by a mostly irreligious mother and strongly influenced by Mormon friends.  He attends the Mormon Church more than anywhere.  And yet he also attends our Evangelical Christian School.  His mother has taught him that all religious are the same and equally valid as far as God is concerned.  This boy has also been very vocal in opposing me during Bible.  He has been a very verbal fan of Adolf Hitler, and also of Mormonism.  He wrote a very disrespectful essay about me as his teacher.

     You know what they say, things get worse before they get better.  During the course of Bible one day, he spoke out defiantly, "I think I'd kind of like to go to hell, because you could roast marshmallows on the fire there."  The other kids all gasped at his impertinence.  I gently told him what the Bible says about hell.  Second Thessalonians 1:9 says that those in hell will be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord.  I explained that all good things (including marshmallows) are gifts from God (James 1:17).  So to be away from God's presence means torment and pain for eternity with no relief.  Nothing to look forward to.  No joy.  No goodness.  I told him that the unsaved, ultimately, are thrown into a lake of fire for all eternity.  He grew quiet at this.  I had no idea what was getting through.  He has said many times that God is mean to make people go to hell.  I have pointed out again that God didn't create hell for people, but for Satan and his followers.  Our sin separates from a Holy God, but God made an escape from hell by sending Jesus.  God wants everyone to turn from their sin and embrace Christ.  Second Peter 3:9 says that God is not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.  I explained, though, that the choice is ours.  I let that simmer.

     We had been reading many missionary biographies.  Most recently, we read about Jim Elliot, who was martyred in Ecuador in 1956 while trying to reach the violent Auca Indian tribe with the gospel.  Because of his witness and legacy, the Auca tribe are now largely Christian, including the man who speared him. The Aucas are now referred to the Waodani, meaning "true people."

Jim Elliot

     As we read Jim Elliot's exciting biography, the class had no idea how the story ended for Jim.  They were convinced he was going to see the Aucas receive Christ and live happily ever after.  When we reached the end, and how Jim and his four companions gave their lives in trying to reach these people, and how their wives remained and shared the gospel with them later, there wasn't a dry eye in the classroom.  This boy who wanted to go to hell looked very serious and said, "I think I want to be a missionary like Jim Elliot."

     The next day, he came into class with an entirely different frame of mind.  He was quiet, thoughtful, respectful and humble.  I thought, "He's planning his next attack."  But I was wrong...and glad to be.  About halfway through the day, he raised his hand.

     "Yes?"

     "Can I share something with the class?"

     I was half-concerned it would be more Hitler "fun facts" or espousing Mormonism.  But his whole new attitude was curious, so I said yes.  He stood up.

     "I didn't believe in Jesus before.  Even though I prayed a prayer a long time ago, I didn't mean it.  But now I do.  Last night, I was thinking about Jesus at home, and I realized that I do want Him as my Savior, so I asked Him to come into my heart--for real this time."

     Everyone in the class broke into applause.  He wrote the date of his salvation on the inside cover of his Bible.  April 11, 2019.  Even though it has been a little less than a week, I have seen tremendous change.  He has continued being sweet and respectful to everyone.  He hasn't brought up Hitler or anything else controversial.  During Bible time, he sides with God's people, instead of the enemies.  He used to not care about his grads, or even try.  But this week, he got an A on a math test (he used to get F's and not care).  

     When I see this miracle--this hard-fought victory--taking place before my eyes, I'm reminded of WHY.  Why I'm in this battle.  Why all believers are in it.  Because they're worth it.  All human life is worth saving.  Jesus settled that on the cross.  I am so thankful all of my students are now on their way to Heaven!

Love Story

     If there was any mortal I was taught to revere, it was him.  And why not?  My own mother came to Christ as a result of his story (shortly after it happened).  The ministry I worked for had his biography as an illustrated kids story we shared in our Good News Clubs.  One of our most respected teachers at Institute had actually known him personally. I am currently reading his biography with my fifth grade class at the Christian School.  He had given his all--his very life, as it turned out--for the sake of the gospel.  I am referring to Jim Elliot (and, to a secondary degree, his wife Elisabeth).

Jim Elliot

Elisabeth and Jim Elliot--their love story has inspired countless couples.

     I'll give a synopsis about Jim Elliott's amazing story in the next paragraph, but my main intent in this post is to interact with it--both the good and the bad.  Beautiful things come out of these remarkable stories...but very bad things come out of trying to follow God's plan for your role model's life instead of your own.  So many lessons from this story have impacted me, and those around me.

     Jim Elliot was born in Oregon in 1927. He grew up in a strongly Christian home, coming to Christ himself at age 6.  He was a very focused, goal-oriented person.  He knew early on that he was called to the mission field, and his entire life was in preparation of this eventuality.  He avoided anything that didn't directly contribute to that end.  He was a very spiritually-minded young man.  In Bible college, he was known to approach random people and ask, "What's your verse of the day?"  Needless to say, many people avoided him, not wanting to be accosted with a question they weren't prepared to answer.  He refused to attend football games, or anything entertaining that didn't serve a spiritual purpose.  Dating was on the top of that list.  He was certain he was called to be single.  He believed he could serve the Lord better as a single man.  He looked down on those who dated as weaker Christians.  But then he met Elisabeth, his roommate's sister.  His convictions didn't exactly go out the window, but they were challenged--rightfully so.  Jim and Elisabeth had a blossoming romance, being involved in several ministries together on campus.  They eventually confessed their love for each other.  Both Jim and Elisabeth were very missions-minded, and also very surrendered to God's will.  As such, they concluded that, even though they were in love, they chose to hold off on their relationship until God made His will clear to them both.  Eventually, God separately led them both to Ecuador.  Being reunited there, they married in 1953 and served together.  Just a few years later, in 1956, Jim Elliot and four other men were brutally murdered, trying to bring the gospel to the ruthless Auca Indians.  Elisabeth Elliot remained in Ecuador, and continued ministering to the men who had killed her husband.  As a result, many came to Christ, including the man who had speared the missionaries to death.  

     I greatly admire Jim and Elizabeth's commitment to the Lord and His calling on their lives.  So few believers I know make a concentrated effort to seek God's plan for their lives.  Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future."  God has a specific plan for all believers' lives.  Ultimately, God's will and counsels stand (Isaiah 46:10).  However, we will only know joy and fulfillment in our lives as we seek to deliberately follow God and His will.  I believe this is very specific.  Daily.  Luke 9:23 says that to come after Jesus, we are to deny ourselves, take up our crosses daily, and follow Him.  Christianity was never meant to be a passive life of just doing what we want and letting God do His thing.  We interact with Him.  We enter into Him.  God wants a love relationship with us.  Jim and Elisabeth Elliot definitely had that walk of faith.  I admire them seeking God's will above their own desires, and not taking for granted that God's will was their will.  Much can be learned about surrender from their example.  This is important to me.  

     Many of my friends got into the weak theology that was very passive, rather than active ("You can do whatever you want as long as it isn't sin, and God will override all that isn't His will.")  No prayer or interaction with the Lord.  That scares me.  It is a joyless way to live, and is only appealing to people who want to disobey the Lord's specific leading in their lives.  This is why Jim and Elisabeth's faith was so refreshing. When I was single, I firmly believed God had the right man for me (and He did), but that He (God) would do it.  My job was to walk with Him.  First Thessalonians 5:24 says, "Faithful is him that calleth you, who also will do it."  I believe God Sovereignly works in our lives.  We need to seek Him and know Him, and leave the results up to Him. Proverbs 3:5 says to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding.  He guides our actions, and we respond in faith and obedience.  This applies to every area of life, not just waiting for your spouse.  I can't claim to completely understand the mystery of God's Sovereignty, but I know He desires our hearts. Jim and Elisabeth had that mastered.  

     Jim's ultimate surrender of his life for the gospel is a complete inspiration.  John 15:13 says, "Greater love hath no one than this, than to lay down his life for his friends."  I am certain Jim heard Jesus say, "Well done, good and faithful servant."  Also, Elizabeth's ability to remain on the field and continue evangelizing these people is a testimony of God's grace.  These people are very faithful servants of the Lord.  I respect them for this.

     Not everything from their story has had a good effect in my life.

     While I think it was wonderful that they were committed to God's will for them, some second-guessing is just too much.  God clearly led them both to the same Christian college, gave them the same calling and passions for ministry,  and gave them a deep love for each other.  I think that's worth examining.  Only God really knows if they should have gotten married sooner.  I'm not accountable for their story, but as an outside observer to the story, I think it appears God was bringing them together. They ultimately ended up married.  There are two possibilities.  Either they truly were obedient in waiting for God's timing, or God wanted them together in the first place, they blew the opportunity, and God gave them another chance.  Either way, God honored their surrendered attitudes.  

     This couple seems to have put themselves through a lot of unnecessary emotional torture.  This seems to have been instigated by Jim.  He had some real hangups about marriage that he had to overcome.  Before he met Elisabeth, he was completely convinced that the single life was spiritually superior.  He asked a lot of Elisabeth, having her wait indefinitely.  Personally, I wouldn't have gone along with that.  I ended relationships in the past because the men I dated weren't committing.  Even Jim's mother told Elisabeth to demand he fish or cut bait, but she couldn't bring herself to do it.  Perhaps when something is God's will, those involved have the grace to hang on.  

     Part of the reason I feel free to critique their relationship is because I have read Elizabeth's book, Passion and Purity.  In this book, Elisabeth details her relationship with Jim, using it as a pattern for how godly relationships should be.  That's where I have a problem.  God works in our lives differently.  We can't hold up one person's story as a model of how you're supposed to do things.  The Bible is sufficient for that.  People's stories can encourage us, but they can't be our pattern.  We're supposed to be patterned after Jesus (Romans 8:29-30).  

     Jim Elliot himself had his struggles.  Like all of God's children, he wrestled with his flaws, and grew in grace over time.  At times, he seemed quite pompous.  He was constantly rebuking others, including Elisabeth (something else I'm not sure I could have tolerated).  As I've read his biography to my 5th graders, they've become a little outraged at points, recognizing his pride (they call it, "Being too strict with himself and everyone else.").  

     As I have shared, I knew Jim's story for much of my life, I didn't read Passion and Purity until I was 20.  I had just gone through an earth-shattering breakup.  This man had been manipulative, indecisive, inappropriate, and really kept me waiting without commitment. He had overstepped his bounds on several counts.  We knew each other through ministry, and had shared a lot of emotional and spiritual highs.  Everyone in the ministry thought highly of him, and that I was the problem.  When I confronted him, everyone was angry at me.  I was in so much confusion and pain.  I needed clarity.  I needed to have someone hear me and tell me I was good and acceptable.  I needed to be told not to be ashamed.  That's when a good friend recommended Elisabeth Elliot's book.  

     The book was a very painful read at that time.  Here I had just stood up to a boyfriend who was wasting my time not commuting (and lost him), and I'm reading this Christian book about an arrogant guy who keeps his girlfriend in a 5-year holding pattern, and that was held up as spiritual and right.  The book proclaimed that women shouldn't question men.  In other words, according to that book, I had been sinful not to allow this boyfriend to manipulate me.  Instead of the validation I needed, I felt like I was being yelled at by a mean teacher.  Because I had been led to highly regard the Elliots, I was so perplexed.  Had I been wrong to put my foot down with this guy?  Was it right for men to be hurtful and misleading to women?  

     I got through that time with God's word.  I came to conclude that we don't need books of dating advice.  We need more time in the Bible, drawing close to the Lord, being led by His Holy Spirit.  You see, I concluded I'm not so different from Jim and Elisabeth.  They were trying very hard to discern God's will and act on it.  That is exactly what I was doing.  God may have led me differently than He led Elisabeth, but that's okay.  I'm not Elisabeth.  I'm me.  

     I also concluded that Jim Elliot, though flawed, was nothing like the hurtful boyfriend I knew through missions.  Jim Elliot never overstepped bounds in the ways this guy had.  And even if he kept Elisabeth waiting, he had at least declared his love, and made his situation clear.  Jim Elliot was committed to his calling.  The boyfriend had been wishy washy about all of it.  Not in any way would the Elliots condone the way he had acted.  That wasn't what Elisabeth had been trying to say in her book.  

     In conclusion, we can admire Jim Elliot.  Like all heroes of the faith, he had all the weaknesses that came with being human.   He let God work in him, and growth in grace was evident.  I now take his story as an encouragement about God's Sovereignty and grace in our lives.