The Gift of Poverty

     Counting blessings seldom includes poverty, or any other sort of lack.  But just this week, I realized that poverty was responsible for some of my greatest gains--gains that could never be bought.

     During the Great Recession of the late 2000's and early 2010's, I lost everything, including a beautiful house in my hometown (Riverside, California), right near all the ministries I was involved in.  Everything had been going so well. I had been so happy.  God seemed to be doing so much in my life.  Why take it all away?  I still can't totally answer that, but I see a much bigger picture now.  I was forced to move into a tiny manufactured home in a much smaller town half an hour away (in the unique part of Southern California that was on the cusp of both the mountains (thus getting snow) and the desert (thus getting triple-digit summers).  There were times I only had enough food for one meal a day, or even days without food at all.  Every last cent went to pay the bills.  People who say the Great Recession wasn't as bad as the Great Depression of the 1930's clearly did not have my experiences.  My ministry seemed to be suffering, as I was further away, and I was forced to get another job at the local YMCA.  A local ministry in my new town that I got involved in didn't fulfill me the way my other ministries did.  I was so deeply insecure from having lost everything that I had a hard time connecting with others.  One woman I did ministry with gave me a very hard time, and went out of her way to make me feel excluded.  Mentally, I cursed the Recession, blaming it for all my misery (because we always have to cast blame, right?).  I longed to move back to my hometown.  A lifetime of joy and seeing God work were there.  I just didn't understand this at all.

My hometown, Riverside, California.  All the significant events in my life had happened here prior to the Recession

My "new" small-town, Yucaipa, California.  So many wonderful things happened there, though I wouldn't have guessed it at first.  I now miss it as much as I miss Riverside, but in different ways and for different reasons.

     On the worst of days, I would fantasize about getting a check in the mail for a million dollars.  I would imagine all the things I would do with it.  It became an unhealthy obsession, and I eventually realized I wasn't trusting in God.  I tried really hard to break that habit, but my mind still went there at times.

     It did get better, slowly but surely.  And, in hindsight (which isn't completely 20/20), I can see what a miraculous time that was in my life.  Poverty brought me SO many blessings I would NEVER have had if I'd remained in my hometown, doing the same ministries.  I had this picture in my mind of how God would do things for me, but His plan was totally different. In my life, a million dollars would have been a handicap from the true blessings God wanted to give me.  Losing everything was God's way of saying "I love you."  For example...

     *Yucaipa, my new town, was the furthest I'd ever lived from Los Angeles (at the time).  I was surrounded by amazing scenery.  I would often take scenic walks and drives (when I could afford the gas).  These times of solitude among the pine trees, or in the enchanting desert to the east brought some of the best fellowship with God I ever had in my life.  I wouldn't have really thought to see these places if I were still in the city.

      *I made some of the best friends in my life at my YMCA job!  I'm still very close with them now, and we keep in touch. Many were outstanding Christian people who blessed me beyond measure.  I also really grew professionally at the YMCA, something that I hadn't been able to do in ministry (mainly because, sorry to say, but ministries are seldom run professionally).  Some of my YMCA friends might laugh at me calling the Y professional, but to me, it really was.  I grew in confidence.  I had opportunities to minister (even though the Y really wasn't very Christian by that point).  I grew to love that job.  I was shown a lot more grace in that job than I had been shown in some of the ministry situations I had been in.  One other blessing was that the YMCA provided a "supper" for the children in our care, and this gave me a chance to eat too, which helped with the grocery bill.  I didn't need to buy as much food because I was fed five meals a week there. The YMCA was a means of God's grace in my life.

The Redlands YMCA...my job for 5 amazing years

     *I made some other "best friends of my life" in my new town, over time.  After a difficult Bible study ministry (which did bear fruit, but also had a lot of battles), I joined Celebrate Recovery, which brought me a lot of healing from past wounds (mainly wounds I got in ministry, again, sad to say).  At Celebrate Recovery, I made amazing Christian friends, and for the first time in my adult life, I was mentored by someone, instead of being the one mentoring.  It felt good.  I had true accountability partners (not just friends who called themselves that in order to nag or control each other).  My relationships vastly improved.  I must also add that even in that difficult Bible study ministry, I made lifelong friends, who bless me tremendously!

     *In a round-about way, I met my husband Walter through Celebrate Recovery (he wasn't in it, but, as I said, it's a round-about way).  In fact, I wouldn't have been ready to be the right kind of wife had I not gone through all I had, and then gone through mentoring and discipleship at Celebrate Recovery.  God knew exactly what He was doing when He had me lose everything.  Because I gained so much more than I ever lost!  Sometimes, we have to lose our lives to save them.

Our wedding photo

     God has continued to use finances (or sometimes lack thereof) as a means to guidance.  Even in  our married lives, we have seen that, and it is exciting to know God's always up to something.  And He ALWAYS meets our needs (Philippians 4:19 My God shall supply all your needs, according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus).  I think that's what the Apostle Paul was getting at in the book of Philippians, when he said he know how to be "abased" and "abound".  "Everywhere and in all things, I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need." (Philippians 4:12).