Salvation Cops

     I recently had a very interesting conversation with my friend Karen.  She and I have a lot of in-depth conversations about very interesting topics.  This particular subject involved the church God has led her and her family to attend.

      Karen and I have been friends for almost twenty years.  We're originally from the same area in California.  We have much in common, including our church backgrounds.  Both of us grew up in churches (and continued into adulthood attending such churches) that taught that believers are eternally secure in Christ, unable to lose their salvation.  We both still believe this.

     In recent years, both Karen and I have moved around a bit.  In my case, my husband and I spent two years in South Dakota, one year in New Mexico, and have settled (hopefully permanently) in Texas.  Our moves were a result of my husband's pursuit of his graduate studies, and he now has a job in his field.  In Karen's case, the moves involved her husband's work.  They are more or less permanently settled in Missouri now.  We haven't seen each other in the flesh in years, but we write letters and send emails quite a bit.  One subject we discuss a lot is churches.  One aspect of moving is finding the church God wants us at, where we can fellowship, be fed spiritually, and serve.  The church Karen and her husband have recently joined in Missouri is part of the Nazarene denomination, as have been the churches in the last few states they've lived in.  The Nazarene church is a Christian denomination which believes it is possible for a believer to become an apostate (or, backslide so greatly that they cease to be a Christian).  While Karen doesn't believe this, it hasn't been a problem at all in the churches they have been led to.  She has gotten clear, biblical teaching.  Their family is being blessed by it.  She said that, while she is aware of their position on this theological issue, they don't harp on it.  They simply teach the Word, which is exactly what a good church should do.

     Through the course of our conversation, she brought up something I thought was very insightful.  She said that, in her experience, churches that believe we are eternally secure put much greater emphasis on "making sure" your'e really saved than the churches that believe you can lose it.  You'd think it would be the other way around, but it isn't.  As a lifelong Baptist, I can attest to that.  I have sat through so many alter calls (especially at summer camp) where the preacher would first give an invitation to be saved, followed by an upped ante.  One year at camp, the preacher tried to cast doubt on our salvation: "If you remember receiving Christ, but can't remember the exact date, come forward today and settle that with the Lord."  When only a few responded to this, he took it a step further, "If you remember a time and date that you received Christ, but you aren't 100% sure you really, truly meant it, come forward now, and mean it!"  I think this was overkill.  I'm am 100% in favor of sharing the gospel clearly and giving people the opportunity to receive Christ.  I'm also in favor of people making assurance of their salvation (that's biblical: Second Peter 1:10 Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure...) What I am not in favor of is intentionally casting doubt.  It is the Holy Spirit's job to convict us, and to give us assurance of our salvation.  Humans are called to speak the truth, but we can't make anyone have conviction or assurance.

     In truth, churches that differ on the issue of eternal security have more in common than they realize.  The issue of losing our salvation only really seems to come up in discussions involving carnal people who claim to be Christians.  The "once-saved, always saved" side (which I am on) would say, "Oh, they were never saved to begin with."  The side that claims you can lose your salvation says, "They must have lost their salvation."  Both sides are really saying the same thing.  They're asserting that this person in question is not a Christian.  Whether they lost it or never had it, everyone agrees this person isn't really saved.  They've all become the salvation cops.  That's what I want to address.

     How are we to know someone else's heart?  We are right to be concerned if someone claims Christ, but their life doesn't follow that claim.  If someone says, "I'm a Christian," but they also claim to believe Buddha and Mohammed are also equal to Christ, we can claim from the Word of God that this person isn't a Christian, because John 14:6 says, I [Jesus] am the way, the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father, except through me.  The same is true for anyone who claims to be a Christian but then says something theologically in opposition to what the Bible teaches about salvation. We can take the Bible's authority and consider this person an unbeliever.  Salvation isn't about works (Ephesians 2:8-9).  It's what you do with Jesus Christ.  That is why we have biblical authority to consider someone an unbeliever if they claim something false about Jesus.  However, if someone claiming to be a Christian is in sin, we shouldn't be so quick to decide they aren't saved (whether we would be apt to believe they never were, or that they lost it).  Christians still sin.  We all do.  We're not the salvation cops.  If Christians didn't still sin, Jesus would never have said what He did in Matthew 18:15-20.  In this passage, He gives instructions for dealing with believers in sin.  According to this passage, we are to confront privately when a brother or sister falls into sin.  If the person won't hear us, we are to bring along a couple of others and try again.  If they won't listen, then it goes before the church, and if they still aren't repentant, they are to be treated as an unbeliever.  It doesn't mean they are an unbeliever.  It means they are no longer in fellowship.  At any time, they can repent, and be welcomed back.  In all my years as a Christian, I have never, ever seen this process applied to the fullest extent, and very seldom seen it done according to Jesus' instruction anyway.  I have seen leaders being too passive and allowing sin to continue, misusing grace...OR, I have seen leaders being very quick to confront, to the point that they just skipped all the steps and kicked people out without any warning, often when they weren't even in sin, but just didn't fit into the leader's plans.  One time, in a church I was a part of, I know that the pastor confronted someone in sin.  This person was unrepentant, but knew the Matthew 18 passage that was being applied, and just decided to leave after the initial confrontation.  This was the only instance I know of where it was even started in the biblical way.  My husband has shared that at the Bible college he attended, they would use this biblical process, but not for biblical reasons.  They confronted anyone and everyone for "stumbling" others.  In one case, it was a girl whose offence was showing up in morning classes with wet hair.  The "stumbling" was because people knew it was wet from taking a shower, and that made a particular guy mentally visualize her naked in the shower.  I am all for modesty, but this was quite a stretch. Showing up with wet hair, while unprofessional, is not a sin, and not even sexually immodest.  In this case, I believe the guy who claimed to be "stumbled" was the one in the wrong.  He was choosing lust, and using his supposed "stumbling" to control someone else.

     Matthew 7:16 says you shall know them by their fruit.  If someone's life really isn't bearing fruitful evidence of their salvation, it does make us wonder.  The great reformer John Calvin said, "It is therefore faith alone which justifies, and yet the faith which justifies is not alone."  This means that a godly lifestyle is a result of salvation (not the other way around).  This echoes what the apostle James said in James 2:26, ...faith without works is dead.  True, saving faith will produce godliness in believers.  It's okay to be a fruit inspector.  It isn't okay to decide flat-out that the person isn't a Christian.  We can't see what's going on inside their heart.  Maybe the presence of the Holy Spirit in them is what's keeping them from being much worse than they are.  When we start putting qualifiers on people's salvation that are based on their behavior or performance instead of the grace of God in Christ Jesus, we are making Christianity into a works-based religion. 

     As we have seen, there are biblical ways for handling a professing Christian who is not living a Christian lifestyle.  Talking about them and doubting their salvation isn't one of them.  Casting spiritual doubt on them isn't one of them.  I have doubted certain people's salvation before, but the longer I walk with the Lord, the more I think that isn't right of me.  I can acknowledge that their sin is hurtful to me, but if they are professing Jesus as their Savior, all I can do is pray for them.  First Corinthians 12:3 says, Therefore I want you to know that no one who is speaking by the Spirit of God says, "Jesus be cursed," and no one can say, "Jesus is Lord," except by the Holy Spirit.  That's where the rubber meets the road.  It doesn't say an believer won't sin.  It's about what we do with Jesus Christ.  It is by grace through faith, not works.  Believing He is Lord is what determines if we're saved or not.  It's all about Jesus!

Forgivable?

     Is there anything that's unforgivable?  Think about it. Is there any sin that God just can't forgive?  Can't redeem?  How about sins people can't forgive?

    Matthew 12:31 says  And so I tell you, every kind of sin and slander can be forgiven, but blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven.  Let's look at that a minute.  Every kind of sin and slander is forgivable by God.  There is only one sin that can't be forgiven, and this verse tells us that it is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit.  What is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit?  That is the subject of much study and debate.  That isn't my focus here, but before moving on, I will say this.  Here are a few things I believe about this unforgivable sin (do an in-depth study of your own for more details, though).  1) If you are concerned you might have done it, you haven't.  It takes a hardened heart with no hope of redemption to commit this sin.  It isn't something you do by accident.  2) It is a very specific sin, distinct from other sins. If it was just some other sin, Jesus would have referred to it by its name, not made up a new name for it.  It blasphemy against the Holy Spirit were murdering someone, for example, Jesus would have simply said that murder couldn't be forgiven.  He wouldn't have given it this mysterious title of blasphemy of the Holy Spirit.  3) I don't believe it is possible for a Christian to commit this sin, for many, many reasons.  4) I believe blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is rejecting Christ's salvation and forgiveness.  As I said, if you want to know more, study it out for yourself.  There are a lot of commentaries available online these days to aid in your study.

     Getting back to my main point, every sin you can think of is forgivable by God, but we must come to God on His terms--that is, through His Son.  Once we do, every sin is forgiven and removed--"as far as the east is from the west," (Psalm 103:12).  First John 1:9 tells us If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and purify us from all unrighteousness.  We have to confess--that is, admit we are wrong, being willing to turn from that sin with God's help.  Once we do, we experience His forgiveness.  

     Forgiveness isn't just something God can do.  It's something He calls us to do.  Ephesians 4:32 tells us, Be ye kind, one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God, for Christ's sake, hath forgiven you.  We are called to forgive others, just as God has forgiven us.  Sometimes, this is hard.  It requires the empowerment of the Holy Spirit.  

     As humans, are there certain sins we categorize as unforgivable?  I run into that at times.  I'll give you two examples.  After I share these two examples, I want to examine exactly what forgiveness entails.  Briefly, for the moment, I'll say that forgiveness isn't excusing the sin.  It isn't pretending it away.  It isn't even always a restored relationship (with God it is, but not necessarily with people).  More after my examples.  

     I often listen to worship music on YouTube.  If you're familiar with YouTube, you know that it automatically selects suggestions for videos you might be interested in, based on your previous choices.  For me, it usually suggests Christian videos.  Sometimes, the suggestions are things I'm very interested in, other times, not particularly.  At some point, YouTube decided I was interested in the large Arkansas family from the discontinued television show 19 Kids and Counting.  Quite honestly, I have never followed this show or this family.  From what I know, they are my brothers and sisters in Christ.  I know their convictions are often very different than mine, but that's between each of us and God.  I truly wish them God's best blessings.  One day, though, YouTube had once again suggested a video about this family, and my curiosity was piqued.  I decided to watch.  After all, these people share my faith, and are very famous.  Why not just see what it's all about?  I happened to watch the episode where the family's oldest son gets engaged to the woman he ended up marrying. Of course, some years after this episode had been filmed (but before I saw the video on YouTube), he was publicly disgraced after some sexual scandals came out.  After that, this family appeared in tabloids everywhere.  I don't like gossip about anybody, and I didn't feel their private pain should be broadcast to the world (I don't want that for any celebrity--or any person, really).  Of course, it could be argued that they put themselves in the public eye, but still, I don't need to hear all that.  Anyway, getting back to this video I watched, I was touched by how sweet and wholesome it was, filmed long before this young man's sins were uncovered, and before he had indulged in more of it.  In the video, he was shown having very stringent standards in his courtship with his fiancee (now wife).  No kissing until the altar.  Side hugs only.  No being alone together.  These rules are not found in scripture, but I believe this family put them in place to avoid getting close to breaking biblical admonishments about purity.  There's a lot I could say about how adding to God's word is what the Pharisees did.  But that isn't my point.  There's nothing wrong with having those standards if that's what people choose, especially if it helps them avoid sin.  We all have to do what we have to do.  As I watched this young couple's relationship unfold, knowing some of the heartache that would come, I just thought, sadly, This goes to show that a person can have strict man-made standards and do everything "right" by those standards, yet fail miserably where it really counts.  I posted a comment to this effect on the video.  I added a final sentence though, that I'm so grateful for redemption.  I meant that as a general term, as well as specific.  Redemption is possible.  This man's sins are forgivable.  I don't know if they are forgiven, because I do not know if he has repented to God and those he hurt.  I don't know if lasting change has happened.  I wouldn't even try to speak to that.  But they are forgivable.  They were humiliating to himself and his family, especially his wife.  They cost him his career and television appearances.  But sexual sin isn't blasphemy against the Holy Spirit.  I don't know his heart.  I don't know if he has truly repented.  I hope so, but that's between him, his family, and God.  It isn't up to me.  I truly hope God's best for them all.  It appears he and his wife have moved forward together, and that she has chosen forgiveness.  Anyway, many people responded to my comment on this video.  Most didn't like what I said.  They objected to me using the idea of redemption in relation to this man.  They talked about how unforgivable he is, and how there can't possibly be redemption for a scum ball like him.  I can understand how they'd feel.  However, to say he can't be forgiven is overstepping bounds.  According to the Bible, he can be forgiven.  If he truly confessed his sin, he is forgiven.  Is he trustworthy?  That is another matter altogether.  I have no relationship with him whatsoever, so I can't say.  With his record, he is not capable of working in certain jobs anymore.  That is a consequence.  However, we're not talking about consequences, but redemption and forgiveness.  Biblically, his sin is forgivable.  

     My other example involves a historical figure.  Christopher Columbus.  I grew up at a time when Christopher Columbus was presented as an explorer, in a generally positive light.  In trying to find a new route to India, he encountered the Western Hemisphere.  His voyage made history.  In 1992, I was a young adolescent, and clearly recall everyone celebrating the 500th anniversary of that voyage.  I have heard mixed reports about his character.  I understand he wasn't a faithful husband.  I also understand he didn't treat the natives in the New World well.  Columbus Day has been observed every October since 1971.  I usually forget about it until I try to get the mail and realize there's no mail that day, because it is a federal holiday.  I didn't think much of it at all until I moved to South Dakota in 2016.  In that state, they refer to the holiday as "Indigenous Peoples Day" instead of Columbus Day.  I was confused as to why, and when I asked, I was met with shock.  Apparently, Columbus became a villain and I didn't get the memo.  Suddenly, everyone hates the man.  He hasn't changed since my school days, because he has been dead for centuries and has had no chance to change.  Yet the perception of him has changed.  This greatly confuses me.  I always thought we observed Columbus Day, and even learned about him in history, because of his accomplishments.  His voyage was a step toward the Western Hemisphere as we know it today.  It is a piece of our history.  That deserves some sort of recognition, no matter what wrongs he committed.  No one has ever celebrated his sins, nor should we.  Because of how he apparently treated the natives (and even that is debated as to what actually happened), his contribution to history is suddenly being disregarded.  What he did is being seen through the lens of racism.  Racism is viewed as the most unforgivable sin of the 21st century.  Real, genuine racism is a sin.  The Bible tells us that God is no respecter of persons (Acts 10:34).  Man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart (First Samuel 16:7).  God loves and wants everyone to be saved (Second Peter 3:9).  There will be people from every tribe and nation in Heaven (Revelation 7:9).  Yes, racism (or any sort of prejudice) is a sin.  But is it unforgivable?  No!  It isn't blasphemy against the Holy Spirit.  But with people, it seems to be totally unforgivable.  Not in any way am I denying the pain racism has caused people.  It is hurtful.  But bitterness and hate toward racist people makes us no better than they are.  Bitter people are the most unattractive people to me.  Especially when the one they're bitter against has been dead for five hundred years.  If Christopher Columbus truly did mistreat people (whether they were Native Americans, Spaniards, Italians, or anyone else on the planet), he sinned, and needed redemption.  That redemption was possible, if he confessed his sin and his need for Jesus Christ.  I hope he did.  I do not, in any way, minimize the pain his sin may have caused people.  He doesn't sound like an admirable person.  I'm not suggesting we worship the man, or have a high opinion of him.  I'm not even arguing for keeping Columbus Day as a "holiday".  I'm only suggesting that he sinned, and should be forgiven, especially since no one living today was affected by it (and yes, actions do affect history, so in a sense, we are affected, but we're in God's Sovereign hand), and being hateful only makes us bitter people, in need of more redemption in our own lives.  I see more hateful statements against Columbus on Facebook than I do about Hitler.  In recent years, I've seen people defend Hitler, making excuses for his wickedness, and minimizing his attempts to annihilate the Jews.  Whatever Columbus did or didn't do, he certainly wasn't trying to annihilate an entire race of people.  Why defend a man like Hitler, yet condemn Columbus?  This is inconsistent, and shows what a mixed-up world we have.  People decide for themselves what is worthy of forgiveness and redemption, and what isn't.  It isn't up to people.  It's isn't subject to 21st century protocol.  It's subject to the Bible.  Racism, sexual sin...all of it can be forgiven, according to the Bible.  It doesn't make it right or excusable.  There are dire consequences.  But we are so quick as a society today to accuse everyone of "judging" and yet that's exactly what people are doing when they claim certain people are beyond redemption.  The thief on the cross wasn't beyond redemption.  Who are we to say anyone is beyond God's love or the possibility of salvation?  Who are we to hold grudges?

     Before you look at me and say, "Well, she can talk.  She's never had to forgive these particular sins in her life," know that is not the case.  I have been the object of very humiliating sexual harassment, and the object of prejudice.  Both of these experiences were very hurtful, and were very hard for me to forgive.  I couldn't in my own strength.  I had to have God's help!  There are days when I have greater victory over these things than others.  I'm still human, doing my best with God's help.  It isn't easy, but it's very possible.  

     This same issue of people deciding what is forgivable and what isn't is what brings some Christians to claim we can lose our salvation by committing certain sins.  As I've shared in other posts, I strongly believe the Bible teaches that we are eternally secure once we come to faith in Christ. Claiming a certain sin results in lost salvation is to supersede what the Bible teaches.  There is no verse that says a particular sin will do that to us.  When people say that, they often pull a sin they think is the "worst" and use it to show how serious it is.  I've never heard an agreed consensus as to what sin would actually cause this.  That's because it isn't in the Bible.  It's just because humans can't wrap their heads around God's amazing grace and forgiveness.  

     When I say people need to forgive, what do I mean?  As I said earlier, forgiveness doesn't excuse sin.  It doesn't pretend it doesn't matter.  It acknowledges that the sin was wrong, and that it hurts.  It is looking at that sin for what it is.  It is then releasing that person off of our hook onto God's.  They aren't our responsibility anymore.  We give up the right to get even, or hate them.  Sometimes, in my life, I've had to ask God to help me forgive, because I couldn't in my own strength  That is a prayer He loves to answer.  Unforgiveness hurts you more than it hurts the object of your grudge.  God wants to free you from that bitterness.  

     Does forgiveness mean a restored relationship?  Not always.  In my first example, the young man's wife has chosen to forgive him and have a restored relationship.  I'm sure it was a hard journey for her, and I truly pray God's best for them in this. A lot of people are saying she's weak and enabling.  Maybe she is.  I have no idea, because I don't know them personally, but I want to believe the best unless I learn otherwise.  I imagine he has had to work at rebuilding the broken trust.  I have known other people who have had broken trust with a loved one, and, while they forgave immediately, trust had to be rebuilt.  There have been other cases where trust couldn't be rebuilt, because the person wasn't sorry and didn't want to rebuild.  The wronged party still chose to forgive, but they had to move on with their lives without the person who had wronged them.  In the case of Christopher Columbus, we have the advantage, because he is dead and can't do anything else to break our trust.  Since he didn't actually wrong any of us personally, it should be pretty easy to forgive him, knowing God saw everything he did or didn't do, and has dealt with it accordingly.  

     I'm so glad for God's forgiveness and redemption...for me and for everyone who comes to Him in genuine faith and repentance.  

The Joy-Giver

     It was like a miracle, really...just like in the Bible, where Jesus' hands touched a fallen mortal, releasing power and life into them, bringing hope and healing where there had only been despair and loss.  

     I walked into the room, and a feeling I had never known hit me...or perhaps I had known it once, missed it terribly, longed for it constantly, but never believed it would again be mine.  It was as if I was quite suddenly perfectly fulfilled, lacking nothing, needing nothing, wanting nothing, because it was all there.  All my hopes were fulfilled in that great Presence in that room.

     I blinked a moment.  I had changed in an instant.  All my insecurities were gone.  The tumultuous thoughts that had plagued me for months had completely dissolved.  I chanced a look around the room to see if the others noticed it too, in themselves.  The joy I saw radiated on their faces told me I wasn't imagining it.  

     It was the summer of 1997.  I was fifteen years old, between my freshman and sophomore years in high school.  The previous year had been hard.  My mother had had a short-lived cancer scare that past fall (1996).  I'll explain why in a moment, but my family was very withdrawn during this time, and we didn't turn to anyone for support.  We bore our burden alone.  The church I had more or less grown up at had died a little before this, and the church we had been going to during this time ended up having some hurtful things happen.  Now, over two decades later, all is forgiven, and I still have friends from that church.  Wonderful things happened there, and I can look back without any bad feelings at all.  But some differing opinions and personalities within the church were used by the enemy to throw the ultimate rejection at me.  That wasn't the humans' intention, but Satan will use people against each other.  Also, I was at an age when acceptance means everything, and I was just discovering who I was and what my purpose was in the world.  If the same hurtful experience happened to me today, it certainly wouldn't destroy me, but at that time, it was nothing short of a calamity.  I struggled deeply with depression, and became withdrawn.  I literally believed the best of life was behind me.  It breaks my heart that a high school freshman could feel that way.  Sometimes I retreated so deeply within myself that I wasn't responsive to outside stimuli.  I trusted no one.  It was a dark place.  We had joined a new church, and I was very much accepted there.  It was still so hard repairing the damage in my spirit.

     Coming to this place had seemed like a huge risk at the time.  I was at California Baptist College (now University) for a training called Christian Youth in Action.  Christian high school students were taught how to share the gospel with children in backyard Bible clubs.  I was to spend the rest of the summer teaching Bible clubs with other Christian teenagers.  The idea of doing that terrified me, because of all I had gone through.  I had gotten there feeling scared to death of further rejection.  My heart was pounding.  My palms were sweaty.  I tasted bile in my mouth as I walked up the three flights of stairs to the floor where our training was to take place.  People were friendly, and that eased my fear a little.  But my problem wasn't related to people.  Not really.  It was a broken heart that needed healing.  I didn't know what to do.

     I met my roommate, a sweet, pretty girl my age.  After we'd chatted a while, we were summoned by the leaders of the group to come to the general assembly for orientation.  That was where I suddenly found myself in a sweet Presence that I couldn't have found on my own.  I knew right off the bat that it wasn't brought there by anyone in the room.  No one human anyway.  It was as if some golden goodness enveloped us.  It permeated the air and the light.  It was the Lord God...the Awesome God who created the earth, created a way to redemption, delivered His people from bondage, sent His Son, promised to save us for all eternity.  That same Lord entered that room, filling it with His glory.  As a Christian since age five, I had experienced God's presence at different times, but never in this concentrated of a dose.  It was almost too wonderful to explain.  Sadness and sorrow weren't even possible in that place at that time.  It was as if every hurt in my life no longer mattered.  I was on a higher plane than I had ever been.  I was with the One who loved me enough to give Himself for me.  That is resurrection power.  Because He lives, that joy was possible.  It felt like an instant healing.  No person, medication, or circumstance could have changed me like that.  Psalm 16:11 says, "in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand are pleasures forevermore."

I am the shorter of the two teenage girls pictured.  This was taken at Christian Youth in Action.  The taller girl is my friend Crystal.  We are still friends today.  We both ended up serving many more summers with that ministry.  God used her in my life to be that encouragement.  She married her husband withing a few weeks of my wedding to Walter.

     That was the best summer of my life.  I made wonderful friends whom I still love dearly.  But that wasn't ultimately why it was wonderful.  It was wonderful because I had deeper fellowship with Jesus than I ever had.  I enjoyed His presence.  He wasn't just Theology (although having the right theology about Jesus is vital).  He was very present in my life. The other things--the ministry we did, the people we did it with--they all just added to the glory of it, but they weren't the source.  

     Summer ended, and life moved on.  I went on the strength of that glory for a long time (in some ways I still do).  I once again felt the hurts and struggles, but whenever I did, I thought about that glory.  That I had found that one thing that could fulfill me, and that was God.  

     Over the years, this same ministry ended up disappointing me at times (though I still love it), and some of those wonderful people from that summer let me down (I still love them too).  This showed me even more deeply that it wasn't any person or organization that had brought that fulfillment and healing to me.  It was Jesus Christ.  It made me crave His presence all the more.  I discovered that His joy is available to me, because I have the Bible and the Holy Spirit.  Holding onto that constant, intense joy isn't 100% possible on this side of Heaven, but it is there, available to God's children.  I found I was able to take joy in life...because He lives!  I was able to incorporate that joy into what I did, from ministry, to daily life, even secular work, and pass it on to others.

     Within six months of that summer of 1997, I started referring to it in my journal as a "Prelude to Heaven."  And that's what I truly believe.  What God gave me that summer was a very small taste of what Heaven will be like.  The joy, the wholeness, the healing, the warmth, the fulfillment, the sense of reunion with believers I had never met before.  God gave me that sense of eternity because He knew I needed it most.  I still call it a Prelude to Heaven.  God gives them to me every now and then, but only when I really need them.  Smaller doses are available all the time.  It isn't pretending or even determining to be happy all the time.  It is finding joy in His presence.  If what I experienced in 1997 is a taste of what waits beyond this life, I can't wait to get to Heaven!  The Bible tells us that in the end, there will be no more death, sorrow, crying or pain.  Those things will be gone forever! (Revelation 21:4).  I got just a taste of that joy that summer I was fifteen.

     There is a scene I love in the 2005 movie The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe.  As a very brief explanation to those who might be unfamiliar, this story is based on a book of the same name, by C.S. Lewis, and it is an allegory of Christianity.  The children go into a wardrobe at a professor's house and end up on a fantasy land called Narnia, where they experience redemption and salvation from the Christ-representing lion Aslan.  They end up victorious against the forces of evil, and reign as kings and queens for years in this land.  However, they end up leaving Narnia, and it turns out no time has passed at all since they entered the wardrobe.  The credits roll, and all's well.  However, they put a very profound scene in at the end of the movie.  Lucy (the youngest, and most faithful child) is trying to get back into Narnia through the wardrobe.  I can almost see that longing in her eyes.  She wants to go back to that time of joy and victory.  She wants Aslan's presence.  That was a prelude for her.  But before she enters the wardrobe, the professor stops her and tells her, "I don't think you'll get back in that way.  You see, I've already tried."  You can see the longing and hope in his own eyes as well (if you know the books, the professor had been in Narnia long before).  Lucy looks very serious as she asks him, "Will we ever go back?"  He replies.  "I expect so, but it will probably happen when you're not looking for it.  All I'm saying, is to keep your eyes open."  With this assurance, Lucy looks satisfied for the moment.  The two walk away, still longing, but assured.  Then, so only the audience can see, the wardrobe door opens and you can hear Alsan roaring.  He never left.  He is still very present.  Like Lucy and the professor, we can't recreate preludes, but Jesus is there, and that's enough.  

     In the book of Luke, we are introduced to a man named Simeon.  He had been promised by God that he would not die until he saw the Messiah.  His entire hope rested on that, and when he finally met baby Jesus, it was as if Heaven filled his heart.  Satisfaction was his at last.  Life had meaning and purpose, and yet he was then able to let go of life.  In Luke 2:29-32, he said, “Sovereign Lord, as you have promised,  you may now dismiss your servant in peace.  For my eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the sight of all nations, a light for revelation to the Gentiles, and the glory of your people Israel.”  Jesus was human, but God the Son at the same time.  That presence our souls really crave was in Him, and Simeon knew it the moment he saw Him.  Jesus fulfilled him, just as He fulfilled me in 1997.  

     I love the lyrics to the 1922 song Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus:  "Turn your eyes upon Jesus.  Look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace."  This is so true, and I would guess Helen Howarth Lemmel (the writer of this song) had experienced a prelude in her own life, in order to be able to write these words.  

     This experience--finding joy in Christ, as well as wonderful adventures with His people--was the inspiration to my 2008 book Summer of Eternity (now out of print under that title, but improved and republished in 2018 as The Joy-Giver.)  From October 11-15, it will be free on Amazon.  Click here to order.  If you happen to read this after October 15, 2019, it is only $2.99, so still order it!  It is a mystery, a love story, and an huge dose of joy, all rolled into one!

Battle Wounds

     Does anyone ever really come out of a battle unscathed?  Even though not every soldier experiences a physical wound, I believe everyone who participates in any sort of battle is affected...for better or worse.  I believe this is true in physical battles, but perhaps even more so in spiritual wars.

     The Bible is very clear that, as believers, we are in a war.  The Apostle Paul, at the end of his earthly life, said, I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.  (Second Timothy 4:7).  What was he fighting?  Ephesians 6:12 tells us: For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  This tells us that we are struggling against Satan and his demons...not people.  This "struggle" indicates that there is a war going on.  We are also told in Second Corinthians 10:3-5: For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ,  Sounds pretty heavy, doesn't it?  As Christians, we are at war for the heart and soul of others.  We are at war against Satan, and the evil system of this world.  We're on a mission for the Lord, to bring God glory, and bring people to Christ.  Satan doesn't want that, and will fight us.  Whether we want to be or not, we are in a war, and our participation in this begins the moment we come to Christ.

     Satan wants nothing more than to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10).  Once we are saved, Satan can't control our eternal destiny, but he will do everything in his power to ruin our effectiveness for Christ.  

     As Christians fighting in this battle, we sometimes get battle wounds.  Sometimes it's easy to forget who we're really fighting, because we can't see Satan, but we can see the problems he creates. He uses people, and it's easy to see them as the enemy.  If we, instead, saw them as a pawn of the enemy, perhaps we'd feel more compassionate toward our perceived enemies.  At times, maybe we're even used by the enemy.  Let that sink in.

    What do these battle wounds look like in our lives?  What effects do they have?  Is still having them a sign that we're not trusting or obeying God enough?  Will they ever go away this side of eternity?  

     These wounds are different in different people, because we fight different battles in this overall war in which we are all engaged.  I'll tell you what one of my battle wounds look like, to give you an idea.

     When I was eighteen years old, I went on a mission trip to Africa.  I was so excited to go out and serve the Lord.  I imagined making an impact for eternity, and making lifelong friendships in the process.  In the back of my mind, if I was totally honest, I hoped I would meet my future husband on this trip.  I mean, what a great way to meet a godly man, serving the Lord like that.  This wasn't my main motive for going on the trip, but it was in my mind, and I imagine a lot of young people who step out like that have the same thought.  Spoiler alert, I did not meet my husband on this trip, but instead met him at a birthday party some time later.  But as for that summer I was eighteen...I was a joyful young woman.  My church was behind me.  I was a heroine at youth group.  I expected to spend all summer on cloud nine.  What I experienced instead left me deeply hurt and disappointed, longing for more of something I couldn't define.  I experienced treachery, betrayal, and sexual harassment...from fellow missionaries.  Long story, but there was also a lot of aftermath to that summer, lasting an additional two years.  I do have a few people from that trip that I am still friends with (on Facebook, not really close regular contact), but mostly, I left that experience totally broken and battered.  I had to pretend it was wonderful when I talked to my church family about it, because I didn't want to disappoint them after all their love and support.  And there were good parts of it.  Children came to know Christ that summer, and I had grown in the Lord tremendously (as He was the only one I could talk to--we had no access to family in the US.  This was before cell phones or social media.  The Internet wasn't commonly used then, even in America, and definitely not in Africa.  There was no telephone where we were, and even if there had been, it would have cost a fortune to call home).  I eventually had to get counseling to overcome the bitterness from that summer, and I have overcome.  I have chosen to forgive those who have wounded me.  But does this mean I'm totally whole, as I would have been without these experiences?

One of few pictures I kept from that summer.  I'm the tall one with short, curly, auburn hair, in the middle.  I had cut off my hair because I had doubted I'd have much opportunity to deal with it that summer...I was right.  I let it grown back after the summer.  This actual photo wasn't take in Africa, but in a Bible club we taught during our training in the US before flying out.  This picture does not show everyone associated with the trip or experience.  

     No.  I am not the same.  That summer forever altered my life, as all experiences really do.  I have scars.  Some of the worst part of the experience happened at our training time in a certain Midwestern state, and I have a hard time entering this particular state without crying.  I fight it, but it's hard.  It isn't this state's fault.  It is a beautiful state with wonderful people.  I just can't go into that state without feeling unsafe and vulnerable.  Suddenly, I'm eighteen again, and feeling that my heart is considered disposable and unimportant, and people can treat me however they want, and if I try to stand up to them, I'm "judging".  No one is on my side.  Maybe one day, I'll feel differently.  I hope I do.  I also struggle with these feelings when I go to an airport for any reason, because airports and flying were a big part of that summer.  The association is too strong.  I try to avoid flying if I can, although I will fly if necessary.  I can do it, but those feelings come on me.  I truly hope I can one day go to an airport without feeling this way.  Without tasting bile in my mouth.  Without hearing the lies in my mind that I am unsafe and unloved.  Without feeling crazy inside.  Maybe one day, these scars will disappear.  Maybe they won't.  Does my struggling with these feelings mean I haven't forgiven people, or that I'm harboring bitterness?

     I don't believe it means that at all.  I have gone through a process (and a lot of Christian counseling) to forgive people.  Not only those people from that hurtful summer, but other parts of my life.  I don't wish ill will on any of them.  I want God's very best for all of them.  I want them to be right with the Lord, and of course, that would mean they would need to repent of their sins against me (and all other sins).  Their treatment of me that summer is likely a symptom of much deeper trouble in their lives, and I'd love it if God worked in them and brought them to that right place, for their own good and joy.  I expect nothing from them--ever.  I know it is very, very unlikely any of them will ever try to reach out to me and make things right.  That's okay.  That's on them, and between them and God.  I can move on happily in my life.  What they did doesn't affect my every waking moment (there was a time when it did).  But there are times those wounds still hurt.  There are moments I need validation from the Lord that I'm okay.  God understands this.  He knows where I'm at.  I love the hymn, What a Friend We Have in Jesus.  I love the line, "Jesus knows our every weakness, take it to the Lord in prayer."  He understands the broken pieces in our hearts.  He knows our limits.  So far, God has not called me to live in the state where our training was, but if He ever does, He will sustain me and enable me.  He has slowly and gently worked, calling me out of my comfort zone in these things, and I have experienced so much victory.  But there are still hard moments.  Is that wrong?

     The Apostle Paul wrote in Philippians 3:12: Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.  Paul wasn't where he knew he should be.  But he moved forward.  That's all I can do.  It's all you can do.  Something even more foundational in this is that Jesus Himself still carries the scars he received while being nailed to the cross.  Those are the Ultimate Battle Wounds.  If He can carry those scars, we can too.  It isn't sinful.  We can forgive those who gave them to us, but we can still have them without being down on ourselves.  

     One of my favorite songs is by Twila Paris.  This song is entitled The Warrior is a Child.  The chorus contains the line, "They don't know that I go running home when I fall down.  They don't know who picks me up when no one is around.  I drop my sword and cry for just a while.  'Cause deep inside this armor, the warrior is a child."  That's how I feel sometimes.  I have been in ministry all of my adult life, and most of my teen years as well.  Some see me as a spiritual victor.  But they don't know that underneath my armor, I'm a child.  Vulnerable.  Struggling.  In need of nurture.  You're that way too.  

     How should we treat these wounds?  We certainly shouldn't indulge them.  God will call us out of our comfort zone at times, and we need to obey Him.  As we do, He will bring healing and growth.  But we should also recognize our own struggles and weaknesses.  We shouldn't force ourselves to do things we aren't ready for (unless God has called us to, which means we are ready, with His help).  We should dedicate these scars to the Lord, letting Him use them in our lives and the lives of others.  We should share our story, because that's one way God can use it...and it can also be a step of healing for us.  There was a time I would never have shared what I have in this post.  It was a point I had to come to.  We should also recognize the good that has come into our lives as a result of these battle wounds.  I know I am a much more discerning person as a result of my experiences.  As I have worked in ministry situations, I want to believe my discernment in this area has helped weed out people who have no business serving and would only harm others.  I believe I am a more 
compassionate listener as well.  What good things have come into your life through your wounds?  

     These wounds flare up at times.  What can we do?  I remind myself of the truth.  Psalm 56:8 reminds us: You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.  Our hurts hurt God!  He cares about every pain in our lives.  He keeps track of them.  Long before Disney princess Elsa popularized the phrase Let it Go, I was constantly told this by well-meaning people as I tried to heal.  This is certainly not how God treats us.  He isn't so dismissive of our pain.  He is our healer.  Isaiah 53:4 tells us that Jesus took up our pain and bore our sorrows. In the very next verse, we are told that by His wounds, we are healed.  We can have victory over our wounds.  In fact, we do have victory, because He does!  One verse I really love is found in Revelation 22:2, which tells us of a tree that will be on the new earth God will one day create.  This verse tells us its leaves will bring healing to the nations.  I imagine myself picking a leaf off that tree and holding it to my heart, letting it absorb all the battle wounds in my spirit.  Then, and only then, will I be totally restored...but it will happen.  Right now, I contend in this cursed world.  But because of Jesus, the battle's already been won, and the victory is ours!