I have become a sucker for online stories. Not gossip about celebrities. I mean funny or interesting stories, such as "Teachers share about the worst parent-teacher conference they ever had," or "Waiters share about their rudest customers." Things like that. They're often funny. They usually have some sort of grabber on Facebook, the start of an intriguing story, and I simply "have" to click on it to read the rest, as well as the other similar stories. One day, though, it dawned on me that all of these stories, funny or relatable though they were, were all negative. The worst parent-teacher conferences. The rudest customers. Other, similar things like that. I mean, a good story (true or fiction) needs conflict and an antagonist of some kind. But why is the focus negative? And worse, why do I take the bait and read these negatively-rooted stories?
I'm not a proponent of "positive thinking" the way some promote it. However, I do believe Philippians 4:8 gives us a biblical basis for looking at the good and beautiful things in life. Things that bring us closer to God. Earlier in the book of Philippians (2:14), we are told to Do all things without complaining and disputing. Having a negative, complaining attitude isn't right. Do we sometimes need to discuss negative things? Yes. They're part of life. They're reality. Sometimes we can laugh at ourselves through these experiences and find them funny. Sometimes sharing about our bad experiences helps someone else. Often, you need to share the negative part of a story in order to get to the good part, the redemptive ending. I'm not talking about being positive in a fake way. But should out-and-out negativity be our entertainment?
How many people would read stories online with grabbers such as, "Teachers remember their most successful students?" or"Cashiers share about their best customers." Perhaps fewer than the number reading the negative stories, given our penchant for the negative. I think its worth a try, though. I am going to write three of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me (of course, Jesus dying for my sins would be number one, and really, all the things I'm about to share originated with God).
Sweet Note. Growing up (actually, until I was twenty-nine and realized I did this), I had this really bad habit of ostracizing myself, then feeling left-out when people didn't go out of their way to come over and include me. I didn't always do this, but it was a habit sometimes, especially if I was already feeling insecure or moody. I remember one time, in first grade, I was sitting by myself in children's church. Three other girls were sitting together in the front row. I wanted so much to be invited over to sit by them. They were my friends. I had been to their birthday parties. They had spent the night at my house. Our families were all friends. There was no reason for me not to go over and sit with them. I didn't need an invitation. But I was in a melancholic mood, and was by myself in the back row. Under my breath, I kept saying "Oh, brother." For some reason, that made me feel better. Anyway, the next Sunday, these same three girls sat together, and again, I sat by myself in the back row, feeling left out (for no real reason, but, as I shared, I didn't see I did this until I was twenty-nine, which was twenty-three years after this particular experience). After class was dismissed, I turned to walk out.
"Janelle, wait up," one of the girls called after me. I turned to see little Jackie coming after me. Jackie was a sweet blonde little girl, a few months younger than me. She was in kindergarten in the same Christian school in which I was in first grade.
"Hi Jackie," I said.
"This is for you," Jackie told me, handing me an envelope. Our parents picked us up at the door, and there wasn't time to talk. I opened the envelope in the car, and in sloppy, kindergarten writing, was my name, the words I love you and her name. My heart melted. She had seen I felt left out, and had done something to make me feel better.
I have never forgotten Jackie's kindness, and I often pray for her, even though we lost touch years ago (her father took a ministry position in a different state).
Investment. When I was single, I had moved from my hometown to a smaller (less expensive) town about thirty miles away. One way I tried to get involved was joining a women's Bible study. It was a very mixed experience. I was brought into the leadership, and taught the junior high Bible study (women brought their kids to the study with them, so there was a need for kids and teen classes as well). I worked closely with the elementary (1st-6th grade) teacher. We did not work well together, and I had her daughter in my class, which made it more difficult. I taught the 7th-8th graders for two years. There was a lot of joy involved, but working with this woman was very hard. To be honest, it became a power struggle a lot of the time. She eventually lied about me to leadership, who kicked me out of the study without talking to me. So, here I was, in a town where I didn't feel at home, ousted from a ministry I had really loved, humiliated by the Christian community (it was a relatively small town, so the story and lies spread). I felt like I had hit rock bottom. Then, I got a phone call. A very sweet woman from the Bible study, Kim, reached out to me. She invited me to attend a different ministry called Celebrate Recovery. I had heard of it, but thought it was just for recovering addicts. Kim explained it was for everyone with "hurts, habits or hangups," which basically includes everyone. I almost didn't go, but there was something very redemptive about this invitation. Here I had been unjustly kicked out of a Bible study, and now I was being graciously invited into a new one. A voice deep in my spirit said Go! I went to CR with Kim. I immediately connected with very real Christian people who were open about their struggles, and willing to be honest. There were no power struggles. No fake spirituality (which, sadly, I encountered at the other Bible study). Kim became my sponsor (mentor) through this biblical accountability program. I was able to get healing from the hurtful Bible study situation, and also from other ministry-related hurts in my life. We had our Bible study group on Monday nights. Kim met with me on Wednesdays, just to talk. On Fridays, we had our open share group, where people shared testimonies and we could talk in groups about our failures and triumphs from the past week. So I had three days out of the week where I was being invested in by Kim and others...and just by sharing, I was investing in them as well. That was an amazing time. Kim had been involved for many years in this ministry. I found out later that she had really felt like she had gotten what she needed from it and was about to step out and involve herself in other things, but God had told her to invest in me as I went through it. She was there for me. She made it the most amazing year I had ever had, and at the end of it, I met my husband. I indirectly met him through CR and through Kim's mentoring me. God used all these precious people in my life, but especially Kim. She gave three days out of her week for me in those days (not to mention late-night phone calls). That is something I'll never forget. It also truly helped me make that town my home...before I got married and moved away from it. I now feel as much at home about that town as I do about the town where I grew up.
Church Support. When I was eighteen, I went on a mission trip to Africa. I came from a small church, probably about 120 people at the time. Everyone knew each other well. I was an AWANA leader, and knew the kids especially well. Anyway, I was so excited about this trip, and this little church was incredibly supportive of me. No one there was rich. Some were downright poor. But they did everything for me, from praying, to organizing car wash fundraisers, to writing me encouraging notes. With everyone involved together, I was able to raise over double the amount needed, which enabled me to go on another missionary trip the next summer to Boston and even pay for missionary training school the year after that when I went full-time into the ministry. The Sunday before I left for the trip, the pastor called me to the front, which I wasn't expecting. I was presented with a bouquet of roses, and a T-shirt signed by everyone. People wrote some of the nicest things to me. I still have it. That ended up being a very tough summer. But every time I felt like despairing, I would think about my church family back home praying for me. When people I was with tried to distort reality and make me feel terrible about who I was, I remembered my church and how they loved me and wrote such kind things to me. One of the children I taught in AWANA wrote me a letter, which I didn't receive until I got back to missionary headquarters. Her mother added a note, explaining that they had been making cookies, and the daughter had wanted to send some to me in Africa, but the mom knew that wasn't practical, so they wrote me the letter instead. That touched my spirit so deeply, and made me feel like a victor instead of a victim. When I actually got back home, I was showered with love, which did a lot to bring some healing. Life has gone on for that church. Most people are living in different areas now, going to different churches. But we are still that body. I can't wait to see them all in heaven.
No comments:
Post a Comment