Tell Your Story!

    Have you ever had a wonderful experience, and yet someone else in the same time and place experienced it vastly differently than you?  Or maybe it was the opposite--you had a very difficult experience, maybe invalidating to you, or even abusive, and yet others in the situation thought it was wonderful.  In either event, how did this discrepancy make you feel?  Did it make you feel crazy inside, for not being "with the program?" Did it make you feel guilty, for missing something?  Did you ask, "Who is really right in this?" 

     I have seen little examples of different viewpoints all over the place.  My siblings and I grew up going to a Christian camp in the summers.  I had pretty good experiences there, being faced with spiritual truths that challenged me in my life and put me on paths I'm still walking today..  My sister had an exceptionally wonderful experience there, making close Christian friendships and soaking in the biblical teaching.  My brother had a very bad experience there, being bullied by other boys in his cabin and having counselors who didn't know how to handle it.  We all went to the same place, but all three of us had varying experiences.  Did my sister's amazing spiritual "mountain high" invalidate my brother's bad experience?  Did his bad experience negate my sister's growth in the Lord and the Christian friendships forged?  No.  All of it was part of reality.  This is a simple example.  Sometimes, though, the stakes are higher, and situations are more complex.  

My siblings and me.  I'm the oldest and tallest pictures (I'm still the oldest, obviously, but no longer tallest!

     I sat in surprise as I read the pastor's testimony.  This man, whom I'll call Pastor W,  had been our neighbor when I was growing up.  For a short while, when we first met their family, they attended our church.  They eventually began attending another church, where their family really seemed to flourish and grown in faith.  Eventually, this man became a pastor.  He served in his church for a while, but they eventually moved to another area and started a church there.  I had gotten back in touch with this wonderful Christian family, and was reading their church's website.  

     Pastor W's testimony was very graciously-worded.  It was his own story, and he had a right to tell it.  The shocking details were true, but the people involved were not named.  No one's reputation was sullied by what he had said.  Nobody would even know who he was talking about, or even what church, unless they had been there too and recognized the story.  Shocked, I came to discover that some real scandals had occurred in the church I had loved so much.  Not only that, but Pastor W hadn't even been saved when they attended our church, yet he was teaching Sunday school.  No one ever stopped to make sure he knew the Lord.  By his own admission, he was living a double life at the time, and no one in our church held him to account, or showed any concern for his soul.  My heart grieved for him as I read this.  He came to know Christ as his Savior when they switched churches, and he was actually in a situation with biblical accountability and solid teaching.  

     As I said, no one reading his testimony would know who he was talking about.  He was sharing his real story, as I believe the Lord would have him do.  He wrote it from a place of grace and gentleness.  I recognized some of the people involved, and I knew what church he referred to.  That was what grieved me so much.  I loved that church deeply.  The happiest parts of my childhood happened there.  We had some wonderful Christian friends.  I felt safe and secure.  Who I was in the Lord was enough.  The church had a school we were part of.  It was a wonderful place to grow up.  I had some wonderful teachers in church and school who really invested in me.  I have a lot of memories of us all visiting after church, sometimes even celebrating holidays together.  Skating rink trips and pool parties were peppered throughout the years.  Most of the scripture verses I know today, I learned at that church.  I still have deep friendships from that time and place in life.  Much good came from it...but it wasn't perfect, as Pastor W's testimony illustrates.  

     While Pastor W's story grieves me, it doesn't offend or threaten me.  It reveals that a church can produce both good and bad.  They can get some things right, and other things, very wrong.  The wrong things that happened at that church don't change the good things I experienced there.  On the other hand, the blessings don't excuse the wrong done.  I'm reminded of Jesus (through John) addressing the seven churches in Revelation 2 and 3.  Four of these churches had both positive and negative remarks from the Lord (Smyrna and Philadelphia had only positive feedback, and Laodicea only had negative).  I believe most churches today would be a mix of positives and things to work on.  

You can zoom in this chart to take a look at the seven churches Jesus addressed in Revelation

     I believe people need to share their stories.  Pastor W shared his, giving glory to the Lord.  He wasn't mean or negative about my home church.  He didn't even name the church or any of the people involved.  I only recognized them because I knew some of them, and a little bit of his story already.  What if Pastor W had felt that to share his story would be to imply bad things about people that some might possibly recognize?  I believe we should always be kind and sensitive, but we have a right--even an obligation--to share what God has brought us through.  It can help others.

    Some people argue that this is gossip.  It can be a fine line.  We need to be careful, and I think Pastor W did this appropriately.  Ephesians 5:16 points out, but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the heave, even Christ.  We are to speak the truth--our good and our bad experiences--but we are to do it in love.  We are to be considerate.  There was a time when sharing certain experiences from my journey was too much of a temptation to get revenge or bring certain people down.  That's wasn't of the Lord.  I needed to wait until I healed, and had a motive of speaking the truth in love.  

     I want to hasten to add that, if real abuse has occurred, that isn't the time to sugarcoat your story, or try to protect reputations.  Report it.  Get real help.  Warn others who might be in danger.  Sometimes, the people who are experiencing positive things in an abusive environment are in denial.  In those cases, sound the alarm!  But often, it isn't that defined, and that is what I'm referring to in most of this post.  

     Here is my struggle in all of this.  Like Pastor W (and everyone else), I have a story.  A testimony.  My testimony didn't happen in a vacuum.  Other people were involved, for better or worse.  Without slandering those who had a negative impact, I need to be sharing what happened.  In doing so, I am not denying the good someone else may have experienced, or downplaying the bad someone else experienced.  Their experience was real, and just as valid as mine.  What is proved here is that, in spite of a bad experience, there was possibly some real good, and in spite of good experience, it wasn't perfect.  

     When I was a young teenager, the church I loved (that had harmed Pastor W) fell apart.  Pastor W's story actually gave me a sense of closure and understanding of some of the rottenness that led to the downfall--rottenness I had neither known nor understood.  However, upon having this church die led us to join another local church.  This church was like most others, a mix of good and bad.  The pastor was a charming, talented man.  Some very wonderful people went there.  Many people gave their lives to the Lord as a result of this man's ministry.  These were all very good and valid truths about that church.  However, there was some difficulty that we experienced there.  What I experienced from that pastor as a teenage girl was an overexcited sense of narcissism.  That is how I experienced him.  That is not how everyone did.  My experience does not deny the good he did, or the people he led to the Lord, any more than Pastor W's story invalidates my joyful childhood.  But this second church was a hard place for me in a lot of ways.  The youth group was an emotionally unsafe place for me.  One of the teachers made a very embarrassing sexual joke about me in front of everyone, and I was completely humiliated.  The pastor defended his leaders when my parents complained about this.  He said it was my fault for being too different.  I was a young teenager at the time, and my self-esteem was shot.  It was a stumbling block to me in my life.  The final blow happened when I helped out in Vacation Bible School.  I assisted in the first and second grade class.  God really used our class, and 14 children came to the Lord that week!  The pastor told the teacher I was assisting that I shouldn't be allowed to lead people to the Lord, because I was too young (though to my face, he acted like he was proud of me).  After that week, he told my parents not to return to the church.  We'd been kicked out of the church!  Matthew 18 gives a clear explanation of how to execute church discipline.  First, sin needs to have happened (and it didn't!).  Second, one person needs to go confront the one in the wrong.  If he doesn't repent, more people are brought into it, until it goes before the church.  If he still won't repent, then he is removed from fellowship.  That was not how this was handled.  The concept of being told not to return to a church was more than I could take in.  I went into a very deep depression and was unable to even function for a long time.  I felt lower than worthless.  God had to breathe new life into me, and He did this at the next church we joined, but it took a long time, and there are days even now when I still struggle with it.  I believe that second church's issue was a narcissistic pastor (who had many good qualities as well) who had felt threatened.  There were WONDERFUL people among that group.  All of them had good qualities that the Lord used in some people's lives.  Some had vastly different (but just as real) experiences there, just as I had vastly different experiences than Pastor W.  

     Many years later, my mother and father ran into this pastor and his wife at the store, and they all had a good chat.  The pastor humbly apologized for his past wrongs, and asked my parents' forgiveness.  He acknowledged that he had been at fault.  Restored fellowship is a beautiful thing.  This pastor is now in heaven, enjoying the rewards for his service on earth.  I am convinced that, in spite of his faults, he heard Jesus say, "Well done, good and faithful servant."  

     For many years, I have cowered from sharing this part of my story.  I hadn't wanted to hurt anyone who had really been blessed by that pastor, because many were blessed through him.  An insecure part of me--that was damaged by that whole experience--feared the idea of people reading my story and deciding the pastor was right, and I was just too "different" to deserve love or respect.  I was a little bit afraid of having people come back on me with, "Take the plank out of your eye!  You're not perfect either!"  I'm not claiming I am.  I am only sharing my story, just like Pastor W did.  I forgave this pastor a long time ago, and am not angry.  I truly can see the good along with my hard experiences.  What happened still had a profound impact on my life, my coping skills, and who I am today.  To conceal that is to not let myself be fully known.  I will be sharing another story next time, which I have also had a hard time sharing for similar reasons.  .  

     I urge everyone to share your stories.  Be sensitive, but be truthful.  Just because someone else experienced it differently doesn't mean your experience isn't real, or isn't worth sharing.  God is waiting to use your experiences and victories in someone else's life!

Lessons from a Zealous Missionary

     One of the tools in my life that has helped make me more like Jesus was a very zealous missionary.  This young woman, whom I'll refer to as Katie, had a positive affect on my spiritual life, but not in the way you might expect.  

     The summer I was eighteen, I went on a mission trip to Zambia.  I had no idea what it would be like.  I had so many questions about what to expect, what to bring, what I didn't need to bring, etc.  I was very excited when the missionary headquarters contacted me and said that a girl who had been on the Zambia team the previous summer wanted to talk to me.  This girl, Katie, was so excited about her own experience that she wanted to touch base with the next summer's team, which included me.  I was initially happy to talk to her.  

Map of Africa, with Zambia highlighted in red.

     We ended up talking on the phone.  Katie gushed excitedly about how wonderful Zambia was, and how she envied me that I got to go.  It turned out, she had been so inspired by her time there that she had committed to going full-time as a missionary to Zambia with the organization.  She was what they called a missionary candidate, working on raising her support.  All her stories were glowing reports of how perfect and wonderful Zambia was.  She had clearly been deeply touched by her time there.  She only said one negative thing at all, and that was about one of the girls on her team.  It turns out I knew this teammate she thought so little of.  I wasn't incredibly close to her, but had a positive experience with her in ministry.  It saddened me to hear Katie say negative things about this girl whom I had seen serve the Lord so mightily.  "I know God loves her," Katie said, "but that's hard for me to do right now."   I clearly wasn't part of their conflict, and there is no way I could have gotten to the bottom of it.  It wasn't even my business.  But anyway, with Katie's gushy happiness, I moved forward with my trip.

     My time in Zambia had it's good and its bad.  I have shared in detail about it in other posts.  A young man in the overseas ministry training program had made some inappropriate advances and been a very hurtful stumbling block to me.  Even though he wasn't going to Zambia with me, he was part of our training before we went to our different countries.  Then, one of my actual teammates, a female, was terribly difficult and controlling.  Some very hard times happened that summer.  There were also good times.  I bonded deeply with our interpreter, Joyce.  I saw children give their hearts to the Lord.  I grew in the Lord to levels I never otherwise would have.  This was at a time when the Internet was a new thing even in the US, and not everyone had it.  There was definitely not Internet usage in Zambia.  In fact, we didn't even have a telephone to call the US.  My only communication with the US was writing postal letters and sending them airmail.  Being so cut off from family and church friends made me more dependent on the Lord.  

     As for Katie's glowing reports, my experiences were different.  People she bonded with misunderstood me and didn't care for me, and I connected with those she hadn't been close to.  That is okay.  I have my own personality, and bond with people I like.  No big deal.  Katie and I were just different, and brought different experiences into our time in Zambia, and therefore had different experiences there.  That's normal.  I did learn something else about her time, though.  Their team had been stuck in Zambia longer than planned, due to a flight cancellation.  They were supposed to have confirmed their flight upon arrival in Zambia, but hadn't known to do it.  They learned the hard way.  Since Katie neglected to share this with us, we made the same mistake.  We almost had to stay in Zambia an extra month!  That would have made me start college late, possibly missing my first semester.  And it all could have been avoided if Katie had only told us, but I guess it wasn't that big of a deal to her.  Thanks, Katie.  Well, by God's grace, we did get on our flight home, and made it on time.  

Monkeys at Victoria Falls, Livingstone, Zambia.  After I took this picture, they charged at me!  They also stole our lunch!

     I didn't think that much about Katie, other than that she was very different from me.  That's okay.  But anyway, the next summer, I actually met her in person.  We were both back at headquarters.  She was returning to Zambia short-term with the team for that summer (though still a full-time missionary candidate).  I was on my way to do ministry in Boston for the summer.  Upon meeting her, I found her to be basically nice, but kind of flighty and thoughtless.  She talked about her plans to return full-time to Zambia, and her short trip that summer.  She didn't show any interest in me or anyone else as far as I could see.

     I learned even more details about Katie's experience.  That first summer she had gone, the year before I had, there had only been three young women on the team. Katie had gone with her best friend, and the two of them hadn't gotten along with the third team mate I mentioned.  Observing Katie, I could understand why.  She was very thoughtless.  It is very likely she and her buddy were very cliquish and exclusive, and left this other girl out.  I would have gotten annoyed with Katie too!  I heard her speaking ill of this teammate at headquarters to other people.  I felt that was wrong.  I have had terrible experiences with teammates at times, but I didn't speak ill of them to other, uninvolved people.  That's just not right.  I will note that there is a time to talk about our experiences.  She should have shared about this situation with a safe person, in confidence.  If she felt led to speak publicly (as there are times to publicly share our stories), she should have kept the teammate's identity secret.  But openly talking about the team mate to other people, in a way that anyone could overhear, seemed unfair to the teammate, who wasn't there to defend herself.  

     After we all got back from our summers, and were at recap, I saw Katie with her teammates.  I saw a little bit of tension, and I got the picture that she had been controlling, and that there had been some conflicts (though, I hasten to add, their team was more or less on good terms).  In my experience, she acted like she owned Zambia.  If she acted like this toward her teammates, I'm sure that annoyed them.  I will add that one of her teammates that summer was the guy from the year before who had made inappropriate advances.  I still really struggled with that, and he continued to give me signals that brought on a lot of hurt and confusion.  

     The next year, our ministry had an International Conference.  I saw the Zambia missionary (who was a Zambian national).  I wanted the chance to talk with him and spend some time with him.  It was his first time in the United States.  I also saw Katie.  She hung around the Zambian missionary there, and I had no opportunity to talk to him without her hovering around, sometimes answering for him when I'd ask questions.  She made it all about her and what she was doing.  She talked to the missionary in front of me about things that didn't include me.  I felt left out, like some junior higher.

     The worst part of that whole time was when we all took a bus from the conference center to the local Walmart.  It was the Zambian missionary's first time in a Walmart, and Katie was hovering, making a production about it all.  On the bus, I was right in front of them, and Katie just talked on and on about planning his itinerary for the weeks he would be in the US after the conference.  They were planning to have all of the Zambia team from the previous summer fly into Katie's city and visit with the Zambia missionary while he was there.  I know I wasn't on that team, and I didn't expect to be invited, but it was really hard hearing about that.  I heard them praising the young man who had hurt me.  At one point, I asked the Zambian missionary if he thought he'd make it down to LA, and I could meet up with him.  Katie answered for him, telling me no.  They didn't have time.  

     

     My time in Zambia, and overall missionary experiences, had left my heart hurting.  Katie was stripping me of any redemption I might have had from it.  I was given no chance to catch up with people I really felt a need to touch base with, who could have been a source of encouragement, understanding and healing.  It was all about Katie.  

     Then, in the midst of this, Katie asked me to be one of her prayer partners.  She needed a certain number (100 or 200, something like that).  Unable to think of a good reason to say no, I agreed.  

     I knew she didn't care two cents about me at all.  For her, I was a mark on a page for her to be able to go overseas.  She had gone from missionary candidate to missionary appointee (I don't recall exactly what the difference was, but an appointee is much closer to being on the field).  She hadn't completed Bible college, a requirement for being a missionary, but was looking at going to a Bible college in Zambia while she served there.  She really wanted to get over there.  Because I had agreed to be a prayer partner, I was on her mailing list.  The first letter I received from her was all about her and the Zambia missionary on his first trip to Walmart.  There was even a ridiculous picture of them in front of the Walmart from that frustrating day there.  

     I still had a lot of healing up I needed from my experiences.  The experiences weren't all related to Katie (if anything, she was just a small nuisance, certainly not the source of my hurts).  However, she and her self-centered attitude became a lightening rod for everything I was feeling at the time.  I was serving full-time in my hometown, and doing my best, but still emotionally struggling.  Days rushed by, and I did the best I could.  I was in pain.  No one seemed to notice.  Getting Katie's letters was a thorn in my side.  She was popular.  She monopolized all the time with the missionary I also knew.  I felt like no one saw me in the light of her glamour.  She had a wonderful time in a place where I had really suffered.  She and her teammates appeared in a magazine our ministry put out, and that was really hard on me to see them honored.  

     One particular day, I was really struggling.  I was reading the story in the Bible about Saul being jealous of David, and throwing a spear at him (First Samuel 18).  In my mind, I was Saul, and I was throwing a spear at Katie.  The mental image lasted only a second, but it scared me to death!  Was I like Saul?  In a sense, I was.  My bad feelings and jealousy were consuming me.  Was Katie wrong as well?  Yes.  She had been very thoughtless, rude and self-important.  But that didn't matter.  I was still letting my bad feelings get the better of me.  

     I took it to the Lord.  I let Him speak to my broken spirit.  By His leading, I prayed for Katie.  I thanked Him for what He was doing in her life.  I wrote her a note, telling her I was praying for her.  She had NO idea the struggle I had faced that led up to it.  But she thanked me.  

     In the months that followed, every time I struggled with bad feelings toward Katie, and my hurtful experiences, I would pray for Katie, thank God for what He was doing in her life, and let her know I was praying for her.  It was just between God and me.  Katie never had any clue what propelled all these encouraging notes I sent her.  I was becoming a better Christian and person.  I was growing in maturity.  I was overcoming.  Katie even told me at one point how much I had encouraged her.  

     Within a very short time (maybe a year later), Katie dropped out of the ministry, without ever going full-time to Zambia.  She got married and settled down.  Nothing in the world wrong with that at all, but wow.  Just wow.  She was a flash in the pan.  Totally enthusiastic, but not mature, prepared, or committed for the long haul.  We all make mistakes about callings.  But she really wanted to go full-time, and was an appointee, and had a lot of supporters...and then she just fizzled out.  I don't know her story or how God worked in her life.  I pass no judgment, but it was interesting.  She was gone, pretty quickly forgotten, and I was still doing the ministry.  Why had I ever been jealous of her?  

     Katie left me with a legacy she will never know.  A legacy of overcoming, of praying for those who hurt me.  I am more like Jesus because of her.  Some people make us more like Christ because they impart godly truths into our lives, or love us unconditionally.  Katie made me more like Christ by her selfish thoughtlessness.  I thank God for all the tools He has used in my life, but dearly pray that I am never used that way!  I want to impart blessings, not heartache.  

Because they matter

     A dear friend has encouraged me to write the following, and I have prayerfully taken her up on addressing a complex subject that has taken me a long time to process.

     It has been over a month since George Floyd was brutally murdered by Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin.  It was a travesty, and should never have happened.  It was a heartbreaking event, and has led to further heartbreak as people have rioted (also resulting in a spike of Covid-19, which had been in decline prior to this).  It seems like the whole world has gone crazy.  

     Even before George Floyd's murder, the phrase (and organization) Black Lives Matter was well-known.  Some took exception to this phrase, arguing that all lives matter.  Others, while agreeing that all lives matter, insist that the statement is one of focus, bringing awareness to injustices that have come upon Black Americans.  There have been many such injustices in our nation's history, and it is inexcusable.  In the days following George Floyd's murder, a lot of awareness was raised.  Some people made very bold claims that, if you are White, you're part of the problem.  If you aren't financially supporting BLM, you are part of the problem.  If you aren't commenting on Facebook and other social media, you are part of the problem.  With these intimidating statements being made, is it any wonder I have felt hesitant to address it, and have taken some time to come to a response?  I've felt like saying anything was to walk on thin ice.  I've been concerned that, even with the best of intentions, I'd somehow be saying the wrong thing and getting numerous people angry with me. It's a lot to process.  In wanting to say what is right, I have needed God's guidance, and that has taken time.     

   Before I comment at all, I'm going to give you a link to two men who are much more informed and articulate than I am.  My favorite Bible teacher on YouTube is Allen Parr, who happens to be Black.  He and a White pastor friend of his put together this phenomenal video as a response to all of this, and how believers of all backgrounds might need to understand others, and what we can all do to bring healing.  It raises awareness in a biblical way.  You can view it here.  I truly hope you will.  

Allen Parr, one of my very favorite Bible teachers

     I guess the best place for me to start is my childhood.  I grew up in a Christian home in suburban Los Angeles.  While known as a racial melting pot, my neighborhood was predominantly Caucasian.  I was taught that God loved all people, and wanted all to be saved.  We were encouraged to learn Spanish, in order to share Christ with Spanish-speakers.  My parents taught me by example to love and value all people.  I remember being six years old at the park one day.  A family showed up while we were there with the friends we usually played with.  This new family happened to be Black, and I thought they were the most beautiful people I had ever seen.  I hadn't really had very much experience with children of other ancestries, and I was completely thrilled to get to play with these beautiful children.  I went to the oldest girl in the family, who was about a year older than me.  I kept running my hand over her arm and in her hair, telling her how pretty she was.  I was as in awe of her as I would have been of a movie star.  I probably kind of annoyed her!  Years later, when I went on a mission trip to Africa, I experienced the same touching and fascination toward me that I had given that beautiful Black girl all those years earlier.  I hope she knew it was complete admiration on my part.

     Yesterday, in our Bible club, we taught the children a G-rated version of the story of Rahab in the Old Testament, and how she, through faith, came to know the true God, and was grafted into God's people of Israel.  She married an Israelite man (showing us God's stamp of approval on inter-racial marriage, for anyone who had any doubts). Ruth (in the book of Ruth) was another example of a foreign woman embracing the true God and marrying into Israel (and both of these women were included in the lineage of Jesus).  In the New Testament, we see even more.  Originally, the early Christians thought the gospel was only for Jews, but in Acts 10, Peter led the first Gentile and his family to the Lord.   Philip led an Ethiopian Jew to Christ (Acts 8).  In Galatians 3:28, the Apostle Paul (who traveled the known world leading people of diverse backgrounds to Christ) writes, There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.  Our different backgrounds shouldn't bring division.  We are all created in the image of God.  This means that Adam and Eve--the first two people ever created, and from whom all of us descended--had the genetics for all skin, hair and eye colors.  

     I worked at the YMCA with school-aged children for a number of years.  One of my coworkers was a sweet Christian woman with whom I had a deep bond.  Her name was Carol.  She and I got together every day to pray for the kids before we started work.  We desperately wanted the Lord to use us in these kids' lives, and in the lives of our unsaved coworkers.  Carol and I shared such a bond in Christ that we treated each other as family, and used to tell the kids we were cousins.  The funny thing is, I am 5 feet, seven inches tall, light-complexioned, and redheaded.  Carol was 4-foot-ten, old enough to be my mother, and was Black.  We didn't look like cousins.  The kids always sort of looked confused at us when we said this, but one day, a third-grader said, "I always kind of thought you were related."  She was seeing something supernatural.  That's what our bond is in the Lord.  Carol used to tell the kids (we had about one-third White, one-third Black, and one-third Hispanic students), "The only race is the human race."

     I have seen very little racial tension in my life, but I do not deny its existence.  I have had some unusual experiences that are not addressed by any media.  I have been called racist and part of the problem, not because of anything I said or did, but simply because my ancestors were from Europe.  Is this fair or right?  No!  I have been told that I come from a position of power, when, in reality, my power is the same as any American--voting.  I have been told I should feel guilty because some people with similar complexions to mine have owned slaves, or mistreated immigrants, even though I have never done these things, and my ancestors were against these things.  One time, at a job I was working, I had someone of another ancestry than myself misrepresent something I said, and twisted it until it was a prejudiced statement.  I got written up for this statement, and I was deeply hurt that I was lied about when my heart wasn't prejudiced or unkind at all.  I went to the HR department, and I was told, "You're White, so you're in the wrong.  You don't have rights."  That doesn't sound very just to me.  I was deeply hurt by this, and really had to depend on the Lord's healing, knowing that only He will bring perfect justice one day.  This coworker tried this on several more Caucasians, and every one of them complained.  When enough of them had, this woman finally got called out for her lying and prejudices.  In spite of these things, racial injustices have not played a big roll in my life.  I know there are things I don't understand.  I know there have been terrible injustices, much worse than what I have shared.  I am very open to hearing your experiences.  

     It seems like things are conspiring to divide us as Americans, people, and sadly, even as Christians.  We can't let that happen.  We need to follow Jesus' words, to love our neighbor as ourselves (Mark 12:31).  There are people I completely disagree with politically, but I can still love them.  There are people who do things I find wrong and even repulsive, but I can still love them, and be courteous.  

     I share my view and opinion in respectful dialogue with those wishing to discuss it with me.  Otherwise, my vote speaks for me, as I said earlier.  This is a privilege every American citizen has.  We can vote, make our voices heard.  So many people in other lands would love to have that opportunity.  Sometimes, people have a need to be heard beyond simply voting or talking, and do things such as marches and demonstrations.  If these are peaceful, I believe this also is our privilege.  In my home state of California, the governor recently mandated that there be no singing in churches.  The reasoning used was that it could spread Covid-19 (interestingly, the governor didn't speak out against people rioting together and spreading Covid).  Many of my Christian friends in California gathered at local parks--socially distancing according to mandates--singing hymns.  I am proud of them for praising God's name in the face of being told not to.  They were peaceful.  These kinds of protests are acceptable.  The same is true for the peaceful protests in response to George Floyd's death.  It was wrong, and people were right to be outraged.  It was right to bring awareness to those of us who may not be in the thick of such injustice.  We need to be made aware.  However, burning down buildings, destroying people's business and properties, demonizing all law enforcement, and looting do nothing to help bring justice.  Even George Floyd's family has spoken out against this.  Many outstanding Black citizens of this country have been killed in the protests, including Black police officers.  This is not the way to resolve injustice.  

     If the organization Black Lives Matter were solely for raising awareness of injustices shown to Black Americans, and for bringing about justice and equality in situations where it may not exist, I would be 100% in favor of it.  I would give money to such a cause.  I would consider it a righteous cause that all Christians should support.  However, BLM is not entirely an honest name for the organization.  It isn't simply for supporting these Americans.  It supports causes that I, as a Bible-believing Christian, cannot get behind, such as Planned Parenthood, and promoting the LGBT(etc) agenda.  I have addressed these causes in other posts, and won't go into them here.  It is also a known fact that the top leaders of BLM (founder Patrisse Cullors and her fellow organizers) are practicing Marxists--an ideology which is not only anti-American but also anti-religion.  It is heartbreaking to me that a group who claims to stand for justice for Black America, is, in fact, supporting the organization that has murdered unborn Black children for years.  I cannot get behind the organization of BLM, regardless of how much I agree with the title.  Black lives do matter.  Where there has been hurt, may we who love the Lord be the first to bring healing. 

     

     

Chronology...or Not

     This has been a turbulent month for us.  We have gone full-time into the ministry.  To read more about that, read my previous post (written exactly a month ago).  In the midst of everything coming together, we have had some long days of ministry.  When things are busy, as they have been, I especially need my "down time" at some point during the day.  In my own personal time, I have been reading some old favorite books.  I wrote a Facebook post about it, and got some good feedback.  I would like to elaborate more on it, though, and hope you will enjoy the journey.  

I have always been an avid reader.  I came from a home where, every year, my parents had a bet to see who read the most books, and the loser had to buy the winner a candy bar on New Years Eve!  My mom usually won, hitting into the upper 90's (as in, she read 90-some books in the year), and my dad would be pretty close behind her.

     Favorite books are like old friends you come back to.  They seem to stand the test of time in your life.  A particular series that fits this description to me is The Chronicles of Narnia, by C.S. Lewis.  These books are allegorical, about the Christian life.  I have read this series numerous times growing up, and every time, I get something deeper from them for my own life.  I'm going to interact with them in this post.

     C.S. Lewis originally wrote the series from 1950-1956.  He started with the most famous book, The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe.  In this story, we meet the Pevencie siblings (though we don't learn their last name until a few books later), Peter, Susan, Edmond and Lucy.  They are evacuees from London during World War II.  They go to live in the country with Professor Kirk.  In his house, they discover a wardrobe in a spare room, which leads them into the fantasy world of Narnia.  In this world, they becoming involved in a battle between good and evil, and see Righteousness conquer.  The Christ figure in the series, a lion named Aslan, dies to redeem Edmond (who has become a traitor), and rises again, ultimately defeating evil in Narnia, and establishing the siblings and kings and queens.  This was the beginning of a series that even Lewis didn't foresee the ending of.  

    I, personally, became aware of The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe in 1988, in grade school.  BBC made a television miniseries of the book.  I remember the commercial looked very exciting to me.  Showing scenes of the film, an exciting voice raised the intrigue, saying, "Two sons of Adam...two daughters of Eve...four thrones..."  I was hooked on the idea of this story!  I thought the two sons of Adam were Cain and Abel, and concluded the story was about the Bible.  I didn't know who the girls were, since we don't know Adam and Eve's daughter's names.  I was convinced it would show Cain killing Abel, and I hoped  it wouldn't be too gross or scary.  I also wondered why the kids in the scenes weren't dressed like Bible characters were "supposed" to dress.  They looked downright 20th century to me!  I really wanted to watch this movie!  I begged my mom, but she told me I had to read the book first!  You'd better believe I did!

1988 Cast of The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe

     I loved the story.  Every time I saw a lamppost, I thought about the lamppost they found when they first entered Narnia through the wardrobe.  I loved the biblical truths contained in this story.  I loved good triumphing over evil.  However, it wasn't until a few years later, when I was in junior high, that I read the rest of this wonderful series.  CS Lewis followed the first book with three others that continue the story of the Pevencies in Narnia: Prince Caspian, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, and The Silver Chair  (which is actually about their cousin, to whom we are introduced in the previous book).  In these books, we get to know the Pevencies, and also see how Narnia develops.  Most importantly, we are introduced more deeply to Aslan.  The experiences the characters have relate to the Christian life.  We learn that the Pevencies' reign in Narnia is the Golden Age, the best time in Narnia's history.  Their last name is not mentioned until The Voyage of the Dawn Treader.  In fact, I didn't even remember them having a last name when the 2005 movie came out, and actually used their last name.  I had wondered if the script writers had made up a last name, but upon re-reading the series, I realized it was in there. 

2005 version of the Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe

 

    After The Silver Chair, Lewis went back in the narrative and wrote The Horse and His Boy which introduces some new characters, has some very in-depth experiences with Aslan, and also gives a look into what Narnia was like during the Golden Age, when Peter, Susan, Edmond and Lucy were reigning.  This book is really the only view we get into that time (other than a brief description at end of The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe), and that alone would make it a worthwhile read.  However, the story itself is also priceless.  This became book five in the series, even though it takes place within the time described in the first book.  

     After this, Lewis wrote a sixth book about Narnia, known as The Magician's Nephew.  This is my second favorite in the series (my favorite being The Voyage of the Dawn Treader), and is the story about how Narnia started in the first place.  This book has Professor Kirk, from The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, as a little boy named Digory Kirk.  Digory and his friend Polly are manipulated by his magician wannabe uncle into discovering other worlds.  They encounter an evil empress named Jadis in a dying empire known as Charn, and they inadvertently bring her back to our world.  In trying to get her back to her own world, they accidentally bring her to Narnia the very day of it's creation.  This story is an allegory about Creation, and sin entering the world.  It is deep and meaningful, but also quite funny, with Digory's Uncle Andrew (the mad scientist/magician) trying to justify what he is doing the whole time.  Since this is the sixth book written in the series, Lewis writes with more authority about Narnia.  He clearly knows it, and Alsan, much better than he did when he wrote the first book.  Jadis becomes the White Witch, and she is given a very different history in The Magician's Nephew than she was briefly given five books earlier in The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe.  However, since that description was so short and minimal, the inconsistency was probably not noticed when The Magician's Nephew was published five years later.  

     After these two books were written, Lewis jumped back into the original chronology and wrote a seventh and final book to the series, The Last Battle.  This is an allegory about end times, Christ's return, and our future with Him forever.  It is a beautiful story with a hope-filled, inspiring ending.  Not only does it continue to follow the previous characters, but also incorporates the character he introduced in The Horse and His Boy and The Magician's Nephew.  

     Some years later, in 1994, the series was republished in a different order.  The Magician's Nephew was put as book one, and The Horse and His Boy was put as book 3, taking place directly following The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe.  The only real difference is the placement of these two books.  I recently asked people who read my author page to share their favorite order--the original or the newer, chronological order.  I enjoyed people's responses.  The biggest opinion I seemed to get was that most seemed to prefer the originally-published order.  Most preferred to have The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe as the first book in the series.  One reader pointed out that Lewis' writing develops with the series, and I agree with that.  As I said, there is much more familiarity with it in The Magician's Nephew, so to have that one first, then having The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe  after it does sort of seem like a step backwards.  Another person pointed out that, when we give unbelievers a Bible, we encourage them to read the gospel of John first, because they might not read anything else, and they need that so desperately for the rest to make sense.  In the same way, she said, readers need to read the redemption story first, which would make The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe book one.  Also worth noting, the character of Digory Kirk was already established in the Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe as an old, unmarried professor.  This rules out his ever marrying Polly Plummer, who is his friend and comrade in The Magician's Nephew.  In reality, I believe Lewis would have had them marry had he not already established this, because in his non-fiction book The Four Loves, he states that it is unlikely that two friends of the opposite sex would remain good friends without falling in love.  Sadly, he precluded that possibility for Digory and Polly.  

     To me, personally, I can read The Magician's Nephew as book one or book six without any real difference of opinion.  It fits both ways.  However, I do have more of an opinion about The Horse and His Boy.  I prefer the "new" chronological order for that one.  I think it is very powerful coming right after The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe and before Prince Caspian.  The Horse and His Boy illustrates what Narnia was like during the Golden Age.  Reading that, and then following it up with their return to a desolate Narnia hundreds of years later in Prince Caspian is very substantial.  The contrast is very blunt, and makes the point stronger.  

     Some powerful points I take from the series:

     *One thing I love in the 2005 movie is an added scene that takes place after the ending credits.  It shows Lucy slowly, almost shyly, approaching the wardrobe, attempting to return to Narnia.  Just as she gets there, the Professor stops her and says, "I don't think you'll get back in that way."  She looks startled and turns to him.  With longing in his eyes, the Professor adds, "You see, I've already tried."  Even without knowing the story of The Magician's Nephew, you gather that he's had experiences there that brought him much joy--experiences he would love to relive, just as Lucy is trying to do.  Lucy asks him, "Will we ever go back?"  He replies, "I expect so, but it will probably happen when you're not looking for it.  All I'm saying is to keep your eyes open."  Contentedly assured, Lucy takes his hand and they walk away.  Behind them, the wardrobe opens slightly, light comes out, and Aslan roars.  His presence still hangs in the air, even though it isn't time for them to return to Narnia.  And I relate to that.  I have had moments in my life that I consider "preludes to Heaven" where God's joy hovered all over me, and everything seemed right and perfect.  These times never last very long, but they serve as a reminder for what waits beyond this life.  One such time for me was growing up in a close-knit church family.  For a few years, it really seemed perfect, and that was a time when God shaped my ideals of life.  Another "prelude" was my first year as a summer missionary in high school.  God just gives us those moments when we need them.  But we can't go back and try to recreate them on our own, just like the Professor and Lucy can't get back into Narnia through the wardrobe.  It happens when we're not looking for it...but Jesus is still there.

     *In The Horse and His Boy, a young man named Shasta has lived all his life believing himself to be an unloved Calormen child of an abusive father, when instead, he is stolen royalty.  As he comes to understand who he is (during an exciting escape), he encounters Aslan, and learns that the hardest experiences of their journey and of his life have been times Aslan was sovereignly working for his good.  It gives me a different perspective of my own experiences.  Aslan also tells both Shasta and Aravis, "I tell no one any story but his own."  God doesn't owe me an explanation how He deals with others (even though I sometimes want one!).

     *In Prince Caspian, Lucy is so excited to see Aslan again, in the midst of finding Narnia in decay.  When it turns out Aslan has different plans than Lucy, she says "I thought you would come roaring in and frighten all the enemies away--like last time.  And now, everything is going to be horrid."  Aslan replies, "It is hard for you, little one, but things never happen the same way twice.  It has been hard for all of us in Narnia before now."  Lucy pulls it together and says, "I'm sorry Aslan.  I'm ready now."  He tells her, "Now, you are a lioness, and now all Narnia will be renewed."  That is so deep and rich to me.  Sort of like what I said about "preludes" we can't recreate the workings of God from the past.  God has new plans.  If God worked by patterns and formula, we wouldn't need faith.  We have to trust Him and follow His leading, even if things aren't working the same way as we had hoped.  We have to believe God has a plan, even when we can't see.  Aslan definitely does in this book, as can be seen by the end.  And, as Aslan promised Lucy, we find renewal when we trust and obey.  In fact, we not only find renewal, but bring it to the situation.  I'm reminded of the phrase, you can't live on past victories.  In a sense, that's true, because things don't happen the same way again.  But, we aren't to forget those victories.  In other places in this book, it refers to the Pevencies being encouraged by seeing sites where they once won victories.  I think we're supposed to remember, but also trust the Lord for what is to come next.  

     *In the book The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, when Lucy and Edmond are told at the end that they will never return to Narnia, they are devastated.  "It isn't Narnia, you know," Lucy tells him.  "It's you.  We shan't meet you there.  How shall we live never meeting you?" 

     "But you shall meet me, dear one," says Alsan.

     "Are--are you there too, Sir?" asks Edmond.

     "I am," replies Aslan.  "But there I have another name.  You must learn to know me by that name.  This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here fro a little, you may know m better there."  

     I used this passage in my Bible College graduation speech (I was salutatorian).  When we have to leave places or stages of life, we need to find the Lord in our new place.  That's the whole point.  Each stage of life--everywhere we go---everyone we meet--is meant to show us Jesus, and that by knowing Him where we are, we'll know Him better in the next step.  Romans 8:29-30 tells us that God makes us like Jesus.  We are predestined, called, justified and glorified.  

     *In The Magician's Nephew, Aslan says of Uncle Andrew, "Oh Adam's sons, how cleverly you defend yourselves against all that might do you good!"  That convicts me.  I have let fear keep me from certain things in my life.  This phrase has stuck with me.  Whenever I'm tempted to walk away from a situation that might be good for me, I am reminded of this, and I often choose to stay.  

     *And who can beat the end of The Last Battle: ‘There was a real railway accident,’ said Aslan softly. ‘Your father and mother and all of you are???as you used to call it in the Shadowlands???dead. The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning.’??

And as He spoke He no longer looked to them like a lion; but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them. And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at least they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.

     That is all I have to say.  What are your favorite life lessons from this series?