Lessons from a Zealous Missionary

     One of the tools in my life that has helped make me more like Jesus was a very zealous missionary.  This young woman, whom I'll refer to as Katie, had a positive affect on my spiritual life, but not in the way you might expect.  

     The summer I was eighteen, I went on a mission trip to Zambia.  I had no idea what it would be like.  I had so many questions about what to expect, what to bring, what I didn't need to bring, etc.  I was very excited when the missionary headquarters contacted me and said that a girl who had been on the Zambia team the previous summer wanted to talk to me.  This girl, Katie, was so excited about her own experience that she wanted to touch base with the next summer's team, which included me.  I was initially happy to talk to her.  

Map of Africa, with Zambia highlighted in red.

     We ended up talking on the phone.  Katie gushed excitedly about how wonderful Zambia was, and how she envied me that I got to go.  It turned out, she had been so inspired by her time there that she had committed to going full-time as a missionary to Zambia with the organization.  She was what they called a missionary candidate, working on raising her support.  All her stories were glowing reports of how perfect and wonderful Zambia was.  She had clearly been deeply touched by her time there.  She only said one negative thing at all, and that was about one of the girls on her team.  It turns out I knew this teammate she thought so little of.  I wasn't incredibly close to her, but had a positive experience with her in ministry.  It saddened me to hear Katie say negative things about this girl whom I had seen serve the Lord so mightily.  "I know God loves her," Katie said, "but that's hard for me to do right now."   I clearly wasn't part of their conflict, and there is no way I could have gotten to the bottom of it.  It wasn't even my business.  But anyway, with Katie's gushy happiness, I moved forward with my trip.

     My time in Zambia had it's good and its bad.  I have shared in detail about it in other posts.  A young man in the overseas ministry training program had made some inappropriate advances and been a very hurtful stumbling block to me.  Even though he wasn't going to Zambia with me, he was part of our training before we went to our different countries.  Then, one of my actual teammates, a female, was terribly difficult and controlling.  Some very hard times happened that summer.  There were also good times.  I bonded deeply with our interpreter, Joyce.  I saw children give their hearts to the Lord.  I grew in the Lord to levels I never otherwise would have.  This was at a time when the Internet was a new thing even in the US, and not everyone had it.  There was definitely not Internet usage in Zambia.  In fact, we didn't even have a telephone to call the US.  My only communication with the US was writing postal letters and sending them airmail.  Being so cut off from family and church friends made me more dependent on the Lord.  

     As for Katie's glowing reports, my experiences were different.  People she bonded with misunderstood me and didn't care for me, and I connected with those she hadn't been close to.  That is okay.  I have my own personality, and bond with people I like.  No big deal.  Katie and I were just different, and brought different experiences into our time in Zambia, and therefore had different experiences there.  That's normal.  I did learn something else about her time, though.  Their team had been stuck in Zambia longer than planned, due to a flight cancellation.  They were supposed to have confirmed their flight upon arrival in Zambia, but hadn't known to do it.  They learned the hard way.  Since Katie neglected to share this with us, we made the same mistake.  We almost had to stay in Zambia an extra month!  That would have made me start college late, possibly missing my first semester.  And it all could have been avoided if Katie had only told us, but I guess it wasn't that big of a deal to her.  Thanks, Katie.  Well, by God's grace, we did get on our flight home, and made it on time.  

Monkeys at Victoria Falls, Livingstone, Zambia.  After I took this picture, they charged at me!  They also stole our lunch!

     I didn't think that much about Katie, other than that she was very different from me.  That's okay.  But anyway, the next summer, I actually met her in person.  We were both back at headquarters.  She was returning to Zambia short-term with the team for that summer (though still a full-time missionary candidate).  I was on my way to do ministry in Boston for the summer.  Upon meeting her, I found her to be basically nice, but kind of flighty and thoughtless.  She talked about her plans to return full-time to Zambia, and her short trip that summer.  She didn't show any interest in me or anyone else as far as I could see.

     I learned even more details about Katie's experience.  That first summer she had gone, the year before I had, there had only been three young women on the team. Katie had gone with her best friend, and the two of them hadn't gotten along with the third team mate I mentioned.  Observing Katie, I could understand why.  She was very thoughtless.  It is very likely she and her buddy were very cliquish and exclusive, and left this other girl out.  I would have gotten annoyed with Katie too!  I heard her speaking ill of this teammate at headquarters to other people.  I felt that was wrong.  I have had terrible experiences with teammates at times, but I didn't speak ill of them to other, uninvolved people.  That's just not right.  I will note that there is a time to talk about our experiences.  She should have shared about this situation with a safe person, in confidence.  If she felt led to speak publicly (as there are times to publicly share our stories), she should have kept the teammate's identity secret.  But openly talking about the team mate to other people, in a way that anyone could overhear, seemed unfair to the teammate, who wasn't there to defend herself.  

     After we all got back from our summers, and were at recap, I saw Katie with her teammates.  I saw a little bit of tension, and I got the picture that she had been controlling, and that there had been some conflicts (though, I hasten to add, their team was more or less on good terms).  In my experience, she acted like she owned Zambia.  If she acted like this toward her teammates, I'm sure that annoyed them.  I will add that one of her teammates that summer was the guy from the year before who had made inappropriate advances.  I still really struggled with that, and he continued to give me signals that brought on a lot of hurt and confusion.  

     The next year, our ministry had an International Conference.  I saw the Zambia missionary (who was a Zambian national).  I wanted the chance to talk with him and spend some time with him.  It was his first time in the United States.  I also saw Katie.  She hung around the Zambian missionary there, and I had no opportunity to talk to him without her hovering around, sometimes answering for him when I'd ask questions.  She made it all about her and what she was doing.  She talked to the missionary in front of me about things that didn't include me.  I felt left out, like some junior higher.

     The worst part of that whole time was when we all took a bus from the conference center to the local Walmart.  It was the Zambian missionary's first time in a Walmart, and Katie was hovering, making a production about it all.  On the bus, I was right in front of them, and Katie just talked on and on about planning his itinerary for the weeks he would be in the US after the conference.  They were planning to have all of the Zambia team from the previous summer fly into Katie's city and visit with the Zambia missionary while he was there.  I know I wasn't on that team, and I didn't expect to be invited, but it was really hard hearing about that.  I heard them praising the young man who had hurt me.  At one point, I asked the Zambian missionary if he thought he'd make it down to LA, and I could meet up with him.  Katie answered for him, telling me no.  They didn't have time.  

     

     My time in Zambia, and overall missionary experiences, had left my heart hurting.  Katie was stripping me of any redemption I might have had from it.  I was given no chance to catch up with people I really felt a need to touch base with, who could have been a source of encouragement, understanding and healing.  It was all about Katie.  

     Then, in the midst of this, Katie asked me to be one of her prayer partners.  She needed a certain number (100 or 200, something like that).  Unable to think of a good reason to say no, I agreed.  

     I knew she didn't care two cents about me at all.  For her, I was a mark on a page for her to be able to go overseas.  She had gone from missionary candidate to missionary appointee (I don't recall exactly what the difference was, but an appointee is much closer to being on the field).  She hadn't completed Bible college, a requirement for being a missionary, but was looking at going to a Bible college in Zambia while she served there.  She really wanted to get over there.  Because I had agreed to be a prayer partner, I was on her mailing list.  The first letter I received from her was all about her and the Zambia missionary on his first trip to Walmart.  There was even a ridiculous picture of them in front of the Walmart from that frustrating day there.  

     I still had a lot of healing up I needed from my experiences.  The experiences weren't all related to Katie (if anything, she was just a small nuisance, certainly not the source of my hurts).  However, she and her self-centered attitude became a lightening rod for everything I was feeling at the time.  I was serving full-time in my hometown, and doing my best, but still emotionally struggling.  Days rushed by, and I did the best I could.  I was in pain.  No one seemed to notice.  Getting Katie's letters was a thorn in my side.  She was popular.  She monopolized all the time with the missionary I also knew.  I felt like no one saw me in the light of her glamour.  She had a wonderful time in a place where I had really suffered.  She and her teammates appeared in a magazine our ministry put out, and that was really hard on me to see them honored.  

     One particular day, I was really struggling.  I was reading the story in the Bible about Saul being jealous of David, and throwing a spear at him (First Samuel 18).  In my mind, I was Saul, and I was throwing a spear at Katie.  The mental image lasted only a second, but it scared me to death!  Was I like Saul?  In a sense, I was.  My bad feelings and jealousy were consuming me.  Was Katie wrong as well?  Yes.  She had been very thoughtless, rude and self-important.  But that didn't matter.  I was still letting my bad feelings get the better of me.  

     I took it to the Lord.  I let Him speak to my broken spirit.  By His leading, I prayed for Katie.  I thanked Him for what He was doing in her life.  I wrote her a note, telling her I was praying for her.  She had NO idea the struggle I had faced that led up to it.  But she thanked me.  

     In the months that followed, every time I struggled with bad feelings toward Katie, and my hurtful experiences, I would pray for Katie, thank God for what He was doing in her life, and let her know I was praying for her.  It was just between God and me.  Katie never had any clue what propelled all these encouraging notes I sent her.  I was becoming a better Christian and person.  I was growing in maturity.  I was overcoming.  Katie even told me at one point how much I had encouraged her.  

     Within a very short time (maybe a year later), Katie dropped out of the ministry, without ever going full-time to Zambia.  She got married and settled down.  Nothing in the world wrong with that at all, but wow.  Just wow.  She was a flash in the pan.  Totally enthusiastic, but not mature, prepared, or committed for the long haul.  We all make mistakes about callings.  But she really wanted to go full-time, and was an appointee, and had a lot of supporters...and then she just fizzled out.  I don't know her story or how God worked in her life.  I pass no judgment, but it was interesting.  She was gone, pretty quickly forgotten, and I was still doing the ministry.  Why had I ever been jealous of her?  

     Katie left me with a legacy she will never know.  A legacy of overcoming, of praying for those who hurt me.  I am more like Jesus because of her.  Some people make us more like Christ because they impart godly truths into our lives, or love us unconditionally.  Katie made me more like Christ by her selfish thoughtlessness.  I thank God for all the tools He has used in my life, but dearly pray that I am never used that way!  I want to impart blessings, not heartache.