Normal?

      I have a confession.  I'm not normal.  Now I have an observation.  Neither are you.  

     We live in a hyper-sensitive. society.  It seems like everyone is offended by everything, and everyone is bending over backwards to facilitate others.  On the one hand, it is good to be sensitive to how other people feel.  Sometimes, we can unknowingly make people feel left out and invalidated.  We need to be thoughtful of others.  Philippians 2:4 says to not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.  Likewise, Romans 12:10 says, Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.  However, it seems like we've gone far beyond this, to the point of trying to say that everything is acceptable and normal, when it isn't.  The truth is, the problem isn't people being too sensitive.  The problem is people being entitled.  

     I was appalled by the recent decision of Dove soap to remove the word "normal" from the label of their soap for "normal" skin.  I guess they don't want those without "normal" skin to feel offended.  But here's the thing.  I took a charm course in high school (about proper grooming, dressing, manners, etc.), and we learned that "normal" skin is actually not nearly as common as dry or oily, but it is called "normal" because it is a happy medium.  The label is not meant to invalidate other skin types!  Besides, what is normal?  

I guess sensitive skin is still acceptable!

      According to the dictionary, the definition of normal is: conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.  Obviously, normal isn't one idea, but a range of what we would expect to see without being surprised.  It is normal for the weather to be sunny, cloudy or rainy at any given time of year most places, but it would be abnormal to have a snowstorm in the summer.  Such a happening would be surprising.  That doesn't make it unacceptable.  It just makes it outside the realm of what we would consider normal.  Abnormal is not necessarily a bad thing.  It isn't invalid.  See, there is a difference between being normal and being worthy. Nobody should be made to feel that they, as a human, are invalid.  But that doesn't make them normal  No one is perfectly normal in every way.  That's what makes us unique.  Some people are surprisingly good musicians or writers, or have some other amazing skill.  Is that kind of talent "normal"?  No, it's better!  Who wants to be ordinary when you can be extraordinary?  

     I have felt invalidated and unworthy at times.  I wrote a post on that a few moths ago, actually.  Being invalidated means (again, according to the dictionary) to make (an argument, statement, or theory) unsound or erroneous.  In a person's life, being invalidated means that their life or experiences are minimized or denied.  I was once hit in the jaw by a baseball while playing an informal game with a group of friends.  One of the people playing with me immediately said, "That didn't hurt!  You're fine!"  He was wrong.  It did hurt!  His statement invalidated what I had experienced.  This happens to all of us at times, in small ways and large.  Being invalidated can make you feel crazy inside.  Your feelings matter, and my feelings matter.  Our feelings and the way we experience something can't rightly be invalidated, because no one else is inside of you, experiencing something exactly like you do.  Feelings are always legitimate (there is an important caveat to that, which I'll get to).  Jesus wept (John 11:35) even though He knew He was about to raise Lazarus from the dead.  Feelings always matter.  Never try to explain away feelings--yours or anyone else's.  Here is the important caveat I mentioned. Feelings are always legitimate as feelings, and are often indicators of things going on inside of you, but they are not always a legitimate lens by which to look at reality.  Our feelings can have us confused.  Jeremiah 17:9 tells us, The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked, who can know it?  Feelings might not be based on truth, and the false premise should be invalidated, but not the feelings themselves.  For example, if I got false information that my mother died, I would be devastated.  Those feelings would be completely legitimate, and shouldn't be invalidated as feelings.  However, if someone has the right information--that my mother actually didn't die--they can and should tell me the truth, thus invalidating the the facts I had previously believed.  I would be relieved, but the feelings I had experienced when I falsely believed that my mother died would still have been legitimate feelings.  We should lovingly challenge false beliefs.  In doing so, we are not invalidating the person's experience with those beliefs, but we are invalidating the false beliefs themselves.  As Christians, our beliefs are informed by the Bible.  We need to hold to the truth, but be compassionate while doing so.  Telling someone, "You're sinning.  Knock it off," isn't going to win them over.  Acknowledge the feelings and experiences that led them to this, but show them the biblical truth.  Validate their personhood without validating their sin. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. (Romans 12:15).  The truth will set you free. (John 8:32).  

     Having said all of that, invalidation is different from abnormality.  Remember, normal means conforming to a standard; usual, typical or expected.  There are a lot of things that are not conformed to a standard.  These things are not usual, typical or expected.  I am deathly allergic to bananas.  My throat closes up if I'm in the same room as a peeled banana.  This is a dangerous and serious allergy.  And you know what?  I know it isn't normal.  Most people don't have banana allergies.  Many are surprised to learn of my allergy.  But does that mean I'm unacceptable?  No!  It just means that this is something that isn't expected.  I don't need to be offended by that.  We are all "not normal" about some things, and it is sickening the way our society today is trying to make everything "normal."  I'm sorry, but not everything is normal, not even everything about me.  

     Now, what if I were to take my banana allergy and make a cause out if it.  What if I called those who ate bananas hateful or ignorant, or started a Facebook virtue signaling crusade that said, "I don't avoid bananas for me, I avoid them for you!"  What if I tried to make everyone on earth stop growing and consuming bananas...all so I wouldn't have to be abnormal or deal with the effects of my allergy?  Would that be fair or right to society as whole?  Would that be for the good of public interest?  No!  It would be absurdly selfish and crazy!  My abnormality is my responsibility.  It is my job to take care of myself.  If someone near me is eating a banana, it is my job to get away, where I can breathe.  It isn't that person's problem.  I can humbly ask those who are close to me to consider my problem when I'm around, and I would hope they would (out of love, not obligation), but nobody's freedom should be hampered because of my unexpected allergy.  Nut allergies are quite a bit more common than banana allergies, and I see society as a whole accommodating that much more, but that is okay.  That is more "normal" or expected than my allergy.  I can enjoy nuts in my home (and I do!).  

     When I taught 5th grade at a Christian school, one of my students was being raised by her grandparents.  This girl was actually quite manipulative, and she pitched a fit anytime I used the words mother or father, even if it was in the Bible or other subjects.  She said it was mean towards her, because she didn't have parents.  As a Christian teacher, I tried to be as loving, understanding and compassionate as I could.  I tried to validate her experiences with her grandparents, but I wasn't going to stop saying mother and father.  It wasn't right of her to demand that.  

     Is being abnormal the same as being invalid?  No!  In the example of my banana allergy, this is simply a way that I am different from the norm, but has nothing to do with my self-worth.  The same is true for the little girl being raised by grandma and grandpa.  Someone else might have another abnormality.  There is no shame in admitting we're not normal.  I think it is crazy that the folks who make Dove soap think people attach self-worth of whether their skin type is "normal."  Maybe some do, and that is tragically pathetic.  

     What does the Bible say about our self-worth?  We need to value what God values.  In Micah 6:8, we are told, He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?  Being just and merciful with others and walking humbly with the Lord is God's norm!  Nothing about skin type in there!  Remember, being normal is overrated!  Be the person God created you to be.  Do justly, love mercy, and walk with God!