Man Plans His Way...

     Proverbs 16:9 aptly says, A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.  We have certainly experienced that!

     My husband and I just took a trip to Idaho to spend Thanksgiving with family and friends.  We had a fun drive up, visiting another missionary couple in Kansas along the way.  

Walter and I are pictured with our good friends, Bob and Becca Adamson.  The four of us have served in ministry together.  They recently moved back to their hometown of Newton, Kansas, and we enjoyed visiting with them en route to Idaho!

     We also enjoyed some beautiful scenery in Wyoming...

     Along the way, we have been listened to two of our favorite Christian fiction books on CD, Frank Peretti's This Present Darkness, and the sequel, Piercing the Darkness.  We had both read these books several times, but listened to them on CD was kind of a different experience, and we enjoyed it.  It was a nice drive.

 

     While in Idaho, we enjoyed time with friends and family, especially our precious niece Macey.  Here, we are pictured with her at our favorite pizza restaurant in Rupert, Idaho, Doc's Pizza.  You can't really tell, but she is wearing a T-shirt we got her that says Somebody in Arkansas Loves Me!  

     The adventure really got crazy on our return trip.  We had some reasons we wanted to take a less conventional trip home.  We took a beautiful highway through Eastern Idaho, up into the Montana Rockies.  It was absolutely gorgeous, and we had a wonderful time taking in that beauty and the Lord's presence.  These two pictures were taken just minutes apart, and only a few miles.  In the first, the outside temperature was in the 20's, and in the latter, it was almost 50 degrees!

     The object of our goal (one of them) was to get to Hamilton, Montana (which we did) and go Black Friday shopping at Kmart--one of the few Kmarts left!  From here on out, the pictures I'll show are off the Internet and not my phone/camera, and I'll explain why in a minute.  As you can see, this Kmart in Hamilton has the original signage from before 1990 (when it switched).  Even though I got this picture off the Internet, I can attest that it looks just like this.  

     Many of you know that Kmart is an old favorite of mine.  I grew up going there long before my home state had Walmart.  Even after we did, I have always preferred Kmart.  It saddens me that there are so few left, and if I'm honest, I doubt any will remain in the long run (I'd love to be surprised, though).  We love going to Kmart.  As some of you remember, we took a very quick trip up to Marshall, Michigan a few months ago and went to their Kmart (which is now set to close soon, but at the time, was doing very well.  The manager even offered us jobs!).  I think our out-of-the-way excursion to the Hamilton Kmart was sort of a fun attempt at nostalgia, maybe trying to cling to the past one last time.  Trying to do what we can to stop the inevitable tide from going out.  Do you do that with anything?  Kind of sad, isn't it?  But we had fun.  

     Anyway, from there, we drove across Montana.  Right about the time we got out of Kmart, my phone simply stopped working.  It doesn't recognize the sim card.  We didn't have time to deal with it then, but we were certain that we could run into an AT&T store the next day and get a new sim card.  No problem, right?  Five minutes, tops.  

     We got to North Dakota (which was another goal we had.  It was the last state in the contiguous US West of the Mississippi Walter had not been to).  We lived in South Dakota for a few years, but never made it to North Dakota.  We have now, and really like it.  That northern accent I had in South Dakota (but lost) has returned to me up here!  Just ask me to say the word "Dakota" and you'll hear it with the long O!  I've also gotten back into saying "eh?" at the end of sentences!  It's amazing how easy it is to pick it back up!  HA! HA!  I'm sure I'll lose it again soon!  For me to make all states west of the Mississippi, I still have to go to Louisiana, but I will soon enough.  I've also not been to Alaska, and Walter hasn't been to Alaska or Hawaii, so we have some more traveling to do!

     Anyway, in Bismarck, North Dakota, we took my phone into a shop.  It literally took them hours to figure out that the phone is simply dead.  It wasn't the sim card, but the phone.  I am phoneless!  I had just gotten this phone, so I am eligible for a free replacement.  It will just take a week or so!  I am phoneless for the time being.  I am reachable by email (on my computer) but not by text or phone call until I get that replacement!

     That stay at the AT&T shop took its time and put us way behind schedule.  We were able to enjoy a nice late lunch or early dinner in Bismarck before setting off...but then something else happened we did not anticipate.  Walter got sick. Very, very sick.  We had to pull over on the Interstate ever five miles or so for him to get out and get sick behind the car on the shoulder.  It was awful for him.  It took a very long time to get to Fargo (the state's largest city, and on the far eastern end of North Dakota).  By then he felt like he was dying!  We went to the hospital and admitted him.  It turned out to be very bad heartburn.  He is perfectly okay, and was discharged after a few hours.  That hospital is willing to work with Walter's insurance (he has it through being a member of the Cherokee Tribe).  Anyway, by the time he was discharged, he was very late, and we just checked into a local hotel.  We had not planned to stay in Fargo overnight, but here we are.  We had hoped to get home early Sunday morning--maybe in time for church!  As I type this, it is mid morning on Sunday, and we haven't left Fargo yet.  Also, due to the situation, we have to make a stop in Oklahoma to take care of some insurance things regarding his hospital stay, and that will add more time.  We probably won't be home until late Monday.  

     I am so thankful for the adventure of it all, the safety we've had, and especially that Walter is going to be okay.  If you read this before the evening of the 29th, pray for a safe return home.  We have a lot of ministry this week (Happy Birthday Jesus parties, normal Good News Club, meetings with church leaders, etc.).  We had it all planned out, but God directs our steps.  He had a purpose in this, and we are trusting Him!  

Reflection

     "Why does this stuff happen to me?" I asked myself as I cried in my car.  "What's wrong with me?  Why does this keep happening?"

     What was I referring to?  In this case, I was referring to the ending of a dating relationship.  I was twenty-three, and the guys I seemed to attract had some scary similarities.  They were all wimps!  They talked about wanting a future, but then didn't follow through.  They would build up to getting serious with me, causing me to really get my hopes up, but then pull back, leaving. me confused.  When I questioned one of them, he denied everything about our relationship had even happened at all.  This left me feeling crazy and confused.  It had just happened again, with a young man I had thought was better than that.  This all really played on my self-esteem.  My husband Walter eventually came along, and had the strength of character to make a stand.  

     This wasn't the only case of me questioning myself in reaction to other people's behavior toward me.  Why did this friendship end?  Why did this boss not like me?  Why didn't this or that situation work out?  What was it about me?  

     And until recently, I would think that way any time an uncomfortable situation happened to me.  So-and-so was rude--what's wrong with me?  So-and-so asked me an inappropriate question--what's wrong with me?  You name it.  Maybe you do this too.  You think that people's words and actions are a reflection of you.  Well, I learned some good news, and I want to share it:  What you do is a reflection of you.  What someone else does is a reflection of them!

     First of all, the experiences I had (in dating, friendships, work, etc.) were not really that unique to me.  Many people face the things I did, so it really wasn't "just me."  I would venture to guess that everyone has had people treat them rudely, leave them out, hurt their feelings, overstep bounds with them.  I imagine almost everyone who has been in the workforce for any length of time has had a boss that didn't really connect with them.  Very few have never been disappointed in love.  The commonality of such things should make us all aware that it isn't "us" as much as part of being human.  Their sin against you didn't happen because of some unseen force of your personality that you're not aware of.  

     Also, those people's actions reflect on that person, not on you.  It is their problem.  Someone of the opposite sex showing an interest, monopolizing your time, making sure they have your attention, alluding to marriage, and then pulling back without explanation and denying everything reflects their own lack of readiness (possibly cowardliness), not something about you.  Someone being harsh or cruel reflects their own brokenness, not yours.  The Bible is very clear that everyone sins (Romans 3:23).  It is also clear that every person is responsible for his or her own sins.  Deuteronomy 24:16 says, ...every man shall be put to death for his own sin.  As Christians, we have taken Jesus' sacrifice for our sins as our means of salvation and forgiveness...but that does not absolve us of responsibility for our wrongdoing.  We will give an account to God for our lives (Romans 14:12).  We are responsible.  When it comes to what people say and do to us, that reveals their heart, not ours (A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil; for of the abundance of his heart his mouth speaketh. -Luke 6:45).  We will not give an account to God for other people's actions.  That's on them.  What they do and say to you comes out of their heart--their beauty or their ugliness.  It isn't your fault.  Unfortunately, their problem can hurt you, but it isn't your sin.  It doesn't reflect on you.  It has taken me a very long time to learn this.  God is with you as you heal from the hurts inflicted by other people's sin (He healeth the brokenhearted, and bindeth up their wounds. -Psalm 147:3). 

     If someone is hurtful, unkind, insincere, or inconsistent with you, that is a reflection on that person, not on you.  Your only possible fault is allowing that in your life.  You show people how they are allowed to treat you by tolerating what they do.  Your toleration is your action (albeit a passive action) and reflects on you.  If someone continues to treat you in a way you don't like, talk to them about it.  If that doesn't work, distance yourself.  Surround yourself with safe people who make you feel good and urge you on in the Lord.  

     Sometimes, things are complicated.  There are intense conflicts with deep feelings on all sides.  Someone pushes another person's buttons, and they react badly.  The same principle applies.  Each is responsible for his or her actions.  The person who pushed is reflecting who they are.  The person who reacts is doing the same.  An example of this is the story of Moses.  The Israelites had tried the patience of both God and Moses.  That reflected on them, and God disciplined them.  But Moses wasn't perfect either. In Numbers 20, he disobeyed God in anger toward the people.  He struck the rock instead of speaking to it.  The people's sin had angered Moses to the point that he chose to sin.  Their sin wasn't on Moses, but his own reaction was.  The result was that Moses didn't get to go into the Promised Land.  His disobedience was a reflection of himself, completely separate from what the Israelites did.  

     There is no one to blame for our own sin.  No one made you do it.  If they are pushing you, triggering you, and brining out the worst in you, that reflects on them, and you are responsible to remove yourself.  What you do always reflects on you.  So here are my questions for you to ponder and pray about:

1) What sins of other people have you agonized over and taken as a reflection of yourself? 

2) What are your current choices, actions, and words reflecting about you?  What would God have you do about it?  

Only God

      What are some things that you, as a believer, can do?  According the scripture, you can do all things through Christ! (Philippians 4:13).  But what does that mean?  Is this verse a promise that we can always have the outcomes we want in a situation?  I have seen people use this verse to claim things that we are not promised, such as winning a contest, achieving certain results, or material gain.  What is the "everything" we can do through Christ?  In short, it is everything we are called to do.  In context, the Apostle Paul was talking to the Philippians about being able to get along with very little, or with plenty.  God can enable us to accomplish what He has called us to do.  We can have spiritual victory.  We can have a victorious perspective, even in the face of defeat.  We can press on toward the next thing God has for us (Philippians 3:14--a chapter earlier!).  There are many things that the power of God in our lives can help us do.  

     The problem I have found is that sometimes, people attempt to accomplish things that only God can do.  I have been guilty of this myself.  Perhaps you have as well.  Most of the time, people are well-meaning, and what they want is good and godly.  It just isn't humanly possible.  Maybe it would be easier to explain if I gave some examples.  

1) Only God can save.

     As Christians, we are commanded to preach the gospel, but we are never commanded to save anyone.  Only God does that.  Only God draws people to understand and believe the gospel.  We might be tempted to try harder to be persuasive.  We might try harder to create this "come to Jesus" environment.  In John 6:44, Jesus said, No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him.  In Ephesians 2:8, we are told that even the faith to receive Christ is not of your own doing.  It is the gift of God.  In First Corinthians 2:4, the Apostle Paul wrote, and my message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power.  Conversion is a work of the Spirit, not a work of the person sharing the Gospel.  We do our best, and God uses us, but only He can convince someone of the truth.  

     I remember, many years ago, I worked at a Christian day care center.  There was a very sweet first grader named Mikey.  One Monday, I was chatting with Mikey while he dug in the sand on the playground.  I ended up sharing the gospel with him, explaining about sin, Christ, and salvation. I told him how a person could respond to God's invitation, but I didn't ask him to do it.  The next day, I shared with Mikey again, and he listened intently.  I repeated this every day as I had opportunity to talk with him on the playground.  All week, he listened politely to me, not saying much, but taking it in.  By Friday, I thought, "He's heard it all week.  He must be ready now!"  So once again, I shared the gospel, but this time, I asked him if he wanted to receive Christ.  He responded, "Why should I do it today?  I already did it on Monday the first time you told me about it!"  God had saved this boy, and I didn't have any clue!  It's His work, but He lets us help!

2) Only God can open doors.

     In Acts 16, Paul attempted to go share Christ in Asia, but, for reasons we don't fully understand, the Holy Spirit prevented him.  Instead, God used a dream to cause Paul to go to Philippi (and that is the beginning of the gospel in Europe, and by extension, the beginning of the gospel to North and South America, Australia, and yes, even to Asia).  God closed doors, and opened doors.  He does the same with us today.  Revelation 3:7-8 tell us that God opens and no one will shut, who shuts and no one opens. "‘I know your works. Behold, I have set before you an open door, which no one is able to shut..."  I know I have often seen closed doors as a sign that I didn't try hard enough, or that I need to push harder.  What I really need to be doing is seeking the Lord's perspective.  Sometimes, we need to seek Him, asking Him what He is doing, and what He wants us to do.  He always answers when we ask, and it can save a lot of time and frustration!  There may be times when a seemingly closed door isn't really being closed by God, and God might want you to soldier through until you see results.  It takes God's guidance to see which doors are open to us.  

     Right now, in my current ministry, I am attempting to start a Good News Club at a certain location.  It has been a very slow process.  We've hit a few walls.  Is God opening this door or not?  Well, right now, we have an open door to at least promote the Bible Club, and generate interest from families.  That is our open door at the moment.  Until God closes that door, or leads us to change what we're doing, we are attempting to walk through the door.  Pray for us about this!  

3) Only God can convict someone, create vulnerability between believers, and change lives.

     That might sound like several points in one.  They might not seem as if they really connect, but they can.  I have been in so many ministry situations (Bible studies, mission teams, etc.) where the person in charge really wanted to make deep impressions on us, and made speeches that were intended to be life-changing, convict and change us, make us open up and share really personal things with each other, and ultimately change our lives.  When God creates that, it is a beautiful thing.  When people try to create it, it falls short.  John 16:8 says that the Holy Spirit convicts of sin.  Clearly, we do not.  God might use something you or I say to reveal to someone their need to repent, but in our own strength, we'll only make people mad!  As for creating vulnerability, bonds between believers are so special that a watching world should know we are Christ's disciples (John 13:35).  That is a work of the Spirit.  As we have already seen, only God can work in people's lives (which goes with salvation, as well as conviction of sin or personal guidance in a believer's life).  

     I have recently been in a group with some very precious Christian women.  This group wasn't the best fit for me.  One aspect of the group was that there was this deep question asked every week for us to think about for next time.  The questions always involved confessing our wretchedness to each other.  The questions were also very specific, and weren't really focused on areas where I was personally struggling.   When I would try to either give an answer from my life that sort of related to what they were asking, or just share how God was leading and convicting me, my answers weren't considered good enough.  What I was struggling with or working on in my life didn't meet whatever imaginary criterion the leader was looking for.  When I tried being honest and saying that I wasn't dealing with the issue in the question, I was met with, "Oh, I get it.  You think you're perfect."  That really frustrated me.  I certainly am not perfect.  I simply wasn't struggling where the rest of the group thought I should be.  I have my own walk with the Lord.  He convicts me when I sin, and I try to make it right with Him and anyone else involved as soon as possible.  The reaction from the group I was in almost made me feel as if I needed to go out, commit a sin, not repent of said sin, and then come back next week so I could confess it there.  I know that these ladies love the Lord deeply.  I see the Spirit in their lives.  They are wonderful.  I know they would never want anyone to go out and commit sin!  But I guess where I was at just wasn't where they were.  This group might be really meeting needs for them, but the way I experienced it was very condemning.  I felt like it was trying to force us to be vulnerable with each other, and then when I even tried, I felt rejected when my sins aren't in the same areas they are currently struggling.  That stung.  I then also felt as if it was set up so we would be convicted of all these sins...when in reality, whoever came up with the questions has NO idea what each person is really dealing with or growing in.  Only God can do that.  That dynamic didn't work for me.  We need to try and let the Spirit lead in each of our lives.  

     Additionally, I have had so many times where God used something someone said in my life, and when I later told the person, they were amazed, and said, "I don't even remember saying that!"  I have been in the place of that person too, where someone has told me something I said impacted them, and I didn't even remember.  That shows that God uses it.  It isn't us trying to make an impression or create something.  

4) Only God can heal and restore.  

     There are many other things that only God can do, but I am going to close with these.  God is in control of our lives.  His will ultimately happens.  He can heal us--physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  He has that power.  He uses people (doctors, for example), but He is our healer.  Exodus 15:26 says, I am the Lord that healeth thee.  Sometimes, physical healing is within His will.  Other times, it isn't.  His grace is sufficient.  When believers die, that is really another kind of healing.  If you are a believer, healing and perfection are in your future (Revelation 21:4).  He also heals and restores our lives, relationships and experiences.  

     My husband and I were supporting a very sweet young missionary named Benny.  Benny was in his early 30's, and was so faithful to the Lord.  He struggled with a health issue, but he never let that stop him.  One day, though, he went into the hospital, and God called him home shortly thereafter.  A few weeks beforehand, I was chatting with him online.  I wanted to share something with him that was on my heart, but I got a check in my spirit.  It was as if the Lord was telling me not to say it, so I didn't.  If I had, it would have been totally contradictory to what God was doing in his life, getting ready to bring him home to Heaven.  I truly believed healing was God's will, but I was wrong.  I am very glad I kept that to myself.  Only God knows what He is planning to do.  He did heal Benny.  It just wasn't the way we had hoped.  Benny is in completely perfect health and joy in the Presence of Jesus, and would never wish to be back here.  We grieve the loss of his earthly life and ministry.  We must have God's perspective.  

Benny's missionary prayer card

     I have had experiences where I tried to restore broken relationships.  My intentions were good, but I wasn't being led by the Spirit.  My overtures were met by people who were not at a place where they wanted to receive it.  Sometimes, people are in our past and not our present for a reason.  God is sill at work with them and with us, but maybe not together.  We need to let Him restore and heal things.  

     Since only God can do these things, how are we to move forward?  Galatians 5:25 gives us the answer: Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.  If we keep in step with what God is doing, and then we join Him, we will see that we truly can do all things through Christ!  

     What are some other things that only God can do?  Let me know, and maybe I'll write a "PART II" to this!