Into the Truth

     Over the week between Christmas and News Years, I have been listening to a podcast.  The title of this podcast is: I Pray You Put This Journal Away.  Some important things are brought up, that I think should be discussed.  I'm going to react to it, but don't particularly recommend it.  You'll see why as you read my interaction with it, but a basic additional reason that I'll share now is that the speakers were not very well prepared, and used a lot of filler words, such as "like" and "ya know" while groping for what to say, and it was hard to really listen to that.  That is just a mechanics thing, though.  I also didn't like all the profanity used (thought most of it was bleeped out).  If you wish to listen, that is up to you.  You can look it up, but because I don't recommend it, I'm not including the link this time.  

     It is a husband and wife talking about their journey in life.  This couple is about a decade younger than I am (they were children in the 90's, teens in the 2000's--whereas I was a child in the 80's and a teen in the 90's).  The thing that made this podcast interesting is that the husband grew up as friends with the Duggar family (formerly famous, currently infamous family in northwest Arkansas).  If you are not familiar, the Duggars are a fundamentalist family who have 19 children.  They formerly had their own reality television show.  On their show, their life was portrayed as unadulterated wholesomeness.  To be honest, during the years the show was popular (late 2000's and early 2010's), I never really felt comfortable with it.  They espouse themselves to be conservative Christians, which I do as well, but their convictions are pushed to some extreme measures that would never have been part of my life.  What struck me about them at the time was the control they exercised over their adult children's lives.  I didn't really watch the show, but I knew of it, and I knew many people really liked and admired them.  

photo owned by TLC

     I want to clarify that I am not picking on anyone's convictions of how they live out their faith.  People are free to do as they believe they should.  I am not mocking or belittling the Duggars for having different convictions than I do.  I just didn't like the way the Duggars and their followers seemed to try to define Christianity or Conservatism by their own standards.  I have always considered myself to be a Conservative Christian, but as a single woman, I owned a small house, had a college degree and a career.  When I met my husband, we dated without parental supervision.  These things are all very different from what the Duggars presented as the right way to do life and relationships.  I knew people (Duggar wannabe's) who considered me to be very liberal.  That was frustrating.  Also, the Duggars consider themselves to be Baptists, which I am as well, and yet my experiences as a Baptist are very different than what they have expressed.  Critics of the Duggars' extremism make comments like, "Baptists are an extreme hate-group," thinking that the Duggar's brand of Baptist is the entirety of the denomination, when in reality, most Baptists are nothing like what is being depicted by the Duggars.  I resented the way they hijacked these things and gave everyone the impression that this was what it means to be Christian, home-schooled, Baptist, or Conservative.  In some aspects, I also consider myself a fundamentalist Christian, in that my faith goes back to the fundamentals.  Fundamentalists used to be those of us who believed in the inerrancy or scripture.  Now, thanks to people like the Duggars, fundamentalists are people who don't let women wear pants, and other such rules.  The focus has totally changed, to the point that I am very careful about referring to myself as a Fundamentalist.  I'm definitely an Evangelical Christian, but by the definition of Fundamentalist given in this podcast, I am definitely not a Fundamentalist.  Worth noting, some of the Duggar's children have moved away from their extreme beliefs as married adults.  Most notably, their daughters, Jill and Jinger, and their husbands, are living what most would consider "normal" Christian lives, more similarly to the way I live.  

     In 2015, their facade of perfection was shattered when the sins of the oldest Duggar child, Josh, became public.  Josh had molested his sisters in the past, and, as of that point in 2015, was addicted to pornography and was actively cheating on his wife Anna.  My heart truly went out to her.  This was how the family went from being famous to infamous.  Josh professed to be very sorry, and apparently got some sort of treatment and counseling.  However, less than a month ago, Josh Duggar was found guilty of child pornography charges.  He will be in prison for a very long time.  This so-called sweet, wholesome, home-schooled boy who appeared to do everything right has been into some very evil things for a very long time.  He is finally getting justice.  It just goes to show you can have all sorts of man-made rules and do everything "right" by those standards, and yet fail miserably where it really counts.  He didn't kiss his wife until their wedding, and yet he cheated on her after marriage, then went on to take part in child exploitation and abuse.  It strongly reminds of Jesus' words to the Pharisees in Matthew 23:24, You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.  

     Anyway, that was some background there.  I'm not really here to discuss the Duggars (if you are interested, there is a lot of info out there, but that isn't my purpose here).  This podcast done by a former friend of the Duggars was very interesting.  This couple is really sharing their story of being raised as very strict fundamentalists, and then growing up and deconstructing their beliefs.  They clearly love each other very much, and are trying to tell their story.  I could tell this was therapeutic for them.  They sound like they feel good about where they are at in life right now.  They clearly had some trauma and emotional abuse in their childhood faith.  Some of these fundamental groups cover up abuse, and even facilitate it in some cases.  This is unquestioningly evil.  It grieves me that those who bear Christ's name would do something that wicked, and appear to care more about their image than about what is truly right and holy.  Maybe they started off truly wanting to do right, but got off track.  Maybe others were always wolves in sheep's clothing.  Only God knows.  

     It was clear that the couple doing the podcast (particularly the husband, who actually grew up with the Duggars) really struggled with no one addressing needs they had growing up.  The husband struggled with his normal sexual desires during puberty, since it was not talked about sufficiently.  That is unfortunate.  Some of what was shared was very sensitive and troubling.  He recounted drawing a picture of some well-known fictional characters from a G-rated storyline in an X-rated, sexualized way, and then getting caught by his father.  The talk with his father didn't address the real struggles and desires he had, but was rather a critique of his drawing ability and trying to trick him into confessing if he did this often or if this was a one-time thing.  It was very brave and vulnerable to share this in the podcast, but I must confess it was very awkward and embarrassing to me to hear this.  I don't condemn him at all.  He clearly was feeling some very real things, and perhaps saw himself in these characters.  That is normal.  Good stories with well-written characters will do that for us.  If these characters were real people, they surely would be sexual beings like all of us.  The scenario just went to show how much this young man wasn't being taught and helped as he went from being a child to an adult.  That is the tragedy.  He needed to have his parents talk to him about his desires and feelings, and about the right way and time to exercise them.  

     All through the podcast, I really got a glimpse of the shame being thrown at the young people in their fundamentalist church, the sense of never being good enough, and needing to measure up.  Both husband and wife recalled "asking Jesus into their hearts" as very young children, but neither seemed to talk about really encountering Jesus in a personal way.  It was all about form, rather than a right relationship.  It appeared that in both cases, their parents initiated them "praying the prayer" rather than them coming to a place of conviction of sin and a desire to receive Christ.  It was about crossing all the t's and dotting all the i's.  As this man read entries from his teen journal, I saw just how down he was on himself, and how little grace he was extended.  My heart broke for him, and for everyone who has been wounded like that.  It wasn't a blunt abuse, but a subtle message of not being good enough, given a little at a time, until it became a deadly poison.  The guy shares his struggles with suicide.  

     The biggest tragedy he shared (though he doesn't see or present it as a tragedy) was his falling away from his faith in Christ as an adult.  He calls himself a "sort of atheist."  He and his wife have both deconstructed their faith.  That is something we hear a lot about now, and I have addressed it before in my blog.  All of us are constantly deconstructing our beliefs in small ways as we learn new info.  I used to believe that combing your hair while it was wet was really bad for it.  A beautician recently told me that is not the case.  I let go of the belief I previously held in light of new info.  That's part of living.  But as Christians, our faith is in the finished work of Christ, and that should never change.  That doesn't need to be reconstructed.  I would venture to guess that all of us have small beliefs creep in that are unbiblical, and as we compare that to God's word, we should be working on changing that to align it with what God has said.  The major deconstruction of young people leaving Christianity is truly tragic.  It is a process of deciding what they now believe.  It is heartbreaking that they were unable to grasp the truth, and are discarding even the remnants of it.  As I said, though, as I listened to all of this, I never saw either of the spouses, nor any of the people they mentioned, have a true encounter or relationship with Jesus.  This isn't to say they didn't.  It just didn't come across that they did in anything shared.  They went through the motions, and tried very hard to live up to man-made standards.  There was a sweet innocence to where they were at as young people, but Christ wasn't the center.  If they truly did know Christ, I believe they still do, and He will work in them and bring them back.  If they didn't, then they still don't, and they are simply no longer going through the motions.  If that is the case, I suppose it makes them a little more honest now.  

     The big takeaway I get is that people need to encounter Jesus Christ, in His true glory.  This can happen in a little old-fashioned country church with a pastor who preaches out of the King James Bible, or at a large, modern congregation in a major city.  The outer trappings don't matter.  If someone truly embraces Jesus as Savior, this person has God's Holy Spirit.  God's law is then written in his or her heart (Romans 2:15).  There isn't a need for all these human rules that only serve to bring on guilt and condemnation.  The believer is taught by the Bible, led by the Spirit.  True doctrine and teachings are important, but not the extra man-made stuff that only serves to throw people off track.  

     I encountered Jesus Christ as a little girl.  I recognized I was a sinner and in need for Christ's salvation, and I embraced the redemption He offers freely.  I was born again when I was five years old.  From there, I grew in my faith.  I grew up in an American evangelical home.  I went to AWANA and Sunday school.  I had a Christian education.  I went to camp.  As a little girl, I was had Psalty records, which we performed as plays at church.  On car trips, we would listen to cassette tapes of GT and the Halo Express, which is how I memorized many of the verses I still know today.  My family listened to Adventures in Odyssey every Saturday evening (my husband and I are still fans now!).  I had church/school friends who were Christians, and I had neighbor friends who weren't.  I saw my parents sharing the gospel with others.  I still cherish all of these precious things from growing up.  I see so many of those who deconstruct suddenly start ridiculing things that were once important to their lives.  I absolutely love all of these remnants of my childhood and teen years, and am so thankful for the ways they encouraged my already-existing faith.  They didn't create my faith, but they stimulated what was there.  

     Were there silly things I now chuckle at?  Certainly.  When I was in high school, my pastor was very into the Rapture and Tribulation.  That was pretty much all he talked about.  When he would witness to people, he would ask, "If the Rapture happened right now would you be taken or left behind?"  The average person on the street had no idea what he was talking about.  He lived in such a belief in the imminence of the Rapture that he told us we would never die, but that the Rapture would happen in our lifetime.  It got me thinking so strongly about it that, as a young college student, I was scared to drive unsaved friends, because if the Rapture happened, I would be taken, and the car would crash, killing my unsaved friend and sending her to hell, without a chance to get saved during the Tribulation.  I really thought deeply about this, and anytime an unsaved friend asked for a lift, I would silently pray the whole time that God would postpone the Rapture until I got her home.  I chuckle now at my naivety.  As if I was the only Christian on earth who was driving an unsaved person in my car, and as if God would postpone the Rapture just for me!  But I also think it is a very sweet idea that I lived in such belief in the imminence.  I wish I still thought that way.  Sometimes I do.  There are some little convictions I have gone through, then changed my mind about upon further study of scripture.  That is how we learn and grow.  

     If you read my blog two posts ago (Unfinished Business, December 7), you know that I experienced some abuse in church.  In other posts, I have shared about some of the ways I have been wounded in ministry.  I'm sure you have too.  My journey with other believers has not been perfect.  Hurtful things should not happen, but they do.  They are inexcusable, but not unforgivable.  And they do not make Jesus any less real or the Bible any less true.  Think of how ridiculous it is to base truth's validity on people's actions.  Someone at church hurt me.  Does that mean Jesus didn't actually die on the cross?  Of course not!  We are supposed to look at Jesus (Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith...Hebrews 12:2).  That is what I feel was missing from this podcast.  The background of the couple didn't seem to point to Jesus, but to man-made rules and standards of righteousness that they were expected to adhere to in their own strength (which is impossible).  Their current life doesn't seem to look to Jesus at all, but to what they call "my truth." (which is a total misnomer, because everyone's so-called truth contradicts everyone else's, which calls the validity into question!).  

This quote is probably the most accurate thing out there regarding "my truth."  

     There are things that shouldn't have happened to me.  There are things that shouldn't have been said.  There were times my parents, church leaders and teachers made honest mistakes in trying to do right.  There were times no one knew what I was dealing with internally, and consequently said things that shamed me and intensified my struggle.  But guess what?  Jesus is greater than all of that.  He was real in my life and He enabled me to overcome (And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives unto the death.  -Revelation 12:11).  He will do the same for everyone who truly wants Him to.  Jeremiah 29:13 says, You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.  I am not inside of anyone else.  I can't say what they did or didn't do in their spiritual journey, but I do know what God has done for me, and what He promises for all who call on Him!  Our journey should be a journey into the truth.