What are we called to do?

       "I think, as Christians, we are called to just be loving to everyone, and let God fight the battle."  The sweet, godly woman declared, and everyone around nodded their heads.  

     The issue at hand was how Christians were called to react now that Roe vs. Wade was overturned.  It was a pretty shocking change last Friday to see this 49-year-old supreme court decision overturned.  Now, the issue of abortion is up to individual states.  Many states have already declared that they will outlaw it.  Understandably, this is a hot topic.  

     As a Christian, and as someone in full-time ministry, I want to be careful to make Jesus and the Gospel my focus.  It is easy to get sidetracked by political issues.  Abortion is definitely a political issue, but it is more than that.  It's something we can't afford to hide from. 

     With many political issues, I would honestly be able to say there are good people on both sides.  However, this issue is different.  This is a matter of human life.  There is no good reason to terminate unborn people.  The moment the sperm and the egg come together, that is a person, created by God.  Psalm 139:13 says, For you created my inmost being.  You knit me together in my mother's womb.  This gives the biblical basis for personhood at conception.  We are also told that John the Baptist rejoiced in Jesus prior to either of their births when Elisabeth and Mary got together (Luke 1:41-44).  I have heard abortion likened to the child sacrifices to Molech in the Old Testament.  The Bible is very clear about what God thinks about child sacrifices.  Leviticus 18:21 says, You shall not give any of your children to offer them to Molech, and so profane the name of your God: I am the Lord.  If you want to study further what the Bible says about this, here are some references: Leviticus 20:1-5; Deuteronomy 18:10; Second Kings 21:2-6; Psalm 106: 37-38; Jeremiah 32:35; Ezekiel 20:31.  I will also add that Hezekiah was considered by God to be an honorable king (Second Chronicles 29ff), and he fought hard against child sacrifice.  He didn't just ignore it and "live and let live" while babies died.  He fought it.  He restored true worship of God, and aggressively removed all idolatry from Judah.  

     I find it interesting that people are claiming aborting is a woman's health issue, when, a few months ago, these same people didn't know what a woman was.  They can't have it both ways, but they're trying.  A lot of bleeding heart types are claiming that this whole decision by the supreme court is anti-woman.  One friend of mine shared a post of Facebook that said, "I'm not pro-abortion.  I'm pro-Susan..." (and went on to name all these other hypothetical women) and explained all the reason they need to have abortion as an option.  Some of the answers were as simple as, "She's still a teenager and not ready to be a parent."  As someone who struggles with infertility, I am sickened that abortion is even an option in this case.  Give me your baby!  Also, why can't we be teaching young people to practice abstinence!  Instead of teaching them to play around with condoms, we should be teaching them to have enough self-respect to abstain until marriage.  What a wild idea!  But it just might work, and would certainly help teens avoid unwanted pregnancies.  Other reasons given in this post defending abortion were things such as the mother's life was in jeopardy.  That is admittedly a very hard place to be, but I truly believe the mother should be willing to lay down her life for her baby.  Greater love hath no man than this, than to lay down his life for his friends.  (John 15:13).  I hope to God I am never in that position.  I am certain the choice is so much harder when you're actually forced to make it, rather than just talking about it.  But I just think these bleeding heart posts are inaccurate.  Really, two could play at that, and could say, "I'm pro-Billy, whose mother wants to abort him, but will one day cure cancer.  I'm pro-Amy, whose parents want to terminate her, but who is being called by God to translate the Bible into a yet-unknown language.  I'm pro-David, who will be a lifeguard at the beach and rescue 100 people from drowning."  It is true that, for some women, unplanned pregnancies can be frightening, and there can be very scary complications.  We don't want to simplify it.  As Christians, we need to come alongside theses women lovingly, and make it as simple as possible for them to choose life.  I have been very disappointed by some of my fellow Christians, acting like this new development is a problem.  One pastor I greatly respected made a very public statement that he grieved the overturning of Roe v. Wade, because he felt women needed to have that choice, and that Christians should be the ones to help them choose life.  To me, that makes no sense, and it disappointed me a lot.  

     The woman I mentioned at the beginning, who made this comment about loving people and letting God fight the battle, is a very loving, encouraging Christian, and God has used her to minister to a lot of people.  It didn't surprise me that God had led her to a place of being that loving presence for people in the midst of a controversy.  Other believers expressed concern about the civil unrest and disunity this new change would bring, since abortion is a controversial issue.  

     While we think everyone who spoke was sharing pure motives from the heart of what they felt called to do, my husband and I disagreed with this idea that Christians are only called to love and be kind, and God was supposed to fight.  Maybe some Christians are called to show mercy and gentleness.  That may be the part some are called to play.  It is an important part.  Vital, in fact.  We do not deny that God could call people to that place.  We are all called to be kind and loving in all things.  But this whole conversation completely ignored a few facts.  

1) The overturning of Roe vs. Wade is a victory for the unborn!  In that particular conversation, only my husband and I were rejoicing, and everyone else was acting like it was a problem.  That alarms me.  Added to that, I have a very good Christian friend in Australia, and her church was rejoicing in this victory, even though it doesn't immediately affect them (though it could influence decisions there).  Why aren't my fellow American Christians rejoicing?  

2) This victory was 49 years in the making.

3) This victory would never have been possible if, for the past 49 years, godly people had not fought as God led them.  Simply being pleasant to pro-choice people, without taking action, would never have resulted in this victory.  

     I confess to being very confused as to why everyone, rather than celebrating the lives that will be saved, were fretting about how to not offend proponents of the pro-choice position.  If people had been focused on that all these years, this victory would never have come.   This very mindset is why Christians' rights are often under threat.  It should be a given that we are kind to people.  But why is being kind to pro-choicers suddenly the focus?  Of course we should be kind, but our focus should be praying for every baby God is knitting together to have a chance at life!  We should be mobilizing families to take in children, and counselors to help pregnant girls who need help and encouragement.  We have a job to do!  

     My husband and I are in the process of adoption through the Cherokee Nation.  It is a waiting game right now.  Maybe a baby who would have been aborted will now be given the chance to be part of our family!  

     Aside from my concern that people we respect were more concerned with being nice to the opposition than about babies, I was also personally very hurt.  We felt attacked.  We have made a bold stand on this issue, and apparently, we are viewed as the bad guys, because we didn't just sit with a pleasant smile on our faces.  We are not demonizing those who are not called to speak up as much as we have.  But we don't want to be demonized either.  All Christians have a part in the battle between good and evil--God and Satan.  We are all called to use our gifts as God has led us.  My husband and I are called to speak out.  This doesn't mean we hate anyone, or are unkind.  It just means we fight for the unborn.  I'll add that both of us have had precious friends who have been through abortion, and we have comforted and helped them heal.  What we do, we do out of love for women, and the unborn.  If someone else's part to play is to sit back, listen, and show mercy, that is great!  But that isn't the only part of the battle.  

     The Bible is very clear we are in a war, whether you want to be or not.  Ephesians 6:12 reminds us that our enemies are not people.  Pro-choice advocates are not our enemies.  But we would humbly submit that they are deceived by the enemy, and some have willingly and intentionally submitted to him.  First Peter 1:13 says to gird up the loins of your mind...  This is a call to be ready for battle.  Likewise, First Peter 5:8 warns us to Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary the devil , as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.  Second Corinthians 10:3-4 says, For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds.  We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God...  We are in a war.  In First Samuel 17:47, David, coming against Goliath, acknowledged, for the battle is the Lord’s.  But he still threw the stone.  We are given all we need to fight.  For some, that is using that gift of mercy and being kind and gentle, loving people to Christ.  For others, it is speaking the truth in love.  There are other aspects of the battle as well.  As Christians, we can't afford to throw each other under the bus just because we are doing different jobs in this battle.  We are all on the same side.  

     When it comes to abortion, I think the Bible leaves only one position available to those who claim to believe in God's word.  How we carry that out is dependent on God's specific calling to us, but we need to recognize other believers who fight different parts of the battle, rather than demonizing them.  Your part is important, but it isn't the only part.  Thank you.  That's all.  

Who are you calling Codependent?

      We hear a lot of psychological words nowadays that were not part of mainstream American vocabulary twenty years ago.  Words like narcissist, gaslighting, trauma, and even ideas such as "feeling unsafe" or "being the best version of yourself."  Sometimes, it is easy to dismiss the emphasis on these things.  Sometimes, people go over the top talking about them, and use them to either defend and excuse bad behavior, or explain away good things.  People cannot be reduced to psychological actions or conditions.  But is there truth to these ideas, in the right context?  I believe there is.  One of the first psychological words of this nature that I incorporated into my own life was codependency.  That's another word we hear a lot of today.  What is it?  Who do you know who could be considered codependent? 

     Years ago, I was in a Bible study in the home of a family from church.  The husband was a zealous new believer, eating up everything the pastor said about God.  He was committing scripture to memory, and being real and transparent with our group about his sin struggles.  His wife had been a believer a little bit longer.  She was a fun, hospitable woman, and I grew to love them both a lot.  Over time, though, I noticed some patterns.  One area the husband had struggled with was drinking.  Moderation was not possible for him, and he made the effort not to have alcohol around him.  His wife constantly complained about his drinking and how hard it was on their family when he would fall off the wagon.  However, as much as she complained about it, I began to notice that she actually facilitated his binges by brining alcohol to him at vulnerable moments.  It was as if she wanted him to fall, and then complain about it.  At the time, I could not imagine why anyone would do that.  But then I began to realize that I did the same thing, in other ways. 

     This is a classic example of codependency.  The wife hated her husband's drinking, but also liked the role of being the good, responsible spouse who didn't drink.  She enjoyed helping him, being his support.  She loved playing opposite him.  That was the basis of their relationship.  She didn't know how to function in their family if he was no longer playing his part as the alcoholic.  She genuinely loved God and her husband, and wanted him better...but not enough better that it made her give up being who she was with him.  She wanted him to be mostly okay, but with just enough struggle so she would be needed.  I guarantee she didn't even realize she was doing it.  It was subconscious.  

     Oxford dictionary defines codependency as excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction.  I will add that it doesn't have to be with a romantic partner.  It can be with another family member, a friend, a coworker, or any other relationship you have.  It is, in essence, being addicted to being supportive.  

     This can seem confusing.  On the surface, a codependent person seems selfless and kind--and most codependents really are.  They genuinely care about others.  They just get lost in that caring, and then lose sight of who they are.  I know that has happened to me.  

     The Bible is very clear we are to love others (John 13:34), sacrifice for others (John 15:13), bear other people's burdens (Galatians 6:2).  When does it cross lines to become wrong or unhealthy?  Is codependency just a made-up condition that seems to vilify biblical love and compassion?  Does the Bible have anything to say about codependency?  

     The example I shared with the husband and wife in the Bible study is a more classic case, but around that time I was in the Bible study with them, I began to discover areas where I was codependent as well.  I loved being the strong, dependable friend anyone could call, who would always be there for people.  But as these friends picked up the pieces after I helped them, and then began to move forward in their lives, I would feel a little threatened about my place in our friendship in the future.  If I wasn't needed anymore, what would happen to me?  These fears led to friendship difficulties.  I think of one particular friendship that I really damaged with my codependency.  I had discipled this friend, and we had had wonderful times studying our Bibles, reading Christian books, doing ministry, talking, and having fun together over the course of a year.  If I had it to do all over again, I wouldn't change any of it on the outside, but I would change the way saw myself and my role in that relationship.  I was receiving my sense of self-worth from it, rather than taking joy in Christ as He worked in our lives.  When God did some new things in this friend's life and led her on to new things, I felt very threatened.  By God's grace, this friend and I are still in touch, but God had to do a work in me.  

     Codependency is a step beyond genuine care and compassion.  I want to be clear that genuinely loving others is often present in codependency.  The person who struggles with codependency should not be down on himself.  We are all codependent to some degree.  It's impossible to interact with other people and not struggle a little.  But the point is, why are you being compassionate?  Is your primary reason love for that person, or is it fulfillment for you?  Is your help to them actually helpful, or is it hurting?  Is it enabling?  Do you feel your security lies in the role you play?  If it does, that is where the problem lies.  

     We are to see ourselves as God sees us.   We are loved (...I have loved you with an everlasting love... Jeremiah 31:3).  We are chosen (For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. -Ephesians 1:4).  We are created for God's plans for us ( For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. -Ephesians 2:10).  We exist as who we are without the roles we play with other people.  We are distinct people, apart from any other people.  We do interact with others, but our identity needs to rest in who we are in Christ.  When we find ourselves in Him, we are free to love others without expecting anything in return.  

    Jesus said, Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. (John 15:13).  Laying down your life (or any sacrificial move you make for someone), can only be truly made by someone who is choosing it, not being manipulated into it.  And I believe someone is only capable of that kind of sacrifice for others if he first knows who he is in Christ.  Then, he is coming at service from a place of strength in the Lord.  

     Jesus was the leader and mentor to His twelve disciples, as well as to many other followers.  And yet He wasn't defined by His relationship with them.  He often went away by Himself (I was able to come up with seven times scripture records Him doing this, in following passages: Luke 4:1-2, 14-15; Mark 6:30-32; Matthew 14:1-13; Luke 6:12-13; Luke 29:32-44; Luke 5:16; John 6:15--perhaps there are others I overlooked!).  He needed to be spiritually recharged, and connected to the Father.  He knew who He was, and why He had come.  He healed and loved, taught and rebuked.  But none of that defined Him.  With or without these people, He was the Son of God, the Promised Savior.  That was His real identity.  I think we are to follow Jesus' example of loving others, but, also like Jesus, we are not to be getting our own meaning from them.  Our meaning comes from God alone.  Psalm 27:10 says, Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.  God is there for us, when all others fail.  When we are receiving His love, and letting Him define us, we lose our resentment toward others, because our sense of worth is no longer attached to them.  

     Several years ago, I was blessed to meet TV personality Stephanie Edwards (of the Tournament of Roses Parade fame).  She gave a talk at our church's ladies function.  She told us, "Who you really are, is who you are when who you think you are has been stripped away."  And when we can find our true selves in Christ, we are free to serve Him, regardless of the outcome.  We are free to relate to others in love.  We are free to have the adventure of a lifetime!  

Bob Eubanks and Stephanie Edwards (former Rose Parade hosts)

What did you expect?

      "I'm never going to church again.  Church people are mean!"  my relative told me angrily.  No, not angrily.  As I listened to her, I detected something deeper than anger.  Hurt.  Brokenheartedness.  Disappointment.  Pain.  She had been deeply wounded by people in church, and she was done.  

     This heartbroken relative is not alone.  Many Christians have echoed this sentiment.  The idea of being done with church, because people are so mean.  That is truly a tragedy.  Those who wound others, especially misrepresenting Christ as they do so, will answer to God one day (For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ.  Second Corinthians 5:10).  The pain many have experienced in church is real.  My denomination recently uncovered some unreported abuse from the last few decades.  We grieve these things, and pray for those who survived these atrocious acts, and do our best to right wrongs now.  There is no excuse for any of it.  The believers who committed these acts will (as stated above in Second Corinthians 5:10) will give an account to God for what they did, and suffer loss of heavenly rewards.  The unbelievers who did so are only adding to their eternal misery in hell (The dead were judged, according to what they had done as recorded in the books...anyone whose name was not found in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire, Revelation 20:12, 15).  There is much I can say about this, but I'm going in a slightly different direction...

     Church attendance among Christians is on the decline.  Covid has had a big part in that.  Many people got into the habit of watching online church, and never returned to physical worship.  While church attendance has slowly risen (with 13% of American adults attending in-person services in July of 2020, and 27% of American adults attending in March of 2022, per Pew Research), the numbers are still down from what they were in 2019 (34% of American adults in 2019 attended services at least monthly, per Lifeway research).  Interestingly, a poll of Canadian Christians (per National Post) stated that, while church attendance is plunging in Canada, belief in God is remaining the same.  This means that those leaving the church are not leaving for reasons of actual faith.  Of course, Covid isn't really what my post here today is about, but I thought I'd mention it, since it has played a part in this trend.  Even before Covid, this was becoming a problem.  I have met many Christians (prior to Covid) who told me they don't go to church for various reasons.  Reasons I've heard have been things such as not being able to find that right church for them (that is, that fit their preferences and tastes), being disillusioned with church culture, or, most commonly, being hurt by the church.  

     I'll only say this quickly about Covid (and then, I will focus on the main reason I hear for church decline, about mean people in church).  As far as Covid is concerned, if someone is honestly protecting his or her health and feels they must stay home and watch online, that is a valid reason--if that is what they actually need, and have been told by their doctor.  Also, if this person is willing to go everywhere else, but not church, that is hypocritical.  This person needs to be back in church.  That is all I will say about Covid.  

     Is giving up on church really the answer?  Is giving up on anything in particular really the answer to dealing with mean people?  I think of Jesus' words in Matthew 11:7-9 What did you go out into the wilderness to see?  A reed shaken by the wind?  But what did you go out to see?  A man dressed in soft clothing?  Those who wear soft clothing are in kings' palaces!  But what did you go out to see?  A prophet?  Yes, I tell you, and one who is more than a prophet.  Here, Jesus was talking about John the Baptist, but His words here could be applied to other expectations.  I pose a similarly-phrased question:  "What did you go to church to see?  Perfect people who will never disappoint you?  Such people can only be found in Heaven.  But what did you go to see?  A mix of broken humanity at various stages of their growth, healing and journeys?  Yes, this is what you will find in church."  

     If you're going to stop attending church because of mean people, then, in order not to be a hypocrite, you should also walk away from other places with mean people.  There are mean people who shop at the same grocery store as you, so maybe you shouldn't shop there anymore.  There are mean people who are part of your civic clubs and social groups.  Maybe you should drop them.  There are mean people at the post office, so maybe you should't mail things anymore...Do you see where I'm going with this?  It sounds ridiculous to stop going to these other places because of mean people.  Why do some people think it makes sense to walk away from church for that reason?  I have a few thoughts, and also some responses:

1) Church serves as a community, not just a place of business

     Your local grocery store is not attempting to meet your God-given need for community.  Church is.  If someone is nasty in a grocery store one day, that doesn't hinder your purpose for going there--buying food.  On the other hand, someone being hurtful in church defeats the purpose of community church is supposed to provide.  That is why it might seem reasonable to walk away when hurtful things happen.  I can see why someone would draw the conclusion that walking away is the answer.  Here is my response.  Community is never guaranteed to be perfect.  No matter what community you are in--church, school, neighborhoods, civic clubs, etc.  We are never going to be close with everyone we meet.  We are never going to get along perfectly with everyone.  We click well with some, and not as much with others.  That's just life, and church is no exception.

2) Churches claim to preach life-changing truth, while church members often fail to have changed lives.

    As Christians, we have the best news in the world to share!  This news is that Jesus Christ came to take the penalty we deserve for our sins, making it possible for us to have a right relationship with God now, and to live with Him forever after death.  Through our study of scripture, we also find that Christians grow in faith over time.  This process of growth is called sanctification.  Galatians 2:20 says, I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave Himself for me.  With Christ in us, this kind of growth toward godliness is possible.  It's in Him, not our own strength.  This truth is preached in Christian churches.  And yet, why do we run into so much hypocrisy in church?  Doesn't sanctification "work"?  Here is my response.  The gospel--the good news--never, ever proclaims that we will reach perfection this side of heaven.  We are still humans, with strengths and weaknesses, and the same kinds of problems that everyone else has.  We are dealing with the effects of living in a sin-sick world.  We have our own hurts and problems, and sometimes, those things cause us to respond to others in ways that hurt them--often unintentionally.  This is unfortunate, but it is true.  The Apostle Paul, one of the greatest men of God, wrote, ...for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.  Even he couldn't always master the flesh.  Even he hurt people sometimes.  We have been shown grace by the Lord Jesus.  We need to show each other that same grace.  Being part of a church family means receiving and extending grace.  It means forgiving each other, and helping each other.  

3) If Christians have the most important thing in common, why can't they get along?  As Christians, we do share the most important commonality--our common salvation in Jesus.  That should bring us closer together.  I remember once, when I was growing up, the religion section of our newspaper showed a Christmas eve service at a multi-cultural church in downtown Los Angeles.  The picture showed Black, White, Hispanic, Arab, Indian, and Asian believers all singing worships songs.  One particular Hispanic man, in the front row of the church, had his eyes closed and head bowed in unmistakable contrition before the Lord as they all sang.  I was deeply moved and impacted by that picture, but the caption underneath touched me even more.  It said, The more you love Jesus, the more you love others.  That picture always struck me as how Heaven will be.  It's what I long for now.  Why don't we always have that unity together?  As I asked above, doesn't our faith "work" well enough to bring unity?  Here is my response.  When our focus is Jesus (like the Christians in that long-ago Christmas service in Los Angeles), we are unified, just like that.  But we still have different personalities, callings, interests and tastes.  When we deal with day to day life, sometimes, those things rub each other the wrong way.  We aren't always going to get along.  We should always love, but we won't always be close.  Paul was very close with Barnabas during their first missionary trip (Acts 13-14), but they had a "sharp disagreement" and parted ways (Acts 15:39).  Their split resulted in the furtherance of the Gospel.  They couldn't work together and continue to be at their best, but they still had the most important thing in common.  We read of other believers in the New Testament not getting along.  Paul even wrote in Romans 12:18, If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  This verse implies that it isn't always possible, and also takes into account that it isn't all on you.  You may have every intent of getting along, but you are not the only person in the equation.  Not only in Biblical accounts, but throughout church history, we see believers struggling with each other.  That's normal.  It isn't an excuse to sin against them, but it is validation for the point that we shouldn't be expected to perfectly get along all the time.  

     So what do we do when we've been hurt in church?  First, I'm going to give a few reasons why leaving church is not the answer, and then, I'll give right steps to take when you've been wounded.

Reason 1: You can leave the building, you never stop being the church.   All born-again Christians are part of the body of Christ-- the universal church, which includes all believers, worldwide.  Whether or not you attend a weekly service, you, as a Christian, are part of that.  And we need each other.   So in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.  (Romans 12:5)

Reason 2: The Bible tells us to gather with other Christians.  Hebrews 10:25 says, Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.  According to this verse, walking out on church is a sin, and that, alone, is the reason we should stay in church.  This does not mean the way we do church is non-negotiable.  It is our tradition to meet on Sundays, weekly, and have churches with specific traditions and customs.  These things are not commands.  Maybe a group of Christians meets on Thursday nights, and studies the Word together.  That is still in obedience to this verse.  When my husband and I first got married, we lived in the mountains and managed rental cabins.  Our schedule was such that we almost never made it to Sunday morning church, but we always made it to the smaller, close-knit Wednesday night service, as well as several Bible studies and events during the week.  We were part of a church family, just not on the expected day of the week.  Some of the fellowship from that time was the deepest and best I've experienced.  When we were able, we got back into a more "normal" church routine, but there was nothing sinful or wrong in our more unorthodox routine.  

Reason 3: The Church needs you!  Maybe you can be that voice in the midst of hurtful, broken people, who speaks the truth to them.  Maybe you can help them in their journey to Christlikeness.  Maybe you can be part of the solution to the very problem that makes you want to leave!  Also, God has given you gifts and abilities that He wants to use in the church.  But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. (First Corinthians 12:18).  The church needs the gifts that God gave you!  

     And now, for some steps to take when you have been hurt in church, or by other Christians in general: 

1. Remove yourself from hurtful people.  You are never expected (by God, anyway) to continue allowing cruel treatment.  If someone is abusing you (sexually, physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.) get away!  You should even get away from them if they are doing smaller things (that might not qualify as abuse in a technical sense) that still hurt you or make you uncomfortable.  Go where you are safe.  This might mean leaving your particular church and joining another fellowship of believers.  It might mean just removing yourself from the hurtful person at church, and surrounding yourself with people you feel more comfortable with.  Maybe joining another Sunday school class or Bible study within your church is enough.  What you do to remove yourself depends on what type of mistreatment you are experiencing. 

2. Report wrong treatment to the correct person.  Report it to proper authorities.  Sexual or physical abuse should be reported to the police, or whatever abuse hotline exists in your area.  Spiritual abuse isn't usually illegal, but you can report spiritual abuse the the proper leadership within your church, denomination, etc.  Emotional abuse between adults (if it is verbal) is not usually considered criminal, but, as with spiritual abuse, you can report it to the correct leadership in your church or denomination.  It needs to be stopped.  Those in the wrong need to be held accountable.  Report what happened, and pursue justice.  In cases of smaller incidents that are not abuse, you may determine it isn't really something that the leadership needs to know.  But at least tell someone you trust what is going on.  Years ago, I had a lot of trouble with a mean-spirited woman I led a Bible study with.  I decided to just hold it in, and keep it between myself and the Lord.  I thought this was godly of me, to avoid gossiping about her.  Meanwhile, this woman was gossiping and lying about me to anyone who would listen, and she ended up turning the group against me.  Because I didn't confide in anyone, I didn't have an ally.  I ended up being kicked out of that Bible study.  It was very painful for me at the time.  I learned from the experience that it is okay to share my concerns.  This is not gossip or slander.  It is protecting yourself.

3. Surround yourself with healthy Christians you get along well with.  Some people just aren't in your tribe, so to speak.  They don't click with you.  That's okay.  There are enough people in this world for all of us to have people we relate to.  Friendships are a special gift from God.  These friends bring out your very best.  Proverbs 27:17 says, As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.  Proverbs 18:24 says, A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.  Those are the close friends God brings into your life.  God's plan is that you are to bless each other.  Surround yourself with those people.

4. Focus on Jesus, not people.  Even your dearest friends and family will let you down at some point.  Maybe not catastrophically, but they are not perfect, and they cannot be your all in all.  Only Christ can totally fulfill you.  Look to Him to meet the needs deep within.  Your church family can't do it.  Hebrews 12:2 says, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith...  If you go to church looking for Jesus, You'll find Him.  If you go to church looking for perfect people, you will be disappointed.  Romans 10:11 says, Everyone who believes in Him will not be put to shame.  

5. Ask God to reveal the truth to you.  If something truly abusive has happened to you, what I'm about to say doesn't apply.  For anything short of real abuse, ask yourself, am I perceiving this correctly?  One person who turned their back on church gave this scenario as their last straw:  "I was walking up to the church, and this woman was handing out bulletins, and she was smiling at everyone, but as soon as she saw us, she frowned."  As someone hearing this, my first thought was, are you sure?  Is it possible you misread her facial expression?  If she doesn't even know you (they were visiting) why would she do that?  Could there have been some other reason she frowned that had nothing to do with you?  A lot of people go to church just looking for people to let them down, and then when in inevitably happens, they get a victim mentality.  If you are in earnest about your faith, then get honest with the Lord and yourself.  Ask God to reveal the truth to you.  Maybe it's you.  Maybe it really is a legitimate problem.  At any rate, follow the previous steps.  Even if the frowning lady isn't intentionally being mean to you, it is still okay to remove yourself if she is making you feel bad (even unknowingly).  

     As Christians, we never stop being the church.  We are commanded to fellowship.  We need each other.  It is acceptable--right even--to remove yourself from those who hurt you.  It is right to report abuse, and it is right to get support from someone you trust, even if the situation isn't legally considered abusive.  Surround yourself with safe Christians.  Keep your focus on Jesus.  Ask God to reveal the truth of the situation to you--if you really want to know, He will reveal it.