Biggest Regret to Biggest Triumph

     Thirty-two years ago today (December 31, 1991), I made a decision (which was really a non-decision) that is one of my biggest regrets to date.  Exactly a year and a half later (June 27-July 3, 1993), I had one of my best triumphs, which has led to everything in my life that came after, including adopting our son.  How did I go from one to the other?

1992, about halfway between the two incidents.  I'm the taller one.

     December 31, 1991, "I wish I could ground you for the rest of your life!"  My dad told me.  "I would ask you every day as long as we both lived, 'Why did you do it?'"  I imagined myself as a very old woman, trying to justify what I had done, and it sounded stupid in my mind, just as my excuses now sounded stupid.  

    I'm a pretty strong-minded person, and most of the sins and errors in my life tend to be in areas of stubbornness.  This time was different.  I had given in to peer pressure--one of the only times in my life, actually.  But it was bad.  

     I had saved up my money all year, doing odd jobs around the neighborhood and squirreling away my allowances.  A few days after Christmas, I had bought a brand-new bicycle.  It was the bike of my dreams.  I was thrilled, and very proud of it.  Earlier on New Years Eve, I had been out riding my new bike.  A friend who lived across the street (I'll call her Tiffany*) came over to visit, but when I wasn't there, she left a note for me in our open garage to come by her house when I got home.  I did, but by that time, she had some company over, so she was no longer available.  I just left the note sitting in the garage, on top of our guinea pig cage.  

     Not longer after this, I received four visitors.  Two were regular friends of mine, Lindsay and Sarah.  The other two, who were hanging out with them, I'll call Jennifer* and Amanda*.  Jennifer and Amanda were sisters, and were very popular in the neighborhood.  I knew them from just living in that community, but we weren't close friends (nor were we enemies).  They were hanging out with Lindsay and Sarah, and the four of them decided to come over and see my new bike. In our small neighborhood, word had gotten around that I had bought this cool bike, and they came by to see it.  I admit I was very flattered.  While these girls were hanging out with me in our garage, Jennifer saw the note Tiffany had left me earlier.  

     "What a stupid note!"  She said, holding it up.  As if to make her point, she read it aloud, and she and Amanda began laughing.  I didn't see the humor at all.  I explained that Tiffany had invited me over, but by the time I found her note, she was no longer available. 

 

     "What's wrong with her?  Why did she write you the note in the first place?  She should have just checked in with you later.  This was a mean note.  She was trying to get you to ditch us and go with her."

     "No she wasn't," I explained.  "You hadn't even come over when she wrote it.  And she was just inviting me.  She wasn't trying to get me to ditch anyone."  

     But Jennifer and Amanda kept arguing with me about how Tiffany had been mean to leave the note.  Over time, Lindsay and Sarah started to agree with them and threw in their two-cents.  To get them to move on, I finally shrugged and said, "Okay, the note was mean.  So what?"

     Jennifer then said I needed to write her a note, telling her not to write me notes anymore.  Do you see how stupid that is?  And hypocritical?  I fought them for about twenty minutes, but I finally gave in and wrote the note.  They wanted me to say a bunch of mean things in it, but I wouldn't.  The finished product basically said, Dear Tiffany, next time just come to my front door instead of leaving a note in the garage, because it could accidentally hurt someone's feelings.  Love Janelle.  Totally stupid, but not mean toward her.  

     "Now you need to go give it to her!"  Jennifer said.  

     We went and found Tiffany and her company playing in our neighborhood park.  I gave her the note, and the other four girls all laughed as we left.  I'm sure it seemed like a mean girl thing.  

     We went back and hung out in my garage, when Tiffany came to me.  "My mom wants to talk to you," she said.  I kind of knew I was in trouble.  I followed Tiffany (my so-called "friends" waited in the garage for me).  Tiffany's mother was livid, telling me I was never allowed to come to their house again, and how I was mean, etc.  I was kind of scared, because she was yelling at me in a way thats seemed out of proportion to the situation (and, getting ahead of myself, within two days, she relented and let Tiffany still be friends with me).  I can understand her Mama Bear coming out.  Even though I hadn't said anything unkind in the note, it probably came across that we ganged up on Tiffany.  I don't really blame her.  

     When she had said I wasn't allowed in their home anymore, I ran out the door and went home, where my dad was waiting for me.  He sent my "friends" in the garage home, and made me come in, where he continued the lecture Tiffany's mom had started.  

      The whole situation was stupid.  I was wrong to give into Jennifer and Amanda.  I should have just told them to take a hike.  They flattered me about my new bike, and I gave in.  As I sat in my room that evening, I thought, It's almost a new year.  I'm not going to do stuff like that in 1992.  I'm going to do better.  I never hung out with Jennifer and Amanda again.  My friendship with Sarah and Lindsay was kind of a fickle pre-teen friendship that really didn't last anyway.  I went out of my way to include and hang out with Tiffany in the coming months, until their family eventually moved.  

     Fast forward to summer of 1993.  I had the chance to attend youth camp.  I was different from the girl who had given into peer pressure.  I was sensitive to others.  I was deep, and tried to do right.  God had gotten a deeper hold on me.  I wanted to follow God's plan for my life.  I knew some of that included being at camp.

     When I first arrived at camp, I was befriended by two girls my age who were a lot of fun.  We really hit it off and had a lot in common. I really though I'd hang out with them all week.  But then, a few hours later, some new campers arrived.  One was another girl in our cabin, whom I'll call Lisa*.  Lisa was bright and beautiful, but had been through a lot of hurt.  She was in foster care.  Some of the others at camp began picking on her, initiated by some of the kids from her church group.  Even though I had a lot in common with these other girls, and I still considered them friends that week, I knew God was calling me to befriend Lisa, and show her God's love.  So I was her friend.  I spent all our free time together.  I listened to her, and I cried about the things she had been through.  I defended her against a few very mean girls from her church who wanted to spread rumors about her.  

     That week at camp, Lisa gave her life to the Lord, and I was able to see growth in her life in later years at camp, when we'd run in to each other again.  

     How did I go from being a preteen who gave into peer pressure to a youth who stood up to it, and defended a hurting friend?  What changed me?

     The school year between the two incidents, my closets friends (who were basically my security) all moved away within a short time.  I was the one being left out, and I had a teacher who disliked me and was hard on me.  I was lonely and insecure.  In the quiet of that time, I hungered for God.  I wanted to know and follow His plans.  I became compassionate, and by the time that camp rolled around, I was ready for what God had in store.  God used that hard time of loneliness in my life to make me more like Jesus.  God also used that week at camp in 1993 to sow a seed that would bloom 30 years later, when we adopted our little boy Tommy.  Second Corinthians 4:17 says, For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.  I can't even imagine all the ways God works, equipping us for what He has in store.  Look at that hard times in your life, and see what He was producing in you!  

This Present Darkness

     B-R-R-R-R-R-ING!  The telephone beside the bed jarred me awake in the wee hours that cold December morning, just a few days before Christmas.  Before I even lifted the receiver to my ear, I knew this call had to do with the battle...

     I will return to this story...

      For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.  Ephesians 6:12

     It is so easy to forget where the real battle is.  It is so easy to become angry at other people, when in reality, they are not our enemies.  Think of the person on this planet you disagree with the most.  Maybe some well-known world leader you think is dead wrong (and maybe they are dead wrong).  That person is not your enemy.  Maybe it's someone who has hurt you in a personal way, or hurt your family in a personal way.  That person is not your enemy.   

     Satan and his demonic followers are the real enemies.  Sometimes it's hard to remember who you're really fighting, because you can't see Satan, but you can see the problems he creates.  Satan and his demons would love to distract you by making you mad at other humans while they continue with their dirty work.  What is their dirty work?  Jesus said in John 10:10 that the thief (meaning Satan) comes to steal, kill and destroy.  We also know from John 8:44 that Satan is a liar, and the father of lies and has no truth in him.  From the very beginning, in Genesis 3, Satan has been getting people to doubt God.  He has had thousands of years to perfect his methods.  An example was given to me that compared demonic attacks to police profiling.  Police have profiles of different types of criminals that they use to catch criminals.  The enemy can't read your mind, but he can profile God's people, and perfect his attacks to hit you just the way he needs to render you ineffective.  He wants to keep people out of the kingdom of God, but once someone is a believer, he wants to ruin their effectiveness.  And he's had a lot of practice.  If you've ever felt a very personal attack, you are not alone.  Satan has done this to Christians all over the world, all throughout history.  People don't really change.  It comforts me to imagine someone hundreds of years ago serving the Lord, being hit with a similar dart to the one I might have been hit with, having the same struggle, and yet moving forward in victory anyway.  

     If the last paragraph scares you, take heart.  There are several things to be encouraged about.  First of all, there are twice as many angels on God's side as their are demons on Satan's (see Revelation 12:4, which is about how 1/3 of the angels followed Satan at his rebellion.  This mathematically means 2/3 stayed with God, leading us to logically conclude that the ratio of angels to demons is 2:1).  Second, Jesus has all the power (Mathew 28:19).  Third, Satan will ultimately lose and be thrown into the Lake of Fire forever (Revelation 20:10).   Fourth, Jesus has already won over the powers of darkness (Colossians 2:15--He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him.).  Fifth, we have the armor of God to stand against the schemes of the devil (Ephesians 6:11).  Sixth, if we are submitted to God, we have the authority to resist Satan, and he has to flee (James 5:7).  

     Back to the first paragraph I started out with, I received an early-morning call.  It turned out to be from a teenager girl from my church.  Two days earlier, I had given her a new Bible as an early Christmas present.  She already had my phone number, but for reasons I didn't even understand, I felt compelled to write my home number on the inside cover of the Bible.  As I handed it to her, I said (again, not sure why), "If you need anything, you can call me any hour of the day or night."  I didn't expect anything to come of it, but I only had to wait two days.  The call ended up being from this beautiful young woman. She was crying, and told me they were being attacked.  

     Instantly alert, I sat up in bed.  "Attacked?"  All the previous day, I had felt a deep oppression in my spirit.  I felt condemnation.  My brain was awash with guilt for ways I could have done certain things differently in past situations (even if those things weren't sinful).  Voices from people in past battles told me I wasn't good enough and never would be.  Certain things that hurt me long ago became present struggles again.  I couldn't breathe.  So now, hours later, after only a little bit of fitful sleep, I was instantly wide awake, feeling validation.  Something real was going on.  

     The gist of the story was, this girl from church had a friend spending the night, and this friend started manifesting a demon, and confessed to being a witch, having asked Satan to control her life.  I ended up going down there.  It's hard for me to describe everything from that time, but Jesus was victorious, and this demon (whom I did see) knew he was defeated.  The Holy Spirit had the power in that room.  I know there were angels in there, outnumbering the demon(s).  I felt boldness I didn't really possess, but it was the strength of the Lord, spoken of in Ephesians 6:10.  

     After the victory, I went home, and was suddenly exhausted--for weeks.  I struggled with overwhelmed feelings I couldn't explain, and complete fatigue.  But God had been that strength when I needed Him to be so much in that battle.  

     We don't always know the battles we're winning.  Sometimes, all we see is the battle in our lives.  C.S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters give an insightful quote about the troughs (valleys of difficulty) and peaks (times of goodness): “Now, it may surprise you to learn that in His efforts to get permanent possession of a soul, [God] relies on the troughs even more than on the peaks; some of His special favorites have gone through longer and deeper troughs than anyone else... It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be... He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles.”

     Those moments of difficulty that seem like defeat are actually victories in God's eyes.  I remember during one of the darkest times of my life, someone on the radio made the statement that we see in parts, but God sees the whole story, and I clung to that for all I was worth.  If you are feeling defeated today, take heart.  Jesus has overcome, and so will you.  For everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. (First John 5:4).  Don't quit before the miracle!  God has plans for you!

Another Gospel?

     Why did Jesus come to earth?  There are a lot of possible answers, but only one ultimate reason.  Jesus did a lot while He walked this earth.  He experienced life as we do, so as to empathize with us (and be our Great High Priest, Hebrews 4:14-16).  He performed miracles (multiple references in the Gospels).  He taught (Matthew 5-7 most notably, but multiple other references in the Gospels).  He loved those others hated or ignored (Luke 8:26-39; John 4--among many others).  He set an example for us (First Peter 2:21).  He spoke truth to those who didn't want to hear it (John 8).  All of those and more were part of the Father's plan for Jesus coming to earth.  But none of those are the actual reason.  The reason Jesus came was to fulfill God's promise to send a Savior to crush Satan's head (Genesis 3:15) and bring people to a right relationship with God.  Jesus took the penalty for our sinfulness, so that, by faith, we can take on His righteousness.  He wants a relationship with us now, and forever in Heaven.  That is why Jesus came.  He did something for us we could never have done for ourselves.  

     I recently saw a Christian Facebook page I usually agree with share a post about how Jesus came to start a movement of inclusiveness.  The exact words in the article were: Jesus, a teacher and carpenter's son, could have called up an army or built an empire. But instead, he sought to show how faith can spark a movement of love and inclusivity.  Technically, there could be truth to this statement.  Jesus was a teacher and carpenter's son, but it concerns me that this is all the article called Him, rather than acknowledging Him as the Son of God, God the Son, our Savior and Redeemer.  Secondly, it is true that Jesus could have built an earthly empire (and some even wanted to make Him their earthly king--John 6:14-15), and yet He chose not to do so.  It's also true that Jesus did include others.  But that isn't why Jesus came.  That isn't why Jesus refused to overthrow the Romans and start His own earthly kingdom.  His reason was to die for our sins, making it possible to save us!  And yes, that is a form of inclusivity, to make salvation available to all.  But that wasn't even what the writer of the article was getting at.  He was talking about just including people, no relation to salvation. 

     There are a lot of facets to the idea of inclusivity.  It's not fun to be left out.  I remember in 5th grade, a mean girl in our social circle braggingly told me her parents were taking her to Disneyland for her birthday, and she could invite anyone she wanted, but she decided to invite everyone in our class except me.  I felt terrible, especially the day after the party when everyone showed up with their Disneyland souvenirs.  But Jesus didn't come to earth so that mean girls would be forced to invite me to their birthday parties.  His Spirit should lead us toward kindness and reaching out, but that wasn't why Jesus came.  A lot of time, inclusivity these days is a code word for having to agree with everyone and everything, and accepting all behavior and lifestyles as being normal and good.  Jesus did not come to teach that at all.  To say He did is false teaching.  Even a more mild form of inclusivity, such as being kind and loving to all (which we should be doing as Christians) is not the reason Christ came, and to say it is, or to isolate that without looking at the real reason, is a false gospel!  

This was the picture with the article

     Galatians 1:8 says But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach to you a gospel contrary to the one we preached to you, let him be accursed.  We use this verse a lot with Mormons, because their books teach another gospel from what is presented in the Bible.  But the Mormons are not the only ones with another gospel.  The writer of the article I mentioned seems to be promoting a false gospel by saying Jesus came to show how faith can spark a movement of love and inclusivity (while emphasizing Him being a teacher and carpenter's son without mentioning His divinity).  Likewise, it is wrong for people to say Jesus came to set an example, and isolate that.  Or for people to say, Jesus came to speak truth to power.  These things happened, as stated in scripture, but they are only part of the bigger story, the story which culminated in Christ's death and resurrection, and result in our eternal salvation!  Some people not only make these other things the focus, taking attention away from the cross, but also twist them.  

     Liberation theology is something I've run into in recent years, and it really focuses on Jesus speaking truth to power.  Sometimes, emphases are made on this, to the point that the cross isn't even mentioned, and they even imply Jesus has a problem with any person who holds to the foundational beliefs in a changing culture, comparing such people to the pharisees.  It should be understood that the pharisees were not following God's laws.  They were just fakes, and were adding to what God had actually said in many cases.  If they really loved God, and were obeying what had been written in the Old Testament, Jesus would have commended them, and told them, in essence, "You're almost there!  That's why I came!"  Nicodemus was a pharisee, and he sought Jesus out to question Him, and Jesus didn't rebuke or blast him.  He told him the Gospel message.  

     Jesus didn't come against the pharisees, or anyone else, for being conservative, or holding to sound doctrine.  Jesus came against them for failing to believe in Him, and misleading others in the process.  Jesus came to fulfill the law and the prophets, not do away with them (Matthew 5:17).  If the believers in scripture in Jesus' day had been in error in their understanding of the Old Testament, Jesus would have told them this.  He clarified it (especially in the Sermon on the Mount where He pointed out several examples of how sin starts in the heart, IE: looking with lust being equated with adultery, and anger toward someone being equated with murder), but in all of this, Jesus didn't deny anything that was stated in the Old Testament.  For this reason, we can completely rely on the Old and New Testaments.  If something believed by the people had been false, Jesus would have corrected it when he was on earth.  For example, if the creation account in Genesis wasn't actually true, He would have said, "Hey, you know, the creation story Moses wrote down?  Well, it's a metaphor.  God didn't really create the earth in six days."  or "You know, when Moses wrote in Leviticus 20:13 how it is an abomination for a man to be in a sexual relationship with another man?  Well, that's not what it really means."  But Jesus never corrected any of this, because it was all God's true word in the first place.  Jesus didn't come to simply challenge the status quo, and neither should we, unless the status quo is wrong.  A pastor I greatly respect used to say, "The goal isn't to be radical.  The goal is to be right."  This means to conform our beliefs to the truth.  

     The apostles were very clear about what the gospel was.  They were willing to die, not for speaking out to power, or being inclusive, or setting an example, or any other aspect of Jesus' actions, but for the real gospel.  Peter's sermon in Acts 2 centered on Jesus' death and resurrection.  Stephen's defense to the Sanhedrin in Acts 7 was about the Old Testament pointing to Israel's (and everyone's) sinfulness and need of a Savior, and touched on Jesus' death.  Paul said in First Corinthians 1:23, But we preach Christ crucified...  

     To return to the article about being inclusive, I believe including others is godly and right--something Jesus did and would urge us to do.  Including doesn't mean we have to agree or affirm what they are doing.  It means we treat them kindly and thoughtfully, and make room for them in our churches.  We treat them like real people, not just case studies (some churches want to reach a certain demographic, and they treat these people like a commodity instead of a person).  I have been in churches where I didn't fit with their target audience, and was made to feel less important, and unwanted.  Another time, my husband and I attended a church where we did fit that exact demographic they were going for, and it felt fake, as if by having us there, they met some sort of quota instead of becoming our friends or ministering to us.  Being on either side of that kind of inclusivity really hurts.  Make sure you really know what including people should look like.  And even genuine, loving, Christlike versions of including others isn't the gospel.    There are many false gospels out there, some even stated by well-meaning Christians.  Anything other than Christ crucified and resurrected is not the gospel, and if anyone says it is, run away fast!  It's another gospel!  

Praying for Demas

      This is an entirely hypothetical story, but imagine the Apostle Peter gets a letter from his good old friend Thaddeus (or Simon the Zealot, or one of the other original disciples).  It's been so long!  He excitedly opens the letter, to receive a message that this close friend, with whom Peter learned under Jesus, and served mightily, and witnessed the greatest miracles in history, is no longer following Christ.  History records that all the disciples besides John died for the faith, so we know this isn't a true scenario, but supposing this happened, how would Peter feel to receive such a letter from such a dear friend with whom he'd shard so much?  He would be devastated.  His heart would be ripped out of his chest.  His mind would go back to those precious days when they sat under Jesus, learning from Him, only coming to know Him for real after the Resurrection.  After that, they were even more resolved!  They shared precious memories, probably inside jokes between them, and maybe some petty exchanges everyone would rather forget.  They were true Christian friends, with a bond nothing short of Heaven could improve on.  How would Peter suddenly feel to have one of these dear friends confide that he no longer serves Christ?  

     This year, I have had two very dear friends (I'll call them Shari* and Lisa*) I have served the Lord with in the past confide that they no longer follow Christ or believe in Christianity.  I just think of all the spiritual victories these friends and I won together.  I think of a time Shari and I were doing evangelism in a large Midwestern city, a rough part of town.  While I shared the Gospel with some boys, Shari prayed silently, keeping distractions at bay.  About halfway through my sharing, something like gunshots sounded, scaring me to death.  Shari pleaded with the Almighty to stop the noise, and keep it from distracting from the Gospel presentation.  It turned out someone was playing with firecrackers, and God answered Shari's prayer, because it stopped before I got to the invitation.  After these boys came to the Lord, Shari and I embraced, feeling we had fought a real battle.  I think of Lisa and me serving together as teenagers, and becoming ministry leaders as young women.  I think of all the wise and encouraging things she has said to me over the years.  I think of the times both of these friends have prayed with me, and served with me.  We encountered Jesus in real, deep ways together.  Ways that were so real I could never deny it was Him.  We experienced joy--real joy--prelude to Heaven joy.  And yet...somehow, they walked away from that.  Lisa even confessed to me that she had been avoiding me because she didn't want to talk about it with me, and said we don't have anything in common now.  Uncertain what to say, I told her that I was open to hearing about all she had been through, but no pressure.  After that, I told her, "You know who I am, and where I stand, so I'll leave it in your court if you choose to keep in touch, but know I'll always care about you and value you."  I didn't know what else to say.  Afterwards, I was left wondering if I said too much, or too little, or if I had left the door wide-enough open, or too widely-open.  

     Shari's confession was a few months ago, and saddened me.  Lisa's was just this week, and now both of them are hitting me.  How do we deal with dear Christian friends who leave the faith?  Does the Bible address this?  

     Theologically, there are a few positions.  Some Christians, whom I love and respect very much, but disagree with, site Hebrews 6:4-6 as evidence that a believer can forfeit his salvation and become unsaved again.  I have addressed this a lot more in-depth in other posts, and this isn't my main point today, but I believe in the eternal security of the Christian, as I see it as much more consistent with the entirety of scripture.  A verse we teach the children in our ministry is Hebrews 13:5b, ....I will never leave you nor forsake you.  We are sealed with the Spirit (Ephesians 1:3).  No one can pluck us out of Jesus hand, or the Father's hand (John 10:28-29).  Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ (Romans 8:38-39).  If we are faithless, He remains faithful (Second Timothy 2:13).  He will continue the good work He began in us (Philippians 1:6).  He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1:4).  Jesus is interceding for us (Romans 8:34).  We also know there are saved individuals who will be in Heaven, but won't have any rewards, because they didn't follow Christ fully (First Corinthians 3:10-15).  There are also those who were never saved to begin with (Matthew 7:23).  It's a lot to wade through theologically.  We don't always know where our friends are at when they claim to no longer believe.

     So, aside from the theological aspect of our backsliding friends' eternal salvation, how are we supposed to feel about these kinds of losses?  To be honest, I feel almost a sense of rejection.  But even as this feeling comes to me, I am reminded of what God said to Samuel in First Samuel 8:7, when the people demanded a king, because they have not rejected you, but they have rejected Me.  This isn't personal toward me, and I never thought it was.  It is toward the Lord, and that is why it hurts so much.  Psalm 42:4 comes to mind, When I remember these things, I pour out my soul in me: for I had gone with the multitude, I went with them to the house of God, with the voice of joy and praise, with a multitude that kept holyday.  That is how I feel about friends like Shari and Lisa (and others as well).  We went to God's house together.  We worshipped the Lord together.  We did battle together.  We saw victories together.  We laughed and cried together, and made very precious memories that are part of my spiritual journey, and very special to me.  Particularly with Lisa, all I could think was, "I never thought it would be you!"  

     I started with the hypothetical question of how Peter would feel if one of his fellow disciples walked away.  Well, one of them did.  Judas.  I wonder if they grieved that loss?  Since Judas never saw the real reason for Christ coming, and didn't serve after the resurrection with them, it might not have been as hard, but I'm sure there was a sense of betrayal (not just for Jesus, but for the other disciples).  We don't know how Peter reacted to this, or how he would have reacted to one of the other disciples in the imagined (and thankfully untrue) scenario I began with, but we do know how the Apostle Paul would address it, because he did.  

     In Colossians 4:14, Paul mentions Demas, and merely says that he sends greetings.  We don't know a whole lot about this Demas, except that he was part of the early church.  He served with Paul in some way.  Demas is also mentioned in the closing of Philemon, listing Demas as one sending greetings (among some others).  Later, in Second Timothy 4:10, shortly before Paul's death, he tells Timothy, For Demas, in love with this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessalonica... This verse always makes me want to weep, and more so after these two friends' confessions to me.  I'm sure Paul was grieved.  If he discipled Demas, he may have asked himself, "What did I do wrong?" even if he didn't do anything wrong.  If he was more of an "equal" with Demas, like I was with Shari and Lisa, maybe he replayed again and again in his mind all the times they served together, the victories they won, how real it all seemed to Demas then, and wondered how it all changed for him?  Maybe Demas' love of this world was shallow and materialistic.  Or maybe he struggled deeply with the persecution and difficulties of ministry, and just broke down and left for a while.  Maybe he had a real crisis.  We just don't know.  I hope he came back to a close walk with Christ before his death, and started storing up treasures in Heaven again.  One commentary I read suggested that Philemon may have been written after Second Timothy, and the reference to him there means that Demas was restored.  This does not gel with most commentators on the Pauline epistles, who firmly say Second Timothy was Paul's final letter, but it would be encouraging to think this.  

     What about our own personal Demases?  I know many more than just Shari and Lisa, though those two are some of the most intense relationships that this happened with.  What do we do for them?  We pray!  We fight for them on our knees as fervently as we fought with them in the spiritual battles of the past.  We are to love our fellow laborers to the end, just as Jesus did (John 13:1).  We should never give up.  We should never underestimate the power of the Holy Spirit.  While chasing them down probably isn't the most effective way to bring them back, being available can go a long way.  If these friends want to talk and share, listen to them.  Show compassion.  Validate their experiences without validating the conclusions they have drawn.  Whatever they've been through is very real, even if the choices they made as a result were wrong.  Try to understand, but never compromise on the truth.  God's word is the truth we stand on, and we can let our friends know that's where we stand, even as we love and listen.  

     Finally, we keep on running our own race.  I love Shari and Lisa, but their troubles can't stop me from doing as I've been called to do.  I can grieve.  I can cry out to God on their behalf.  But I can't stop running my own race.  We keep running!  That's what Paul did.  I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.  All that joy I experienced serving Christ and winning spiritual battles wasn't from Shari, Lisa or any other mortal.  It was Christ in His glory, and we will see that infinity-fold in Heaven.  That's why we do what we do!  Keep running your race today!  But pray for Demas as you do.  

Destroyed By The Truth?

      Imagine a powerful ministry, being used of the Lord to bring people to Christ and do a lot of good in the world.  A real work of God is happening.  Lives, families, even whole communities and nations are being changed for Christ.  But then imagine that you happen to become aware that some of the key people in this ministry are abusive to their families behind closed doors, and are handling small matters in unbiblical ways within their ministry--ways the general public doesn't see.  What do you do?  If you speak out, you could bring these people down, and that could cause people to question the validity of Christianity altogether.  It could end this powerful ministry that is reaching so many.  Wouldn't it be better to just keep quiet and let God deal with it?  Can the truth ever bring down God's work?

     This is a question posed in the newly published book, I Didn't Survive, by Naghmeh Abedini Panahi.  Naghmeh shares her story--that of a young Islamic girl coming to America from Iran at age 9 and meeting Jesus Christ.  Amidst the persecution from her Islamic parents, Naghmeh continued in her Christian faith through her teen years, joyfully seeing her parents eventually saved as well.  From then, Naghmeh pursued ministry back in Iran.  This godly, ministry-minded woman met a magnetic Christian leader, and they were drawn to each other through a shared burden for evangelism, as well as mutual attraction.  Naghmeh recounts her marriage to a man hailed by many as a Christian hero, Saeed Abedini.  Their marriage started in Iran, but due to persecution, they worried about endangering the house church members they were leading, so they opted to move to the US (Naghmeh was an American citizen, and Saeed eventually became one too).  They settled in Boise, Idaho, where they ministered in person, as well as continued to serve the Iranian Christians online.  All appeared to be well on the outside. 

      Behind closed doors, Saeed was a very different man.  Neghmeh endured physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual abuse.  Saeed's violence even got him in trouble with the law in the US a few times.  Naghmeh relayed an experience where Saeed grew enraged when she disagreed with him, and he almost killed her.  She called the police, and he was taken away.  Another time, he started beating Naghmeh's father and broke his nose.  Their family tried not to press charges, and to minimize it.  Saeed also sowed discord in his ministry relationships the longer people worked with him.  His difficult personality was coming out to more and more people.  Yet still, by and large, people who only saw his public persona admired his devotion to the Gospel.  In 2012, Saeed was back in Iran doing some ministry, while Naghmeh and their two children were back in Boise.  Saeed was arrested and imprisoned for several years.  This was the beginning of Naghmeh's change in direction.  To this day, Naghmeh is still a godly, Bible-following, Jesus-loving Christian, but now, has extra discernment to help others being wounded by spiritual abuse.  

     I personally became aware of Saeed early on in his prison time.  He was being hailed as a Christian hero for the faith, and my heart went out to him and his family.  I clearly recall seeing a poster at a church at which I helped with their Vacation Bible School.  This poster said #FreeSaeed, and had a picture of Saeed and his family together on vacation at Disneyland.  I imagined them to be a happy, loving family, and him to be an amazing minister of the Gospel.  

     While it is true that his wife worked tirelessly to see him freed, she was brokenhearted in the direction of their marriage.  What no one knew until later was that Saeed had been very unfaithful, and even at the time of his arrest, he was in an adulterous affair.  Hours before his arrest, Naghmeh found out about his latest tryst, and confronted him over the phone, but he just told her she was crazy and needed help.  Only a few hours later, he was arrested.

     In spite of his sins, he was still arrested for the sake of Christ, and that itself shouldn't be diminished, but he was doing very wrong things to his family at the same time.  As Naghmeh worked toward his release, meeting with important heads of state and speaking at churches all over the nation, she grew in her own Christian confidence.  She had been told how worthless she was by Saeed over and over, and to have people be so kind and encouraging made her come out of her shell a little.  She recounts very positive and uplifting meetings with both then-President Obama and future-President Trump.  Both men were kind and assuring to her, and put forth effort to help free Saeed.  She met with many other nations' leaders, and had some incredible stories to share.  Her heart warmed to the godly love she was being shown by brothers and sisters in Christ.  She also had access to Saeed, who had a contraband phone in prison.  For a while their talks were good, and they seemed to be drawing close to each other and to God.  But over time, as it became clear Saeed wasn't going to be executed, he began to see himself as pretty important, and the real Saeed resurfaced, becoming mean and abusive again.  He expected to have the life of a celebrity Christian when he came out of prison.  He envisioned living in a mansion and owning a private jet.  All while this was going on, Naghmeh found that he was watching homoeratic porn on his phone in prison.  This wasn't a godly man who was struggling with this and wanting to break free.  This was someone totally unrepentant.  His double-mindedness was maddening.  He became verbally abusive to her again, calling her a whore and other names, and telling her that no one was applauding her when she spoke or gave talks, but they were really applauding him, and that her worth came form him.  He then threatened to divorce her, and he told her everyone would hate her then.  This was the man so many of us were viewing as a Christian hero and wonderful family man.  

     Finally, Naghmeh had had enough, and told him that if he couldn't talk nicely to her, then he shouldn't call her.  He hung up, and that was basically the last time they talked.  

     Naghmeh finally confided in a pastor (who also happened to be a psychologist) about what was going on, and he helped her to see she was being abused.  She was able to start working through all she had been through.  She confided in a few friends, but the information was leaked to the press.  The people who had supported her and sung her praises suddenly felt uncomfortable with her, and didn't want to address the abuse.  A few Christian leaders asked her to take it back, saying she should claim that she was under stress, or mentally unstable, and hadn't known what she was saying.  But she refused.  She wasn't unstable.  She was in her right mind.  Saeed was, of course, furious his character had been revealed to the public, and the facade had begun to crumble.  Surprisingly, he was freed a short time after this, and, with the advice of others and by God's guidance, Naghmeh got a protection order against him.  Even when well-known and well-meaning leaders tried to get her to allow him back around her and their children, she held her ground.  She wanted restoration.  She didn't want a divorce.  But she had one requirement. Saeed had to go to counseling for his abuse, and once he did that, she was willing to work on their marriage as a couple.  Her boundary was criticized by Franklin Graham, who wanted to minimize the abuse.  Fortunately, Naghmeh's pastor was present for this meeting, and he made Franklin hear Naghmeh out.  The bottom line was, Saeed never got the counseling, and instead filed for divorce against Naghmeh.  She was awarded full custody of their children.  

     After all of this, some Christians didn't want much to do with her.  They liked her as the supportive wife of a martyr, but not as a single mother/abuse survivor.  Many would have preferred she let the facade remain, and kept quiet about Saeed's abuse, and even remained in abusive situations.  

     All through her marriage, Naghmeh had tried to get help, but hadn't known how to explain it.  The advice she had gotten was advice that, between normal spouses having a quarrel, would be right and good, but not in real abuse.  She applied advice that really didn't fit, and allowed him to continue harming her and others.  She didn't know better.  This begs the question, why are Christians often unequipped to help those being hurt and abused--not just in marriages, but in churches as a whole?  Is opening up--the way Naghmeh did--the right thing to do?  

     The short answer is, the truth sets us free (John 8:32), and telling the truth can never bring down God's word or work.  Keeping quiet about abuse is never the right thing to do.  It might seem like the merciful thing to let the abuser off the hook, but not only is that wrong toward the victims, but it allows the abuser to continue hurting even more people.  

    Sometimes beautiful works of God coexist with abusive people in them.  Why is that?  I believe the answer can be found in the Parable of the Wheat and the Tares, which Jesus told in Matthew 13:24-30.  This parable talks about how the enemy sowed tares among some wheat a man had grown in his field.  As the wheat grew, so did the tares.  The man's servants asked if he wanted them to just pull the tares out, but the man said not to do this, because it could cause some damage.  In verse 30, he gave the solution, Let both grow together until the harvest, and at the time of harvest I will say to the reapers, “First gather together the tares and bind them in bundles to burn them, but gather the wheat into my barn.”  God will eventually deal with wrongdoing in ministries, but it isn't always immediate.  This does not mean that God condones it.  He will repay.  And if we discover evil, we should address it.  Sometimes, people being caught and reported are part of God's way of dealing with those tares.  This passage explains why we sometimes find wonderful works of the Lord riddled with bad people doing harm.  It doesn't diminish the good, nor does it excuse the bad.

     I haven't been in Naghmeh's place exactly, but I have experienced spiritual abuse from leaders I should have been able to trust.  A lot of this happened when I was a young woman, some as young as fourteen.  As a college student, I experienced abuse on a mission trip.  The president of that ministry eventually issued me an official apology for what happened, and that means a lot to me.  When I have seen people praising those who hurt me or my family, it has made me feel crazy inside.  One particular person who hurt me was honored and featured in a Christian periodical, and that made me feel invalidated and invisible.  Yet God sees, and knows the truth.  A scripture Naghmeh shared that really struck a chord in me was Matthew 25, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did to me.  Those who wound others, even if they are praised by others, have hurt Jesus Himself, and He will repay.  He will comfort the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds (Psalm 147:3).  

     That is all encouraging, but what can we do on a practical level?  How can we prevent and stop abuse?  1) We can be accountable, and keep accountabilities in place for all participants in our ministries.  No exceptions, not even for the head honcho of the ministry.  2) We can be real, and share, and build trust within our ministry.  Open communication is vital.  3) We can listen.  We must listen.  Sometimes, people are led to share something that isn't popular (such as, "Something abusive is going on here"), but we need to listen.  We can't just tell the person to get with the program and make them be positive again.  We need to encourage a culture of being open and real, and of listening and hearing each other.  

     The most important thing we can do is keep in step with the Spirit, hearing His voice, and letting Him lead.  Ask Him to open your eyes to the truth, and adjust accordingly 

You can view and order Nahgmeh's book here.

Means of His Grace

     A quote I read long ago (and am unable to find, and therefore can't properly accredit, or even use the exact words) said, God will often use the object of your greatest resistance as a means of His grace.  This is encouraging, and is biblically validated.  Romans 8:28 (which happens to be my life verse) says, And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.  God can use anything, but it is most amazing to me (and probably most of us) when God uses something we didn't want, or that was difficult for us.  I can think of a special example.

     I grew up at a unique time, in that my childhood and teen years were all within the 20th century.  Even though I was an 80s kid and a 90s teen, the things we had were probably more similar to things children and youth in the 50's had than to things kids just ten years younger than me had (we had VCR's, and our telephones had answering machines, but those are the only big things I could think of we had that my parent's generation hadn't).  Technology made extremely fast advances when I was a college student in my early 20's.  TV commercials used to have an 800 number at the bottom of the screen to call, and suddenly, this started being accompanied by a website.  People asked each other for their email addresses.  I was reeling from the rapid changes.  And yet still, most of my college years, we used pay phones. I remember as a teenager always having a quarter in my pocket in case I needed to make a call, and by the time I was a college student I carried calling cards with me, especially on mission trips I took.  Anyone remember calling cards?  I never left home without them!

    In the years that followed (more in my later 20's), cell phones advanced to become something we would never have imagined.  Social media became commonly used when I was in my late 20's as well.  Communication had changed so much from my simple childhood and teen years.  I kind of felt threatened and overwhelmed by too many fast changes.  I didn't feel safe or comfortable, and I worried I'd make some faux pas with this new way of interacting.  Really, that was a social anxiety problem, not a technology problem.  

     On a deeper level, what bothered me about this technology was that it seemed to contribute to friendships becoming unhealthy and enmeshed.  When cell phones first became affordable to use (remember when they first came out, you only used them for emergencies, and they cost a fortune), I couldn't spend even a few minutes with a friend without their cell phone ringing.  It seemed like everything suddenly became urgent, and people lost their ability to patiently wait.  It also seemed as if people valued the person on the phone more than the person in front of them.  I had one friend visit me from out of state, and she spent 90% of her time talking on her cell phone with people back home and ignoring me (even though she had spent money to fly out and visit).  I was really hurt by this, and felt really rejected.  It felt like cell phones had normalized rudeness.

     To be fair, I feel that now, with the technology being less of a novelty, people seem to have healthier boundaries than they used to with their phones.  People seem more able to ignore calls and call the person back later.  It's more like it used to be when your home phone rang when you had company.  You could ignore it and get back to the person later.  But back in my late 20's, I felt cell phone destroyed relationships a lot more than they brought people together.  I was anti-cell, anti-social-media.  

We still have a landline phone to this day, in addition to our cell phones.  This is actually the wall phone we've had all our married lives (though we've had a few different numbers this phone was connected to). 

     It took some time and healing, but I have seen how much God has blessed me through technology.  I have been able to make friends with Christians all over the earth.  Every week, I monitor a prayer line, and I get to talk to Christians all over this nation and the world.  I have made lasting friendships with people in Africa, Australia, Canada, and many US states.  With the ability to video chat and call over Facebook messenger, I can touch base with Christian friends without spending a dime!  I wish I could go back in time to my teenage self in the 90s and say, "Hey, in thirty years, you'll have Christian friends all over the world, and you'll call each other for free all the time!"  I woudln't have believed such a blessing could be possible!  It's all in how you use it.  God used that resistance to become a means of His grace.  

     Years ago, in 2009, I faced a scary spiritual warfare situation.  It was the middle of the night, and a student I was mentoring called me, sharing that a friend who was spending the night at her house was manifesting a demon.  I went over to pray with them, but I felt I needed other Christians praying for me.  However, no one in the US that I knew would have been awake.  I didn't think it was fair for other people to lose sleep over this, so I prayed that night/early morning, "Lord, if there is anyone on earth who knows me and is awake, cause them to pray for me right now!"  I later found out a missionary friend in Thailand had felt led to pray for me then.  But now, with this technology, I can contact people directly.  We recently faced another midnight ministry crisis, and we got on messenger and told our friend in Australia.  She was awake (it was daytime there), and got the message right away.  She got her pastor's wife praying for us!  See how the technology helped in ways we never would have imagined?  

     My husband was recently hospitalized.  Visiting hours last most of the day, but there is still a limit, and it was hard bringing our three-year-old in.  It was such a blessing that Walter and I were able to video chat a lot.  That kept us more deeply connected during that trial of a week.  

A screenshot of Walter and me talking on Facebook messenger while he was hospitalized.  Tommy and I visited him every day, but spent far more time on video chat.  

     Another thing technology has done is connect people to ministries.  When I was growing up, my dad used to marvel that, years earlier, people had to wait for a revival to come to the town to hear any other preachers besides their own, but by then (in the 20th century) with the radio, you could listen to biblical preachers all over the country!  Well, today, we can take that even further.  With podcasts and church websites posting their sermons, you can listen to anything online!  My friend in Australia and I have enjoyed listening to each other's churches online.  Ministries are so much more accessible.  I have even gotten to witness to people I didn't know online.  It really is amazing.  Jesus said, And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.  (Matthew 24:14).  Technology has certainly made that easier!  

     Technology has also helped people feel less isolated.  I know I used to feel I was the only one who believed as I did, because I would hear news commentators and public figures making claims that I found wrong or unbiblical.  Now, the average person has a platform, and we can't be bullied by the media anymore.  We can easily connect with those who share our beliefs, and often find ourselves in the majority, when others would try to make us feel the opposite.  That is a very, very good thing.  

     Technology can never take the place of personal relationships.  If it aids relationships, it is a good thing, but some people put too much stock in technology.  A church I knew of in my hometown (not my church) felt that kids would only want to be there if their program was high tech.  What they didn't realize was that children born in this 21st century aren't impressed by computers and technology.  Thats all commonplace to them.  This church got a whole computerized and video Sunday school curriculum, where there was almost no interaction, and attendance plummeted.  They learned their lesson, and went back to the "old fashioned" way of simply teaching children the Bible, and building relationships with them.  Again, I feel these errors with overdoing technology were more common earlier on.  I think it's more balanced now.  

     God has used an object of my resistance to be a means of His grace in so many ways!  What are some things that you have struggled with?  Have you ever seen any of them become a blessing to you?  Only God could do that, to take something that frightens or offends us, and turn it around to minister His grace.  He knows what we need.  I will close with Second Corinthians 9:8, And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed. 

From the Bible Belt to You

      This is a rare post where politics and biblical view collide.  I try very hard to keep this blog about Christian topics, that can help everyone's walk with Christ, but sometimes, these things intersect with daily living, and this is one of those times.  

     "My governor's kind of a wimp," I told them, forcing the Arkansas accent I don't actually possess, but have been able to mimmic after living here a while, "but your governor is a tyrant!"  I loved the way the word "tyrant" rolled off my tongue with the forced Southern accent.  

     I was under cover, in a sense.  I was visiting my home state of California, after living out of it for some time.  Over the last seven years, my husband and I have lived in South Dakota, New Mexico, Texas and Arkansas.  We have been in Arkansas over three years, and have no plans of leaving.  

     We were in California in December of 2021.  During that time in Arkansas, Covid restrictions had lessened quite a bit.  Masks were not mandated (though many were choosing to wear them).  In California, on the other hand, masks had just been re-mandated (though almost no one wore one--even less wore them than in Arkansas, where it was not required!), and some cities even required people to show proof of vaccination to enter restaurants or stores (we avoided these cities, because we refuse to discuss our medical decisions and information with anyone besides our doctor).  I wondered what my fellow Californians really thought of this.  In grocery stores, and other places I went during our time in California, I would strike up friendly conversations with people around me.  I told them the true story that I was visiting from Arkansas for the holidays.  What I didn't tell them was that I was originally from California myself.  I played the part of a shocked Southerner, completely affronted by their governor's requirements.  This was the moment of truth.  What would Californians tell me?  

     "I agree!"  Would be the most common answer.  "I'm a Republican.  I didn't vote for him.  I helped try to impeach him.  He's just too slippery for us."  

     This is the last I'll say about California's governor.  That isn't my point here.  The results of my experiment on this trip told me a few things.  The people I met in California were not on board with the leftist approaches.  They were not complying with mask mandates, and practically everyone told me they disapproved of the governor and had hoped to impeach him.  In other words, these people were average, normal Americans who felt their rights were infringed upon, just like people in Arkansas, and most other states I've lived in. 

     I grew up in California.  Being gone so many years, I'm not sure if I still count as a Californian (I am an Arkansas driver, voter and tax payer), but California is where I'm from.  My whole life, I was told by youth pastors and other Christian leaders how bad our state was.  They would talk longingly about the Bible Belt (which they considered the other 49 states besides California).  They told us that in these other states, people didn't cuss or do the middle finger, and people never slept together before marriage, and nobody had to lock their doors, because crime basically didn't exist.  Everyone went to church and did the right thing.  Nobody even drove above the posted speed limit.  People were kind to their neighbors, and had them in for coffee and just passed the time chatting.  They made it sound as if the rest of the country lived like Little House on the Prairie.  I knew that we lived in a wonderful neighborhood, where we all helped each other and were friends, so I figured that in other states, they must be absolutely amazing.  To a lesser degree, these same Christian leaders also put down our country, lamenting that we had strayed so far from our founding father's desires, and from God's.  This inadvertently made me think the rest of the world was following God, and our country was the only one with really bad sins in it.  

     My first major trip outside of California, I was molested by a young man supposedly from the "Bible Belt" and this offense even happened in the Bible Belt (the real Bible Belt, not just what Californians thought was the Bible Belt).  My first trip out of the United States was much the same, with being violated and humiliated by a lot of non-Californians and non-Americans I had been led to believe were practically perfect.  My Christian leaders who made these statements had failed me and created an illusion about people from other states and countries.  

     It is easy for Conservative Christians in places like California (or New York or other more liberal states) to lament and long for the Bible Belt.  They could look at a state like Arkansas.  From the outside, Arkansas appears to be everything California is not.  There is a Conservative supermajority politically here.  And yet a closer look will reveal that all is not as it seems on the surface.  Our Republican Party here is so corrupt.  Part of the reason our party has a supermajority is because our state party refuses to limit our elections to only Republican running.  A registered Democrat (or Green Party, Libertarian, etc) can run on the Republican ticket, and they often do.  Many of our leaders are not true Conservatives, even though we are a Red State.  We also have refused to close our primary elections, which means people of other parties can vote in our primaries and elect left-leaning candidates running as Republicans.  My husband recently tried to address this with some state senators, and when he politicly asked them why they don't believe in closing our primaries, they cussed him out, without giving a real answer.  There is a lot of corruption.  It isn't what it looks like from the outside.  There is a war going on in our party between these left-leaning Republicans and those of us who call ourselves true Patriots.  Walter and I personally have battle scars from some of this (see my post Handling Master Manipulators, July 28, 2022).  We are fighting the same battles Conservatives are fighting in California and New York.  It goes by different names, but the battle is the same.  

     Here are some basic truths:

     * The states considered to be included in the Bible Belt are pretty much limited to the states included in the Confederacy during the Civil War (see map below).  

     *According to Pew Research, Oregon has the lowest percentage of professing Christians, but the number is still overwhelmingly high, with 76% of Oregonians professing Christianity.  

     *Conversely, Oregon leads the country in non-religious residents, but that total only comes to 18% of the state's population.  

     *While Utah is often considered to be one of the most Christian states, these studies that find this include Mormonism with Christianity.  Utah actually has the lowest percentage of Protestant Christians in the nation, with only 13% of Utah residents identifying as Protestants.  

     *It is very important to note that just because someone identifies as Christian does not mean he or she is a real born-again Child of God according to the Bible.  By the Bible's definition, true Christians would be in the minority in all 50 states (while professing Christians are in the majority in all 50).  

     *Louisiana has the highest sales tax in the country. 

     * New Jersey has the highest property tax in the nation.  

     *Alaska has the highest violent crime rate in the nation, followed by New Mexico, Tennessee, Arkansas, Arizona, Louisiana, Missouri, South Carolina, South Dakota, and Michigan (three of those are states I've lived in, and we got our home broken into in South Dakota).

     *All 50 states have solid, Bible-believing Christians, churches, and ministry efforts.  You would find likeminded people in any one of these states.

     *All 50 states have hidden expenses that unfairly gouge residents (here in Arkansas, you have to pay property taxes on your car!).

Here are a few personal observations:

     *The only place we've lived where we had our home broken into was South Dakota.

     *Our auto insurances was highest in New Mexico than any other state we've lived in.

     *Our living expenses were highest in Texas.

     *Our taxes are the highest here in Arkansas.

     *It is tremendously harder to do ministry in the Bible Belt than in other states.  We run into people who believe they are Christians just because they were born in Arkansas, and are totally affronted when confronted with their need of salvation.  We also have a much harder time getting churches here to partner with our ministry, because churches are a lot more autonomous here.  They have their own programs already, and aren't interested in our ministry.  We have even had some get offended with us, thinking we're trying to "steal the show" so to speak.  I never ran into this in California or the Midwest doing evangelism.  

Here are some spiritual truths:

     *Nowhere on earth is perfect, because creation is under the curse brought on by the fall (Romans 8:19-22).  It will one day be restored, though (Revelation 21:5).

     *Human nature causes all the trouble, and anywhere you find people, you'll find the trouble you're trying to escape (Romans 3:10, 23).  

      *Sometimes, like Abram in Genesis 12, we are called to leave where we're at to a new place, but other times, we are right where we belong and need to bloom there (First Corinthians 12:18).  Like Esther, you may be at the exact place you are For such a time as this (Esther 4:14).

     *Rather than complain about evil, we should be winning the lost to Christ, wherever we find ourselves (Acts 1:8).

     *Wherever you live (Red State, Blue State, communist regime, godless society, Islamic nation--whatever), if you are a Christian, You are the light of the world. (Matthew 5:14).

     *Your hope is in Jesus and your forever home in Heaven, not in finding a better place to live on earth (First Peter 1:3-5).

     *Jesus has overcome the trials faced in this life (John 16:33).

     *Jesus has chosen you out of this world, along with people from every state and nation (John 15:19, Revelation 7:9-10).

     *Your real enemies are not the human officials governing where you live.  They are the spiritual forces of wickedness (Ephesians 6:12).

     *You live where and when you do by God's Sovereign design (Acts 17:26-27).

     Everything I was told and believed about my home state was a lie, and set me up for failure and hurt.  Don't believe the untruths being perpetuated that people are genetically superior in the Bible Belt (or anywhere else).  There is sin everywhere.  There is corruption everywhere.  No border can keep it out, because it begins in the human heart, and this has been the case since Genesis 3, when Adam and Eve disobeyed God and brought all of creation down with them.  

     If you think leaving your home state is the right answer for you, then do it, but don't leave expecting to find Little House on the Prairie in other states.  Don't look for your utopia on earth.  Follow God's will and leading for you.  Recognize you can't take a break from being in the battle between Good and Evil.  One thing I will say about less "Christian" areas is that believers often face the choice much sooner, and examine their faith, realizing it is worth believing and suffering for.  In Bible Belt places, there is a false sense of security.  Some of the finest Christians I have met are from less "Christian" areas.  

     Go with God.  Go in his peace, strength and might.  This world (every corner of it) needs what you have to offer!  Go take a chance and share Jesus with people who need Him so desperately!  You won't be sorry.  When you are standing before God one day at the Judgment Seat of Christ, you won't lament that you weren't from the Bible Belt.  You'll rejoice if you stood for Jesus, wherever you were.  

Counting the Cost

      Jesus told us to count the cost (Luke 14:28-33).  Sometimes, that's hard to do, because we don't know all the variables that could possibly happen as the result of a given decision.  We can just do our best with God's help.  This was something Jill Duggar Dillard discovered in her life, and covered in her new book Counting the Cost, written with the help of her supportive husband Derick Dillard.  I found this book interesting and encouraging, and I'd like to interact with it.       

     Jill is the fourth child (and second daughter) of the famous Duggar family, who rose to fame for having 19 children.  The Duggars had their own reality TV show from 2008-2015, and then, a spin-off series focusing on the adult children from 2015-2021.  Both shows were eventually cancelled due to the oldest child Josh Duggar's misdeeds.  Josh Duggar is currently serving a sentence in a federal prison after being found guilty of child porn.  This was the last of many misdeeds perpetrated by Josh Duggar.  

     Jill shares about growing up in a very loving family.  As I read, I really found myself liking her parents, Jim-Bob and Michelle.  Over the years, I have disagreed with several things they have said and done, so I wasn't really sure how I felt about them, personally, but Jill's first-hand account of growing up under their roof revealed loving, caring parents who really wanted what was best for their children.  They started out in good faith.  

     Jill shares what it was like growing up in a large family with ultra conservative values.  It didn't take long for her to see that other people weren't like their family.  From their family's size, to the rules they had to follow (no dancing, etc.),  to the way they dressed, they were different.  Jill recounts a time her family went on vacation to the beach.  They were having a wonderful time, but Jill felt self-conscience in her long skirt and long sleeves, when those around them were wearing swimsuits.  A girl about Jill's age at the time asked her straight out why she was dressed like that at the beach.  Not sure what to say, Jill finally answered that they hadn't planned on going to the beach, and didn't bring any other clothes with them.  

     Jill continued to be aware that they were different.  Even the church they attended for a while didn't adhere to her family's convictions, and they eventually left and joined a much stricter home church group.  It wasn't until her family started getting involved in Bill Gothard's Institute of Basic Life Principles (IBLP) that she met families more like her own.  It was validating.  She talks about certain "model" families in the IBLP, who were picture perfect and did everything "right" by those standards.  These families obeyed all the modesty rules in dress, and had many children, all of whom appeared perfectly happy and well-behaved.  These families would be invited up at IBLP conferences to do a musical number (IBLP approved music, of course).  

     While Jill recounts coming to new Christian convictions in her life as a married woman, she respects her parents, and the integrity of what they wanted for their family.  She describes her mother as very sweet and loving, and her father much the same.  She had a special place in their hearts, and they called her their "Sweet Jilly Muffin."  

     Jill's father, Jim Bob Duggar, spent four years in Arkansas' House of Representatives.  Following this, he had an unsuccessful run for US Senate.  What surprised me is that Jill shared that he tried to confirm if running for Senate was God's will by flipping a coin.  I wasn't expecting that.  When he didn't win, he didn't really understand why he had felt called to run, but he found what he believed to be the answer a short time later.  On election day, the Duggar family had gone to the polls together, all dressed alike.  They were photographed, and the picture was printed in the New York Times.

     This attention led to the family having the opportunity to be filmed in a few TV specials, and eventually getting a weekly reality TV show.  Jim Bob saw this as a "window of opportunity" and a "ministry."  This was where Jill sees a breakdown occurring in her family's integrity.  Her family really saw this as a chance to reach people with Christian values.  It appears that Jim Bob started having delusions of grandeur after a while.  Initially, the family's party line was basically to say they were thankful for the opportunity, but would be just as happy if the show was gone tomorrow, but later on, Jim Bob fought tooth and nail to keep the show.  Jill mentions a conversation her dad had with a friend, who challenged Jim Bob that God could call someone to reach out to one person instead of a crowd, and Jim Bob disagreed, acting as if this TV ministry was the only way to serve.  Jill overheard this and was very sad, believing her father was wrong.  She thought of times in the Bible Jesus left the crowd to reach the one the Father was drawing.  I was impressed with Jill's ability to draw biblical parallels in forming her own convictions.  Jumping forward a little bit, Jill and her husband Derick ended up being missionaries in Latin America for a while, and Jim Bob told them that their ministry wasn't as important as the show, because it wasn't reaching as many people.  This really hurt them, and again, Jill saw the error in his thinking on this.  

     Jill doesn't go into much detail about her brother Josh's molesting her and her sisters.  That was a humiliating situation for her, and she was grieved the private record was made public in 2015.  Jill shares about how their family was humiliated by this revelation of Josh's misdeeds.  Josh was asked to step down from his job at the Family Research Counsel in Washington, DC.  The family met up in Oklahoma to hide from the press for a few days.  Josh was making jokes about the situation, and Michelle Duggar reprimanded her son for being arrogant, reminding him that his sin started the problem.  It was at this time Jill started having flashbacks and nightmares about the original abuse from Josh.  In order to help her family save face, Jill felt obligated to do an interview on Fox News with Megyn Kelly, defending Josh and talking about how this issue with him was dealt with long ago and was in the past.  Jill's sister Jessa (another victim) joined her.  The book revealed that Josh was sitting just off camera while they were interviewed, and it was a very uncomfortable situation.  Jill wasn't technically asked to do it, she volunteered, but there was pressure from the family to cover for Josh.  The aim was to help save the show.  She really regrets this now.  Jill was a newly married woman at this time, and she was still under pressure from her parents.

     Jill shares about meeting and marrying Derick Dillard.  As long as I have followed their story, I have had a lot of respect for Derick, and for them as a couple.  Derick has a good head on his shoulders, and a deep Christian foundation.  I enjoyed their love story.  Derick had asked Jim Bob to be a prayer partner while he served on a mission trip to Nepal.  Jill came into contact with Derick through her father, and they talked through video chat.  The show wanted to do an episode where Jill and Derick met in person, so they financed a trip for Jim Bob and Jill to go to Nepal.  They were there two weeks, but the show was only filming during the first week.  They did a fake goodbye for the camera, but Jill got to spend more time with him (under Jim Bob's supervision, of course).  It was in Nepal that they officially began courting, and their relationship continued after Derick returned to the states.  Their relationship was strongly chaperoned by Jill's family.  Jill shares a situation where she and Derick were sledding in the snow in front of the Duggar house, when Michelle came out and told them they weren't allowed to be on the same sled together.  Derick was confused at first, not even realizing she was addressing them.  They got married in a beautiful, televised wedding.  

     Jill and Derick share their journey into implementing healthy boundaries with Jim Bob and Michelle, along with their time doing mission work in Latin America.  They share about forming their own convictions, using scripture.  Jill talks about recognizing some of Bill Gothard's teachings (particularly about authority) are wrong and unbiblical.  Years ago, I had attended IBLP's basic seminar, and the authority teaching was what I had the biggest issue with myself, so I agree with Jill.  What they convey in this book is their growth in grace (Second Peter 3:18).  They clearly love the Lord and are seeking His leading in their decisions.  Their implementing boundaries have caused family strife, and Jill is honest about these problems, including their own mistakes.  They have gotten counseling to try to work through their own issues with her family.  They talk like very healthy people who have examined themselves and made their part right.  They are actively working toward healing with Jim Bob and Michelle.  They do not speak meanly or disrespectfully about them, though they tell the truth.  

     One thing Jill said that I thought was profound was that it is harder to live a balanced Christian life than to live in legalistic extremes.  That is so true.  Sometimes, living in culty legalism (like Bill Gothard's IBLP) kind of gives a guideline, so you don't have think as much.  But walking by faith is more work, and the Dillard family is learning this.  I really enjoyed reading about their journey of faith.  I have respected Jill and Derick for a long time.  

     I am going to briefly compare this book to Jill's sister Jinger Duggar Vuolo's book, Becoming Free Indeed, which I reviewed earlier this year.  Both Jill and Jinger are using the Bible to determine what they believe, and which parts of their childhood teachings to let go of.  I commend both of them. I found I liked Jill's book better.  Jill is theologically closer to where I'm at (she and Derick are part of the same denomination Walter and I are, so there is bound to be more similarities).  Jinger is part of a church in California that I have some theological differences with, including that they don't believe God speaks to us today, or gives specific guidance in our lives.  In fact, when I used to do evangelism classes in the San Fernando Valley, people from the church Jinger is now at used to come and hassle me and theologically attack me, and I have some real problems with the pastor of this church, and I had to wrestle with some theological curve balls thrown at me.  This was a major part of my young adult life, and it is very personal to me.  For more info on that, you can look at my blog post Free Indeed, from January 31, 2023.  

     I give Jill and Derick Dillard kudos on their courage in sharing their journey.  I really think their book can give people encouragement in comparing what they believe to what the Bible actually teaches, and following God's guidance in their lives.  I give this book 5 stars!  You can order it here, and I hope you do!