Deceived

     I was recently looking for a particular worship song on YouTube.  I like to have Christian music playing as I get work done.  I couldn't recall the title, so I typed in a line from the chorus (do you ever do that?).  What popped up was a different song that had similar name to the line I had typed in.  At first, I thought maybe it was another version of the same song.  As soon as I clicked on it, I knew it was a very different song, but I wasn't disappointed.  It was one of the most beautiful songs I had ever heard.  I'll put a link to the video at the end of this post.  The song shows two young girls, presumably sisters, dressed in their Sunday best.  The older one (pictured below) is singing to her sister about Jesus, and the scene flashes to a group of children in "biblical" clothes sitting around Jesus and being loved by Him.  These children around Jesus were of various races, which made it even more attractive and engaging.  The second verse of the song goes back to the sisters, but then shows several other children, all dressed up in their Sunday best, running up to them, and they all sang together about Jesus.  It was a beautifully recorded video, and the singing was absolutely gorgeous.  I do encourage you to watch it, but there is a reason I'm saving the link until the end.  

     As I often do with a song I hear for the first time, I listened to it a few times.  As I did, something about it started to seem just a little bit off.  It still appealed to me, but something just didn't seem quite right.  The lyrics weren't technically wrong, but they weren't really rich in theological truth.  

     In this short song, there are five references to feeling or emotion, but no reference to the basis of truth.  The song is titled (and the chorus states) I know that my Savior loves me, but there is no basis given to this knowledge in the song.  Even simple children's songs about Jesus usually give some basis (IE: Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so... bold underlined emphasis mine).  For being a song about "knowing" it really gives a lot more information about feeling.  Feelings aren't bad.  They do play a part in our lives, and even in our faith.  There are times in our Christian lives when we are aware of God's love for us, and feel that connection to Him.  God ministers to our emotions.  The Psalms testify to this.  However, we know the truth because of the Bible, not because of these experiences of emotion (even if they are real, they are subjective, and not the determiner of truth).  Christian teachings, whether the lyrics to our church songs, our children's Sunday school lessons, or our pastor's sermons, usually focus more on helping people come to know the truth of God's word.  This song just seemed too focused on emotions.  The beauty of the singing and cinematography definitely got into my emotions.  

     In the second verse of the song, the beautifully-dressed children sing about learning the teachings of Jesus.  Of course we learn the teachings of Jesus, but as Christians, we usually hear more about learning the Bible as a whole (For I have not hesitated to proclaim to you the whole counsel of God. Acts 20:27).  Also, we don't just learn Jesus' teachings--we learn to know Him personally.  Just isolating Jesus' teachings without studying the rest of scripture seems more academic than truth-seeking.  Again, not wrong, just a little different than what I'd expect in a Christian song.  

     Another line in the song that started to seem off to me was Parents and teachers will help guide the way.  Again, this isn't bad or untrue.  Children need the guidance of their parents and Sunday school teachers, and encouraging this is a good thing.  It just seemed odd to have that in a song about knowing Jesus.  Most Christian leaders I know want to teach children (and adults) to know Jesus for themselves, not remain dependent on their leaders.  By itself, this line in the song wasn't wrong, it just seemed a little off.  This is especially true when I consider the very next line that follows this: Lighting my path every day.  Parents and teachers can enlighten children as they grow, but the Bible is clear that God's word, not people, are a Lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. (Psalm 119:105).  

     After it started to seem off, I looked up the producer of this video, as well as the young girl singing (who is the daughter of the producer).  They are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, or the Mormon Church.  Their beautifully-produced video seemed deeply Christian, and yet they are part of a religion whose beliefs are vastly different than biblical Christianity.  By the admission of the Mormon church's website, churchofjesuschrist.org, Latter-Day Saints do not believe the Bible to be the final, infallible word of God (and if you're familiar with their history and teachings, you know they esteem other books as being higher than the Bible).  They didn't say anywhere in this video that they were Mormon.  It would be very easy for someone to listen to this and think it was Christian, and be drawn in.  I know that a common Mormon tactic is to try to look very Christian, and even call themselves Christian.  I've seen some of my Christian friends on Facebook share a Christian-sounding meme they liked, but it was actually taken from a Mormon leader or site (but my friends in those cases clearly didn't know it, but just shared the post they liked).  I share this just to illustrate how easy it is to fall into this.  Pew Research (which I usually consider reliable) considers Mormonism to be part of Christianity, and therefore considers Utah the most Christian state in the US, due to it's high church attendance.  It is so easy to be deceived, not just by Mormonism, but many other false teachings that may look and sound very Christian!  A lie is meant to look as much like the truth as possible.  We need to be guarded.

     As I watched that video after learning of its Mormon origins, my heart broke for everyone involved in it.  They think they know Jesus.  They call Him their Savior, and claim to feel His love, and yet they are deceived.  The death and resurrection of the Jesus they sing about only atones for our sins after we have done all we can do (this is taken from the Mormon scripture of 2 Nephi 25:23--I am not recommending you read it, only referencing what I say so you know I am not pulling it out of thin air).  This changes it to a works-based gospel, regardless of how Christian and beautiful it seems.  It is my prayer that they will seek to know the biblical Jesus.  

     There is no finger-pointing at the judgment, saying "I was deceived!"  It is our own responsibility to avoid deception.  Jesus said in Matthew 24:4, Take heed that no one deceives you.  It is our job to be wise, aware, and grounded in the truth.  Jesus said in John 8:32, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.  Jeremiah 29:13 promises, You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.  Seek the truth, and follow it.  How?  Jesus said in John 14:6 that He is the truth.  Knowing Jesus is the key.  We come to know Him by reading what He has said about Himself in the Bible.  God's word is our anchor.  We need to be reading it diligently on our own.  We need to meditate on it (Psalm 1:2), and hiding it in our hearts (Joshua 1:8, Psalm 119:11).  We need to be studying it with other believers, being accountable to them and holding them accountable.  We need to be sitting under solid Bible-teaching.  We must always remember, though, that we are directly accountable to God ourselves.  As Christians, we have the Holy Spirit inside of us, and He guides us into all truth (John 16:13).  We should have good Christian leaders, but we are directly answerable to God, not them.  They are not perfect or infallible.  No leader deserves your allegiance at all cost--except Jesus Himself.  We need to surround ourselves with things that enforce our faith.  If something seems off, line it up with the Bible.  Talk to other believers you trust and gauge their responses.  

     Don't be taken in by the cheap imitations.  Go for the real thing!  

The link to the beautiful song I mentioned (which, if you take it at face value, you can enjoy from a Christian point of view) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDyx2kayhGQ

Dying to Self

      What could I say or do?  What can I ever say or do?  I think the problem might be me.  Something wrong and dark inside my soul that I didn't know was there.  But what's really wrong with me?  All I try to do every day is die to self for the sake of God and others.  But it doesn't change anything.  -Taken from my journal, summer of 2000 while on a mission trip to Africa.

Children we taught in a Bible Club in Luanshya, Zambia, summer of 2000

     The above is taken from my journal from the hardest summer of my life.  I have alluded to this summer many times, in many posts.  What made it so difficult was that I expected it to be the best summer I ever had, and it turned out to be the opposite of what I hoped and dreamed.  Hope deferred makes the heart sick... Proverbs 13:12.  

     The mission trip had started at mission headquarters in the Midwest.  There had been twenty-nine of us young adults, going to eleven different nations.  I had expected to make the best friends of my life at training.  I figured we'd all be likeminded, wanting to serve the Lord.  I was considering going into career missions, and knew that it would be wonderful fellowship with other people my age who were making the same decisions about life.  Unfortunately, training ended up being the first disappointment of the summer.  I experienced some sexual harassment from a young man there (going to a different country than me).  I had initially been interested, but he came on way too strong in several ways, culminating in an embarrassing advance the last night before we flew out to our countries.  That left me in so much confusion.  After I rejected his advances that night, he acted extremely hurt and ashamed, and wouldn't even look at me after that, which was hard, because if he hadn't been so extreme, I would have been very interested in a relationship.  I was very shaken up by this.  Other students acted like it was all my fault, that this guy was just nice and sweet, and I had misread him.  It made me question and doubt myself, and feel crazy.  It seemed like this guy and those around us thought my only purpose was to bring him pleasure, as if I had no needs or worth of my own apart from that.  That made me feel sick to my stomach.  

Our team doing a Bible Club in the United States during training prior to leaving for Zambia. I covered my teammates faces.  I am in the middle, with the curly auburn hair, which I had cut short for the trip.

     But then, my team left for Zambia. 

     There were four of us on the Zambia team.  Rachel* and Mary* (names changed) were sweet, and really were there to serve the Lord.  Kelsie* was another story.  A few months before the trip, we had gotten each other's contact info, and I had written to each of them.  I had really hit it off with Rachel and Mary, but Kelsie's letters had been a little harder to relate to.  One of the things she shared in a letter was that her favorite hobby was pulling pranks on people.  I was not yet ready to accept that I would be spending my summer with someone who had no boundaries, and to whom nothing was sacred, so I told myself that surely, when she said she liked to pull pranks, she was talking about whoopee cushions and joy buzzers, and silly things like that.  In the back of my mind, I knew it wouldn't be that innocuous, but I just wasn't open to seeing the possibilities of what Kelsie could be.  

     Not only did Kelsie make the situation with the inappropriate young man much worse by spreading rumors and obnoxious teasing, but she crossed any conceivable boundary that could have existed between us.  She nagged incessantly, and destroyed a pair of my shoes.  She disagreed with every statement I made, and self-righteously preached at me.  Disagreeing with her in any way was costly.  The price of doing something the way I wanted (as opposed to the way she ordered me to do it), setting down a boundary, or asking her to stop doing something rude to me was humiliation, and a lot of trouble.  When she didn't like the Bible verses I used in my teaching, she would move the bookmarks in my Bible.  

     One time, while in Africa, she didn't like the way I was peeling potatoes, and she started ordering me to do it some other way that she felt it should be done.  I told her that if it was important to her, maybe she should do it.  She told me, and I quote, "No!  I want you to do it, but I want you do it the way I say!"  No subtlety.  I was annoyed, and I stood up to meet her gaze.  "Look," I said, but before I could say another word, she screamed at the top of her lungs and ran out of the room.  I was furious and just left.  In my rage, I ran around the small Zambian town all afternoon, blowing off steam (and getting quite a workout).  In the craziness of my emotions, I had completely irrational thoughts of running home to America!  In a slightly calmer moment, I remembered that then-President Clinton was in Zambia, meeting with the Zambian President Frederick Chiluba.  Maybe he could take me home on Air Force 1!  As I say, I was only slightly calmer when I thought that.  The end of that story was, I finally returned to our host house, and found out that Kelsie was claiming to be scared I was going to physically assault her with the butter knife I was using the peel the potato.  Ri-i-i-i-ight!  

The house we stayed in while serving in Zambia.  This was a duplex, and we stayed in one half with our host family.  Another missionary family stayed in the other side.

     All summer was filled with Kelsie sabotaging and attacking every word I said.  I couldn't engage in pleasant conversation with others, because she would find something to pounce on, in even the most basic statements.  It got to the point that I never spoke when I wasn't doing the ministry.  I was silent while we were all together in the evening.  Sometimes I would pretend to be asleep in our room so she would have to leave me alone.  It was my only escape.

     She once made a false statement about my home state.  I simply told her that her statement was incorrect.  She started screaming bloody murder again, and our host family came running.  As soon as they were there, she burst into tears and exclaimed how I was accusing her of lying.  She played the part of a hurt and misunderstood little girl, and our hosts totally bought it.  They hugged her and told her she needed to forgive me) and I can tell you I never wanted to commit murder more in my life than I did at that moment).  

An AWANA club we taught while there.  These children were precious, and made all the hardships that summer worth it.

     So, getting back to the journal entry I started with, what had just happened before I wrote it?  We were walking through town to our Bible Club.  We passed a beautiful stone building that looked like a church.  I asked our interpreter about it, and she told me it belonged to a group that mixed Christianity with animistic beliefs.  I said, "It's too bad that beautiful church isn't being used for the truth," or something along those lines.  Kelsie couldn't let that go, and went into a rebuking sermon about how those people probably loved Jesus and I was just passing judgment on them, blah, blah, blah.  It wasn't worth it to say anything.  But no one stopped her tirades against me, which was why I had to give up speaking.  

    I once heard a psychologist say that every human being has a certain number of words they need to say every day, and if they don't get the right amount of words said, they feel that sense of needing to get it out, and if they are required to speak more than their allotted number, they become drained.  I've experienced both extremes in my life, but that summer, I definitely struggled with not being able to talk enough.  I took to journaling all the time, and Kelsie couldn't leave that alone either.  She would follow me and say that I was addicted to writing, and ask me, "Are you at your writer's anonymous meeting?" 

Monkeys who stole our lunch!

Victoria Falls (on the Zambia and Zimbabwe border)

The bridge connecting Zambia (at the left) to Zimbabwe (right)

     One particular day, while we were walking in another nearby city, two men ran out to us and grabbed me.  They publicly molested me right there in broad daylight, feeling my body, putting their hands where they didn't belong.  I screamed and kicked, trying to get them off of me.  Kelsie just laughed and took pictures.  If I ever run for President or something, those pictures will probably come out of the woodwork and appear in some tabloid somewhere.  Our host came up and started shouting at them in Bemba, and they dropped me and ran.  I was physically shaking, and Kelsie asserted,  "They went for Janelle because she has the most fear!"  That was another moment when murder didn't seem far-fetched to me.  I was given no time to cope with this.  I was physically shaking and terrified, as well as humiliated.  While I hadn't been raped, I am sure that was their intent, and the beginnings of that had happened.  I had been violated.  And Kelsie thought it was funny.  In case I didn't emphasize this, she was a really terrible person.  I was expected to just go on as if nothing unusual had happened.  I had to teach a Bible Club minutes after being accosted (possibly almost kidnapped and raped) on the street.  

     The times I really stood my ground with Kelsie and tried to get my power back, she made such terrible fusses that everyone blamed me for making her mad.  Her sin was my fault.  

     So what did I do about this?  From my journal entry, it is clear that I felt I couldn't do much,  I felt like a prisoner of war, and that is almost accurate.  I was stuck in a third-world country with no means of communication with those who loved me other than airmail (which took three weeks).  Our time commitment in Zambia was six long weeks, and when that time was just starting, I really felt trapped, as if the weeks just stretched on into forever.  Like many POW's in movies, I made a tally mark every day, because doing it made me feel like I was getting closer to being home.   During that time, I had an unusual ability I no longer have.  I was able to separate my mind from the horrors of the moment, and instead turn on happy memories from my life and relive them as if they were really happening, or playing favorite movies in my mind as if I were really watching them.  It seemed so real.  I "watched" The Sound of Music a lot that summer.  It showed me that these things made their way into my memory, because I really don't believe I could quote a whole movie, but it was all stored away when I needed it.

     In all of this, I also felt like I had to die to self.  If I did all the right things, this problem would stop happening to me.  If I was so sanctified in the Lord, I wouldn't feel the pain.  I would just let her abuse me without feeling it anymore.  Jesus suffered the abuse of those who crucified Him.  If I was called to follow Him, I should be just like Him.  Meek and loving in the face of evil.  But since I didn't feel loving toward Kelsie, it proved I needed to die to self more, right?  WRONG!

     So many things we say and believe are inaccurately applied.  Pastor and author Andrew Farley explains what this teaching really means.  The phrase "die to self" is nonexistent in any New Testament letter...You're not going to find that expression in Matthew, Mark or Luke or John, or any of the epistles or in the entirety of the Bible in fact.  The phrase "die to self" is nonexistent.  The closest thing to that is that your old self died, and we find that in Romans 6.  Your old self died and was buried, and your new self was raised in newness of life through the co-crucifiction, co-burial and co-resurrection with Christ that you experienced at salvation.  That's why the prhase "die to self" isn't going to be found in any New Testament letter.  Paul isn't going to tell you to kill yourself spiritually because he knows you're the new self and he doesn't want you to kill the new self.  And Peter, James and John are not going to say it either, because they know you are a new creation and you don't need to kill yourself if you're the new self.  

     According to this teaching, I didn't need to die to self more while I was on that trip.  I didn't need to let that new creation person that I was (am) become less that what I was meant to be.  It wasn't God's plan for me to stop feeling the sting of pain from what was happening.  It wasn't God's will for Kelsie to sin so colossally against not only me but our whole team.  Letting her sin wasn't fulfilling any spiritual calling.  

     But wait, didn't Jesus say to deny yourself, take up your cross and follow Him in Matthew 16:24? Yes He did, but denying oneself isn't the same as dying to self.  Even so, Andrew Farley addresses that as well.  He makes the argument that denial of self also happened at our salvation.  Christ's righteous keeping of the law was placed on us, and our sin was put on the cross of Christ.  Positionally, we are perfect in Him, and don't need to "die" to self.  We are to thrive as the person He crated us to be.  Farley says that Jesus' words in Matthew 16:24 about denying oneself are evangelistic to unbelievers, not a command to Christians. Farley says, Don't deny yourself.  Be yourself.  God says you're a new creation. You've died with Jesus.  You're spiritually awesome!  You're the new self!  Don't deny that!  He goes on to say that you are not your own opponent.  The battle is against the unrenewed mindsets and old perspectives, but as Christians, we are not those things.  He references Galatians 2:20, I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith in the Son of God, who loved me, and gave Himself for me.  In other words, don't be down on yourself.  Jesus has saved you!  You have died to sin and are alive to Christ!  Farley points out that the unsaved people out in the world primarily see themselves as good people, and they are wrong.  But he adds that Christians often see themselves as so bad, and they are also wrong.  The battle has already been won, and the victory is ours! (I'll leave the link Andrew Farley's blog below).

     What an encouragement.  I wish so badly I had known that during my summer in Zambia.  I wish I hadn't been so down on myself for other people's sin (though I had a lot of help being down on myself, since everyone else blamed me too).  Being that much more like Jesus wouldn't have made Kelsie turn into a better person toward me.  She needed to be renewed.  She needed to be claiming that new self she purported to be, and fighting in her battle against unrenewed mindsets and old perspectives.  The same is true with the young man who had harassed me back at training.  He needed to demonstrate that new self he claimed to be.  I didn't cause either of them to sin.  I was there to serve the Lord, and I did!  I was able to lead many children to Christ that summer.  Likewise my alleged fear (as Kelsie claimed) wasn't what made those two men molest me on the streets.  It was their sin.  They likely were not the new self at all, so they have a much bigger problem.  I didn't cause any of this.  I didn't need to die more.  I needed to live!  

     I will also make a point about Jesus' surrendering Himself to death.  He didn't just allow sin and abuse.  Quite often in his earthly ministry, He spoke boldly against that.  In the crucifiction, He laid down His life for us.  That was His goal and objective, and He was completely successful.  He forgave his killers, but He didn't invest in them or try to become their friends after His resurrection.  We are never taught in scripture to become good friends with our enemies.  We are told to love them (Luke 6:27), and leave revenge up to God (Romans 12:19), but never to throw out our human dignity trying to befriend them.  Allowing people to sin unchecked isn't being loving.  Avoiding confrontations in order to keep from offending the offender is not godly or spiritual.  If Kelsie couldn't handle being asked to stop overstepping bounds, she wasn't mature enough to be on a mission trip of that caliber.  She didn't care about people.  She cared about being in control.  Our host family were not discerning enough to know the truth of what was going on.  My other teammates were too uncomfortable to help me stand up to her, though Mary did try to help, and I know God will reward her for it.  

     God works all things for good, and I know I grew immensely in the Lord that summer, because He was literally all I had.  I also did some of my best writing during that time, and most of my fiction came from what was developed there.  

     This well-intentioned but false teaching of dying to self has many "cousin" teachings, such as the idea of giving preference to others.  This teaching is found in Romans 12:10 (the New King James uses the words ...giving preference to one another.).  I have seen this one used to allow abusive people to continue in their sin, but that is not what this verse is teaching.  Paul is writing to Christian people, and urging all of them to unselfishly think of others.  If everyone does that, it will be great!  If one person does it, but someone else is abusive, but then uses that verse to manipulate their victim to keep allowing it, that is way beyond anything scripture teaches.  Another teaching is to examine yourself.  Yes, we should examine ourselves, but every time a person wrongs us, it doesn't mean we someone did wrong and need to repent.  We should always be open to the Holy Spirit's conviction.  David wrote in Psalm 139:23-24, Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.  This reveals an openness to God's speaking to us about ourselves.  But again, everyone should do it, not just the victim of someone else's abuse.  The abuser should be doing the same, and accepting the conviction of the Holy Spirit.  Always having to be right and never admitting to being wrong is a sign of real weakness, not strength.  Telling someone to examine himself or herself is often used as a smokescreen to get attention away from the real wrongdoer.  I find joy and solace when the Holy Spirit really does speak to me, gently prodding me to make something right, because it means He is at work in me.  That is a great comfort.  

     If you are a Christian, don't die!  Live!  Live in the victory Christ won for you!  It's yours today!  

     

Andrew Farley's blog: https://andrewfarley.org/highlights/must-you-die-to-self-every-day/?utm_campaign=2306&utm_medium=email&utm_source=mailchimp&utm_content=radiohighlight

Shiny Happy People

      I can't say I have ever been part of a cult, or a seriously high-control group, but even good groups can get a bad leader.  I think high control situations are fascinating, because we can all relate to them in different ways.  Maybe you were part of a real cult.  Or maybe you were part of a group of friends on the playground, with one stronger personality calling all the shots.  Or maybe you were in something between these two extremes.  But I think we all relate to the elements of high-control groups.  Thinking for oneself is so vital, because even intelligent people can be swayed and taken in.  

     I have watched the new docuseries on Amazon Prime, Shiny Happy People.  This four-part story covers the organization known as the Institute of Basic Life Principles (IBLP), founded by now-disgraced leader Bill Gothard.  I have mentioned this organization before.  I have never been a part of it, thankfully.  And yet some aspects of control they exert would seem familiar to anyone who has been in a manipulative, controlling situation.  

     This docuseries appears to be about the famous (now infamous) Duggar family, but is really about the organization that influenced them, and their rise to fame.  One person in the docuseries referred to the Duggar's TV show as PR for Bill Gothard's agenda.  The Duggars made it onto a popular reality show in the late 2000's and early 2010's by being a mega family with homespun wit and attractive quirkiness.  But this documentary alleges (and history has demonstrated) that something more sinister was beneath the smiles, and this involves all of the IBLP, not just the Duggar family.  The Duggar's daughter, Jill Duggar Dillard and her husband Derek are major players in this docuserires.  They share a lot.  At the opening of the first episode, seated on a couch beside her supportive husband, Jill says, "There's a story that's going to be told, and I'd rather be the one telling it."   I feel that sharing one's story is a key element in this.

Derek and Jill Dillard

     "The IBLP teachings are not Christianity.  They're something entirely different," Former IBLP follower Brooke Arnold shares.  She and several former IBLP adherents are interviewed, and their stories are shared.  One of the quotes I found interesting was: "Gothard turned every father into a cult leader, and every home into an island."  Another was, "The Institute raises little predators."  These former followers are in different stages and walks of life now.  They are determining what they actually believe now, and where they stand.  

     I didn't watch 17 Kids and Counting while it was originally on (or any of its name versions, as more children were added to the family), but I was aware of the impact this program had over the way Christianity was perceived.  The Duggars were defining what it meant to be Christian, Conservative, Baptist, and home-schooled on their terms (interestingly, I am all of these things myself--Christian, Conservative, Baptist, and I was home-schooled), and my life and convictions are very different than theirs on several counts.  

     The hard thing for me was when I would hear people disagree with them over the years, but say things like, "Those idiots!  This family actually believes Jesus died on the cross!  What morons!"  Well, that makes me a moron too (I say that facetiously, because I obviously don't think believing in Jesus is moronic).  Nobody said anything like that about them on the docuseries.  That was why I appreciated Brooke Arnold's comment that the IBLP teachings are not Christianity.  It's about time that was stated publicly.  I would definitely agree with the Duggars on the fundamentals of the faith, but beyond that, I have some real differences.  But because they showed their brand of Christianity (which, sadly, is more about lifestyle than Jesus), people equated Christ with their unusual convictions.  Even on this docuseries, when trying to make some points about how conspiracy-theory-oriented they were, it showed them espousing belief in Creationism, which is one of those things I agree with them on (see my January 5, 2023 post It couldn't Just Happen in which I give a lot of scientific reasons to believe in Creationism).  I hate when weirdos give the rest of us who take the Bible literally a bad name.  Side note, in my early 20's, a Christian man in my hometown proposed marriage to me, but I turned him down, as he believed in Darwinian Evolution, and believed it was compatible with the Bible.  That was a non-negotiable to me.  

     I was aware of the Duggar's influence, but I became a lot more familiar with them in 2015, when their oldest son Josh was exposed for some of his past misdeeds.

     By way of brief explanation, the IBLP was founded by Bill Gothard in 1961.  He did what was called the Basic Seminar, which introduced people to the principles he advocated.  The organization included more conferences and seminars, and grew to include a home-schooling program called the Advanced Training Institute (or ATI for short).  Gothard exerted a lot of control over the lives of his followers, telling them how they were allowed to dress, behave, and pattern their lives.  The teachings on authority were controversial at best, evil at worst.  The IBLP has been described by some as a cult.  ATI no longer exists as a home-school program, but their books are being sold just as a regular study for anyone who wants them.

     Through the four episodes of Shiny Happy People, the viewer is introduced to the world of IBLP, and the perversion it represented to a lot of people.  Bill Gothard taught his followers that if they followed his principles, God would bless them, which is a form of the prosperity gospel.  The ATI homeschool curriculum really didn't teach much at all, though Bill Gothard claimed it was equivalent to a pre-law or pre-med degree.  He taught his people to follow him so much that no one said anything when he broke his own rules, and molested young women.  It was clear he had a "type" he found particularly attractive, and he gave these young women special privileges working with him at headquarters.  He felt long curly hair was the best, and one of the former followers shared that Bill Gothard once pulled her aside and told her that her hair wasn't Christlike enough.  Can you even imagine?  Women were supposed to submit to men, and very strong gender roles were enforced.  I knew all of this about the IBLP, but what I didn't realize was the reason for this.     

     I discovered from this documentary that the goal of Bill Gothard and the IBLP is ultimately world domination.  That sounds so bizarre.  Gothard and his people subscribe to a belief known as dominionism.  This is the view that Christians can conquer the world through having many children and raising these children to be a big influence in society (strong emphasis in running for public office).  They use Psalm 127:5 as a so-called proof text for having large families for this purpose: Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.  Like much of the other teachings I've heard from Bill Gothard (I have limited experience), he took an obscure verse way out of context to create a whole teaching that doesn't line up with the rest of scripture.  Anyone who reads the Bible with an open heart to learn will see that creation fell in Genesis 3, and will only be made right again when Jesus returns to restore all things (Revelation 21).  Trying to take over the world for God now is futility.  This is not to say Christians shouldn't run for office or have an influence in the world.  I believe we should.  Jesus said we are the salt of the earth and light of the world (Matthew 5:13-14).  Our presence (and the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit in believers) probably keeps things from being much worse.  We are to do as God calls us each to do, to play our part on the stage of history.  We just shouldn't expect to usher in a prefect world.  Only Jesus can do that, and He will one day (without our help).  Until then, our goal should be to serve others, with the hopes of bringing them to Jesus Christ (not to promote an agenda, but so they might be saved, out of love for them).  

     As far as IBLP goes, my experiences have mostly been second-hand.  My parents attended Bill Gothard's Basic Seminar when he was presenting in Los Angeles (our home area).  I wasn't born yet.  I'm told that my parents found some things they agreed with and other things they didn't.  They just chalked it up to something interesting they attended, and moved on with their lives.  I didn't grow up under the influence of Bill Gothard.  In fact, I didn't even know his name until I was in my later teens.  I was raised to take things in with both eyes open.  I was encouraged to think for myself, and that it was okay to like what someone had to say, but still disagree with aspects of it.  In other words, I wasn't raised to follow leaders at all cost, the way Bill Gothard's followers did. 

     When I was a teenager, some of our very good friends got into the IBLP.  They became very strict compared to the rest of us.  They stopped believing in Sunday school, because, as they put it, they considered it harmful for children to be separated from their parents at church.  That seemed very odd to me, because at one time, the parents of this family had been my Sunday school teachers and AWANA leaders.  They got into what they called "biblical courtship," which confused me, because as far as I knew, the Bible didn't address courtship.  There were some romance stories in the Bible, such as Isaac and Rebekah, or Ruth and Boaz, but as I understood it (and still understand it), these stories didn't teach a step-by-step method on how God wants us to have our relationships develop, but instead, taught us to trust in God, and follow His leading for us (which might look different than His leading for someone else).  This family experienced a lot of heartache as a result of going this direction.

     When I was in my mid-20's, I was mentoring a younger woman who wanted to go into the ministry organization I served in.  I encouraged her to go to the training for our organization, which she did.  But she needed a place to land after training--a place to start out her ministry and do an internship.  I made some calls, and discovered there was an opening for her in another state (I'm going to be vague on the details to protect everyone's privacy).  We coordinated that she would serve for a year and a half in this other state, and then see where God led from there.  She would work directly under a young man not much older than herself (younger than me at the time, in fact).  While talking with him in helping set up this internship, I heard more about the IBLP and things associated with it.  This young man was part of the IBLP while simultaneously being part of our organization (which has nothing to do with IBLP whatsoever!).  At that time, I wasn't even sure this was the same thing my old friends had gotten mixed up in.  During this young woman's time interning under this IBLP-associated young leader, she would call me in tears at times.  She always tried to be humble and modest in her clothing (which basically means she dressed tastefully for the situation).  But according to her mentor, she was "defrauding" him.  She was shocked by this accusation.  She knew the word defraud meant to deceive, and she had no idea how she was deceiving him.  We would later learn that in IBLP, defraud means something very different than it does to most English-speakers.  In IBLP's definition, it means to arouse desires that couldn't be righteously fulfilled.  That horrified my young friend that this guy was basically telling her he was lusting after her, and it was apparently her fault.  She was made to wear clothes several sizes too big so her female shape was completely hidden.  She was not allowed to wear pants, because, according to what she was told, the space between a woman's legs when she wore pants was the shape of an arrow pointing up her crotch.  Eeew!  Yuck!  Whoever even thought of that had to be a real sicko!  If that is true, it's true for men as well as women, so maybe men should wear dresses too (I say that facetiously).  

     When I was twenty-six, I was invited to a small group that would be watching the videos of Bill Gothard's Basic Seminar.  I figured, "Why not?"  Like my parents before me, I found a few practical nuggets, but disagreed with a lot.  The session that had our group the most upset was the one about music.  Bill Gothard made a lot of assertions about music awakening the flesh, and being demonic, etc.  Several in our group were very offended by this, because they liked Christian rock, and felt Bill Gothard was being very extreme.  I didn't mind that aspect quite as much, although I didn't think he was right.  It just didn't hit a nerve with me.  I can take or leave rock music.  But what upset me much more was that he made assertions that single women had to live with their parents until they got married.  I was twenty-six, still single, a college-graduate, a working professional, and a homeowner.  He had no biblical reasoning behind saying this, other than a flimsy excuse I've shared on here before: If Rachel and Leah had gotten an apartment somewhere, they would never have met Jacob.  That is very poor hermeneutics.  The Bible doesn't teach what he was trying to make it say.  This is just like this teaching about having as many children as possible for world domination.  But these examples are it for me as far as my experience with the IBLP.  Bill Gothard looks for weird, obscure teachings, rather than focusing on what the entirety of scripture says.  

     Gothard's sexual problems trickled down into his organization.  There were many, many stories of spousal and child abuse in IBLP families.  Their whole system was set up so victims would be submissive to the point that they would never complain about abuse.  Several teachings silenced victims.  One of them was that, if a woman was attacked and she didn't scream out while the abuse was happening, she was just as guilty as her attacker, and it was her own fault it happened.  This kept Gothard above accountability, since none of his victims screamed out when he came onto them.  They were shocked and afraid, and they respected him too much to scream in the moment.  Having this rule in place would make it their fault if they ever reported him later.

     As for Josh Duggar and his sickening crimes (not only had he molested his sisters and cheated on his wife, but he was more recently found guilty of possessing child porn, and is in a federal prison), he was really not much different from Bill Gothard.  Some of the Duggars' former friends, the Holt family, were on the documentary, and they shared how their daughter had originally been Josh's first choice in a wife.  They had been courting as teenagers, but after he molested his sisters, the Duggars told the Holts about it because they viewed it as Josh "cheating" on his future wife.  When pressed by Jim Holt, Jim-Bob Duggar admitted that they had used the Holts' daughter "as a carrot" to correct his son's behavior, as he was going to have him come forward with his behavior after they were married.  I find that sickening.  The Duggars wouldn't allow the Holts to use the word "molest" in reference to what Josh had done.  

Bill Gothard

     In this whole organization, so many people were afraid to speak up for a long time.  Now, there is a website for those wounded by Bill Gothard or the IBLP to share.  It's called Recovering Grace.  Likewise, Jill Duggar Dillard was afraid to share her story, because of the pressure from her family.  After her brother's abuse came out, she was required by her parents (even though she was a married woman by then) to go on TV and defend Josh in an interview with Megyn Kelly.  She deeply regrets this now, and even talking about it was a real struggle for her.  She and Derek shared about how they never received money from their time being on the show, and how her parents manipulated them and cheated them (even when they were relying on a food bank for survival).  When they finally took a stand, they became at odds with the family.  They have grown a lot, and they are coming out with a memoir next year, entitled Counting the Cost.  I really look forward to reading it and sharing their story.  

     Evil must be exposed.  False doctrine must be exposed.  People must speak up and share their story.  I have never been part of a crazy group like the IBLP.  I had a very "normal" childhood (everyone probably thinks that about how they were brought up).  I lived in a suburban neighborhood where we rode our bikes with neighbor friends in the afternoons and on Saturdays.  We had a big playground in our backyard, and all the kids liked to come to our house.  My mom taught a weekly Bible Club in our garage, and all the kids came for that.  I babysat younger kids in town as I got older.  We were home-schooled, but not like the IBLP.  My mother was a credentialed public school teacher.  While teaching in the 70's, she felt that the public school system was very one-sided in the worldview it was promoting.  See, it's easy to say that IBLP brainwashes its people, and yet any group with a specific worldview could do that.  My mom didn't want us to be brainwashed.  She wanted us to think for ourselves.  We used a curriculum many Christian schools use, but there were times we didn't agree with everything in it.  We were taught how to think, rather than what to think.  We grew up watching the regular TV shows most of our friends watched, but we sometimes discussed a show afterwards, if it led to a deeper conversation.  I had a boyfriend in the youth group in junior high (which I now consider silly and stupid, but it was part of growing up).  When I graduated from high school, I went to community college, and then chose to go to Bible college and get my BA in biblical studies.  I entered the workforce at 17.  In all of this, I felt like I had a "normal" life.  

     In spite of this "normal" life, I experienced some spiritual abuse at church as a young teenager.  A few years later as a young adult, I was molested on a mission trip.  In both of these instances, I was pressured into silence, and I didn't talk about either of these things for years and years, until I almost exploded one day.  I now share my story.  Unlike the people in this docuserires, I don't usually name these people.  Even so, I have had people become angry and tell me I have no right to talk about it without the other person there to defend themselves.  This is ridiculous.  When Corrie ten Boom wrote The Hiding Place, she didn't round up all the Nazis who had tortured her and let them share their side.  It is never my goal to hurt anyone.  It is my goal to speak the truth.  The truth sets us free (John 8:32).  I can relate to those who were hurt by the IBLP, in the sense that it takes a lot of processing before you can really share aloud.  It's easy to say, "Am I crazy here?" even when something is happening.  This is even more the case when other people in the situation are defending the one who is causing the harm.  Sometimes, the person who harms can also be someone who did something very beneficial for others, and the contradiction makes you feel crazy, or even guilty.  

     Don't be afraid to share your story.  Jesus is the Truth (John 14:6) and He offers you relief.  Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.  Matthew 11:28-30.  The truth might crack a facade of what was once considered a godly work, but it can never bring down the Gospel, or the truth of Jesus.  If something can be brought down by truth, it deserves to be brought down.  If anything can be gleaned from this docuseries, that is what I considered the takeaway.  Don't just be "shiny, happy people," hiding abuse and mistreatment.  Speak the truth.  Share your story.  Let Jesus carry you!