"My Daddy wants you dead," the innocent kindergartner told me, wide-eyed. How had I gotten myself into this? It had been a successful week of ministry, with sixteen professions of faith in Christ. I didn't need this! Even in that moment, though, I knew this man wasn't my enemy. The real enemy is Satan ( Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour. -First Peter 5:8). Sometimes it's easy to forget who we're really fighting, because we can't see him, but we can see the problems he creates.
Why did this child's father want me dead? As we have worked with a particular partner church, a family came to the Lord--except the husband/father. The mother, who had been saved as a teenager, has come back to her "First Love" of Jesus (see Revelation 2:4-5). All the children have come to Christ. Our little boy, Tommy, has loved doing play dates with these children. The problem was, the father was not on board. He has fought the church's efforts in the community. He is a deeply troubled man. In one instance, after he made some threats, I took his wife and kids to a safe place, and called the police on him. He was furious with me (instead of being furious with himself for causing all of this with his ungodly behavior toward his family), and has refused to forgive me for this. Instead of recognizing his own sin and need of a Savior, he is always on a witch hung toward anybody who dares to oppose his sinful (and sometimes illegal) behavior.
Not enjoying having my life threatened, I told this precious woman that I would always be her friend, but I was unwilling to come to her home as long as her husband made these threats. I made sure the pastor of the partner church knew as well (he himself has called the police on this man multiple times).
Well, during recent Vacation Bible School, this man showed up at the VBS, completely intoxicated on drugs. He attempted to steal a car, and the pastor had to stop him. Tommy saw him and yelled out, "Mama! Look! _______'s Daddy is mean!" I didn't coach him to say that this man is mean. He has picked up on that. The day after this, this man sent me a very mean and angry email, even though I had not interacted with him at all over his unwanted appearances at VBS.
First, I ask that you pray for this man's salvation. He is hard-hearted, and I believe that the only way he will come to Christ is to experience some legal comeuppance for his sins, and be truly faced with his need, and take real responsibility for his sin, and then be willing to embrace Jesus' sacrifice and forgiveness. If you need a name to pray for, call him John--God will know who you're praying for. Pray for John's wife and children. Pray for wisdom for the pastor of this church, and for us in our dealings with all of them. As a mandatory reporter, I am legally obligated to call the authorities when I am led to concern for their safety, and I have, and do, and will.
My biggest concern is something the wife told me about her husband's threats. She assured me, "Oh, he says stuff like that, but he doesn't mean it. He would never really do it. He says it all the time, but he's never killed anyone. He just wouldn't do that. He has a good heart." As a recipient of his ill intentions, I find little comfort in that. This precious woman is inadvertently excusing and enabling his treats to continue. Maybe she is okay with having threats, but I am not. No one should be. I told her that the law doesn't really distinguish between an idle threat and a real one. There are certain discrepancies between the two, in cases where a reasonable person would know the person was in jest, but the types of threats this man makes are not in that category. This was eye-opening to me just how much this sweet lady excuses and allows evil behavior, not having any idea. And then it made me realize how much we all do this at times. It is not possible for someone to threaten others and still have a "good heart." Luke 6:45 states that, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. What is coming out of people's mouths? What is coming out of my mouth? Your mouth? That is the real revelation of what is in the heart.
This all led me to another thought. How many times do we try to placate and excuse people in sin at the expense of the innocent? Years ago, I heard someone calling into a radio advice hotline and sharing a story that went something like this: "My uncle lives with us, and I found out he's abusing my 5-year-old, but I'm afraid it will hurt his feelings if I confront him." This is sickening that the caller was more concerned about hurting the abuser's feelings that protecting an innocent child. And as for John's family, they spend all their time rallying around this man, trying to placate him and keep him happy, not taking into account everyone in the family and community he is affecting. 100% of the time, I will remove myself from abuse, without regard to how it makes the abuser feel. I don't wish to counter-abuse, or harm them, but I am responsible for me, and the abuser is responsible for himself. If he doesn't want people to avoid him, and wants people to like being around him, he needs to treat people as such. No one is required to enjoy abuse. No one is required to tolerate mistreatment. Those who do tolerate it fail to see their value before the Lord. God didn't create anyone for abuse or threats.
This is what God says about you and me.
He loves us. Jeremiah 31:3 says, I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.
Nothing can separate us from His love. Romans 8:38-39 says, For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
God is always working for the good of His people. Romans 8:28 (ten verses earlier than the last passage) says, And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
God never forsakes us. Hebrews 13:5b says, I will never leave you nor forsake you.
If God loves us that much, and is working for our good, and is that committed to us, should we be subjecting ourselves to abuse? Some might argue, "Well, Jesus did." Yes, He did. Once time for all eternity, Jesus allowed Himself to be arrested, mistreated, and killed. He didn't want it. He begged to be spared if it were possible, but He knew it was the only way for us to be saved. He conquered it all by rising again. He never meant for us to just suffer needlessly at the hands of people who take advantage of these teachings and use spiritual-sounding language to excuse their sin. We will suffer sometimes. But we are not supposed to glory in abuse and just allow it as our "cross to bear." Other than Jesus' atonement for our sins, He never allowed that kind of mistreatment. Many times in the Gospels, the Pharisees wanted to kill him, but He did not allow it until it was time. He put down a lot of personal boundaries by making Himself unaccessible at times, or going to a certain place where people could choose to meet with Him. After Jesus, the apostles didn't just allow their enemies to harm them either. Paul was sneaked out of the city in a basket (Acts 9:25). Later, he used his Roman citizenship to get him out of abusive situations (Acts 16:37-40, Acts 25:9-11).
There is room for forgiveness, love and restoration. I know everyone says and does things they wish they didn't sometimes. Paul lamented this in Romans 7:15-20. We need to give each other grace. But there are lines, and when someone like John is crossing those lines, harming the community, and hurting others, that person needs to be brought to account, and the victims of their sin need to be safe and ministered to. I heard a recent testimony of Cindy Clemishire, who was abused by pastor Robert Morris throughout her junior high and high school years in the 80's (I'll put the link to this Christian testimony below). She shares that, as this story has recently come out, everyone has been worried about this pastor being restored, and yet not one person has tried to see if she has experienced restoration in her heart and soul. This needs to change. While we need to love and help those caught in sin, we need to doubly love and help those who have been hurt by this sin. My concern is that Christians are choosing the harm their abusers inflict over the love God has for them.
After months of difficulty with John, and then having him try to ruin our VBS and send me a hateful messsage, and I was at the end of my rope. I felt the Lord leading me to let Him minister to me. I needed some time to decompress from dealing with this. Not only did John's hateful tactics take a lot out of me, but I was reminded of other times hurtful people tried to insert their abuse on me, especially on some past mission trips. We forgive and move on in victory, and yet at times, they come back to us, and we need God's ministry to us all over. Since last week, I have had vivid dreams about past hurtful things. I needed some ministry to my heart, and God knew. I took a drive out into the countryside. Arkansas is beautiful, and I felt restored. One church we partner with is out in the forest, and they keep it unlocked at all times so that people in the community can come in and pray whenever they need, so that is what I did. I prayed in this beautiful church is the woods. And as I did, I was reminded of God's victory. That's another promise to believers. First Corinthians 15:57 says, but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. We have His victory over evil people and behavior. We have His forgiveness. We have His plans for our lives. Move forward in victory.
Cindy's testimony on "The Beat with Allen Parr:" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOHr69429L4
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