From the Ashes

 Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.  John 12:24

     Have you ever had a dream that died?  Something so strongly on your heart, and it broke your heart that it didn't come true?  Sometimes, broken dreams are the things God's plans are made of! 

     Some of the biggest hurts in my life were church hurts.  I could tell a lot of stories I won't go into right now.  Stories of love and loss, acceptance of rejection, hope and despair, courage and fear.  I knew refuge from the harsh realities of the world, yet also experienced the worst of what these realities can bring.  I saw two churches I loved die, and the dear friends from those churches scattered in the different directions of God's guidance and the winds of history.  Some of them, I never saw again, and will miss them until the day we are reunited in Heaven.  Sometimes, I still dream about these churches, and my loved ones from those special times.  This is one of the reasons I love 80s and 90's worship music more than any other style, because it reminds me of those precious days when I was just learning to know God's will.  Yet there are some songs from that era I still cannot listen to without feeling great agony.  I think of skating parties, picnics, potlucks, youth group outings, plays and performances, Christmas caroling.  I think of laughing, anticipation, friendships, and learning about life.  I also think of hurts, some so unnecessary.  I think of lapses in right judgment among some that I trusted--forgivable, but devastating.  As Christians, we are told we will never fit in with this world, and we accept that.  But nobody ever prepares us for when we don't fit in at church.  Persecution from within.  And a part of me obsesses, longs to travel back in time and somehow undo the mistakes of the past--even when they weren't mine to begin with.  I try to control what was never in my power in the first place.  I react strongly and irrationally against situations that remind me of those losses.  In my heart, I'm fighting those long ago battles, hoping for a different outcome.  Do you ever do that?  

     And yet God never wastes a hurt.  The aches in my heart have served a purpose.  The fire they lit in me in another century is now coming to fruition at last.  The kernel of grain died long ago, but is finally bearing fruit!  

     I long to see dying churches revived, given another chance at life, the way I wish mine had.  I long to bring back laughter and joy to places that had all but given up.  I can still feel the past victories hanging in the air, and want to bring it all back.  For years, I have wondered if I was crazy, but just now, in our ministry, I am seeing God bring use out of this passion.  

     Two years ago, Walter and I met with Pastor Stan Payne at Roland Baptist Church in Roland, Arkansas.  This  little country church had seven members, all senior citizens.  When we shared what our ministry does, in partnering with churches to reach children with the Gospel, and then directing these children and their families into churches to find a church home, Pastor Stan actually cried, and said, "We need this!"  We started a weekly Good News Club in that church, and over the last two years, we have seen 12-15 elementary-aged children come each week.  They are fed a meal (which is initially always the draw!).  But many have come to salvation, and several have been baptized and joined this church.  We saw a whole family baptized together last year!  This little struggling church has tripled in size, and for the first time in 30 years, they have children's church on Sunday morning.  The four pictures directly below are signs of new life at Roland Baptist!

     Mabelvale Methodist Church (here in a part of Little Rock known as Mabelvale) was facing a slump of discouragement.  Their beautiful building was once full of families and growth, but was now dwindling, a ghost of its past glory.  When we reached out to Pastor Bob Marble, he excitedly agreed to partner with us.  We were able to do a Christmas and an Easter outreach at this church this past year.  We reached out to the families in the community.  A new family who just lost their wife/mother to death and were in desperate need of Christian fellowship came to an outreach we did, and after this, began attending the church!  God used these outreaches to start something!  God has plans at this precious church, as the pictures below of families at the outreaches show.

     Probably the most exciting story occurred at Wye Mountain Community Church, in a very rural part of our ministry area.  This tiny congregation only manages to stay afloat by doing a yearly daffodil festival for the community, that brings in revenue.  I have lived in Arkansas four years now, but hadn't yet attended the festival.  This year, the day before it started, I had a strong urging in my spirit that I needed to go to the festival a day early and check it out.  I didn't know why, but I couldn't shake this sense that I needed to get down there.  I took the 40-minute drive out into the beautiful countryside that always restores my soul.  I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I pulled up to Wye Mountain Community Church.  Talk to someone, the prompting in my heart grew.  I got out of the car and approached a man who was setting things up in front of the building.  Not sure what to say, I asked if he was the pastor.  He told me they hadn't had a pastor in a while, but he referred me to a woman who was more or less in charge of the festival.  I located her and introduced myself, explaining my ministry.  This sweet, beautiful woman beamed, and grabbed me into an unexpected hug.  "Not ten minutes ago, I asked the Lord to send someone to help us with our children's ministry!  We need children in this church!"  Thus began a friendship and partnership.  We helped them with an outreach, and saw four children come to salvation.  We did their VBS, and 9 children attended, with a few new children coming into the church Sundays!

     Seeing these old and dying churches reviving is a dream come true for me.  Redemption for my losses.  The passion had to be ignited long ago, so I could help them now.  This isn't about me.  It's about what God has been purposing to do.  He has me in this time and place to help them.  He used things that have been on my heart for decades to bring about victories now!  He does the same with all of us.  His plans arise out of the ashes of our losses and brokenness.  This is a biblical idea.

     In Genesis Abraham had a heart's desire that was God-given (Genesis chapters 12, 15, 18), and after years of disappointment (and even some disobedience on his part--Genesis 16), he saw God's fulfillment, which made the victory all the more amazing (Genesis 21).  He even faced a test of faith after this (Genesis 22).  He saw the death of his dream more than once, only to see it rise up again out of the ashes of disappointment. 

     A few generations later, Joseph had some dreams, again God-given (Genesis 37).  But it wasn't smooth sailing into fulfillment.  Joseph went through trial after trial--being sold as a slave, lied about, falsely jailed, forgotten.  In the midst of that, I wonder if he thought his long-ago dreams were just a fluke of his imagination.  And yet finally, he had his day.  Everything came together.  Everything that had happened to him added up only one way, and that led to his being put in the second-highest office in the country, and saving the world from famine (Genesis 41ff).  He had his dream come true, but God had to prepare the way for him before he got there.  Again, this is a picture of victory from defeat.  

     Simeon had a God-given desire to see the Messiah before he died (Luke 2:25-26).  It is implied he was quite elderly by the time he got to see baby Jesus (Luke 2:29-32).  Imagine his years of waiting, wondering if he had misheard God.  Would he ever see the Savior?  When it finally happened, he knew it, and he knew he had lived his purpose on this earth.  His soul must have soared with a lifetime of joy and fulfillment in God's will and leading.  

     Proverbs 13:19 says, A desire accomplished is sweet to the soul...  The verse I started with, John 12:24, echoes this sentiment, and enhances it by saying that when these desires die, they arise again to greater life.  If I had not had the losses and heartache of church hurt, I would have stayed who I was.  A nice person, happy at church, but with no greater realization about how to help others, and how to reach those I am now called to reach.  These victories would pass me by without my even knowing.  I never understood the why--and I still don't.  My experiences were life and joy--and humiliation and devastation.  I have lifelong friends because of those times, and also broken relationships that will never be restored until Heaven.  I have fun stories that still make me smile, and hurt feelings that still make me ache inside.  All of these things sat in my soul for years, being stirred slowly by the Lord.  They culminated to bring about these new victories.  He will do the same with your heartaches.  

      The victories--Abraham getting his promised son, Joseph becoming a world leader, me seeing these churches revived--isn't the real ending to the story.  Those are just the parts we can see.  In the process, God shaped these people's characters.  God has made me more like Jesus, and that is the real victory.  I imagine when we get to heaven, we will see even more than we know now--more victories that stem from our seeming defeats.  

     The greatest defeat in history happened on Good Friday, when it looked like Satan had won.  Jesus was dead.  What could come from it now?  And yet Easter morning tells the answer.  Resurrection.  Salvation.  Life from death.  

     If you are seeing death of dreams, take heart.  It may be Good Friday, but Easter is coming.  You will see victory.  Stay in the word until you see more light.  It might take years to see fulfillment--and to an extent, maybe none of us will see it in our lifetime, but God's comfort is there in the defeats, leading you onward to victory.  Don't give up!  

      If you are a Christian, your heart is that kernel of wheat.  God is doing something.  He is getting ready to reap a harvest.  Don't quit before the miracle!  The best is yet to come!