Vital Question

     A week ago today, a pastor friend of ours by the name of Steve Walters passed from this life into eternity.  He is in the Presence of Jesus, seeing and experiencing things we can't imagine!  While we grieve for ourselves, and his precious family, we don't feel sorry for him.  He would never want to come back.  Steve was our pastor during our years in South Dakota.  As we now live in Texas, we were not able to attend the funeral (which took place this morning).  I was so thankful to be able to watch it online.

Pastor Steve Walters and his wonderful wife Terry.  We were so blessed to be under their ministry.  Please pray for Terry in this time of adjustment after her husband's passing.  

     As I think back on my time under Pastor Steve's ministry (sometimes even privileged to do ministry with him), several things stand out.  He wanted to see people reached with the gospel.  That was vital to him.  Every time someone came to Christ in the church, or as a result of someone in the church, he would light a candle at the front of the sanctuary and keep it burning throughout the service that day, just so people would see that lives were being changed.  I loved that he did that.

     One of the questions he always asked, and encouraged us to ask others, was, "To you, who is Jesus?"  Some didn't care for that.  They felt that wording it that way was encouraging people to define Jesus on their terms.  I would agree, if you just ended the discussion after that. However, that was just a starting point for a conversation about Christ.  Besides, that question was pretty much what Jesus Himself asked in Matthew 16.15, "Who do you say I am?"

     The answer to this is so important, because it determines our eternal destiny.  If the question were just "Who is Jesus?" it would be a point of fact.  But making it personal, "To you, who is Jesus?" puts some responsibility onto the person being asked.  We have to make a decision, and we only have this one life one earth to make it.

     Many people say that Jesus was just a good teacher.  But that really doesn't make sense.  Jesus claimed things a good teacher would never claim.  He claimed to be one with God (John 10:30).  He claimed to have been alive before Abraham of the Old Testament (John 8:58).  He claimed to have shared glory with the Father before the world began (John 17:5).  He claimed to forgive sins (Matthew 9:5).  He claimed to be the only way to Heaven (John 14:6).  He predicted his death and resurrection multiple times (Matthew 16:21, Mark 8:31, Luke 12:22...to name a few).  If someone were a good teacher, but not the Savior, it would be evil to claim such things, and that would make the person a very bad teacher.  Either Jesus is who He claimed to be, or He isn't, but he can't be just some nice teacher.  I think I'm a pretty nice teacher, and I certainly don't claim anything like this.  We are required to make a decision for ourselves about it.  Something that might make it a little easier is that Jesus fulfilled His prediction about rising from the dead (Matthew 28, Mark 16, Luke 24, John 20).

     We live in a world that doesn't want to make a decision about who Jesus is.  They like the idea of a nice teacher encouraging people not to judge (or whatever else they like to interpret from His actual teachings).  But if you look at everything Jesus said and did, you have to conclude much more than that.  Jesus Himself doesn't give us any other option.  You must either conclude He is the Son of God, crucified for our sins, risen the third day, or you must conclude He was a fake.  Pretty hard to fake the miracles He performed.  If he was fake, people around would have caught onto it.  The Pharisees were constantly trying to trip Him up.  It would be very hard to fake the transformation in the lives of His disciples early in the book of Acts.  His disciples eventually were willing to endure torture and death for Jesus.  Most people don't do that for something they know to be fake.

     A book I found fascinating on this subject was Cursed with Common Sense, by Nicole Nelson.  The author shares her journey to understanding who Jesus is.  She was as skeptic, and is now a Christian.  You can check it out here.

     As we mourn the loss of a wonderful servant of God from this earth, we know where he is, because he was able to answer that question about who Jesus really is.  Can you?

Infactuated

     Have you ever gotten infatuated with a fictional character?  Maybe it was an actor/actress you found physically attractive, or maybe it was a character they portrayed.  As a teenager, I often got crushes on men in books, and occasionally in other media.  Sweet and intellectual types touched my heart.  Likewise, a good friend of mine always fell for the "bad boy" in any story.  My first fictional crush that I can recall was on Linus, from the Peanuts comics (I was in kindergarten).  Linus is still my favorite Peanut, but the feelings aren't quite the same as they were when I was five!

     In a sense, connecting with fictional characters can be helpful.  They can help a person understand themselves, and what type of personalities they relate to.  If the fictional object of the crush is godly and admirable, they can serve as roll models for what an unmarried person wants to find in their future spouse.    That's what fictional characters are supposed to do for us in any event.  Give us something higher to aim for.  We interact with them.  We learn and grow with them.  We see ourselves in them.  They can validate us.  This is all a good thing.  But actual infatuation must have its limits.

     For one thing, fiction is fiction.  It isn't real.  It is easy for writers to develop characters who seem perfect to us.  This can create unrealistic expectations.  In real life, people aren't as romantic as they are in movies or books.  Real life is actually better and more wonderful, but it doesn't mirror fiction.  In hoping and praying for a future spouse, find things you like in fictional characters, but don't put expectations on a real spouse to live up to everything the fictional character does. This is true not only in romance, but in other relationships as well.  Some novels I've read about friendship, or family love between parents and adult children are a lot more intense than my own relationships in these areas.  This doesn't mean my friendships or relationships with my parents aren't beautiful and real.  It means that the authors were able to put a lot of intensity into their work (Karen Kingsbury, anyone?).  It reflects more on their ability to create a scene than on my ability to love others.  Let those in your life be human, not dictated by what fictitious characters do.  Having said that...

   Here is where I am going to step on a few toes.  If you are married, there is NO REASON to indulge a crush on anyone besides your spouse...real or fictional.  It might seem harmless, especially if they aren't even real or attainable.  Scripture indicates otherwise, though.  Genesis 2:24 clearly tells us the purpose for creating us male and female and giving us those attractions. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.  Nothing in there about pining away after someone...which is what infatuation is.  The ultimate plan is marriage.  This is why I refused to go out with guys in high school or college who didn't have real intentions.  Crushes are part of growing up, finding your spouse, falling in love, and getting married--part, but not the summation.  Even those who never marry get crushes.  It's part of being human.  But indulging a crush with no future is harmful.  It harms your heart.  It can harm other relationships.  I have been the object of some crushes, and they ended in hurt for me, because those who had the crushes on me didn't have any real commitment to me, just their own self-centered emotions.  They weren't able to keep their infatuation with me to themselves, so it gave me hope that maybe this was the one...only to discover that they didn't care about my heart, just their own.  Only my husband Walter went beyond a crush to real love.    A crush isn't the end result.  Please note I am not condemning crushes, just the indulging of them in a sinful way.  Single people are in a unique type of battle to guard their hearts.  But married people are in the same battle, from another angle.

     Love is a lifelong commitment.  It's a choice we make, whether we feel warm fuzzies or not.  Love is about the other person's needs.  Being committed to them.  Feelings definitely come with the territory, but they aren't the biggest part.  Choosing love no matter what is a real commitment.  That's the kind of love Jesus has for us.  This is a far cry from infatuation.  Infatuation is all about ourselves.  How we feel.  How we see ourselves.  How this person (or fictional character) validates us.  Love and infatuation are very different.  You can feel infatuated with a movie star, but unless you know them personally, you can't have that kind of love for them.  And fictional characters are absolutely out of the question.  On the other hand, infatuation can turn into love.  That is why, if you are married, your infatuation needs to be kept for your spouse.

     In Exodus 20:14, we read God's seventh commandment,  Thou shalt not commit adultery.  God wants us to be faithful to our spouses.  How far does this go?  Jesus told us that in the New Testament.  Matthew 5:28 says, But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.  Jesus was talking to a male audience here, so he talked about a man looking at a woman in lust.  But the same would be true for a woman fantasizing about a man.  Jesus said this was adultery.  No actual affair has happened, but in the heart, it may as well have.  God views lust as unfaithfulness to one's spouse.  Pretty serious stuff.

     What are we supposed to do with this?  Is it wrong to think someone is attractive?  No.  But God gives us some directions.  Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.  (Proverbs 4 23).  We need to be on our guard.  Temptations are always available.  First Peter 5:8 warns, Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.  Satan is trying to destroy us...our lives, our walk, our faith, our testimony.  Flirting with sin (and those besides your spouse) gives Satan ground.  Seeing someone in real life or in a fictional media who seems attractive to us isn't wrong at all.  There are some likable, attractive people out there.  But letting those benign feelings of thinking they're attractive become an infatuation is surrendering to the beginning of an affair...even if it never becomes a physical affair.  A pastor I knew often said, "If I'm driving down the street and I notice a scantily-clad woman and even think she's attractive, that isn't a sin.  But if I circle the block to get another look, that's the sin." 

     Okay, so we're supposed to be on guard..  How do we do that?  The Bible answers that too.  And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell. (Matthew 5 30).  God doesn't mince words here.  If something is a stumbling block, get it out of your life at all costs.  Stop watching that show, reading that book, etc.  I have stopped watching certain programs because they were stumbling blocks to me in specific seasons of my life.  At another time later on, sometimes these shows weren't stumbling blocks anymore, and I could watch them again.  But when something is causing a stumbling block, remove it.  These are drastic measures, but they're God's will for us. 

     I have been surprised and disappointed lately by a multitude of mature Christian women (who are married) talking about their celebrity crushes on Facebook.  One such woman told me that if Tom Selleck walked through the door, she'd leave her husband for him.  This is very saddening (not to mention ridiculous, considering the odds of Tom Selleck walking through the door, actually noticing her, liking her, and wanting to leave his own wife for her are astronomical).  Marriage is meant to be forever.  It isn't sometimes, but that is God's ideal. God would have us guard our hearts.  A different woman, someone in ministry, whom I have admired for a long time, posted on Facebook the name of her celebrity crush, and asked all her friends to share theirs in the comments.  It broke my heart to see these married Christian women naming celebrities they have a crush on.  That was not an edifying exercise at all.  Philippians 4:8 says we should be thinking about what is true, honorable, righteous, pure and lovely.  I have found that the more I choose to love my husband, the more I enjoy him.  It then follows that the more I enjoy him, the more I find myself admiring fictional characters who remind me of him.  I don't get infatuated by these characters.  I don't dwell on them beyond the viewing/reading time.  I just admire the traits that remind me of my wonderful husband.  My favorite fictional couple right now actually reminds me of us, so it's fun, not an infatuation.  As I said, fictional characters can help us see ourselves, and become our "friends" in a sense. 

     In preparing to write this blog post, I talked with my husband about this, and he said that the last celebrity crush he had was as a single young man.  It was on a model who was in her thirties then, but is clearly quite a bit older now.  He said that he might think a particular actress is attractive for what she brings to a part, but it isn't a crush or any emotional tie.  That's the difference between simply seeing an attractive person and giving ground to the enemy.

I am pictured with my husband, Walter.  I am so thankful for him.

     Ultimately, only God can fulfill our heart's deepest longings.  I'm thankful to have learned that lesson long before marriage.  A spouse is the most important person in one's life, but expecting them to perfectly fulfill us in every way is impossible.  It's unfair to them and setting ourselves up for disappointment.  Sometimes, unmet expectations are the grounds for these affairs of the heart.  When we are letting God be our Joy-Giver, we are free to love our spouses (and others) without expecting anything in return.  This way, whether married or single, it is possible to be completely satisfied.  Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore. (Proverbs 16:11)

Untold Stories

   One thing I love about this day and age is that Christian culture has so much more of a voice.  A lot of this is due to social media, and regular people sharing and "going viral".  Growing up in the 80s and 90s, I would never have guessed that I'd one day live in a world where Christian movies (quality ones at that!) would be released in regular theaters.  There have been some great Christian movies released in the last 15 or so years, getting higher and higher quality.  My very favorite is an early one, 2006's Facing the Giants.  

Facing the Giants was one of the early Christian movies to reach a level of success in this modern era of quality films.  This one is probably a little lower quality than some that have come out in the years since, and it has some corny aspects to it, but it is deeply encouraging to me...and I'm not even much of a football fan.  

     On March 13 (ten days from this writing), another quality Christian film will be released.  This film is entitled I Still Believe, and is based on the true story of Christian musician Jeremy Camp.  You can watch the theatrical trailer here.  Jeremy Camp had quite a journey with the love of his life, Melissa.  This journey was filled with heartache, hope, healing, bewilderment...and God's glory.  I understand the movie portrays this journey as such.

     While I am inspired by testimonies like this, this movie is personal for some other reasons, not all of them good.  You see, my husband Walter attended Bible College with Jeremy Camp during the events in the movie.  Jeremy was an acquaintance of his.  A pretty nice guy.  Everyone at the college rallied around Jeremy.  There were daily updates on the situation.  If anyone felt the support of the Body of Christ, it was Jeremy Camp.  Later on, when Jeremy became famous for his music, he continued to receive support from this group of believers.  It hasn't been an easy road, but Jeremy has been blessed.  True redemption has occurred for all he experienced.

     This is all well and good.  Romans 12:15 says that Christians are to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.  Galatians 6:2 says we are to bear one another's burdens.  From Jeremy's perspective, the Bible College was doing that.   But were they really?

     Jeremy Camp was not the only struggling, hurting person on that campus.  He was very popular, as a musician on the worship team who was obviously going places.  As such, it was easy for others to support him.  This isn't his fault.  He did need that support, and it was good he received it.  But so many others were neglected.  At least one I know quite well.

     My husband Walter wasn't even supposed to be at that college.  He was set to go to the Air Force Academy after high school graduation.  He had a lot of hopes and dreams, and believed this was the direction God had for him.  On the side, he really enjoyed using his guitar playing for God's glory.  He was getting quite good, and had even started a band with some friends.  By all appearances, he was going places too.

     Two weeks before his high school graduation, Walter was involved in an auto accident.  He should have died.  He was hit by a double semi going 80 miles per hour.  His little 1988 Toyota (which was 11 years old then) didn't stand a chance.  It stalled as he was making a turn, putting him in the path of the double semi.  In the split-second before he was hit, he saw what was about to happen and knew he was going to die...and yet he didn't.

Walter's car after the accident

     God miraculously preserved his life (and I am incredibly grateful!).  Healing has been ongoing, even today (21 years later).  He had been left-handed before, but lost most use of his left arm.  He suffered a concussion.  He has extensive nerve damage.  But he is alive and well, and is a wonderful husband...and person. Ephesians 2:10 says that we were created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which He prepared in advance for us to do.  God still had (and has) plans for Walter on this earth.

Our wedding picture

     Three months after his accident, he walked (another miracle!) onto the Bible College campus.  In that time, he had learned to play the guitar again (only He now played a left-handed, or "backwards" guitar).  He plays this way for our church now.

You will notice that he is holding the guitar the opposite way that most guitarists do.  The guitar is a specially-made left-handed guitar.  He does the chords with this right hand, and strums with a special pick strapped to his left hand.

     He was in the early stages of his recovery back at Bible college, some days just barely hanging on.  He had lost his dreams and hope for his future.  He had lost his dominant hand.  He was in physical pain.  He was trying to trust and obey God in the midst of this.  He believed in the Lord, but wrestled with the "why". He still does at times, as we all do when things have happened that we don't understand.  He was following the Lord in spite of the unanswered questions.  He was trying to run the race marked out for him (Hebrews 12:1), but he struggled with this "thorn in the flesh" in his life.  If anyone needed compassion and love from other believers, it was him.

     Unfortunately, since he wasn't a popular guitarist on the worship team like Jeremy Camp, he wasn't offered compassion.  In fact, his pain was minimized and compared to Jeremy's.  A side note on that was that when he did try out for the worship team, the leader told him his playing was s***, and his guitar equipment was referred to as another expletive.  This is certainly not the love believers are supposed to be demonstrating.  First Thessalonians 5:11 tells us we are to encourage one another and build each other up.  That certainly wasn't happening.  Walter has shared with me that others on campus had similar experiences of their pain being ignored and minimized in light of Jeremy Camp.

     Pain comes in many forms, and all have experienced it.  It doesn't need to be justified or explained away by comparing it to someone else' pain.  There is really no way to compare people's pain.  What Walter went through was very different from Jeremy's journey.  But that doesn't make it less.  It was devastating for him.  The same is true for anyone's pain.  God cares deeply. Psalm 56:8 says, You have taken account of my wanderings;
Put my tears in Your bottle.
Are they not in Your book?  God clearly cares about what each of us goes through.  We all have a story, and as Christians, these stories are part of our testimonies.  God will use it, if we let Him.  A promise I love is from Romans 8:28.  All things work together for good to them that love God, who are the called according to His purpose.  This verse has given me so much comfort amidst rejections and disappointments I have faced.  In fact, all of Romans 8 is a comfort.  God is working on our behalf all the time.  I can't answer the why, but I'm eager for the redemption.

     While I strongly suggest studying the Bible out of a word for word translation (as opposed to a paraphrase or looser translation), I have been deeply ministered to at my lowest moments by Second Corinthians 4:8-9 out of the Living Bible.  We are pressed on every side by troubles, but not crushed and broken. We are perplexed because we don’t know why things happen as they do, but we don’t give up and quit. We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going.

     Jeremy Camp is a faithful believer who has been on quite a journey.  Not in any way am I suggesting he didn't deserve the support he received, nor do I blame him for the lack of compassion others received.  From all accounts, he was a nice guy who had no part in mistreating anyone.  He wasn't aware people used his pain as an excuse not to care about other people's hurts.  What I am suggesting is that the hurting are all around us, and they all need the Body of Christ to rally around them.  Most of them are not popular or famous.  Most of their journeys won't be made into a motion picture.  Very few experience the success Jeremy Camp has.  While you're watching this new movie, think about the people whose stories aren't being told, but who are suffering just as deeply as Jeremy Camp did.  Ask God to use you in their lives.  That counts for eternity!

Victory for Insecurity

     Yesterday, I had a victory in my life.  At first, it didn't look as though that would happen.  In fact, it looked like it was going to be a really annoying day with no redeemable quality at all!  And in a sense, it still kind of was a bit annoying.  But now, the victory overshadows all that.

    I was required by my job (a Christian preschool) to attend a training.  The state requires so many hours of training per year.  Understandable.  I wasn't thrilled to spend a Saturday at work, although I have some good friends among my coworkers, so I thought it might be nice to spend a little time with them.  I tried to put my best foot forward as I got up and got ready, letting my husband continue to sleep on his side of the bed.

     This training was held at our school (which is at a church), but wasn't exclusively for us.  Several schools from around the area sent their employees to receive this training.

     The speaker was from a few hours away as well.  I knew her right away, as soon as she entered.  She walked with an air of someone who wanted to be noticed, to be seen as in charge.  In fact, I gathered from watching her strut in that she cared more about the image of people thinking she was in charge than whether or not she actually was.  It was almost funny.  She looked like she had something to prove, with her chest puffed out, her nose in the air, her back arched.  And it awakened something inside of me.  A warrior I had thought long dead.

     The training started.  This woman began speaking (sounding suspiciously like a Valley Girl).  From looking at her, as well as from things she had said, I determined she was about my age (which means she was a teenager in the 90's).  I felt my defenses rising.  Can someone talk like this and still be a wonderful person?  Of course.  But the way she spoke wasn't just her speech pattern.  It was what she said.  She let us know (within the first few sentences) that she had been a cheerleader in high school--and had been very good at it.  Is there anything wrong with being a cheerleader?  Not at all.  Is there anything wrong with a speaker sharing these types of details with an audience?  Certainly not.  But there is something disconcerting about someone who has to tell you they're good at this or that.  Humility is a lot more engaging than pride, and even if someone wishes to make that impression, he or she should do it by demonstrating their ability, not brag about it.  In the next few sentences, she proceeded to tell us she was skinny (as if we were unable to see that for ourselves, and were supposed to be impressed by this.).  She told us her beautiful daughter is also skinny like her, but her son is "husky".  She hastened to add that this is because of her husband, not her.  As if we care, really!  She talked on and on in her screechy Valley Girl voice, and so much of what she said demonstrated a sense of trying to impress us with superficial things.  Maybe establish herself.  Living on her popularity status from twenty-five years ago.  Deep inside me, that warrior--that nineties teenage warrior--wanted to bring her down a notch.  I began to feel angry the more I heard.  She actually said the sentence, "I'm very successful," and bragged about her accomplishments.  Her voice, mannerisms, and gestures came across as very condescending.  She talked like we were all three-year-olds.  I thought, So this is what happens to mean girls who never grow up. I wanted to tell her, "Hey, 1995 called.  They want their shallow, conceited attitude problem back." 

     During a break, I was sitting with some of my Christian sisters from work, and we were all kind of feeling the same thing.  None of us wanted to spend several hours of a Saturday here anyway, and we were all kind of annoyed with what we were hearing.  I made a few joking comments about the speaker that made my friends laugh.  It was all in good fun, and no one outside our little group overheard us, but immediately, the Holy Spirit convicted me.  Suddenly, it wasn't fun anymore, even though I wanted it to be.

     We returned to the session, for more of the same.  I tried to endure.  But as I felt so riled, I had to face myself.  Why did she get to me so badly?

     The first thing I needed to face was something my mom always said.  "People don't build a fortress around their strengths.  They build it around their weaknesses."  This speaker might have been popular as a high schooler in the nineties.  She might not struggle with her weight.  She might have achieved a level of success.  But she wasn't genuinely happy.  She was using these things to build a fortress around her weaknesses and insecurities.  This alone gave me more compassion.  I mean, if you have to go back so many years for your sense of worth, how sad is that?  The same goes for having her worth come from being "skinny" (which isn't a good thing in and of itself anyway.  Being healthy is a good thing.  Skinny can mean malnourished).  But that brought me to the second thing I needed to face.

     I'm not so different from this insecure woman.  I had a false sense of worth too, as a teenager from the same era.  It occasionally flares up now.  I wasn't a popular cheerleader.  I was seen as smart.  I knew how to outsmart everyone, including teachers.  Everyone wanted me to help them with their homework.  I did, too, out of pride more than a desire to help.  I enjoyed having the reputation as the smart one, and I felt good because I could outsmart my peers.  Just like this speaker felt good about being skinnier than her peers.  Maybe the reason she had grated on me so badly was because I heard in her comments the same attitudes of my own heart, even if I haven't said it aloud.  Both of us were getting out self-worth from comparing ourselves to others  (for her, it was her body, for me it was my brain).  That isn't how we should measure ourselves.

     Another thing I had to face was also difficult.  In my "smart" teen days, I had my run-ins with popular snobby types.  Although most people considered me a very nice person (and I usually was), I was never kind to these types.  I rolled my eyes and did everything to show them I thought they were stupid and mean.  It hurt me that they treated people (not just me, but anyone not in their clique) so badly.  In my hurt, I used the only weapon I felt I had, my brain.  I didn't use my brain to make things right.  I used it to put them down.  That was wrong.  Not only did hearing this speaker make me face my own false sense of security in my own life, but also made me face some sins in my past that I needed to confess to the Lord.  It also made me face how hurtful popular snobs were toward me.  Dealing with old hurts isn't fun.  All those feelings of being left out.  Not being as confident as I acted.  I didn't want to deal with it.

     So what is the moral?  First of all, our self-worth should come from God, not comparing ourselves to others.  Psalm 139:14 says, I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.  First Samuel 16:7 tells us that man looks on the outward, but God sees (and values) the heart.  Outward doesn't just mean physical appearance (although it can).  It can mean any disguise we wear to mask our insecurities, such as wealth, intelligence, abilities, etc.  God has good plans for each of His people (Jeremiah 29:11), work for His kingdom for each of us to carry out (Ephesians 2:10), and is on our side (Romans 8:31).  He put so much more in this speaker than skinniness and earthly success.  He put so much more into me than being seen as smart.  These things are just scratching the very surface of the depth of who God made us to be.  Ephesians 3:18 tells us we should grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.  God loves us so deeply, and we sell ourselves short when we seek our value from superficial things.  

Gossip

     Have you ever been hurt by gossip?  Have you ever been guilty of gossip?  Or how about this one: Have you ever been accused of gossiping when you're pretty sure that wasn't what you were doing?  I can say yes to all three questions, especially the last!  I imagine the same is true for you.

   What is gossip, and what does the Bible say about it?  Has the meaning been warped?  Do many Christians define it incorrectly?  Let's look at Scripture first, then define it.

     Second Corinthians 12:20 says, For I am afraid that perhaps when I come I may find you to be not what I wish and may be found by you to be not what you wish; that perhaps there will be strife, jealousy, angry tempers, disputes, slanders, gossip, arrogance, disturbances.  

    Clearly, the Apostle Paul didn't condone gossip, or want the believers in Corinth engaging in it.  But that doesn't answer the question: what constitutes gossip?  Some other verses can help us flesh that out...

    Ephesians 4:29 tells us, Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.  

     I think this is a good guideline for us to follow when we speak.  We should be speaking in a godly, helpful way.  We should be a blessing in our speech.

     Philippians 4:8 tells us to think of what is true, honorable, righteous, pure and lovely.  If that's a biblical guide for our thoughts, how much more for our words?

     James 4:11 urges us: Do not speak evil against one another, brothers.  Pretty straight forward.  

     I think Psalm 19:14 sums up what should be the heart of every believer: Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.  We should want to be pleasing to God in our thoughts, words and actions.  I love how God's word spends more time telling us what we should do (speaking to bless others and please the Lord) than what not to do.  I wish people were like this.  Instead of accusing someone of gossip, we should be encouraging them to honor the Lord. 

     Now, let's define gossip.  The problem is, if you asked 100 people what gossip is, you'd get 100 similar but slightly different answers.  I have recently asked people in my life to define gossip.  The most limiting definition I got was "talking about others, even if it's positive."  Under that definition, it would be gossip to tell my husband how my trip to the grocery store went.  Is it really gossip for me to tell him about a pleasant cashier who made friendly conversation?  Or the other customer who kindly let me in front of him in line?  I don't believe these things are gossip at all.  Under this definition of gossip, it would be wrong to share one's difficulties with a trusted counselor or confidant.  We know this isn't wrong, because James 5:16 says Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  Our sins usually involve other people, so if you are confessing your sins and struggles to a Christian friend you trust, you are likely mentioning other people.  The Bible doesn't condemn this.  Not only that, but throughout the New Testament, the Apostle Paul mentions people by name in his epistles (just a couple examples are Philippians 4:2-3, Second Timothy 4:10).  Some of what he says probably embarrassed them, but it needed to be said.  This clearly isn't gossip, or God wouldn't have allowed it to be in His Holy Word.  We American Christians of today would think someone was gossiping if they did something similar, but it isn't true gossip.  The Apostle Paul wasn't a gossip.  And it wasn't just Paul who spoke this way.  The entire book of Third John (which is just one chapter) is about people, mentioned by name, and one of them, Diotrephes, is spoken about in a negative light.  Yet the Apostle John wasn't a gossip.  Going back a bit, John the Baptist publicly called out King Herod for his sin of adultery (Luke 3:19).  Was he gossiping?  No.  I think we can learn from John the Baptist that if something is very public and affecting the population, it is right to address it.  This is not every believer's calling, but for those who are called to this kind of boldness, the rest of the body of Christ should be supportive, not just accusing them of gossiping or "judging."  Jesus Himself spoke against well-known people (Matthew 16:6).  Therefore, it is false to say that any talk about any person is gossip.

  
     Think about this a second.  Think of times you were truly wounded by gossip.  I've been the subject of gossip only a handful to times, and I can honestly say that only once in my life has this been the case for me in a big way.  But just think a moment, and ask yourself, were you hurt because someone said something positive about you?  Were you hurt because someone mentioned your name?  Were you hurt because someone was concerned and mentioned you to someone they trusted?  Probably not.  If your story is similar to mine, you were probably hurt because someone was maliciously trying to slander you.  Likely, the truth was distorted.  This is hurtful gossip.  I'm thankful my big experience happened before social media.  As it was, I was in college in the very early 2000's, and had to change my email address, and even cut people out of my life.  It was humiliating.  In no way do I defend real gossip.  But I also don't agree with taking away people's liberty to speak freely.  Sometimes things become too hush-hush, when information needs to be given.  In order to deal with legitimate problems, they need to be talked about.

     When I was in college, I received some unwanted advances from a very troubled young man.  I tried to get help, but those I went to accused me of gossiping about a fellow Christian, and made me feel ashamed.  This isn't right.  People need to be safe to talk about real issues going on.  Otherwise, all we're doing is protecting the guilty and throwing the innocent to the wolves.  

     I have also been in situations where leadership accused anyone of gossip if they expressed any sort of concern that might not line up with the leader's agenda.  It was a power play for them.  They were threatened and used the accusation of gossip to silence those who disagreed with them.  That isn't right.  A good leader should consider what people say (whether or not they ultimately agree or take action).  

A powerful leadership quote by 34th President of the United States, Dwight D. Eisenhower

     In my early twenties, I lost one of my best friends. Long story short, this friend went from being a joyful Christian to constantly second-guessing herself and others.  I could no longer confide in her.  She accused me of gossip in every conversation.  One time, I shared about a dangerous situation I was in.  I wasn't sure what I should do or the right way to handle the danger.  I went to this old friend to share.  Her response was that I had a gossip problem.  Please know I wasn't putting this in the newspaper or on the radio.  Social media didn't exist back then, even if I wanted to share about it publicly (which I didn't).  I was confiding in her, who had been a trusted friend until shortly prior.  I wasn't gossiping about this person who was dangerous.  I was sharing my own experience and asking for godly counsel. It wasn't my job to protect the person who was doing evil.  I'm not their PR person.  If they're going to do that, the story getting out is part of the consequence of their sin.  It has never been my plan to hurt them or spread negative views about them, and I haven't, but I'm also not pretending.  My friend was wrong to equate my confiding as gossip.  Another time, this same friend of mine was deeply offended by a ministry newsletter I mailed out.  She felt I had gossiped.  What I had said was how much I praised God for providing some volunteers for our evangelism team.  I shared that a few people who had initially showed interest had not followed through, but then God had brought others along who did an excellent job.  My point had been that in the midst of not having the people I expected, God filled in the gaps.  I gave God the glory.  I didn't give the names of those who had not followed through.  They weren't important to the story.  But this friend of mine felt I gossiped about these people.  Why was she so concerned about them?  She didn't know who they were.  Their reputations hadn't been smeared.   I didn't say anything unkind about them.  Why couldn't my friend praise the Lord with me, instead of accusing me of imaginary sins?  At that point, I told this friend to take a hike.  I had no joy or freedom around her.  Years later, we reconnected (not super close, but peaceably), and we were both at better places.  

     I think part of the reason it's hard to define gossip is because it's a case by case thing.  What's gossip in one situation might not be in another.  My friend Karen gave me a good definition that I really liked:  talking in order to share information about someone in order to make others ostracize, judge, and think poorly of that person while boosting one's own social standing.  I think this gets to the heart of gossip.  It's intentionally hurtful and self-seeking.  The dictionary definition is similar, and I like it as well:  Casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.  This definition is slightly less malicious.  Under this definition, it is idle talk about someone.  While this might not be as cruelly-intended, it is still wrong to just discuss people's business like that.  Talking about someone as they affect your life is one thing.  Talking about their private business when it is none of your concern is quite another.  I even feel it is wrong to read gossip about celebrities.  If they gave an interview to a trusted news source or you are reading things that are a matter of public record, that's fine, but tabloid gossip certainly isn't edifying.  Many times, the news isn't substantiated.  Reading about their private business (especially fabricated) isn't right.  They're human too, even if they live in the limelight.  Give them some dignity.  

     Sometimes, trying to be quiet and making too much of an effort to conceal certain things lends itself to more gossip than if we simply shared a little bit.  If a prominent figure suddenly steps out of public life with no explanation, there is a lot of talk and speculation.  Sometimes, it's better when there is at least some explanation, even if it is largely kept private.  Sometimes it's hard to know, though.  Again, it's a case by case basis.  I remember one time, a ministry I was a part of had a very talented man who wrote a lot of the music that was used.  He had been with the organization for several years.  We had one of his beautiful songs that we were signing as our theme song at a conference one year.  I loved it.  About halfway through this week-long ministry conference, this musician disappeared, and suddenly, we stopped singing our theme song.  It was abruptly replaced with another song.  No one ever mentioned this man again, and when I asked about him (not his personal business, just how he was doing), I was shut down.  I was very concerned for him.  Was he okay?  Did he die?  What happened?  Did he need our prayers?  I was never able to figure it out.  This was someone we all cared about, and he basically no longer existed to us.  I'm sure the higher-ups in this ministry wanted to avoid talking in an ungodly way, but their not saying anything spurred more talk and confusion.  I'm not sure if there was a better way they could have handled it.  Maybe that was the right thing to have done.  Maybe there was no good answer they could have given us.  Still, it was awkward, and I never stopped being concerned about this talented man and his lovely family.  

     My husband had a similar story.  A man from the church he grew up in was falsely accused of a crime.  My husband, a teenager at the time, was a witness to the situation, and vouched for this man.  He encouraged others in the church to stand with him.  He was accused of gossip!  Can you believe that?  He wanted to squelch the gossip and encourage the truth, and those who didn't want to take a stand accused him of gossip.  This is a very warped view.  

     We need to be careful that what we say honors the Lord. Even things that are not gossip can still be wrong to share in certain settings.  It can be a stumbling block to others. We need God's guidance.  I will close by going back to the verse I quoted earlier, Psalm 19:14, Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.
     

All or Nothing

     Today, I read an online article from a Christian political forum I like.  This article made a claim any thinking person should at least question.  It said every President we have had since George Washington has been a Christian.

     That's quite a claim, isn't it?  I am suspicious of all-or-nothing statements like that.  Going a step further, Jesus said His followers are known by their fruit (Matthew 7:16).  Even if we don't agree on specifics, we can probably all agree that not all 44 men who governed our nation (we've had 45 administrations, but Grover Cleveland's 8 years in office were split) bore fruit evident of a relationship with Jesus.  However, that doesn't mean they weren't Christians.  Some of these men have done wonderful things for our country, but that doesn't mean they were Christians.  I read the article in its entirety.  All it really did was list the church affiliations or denominations these men had claimed to belong to.  

     Being a thinking Christian, I reserve the right to question this article's validity.  Am I jumping the gun and saying certain Presidents weren't/aren't Christians?  No.  I make no assumption.  I just didn't find this article's claim believable, and if all they're going to use to back it up is the Presidents' denominational affiliations, I am not intellectually satisfied.

     First, we must answer the question, what makes someone a Christian?  The Bible is very clear in multiple places, but one of my favorites is Romans 10:9-10, That if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved, for with the heart, man believes and is justified, and with the mouth, confession is made unto salvation.  In other words, being a Christian means believing Jesus Christ is who He claimed to be (the Son of God, God the Son), and believing that His death and resurrection paid the penalty for our sins, putting our faith in Him for eternal life.  Jesus called this experience being "born again" (John 3:3).  According to the Bible, belonging to a certain church or denomination doesn't make someone a Christian (although a Christian should be in a good church for their own growth in faith).  Therefore, in light of this consideration, the article I read didn't satisfyingly prove that all 44 US Presidents were/are Christians.  It didn't convince me they weren't/aren't either.  It just didn't prove its bold claim.  Maybe all our Presidents were/are Christians (I would like to believe that I'll see them all in Heaven), but the article did not tell us about these men coming to understand who Jesus is, and receiving Him as Lord and Savior. 

     I have read a few testimonies of some of our Presidents.  I read that William McKinley came to a saving knowledge of Christ growing up, and it greatly impacted all areas of his life, including his Presidency.  I have read that Dwight Eisenhower became a born again Christian during his Presidency.  I have read the salvation testimony of George W. Bush.  I have also read the testimonies of Vice Presidents Dan Quayle and Mike Pence.  These testimonies line up with a biblical definition of becoming a Christian.   Several other Presidents and Vice-Presidents (some I have agreed with politically, some I have not) have said things about Jesus that have led me to conclude they probably do know Him as well.  Jimmy Carter actually shared that he was Born Again.  Only God knows anyone's heart.  But these statements and testimonies about Jesus and salvation are a lot more in line with the Bible than mere denominational affiliation. 

     Many modern Presidents had a close friendship with Billy Graham, the most powerful evangelist of the 20th century.  Clearly, they had access to the gospel, and that is encouraging.

     The fact that many of our Presidents had a Christian heritage and a church affiliation of some kind is assuring.  God definitely uses these things.  It just doesn't prove saving faith.

     The President I would least likely believe was a Christian (by the Bible's definition) was Thomas Jefferson.  He was a deist.  According to my research, he claimed to believe Jesus was a good moral teacher, but not the promised Savior.  That, right there, would make him not a Christian.  Perhaps he changed his mind at a later time.  I hope so.  Other Presidents have said things about the Lord, the Bible, or the priority of faith that make me question the probability of their being saved, but I don't know.  Jefferson's statements were the most boldly opposed to the Bible's definition of Christianity. 

Thomas Jefferson

     After reading the very unsatisfying article, I left a comment.  I shared that I doubted all of these men truly had a salvation experience with Jesus.  As a point, I shared a statistic that close to 80% of Americans claimed to be Christian, but upon deeper questioning, less than 25% claimed to have repented of sin and received Christ as Savior.  I wasn't trying to be negative.  Just realistic in light of the article's bold claim and flimsy evidence.  I wasn't even pinpointing certain Presidents and saying which ones I thought were and weren't saved.  I was doubting the claim more than any particular man.

     The responses I got were almost funny.  One woman told me I clearly wasn't a Christian.  She said if I was, I'd never "judge" (there goes the magic word!).  What makes it so crazy was that she went on to say that every US President was a Christian except--here she named one--and went on to use hateful and ridiculing language about him.  Who's judging now?  And telling me I'm not a Christian when I simply said something she didn't like?  We have already established what makes someone a Christian.  Being judgmental (if indeed that was what I did, and I'm not conceding that) doesn't make me unsaved.  We can't establish someone's salvation on whether or not they say judgmental things.  That would make it about works and not Christ.  Salvation is by faith, not works.  I'm a Christian because the Blood of Jesus washed my sins away when I placed my faith in Him for eternal life...not because I try to refrain from being judgmental. 

     Several other people also jumped on my case and accused me of being judgmental of our Presidents, though they weren't as dramatic as my hateful friend who took liberties with my salvation.  It's still funny though, because I didn't mention one US President in my comment.  I was establishing that not everyone who claims Christianity is saved.  I was refuting the article, not a person.

     It is easier to accuse people of judging than to think things through.  Judging is the 21st century's unforgivable sin.  Accusing someone of judging is the big smokescreen when someone doesn't want to take responsibility.

     Matthew 7:1 (judge not lest you be judged) is such a misused and abused verse.  I must confess, at times I'm tempted to wish it wasn't in the Bible.  Martin Luther cut the book of James out of his Bible, mistakenly believing it to be heretical, and at times, I've felt that way about Matthew 7:1.  But that isn't the answer.  Martin Luther was wrong, and it would be just as wrong to remove any part of Scripture.  Jesus, knowing all things, including the future of how people would misuse it, said these words of Matthew 7:1, and so we need to examine them.  Was He saying we're never allowed to use the brains He gave us to form an opinion?  Was He telling us we have to be in favor of everything and anything?  Was He saying to ignore things that the Bible itself defines as sin?  No!!!  If He was, He would be contradicting the rest of Scripture. In Matthew 24:24, Jesus warned us not to let anyone deceive us.  He was telling us to think critically. To use good judgment.  In First John 4:1, we're told to test the spirits, because not every spirit is from God.  Again, we're being told to use good (godly) judgment to determine the truth.  Going back to Matthew 7:1, a look at the rest of the chapter and at parallel passages in the other gospels, reveals that we need to make sure we have our facts straight before making a judgment, and make sure we're not doing the sin we're about to call someone else out on.  Get the facts, and get our own lives in order before we help someone else get theirs in order.  That's what Jesus is saying.  Not anywhere in the Bible are we told to ignore sin.  We are not to believe and agree with everything.  If I told you I had an elephant in my car, and you disbelieved me, would that make you judgmental in a sinful sense?  Of course not!

     Many years ago, I served on a jury for a trial.  It was a very interesting experience.  We found the defendant guilty.  Anyway, the District Attorney kept telling us, "You have to find on the evidence, but that doesn't mean you check your common sense in at the front door."  He was right.  We come into every situation with common sense and knowledge gained from previous situations, as well as discernment from the Lord.  We need to examine what we're told (find on the evidence), but we are to use these resources God gave us. 

     John 7:24 urges us not to judge by appearances, but to judge rightly.  I would say those who simply assume all our Presidents are Christians are disobeying that verse.  They're judging on the appearance that these men had a church affiliation.  Judging rightly would require more research into their lives, and the evidence and information isn't always going to be there, especially not with earlier ones.  Were all our Presidents Christians?  We won't know until Heaven.  As Christians, we are to study God's word, and rightly divide the word of truth (Second Timothy 2:15).  This means be thinking people, holding up everything we are told to the standard of the Bible!
     

Salvation

     Yesterday (February 7) was the thirty-third anniversary of a very important day for me.  I remember it as if it were yesterday.  The story goes back a few days, though, to February 4, 1987--my fifth birthday. 

Me as a 5-year old

     I was very excited.  My mom was going to take my best friend and me to the circus.  I'd seen commercials for the circus, but had never been to a real one myself!  I was also excited that my age was a whole hand now.  When people asked my age, I could hold up all five fingers, no longer having to put the thumb down.  I felt very grown up. 

     Shortly before we were to leave, a frantic knock sounded on our door.  When we opened it, and found our eleven-year-old neighbor Christy, wild-eyed.  "There's a man in my house!  My mom's not home yet, and there's a guy trying to rob us!" 

     My parents had her come in, while they called the police.  It was scary, but the police arrived, and helped Christy and her family.  That situation sort of put a damper on the day.  Maybe it was a sort of sign.  Or maybe Satan was attacking because of what the Holy Spirit was stirring.

     Once everything was taken care of, my mom got me in the car, and we went to my friend's house (a few miles away) to pick her up.  We were riding along, when the car made a funny, popping sound. 

     "Oh no," Mom sighed, pulling our fifteen-year-old Pinto into the closest shopping center.  I wasn't terribly alarmed.  We had had this old vehicle as long as I remembered, and when it had problems, it always turned out to be okay in the end.  My mother, on the other hand, was very stressed.  When I became an adult, I came to understand that stress.  Car problems are hard to deal with at times, becoming vulnerable to a mechanic (who may or may not be telling you the truth), rethinking how you'll budget finances for the month, mentally rearranging all your transportation until the repair is complete, etc.  But I was only five, and this was part of the adventure.

Our car looked exactly like this picture of a 1972 Ford Pinto.  I didn't have a good picture of our actual car from that time, but I found this lookalike online.  With the more modern cars in the background, you can deduce it isn't from the actual time this story takes place, but you get the idea of the type of car we were dealing with.  It was old even then (1987)

     This was in the days when payphones were everywhere, and my mom promptly located one, at the far corner of the shopping center, right outside the grocery store.  She didn't want two little girls running all over the place while she was on the phone.  More to keep us safe than for any other reason, she told us, "While I'm on the phone, you are not to cross this line in the sidewalk.  She indicated a crack in the walkway.  Then she dialed the operator to call a tow truck. 

     Just to be funny, I smiled up at my mom and jumped over the crack she'd told us not to cross.  I wasn't even doing in maliciously.  Just being silly.  My mom, already stressed out, and engaged in conversation with a tow truck driver, reached out an arm, pulled me back, and swatted my behind.  At that moment, I became aware of something: my own depravity. 

     I felt shame.  It wasn't that my mom really got that mad.  Her tone hadn't changed at all on the phone.  She was simply under stress.  The Holy Spirit was convicting me of sin...not just the sin of crossing a literal line in the sidewalk, but the sin of who I was...everything I was without Christ.  I was a sinner, incapable of pleasing or knowing God on my own.  I might act good.  People might tell me I was good (many people did, because I was very well-behaved), but I wasn't good.  Not really.  Deep inside, at the core of who I was, I was a sinner.  I was incapable of being good.  With everything in me, I wanted to cross that line.  I knew that the sin in my heart was stronger than my resolve to fight against it.  I couldn't control it.  It controlled me.  There was nothing I could do to become free of the power sin had over me. 

    After my mom got off the phone, she hugged me and told me it was okay, I was a good girl, but I knew I wasn't really good.  The tow truck came, and we got in.  There were only two seats, so my mom held me on her lap, and we buckled in together, while my friend sat between us and the driver.  The end result was, we never made it to the circus, and to this day, I have never seen a real circus!  I don't know if I ever will. 

     My dad got home in our other car, and my parents took us to Chuck E. Cheese.  That was fun.  My friend spent the night, which was also fun.  But in the midst of all of this, I was wrestling inside with the conviction of my sin.  The hopelessness I felt in being able to overcome it. 

     This battle inside lasted three days.  A song began playing in my mind, one we sang at Children's Church, entitled, Do you know that you've been born again?  In my mind, I could hear our teacher, Mrs. MacFarland, singing it, with the kids' voices in the background.  It could hear it as if I were right in the room with all of them.  It wouldn't let up.  The question kept repeating in my head.  Did I know that I'd been born again?  I knew what it meant to be born again.  I was surrounded by the message of salvation.  My parents taught me about Jesus.  In fact, I don't remember learning John 3:16...I've always known it.  My parents said it to me every day since I was born.  I went to Sunday school, AWANA, Children's Church...you name it.  I was putting all these truths I'd been taught together in my heart and mind. 

     Finally, after wrestling for three days, on February 7, 1987, I knew what I had to do.  It was the only real option, if I were ever going to know peace.  I had to surrender myself to Christ.  He had given Himself for me on the cross, and I had to give myself to Him. 

     There was a very slight fear, because surrender is a death of sorts.  It's dying to self, to sin, to the person we are without Christ.  It's admitting I'm not good enough as I am, but with Christ, I am perfectly forgiven, capable of being everything God intended.  It is taking Jesus' death as my only way of salvation, placing my faith and hope for eternity on Him alone.  And that is what I did.  I settled it with God. 

    I approached my father and told him, "At church we sing a song that says do you know that you've been born again?  I want to do that."

     My dad later told me he had thought I was going to sing the song for him.  Imagine his surprise when I dropped to my knees and asked Jesus to come into my heart, take my sins, and let me be part of God's family from now on. 

     He was surprised, and wanted to make sure I understood what I was doing, so after I prayed, he tried to explain Jesus' death and resurrection to me.  I was kind of impatient and said, "I know that!"  I was frustrated he wasn't with the program here.  I knew about Jesus, and that's why I wanted His salvation.  But Dad just wanted to make sure I understood. He hadn't been living in my head the last three days while I wrestled with it.  I was ready to do it!  After my dad and I talked a few minutes, I asked him if I should tell Mommy. 

     "Yes," he said.  That was all I needed.  I jumped up and ran down the hall, where my mother was helping my little brother clean his room. 

     "Mommy, I asked Jesus into my heart," I exclaimed, a little shyly.  This was my first time sharing my testimony. 

     My mom was overjoyed, and pulled me into a hug.  That night, as she tucked me into bed, she told me to pray for my little brother and sister to invite Jesus into their hearts as well, which I did.  In fact, I witnessed to them every day after that. 

     February 7, 1987 was the most important day of my life.  It determined my eternal destiny.  It was the day I was born again. 

     How about you?  Have you been born again?  Are you ready for eternity?