Down Your Throat

      "Shouldn't we be trying to tell them about Jesus?" I asked, an eager eighth-grader and would-be evangelist. 

     Mrs. Larson looked at me as if I had suggested we lift their wallets.  "Of course not!" She chided me.  "Around here, we don't shove the gospel down people's thorats like you want to!"  Everyone around us looked at me with that same reproachful expression (obviously copying our teacher and trying to be with the "in" crowd).

     I felt ashamed, and yet also confused.  All my life, I had been taught the value of mission work, both nationally and internationally.  While they didn't know it, the only hope the unsaved had was the obedience of Christians to faithfully obey the Great Commission.  Love for others should propel us to share the Gospel with them, must like offering a hungry beggar lunch.  Mrs. Larson's response made me feel crazy.  Was I wrong to suggest we share the Gospel?

     Mrs. Larson continued eying me suspiciously, while smiling at a few of her pets in the class.  "We're going to just live it.  That's all we should do.  We'll live our faith in front of others, and that's really what it means to witness."

     Living it?  My thirteen-year-old mind puzzled over this.  The Apostle Paul hadn't just "lived it" to people.  He had fearlessly shared Jesus with everyone who would listen (and even those who didn't want to listen!).  And in my own heart, a force stronger than myself compelled me to talk about Jesus with those who didn't know Him.  Just acting nice to someone could never, ever quench that need in my heart to get the Gospel out, nor could it quench the spiritual thirst in the hearts of the people we were trying to reach. And on top of that, the way Mrs. Larson was shaming me and not showing me any consideration wasn't exactly a shining Christian witness in any event.  Did she really think she was so good at living it that the world would automatically be converted?  Even Paul and Peter weren't that good!  They still needed to explain the message.  This little message here was more where my mindset was at.

                            

     Not quite as eternity-minded, our junior high youth group eventually settled on doing a canned food drive.  Our slogan (which Mrs. Larson came up with, and her pets all thought was brilliant, but I thought was idiotic) was, Give all you can, at least give a can!  

     Mrs. Larson's accusation really stung, that by wanting to share Christ, I was "shoving it down people's throats."  To this day, I hate that phrase more than any other.  Literally, I hate it more than any other phrase in English, and only partly because it was used to humiliate me in junior high.  It is used inaccurately.  

     First of all, we are commanded to preach the Gospel multiple times and places in the New Testament.  Jesus' final words to His followers before His ascension were, Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation. (Mark 16:15).  Peter and John, when asked to stop preaching the Gospel, replied, we cannot but speak of what we have seen and heard. (Acts 4:20).  I very much relate to the Apostle Paul in First Corinthians 9:16, For if I preach the gospel, I have nothing to boast of, for necessity is laid upon me; yes, woe is me if I do not preach the gospel!  Later, Paul urged Timothy, As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry. (Second Timothy 4:5).  So the Bible would have sided with eighth-grade me, not Mrs. Larson.  Secondly, though, there is a big difference between lovingly sharing, and shoving it down someone's throat.  Mrs. Larson (and many others) fail to make that distinction.  What does it look like to shove something down someone's throat?

     Our cat Jack was recently given a prescription for a bacterial infection.  We had to administer one pill a day (in fact, we still do, as his vet prescribed two more weeks, just to make sure he is completely better).  Getting this cat to take his medicine is a task!  My husband Walter is pictured below, with Jack.  You will see Jack is wrapped up in a towel.  There is a reason.  Jack fights taking his medicine so much that Walter and I both have some permanent scars on our hands now!  Walter has to wrap him up, pinning his front paws down.  Then, he forces Jack's mouth open, while I drop the pill in (I have to get it all the way in, trying to get near the throat so he'll swallow it, but it's hard, because if I get too close, he bits me!).  Then, Walter holds him still and forces his mouth closed so Jack will be forced to suck on the pill until it dissolves and goes down his throat.  If we don't do all of this, Jack will spit it out, and the medicine will do him no good.  That, my friends, is what it looks like when we shove something down someone's throat.  How many people who preach the Gospel are being that forceful and rude?  Almost none!  The bigger problem is that people often just don't evangelize.  In my life, I have met one person that I felt was way too forceful in their evangelism.  This person held up very condemning signs, and told passersby what bad sinners they were.  That might be considered shoving it down people's throats.  

     Our shoving the pill down Jack's throat is motivated by love for him and a desire for his wellbeing, even though he can't see it.  When someone shares the Gospel a little overzealously, their motive is still love for the lost, and that should never be shamed.  But most people who share Christ aren't doing it like that.  Most are doing it much more gently.  More like inviting someone to a dinner.  If I were standing outside a restaurant, handing out gift certificates for free meals to passersby, would they accuse me of showing food down these people's throats?  No!  Most would be grateful and excited to get a free meal.  Even if someone wasn't interested, they would probably still express gratitude, and walk on politely.  That is how most evangelism is done.  A very far cry from giving Jack his pill!  We aren't bamboozling anyone and making them hear us against their will, as they fight us.   We are engaging people, and giving them that opportunity.  What they do with it is on them, but we give that chance.  How is that "shoving it down their throats?"  It isn't.  That's just how people are programmed to accuse those who share the Gospel, because it turns attention away from their own sin and lack of obedience to the Great Commission.  

     By the way, Jack is much better, as seen below!  Showing it down their throats isn't even always a bad thing!  

Friendship

     Think about some of the best friendships you have had in your life.  Notice I didn't say the best friends.  Humans are equal, so the value shouldn't be placed on the person, but on the quality of the relationship (in my opinion at least).   When I was growing up, my mother taught me to be sensitive to other people's feelings.  Part of that involved not picking a "best friend" because it made other friends feel left out and less important.  She also forbade me from talking about parties or sleepovers that not everyone was invited to, because they would feel hurt not to be included.  Likewise, my grandmother told me that it was better to have several good friends than one "best friend."  The few times in my life I had what I considered "best friends" those relationships became codependent, and didn't last, at least not at that close level.  

With a good friend and our little sisters at McDonald's, Riverside, California, 1989.  I'm on the far right.  I have many happy childhood memories with friends.

     But seriously, think about good friendships you have enjoyed in your lifetime.  What made them special?  What is important in friendships?

     I recently read the book No Greater Love: A Biblical Vision For Friendship by Rebecca McLaughlin.  I'll give the link to oder at the end of this post.  McLaughlin argues that romance has overshadowed the importance of friendships at times, and I can see her point.  I know when I watch at movie or start a novel, I start to wonder, "Okay, who's going to fall in love?" and I start making guesses, even if it's not really intended as a romance (since other genres tend to add romance to their stories to hold interest).  But this book focuses on why friendships are so important.  

     McLaughlin argues that our first family is really the Body of Christ.  Our nuclear families are of vital importance, but the Body of Christ is much bigger and more impactful than individual families.  McLaughlin shares that when she's in church, she and her husband don't even sit together.  They look for lonely people off by themselves to sit by and include.  She makes the point that often, married people kind of seem more important in Western Christianity, but that wasn't always the case in church history.  There was a time when singleness was viewed as spiritually superior.  

     I can relate to the idea of marital status being a barrier.  When I was single in my late 20's, I was in a woman's Bible study that was mostly comprised of homeschool moms.  These women were all BFF's, and I didn't really fit in.  A lot of these women were wonderfully sweet to me, and I'm not putting anyone down, but there was a lot of thoughtlessness.  These women would invite each other over in front of me, and not include me.  I was invisible.  I didn't have a husband to hang out with their husbands, nor did I have children to play with their children, so I was of no use to invite to their little get-togethers.  It made me feel like I was back in junior high, being left out by catty mean girls.  I couldn't wait to get married, and have status and prestige at last.  Of course, that wasn't the only reason I wanted to marry.  I wanted to meet the love of my life, and share my heart and journey with the man God had for me.  I happily met and married Walter shortly after this women's Bible study situation.  But by that time, I was in a different Bible study.  In this new Bible study, I was the only married woman.  All the single women my age around me were BFF's, and they'd invite each other out for coffee in front of me, but did not include me.  Sound familiar?  I wanted to scream!  I just couldn't catch a break!  It's almost funny now, but also eye-opening that marital status shouldn't be a barrier in Christian friendships, and it's hurtful when that happens.

     The Body of Christ should be known for loving each other.  Jesus said so, in John 13:35, By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.  We should be known for including each other, which is why Rebecca McLaughlin makes such an effort to reach out to others in church.  She relayed several stories from her own church, and how members have rallied around her family and others in times of need.  That's what Christians should do for each other.  

     McLaughlin gives several examples from the Epistles about the closeness of believers in the early church.  Many are referred to as "beloved."  Often, people of the same sex are said to love each other, and there is nothing strange attributed to it.  It is only as homosexuality has become more prominent in our world and culture that friendship love has been looked at as odd, and people have to be a lot more careful to avoid giving a wrong message.  The book gives examples from history (even relatively recent history) when people of the same sex expressed deep friendship love.  It is sad that this is harder to do these days. 

     Another point made is that the best friendships happen when we find people who are likeminded, and we share a goal together.  I can relate to that.  Some of my closest friendships were formed doing ministry together.  Having a close bond brought about by working together toward a common purpose is vital for the best kind of friendships.  We should be comrades in arms.  As Christians fighting spiritual battles together, we are ready-made for this type of connection.

     Sometimes, friendships seem to develop an "inner ring" where you have your closest level of friends.  That's not wrong, but it is far better to be including others into your inner ring than keeping others out.  I already mentioned my single/married Bible study experiences.  When I was single in the group of mostly married women, one woman blatantly told me that she didn't include me because "you're not at the same life stage as me."  Ouch.  I saw her do this to others too.  She said the reason she wasn't close with another woman in the group was because she had daughters and the other women had sons, and so they didn't have that commonality.  Apparently, to this woman's thinking, you could only be friends with people who have children the same sex as yours.  This woman became very protective of her "inner ring" friendships, and went into attack mode if I or anyone else outside her ring formed a bond with someone in her ring.  By attack-mode, I mean lying, gossiping, insulting--anything she could do to regain control of her inner ring and friendships.  We can't be like that if we're going to have biblical friendships.

     Christians are Christ's body, and we're all needed and vital in order for the Body to do what it is supposed to do.  We can help each other with our "body building" (working on being who God wants us to be).  We don't always see the sinful patterns in our own lives, and that's where Christian friends can lovingly help us.  Friends shouldn't be "yes-men."  They should be willing to speak the truth in love.  Recongizing how vital each member of the Body is can also ward off jealousy, because the liver isn't in competition with the lungs, and the brain isn't in competition with the heart.  We're all vital.  

     McLaughlin makes the point that the distinction between marriage and friendships are what help keep both in-check.  She quoted author and pastor Russell Moore from his 2017 blog post in asking Will a happy marriage prevent an affair?  Moore concluded that most spouses who cheat don't do so because the other person is more attractive than their spouse, but rather to connect with a part of their lives that used to be, or has never been.  He goes on to say, The secret lover seems to make the married person feel young or "alive" again, until everything comes crashing down.  The person is usually not looking for a sexual experience but for an alternative universe, one in which he or she made different choices.  While this is sinful and devastating in marriage, friendships really can help us explore more of ourselves in a non-sinful way.  Every friendship has a potential to bring out a part of us that has never yet been explored.  That is why we must never muddle an exclusive, covenant relationship such as marriage with various and free relationships like friendships.  

     McLaughlin uses the analogy of pizza.  The slices aren't all exactly the same sizes, but they are all cut to the middle.  So are our friendships.  We don't devote the exact same amount of time to all of them, and as life moves on and priorities change, we might change the amount of time we devote to some or others, but they all go to the center of your heart anyway.  It is important to have many good friends that go to your heart, or else you risk making your friendship unhealthily exclusive, like a marriage.  That's where I feel kind of uncomfortable with grown women still talking about their "best friend."  Friendships shouldn't be competitive.  They should be assets to us, and even each other.  Two of my closest friends in ministry right now are also close friends with each other.  I get together with them individually, or together, and sometimes, the two of them get together without me.  They have a friendship with me, but also with each other apart from me--and that's okay!  It's healthy!  

Matina and Stacey, two of my very close friends, who are also close with one another.  We serve the Lord together, which is where the strength of the friendship comes from!

     I have lost friendships in my own life.  Some of these losses have been deep griefs to me.  In some cases, the friend walked away,  In other cases, I did.  In one case, I had a dear friend I'd known since kindergarten, but she had a habit of making me feel undervalued.  It was as if I wasn't even important enough to be a slice of her pizza (using the metaphor above).  She constantly built a wall between us constructed of other people.  She would tell me about her "best friend" so-and-so, and how she couldn't see me, because of this other friend.  She would downplay the parts of her life where we had met and known each other, and really amplify the times in her life when we weren't in touch.  I would guess she did this to her "best friends" too, and maybe I was even the "best friend" in her story to someone else, but I just couldn't take that anymore.  I still miss her, and treasure the memories of our childhood friendship.  I sometimes question if walking away was right, but I didn't feel valued, and that is important.  

     I had another friendship that ended, also at my initiative.  This situation was very different.  I still love and miss this friend a lot.  We really had a meeting of the minds when we'd get together.  We could discuss ideas and thoughts on a deep level, and we really enjoyed each other that way.  But life and circumstances separated us (we ended up living in different states) and being in different parts of the country seemed to really affect our friendship negatively.  Our correspondence became difficult, and we ended up having a lot we disagreed on.  I felt this friend was one-upping me and lecturing me, and on her end, she said she felt I didn't listen to her.  I tried for a very long time to bridge the gap, but it just wasn't working.  It wasn't fruitful, and I just had to walk away and end it.  I hope that one day, God will restore that relationship, but it has to be Him, because we damaged it too badly in our own sinfulness.  

     I've had other friendships that end, only to be resurrected later on.  One friend of mine, whom I'll call Jennifer, was very close with me for a while. She was one of my "best friends."  We did everything together for a while.  We did ministry.  We read Christian books together.  We went out for ice cream and stuided our Bibles together.  We went roller skating and camping together.  Then she met the man she is now married to, and it changed the dynamics of our friendship too much for it to survive.  I tried to be supportive of this new relationship (while silently wondering When will it be my turn, God?), but we just grew too distant, and I had a hard time adjusting, and Jennifer ended the friendship.  Don't misread this, but it almost made me feel like I'd been through a breakup, which was a sign the friendship was codependent to begin with (see next paragraph about codependency!).  Years later, Jennifer's niece looked me up in the phonebook (which also had my address listed) and wrote me a letter, telling me she missed when I used to be close with their family and teach her in Sunday school.  This reopened my relationship with them all, and Jennifer and I reestablished our friendship, and remain friends to this day.  Another friend and I also became too codependent, and it led to a temporary fracture in the relationship, but God graciously brought it back around, and we are good friends now, much healthier than in the past.  

     We must resist codependency.  To explain codependency, McLaughlin shares the story of when she was counseling a friend who was very unhealthily enmeshed with another friend.  McLaughlin told this woman, referring to the other friend, "I think she needs to work out who she is when you're not there," to which the woman replied, "I don't think I know who I am when she's not there!"  Those blurred lines between ourselves and friends can be codependency.  It's unhealthy, and I imagine many of us have grappled with it.  True, good friends really can help you discovered your unexplored self, seeing things in you that you can work on and develop in your life.  These are great kinds of friends to have.  

     The book addresses the line between platonic and sexual relationships.  She mentioned the "Billy Graham Principle" (so-called because Billy Graham popularized it) which is that a man and woman who are not married to each other (but at least one is married to someone else) should not meet up alone.  I've also heard this called the "Three Rule" meaning a third person should always be involved when a male and female must be together.  I (as well as the author) think this is a wise principle, but she pointed out (and I agree) that it can also be used legalistically, or to imply all male-female interactions are sexualized, which is not true.  

     In my early 20's, I started to attend a discipleship class taught by a much older man who was a ministry veteran.  The goal of the class was that he would meet with us as a group, but also meet with us individually.  But he told me, "I'm not willing to meet with you alone, because I don't want you to fall in love with me."  I was appalled and disgusted at what he was implying.  I don't think what he wanted to do (having a third person in our meetings) was bad at all--it was probably wise and good--but him saying it like that to me really disturbed me.  I didn't continue with the group (for entirely other reasons).  

     Likewise, I knew a young man who took the three rule pretty far.  He was single, and so was his female coworker, so it wasn't quite the same ballpark as one or both of them being married to someone else.  Nevertheless, he was so afraid of the appearance of evil that he would drive 50 miles out of his way to pick up a third person so that he wouldn't be alone with her in the car for one mile!  Think of all the time and gasoline he wasted in order to keep this rule.  Even yet, I'm not saying he was wrong, but it was kind of extreme.  In the book, McLaughlin suggests that we take each relationship on a case by case basis.  We should always avoid being a stumbling block to our friends, and if there is a chance a friend sees us romantically (even if we don't see it that way), we need to be very careful.  She even addressed believers who struggle with same-sex attraction.  Rebecca McLaughlin shares that, while she is happily married to a man she loves very much, she is attracted to women, and has had to guard her heart.  But she points out that everyone is called to do that, not just those who battle same-sex attraction.  Whether it is dealing with opposite sex or same sex friendships, we need to love and glorify the Lord in our interactions.  McLaughlin shares that she is accountable to a friend regularly for where her attractions are going, and she urges everyone to be open and accountable to someone, because sexual sin doesn't happen in a vacuum.  First Thessalonians 4 talks about how we should abstain from sexual immorality (verse 3) and yet at the same time love one another (verse 9).  

     Friendships with non-Christians are addressed.  McLaughlin shares more about some of her friendships with unbelievers.  They are respectful and loving relationships.  Her hope and desire is that these friends come to know Jesus, but she knows she can't make that choice for them.  She points out that we can't downplay the importance of the things we disagree on, because they deal with life and eternity.  At the same time, we can love and show respect, and really listen and hear people out, even when we disagree.  She advocates for living transparently before unbelieving friends, rather than hiding our weaknesses and pretending we have it all together.  Christians are not to avoid unbelievers and retreat into our little Christian cultures, nor are we to blend in with the world.  Jesus gave a better answer.  Christians are the light of the world (Matthew 5:14), and that's what we need to be in our relationships with unsaved friends.  

     The book closes talking about doing life together as Christians.  We are to lay down our lives, and that doesn't necessarily mean taking a bullet for them.  It might mean answering a late-night phone call and talking a friend through a crisis, when you'd rather sleep.  It might mean some other sacrifice.  But Christians should sacrificially love one another like that.  We must forgive each other, and if one sins, deal with it biblically.  There must be freedom in the friendship.  McLaughlin shares how she once lost a friendship because of her own sin, and this dear friend felt the need to step away.  True friendships have that freedom.  

      Friendships are vital relationships, but often underestimated.  Cherish the friends God has placed in your life today.  

You can view and order Rebecca McLaughlin's No Great Love: A Biblical Vision For Friendship here.

Snow Days

     Today, central Arkansas was hit with snow.  This isn't terribly common, but it happens.  Our 3-year-old, Tommy, was very excited!

     For much of my childhood, I didn't believe in snow.  I saw it on TV (usually movies about Santa Claus, whom I knew to be a fairy tale), and since snow was nonexistent in my real life,  I just assumed snow was invented for movies, but wasn't an actual thing that fell from the sky.    

My hometown of Riverside, California, marked just east of Los Angeles.  No snow!

    One of my family's favorite Christmas movies was always White Christmas.   It is still my favorite Christmas movie.  In the film, we see Bing Crosby and company go from Florida to Vermont, to experience "all that snow" (even singing a cute song about it on the train ride up).  When they arrive in Vermont, it is sunny and 68°.  As a child watching this, I actually thought the movie was trying to teach that there's no such thing as snow, and that the characters were mistaken in expecting snow at all (I guess I ignored the beginning and end of the movie, both of which have snow!).  That's how much I thought snow was a fantasy.  I would have staked my life on that as a child.  Snow wasn't real!  It goes to show people can stake their lives on things that are untrue. 

     The first time I saw snow at age 9, I screamed at the top of my lungs, and for a moment, I wondered if this meant magic was real too.  I had judged truth by my experience, and I had been wrong.  

     There is a spiritual message here.  Our experience can teach us things.  Sometimes experience is the best teacher, as they say.  God guides us and uses our experiences, And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28).  But we need to interpret our experiences in light of truth, not the other way around.   Our experiences are limited, just like my experience growing up in Riverside, California limited me from knowing snow was, in fact, a reality in many places.  As Christians, we need to go back to God's word to interpret everything that happens to us, and then, we can learn from our experiences.  Second Corinthians 4:8-9 (TLB) says, We are pressed on every side by troubles, but not crushed and broken. We are perplexed because we don’t know why things happen as they do, but we don’t give up and quit. We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going.

     Sometimes, it is easy to look at our present experience, and believe that's all there is for us.  But Second Corinthians 4:17 assures us, For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  (NIV).  

     Imagine the discouraged Israelite slaves in Egypt, believing all they had to look forward to was a lifetime of slavery.  That was their experience,  but the reality was, God was raising up Moses to deliver their people!  Imagine young David, the shepherd and youngest child.  His experience was taking care of sheep all day, but the reality was, God was going to make him king of His people!   Imagine Peter in prison, believing he was to be executed.  That was His experience,  but the reality was, Christians across town were praying for him, and God's angel was about to deliver him.  I think the reason Paul and Silas sang in prison (Acts 16) was to remind themselves what was real--not the dank, dark prison, but the glory of God!  Their circumstance wasn't the ultimate reality.

     Some people hold beliefs that are contrary to scripture, because experiences have led them to false conclusions, much like my incorrect conclusions about snow.

     As a little girl in Riverside, California,  I let my experience determine what I believed about the existence of snow.  I was incorrect.  We usually are when we look at truth in light of our experiences.   Do the opposite--look at experience in light of truth!  God has an eternal weight of glory for you!  

Biggest Regret to Biggest Triumph

     Thirty-two years ago today (December 31, 1991), I made a decision (which was really a non-decision) that is one of my biggest regrets to date.  Exactly a year and a half later (June 27-July 3, 1993), I had one of my best triumphs, which has led to everything in my life that came after, including adopting our son.  How did I go from one to the other?

1992, about halfway between the two incidents.  I'm the taller one.

     December 31, 1991, "I wish I could ground you for the rest of your life!"  My dad told me.  "I would ask you every day as long as we both lived, 'Why did you do it?'"  I imagined myself as a very old woman, trying to justify what I had done, and it sounded stupid in my mind, just as my excuses now sounded stupid.  

    I'm a pretty strong-minded person, and most of the sins and errors in my life tend to be in areas of stubbornness.  This time was different.  I had given in to peer pressure--one of the only times in my life, actually.  But it was bad.  

     I had saved up my money all year, doing odd jobs around the neighborhood and squirreling away my allowances.  A few days after Christmas, I had bought a brand-new bicycle.  It was the bike of my dreams.  I was thrilled, and very proud of it.  Earlier on New Years Eve, I had been out riding my new bike.  A friend who lived across the street (I'll call her Tiffany*) came over to visit, but when I wasn't there, she left a note for me in our open garage to come by her house when I got home.  I did, but by that time, she had some company over, so she was no longer available.  I just left the note sitting in the garage, on top of our guinea pig cage.  

     Not longer after this, I received four visitors.  Two were regular friends of mine, Lindsay and Sarah.  The other two, who were hanging out with them, I'll call Jennifer* and Amanda*.  Jennifer and Amanda were sisters, and were very popular in the neighborhood.  I knew them from just living in that community, but we weren't close friends (nor were we enemies).  They were hanging out with Lindsay and Sarah, and the four of them decided to come over and see my new bike. In our small neighborhood, word had gotten around that I had bought this cool bike, and they came by to see it.  I admit I was very flattered.  While these girls were hanging out with me in our garage, Jennifer saw the note Tiffany had left me earlier.  

     "What a stupid note!"  She said, holding it up.  As if to make her point, she read it aloud, and she and Amanda began laughing.  I didn't see the humor at all.  I explained that Tiffany had invited me over, but by the time I found her note, she was no longer available. 

 

     "What's wrong with her?  Why did she write you the note in the first place?  She should have just checked in with you later.  This was a mean note.  She was trying to get you to ditch us and go with her."

     "No she wasn't," I explained.  "You hadn't even come over when she wrote it.  And she was just inviting me.  She wasn't trying to get me to ditch anyone."  

     But Jennifer and Amanda kept arguing with me about how Tiffany had been mean to leave the note.  Over time, Lindsay and Sarah started to agree with them and threw in their two-cents.  To get them to move on, I finally shrugged and said, "Okay, the note was mean.  So what?"

     Jennifer then said I needed to write her a note, telling her not to write me notes anymore.  Do you see how stupid that is?  And hypocritical?  I fought them for about twenty minutes, but I finally gave in and wrote the note.  They wanted me to say a bunch of mean things in it, but I wouldn't.  The finished product basically said, Dear Tiffany, next time just come to my front door instead of leaving a note in the garage, because it could accidentally hurt someone's feelings.  Love Janelle.  Totally stupid, but not mean toward her.  

     "Now you need to go give it to her!"  Jennifer said.  

     We went and found Tiffany and her company playing in our neighborhood park.  I gave her the note, and the other four girls all laughed as we left.  I'm sure it seemed like a mean girl thing.  

     We went back and hung out in my garage, when Tiffany came to me.  "My mom wants to talk to you," she said.  I kind of knew I was in trouble.  I followed Tiffany (my so-called "friends" waited in the garage for me).  Tiffany's mother was livid, telling me I was never allowed to come to their house again, and how I was mean, etc.  I was kind of scared, because she was yelling at me in a way thats seemed out of proportion to the situation (and, getting ahead of myself, within two days, she relented and let Tiffany still be friends with me).  I can understand her Mama Bear coming out.  Even though I hadn't said anything unkind in the note, it probably came across that we ganged up on Tiffany.  I don't really blame her.  

     When she had said I wasn't allowed in their home anymore, I ran out the door and went home, where my dad was waiting for me.  He sent my "friends" in the garage home, and made me come in, where he continued the lecture Tiffany's mom had started.  

      The whole situation was stupid.  I was wrong to give into Jennifer and Amanda.  I should have just told them to take a hike.  They flattered me about my new bike, and I gave in.  As I sat in my room that evening, I thought, It's almost a new year.  I'm not going to do stuff like that in 1992.  I'm going to do better.  I never hung out with Jennifer and Amanda again.  My friendship with Sarah and Lindsay was kind of a fickle pre-teen friendship that really didn't last anyway.  I went out of my way to include and hang out with Tiffany in the coming months, until their family eventually moved.  

     Fast forward to summer of 1993.  I had the chance to attend youth camp.  I was different from the girl who had given into peer pressure.  I was sensitive to others.  I was deep, and tried to do right.  God had gotten a deeper hold on me.  I wanted to follow God's plan for my life.  I knew some of that included being at camp.

     When I first arrived at camp, I was befriended by two girls my age who were a lot of fun.  We really hit it off and had a lot in common. I really though I'd hang out with them all week.  But then, a few hours later, some new campers arrived.  One was another girl in our cabin, whom I'll call Lisa*.  Lisa was bright and beautiful, but had been through a lot of hurt.  She was in foster care.  Some of the others at camp began picking on her, initiated by some of the kids from her church group.  Even though I had a lot in common with these other girls, and I still considered them friends that week, I knew God was calling me to befriend Lisa, and show her God's love.  So I was her friend.  I spent all our free time together.  I listened to her, and I cried about the things she had been through.  I defended her against a few very mean girls from her church who wanted to spread rumors about her.  

     That week at camp, Lisa gave her life to the Lord, and I was able to see growth in her life in later years at camp, when we'd run in to each other again.  

     How did I go from being a preteen who gave into peer pressure to a youth who stood up to it, and defended a hurting friend?  What changed me?

     The school year between the two incidents, my closets friends (who were basically my security) all moved away within a short time.  I was the one being left out, and I had a teacher who disliked me and was hard on me.  I was lonely and insecure.  In the quiet of that time, I hungered for God.  I wanted to know and follow His plans.  I became compassionate, and by the time that camp rolled around, I was ready for what God had in store.  God used that hard time of loneliness in my life to make me more like Jesus.  God also used that week at camp in 1993 to sow a seed that would bloom 30 years later, when we adopted our little boy Tommy.  Second Corinthians 4:17 says, For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.  I can't even imagine all the ways God works, equipping us for what He has in store.  Look at that hard times in your life, and see what He was producing in you!  

This Present Darkness

     B-R-R-R-R-R-ING!  The telephone beside the bed jarred me awake in the wee hours that cold December morning, just a few days before Christmas.  Before I even lifted the receiver to my ear, I knew this call had to do with the battle...

     I will return to this story...

      For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.  Ephesians 6:12

     It is so easy to forget where the real battle is.  It is so easy to become angry at other people, when in reality, they are not our enemies.  Think of the person on this planet you disagree with the most.  Maybe some well-known world leader you think is dead wrong (and maybe they are dead wrong).  That person is not your enemy.  Maybe it's someone who has hurt you in a personal way, or hurt your family in a personal way.  That person is not your enemy.   

     Satan and his demonic followers are the real enemies.  Sometimes it's hard to remember who you're really fighting, because you can't see Satan, but you can see the problems he creates.  Satan and his demons would love to distract you by making you mad at other humans while they continue with their dirty work.  What is their dirty work?  Jesus said in John 10:10 that the thief (meaning Satan) comes to steal, kill and destroy.  We also know from John 8:44 that Satan is a liar, and the father of lies and has no truth in him.  From the very beginning, in Genesis 3, Satan has been getting people to doubt God.  He has had thousands of years to perfect his methods.  An example was given to me that compared demonic attacks to police profiling.  Police have profiles of different types of criminals that they use to catch criminals.  The enemy can't read your mind, but he can profile God's people, and perfect his attacks to hit you just the way he needs to render you ineffective.  He wants to keep people out of the kingdom of God, but once someone is a believer, he wants to ruin their effectiveness.  And he's had a lot of practice.  If you've ever felt a very personal attack, you are not alone.  Satan has done this to Christians all over the world, all throughout history.  People don't really change.  It comforts me to imagine someone hundreds of years ago serving the Lord, being hit with a similar dart to the one I might have been hit with, having the same struggle, and yet moving forward in victory anyway.  

     If the last paragraph scares you, take heart.  There are several things to be encouraged about.  First of all, there are twice as many angels on God's side as their are demons on Satan's (see Revelation 12:4, which is about how 1/3 of the angels followed Satan at his rebellion.  This mathematically means 2/3 stayed with God, leading us to logically conclude that the ratio of angels to demons is 2:1).  Second, Jesus has all the power (Mathew 28:19).  Third, Satan will ultimately lose and be thrown into the Lake of Fire forever (Revelation 20:10).   Fourth, Jesus has already won over the powers of darkness (Colossians 2:15--He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him.).  Fifth, we have the armor of God to stand against the schemes of the devil (Ephesians 6:11).  Sixth, if we are submitted to God, we have the authority to resist Satan, and he has to flee (James 5:7).  

     Back to the first paragraph I started out with, I received an early-morning call.  It turned out to be from a teenager girl from my church.  Two days earlier, I had given her a new Bible as an early Christmas present.  She already had my phone number, but for reasons I didn't even understand, I felt compelled to write my home number on the inside cover of the Bible.  As I handed it to her, I said (again, not sure why), "If you need anything, you can call me any hour of the day or night."  I didn't expect anything to come of it, but I only had to wait two days.  The call ended up being from this beautiful young woman. She was crying, and told me they were being attacked.  

     Instantly alert, I sat up in bed.  "Attacked?"  All the previous day, I had felt a deep oppression in my spirit.  I felt condemnation.  My brain was awash with guilt for ways I could have done certain things differently in past situations (even if those things weren't sinful).  Voices from people in past battles told me I wasn't good enough and never would be.  Certain things that hurt me long ago became present struggles again.  I couldn't breathe.  So now, hours later, after only a little bit of fitful sleep, I was instantly wide awake, feeling validation.  Something real was going on.  

     The gist of the story was, this girl from church had a friend spending the night, and this friend started manifesting a demon, and confessed to being a witch, having asked Satan to control her life.  I ended up going down there.  It's hard for me to describe everything from that time, but Jesus was victorious, and this demon (whom I did see) knew he was defeated.  The Holy Spirit had the power in that room.  I know there were angels in there, outnumbering the demon(s).  I felt boldness I didn't really possess, but it was the strength of the Lord, spoken of in Ephesians 6:10.  

     After the victory, I went home, and was suddenly exhausted--for weeks.  I struggled with overwhelmed feelings I couldn't explain, and complete fatigue.  But God had been that strength when I needed Him to be so much in that battle.  

     We don't always know the battles we're winning.  Sometimes, all we see is the battle in our lives.  C.S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters give an insightful quote about the troughs (valleys of difficulty) and peaks (times of goodness): “Now, it may surprise you to learn that in His efforts to get permanent possession of a soul, [God] relies on the troughs even more than on the peaks; some of His special favorites have gone through longer and deeper troughs than anyone else... It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be... He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles.”

     Those moments of difficulty that seem like defeat are actually victories in God's eyes.  I remember during one of the darkest times of my life, someone on the radio made the statement that we see in parts, but God sees the whole story, and I clung to that for all I was worth.  If you are feeling defeated today, take heart.  Jesus has overcome, and so will you.  For everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. (First John 5:4).  Don't quit before the miracle!  God has plans for you!

Another Gospel?

     Why did Jesus come to earth?  There are a lot of possible answers, but only one ultimate reason.  Jesus did a lot while He walked this earth.  He experienced life as we do, so as to empathize with us (and be our Great High Priest, Hebrews 4:14-16).  He performed miracles (multiple references in the Gospels).  He taught (Matthew 5-7 most notably, but multiple other references in the Gospels).  He loved those others hated or ignored (Luke 8:26-39; John 4--among many others).  He set an example for us (First Peter 2:21).  He spoke truth to those who didn't want to hear it (John 8).  All of those and more were part of the Father's plan for Jesus coming to earth.  But none of those are the actual reason.  The reason Jesus came was to fulfill God's promise to send a Savior to crush Satan's head (Genesis 3:15) and bring people to a right relationship with God.  Jesus took the penalty for our sinfulness, so that, by faith, we can take on His righteousness.  He wants a relationship with us now, and forever in Heaven.  That is why Jesus came.  He did something for us we could never have done for ourselves.  

     I recently saw a Christian Facebook page I usually agree with share a post about how Jesus came to start a movement of inclusiveness.  The exact words in the article were: Jesus, a teacher and carpenter's son, could have called up an army or built an empire. But instead, he sought to show how faith can spark a movement of love and inclusivity.  Technically, there could be truth to this statement.  Jesus was a teacher and carpenter's son, but it concerns me that this is all the article called Him, rather than acknowledging Him as the Son of God, God the Son, our Savior and Redeemer.  Secondly, it is true that Jesus could have built an earthly empire (and some even wanted to make Him their earthly king--John 6:14-15), and yet He chose not to do so.  It's also true that Jesus did include others.  But that isn't why Jesus came.  That isn't why Jesus refused to overthrow the Romans and start His own earthly kingdom.  His reason was to die for our sins, making it possible to save us!  And yes, that is a form of inclusivity, to make salvation available to all.  But that wasn't even what the writer of the article was getting at.  He was talking about just including people, no relation to salvation. 

     There are a lot of facets to the idea of inclusivity.  It's not fun to be left out.  I remember in 5th grade, a mean girl in our social circle braggingly told me her parents were taking her to Disneyland for her birthday, and she could invite anyone she wanted, but she decided to invite everyone in our class except me.  I felt terrible, especially the day after the party when everyone showed up with their Disneyland souvenirs.  But Jesus didn't come to earth so that mean girls would be forced to invite me to their birthday parties.  His Spirit should lead us toward kindness and reaching out, but that wasn't why Jesus came.  A lot of time, inclusivity these days is a code word for having to agree with everyone and everything, and accepting all behavior and lifestyles as being normal and good.  Jesus did not come to teach that at all.  To say He did is false teaching.  Even a more mild form of inclusivity, such as being kind and loving to all (which we should be doing as Christians) is not the reason Christ came, and to say it is, or to isolate that without looking at the real reason, is a false gospel!  

This was the picture with the article

     Galatians 1:8 says But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach to you a gospel contrary to the one we preached to you, let him be accursed.  We use this verse a lot with Mormons, because their books teach another gospel from what is presented in the Bible.  But the Mormons are not the only ones with another gospel.  The writer of the article I mentioned seems to be promoting a false gospel by saying Jesus came to show how faith can spark a movement of love and inclusivity (while emphasizing Him being a teacher and carpenter's son without mentioning His divinity).  Likewise, it is wrong for people to say Jesus came to set an example, and isolate that.  Or for people to say, Jesus came to speak truth to power.  These things happened, as stated in scripture, but they are only part of the bigger story, the story which culminated in Christ's death and resurrection, and result in our eternal salvation!  Some people not only make these other things the focus, taking attention away from the cross, but also twist them.  

     Liberation theology is something I've run into in recent years, and it really focuses on Jesus speaking truth to power.  Sometimes, emphases are made on this, to the point that the cross isn't even mentioned, and they even imply Jesus has a problem with any person who holds to the foundational beliefs in a changing culture, comparing such people to the pharisees.  It should be understood that the pharisees were not following God's laws.  They were just fakes, and were adding to what God had actually said in many cases.  If they really loved God, and were obeying what had been written in the Old Testament, Jesus would have commended them, and told them, in essence, "You're almost there!  That's why I came!"  Nicodemus was a pharisee, and he sought Jesus out to question Him, and Jesus didn't rebuke or blast him.  He told him the Gospel message.  

     Jesus didn't come against the pharisees, or anyone else, for being conservative, or holding to sound doctrine.  Jesus came against them for failing to believe in Him, and misleading others in the process.  Jesus came to fulfill the law and the prophets, not do away with them (Matthew 5:17).  If the believers in scripture in Jesus' day had been in error in their understanding of the Old Testament, Jesus would have told them this.  He clarified it (especially in the Sermon on the Mount where He pointed out several examples of how sin starts in the heart, IE: looking with lust being equated with adultery, and anger toward someone being equated with murder), but in all of this, Jesus didn't deny anything that was stated in the Old Testament.  For this reason, we can completely rely on the Old and New Testaments.  If something believed by the people had been false, Jesus would have corrected it when he was on earth.  For example, if the creation account in Genesis wasn't actually true, He would have said, "Hey, you know, the creation story Moses wrote down?  Well, it's a metaphor.  God didn't really create the earth in six days."  or "You know, when Moses wrote in Leviticus 20:13 how it is an abomination for a man to be in a sexual relationship with another man?  Well, that's not what it really means."  But Jesus never corrected any of this, because it was all God's true word in the first place.  Jesus didn't come to simply challenge the status quo, and neither should we, unless the status quo is wrong.  A pastor I greatly respect used to say, "The goal isn't to be radical.  The goal is to be right."  This means to conform our beliefs to the truth.  

     The apostles were very clear about what the gospel was.  They were willing to die, not for speaking out to power, or being inclusive, or setting an example, or any other aspect of Jesus' actions, but for the real gospel.  Peter's sermon in Acts 2 centered on Jesus' death and resurrection.  Stephen's defense to the Sanhedrin in Acts 7 was about the Old Testament pointing to Israel's (and everyone's) sinfulness and need of a Savior, and touched on Jesus' death.  Paul said in First Corinthians 1:23, But we preach Christ crucified...  

     To return to the article about being inclusive, I believe including others is godly and right--something Jesus did and would urge us to do.  Including doesn't mean we have to agree or affirm what they are doing.  It means we treat them kindly and thoughtfully, and make room for them in our churches.  We treat them like real people, not just case studies (some churches want to reach a certain demographic, and they treat these people like a commodity instead of a person).  I have been in churches where I didn't fit with their target audience, and was made to feel less important, and unwanted.  Another time, my husband and I attended a church where we did fit that exact demographic they were going for, and it felt fake, as if by having us there, they met some sort of quota instead of becoming our friends or ministering to us.  Being on either side of that kind of inclusivity really hurts.  Make sure you really know what including people should look like.  And even genuine, loving, Christlike versions of including others isn't the gospel.    There are many false gospels out there, some even stated by well-meaning Christians.  Anything other than Christ crucified and resurrected is not the gospel, and if anyone says it is, run away fast!  It's another gospel!  

Praying for Demas

      This is an entirely hypothetical story, but imagine the Apostle Peter gets a letter from his good old friend Thaddeus (or Simon the Zealot, or one of the other original disciples).  It's been so long!  He excitedly opens the letter, to receive a message that this close friend, with whom Peter learned under Jesus, and served mightily, and witnessed the greatest miracles in history, is no longer following Christ.  History records that all the disciples besides John died for the faith, so we know this isn't a true scenario, but supposing this happened, how would Peter feel to receive such a letter from such a dear friend with whom he'd shard so much?  He would be devastated.  His heart would be ripped out of his chest.  His mind would go back to those precious days when they sat under Jesus, learning from Him, only coming to know Him for real after the Resurrection.  After that, they were even more resolved!  They shared precious memories, probably inside jokes between them, and maybe some petty exchanges everyone would rather forget.  They were true Christian friends, with a bond nothing short of Heaven could improve on.  How would Peter suddenly feel to have one of these dear friends confide that he no longer serves Christ?  

     This year, I have had two very dear friends (I'll call them Shari* and Lisa*) I have served the Lord with in the past confide that they no longer follow Christ or believe in Christianity.  I just think of all the spiritual victories these friends and I won together.  I think of a time Shari and I were doing evangelism in a large Midwestern city, a rough part of town.  While I shared the Gospel with some boys, Shari prayed silently, keeping distractions at bay.  About halfway through my sharing, something like gunshots sounded, scaring me to death.  Shari pleaded with the Almighty to stop the noise, and keep it from distracting from the Gospel presentation.  It turned out someone was playing with firecrackers, and God answered Shari's prayer, because it stopped before I got to the invitation.  After these boys came to the Lord, Shari and I embraced, feeling we had fought a real battle.  I think of Lisa and me serving together as teenagers, and becoming ministry leaders as young women.  I think of all the wise and encouraging things she has said to me over the years.  I think of the times both of these friends have prayed with me, and served with me.  We encountered Jesus in real, deep ways together.  Ways that were so real I could never deny it was Him.  We experienced joy--real joy--prelude to Heaven joy.  And yet...somehow, they walked away from that.  Lisa even confessed to me that she had been avoiding me because she didn't want to talk about it with me, and said we don't have anything in common now.  Uncertain what to say, I told her that I was open to hearing about all she had been through, but no pressure.  After that, I told her, "You know who I am, and where I stand, so I'll leave it in your court if you choose to keep in touch, but know I'll always care about you and value you."  I didn't know what else to say.  Afterwards, I was left wondering if I said too much, or too little, or if I had left the door wide-enough open, or too widely-open.  

     Shari's confession was a few months ago, and saddened me.  Lisa's was just this week, and now both of them are hitting me.  How do we deal with dear Christian friends who leave the faith?  Does the Bible address this?  

     Theologically, there are a few positions.  Some Christians, whom I love and respect very much, but disagree with, site Hebrews 6:4-6 as evidence that a believer can forfeit his salvation and become unsaved again.  I have addressed this a lot more in-depth in other posts, and this isn't my main point today, but I believe in the eternal security of the Christian, as I see it as much more consistent with the entirety of scripture.  A verse we teach the children in our ministry is Hebrews 13:5b, ....I will never leave you nor forsake you.  We are sealed with the Spirit (Ephesians 1:3).  No one can pluck us out of Jesus hand, or the Father's hand (John 10:28-29).  Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ (Romans 8:38-39).  If we are faithless, He remains faithful (Second Timothy 2:13).  He will continue the good work He began in us (Philippians 1:6).  He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1:4).  Jesus is interceding for us (Romans 8:34).  We also know there are saved individuals who will be in Heaven, but won't have any rewards, because they didn't follow Christ fully (First Corinthians 3:10-15).  There are also those who were never saved to begin with (Matthew 7:23).  It's a lot to wade through theologically.  We don't always know where our friends are at when they claim to no longer believe.

     So, aside from the theological aspect of our backsliding friends' eternal salvation, how are we supposed to feel about these kinds of losses?  To be honest, I feel almost a sense of rejection.  But even as this feeling comes to me, I am reminded of what God said to Samuel in First Samuel 8:7, when the people demanded a king, because they have not rejected you, but they have rejected Me.  This isn't personal toward me, and I never thought it was.  It is toward the Lord, and that is why it hurts so much.  Psalm 42:4 comes to mind, When I remember these things, I pour out my soul in me: for I had gone with the multitude, I went with them to the house of God, with the voice of joy and praise, with a multitude that kept holyday.  That is how I feel about friends like Shari and Lisa (and others as well).  We went to God's house together.  We worshipped the Lord together.  We did battle together.  We saw victories together.  We laughed and cried together, and made very precious memories that are part of my spiritual journey, and very special to me.  Particularly with Lisa, all I could think was, "I never thought it would be you!"  

     I started with the hypothetical question of how Peter would feel if one of his fellow disciples walked away.  Well, one of them did.  Judas.  I wonder if they grieved that loss?  Since Judas never saw the real reason for Christ coming, and didn't serve after the resurrection with them, it might not have been as hard, but I'm sure there was a sense of betrayal (not just for Jesus, but for the other disciples).  We don't know how Peter reacted to this, or how he would have reacted to one of the other disciples in the imagined (and thankfully untrue) scenario I began with, but we do know how the Apostle Paul would address it, because he did.  

     In Colossians 4:14, Paul mentions Demas, and merely says that he sends greetings.  We don't know a whole lot about this Demas, except that he was part of the early church.  He served with Paul in some way.  Demas is also mentioned in the closing of Philemon, listing Demas as one sending greetings (among some others).  Later, in Second Timothy 4:10, shortly before Paul's death, he tells Timothy, For Demas, in love with this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessalonica... This verse always makes me want to weep, and more so after these two friends' confessions to me.  I'm sure Paul was grieved.  If he discipled Demas, he may have asked himself, "What did I do wrong?" even if he didn't do anything wrong.  If he was more of an "equal" with Demas, like I was with Shari and Lisa, maybe he replayed again and again in his mind all the times they served together, the victories they won, how real it all seemed to Demas then, and wondered how it all changed for him?  Maybe Demas' love of this world was shallow and materialistic.  Or maybe he struggled deeply with the persecution and difficulties of ministry, and just broke down and left for a while.  Maybe he had a real crisis.  We just don't know.  I hope he came back to a close walk with Christ before his death, and started storing up treasures in Heaven again.  One commentary I read suggested that Philemon may have been written after Second Timothy, and the reference to him there means that Demas was restored.  This does not gel with most commentators on the Pauline epistles, who firmly say Second Timothy was Paul's final letter, but it would be encouraging to think this.  

     What about our own personal Demases?  I know many more than just Shari and Lisa, though those two are some of the most intense relationships that this happened with.  What do we do for them?  We pray!  We fight for them on our knees as fervently as we fought with them in the spiritual battles of the past.  We are to love our fellow laborers to the end, just as Jesus did (John 13:1).  We should never give up.  We should never underestimate the power of the Holy Spirit.  While chasing them down probably isn't the most effective way to bring them back, being available can go a long way.  If these friends want to talk and share, listen to them.  Show compassion.  Validate their experiences without validating the conclusions they have drawn.  Whatever they've been through is very real, even if the choices they made as a result were wrong.  Try to understand, but never compromise on the truth.  God's word is the truth we stand on, and we can let our friends know that's where we stand, even as we love and listen.  

     Finally, we keep on running our own race.  I love Shari and Lisa, but their troubles can't stop me from doing as I've been called to do.  I can grieve.  I can cry out to God on their behalf.  But I can't stop running my own race.  We keep running!  That's what Paul did.  I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.  All that joy I experienced serving Christ and winning spiritual battles wasn't from Shari, Lisa or any other mortal.  It was Christ in His glory, and we will see that infinity-fold in Heaven.  That's why we do what we do!  Keep running your race today!  But pray for Demas as you do.