Almost but not Quite

      I was recently going through some change I had in my purse, and came across this Canadian quarter.  Here are the heads and tails pictures of it.

     

     This quarter feels exactly like a US quarter.  It is exactly the same size as a US quarter.  Without looking closely, it would be very easy to think it is a US quarter.  Somehow, it made it into circulation in the US, and somehow was given to me as change somewhere, and I didn't notice and accepted it (and probably the person who gave it to me didn't notice it and had accepted it, maybe all the way back to its original circulation in the US).  But guess what?  In spite of the fact that this coin has been used, and was given to me in a transaction, it isn't American money.  It isn't backed up by the United States government.  And yet functionally, it has been used as an American quarter.  In actuality, it is worth about 19 cents in American money, not the 25 cents it was being used to pay.  

     This is not my first time getting Canadian money, although it isn't something I've experienced terribly often.  I've even gotten British money a time or two.  I think most times foreign coins enter circulation in our country (or any country) it is probably an accident.  It would be interesting to know the stories behind all these coins that got into US usage.  But as relatively harmless as this is, it gives way to a deeper thought.  How do we let wrong things get into our lives?  Into our churches?  Into our homes?  Things that seem right, but aren't?  Wrong teachings make their way into Biblically-established churches.  Wolves in sheep's clothing make their way into positions of leadership.  How do we let that happen?  How can we prevent it?  

     Jude verse 4 (Jude only has one chapter) says, For certain people have crept in unnoticed who long ago were designated for this condemnation, ungodly people, who pervert the grace of our God into sensuality and deny our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ.  The previous verse tells us to contend for the faith.  This is what we must do if we discover these false believers.  But how do we prevent their infiltration to begin with?  Like Canadian quarters, they look like the real thing.  They feel like the real thing.  But they aren't.  

     How do you determine a quarter is an American or Canadian quarter?  You look at it.  Look at the inscription.  Look at whose likeness is on it.  If you take a moment to do that, it's simple.  As Christians, we need to put that same effort in looking at people and teachings coming into our churches as we'd take to look at money to determine its origin.  How does this person's words line up with the Bible?  What fruit is he or she bearing?  

     About 20 years ago, when I was finishing up Bible college, a man rose to prominence in the Christian community.  His name was Rob Bell, and he was known for his Nooma videos.  To get our reactions, our Bible college made us watch these short videos weekly (they were each about 10 minutes or so).  This man went on to rise up the ladder of Christian fame.  Several periodicals predicted that Rob Bell would become the next Billy Graham.  He was praised all over the place. Until one day, he went too far.  In 2011, he wrote the book Love Wins, which seemed to promote a universalist view that there is no hell, and no need of salvation.   And like that, he was no longer an evangelical hero.  Many felt let down.  Not me.  Not in 2011.  My letdown with him had come much earlier, back when we had watched his Nooma videos my senior year of Bible college (and I guess he continued making them for some years after I graduated, so I haven't seen them all).  

     While Rob Bell was a rising Christian star, I already saw that what he was promoting was about as real as a Canadian quarter in US circulation.  His videos didn't say anything outrightly heretical, but several of them criticized evangelism, and said we should focus on just making this world a better place, and not focus on eternity.  This is so contrary to the Bible, which urges us to evangelize (Matthew 28:19-20, Mark 16:15, Acts 1:8) and focus on the eternal (First John 2:17, And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.  Second Corinthians 4:18, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.). 

     Rob Bell used verses here and there to support what he was saying, but he used them out of context to give a wrong message.  For example, in his most anti-evangelism video, Bullhorn, he uses John 3:17, which states, God sent not his son into the world to condemn the world... and he used it to say we should never share anything negative about sin or separation from God, or even a need of a savior, because it's too condemning.  His conclusion was that we should just be kind to everyone and that was enough.  This is not what Jesus was saying at all in John chapter 3.  In that chapter, He said that unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.  Rob Bell conveniently left that part out.  In fact, he left off the last half of John 3:17, which says, ...but that the world through Him might be saved.  The Gospel is the Good News, not the Bad News!  But there has to be bad news in order to get to the solution we all need.  Would you rather have a doctor who says, "The tests show you have cancer, but we have a 100% guaranteed treatment plan for you, and you're going to be fine if you let us help you," or a doctor who sees your tests reveal that you have cancer, but tells you, "You're fine, just as you are!  Don't worry about it." It seemed to me Rob Bell was advocating the latter response. 

     I saw he was wrong, but nobody at the time listened to me.  They heard the verses he quoted.  They heard some things he said that made sense (for example, in the Bullhorn video, he is making fun of street preachers who shout the Gospel through a bullhorn, as if it's this big problem in our society. I agree it makes sense that that isn't the best type of witnessing technique, and people saw that and just agreed with him).  I have seen very few of these types of evangelists in my life.  While they may not be doing the most effective form of evangelism, that doesn't nix all evangelism.  Rob Bell used an extreme to preach against something Jesus commanded.  Nobody was picking up on that.  Rob Bell had to get to the point of heresy before the Christian world at large started to question him.  They should have questioned him much sooner.  He was making evangelists his enemy, instead of Satan.  He was making friends with the world, another thing warned against in scripture (James 4:4, Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God?). Once his heresy was evident, the Christians did right and contended for the faith.  But it could have been prevented, and it requires us to carefully compare what is said to God's word, and listening to other Christians who might have a concern.  My concern was ignored by everyone, because they took him at face value.  We can't take anyone at face value!  We need to be asking questions.  What are the implications of what this person is saying?  What heart attitude are they pressing on us?  Is the Bible being used rightly, or ignored altogether--or even misused?  

     The Holy Spirit can give us discernment to distinguish truth from error.  When we find ourselves face to face with outright evil, we need to contend, just like I found myself in possession of a Canadian quarter, and I choose to remove it from circulation and just keep it as a reminder.  But before it ever comes to that, we need to be focused so much on the Word of God that when something doesn't quite line up, we can spot it and contend much earlier, before more damage is done!  

     This Canadian coin will serve as a reminder to me, and I hope to always use discernment to distinguish what is real from what isn't quite.  Almost but not quite isn't good enough.  

The Faith of Laura Ingalls Wilder

      Jesus said in Matthew 12:37,  for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.  This verse used to scare me when I was younger.  I thought it was saying that you could lose your salvation if you said something you shouldn't.  However, that is not what this passage means.  In context, Jesus was saying that what people say really reflects what they believe inside.  A few verses earlier, verse 34, states, ...For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.  We can determine what someone really believes based on what comes out of their heart, and that can be determined by what they say.  If you want to study this passage more in-depth, I recommend the Enduring Word online Commentary (link at the end of this post).  

     It follows, then, if we can determine beliefs based on what someone says, let's examine the faith of one of American history's most beloved authors, Laura Ingalls Wilder.  What did Laura's faith consist of?  

     Laura Ingalls was born in 1867 in Wisconsin.  In her 90-year sojourn on this planet, she went from the pioneer days of covered wagons, wood stoves, log cabins, dugouts, and one-room schoolhouses to a modern world of automobiles, radios, movies, television, credit cards, and fast food.  Another way to look at it is, her lifetime took America from President Andrew Johnson (one President after Lincoln) to Dwight D. Eisenhower.  To give still more context, the hit TV show Leave it to Beaver aired a few months after her passing.  That's right.  Laura Ingalls and Eddie Haskell could have met!  All joking aside, as the 20th century came and moved forward, Laura worried that modern children wouldn't know what life had been like for her generation, which led her to write her famous and beloved Little House series.  I, myself, read these books in elementary school.  Laura was able to bring back another time, another America even, that had been buried.  We can treasure her stories and what they teach us about life in the second half of the 19th century. 

     Possibly equally as enduring as the books, the television program Little House on the Prairie aired from 1974-1983, and continued in syndication.  It is still one of my favorite shows.  Because of the books and show, decades of readers and viewers are familiar with the Ingalls family and their friends.  There are 5 museums and/or markers that serve as tourist destinations for fans of Laura Ingalls Wilder (these are in Pepin, Wisconsin; De Smet, South Dakota; Walnut Grove, Minnesota; Mansfield, Missouri; and Independence, Kansas).  

     It is important to note that the books are fiction, though based on Laura's real life.  The TV show is based loosely on the books, and is even further from the reality from which it was taken.  To know the real truth about Laura Ingalls Wilder, we need to dig a little deeper. 

     So what did this interesting woman believe?  Was Laura Ingalls Wilder a Christian?  Will we see her in Heaven?  She isn't here to ask, but the words she said in her lifetime can tell us a lot about her faith.  

     I recently read the book A Prairie Faith, The Religious Life of Laura Ingalls Wilder, by John J. Fry.  Fry attempts to ascertain what Laura really believed about God, faith, Christianity, the Bible, and religion in general.  I'll put a link to this very interesting book at the end of this post.  I'm not going to give away everything from the book, so I still encourage you to read it.  I enjoyed it.  

     Charles and Caroline Ingalls, Laura's parents, were devout.  A book they especially treasured was Persuasives to Early Piety, an evangelistic book written by Baptist minister John Gregory Pike.  This book was given to them by Caroline's mother as a wedding present.  They kept it throughout their lives and moves, and eventually passed it on to Laura, who also kept it.  This book talks about sin, and need of salvation, and how to place one's faith in Christ alone for salvation.  It is encouraging that Charles and Caroline (and later Laura) held this book as important.  Perhaps it is an indication of their own faith.

     When Charles and Caroline Ingalls lived in community, they were church members.  During Laura's early years, they lived far from any worship services, but they observed Sunday as a sacred day at home.  Charles played hymns on his fiddle.  Praise for the Fountain Opened was a family favorite (many of us are more familiar with this song as being titled There is a Fountain Filled with Blood).  This hymn's lyrics are biblical and evangelistic, with a clear presentation of Christ's shed blood and death on behalf of believers, and salvation being possible through Him.  Again, the importance of this and other hymns to the Ingalls family could be an indication of saving faith.  

     As the Ingalls family lived in town as Laura got a little bit older, church became a bigger part of her life.  Their family mostly attended the Congregational church, though as a young teen in Walnut Grove, Laura also attended the Methodist youth group, which met at a different time than her family's Congregational church.  She participated in a scripture memory competition, in which she memorized 100 verses, and was given a study Bible.  Faith, church, and Christianity appear to be more central to her during this period than at any other point in her entire life.  During this time, she prayed, internalized scripture through memorization, and attended two different churches, including revival services both had.  

     While Charles, Caroline, and Laura's older sister Mary all joined their Congregational church, Laura was never a member.  She never joined any church during her lifetime, though she remained a regular attender always.  She seemed to prefer Congregational and Methodist churches throughout her life.  As an older teenager, Laura boarded with some Presbyterians, and when they shared their Calvinistic faith with her, Laura was said to respond that if this were true, she was already saved or not saved, so why bother?  It appears her words were received humorously, and would be replied to, "Oh! My! My! That Laura Ingalls!"  It seems she didn't think much of Presbyterian theology.  Her answer could be seen as sarcasm toward Calvinism specifically, or an outright indication of taking eternal truths in general lightly.  

L-R, Carrie, Mary and Laura Ingalls

     Laura appeared to have a quiet faith.  She seems to have been uncomfortable with overt evangelism or those who spoke outwardly about their Christianity.  A particular man who joined their church after a revival often testified in Wednesday night prayer meetings about what God had done for him, and his walk with God.  Laura wrote about this: It somewhat offended my sense of privacy.  It seems to me that the things between one and God should be between him and God like loving ones mother.  One didn't go around saying 'I love my mother, she has been so good to me.'  One just loved her and did things she liked one to do.  I find this personally discouraging.  This means Laura would have had a problem with the Great Commission, and the Apostles' undying stand for the Gospel.  Maybe as a 19th Century American, she was able to quietly practice her faith, but the early church was anything but quiet in their practice of Christianity!  It makes me wonder how real it was to Laura, if she could keep it quiet.  I think Laura would have had a problem with me, personally.  I share the Gospel, and have gotten into trouble at times from other "quiet" Christians who didn't approve of sharing their faith openly.  This is an unbiblical way to view evangelism, since we are commanded to preach the Gospel to all creation (Mark 16:15).  The Holy Spirit empowers evangelism (Acts 1:8).  Being against speaking of God openly is to be against a work of the Spirit, and Christ's command.  Not everyone is outgoing, and God wouldn't want someone to try to be someone they're not.  Not everyone has the overt gift of evangelism.  But to be offended by those who do is a problem.  We can't hide our faith under a bushel.  This does not mean Laura was not a born-again Christian, but it is uncomfortable to me, in light of some experiences I have had.  

     While Laura never joined a church as a member, she and her eventual husband Almanzo Wilder were active members of the Eastern Star, a Masonic group.  Masons must believe in a higher power, but are not required to commit to a particular religion.  There is a lot about Freemasonry that is unknown to me, and I have been led by some accounts to wonder if this is a group all Christians should avoid.  I do not know what Laura's involvement in the Eastern Star indicates.  I will not comment further on this information.  

     Laura and Almanzo's only living child, Rose Wilder Lane, did not adopt the Christian faith for herself.  This is not their fault, again, only an observation.  

     Laura wrote for their local paper for many years, and only a handful of articles mention God or spiritual themes, and even those are pretty surface-level Christianity.  God-fearing themes fill Laura's Little House books.  Stories of attending Sunday school, saying prayers, and honoring the Sabbath fill their pages.  I think I agree with John Fry, who concludes that Christianity was important to Laura Ingalls Wilder, but not central to her life.  Was she a born-again Christian?  I'll put it this way.  If she wasn't, she was without excuse, because she was surrounded by it.  If she was, then it had that effect on her eternity.  

     The big takeaway for me, and my challenge to you, is to live in such as way that, after you die, no one will have to guess or speculate whether or not you were saved.  Share the Gospel.  Make a stand for Christ, however God has led and gifted you for that.  We're all different, and it's okay to be you!  Just don't leave any question about what you believe about Jesus!  As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry. (Second Timothy 4:5).

     

To read Enduring Word Commentary on Matthew 12, click here.

To view A Prairie Faith, The Religious Life of Laura Ingalls Wilder click here. 

Unity

     How important is unity?  Biblically, it is very important.  But not all calls for unity are biblical unity.  It's important to know the difference.

      "Satan is using you to attack me!" the woman accused, looking scared, refusing to make eye contact.  This woman and I were supposed to be teamed up for a ministry, but we really didn't gel well,  That happens.  But I had just caught her in a lie, and I confronted this.  I wasn't able to let it go.  Rather than admit it, or deny it and try to explain that I perceived it differently than she had intended, she flew into attack mode.  Satan was using me to attack her, supposedly.  "You're destroying the unity!"  She continued.  I saw that I was getting nowhere with her, and I let it go for the time being, which turned out to be a big mistake, because the problem only got worse. 

     I have found that nine times out of ten, when someone shows concern about unity, it is really a misdirection to avoid being held accountable.  So many times, I have seen wrongdoers immediately go into the unity speech.  But before they did their wrong deed, they weren't interested in unity.  They were interested in their agenda.  

     When someone calls for unity, more often than not, they are asking you to compromise your heartfelt beliefs and convictions, ignore problematic behavior that will only get worse, refuse to hold others accountable, and pretend things are acceptable when they are not.  I have seen this in families, churches, ministries, communities, and political arenas.  

     Unity is only as good as what you're unified around.  In Christianity, we are unified around the truth of the Bible, and the Gospel message that Christ died for our sins and rose again.  These things are central in our focus.  There are times when people let issues in the background become too important, and lose that unity with fellow believers.  Paul addressed two women in Philippians 4:2-3, I beseech Euodias, and beseech Syntyche, that they be of the same mind in the Lord.  And I intreat thee also, true yokefellow, help those women which laboured with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and with other my fellowlabourers, whose names are in the book of life.  There are times when we are called to put differences aside and focus on the fundamentals.  Psalm 133:1 gives this sentiment when it says, Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!  But these and other passages about unity do not mean that we have to call a truce with evil.  

     We are called to fight!  In Jude verse 3 (Jude only has one chapter) we are told to contend for the faith.  The next verse tells us For there are certain men crept in unawares, who were before of old ordained to this condemnation, ungodly men, turning the grace of our God into lasciviousness, and denying the only Lord God, and our Lord Jesus Christ.  So we know here we are to fight when it comes to evil creeping into Christianity, especially wrong teaching about Jesus.  We are to fight that!  

     In First Kings, we see Elijah making a stand against Ahab and Jezebel.  He didn't try to have unity with them.  In fact, all the prophets ran into these situations, where they had to speak out and, on the surface, seem to cause disunity.  What they were really doing was fighting against evil for what was right.  We are never to make a peace treaty with evil.  We are not to be unified with what isn't of God.  Second Corinthians 6:14 says, Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?  This verse is often used to teach against Christians dating and marrying unbelievers, and that is one way it can rightfully apply.  But it is really an even broader application.  Light and darkness don't mix.  Truth and error don't mix.  Good and evil don't mix.  This means we don't unify with evil ideas.  

     We are also called to wisdom, and told that God will give us wisdom if we ask (James 1:4-5).  Wisdom doesn't ignore problems for surface peace.  Wisdom is knowing how to address problems so that they don't affect the real unity.  In the scenario I stared with, this woman and I never had unity.  When I confronted her lie, and she accused me to destroying unity, she was really saying that I was shattering any illusions of peace we had on the surface.  But if we had real peace, she wouldn't have lied.  She wouldn't have had to accuse me to cover for her own sin.  I've seen other situations where someone did something very wrong, then told the wronged party they needed to move on and forgive and get over it.  They didn't want to be held accountable.  Don't let them distract you from doing right by their cries for unity.  Real unity matters, but sometimes, we have to go through unpleasant situations to get to it.  This means disturbing surface unity, because it isn't real.  What is real matters.  Don't sacrifice it for what isn't!  

Life's not fair...or is it?

      Life isn't fair, but I have found it isn't as unfair as we sometimes think.  Everyone has hurts and disappointments.  There was a time I'd look at people who didn't have the same difficulties I was facing and wondered if God loved them more (I theologically knew that wasn't true, but I wondered how they had somehow gotten His favor).  I wondered if certain people knew a secret I did not.  But the longer I live and see things play out, and hold all of it up to God's word, I see how life is hurtful, but God is our comforter.  

     Second Corinthians 1:4 says that God comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.  What a beautiful picture of being used by God to bring His healing to broken hearts.  

     A friend of mine really struggled with direction, finding a job, knowing where to live, etc.  I have never struggled with that.  I've always really fallen into the right things I'm supposed to be doing.  She could look at me and think about how unfair life is, and how I must know something she doesn't.  On the flip side, she didn't have the struggles in the dating world that I had before I was married. She married younger than I did, and after marriage she had no trouble conceiving.  I could look at her and compare my own journey in these areas and think how unfair it is.  You can apply this in so many ways.  Someone who has been severely abused, or someone who has lost a child or a spouse, can look at those who haven't yet faced these things, and think how unfair it is.  Our own experiences can really taint how we see others.  But everyone has gone through something.  We are broken, hurting people, and we need each other.  

     Sometimes, when we see the truth about other people's pain, it clarifies our own, and helps us not only be more compassionate, but feel a sense of validation that we are not alone.  

     I struggled with a series of events that occurred from early adolescence until my mid 20's.  These events, I see now, were a refiner's fire.  They purified me for God's service and really taught me a lot.  But it was hard, and it left me watching others and wondering what secret they knew that I didn't.  In order (and simplified for time's sake), here is a basic synopsis:

     1) Right as I was hitting adolescence, all of my closest friends left our church and small school within a few months, and I was left with a few very mean girls my age who continually left me out, and had the teacher (who didn't like my mother and took it out on me) around their finger so I was always the one who got in trouble for not playing their games.

     2) We finally joined a new church community, but the youth leader (it was a husband and wife couple, and I refer to the wife here) made a humiliating joke about my body publicly, and also made many other harsh and judgmental barbs against me.  There was a mean girl problem there too.  Eventually, as I got older and stepped up to serve the Lord, there was opposition in the church against a teenager sharing the gospel, and I was in trouble with church leadership.  I was so confused, because I was sharing Jesus, and leading others to salvation.  Why was I in trouble from people who should have been proud of me?  My family was kicked out of this church.  Again, I was humiliated.  By this time, I felt like a reject to other Christians, and I had panic attacks almost daily, where I couldn't breathe.  I wondered what secret all these other people knew that made them acceptable to the church but not me.  

     3) I went on a mission trip as a college student, and a young man pursued me, but inappropriately, and awakened desires in me that shouldn't have been aroused until my wedding night.  I both wanted him and was repulsed by him in that moment, and I rejected his advance.  The fallout from that was enormous.  As was my lot in life, I was in trouble for hurting him--he wasn't in trouble for his clumsy advance.  I was the bad one.  He was the sweet guy and I had a dirty mind.  This made me question my sanity.  Because I had liked him (just wanted him to pursue me less intensely), I tried again with him, but this gave him more opportunity to hurt me.  He talked about us getting married in several conversations, but then denied it when it suited him, and I was the one left with the hurt, loss and burning passion he had aroused.  He got off Scot-free, and went on his merry way without me.  I felt emotionally and even sexually gutted from the experience.  The few people I tried to confide in told me I was in the wrong and that he was godly and good.  I was given books such as Boy Meets Girl (now retracted by author Joshua Harris, whose own faith and marriage have ended), and Passion and Purity, by Elisabeth Elliot.  Both of these books (and others like them) were all about how men could do what they wanted and women had to just put up with it, and if they put down boundaries or questioned it, they were sinning.  I felt deep shame.  At the same time, I wondered, What magic or secret did all these people have that I didn't that made them acceptable but not me?  Was I genetically inferior?  Was I sub-human?  I felt like I was a peon in life, and all these other people who hurt me (like the mean girls, the hurtful church, the missionary guy, or the authors of the books I read) were at the top.  They were above question.  They got what they wanted.  They sat on their throne of popularity that I could never hope to have.  I was broken, and didn't realize that brokenness is a universally human condition.  

     All of these hurts combined inside of me, not dealt with, and colored how I saw and experienced everything.  I would look at others and think, as I had gotten in the habit of doing, "What do they know that I'm not privy to?"  What I didn't see was that they had hurts and problems too.  Just not the same ones as me.  

     I would go to women's Bible studies, and struggle with several panic attacks before and after (and force myself to act normal during the study) because being around so many women reminded me of the mean girls and female teachers in my past.  Being around married women who had never been dumped made me feel like I wasn't as good as they were, and wonder if they had followed all of Joshua Harris' and Elisabeth Elliot's rules.  Sometimes, even to this day, when I talk to people my age who nostalgically reminisce about going to youth group back in the 90's, and how fun and wonderful it was for them, I feel really jealous.  I didn't get to be a fun teenager.  I was too busy getting kicked out of church and rejected by people who were supposed to love me.  And I'm tempted, even now, to ask, "What secret were they following that I wasn't, for them to be accepted when I was rejected?"  The thing is, that's not a realistic way to think about it.  

     I got some healing, and in my walk with the Lord, I came to know some truths.  First, everyone has a cross to bear. If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.  (Matthew 16:24).  I came to know God's comfort experientially.  Sometimes, He was the only one I could turn to.  I went through a time in my early 20's, as I was dealing with all of this, that I took a pocket testament everywhere I went, even into the bathroom, because I couldn't bear to be parted from it.  It was my only lifeline to sanity.  Those were precious days with God, and He gave me treasures from His heart to mine.  In the midst of those worst days, I discipled a young women about four years younger than me, and she is a missionary today.  God was using me, even when I felt I had nothing to give.  Even when I felt rejected by other Christians, and the man who had said he wanted me.  There were so many victories back then, some I wasn't aware of at the time.  

     Everyone has their own set of struggles and insecurities.  If given enough time, we start to see that they aren't all at the top of the totem pole.  So many of my friends have experienced different hurts than me, and I've realized that it is just as heartrending as my own pain, sometimes even more.  Some of them have had hurts later in life than I did, but are now at a similar place to where I have been.  As I said, Joshua Harris, the poster child for purity culture, ended up divorced, as did several other purity culture icon couples that seemed on top of the world when I felt I was at the bottom.  I take no joy in that.  It grieves me.  I am so happily married, and I don't want to see anyone's family fall apart.  But it does show that all wasn't as perfect as it seemed.  They weren't better than me.  They didn't know a secret I didn't.  As for Elisabeth Elliot, I read the newest biography about her this past week, and I was grieved to learn some things about her third marriage (her first two husbands died, and she had wonderful marriages with both of them).  Her third husband was abusive to her, and very difficult to live with.  It turns out he wasn't even a born again Christian until four years after Elisabeth died (she had thought he was saved, but he wasn't).  She was in that abusive marriage during the time she wrote Passion and Purity, the legalistic book that broke my heart more than it already was.  She was writing from a place of brokenness, just as I was reading from a place of brokenness.  None of these people had it all together.  They had a platform to share, but that didn't mean they were right, or were in on some big secret I was missing.  

     When the truth comes out, it should make us grieve for the pain of others, and for ourselves.  Humanity is in pain, and Jesus is the only solution.  As Christians, we can deliver the Good News to people who need Him, and give grace to the hurting fellow-believers among us.  I never want my life to make a struggling believer feel incompetent or want to give up.  I want to show as much compassion as the Lord gives me for everyone I meet.  I never let anyone in on how worthless I felt back then,  No one at Bible study knew about the panic attacks, or what I was carrying, and I wonder, what if I had found a compassionate Christian to share with?  Someone who would have exemplefied Second Corinthians 1:4?  I want to be that to someone.  

     As I said, life isn't fair, but it isn't as unfair as we sometimes think.  Everyone is broken.  Let the compassion of Jesus extend from you to someone in your life today!  Be an example of Second Corinthians 1:4.  

Down Your Throat

      "Shouldn't we be trying to tell them about Jesus?" I asked, an eager eighth-grader and would-be evangelist. 

     Mrs. Larson looked at me as if I had suggested we lift their wallets.  "Of course not!" She chided me.  "Around here, we don't shove the gospel down people's thorats like you want to!"  Everyone around us looked at me with that same reproachful expression (obviously copying our teacher and trying to be with the "in" crowd).

     I felt ashamed, and yet also confused.  All my life, I had been taught the value of mission work, both nationally and internationally.  While they didn't know it, the only hope the unsaved had was the obedience of Christians to faithfully obey the Great Commission.  Love for others should propel us to share the Gospel with them, must like offering a hungry beggar lunch.  Mrs. Larson's response made me feel crazy.  Was I wrong to suggest we share the Gospel?

     Mrs. Larson continued eying me suspiciously, while smiling at a few of her pets in the class.  "We're going to just live it.  That's all we should do.  We'll live our faith in front of others, and that's really what it means to witness."

     Living it?  My thirteen-year-old mind puzzled over this.  The Apostle Paul hadn't just "lived it" to people.  He had fearlessly shared Jesus with everyone who would listen (and even those who didn't want to listen!).  And in my own heart, a force stronger than myself compelled me to talk about Jesus with those who didn't know Him.  Just acting nice to someone could never, ever quench that need in my heart to get the Gospel out, nor could it quench the spiritual thirst in the hearts of the people we were trying to reach. And on top of that, the way Mrs. Larson was shaming me and not showing me any consideration wasn't exactly a shining Christian witness in any event.  Did she really think she was so good at living it that the world would automatically be converted?  Even Paul and Peter weren't that good!  They still needed to explain the message.  This little message here was more where my mindset was at.

                            

     Not quite as eternity-minded, our junior high youth group eventually settled on doing a canned food drive.  Our slogan (which Mrs. Larson came up with, and her pets all thought was brilliant, but I thought was idiotic) was, Give all you can, at least give a can!  

     Mrs. Larson's accusation really stung, that by wanting to share Christ, I was "shoving it down people's throats."  To this day, I hate that phrase more than any other.  Literally, I hate it more than any other phrase in English, and only partly because it was used to humiliate me in junior high.  It is used inaccurately.  

     First of all, we are commanded to preach the Gospel multiple times and places in the New Testament.  Jesus' final words to His followers before His ascension were, Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation. (Mark 16:15).  Peter and John, when asked to stop preaching the Gospel, replied, we cannot but speak of what we have seen and heard. (Acts 4:20).  I very much relate to the Apostle Paul in First Corinthians 9:16, For if I preach the gospel, I have nothing to boast of, for necessity is laid upon me; yes, woe is me if I do not preach the gospel!  Later, Paul urged Timothy, As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry. (Second Timothy 4:5).  So the Bible would have sided with eighth-grade me, not Mrs. Larson.  Secondly, though, there is a big difference between lovingly sharing, and shoving it down someone's throat.  Mrs. Larson (and many others) fail to make that distinction.  What does it look like to shove something down someone's throat?

     Our cat Jack was recently given a prescription for a bacterial infection.  We had to administer one pill a day (in fact, we still do, as his vet prescribed two more weeks, just to make sure he is completely better).  Getting this cat to take his medicine is a task!  My husband Walter is pictured below, with Jack.  You will see Jack is wrapped up in a towel.  There is a reason.  Jack fights taking his medicine so much that Walter and I both have some permanent scars on our hands now!  Walter has to wrap him up, pinning his front paws down.  Then, he forces Jack's mouth open, while I drop the pill in (I have to get it all the way in, trying to get near the throat so he'll swallow it, but it's hard, because if I get too close, he bits me!).  Then, Walter holds him still and forces his mouth closed so Jack will be forced to suck on the pill until it dissolves and goes down his throat.  If we don't do all of this, Jack will spit it out, and the medicine will do him no good.  That, my friends, is what it looks like when we shove something down someone's throat.  How many people who preach the Gospel are being that forceful and rude?  Almost none!  The bigger problem is that people often just don't evangelize.  In my life, I have met one person that I felt was way too forceful in their evangelism.  This person held up very condemning signs, and told passersby what bad sinners they were.  That might be considered shoving it down people's throats.  

     Our shoving the pill down Jack's throat is motivated by love for him and a desire for his wellbeing, even though he can't see it.  When someone shares the Gospel a little overzealously, their motive is still love for the lost, and that should never be shamed.  But most people who share Christ aren't doing it like that.  Most are doing it much more gently.  More like inviting someone to a dinner.  If I were standing outside a restaurant, handing out gift certificates for free meals to passersby, would they accuse me of showing food down these people's throats?  No!  Most would be grateful and excited to get a free meal.  Even if someone wasn't interested, they would probably still express gratitude, and walk on politely.  That is how most evangelism is done.  A very far cry from giving Jack his pill!  We aren't bamboozling anyone and making them hear us against their will, as they fight us.   We are engaging people, and giving them that opportunity.  What they do with it is on them, but we give that chance.  How is that "shoving it down their throats?"  It isn't.  That's just how people are programmed to accuse those who share the Gospel, because it turns attention away from their own sin and lack of obedience to the Great Commission.  

     By the way, Jack is much better, as seen below!  Showing it down their throats isn't even always a bad thing!  

Friendship

     Think about some of the best friendships you have had in your life.  Notice I didn't say the best friends.  Humans are equal, so the value shouldn't be placed on the person, but on the quality of the relationship (in my opinion at least).   When I was growing up, my mother taught me to be sensitive to other people's feelings.  Part of that involved not picking a "best friend" because it made other friends feel left out and less important.  She also forbade me from talking about parties or sleepovers that not everyone was invited to, because they would feel hurt not to be included.  Likewise, my grandmother told me that it was better to have several good friends than one "best friend."  The few times in my life I had what I considered "best friends" those relationships became codependent, and didn't last, at least not at that close level.  

With a good friend and our little sisters at McDonald's, Riverside, California, 1989.  I'm on the far right.  I have many happy childhood memories with friends.

     But seriously, think about good friendships you have enjoyed in your lifetime.  What made them special?  What is important in friendships?

     I recently read the book No Greater Love: A Biblical Vision For Friendship by Rebecca McLaughlin.  I'll give the link to oder at the end of this post.  McLaughlin argues that romance has overshadowed the importance of friendships at times, and I can see her point.  I know when I watch at movie or start a novel, I start to wonder, "Okay, who's going to fall in love?" and I start making guesses, even if it's not really intended as a romance (since other genres tend to add romance to their stories to hold interest).  But this book focuses on why friendships are so important.  

     McLaughlin argues that our first family is really the Body of Christ.  Our nuclear families are of vital importance, but the Body of Christ is much bigger and more impactful than individual families.  McLaughlin shares that when she's in church, she and her husband don't even sit together.  They look for lonely people off by themselves to sit by and include.  She makes the point that often, married people kind of seem more important in Western Christianity, but that wasn't always the case in church history.  There was a time when singleness was viewed as spiritually superior.  

     I can relate to the idea of marital status being a barrier.  When I was single in my late 20's, I was in a woman's Bible study that was mostly comprised of homeschool moms.  These women were all BFF's, and I didn't really fit in.  A lot of these women were wonderfully sweet to me, and I'm not putting anyone down, but there was a lot of thoughtlessness.  These women would invite each other over in front of me, and not include me.  I was invisible.  I didn't have a husband to hang out with their husbands, nor did I have children to play with their children, so I was of no use to invite to their little get-togethers.  It made me feel like I was back in junior high, being left out by catty mean girls.  I couldn't wait to get married, and have status and prestige at last.  Of course, that wasn't the only reason I wanted to marry.  I wanted to meet the love of my life, and share my heart and journey with the man God had for me.  I happily met and married Walter shortly after this women's Bible study situation.  But by that time, I was in a different Bible study.  In this new Bible study, I was the only married woman.  All the single women my age around me were BFF's, and they'd invite each other out for coffee in front of me, but did not include me.  Sound familiar?  I wanted to scream!  I just couldn't catch a break!  It's almost funny now, but also eye-opening that marital status shouldn't be a barrier in Christian friendships, and it's hurtful when that happens.

     The Body of Christ should be known for loving each other.  Jesus said so, in John 13:35, By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.  We should be known for including each other, which is why Rebecca McLaughlin makes such an effort to reach out to others in church.  She relayed several stories from her own church, and how members have rallied around her family and others in times of need.  That's what Christians should do for each other.  

     McLaughlin gives several examples from the Epistles about the closeness of believers in the early church.  Many are referred to as "beloved."  Often, people of the same sex are said to love each other, and there is nothing strange attributed to it.  It is only as homosexuality has become more prominent in our world and culture that friendship love has been looked at as odd, and people have to be a lot more careful to avoid giving a wrong message.  The book gives examples from history (even relatively recent history) when people of the same sex expressed deep friendship love.  It is sad that this is harder to do these days. 

     Another point made is that the best friendships happen when we find people who are likeminded, and we share a goal together.  I can relate to that.  Some of my closest friendships were formed doing ministry together.  Having a close bond brought about by working together toward a common purpose is vital for the best kind of friendships.  We should be comrades in arms.  As Christians fighting spiritual battles together, we are ready-made for this type of connection.

     Sometimes, friendships seem to develop an "inner ring" where you have your closest level of friends.  That's not wrong, but it is far better to be including others into your inner ring than keeping others out.  I already mentioned my single/married Bible study experiences.  When I was single in the group of mostly married women, one woman blatantly told me that she didn't include me because "you're not at the same life stage as me."  Ouch.  I saw her do this to others too.  She said the reason she wasn't close with another woman in the group was because she had daughters and the other women had sons, and so they didn't have that commonality.  Apparently, to this woman's thinking, you could only be friends with people who have children the same sex as yours.  This woman became very protective of her "inner ring" friendships, and went into attack mode if I or anyone else outside her ring formed a bond with someone in her ring.  By attack-mode, I mean lying, gossiping, insulting--anything she could do to regain control of her inner ring and friendships.  We can't be like that if we're going to have biblical friendships.

     Christians are Christ's body, and we're all needed and vital in order for the Body to do what it is supposed to do.  We can help each other with our "body building" (working on being who God wants us to be).  We don't always see the sinful patterns in our own lives, and that's where Christian friends can lovingly help us.  Friends shouldn't be "yes-men."  They should be willing to speak the truth in love.  Recongizing how vital each member of the Body is can also ward off jealousy, because the liver isn't in competition with the lungs, and the brain isn't in competition with the heart.  We're all vital.  

     McLaughlin makes the point that the distinction between marriage and friendships are what help keep both in-check.  She quoted author and pastor Russell Moore from his 2017 blog post in asking Will a happy marriage prevent an affair?  Moore concluded that most spouses who cheat don't do so because the other person is more attractive than their spouse, but rather to connect with a part of their lives that used to be, or has never been.  He goes on to say, The secret lover seems to make the married person feel young or "alive" again, until everything comes crashing down.  The person is usually not looking for a sexual experience but for an alternative universe, one in which he or she made different choices.  While this is sinful and devastating in marriage, friendships really can help us explore more of ourselves in a non-sinful way.  Every friendship has a potential to bring out a part of us that has never yet been explored.  That is why we must never muddle an exclusive, covenant relationship such as marriage with various and free relationships like friendships.  

     McLaughlin uses the analogy of pizza.  The slices aren't all exactly the same sizes, but they are all cut to the middle.  So are our friendships.  We don't devote the exact same amount of time to all of them, and as life moves on and priorities change, we might change the amount of time we devote to some or others, but they all go to the center of your heart anyway.  It is important to have many good friends that go to your heart, or else you risk making your friendship unhealthily exclusive, like a marriage.  That's where I feel kind of uncomfortable with grown women still talking about their "best friend."  Friendships shouldn't be competitive.  They should be assets to us, and even each other.  Two of my closest friends in ministry right now are also close friends with each other.  I get together with them individually, or together, and sometimes, the two of them get together without me.  They have a friendship with me, but also with each other apart from me--and that's okay!  It's healthy!  

Matina and Stacey, two of my very close friends, who are also close with one another.  We serve the Lord together, which is where the strength of the friendship comes from!

     I have lost friendships in my own life.  Some of these losses have been deep griefs to me.  In some cases, the friend walked away,  In other cases, I did.  In one case, I had a dear friend I'd known since kindergarten, but she had a habit of making me feel undervalued.  It was as if I wasn't even important enough to be a slice of her pizza (using the metaphor above).  She constantly built a wall between us constructed of other people.  She would tell me about her "best friend" so-and-so, and how she couldn't see me, because of this other friend.  She would downplay the parts of her life where we had met and known each other, and really amplify the times in her life when we weren't in touch.  I would guess she did this to her "best friends" too, and maybe I was even the "best friend" in her story to someone else, but I just couldn't take that anymore.  I still miss her, and treasure the memories of our childhood friendship.  I sometimes question if walking away was right, but I didn't feel valued, and that is important.  

     I had another friendship that ended, also at my initiative.  This situation was very different.  I still love and miss this friend a lot.  We really had a meeting of the minds when we'd get together.  We could discuss ideas and thoughts on a deep level, and we really enjoyed each other that way.  But life and circumstances separated us (we ended up living in different states) and being in different parts of the country seemed to really affect our friendship negatively.  Our correspondence became difficult, and we ended up having a lot we disagreed on.  I felt this friend was one-upping me and lecturing me, and on her end, she said she felt I didn't listen to her.  I tried for a very long time to bridge the gap, but it just wasn't working.  It wasn't fruitful, and I just had to walk away and end it.  I hope that one day, God will restore that relationship, but it has to be Him, because we damaged it too badly in our own sinfulness.  

     I've had other friendships that end, only to be resurrected later on.  One friend of mine, whom I'll call Jennifer, was very close with me for a while. She was one of my "best friends."  We did everything together for a while.  We did ministry.  We read Christian books together.  We went out for ice cream and stuided our Bibles together.  We went roller skating and camping together.  Then she met the man she is now married to, and it changed the dynamics of our friendship too much for it to survive.  I tried to be supportive of this new relationship (while silently wondering When will it be my turn, God?), but we just grew too distant, and I had a hard time adjusting, and Jennifer ended the friendship.  Don't misread this, but it almost made me feel like I'd been through a breakup, which was a sign the friendship was codependent to begin with (see next paragraph about codependency!).  Years later, Jennifer's niece looked me up in the phonebook (which also had my address listed) and wrote me a letter, telling me she missed when I used to be close with their family and teach her in Sunday school.  This reopened my relationship with them all, and Jennifer and I reestablished our friendship, and remain friends to this day.  Another friend and I also became too codependent, and it led to a temporary fracture in the relationship, but God graciously brought it back around, and we are good friends now, much healthier than in the past.  

     We must resist codependency.  To explain codependency, McLaughlin shares the story of when she was counseling a friend who was very unhealthily enmeshed with another friend.  McLaughlin told this woman, referring to the other friend, "I think she needs to work out who she is when you're not there," to which the woman replied, "I don't think I know who I am when she's not there!"  Those blurred lines between ourselves and friends can be codependency.  It's unhealthy, and I imagine many of us have grappled with it.  True, good friends really can help you discovered your unexplored self, seeing things in you that you can work on and develop in your life.  These are great kinds of friends to have.  

     The book addresses the line between platonic and sexual relationships.  She mentioned the "Billy Graham Principle" (so-called because Billy Graham popularized it) which is that a man and woman who are not married to each other (but at least one is married to someone else) should not meet up alone.  I've also heard this called the "Three Rule" meaning a third person should always be involved when a male and female must be together.  I (as well as the author) think this is a wise principle, but she pointed out (and I agree) that it can also be used legalistically, or to imply all male-female interactions are sexualized, which is not true.  

     In my early 20's, I started to attend a discipleship class taught by a much older man who was a ministry veteran.  The goal of the class was that he would meet with us as a group, but also meet with us individually.  But he told me, "I'm not willing to meet with you alone, because I don't want you to fall in love with me."  I was appalled and disgusted at what he was implying.  I don't think what he wanted to do (having a third person in our meetings) was bad at all--it was probably wise and good--but him saying it like that to me really disturbed me.  I didn't continue with the group (for entirely other reasons).  

     Likewise, I knew a young man who took the three rule pretty far.  He was single, and so was his female coworker, so it wasn't quite the same ballpark as one or both of them being married to someone else.  Nevertheless, he was so afraid of the appearance of evil that he would drive 50 miles out of his way to pick up a third person so that he wouldn't be alone with her in the car for one mile!  Think of all the time and gasoline he wasted in order to keep this rule.  Even yet, I'm not saying he was wrong, but it was kind of extreme.  In the book, McLaughlin suggests that we take each relationship on a case by case basis.  We should always avoid being a stumbling block to our friends, and if there is a chance a friend sees us romantically (even if we don't see it that way), we need to be very careful.  She even addressed believers who struggle with same-sex attraction.  Rebecca McLaughlin shares that, while she is happily married to a man she loves very much, she is attracted to women, and has had to guard her heart.  But she points out that everyone is called to do that, not just those who battle same-sex attraction.  Whether it is dealing with opposite sex or same sex friendships, we need to love and glorify the Lord in our interactions.  McLaughlin shares that she is accountable to a friend regularly for where her attractions are going, and she urges everyone to be open and accountable to someone, because sexual sin doesn't happen in a vacuum.  First Thessalonians 4 talks about how we should abstain from sexual immorality (verse 3) and yet at the same time love one another (verse 9).  

     Friendships with non-Christians are addressed.  McLaughlin shares more about some of her friendships with unbelievers.  They are respectful and loving relationships.  Her hope and desire is that these friends come to know Jesus, but she knows she can't make that choice for them.  She points out that we can't downplay the importance of the things we disagree on, because they deal with life and eternity.  At the same time, we can love and show respect, and really listen and hear people out, even when we disagree.  She advocates for living transparently before unbelieving friends, rather than hiding our weaknesses and pretending we have it all together.  Christians are not to avoid unbelievers and retreat into our little Christian cultures, nor are we to blend in with the world.  Jesus gave a better answer.  Christians are the light of the world (Matthew 5:14), and that's what we need to be in our relationships with unsaved friends.  

     The book closes talking about doing life together as Christians.  We are to lay down our lives, and that doesn't necessarily mean taking a bullet for them.  It might mean answering a late-night phone call and talking a friend through a crisis, when you'd rather sleep.  It might mean some other sacrifice.  But Christians should sacrificially love one another like that.  We must forgive each other, and if one sins, deal with it biblically.  There must be freedom in the friendship.  McLaughlin shares how she once lost a friendship because of her own sin, and this dear friend felt the need to step away.  True friendships have that freedom.  

      Friendships are vital relationships, but often underestimated.  Cherish the friends God has placed in your life today.  

You can view and order Rebecca McLaughlin's No Great Love: A Biblical Vision For Friendship here.

Snow Days

     Today, central Arkansas was hit with snow.  This isn't terribly common, but it happens.  Our 3-year-old, Tommy, was very excited!

     For much of my childhood, I didn't believe in snow.  I saw it on TV (usually movies about Santa Claus, whom I knew to be a fairy tale), and since snow was nonexistent in my real life,  I just assumed snow was invented for movies, but wasn't an actual thing that fell from the sky.    

My hometown of Riverside, California, marked just east of Los Angeles.  No snow!

    One of my family's favorite Christmas movies was always White Christmas.   It is still my favorite Christmas movie.  In the film, we see Bing Crosby and company go from Florida to Vermont, to experience "all that snow" (even singing a cute song about it on the train ride up).  When they arrive in Vermont, it is sunny and 68°.  As a child watching this, I actually thought the movie was trying to teach that there's no such thing as snow, and that the characters were mistaken in expecting snow at all (I guess I ignored the beginning and end of the movie, both of which have snow!).  That's how much I thought snow was a fantasy.  I would have staked my life on that as a child.  Snow wasn't real!  It goes to show people can stake their lives on things that are untrue. 

     The first time I saw snow at age 9, I screamed at the top of my lungs, and for a moment, I wondered if this meant magic was real too.  I had judged truth by my experience, and I had been wrong.  

     There is a spiritual message here.  Our experience can teach us things.  Sometimes experience is the best teacher, as they say.  God guides us and uses our experiences, And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28).  But we need to interpret our experiences in light of truth, not the other way around.   Our experiences are limited, just like my experience growing up in Riverside, California limited me from knowing snow was, in fact, a reality in many places.  As Christians, we need to go back to God's word to interpret everything that happens to us, and then, we can learn from our experiences.  Second Corinthians 4:8-9 (TLB) says, We are pressed on every side by troubles, but not crushed and broken. We are perplexed because we don’t know why things happen as they do, but we don’t give up and quit. We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going.

     Sometimes, it is easy to look at our present experience, and believe that's all there is for us.  But Second Corinthians 4:17 assures us, For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  (NIV).  

     Imagine the discouraged Israelite slaves in Egypt, believing all they had to look forward to was a lifetime of slavery.  That was their experience,  but the reality was, God was raising up Moses to deliver their people!  Imagine young David, the shepherd and youngest child.  His experience was taking care of sheep all day, but the reality was, God was going to make him king of His people!   Imagine Peter in prison, believing he was to be executed.  That was His experience,  but the reality was, Christians across town were praying for him, and God's angel was about to deliver him.  I think the reason Paul and Silas sang in prison (Acts 16) was to remind themselves what was real--not the dank, dark prison, but the glory of God!  Their circumstance wasn't the ultimate reality.

     Some people hold beliefs that are contrary to scripture, because experiences have led them to false conclusions, much like my incorrect conclusions about snow.

     As a little girl in Riverside, California,  I let my experience determine what I believed about the existence of snow.  I was incorrect.  We usually are when we look at truth in light of our experiences.   Do the opposite--look at experience in light of truth!  God has an eternal weight of glory for you!