No Fair!

     We live in a world that operates on a false assumption, and that is this:  Everything must be fair.  The truth is, life isn't fair.  Not at all.

     I tried to teach my fifth grade students this concept this past year.  They felt it wasn't fair that I was helping one particular student more than others (this student had much greater need for help).  I surprised them by saying, "You're right, it isn't fair."  I let this sink in a moment.  "Do you want everything to always be 100% fair?"  Of course they did, so I went on to explain.  "Let's just say that your doctor wanted to be completely fair to all his patients.  You went in to see him for a bad cold.  After he examined you, you asked if he could prescribe some medicine, and instead of doing that, he said, 'Sorry, but I have to be fair to all my patients, and the last guy who came in needed me to put a cast on his arm, so I'm going to have to put a cast on your arm too, in order to be fair.'"  The kids all laughed at the ridiculousness of this.  "Doctors aren't supposed to be fair, they're supposed to give each of their patients what they need.  That's the same with teachers.  If you're not getting what you need from me, you need to talk to me about it.  But otherwise, don't get angry when I help someone else get what they need."

      

     In some ways, I think this demand for fairness has hindered the way people perceive us as Christians.  We stand on God's word (and may we never stop!), but many see our faith as "unfair" to other faiths.  For example...

     A Christian teenager was sharing with me how he brought his Bible to an after-school program at his junior high school.  Everyone was working on homework, doodling, talking among themselves.  There was no structure.  This young man got out his Bible and quietly read, minding his own business.  One of the staff in this program (who was really just there for supervision) immediately made him put it away.  He politely asked why, and was told, "It isn't fair to other religions."  Wait a minute!  This young man was reading quietly.  He wasn't bothering or offending anyone.  How was it "unfair" and if it was, would they have made someone put a Quran away?  Why not let everyone be equally "unfair" and read their books?  This idea that everything has to be fair ends up becoming offensive really fast.

  

     It's more than that, though.  Many in the LGBT community claim fundamentalist Christians are unfair for saying marriage is to be between one man and one woman, for life.  And I can see how they would think and feel that way.  It does seem kind of unfair, saying some people can marry the love of their life and others can't.  But it isn't that simple.  No one's love life is "fair".  Some people have had tragic stories of lost love in their lives.  Is that fair?  I'm going to return to that in a moment.

     Jesus said in Luke 9:23, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow me."  What does this mean, and what does it have to do with fairness?

     Every human ever created has desires.  Desires for friendship.  Desires for food.  Desires for all sorts of things.  Sexual desires are among those.  God wants us to have joy (Psalm 16:11), and knows what is best for us (Matthew 6:8).  As such, He placed boundaries on every one of our desires.  Food is good, but overindulging is bad for us (Proverbs 25:16).  Many would say wine is good, but again, overindulging is a sin (Ephesians 5:18).  What about sex?  Sex is good.  God created it (Genesis 2).  But as with all other desires, there are boundaries in place. Sex is for marriage (Hebrews 13:4).  Marriage is for one man and one woman (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:4-5, Romans 1).  According to all of these passages, only those who are married are able to enjoy sex.  Sounds kind of unfair, huh?  But this doesn't just hit homosexuals.  This hits single people.  This hits people who are married, but find themselves attracted to another.  Jesus tells all of us to deny ourselves, take up our crosses, and follow Him.  For the single person, that cross might be a deep desire for sexual fulfillment in marriage, but not having it at this time.  For the person with same-sex attraction, that cross is pretty similar; having sexual desires that aren't fulfilled, but carrying on in the Christian life anyway.  What I think many in the LGBT community don't see is that we aren't trying to put restraints on them.  We are trying to encourage everyone to deny themselves, take up their crosses, and follow Jesus.  I was single until I was thirty-three. Did I struggle with sexual desires all those years?  Yes!  Of course I did!  Many out there would say I should have indulged myself.  But that isn't God's way.  Just like Jesus said, I denied myself (meaning I didn't indulge those desires), took up my cross (those unfulfilled longings) and followed Christ.  Anyone can do it, with God's help (Philippians 4:13).  That's what we're called to do.

     Along the same lines, what about this transgender phenomena that didn't even exist a decade ago and seemed to come out of nowhere?  I believe there are hurting people who struggle with their body, perhaps feeling they should be the opposite sex than their body indicates them to be.  If anybody understands being trapped in an insufficient body, it's Jesus!  He is God!  Yet He took on frail human flesh.  He wasn't even a great-looking human by our standards (Isaiah 53:2).  Pretty average, I'd imagine.  All that power contained in a human body.  Jesus understands those who struggle with their bodies.  And yet He also gives us the example.  He was completely obedient to the Father while He was in His earthly body (Philippians 2:8).  If someone feels their body is wrong for them, they must realize that God didn't make a mistake when He crated their body.  God makes no mistakes (Numbers 23:19).  God's grace is sufficient for coping with a body that seems wrong (Second Corinthians 12:9).  There is an agenda being pushed on these hurting people.  They are being used as anti-Christian propaganda.  They are falsely being promised that they can be whatever they want...when only God grants anything, and makes no such promises.  A person living with this disconnect between body and mindset must do what everyone else is called to do.  Deny themselves, take up their crosses and follow Jesus.  No one is exempt.

     It isn't all about sexual desires either.  Every person, no matter what their walk of life, has things they should deny.  As I said, no one is exempt.  Why wouldn't God want us to just indulge in whatever we want?  The same reason a good parent wouldn't (Matthew 7:11).  God loves you and has wonderful purposes for you that would go beyond your wildest dreams.  The truth is, none of the things you want can possibly satisfy you ultimately, deep inside.  Psalm 37:4 says that God can give you your hearts desires.  Psalm 16:11 says that in His presence is fullness of joy.  Nothing else will ultimately satisfy.  Not even a perfectly fair world.

     A lot of people don't like self-denial.  Let's face it, does anybody really enjoy it?  When my doctor made me give up caffeine in 2010, it was incredibly hard to deny myself!  It took a year to stop craving it!  It wasn't fair, but it was for my health.  In life, there are many other areas that are so much more important than caffeine consumption.  We must deny ourselves, take up our crosses and follow Christ.  Let Him fulfill us (Psalm 37:4).  It's hard.  But it's what we're called to do.  It isn't about being "fair".  It's about loving Jesus.  He gave Himself for us.  I know He didn't "feel" like it.  Was it "fair" for Him to take our place on the cross, when we deserve it?  No, it wasn't fair.  It was better than fair.  It was grace.