Is Happiness a Choice?

     A phrase I hear a lot is "Happiness is a Choice."  Is it?  Do you think it's true?  Would those suffering from clinical depression agree with that?  Surely, if they could choose, they would never choose to be depressed.  Why would anyone?  So, is happiness a choice?  Or is it reserved for those fortunate enough to enjoy where life has them?  What does the Bible say about this?

     I'm going to build the case that, ultimately, yes, happiness is a choice, but I'm going to give some disclaimers and put some specific definitions on it.  It isn't as simple as some make it seem.  

     My first disclaimer is that telling a depressed person "Happiness is a choice" is a very insensitive thing to say.  The issues behind their struggles are usually far beyond just making a choice to put a smile on.  There might be chemical reasons for their depression, or there might be some underlying emotional hurts that need to be worked out.  Choosing happiness is possible, but it isn't as simple as it sounds.  Adding to that a little, I get concerned with the attitude some people have toward those suffering with heartache, sadness or depression.  I hear well-meaning people tell others, "Try to smile a little."  That communicates, "I don't care how you feel or what you've gone through, but I want you to look happy, so you don't bring me down."  All through His earthly ministry, Jesus spent time with the suffering.  He got to the source of their grief and brought healing, rather than just try to make them look like they were doing better.  There are so many examples of this, but one I'll mention now is in Mark 5.  Jesus meets the demon-possessed man.  The man is violent and naked, a terror to everyone.  Jesus didn't give the man clothes.  Jesus didn't tell him he needed to act better.  He got to the source of all of it--the fact that the man was possessed by multiple demons.  When Jesus resolved this by casting out the demons, the man was soon after found "clothed and in his right mind" (verse 16).  Telling someone to put a smile on their face, or stop crying, or whatever well-intended way someone might attempt to help isn't really helping if it doesn't get to the source.  

     My second disclaimer is that being pleased with everything all the time isn't the kind of happiness anyone can choose.  No one always has things go the way they want.  That being the case, it stands to reason no one is always happy every moment of every day.  Somethings, sad things happen, and it's okay to be sad, angry, upset, annoyed, irritated, disappointed, or bothered.  Being unhappy isn't a sin.  It's being real.  Sometimes, there are very good reasons to be unhappy.  

     Third, God doesn't want us to choose happiness as much as joyfulness.  I might be happy if the Dodgers win the world series, but I can still have joy either way!  Happiness is often dependent on circumstances.  Joy is rooted in what Jesus did on the cross.  Jesus Himself said in John 16:22, Therefore you too have grief now; but I will see you again, and your heart will rejoice, and no one is going to take your joy away from you.  One of my favorite Christian singers Cheri Keaggy says in her song entitled Restored, 

So I'm practicing joy
Choosing it daily
Putting it on like a favorite cologne
And when life breaks me down
It won't even faze me
Some call me crazy
But I'm just in love with the Lord
For He has been faithful
Enough just to fill me
And take me to heights I have never explored
If I'm never broken
How can I be restored?

    Continuing along these lines, joy can be a matter of perspective.  James 1:2-4 tells us, Consider it all joy, my brothers and sisters, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.  This passage tells us that when we face trails (not if, but when!), we can consider it joy.  Considering is an act of the will.  James is urging believers to choose to have the perspective that God is at work in our lives through these trials, making us who He wanted us to be.  There is a deeper purpose, and for that, we can choose joy.  We're not commanded to enjoy the trials.  We're encouraged to choose joy in the midst of it.  

     All the same, God doesn't want us to go through life miserable all the time.  So we do need to choose both joy and happiness.  And we can!  

     When we are able to root our joy into what Christ has done (which can't be taken away), and have that eternal perspective on our circumstances, we choose joy, and this, in turn, affects our happiness, as well as how we enjoy the life God gave us.  We are able to be content.  The Bible says a lot about contentment.  First Timothy 6:6 says, But godliness with contentment is great gain.  Being content, again, doesn't mean we like everything that happens.  It means we know God's grace is enough (Second Corinthians 12:9).  

     In the last few years, my husband and I have moved a lot more than we ever intended or wanted.  I was disappointed in some instances, but chose to enjoy different aspects of each place we've lived.  I counted my blessings, so to speak.  Maybe you've had a similar experience, or something else that went very differently than how you had expected.  Counting your blessings and thanking God for them is the answer to help your happiness.  First Thessalonians 5:18 says, Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.  Please note that it doesn't say to give thanks for all circumstances.  We can give thanks for God's goodness to us in the midst of things we don't like.  

Some photos of places Walter and I have gotten to count our blessings about:

Ponca State Park, Nebraska (a very short drive over state line from where we lived in South Dakota)

Pecos State Park, New Mexico (an hour from where we lived in Albuquerque)

Waco, Texas (we lived in Arlington, next to Fort Worth, but made a little day trip)

Arkansas, our current home and mission field

 

    I had a friend in college who was, as they say, a drama queen.  When I first met her, she was a lot of fun, and I got sucked into her emotional world with her.  At first, she was coming over or calling me all the time.  We'd have fun, but she'd end up complaining about her problems.  At first, I thought, "Wow, she's really going through it right now.  Satan must really be attacking her."  But after a while, the problems that were supposedly so terrible for her were suddenly over, and new problems cropped up in their place, having her just as devastated and upset, coming to me at all hours.  One time, I remember going to my dorm room to study (we only had one person per dorm--no roommates), and she was on my bed, sobbing into my pillow, waiting for me to get back!  When I would try to help her, or offer solutions for her problems, she would get offended, or refuse the help.  She only wanted to cry to me.  I remember thinking at the time, "How could anyone want to be miserable?"  I still don't know!  But she had the habit of looking for reasons to be upset and miserable.  The problems she had were real, but she gave them power over her life, and didn't even know how to function without them!  In cases like that, she should have chosen happiness.  She could have.  There were many blessings in her life (she had me for a friend! HA! HA!).  She wanted to act like I was her psychologist, rather than face her real problems (which might have involved seeing a real psychologists).  

     True happiness comes from within.  This drama queen friend came to visit me in California during a break, and I was able to take her to Disneyland.  In the middle of "the happiest place on earth" (as Disneyland is often called), she frowned at me and said, "I hate it here."  Amazing.  She got to take a fun vacation and go to a legendary amusement park, and still, she couldn't be happy.  On the other hand, Another college friend was in the hospital, month after month, getting sicker and sicker.  Her joy led her to be able to witness to the nurses on duty.  She was able to choose joy in what most of us would consider a terrible circumstance.  

     As Christians, how do we choose to be happy?  Clearly, lasting peace, contentment, and joy are not really from our circumstances (hence my miserable Disneyland friend and my joyful hospital friend).  How do we get in that right mindset?  Well, the Apostle Paul gave us some information about that.  In Philippians 4:12 he tells us, I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  So what was the secret?  The next verse tells us, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  Christ is the focus.  He is the One who empowers us.  We need to have the perspective that looks beyond this life, to the eternal.

     Is happiness a choice?  It is, but it isn't just a choice to be happy.  It's a choice to embrace Christ, His life in us, His perspective on all that happens to us.  It's focusing on His presence and blessings.  It's being real about things that are less than desirable.  To close with an old song we used to sing in Sunday school: Happiness is the Lord!  

Disappointed

      Although it may sound like it, this post isn't going to be a political rant--I promise.  Whether you agree with me politically or not, it's a moot point, because I'm not going there.  It may sound like it at first, but read on.  In fact, my husband, upon who I test out everything I write before publishing, thought this was too unbiased.  But I mean everything in it.  

     In the last few weeks, I have felt disappointed in many people I thought very highly of a short while ago.  Some of these people are political figures.  Others are online Bible teachers and other high profile Christians I had admired.  Still others are personal friends.  

     I said this in a post on Facebook, but I'll reiterate it here.  I don't feel I have been given enough information (at least not from trusted sources) to make any sort of judgment about anything that has happened in our nation lately.  I have opinions and educated guesses, but at present am not making a public stance.  As such, I am trying neither to condone nor condemn anyone right now until I know a lot more than I currently do (if that ever happens).  I distrust the major news outlets, as well as social media platforms, and think some of the lengths to which they are going to preserve their narrative is far outside the bounds of fair journalism or free speech.  I see a lot of hypocrisy about things to which certain people express outrage.  In spite of this, I try to wait for the truth to come out.  

     As I said, I do have my worldview, and as such, I have opinions about all of this.  I am sure you do too.  Maybe your opinions are the same as mine.  Maybe they're not.  My concern is when people follow popular narratives and biases without thinking for themselves.  It is also quite alarming to me when some well-meaning person tries to make everything equal by saying everyone on all sides is really bad and wrong.  People need to stand by their convictions.  What I want most is for the truth to be known, and to go down in history accurately, so future generations can learn from our errors, rather than repeat them.  I think this is vital.  Can you imagine if our history books didn't accurately recount the Revolution, the Civil War, the Holocaust, the Civil Rights Movement?  What kind of messes would we make today without having their foundation to look back on?  The people who come after us deserve no less.  I'm on the side of truth, whether it bolsters or hurts my political "side."  Jesus said the truth sets us free (John 8:32).  It is the most important thing in the world!  So, while I do have beliefs and opinions about everything, I also have a lot of missing pieces, and I'm not satisfied I know the truth.  I refuse to get into a discussion that follows anybody's narrative right now, unless it is backed by facts.   I want future generations of Americans to know the truth about the 2020 election and the fallout.  Luke 8:17 says, For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open. 

     It isn't difficult to know why I might have political disappointment (people on all sides of all these issues have some levels of disappointments in different politicians).  I also referred to online Bible teachers and high profile Christians who have disappointed me.  As people have tried to respond to things, I have felt several of these well-known believers have spoken too soon, followed certain narratives, and made unsubstantiated assumptions.  This disappointed me.  I think they have a level of influence that should require them to be more careful than that.  I felt very let down by one of my favorite online Bible teachers by an impromptu video he made while the events were still happening.  I think he should have waited until the dust settled a little before trying to make a lot of commentary.  He tried to be biblical and unbiased, but he operated under unsubstantiated assumptions, and followed some popular but unproven narratives.  He redeemed himself a few days later with a much better video (not on this topic, but still showing that he intends to do biblical videos).  I've been especially disappointed in a certain Christian musician whom I had previously really respected.  This gentleman has many beautiful worship videos on YouTube, some of which I had previously shared.  He, himself is Canadian, so our nation's issues don't directly concern him.  I can handle fellow-Americans disagreeing with me.  But for someone who isn't even an American to lecture us about how our nation should be is like a twelve-year-old babysitter giving parenting advice to the mother for whom she is babysitting.  This musician's opinions came across as very hurtful to me as an American.  I don't criticize his country, and I'd like the same courtesy from him, particularly if he is catering his music ministry to Christian people in different nations (including the US).  I have stopped following this talented brother in the Lord, because his remarks hurt too much.  People need to be careful.  

      In spite of political and celebrity disappointment, the letdowns in personal friendships have been the most difficult.  I highly doubt this applies to anyone reading this, but this week has required a lot of patience and peacemaking on the part of myself and my husband in some relationships with others, and it has been quite draining.  Our brothers and sisters are worth fighting for, but it's still draining, and can be hurtful.  

     Part of the reason I don't want to misspeak about this is that my husband and I are missionaries, and we want to stand for Christ first and foremost, and don't want someone of different political views to be turned away from the message of the gospel.  Politics matter, but they are not as high up on the ladder of importance as our faith in the Lord, or our witness for Him.  

     How does God want me to respond to things?  Politically, everyone needs to follow their own conscience.  Right now, I'm choosing to rest in Jesus.  I'm so thankful that there is no searching of His understanding. (Isaiah 40:28).  I'm choosing to make the gospel and my ministry the focus, getting the truth of the Bible out to everyone God grants me an audience with.  The Apostle Paul said in Acts 20:24, However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.

     As far as disappointment with others, that can be even more difficult, but I think the answer is the same.  Focus on Jesus.  He is the only one who won't let us down.  I remember a popular song at Christian skate nights in the 80s and 90s was Steven Curtis Chapman's song Tell Me.  The chorus says, Tell me, tell me, who are you depending on; Tell me who do you believe.  You lost your faith in so many people, but is your faith in who it should be? There's only One who keeps all of His promises; He is the only solid ground.  Let Jesus be the One you are trusting to lift you up, 'cause He'll never let you down.  Such a timely message for today, even though that song is over thirty years old.  Romans 10:11 says, Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.

     And with that, I will close for now...but not for long!  The Lord bless you in our nation's journey forward.  

In God We Trust

      This is a part of my testimony I don't always share.  It isn't so much because I'm trying to hide it as much as it just doesn't always fit with my point in sharing my story.  And, truth be told, I'm a little ashamed I could be swayed in this way...but the truth is freedom.  

     Maybe you can relate to this.  As a young adult, I had come to the point where I had been hurt and let down by a lot of God's people, and just didn't know what to do with it...how to cope...how to understand some of the experiences I'd had.  Don't get me wrong.  There were godly and good people in my life too.  But I didn't know how to process some of what had happened to me, and therefore, I couldn't heal.  I began to distrust my fellow Christians.  

Me as a college student (second from right).

     Satan knew just where my vulnerability was.  The fall I was eighteen, I had enrolled in community college.  After having grown up in Christian school and a relatively wholesome neighborhood, you might think that the "worldliness" of being in a secular school would surprise me.  It didn't.  I wasn't naïve, and I knew unbelievers act like unbelievers.  I actually found some very nice acquaintances among them, and developed very respectful relationships with them.  I was pretty well-liked among my classmates.  A few times, God even gave me witnessing opportunities.  No, the "worldly" people didn't shock me.  Instead, the big shock to me was that the Mormon classmates referred to themselves as Christians.  The Latter-day Saints I had known growing up actually used the term Mormon, and I had never heard them claim to be Christians, so having several Mormon classmates (as well as one Mormon professor) all claiming Christianity shocked me.  I mean, it really shocked me.  

     In recent years, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has tried to distance themselves from the word Mormon, but back when I was 18, the movement wasn't quite as strong.  I find it confusing that this faith would try to look like typical American Christianity, even using the word Christian, while at the same time staying firmly in their own church and resisting any connection to other churches.  A convert to Mormonism must be baptized in the Mormon Church...in other words, they wouldn't recognize a Methodist, Baptist or Presbyterian baptism.  This shows they are distinct, and see themselves as such.  Yet in their public relations, they blur the lines and try to look like just another Christian denomination.  As an 18-year-old, I was totally surprised that they called themselves Christians.  What was more, their lifestyles were very similar to mine. They were family-oriented young people, respectful of their parents, praying about their futures, attending church.  Their forms of entertainment were moral and wholesome, much like mine (and different from the partying our other classmates did).  I got along very well with these Mormon classmates.  Several of them shared their stories with me, stories of growing up in their churches all their lives, never having to leave, never facing rejection.  In fact, their church was organized in such a way that there was only one church, and you just went to the location (ward) closest to your house, as assigned by the higher-ups.  This sounded wonderful to me.  Of course, the control being exercised didn't occur to me then.  

     I had just been emotionally bankrupt on a mission trip that summer with fellow believers.  We had shared the gospel, but behind the scenes of our ministry, I had been wounded deeply.  I had faced sexual harassment by a guy I had initially kind of liked, followed by his rejection and guilt trips.  I had been bullied by a female team mate, and this young woman had gotten me into trouble and caused me to be disliked by some of the people we were serving.  In some ways, it had been a living hell.  I spent all summer in a third-world country on the other side of the earth with no access to family or friends in the US, other than air mail.  When I had gone to leaders for help, I just got dismissive answers.  So I came back from that trip and went to a secular school, being treated nicer than any of the Christians on the trip treated me, and treated especially nicely by these Mormons.  I was vulnerable, and was presented with a puzzle.

     I had been warned all my life that Mormonism was a false religion.  I began to question that.  Maybe it wasn't.  Maybe they were just misunderstood.  How could something that produced the security and stability I saw in these classmates be bad?  Even their mission trips were more controlled than mine had been, so there was no way they would ever face the craziness I had just experienced that summer.  That whole semester, I battled my growing attraction to Mormonism.  I was a little horrified with myself, so I didn't voice this struggle to anyone.  In fact, I tried to ask my classmates about their church as just a casual interest, so they wouldn't think I was wavering in my faith and go for the "kill" by proselytizing me more than they already were.  But I was really wondering if there might be some truth to Mormonism.  Maybe their kindness and supposed love for God and their church was the answer.  As I would drive past the Mormon church during that time, I would look at the beautiful building and wonder, What do they have that my Christian experience has been missing?  I was tempted--so very tempted--to pull into the parking lot, go inside, and find out.  But only tempted.

     See, I came to realize something by the end of that semester.  My issue was with people.  Christian people.  Imperfect people.  But faith can't be about people.  It's about the truth.  Jesus said in John 8:32, And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. He didn't say that nice, kind people will set you free.  And even if Mormonism had some little semblances of truth (outwardly paying homage to the Bible and Jesus), the error outweighed that.  Psalm 51:6 tell us, Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts, And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom.  Truth mixed with error is still error, and God wanted me to believe the truth, from the depths of my being.  I had to be honest with myself, and admit what I knew to be true.  John 17:17 tells us what the truth is.  Jesus, praying for His followers, said, Sanctify them by Your truth; Your word is truth.   A few chapters earlier, Jesus had told His disciples, I am...the truth... (John 14:6).  The Mormon religion has added to the truth, which is a damnable offence (Revelation 22:18)

     Unfortunately, when it comes to setting a good example, Christians sometimes fail miserably.  It's cliché, but it's true: "Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven."  Living in community with other Christians requires forgiveness sometimes.  We need to be patient and gentle with each other, and realize God isn't finished with anyone yet.  The Apostle Paul admitted in Romans 7:15, I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.  He said to the Philippians, Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect... (Philippians 3:12a).  It is okay to separate ourselves from hurtful people.  Just don't separate from the truth of the Bible.  In that process of growing, sometimes we hurt and disappoint each other.  That doesn't invalidate the gospel, because it's about the truth, not about people.  There will be no finger-pointing at the judgment saying, "Lord, so-and-so offended me, so I rejected You."  It doesn't work like that.  In my case, I wasn't considering rejecting Jesus.  I was just starting to believe the delusion that this false cult was part of biblical Christianity, maybe even a better part than I'd experienced.  But none of the appeal was about their beliefs.  It was in comparing the kind church members to the people who had hurt me.  When I actually looked at what they believed, compared against the Bible, I knew what my choice had to be.  No thanks!  

     This is beside the point, but realistically, I was probably comparing the cream of the crop from the Mormon Church to the "blooper reel" from my experiences.  There are nice people everywhere, and mean people everywhere.  All people are created by God, in His image, and those good qualities are really from Him...but that doesn't mean they hold the truth.  

     I get concerned when I read these memes on Facebook, or hear people tell stories about how someone was mean to someone in church, and how that person rejected Jesus and went to hell, and it's all the mean Christian's fault.  This is such a lie.  That mean Christian is responsible for what he/she did, but that is where it ends.  We are each responsible for our own soul.  I had to be.  If I had chosen to get mixed up in Mormonism, I couldn't blame the people from my mission trip who hurt me.  They were responsible for their actions, but they are not responsible for the choices I make as a result.  I would only have myself to blame for my choice to embrace false doctrine.  You are responsible for your own soul.  It isn't about people, it's about the truth.  What did you do with Jesus Christ?  

     At the end of that semester, two of my "worldly" (not Mormon) classmates and I went out for lunch together.  The conversation turned to religion, and these two girls started complaining about churches being full of hypocrites.  I was able to share Christ, but they kept interrupting with "What about the hypocrites?"  I had been silently battling this question all semester in my struggle with Mormonism, and because of that, I was able to finally give the answer I had found.  I responded to my classmates, "What about the hypocrites?  What are you going to do with Jesus Christ?"  They had no answer, and our visit ended pretty quickly.  I'm sure I gave them something to consider.  Most importantly, I was voicing my own victory in Christ.  

     Our national motto "In God we Trust" is such a vital truth.  In God we trust--not people!  When you are faced with hurtful Christians, or wonderful unbelievers, resolve to trust in the Lord over and above what people say and do.  This not only applies to Christianity versus other religions, but also even when choosing your theological positions within biblical Christianity.  Don't make your choice based on people's behavior.  Making it based on what God has said.  After all, it's about the truth.