"God has given every person a gift," the enthusiastic man in his early 40's told us earnestly. "My gift is seeing into the future of what God is doing with this church!" Everyone sat, mesmerized by this. "God's will," he continued, "is for us to get that building, and to open a Christian school, and a college, and one day, a theme park!"
The year was 1994, and I was a student in the youth group. Our church's pastor was a very personable, outgoing, optimistic man. He had a way of making people feel he cared--and I think he really did, to a point. But even as a young teen listening to him, I disbelieved him. I was a critical thinker, and I had a hard time swallowing what he was saying. I do believe God leads us, and sometimes gives us a sense of vision about what He is doing. Isaiah 30:31 says, And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. On the other hand, we are also told in First Thessalonians 5:21, but test everything; hold fast what is good. Not every idea that pops into our minds is of God. I also don't believe God gives anyone the gift of fortune-telling. We're to trust God with the future, not try to predict. Deuteronomy 18:10 warns, There shall not be found among you anyone who...tells fortunes or interprets omens, or a sorcerer. There appears to be a fine line at times between false predictions and legitimate godly prophecies. But God gave us a way to tell the difference. When a prophet speaketh in the name of the Lord, if the thing follow not, nor come to pass, that is the thing which the Lord hath not spoken, but the prophet hath spoken it presumptuously: thou shalt not be afraid of him. (Deuteronomy 18:22). Was this pastor making a false prediction, or was he divinely gifted to see what God was doing with the church? The proof's in the pudding, as they say.
Today, that church does not exist, nor has it for many years. They never had the building they envisioned. They never opened a school, college or theme park. But this pastor took everyone for a ride for a while.
Worth noting, this church was not part of a denomination known for seeking signs or wonders. They were part of a very straight-laced fellowship of churches. This pastor's own theology was not outside the realm of orthodoxy. And yet he made claims that were clearly not of God. I never knew if he was overexcited with his own feelings, or if he was actually trying to deceive and manipulate. I believe he started out in good faith, but got off-track somewhere. A little while later, this pastor kicked my family out of the church, and then lied to others about us. Others were kicked out in the months following, and we eventually compared stories. The reason anyone seemed to get kicked out was because they became a threat to the pastor in some way. Maybe they did ministry differently than he wanted it done. Maybe they questioned him. Maybe they disagreed with him, or weren't on the same page as him. In the case of my family, it started when I (as a high school girl) led several second graders to Christ in Vacation Bible School. The pastor was threatened by this, claiming I was too young to witness, and that I could be a liability to the church. I have shared in other posts the way this affected me, and continues to affect me.
It should be noted that none of the things he kicked any of us out for are biblical reasons to disfellowship a church member. Matthew 18 gives a very clear pattern of how church discipline should be handled. First, the offended party should go to the offender. If it isn't resolved, he should take two others, and if that doesn't work, it goes before the church, and if the offender still won't repent, then, he or she is removed from fellowship. This pastor did not carry it out in Matthew 18 fashion at all. I bring all this up for a reason.
This week, I have been reading a book that hits very close to home for many. This is Churches that Abuse, by Ronald M. Enroth. This book is copyrighted 1992, and it tells the stories of many different high-control groups that have emerged in the name of Christianity. Since this book came out thirty years ago, many more such groups have emerged, but very little changes. The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun. (Ecclesiastes 1:9).
In reading this very interesting book, I was struck with a few things. 1) I was shocked by the disproportionate number of cult-like churches that have emerged in my home state of California, as opposed to the rest of the country (I won't be examining that further here, but I found that odd and interesting, although the author lives in California, so he may have had more access to cults there, which may have affected the number of Californian abusive churches he had access to and mentioned in the book). 2) Abusive churches are nothing new (there were nineteenth century examples in the book). 3) Rational, intelligent people can be manipulated into high-control groups. 4) People stay in high-control groups, even after the fun is over, and have a very hard-time leaving. 5) This was the most sobering: While a lot of out-and-out cults were discussed, it was pointed out that even "normal" churches with regular Christian doctrine can become cult-like and abusive. There is often good fruit that comes from these churches. This leads to so much confusion in trying to separate the truth from error. It certainly complicated my journey out of the abusive church I started talking about at the beginning.
Why do good groups go bad? How can we be discerning enough to avoid falling in with an abusive church?
One reason given in the book was that we, as humans, have a sort of need for heroes. People to look up to. We probably all have them. People we view as the authority. People we quote and agree with. When I was growing up, my parents really respected Dr. James Dobson, of Focus on the Family. A lot of friends of mine through college revered missionary-martyr Jim Elliot, and his widow (who was still living at the time) Elisabeth Elliot, and would quote them. A lot of my friends on Facebook today share quotes by R.C. Sproul, John Piper, and Alistair Begg. My personal hero is Brother Andrew (who smuggled Bibles into the Soviet Union at the height of the Cold War). Every one of these people I mentioned is deserving of respect for what they have done for the kingdom, and we can learn a lot from them. But we need to be very careful not to go too far. Just because we like them doesn't mean we should unquestioningly agree with everything they ever said or did. Most of these people wouldn't want us to do that. We need to do our own thinking, with the guidance of the Holy Spirit and the Word of God. The people we admire are just like us. They make mistakes. They have their own hangups. They might have a strong opinion about something, but then, upon further growth in their own lives, and deeper study of the Bible, come to draw a different opinion. They are not God. They are allowed to change their minds. Besides all of that, these people have their own calling from the Lord that is distinct and different from yours. We need to be careful about putting people on a pedestal. A few times in the course of my life of ministry, I had people really thinking highly of me, and put me on a pedestal, and it made me very uncomfortable. When you're someone's idol, all you can do is fail them. Only Jesus can handle our worship. But there is always someone wanting to test that. Wanting to be your leader and hero, to have your unquestioned loyalty. Though they would never say this, they want your worship and allegiance. They want to be in control. And we often give it to them. This is very wrong, very dangerous, and sadly, very common.
Any leader who can't handle being disagreed with is someone to avoid. Any leader who preaches more about their spiritual authority over you than about God is someone to avoid. Any leader who spends the majority of his time complaining about others is someone to avoid. Any leader who acts as if he is your mediator to God is someone to avoid. In Jeremiah 31:34 gives a beautiful promise: No longer will they teach their neighbor, or say to one another, 'Know the Lord,' because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, declares the Lord... This promise was kept when Jesus came to die for our sins and rise again, purchasing our redemption and right standing with God. Hebrews 8:11 reiterates this promise. All Christians have the Holy Spirit, the very presence of God dwelling in us. We don't need a human mediator. Jesus is that for us (First Timothy 2:5). We have access to God, and don't need anyone else to give us that privilege. Among humanity, there is no pecking order in God's kingdom, and no hierarchy. We're all on an equal standing. This is not to say that we don't need spiritual teachers and leaders. It is only to say that the spiritual leader's place in your life has its limits. They are not your pathway to God. God can speak to you on His own. If what a leader tells you bothers you, and doesn't give you a peace in your heart as you bring it before the Lord, listen to that uneasiness. It very well may be the Holy Spirit. Test it out.
About the church I attended as a young teen. Some people who left after us were told by the leadership, "God will no longer be able to bless you if you leave our church." The person who had this said to them had the wherewithal to recognize it as the baloney it was, and sarcastically asked, "Who are you, the Pope?" It is scary to me that this church, which started out as a legitimate, Bible-teaching church, began to believe they were responsible for God being able to bless people. Here are some things to watch out for...
In examining a church, Bible study, or any other ministry group, look for a few things. Are they teaching God's word? Is the focus on Jesus Christ, or is it on the leader's agenda? Are other Christians outside the group seen as fellow servants of the Lord, or are they considered inferior and less spiritual? Does the leader welcome a diversity of convictions and opinions, or does he tell you what your convictions should be about things that are not spelled out in the Bible? Does the group consume every aspect of your life, cutting you off from others who love you? What is the good news this group proclaims? Is it Jesus Christ's death and resurrection, or is it how great the group is? Does the leader claim to have visions or words from the Lord that do more to promote him than to further God's kingdom? Is the leader excommunicating people and telling others not to associate with them? If excommunication is happening, is it being carried out according to Matthew 18, or is it arbitrary? Does the leader welcome opposing thoughts, or is he threatened by them? Are you allowed to question your leadership? Here's a big one. Are there checks and balances in the leadership? Remember, absolute power corrupts absolutely. Does the church or group have a board to whom the pastor/leader answers? Or is there congregational authority the pastor/leader must answer to? Even with these accountabilities in place, corruption can still happen, if the pastor has his yes-men in place as board members. Is there oversight of a denomination or organization? I am very wary of groups that claim to be independent. Not that I think all independent groups are bad. Some are wonderful. I'm just very careful about trusting when there isn't any accountability.
In Healing and the Kingdom, missionary Paul G. Hiebert says, ...Satan often tempts us at the point of our greatest strengths. His method is not to sell us rank heresy, but to take the good we have and distort it by appealing to our self-interests. This is a warning to leaders to be very careful not to fall into the trap of the enemy. In his book Narcissism Comes to Church, Christian therapist Chuck DeGrote points out that a disproportionate number of narcissists go into the ministry, as opposed to becoming doctors, schoolteachers, business owners, etc. Think about it--aside from a divine calling of God, who else but a narcissist would want to speak for God every week and have that power in people's lives? This is not to say that all, or even most, pastors are narcissists. I want to believe most have that calling of God on their lives. It is just a reminder that these people are out there. They are wolves in sheep's clothing. They will answer to God. Meanwhile, we are to be thinking people. We are to evaluate what people tell us. We are to be careful about whom to trust. We are to study God's word for ourselves (Second Timothy 2:15). There is no finger-pointing at the judgment, saying, "So-and-so deceived me." Jesus said it is our job not to be deceived (Matthew 24:4). You are responsible for your soul.
Jesus is our Good Shepherd (John 10:11). He loves you, and offers you freedom. Any human leader you put yourself under should be exemplifying Jesus' attributes of love, kindness, self-sacrifice, and humility. If your leader doesn't demonstrate these qualities, watch out. I'll close with a few tips for staying in control of your life, and avoiding giving control to a leader.
1) Beware of groupthink.
2) Maintain good friendships outside the church or group, and, if they are fellow-believers, refuse to think of them as inferior to those in your group.
3) Expose yourself to Christians who hold different theological positions than you do about non-essential doctrines. These people can truly enrich your life and keep you grounded.
4) Have a daily quiet time with the Lord, where you read the Bible, pray, and listen to the Holy Spirit.
5) Make sure you are being held accountable in your own life by believers you trust, who sharpen you in the Lord.
6) Draw your conclusions about what you believe, and about your convictions, based on the Word of God, and what the Holy Spirit is laying on your heart in your own walk with Him, not on what a leader tells you to believe.
7) Last but not least, be honest always--with others, and especially yourself.
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