Detained at the Border

     Sometimes, life lessons are spiritually deep, impacting one's relationship with God and others.  Other times, they are just plain practical. 

     My husband and I are wrapping up a 12-day missionary furlough we took to the northeastern US.  This trip was financed by money I saved up all year from donating plasma.  It is a great side-hustle, and I've used it to save up for trips and holidays over the last few years.  I recommend looking into plasma donation if you're interested in saving up some side money.

     Anyway, on this trip we were able to see some supporters and prayer partners in Ohio, Massachusetts, and Vermont, as well as present our ministry and share the Gospel in these and other surrounding states.  I remained in touch with our ministry board and colleagues back in Arkansas, and even hosted our monthly meeting over zoom.  Nonetheless, this trip did give a lot of rest, encouragement and fellowship.  It was a blessing to see so much of our country!

Janelle and Walter,  Columbus, Ohio

At Lake Erie, in New York state

The Atlantic Ocean, Ogunquit, Maine

Vermont State Capitol, Montpelier, VT

New England fall foliage

New England fall foliage 

Lake Willoughby,  VT

     Of course, even more than the scenery, we loved the fellowship with our friends and ministry partners.

     Toward the end of our time up north, we were encouraged by our friends in Vermont to go up into Quebec, Canada.  

     "But we no longer have valid passports," we explained.  Both of us had them in the past, but they're long-expired.

     "Neither do we," our friends explained,  "but if you have the enhanced driver's license, Canada will count it as a passport.  We just did a trip recently."  

     Hmm, I thought, I have the Real ID.  I knew all 50 states now issued this higher-security driver's license, and it was required for certain things now, but I didn't realize it worked as a passport into Canada.  What a fun idea, to run up into Quebec when we were so close!  I had not been outside the United States since my mission trip to Zambia the summer of 2000.  

     Walter and I decided to go for it!  We drove up to the border.  I was reminded of my favorite book God's Smuggler,  where Brother Andrew shared his exploits in sneaking Bibles across borders (even though you don't have to sneak Bibles between the US and Canada!).  

     When it was our turn, we drove up and presented the friendly Canadian border guard with our licenses.  We explained that we were just going shopping and then coming back into the US.  He happily let us drive into his country.  And just like that, we were in Quebec!

     It was kind of surreal, realizing, I'm in Canada!  We did some shopping, and admired more autumn foliage.

      About an hour later, we decided it was time to get back into Vermont, USA.  But we had a surprise.  Crossing back into the United States was much harder than crossing into Canada!  We gave the American guard our Real ID driver's licenses, and he told us that the Real ID is not the same thing as an enhanced license!  Only 5 states offer enhanced licenses, which can be used as passports into Canada, but our state of Arkansas is not one of them!  Technically,  the Canadian guard shouldn't have let us into Canada.  But he did.  Now, we weren't sure if we were going to be allowed back into the US!  

     We were detained at the customs office on the border.  It was like waiting at the DMV or some other government agency.  Even though we were mildly concerned, we felt the urge to crack up, as you can see in the picture (the window behind makes it look like we are outside,  but we were sitting in the office).  I'm not even sure what country we were technically in, since it was right on the border. 

     As soon as we took the picture,  we were told to put our phones away, which we did, but we were not told to erase the picture, so we didn't.  

     It was a half-hour wait, just sitting there.  They never called Walter up, but they summoned me a few times to ask me questions.  We determined that it took as quickly as it did because we both had US passports before, and they were able to trace them, but it took as long as it did because my former passport was under my maiden name, and I have no legal documentation that I keep on my person with my maiden name, so tracing mine took longer.  But finally, they determined that we were who our Arkansas drivers licenses said we were, and they let us into our country!

     As we drove back into Vermont, we both laughed hard, a result of the nervous tension, I'm sure.  We were so thankful to be in our nation.   It was a reminder to never take our US citizenship for granted.  It was a little alarming to realize how easy it was to get into Canada without being Canadian citizens, and how hard it was to get into the US as American citizens.

     More basically to the point, we learned that Real ID's (which all 50 states have) are not valid as international passports.   If you're like I was, and didn't really know, with all these new things coming out that we've had to get, now you know!  Make sure you have the right documentation for what you want to do.  Walter and I innocently misunderstood, but it could have been serious.  

     We are told in Luke 14:28, For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does no first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?  This applies to our Christian lives, as well as just practical decisions, like taking a quick trip to Canada! That is the greatest reminder and lesson from this trip.  Blessings!

And he loved her

      What passage has helped you through a confusing time in your life?  Is there any verse or chapter out of the Bible that really stands out, that God used to encourage and direct you?  

     Right now, my husband and I are in the process of adopting, and it is a waiting game.  Since we are adopting through the Cherokee Nation, that narrows the possible children down from the amount we would have if we were going through the foster system (and we don't knock any system.  We just feel led this direction).  But is there more we're supposed to do?  Should we change some of our criteria for children we could care for?  Should we go through a different agency?  Or are we doing all we can, and it's up to God now?

      At an earlier time in life (and I have many friends who have struggled with this as well, and some still are), I really waited on the Lord in the area of singleness/marriage.  Was I supposed to take action?  Was I supposed to be totally passive?  Did I need to leave the church I was at and join one with more available men?  I got so much advice, and it left me dizzy and discouraged.  What was I really supposed to do?

     Waiting for marriage, or waiting for adoption may not be your areas of struggle and waiting, but you surely have something in your life that you haven't been sure how to pursue.  

     One passage that has really encouraged me in these times of waiting and wondering about decisions has been Genesis 24.  It greatly encouraged me about waiting for my husband, but also encourages me in every other area.  There is so much we learn about God, ourselves, and what we're supposed to do in this chapter, and it's a lot easier than all the advice everyone gives us!  Let's take a look.

1) God's direct, angelic guidance

     This chapter starts with Abraham as an elderly man.  He is concerned about his son Isaac, who is not yet married.  Abraham wants Isaac to marry a godly woman with whom he can continue God's chosen people for another generation.  So what does Abraham do?  He calls his servant (whose name is never given to us) and asks him to go back to his home country to find a wife for Isaac.  The servant has some questions (which I'll come back to).  Abraham gives his servant assurance of the promise God has given him, and tells him that God's angel will guide him in this endeavor.  ...he shall send his angel before thee, and thou shalt take a wife unto my son from thence. (verse 7).  This should give a biblical basis for the fact that God directly guides our lives.  

     To quote Benjamin Franklin, God governs in the affairs of man.  I hasten to add that Benjamin Franklin wasn't a born-again Christian, but he was a God-fearer, and this statement is scriptural.  We see all through the Bible how God directly intervenes in the lives of people.  A lot of Christians I know almost remind me of the Deists in early America--those who believe God set the world in motion, but hasn't been involved since.  These Christians theoretically believe God is involved, but they just take a passive approach to life, and never seek God's guidance.  They fail to see the connection between what is happening in their lives and what is happening in the spiritual realm, what God may be doing.  That is a very one-dimensional way to live.  No thank you!  

     We see other passages where God speaks about guiding us directly.  Psalm 32:8 says, I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.  Isaiah 30:21 says, And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.  In the New Testament, we are told that the Holy Spirit guides us into all truth (John 16:13).  God is perfectly able to guide us, and He will if we're able to listen and obey.  

Your efforts are your responsibility, but the results are not.

     As Abraham instructed his servant, he servant asked questions (again, I will touch on that in the next point).  As I read his dialog with Abraham, it seems to me that he was concerned about where his responsibility ended.  If the girl he met wasn't willing to return with him to Canaan, was he supposed to bring Isaac back to Abraham's home country?  Abraham quickly assured him this wasn't the case, and told him in verse 8: if the woman will not be willing to follow thee, then thou shalt be clear from this my oath...

     Abraham told the servant what he expected of him, and once he had done all he'd been asked, his job was done.  Abraham recognized that this servant had no control over other people.  There is a very limited number of things we can control.  There are a few more things we can control if other people cooperate with the way we want it done.  But God is the only one ultimately in charge.  We can't control the outcome.  We can just do what we've been given to do.  This is true in all areas of our lives.  Christians are called to share the gospel (Mark 16:15, ...Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation.).  But we are never commanded to save anyone.  In fact, Acts 2:47 assures us: And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.  God does the work in hearts and lives.  We are the obedient messengers.  That is all we are called to do, in all things.  

     In applying this passage to my past experience of wondering if I was called to leave my church and go to a larger one with more men, I can see that I was simply called to obey God's leading in my life (which was to serve in the church He had led me to) and let Him do the rest.  I'm not advocating passivity. I'm not encouraging us to be complacent.  We should seize every opportunity God gives us.  But we also shouldn't allow ourselves to be pressured into pursuing something that takes us out of God's specific will for us.  Ephesians 5:17 says, Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.  

Get specific 

     I've heard some Christians talk about God's "sovereign will" or His "permissive will" to explain the unexplainable.  There is truth to that.  We can't understand all of God's ways and workings.  Isaiah 40:13 says, Who has measured the Spirit of the LORD, or what man shows him his counsel?  

     However, having said that, we also need to realize that we can seek God specifically, and we should.  We already saw how God wants to lead and guide us.  Knowing this about our God, we can ask Him the specific questions.  We can do the same with the people in our lives.  Abraham's servant asked very specific questions of Abraham (verse 5).  He wanted to make sure he was doing right.  It is good and right to confirm what we're supposed to be doing.  

     After he had directions from his master Abraham, the servant didn't just stop there.  He sought the Lord for very specific guidance.  He knew he had a big job to do, and needed God's help.  In verses 12-14, the servant puts what we would call a fleece before the Lord (but it wouldn't have been called a fleece, because that terminology is in reference to Gideon, who sought God's guidance in Judges 6--many years after this narrative in Genesis).  The servant asked God for very specific confirmation about the right woman that He intended to be Issac's wife.  He asked that this woman would offer to water his camels after he asked for a drink for himself.  This servant was truly seeking God's will, and God honored that.  

     Some people doubt the wisdom of putting out a fleece (again, the term is in reference to a much later story).  I think it's something to be careful about.  Even when Gideon asked for his fleece in the book of Judges, he wasn't totally convinced of God's will, and had to ask for additional confirmation.  By contrast, I believe Abraham's servant was truly seeking God in faith.  That's the example for us.  If your heart is to really know and do the will of God, God will guide.  Jeremiah 29:13 tells us, You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.  How do you know when you're seeking with all your heart?  Is it a feeling you're supposed to get?  Is it when you get some result?  I believe this is when you truly want God's will above all else, and are committed to obeying in faith whatever God shows you.  19th century evangelist and orphanage director George Mueller prayed that his heart would get to the point that it had no will of its own.  He said,  Nine-tenths of the difficulties are overcome when our hearts are ready to do the Lord's will, whatever it may be.  Surrender is the key.

God is glorified, and a soul is saved.     

     We know very little about this mysterious servant.  But we can see that he earnestly wanted to do right.  In verse 12, the servant referred to the Lord as Abraham's God, and yet had enough faith in his master's God to seek His will and make a specific request.  He acted in faith, even if he wasn't claiming God for his own Savior yet.  In verse 21, after Rebekah meets the criterion he had just prayed for, the servant takes it all in, to see if God was really doing this.  In verse 26, he then worshipped the Lord.  God had glorified Himself in the eyes of this man.  In verse 27, he again refers to Him as Abraham's God.  He also does this as he recounts the story to Rebekah's family.  However, in verse 52, after Rebekah's family has given him their blessing, he again worships God, and in verse 56, he simply calls God The Lord, saying ...the Lord hath prospered my way...

     We don't know this man's real story of faith.  Perhaps he already believed and feared the true God, but used the terms "Abraham's God" as a formality, but this story seems very much like his own personal salvation story.  He saw the power of Abraham's God.  He sought God's guidance, then rejoiced when he received it.  He claimed God as the Lord.  If nothing else, this man definitely grew in faith through seeing God work in this situation.  When God works, it brings people to Himself.  As He works out His will in your life, others who see what He does will glorify God too!  

     After Jesus had raised Lazarus from the dead (a major miracle in anyone's book), we are told in John 11:45, Therefore many of the Jews who had come to visit Mary, and had seen what Jesus did, believed in him.  After the earthquake that opened the prison doors in Acts 16 (yet none of the prisoners had escaped), the Philippian jailer recognized God at work, and immediately asked, Sirs, what must I do to be saved? (verse 30). Seeing an act of God brings people to faith in Him!  

Diligence pays off

     Rebekah knew nothing about the fervent prayers of the servant, but she offered to water his camels (verse 19).  This went beyond the social expectation of the day.  This was not a simple task of filling a water dish for a pet.  In verse 10, we are told that the servant had taken ten of Abraham's camels.  Some believe Rebekah would have had to draw somewhere between 140 and 250 gallons of water from the well, and possibly taken hours.  This was all for someone she didn't even know.  She worked hard, and was richly rewarded for it! 

     While we are completely dependent on God's guidance and action in our lives, we can still work hard and be diligent people as we wait.  We are told in Colossians 3:23-24, And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.  Rebekah certainly got that reward, and we can too.  By being diligent, we are often playing right into God's plan, just as Rebekah was without knowing it.

  Rebekah made a choice

     Abraham's servant was given the blessing by Rebekah's family, but Rebekah was still consulted.  Verse 58 says,  And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go.  We have choices to make.  That is why we need to be seeking God in our own lives every day, so we discern whether an opportunity presented to us is of Him.  We need to first of all be choosing God's will for our lives, and within the larger context of that, we need to make good decisions, using what we know about God's word, and how the Holy Spirit is leading us specifically.  

    One of my favorite verses about decision-making is Proverbs 3:5-6, Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.  God guides our decisions.  This is especially true for those of us who have the Holy Spirit inside of us.  We need to ask Him to be the Lord of our choices, and He will.  

And He loved her

     This is my very favorite part of all of this!  Rebekah goes with Abraham's servant back to Canaan.  When she sees Isaac, he seems to have caught her attention, because in verse 65, she asked who he was, and when the servant told her, she put on her bridal vail.  It isn't too difficult to imagine an attraction there!   And we don't have to imagine how Isaac felt about her.  The servant told Isaac how everything had transpired, and we are told in verse 67 (the final verse in the chapter): And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.  

     This is the first time in scripture (and therefore in history) that it actually mentions a man loving a woman.  This isn't to say that Adam didn't love Eve, or that Noah didn't love his wife, or that Abraham didn't love Sarah.  I believe they all did.  But Isaac and Rebekah's story was a true romance, and it all came about by God's guidance. I think it is the most romantic story in the Bible, and when I was single, I had a little Bible crush on Isaac!  He was the only patriarch who was a one-woman man...because "he loved her."  

     Also worth noting, Rebekah was a comfort to Isaac after he lost his mother.  Part of love involves heartwarming comfort. 

     We don't even know if Isaac was aware that the servant was trying to find him a wife.  And that's a lesson for us.  God is often at work orchestrating things when we have no idea.  

Summing it all up

     There's a lot in this passage, particularly about God's guidance. It is probably understandable why this passage helped me as I waited on God for my husband, since it is about Isaac and Rebekah's marriage.  But it can be applied to all areas of life.  We need to seek God's guidance, like Abraham's servant did.  Don't feel pressured to take things into your own hands.  Let God show you what He wants you to do, and obey Him.  

     So what can we do?  A Bible study leader I had many years ago used to encourage us to ask God to give us a glimpse into what He was doing.  I believe that is equivalent to what the servant did.  Ask God to give you that glimpse.  He does, if you are truly seeking Him and His will for you.  He often gave those glimpses to the Apostle Paul (this post is long enough, but if you want references, check out Acts 16:9-10; Acts 18:10, Acts 27:23-24), and He gave a very big glimpse to John (the book of Revelation).  He will instruct you and teach you.  Your job is to obey Him to the best of your ability, and then sit back and enjoy the ride!

Secret Spy

     "Janelle is going to share with us today," Mr. Johnson announced to the class full of eager second-graders.  I nervously walked to the front of the room.  Mr. Johnson had done a brief Bible story for the kids, and now he was asking me to come up.  

     I say this as if Mr. Johnson forced it on me.  He didn't.  In fact, I had requested it.  Not so much because I wanted to.  It was more a matter of not being able not to do it.  I was going into my freshman year of high school, and something about me was changing.  I had a passion to tell people about Christ.  I had to witness to people.  I couldn't not do it!  

Me, that fateful summer of 1996.  This picture was taken right around the same time as the VBS.  I was 14, and had no idea what I was getting myself into!

     Even at the time, I noticed that very few children's ministry curriculum focused specifically on evangelism.  Children could go to the same church for years and never really get a clear gospel presentation.  They could come in lost, and leave knowing all kinds of facts about God, but still be just as lost.  I had a passion to share Christ and His life-giving salvation with these children at Vacation Bible School.  I had asked Mr. Johnson before class if I could witness to them, and he had happily agreed.  I think it tickled him to see a teenager wanting to do this.  

    As I stood before these seven-year-olds, this power suddenly filled the room.  I can't account for it, except that it was the Lord.  As I shared the gospel with them (our sin, Christ's sacrifice, man's response), the words flowed from me effortlessly, and doing it was joyful.  I knew I was saying what God wanted me to say.  It was as if I just had to get it out, and couldn't have kept it in much longer.  

     As I wrapped it up, I asked if anyone there wanted to receive Christ.  Several hands went up.  I wasn't really prepared for what to do once it got to this point.  I wanted to take them away to a quieter place without distractions, so I said for everyone who wanted to receive Christ to follow me.  Those who had raised their hands stood up and followed me out of the room.  I took them outside, and as I did, we ran into the children's ministry director Angie* (not her real name).  I quickly explained to her that these kids wanted to be saved.  I asked if she could get David* one of the other kids in the youth group who was spiritually mature enough to help me.  Angie ran and retrieved David from the class he was helping in.  I left the boys with him, and I took the girls around the corner to talk with them.  When we finished, and they had received Christ, I walked back to David, and he was just wrapping up.  I felt good.  David was very excited.  God had just done something.

     Angie had a nervous smile.  She told me that I shouldn't have taken the girls around the corner like that.  She added, "Someone could say something."  I was fourteen, and had no idea what she meant.  From an adult viewpoint, I know she meant that a child could lie and make an accusation.  I realize that now.  Our ministry today has a lot of training and policies in place for protection.  But I was fourteen, and had a PG-rated mind.  I just nodded my head, as if I agreed.  I had the feeling Angie wasn't really that thrilled with the salvations.  She seemed as if she were just barely humoring me.  This kind of gospel presentation wasn't part of the VBS plan, and I was stirring things up.  

     Before I go on, I need to point out that the church's lack of care or planning for salvations was the real problem here.  I was sharing the gospel, which is the whole point of VBS!  I might not have done everything perfectly, but their lack of planning for this was to blame.  If evangelism were part of their priorities, they would have trained all of us on where to take kids who wanted to make a decision.  It wouldn't have been up to the discretion of a teenager on the spur of the moment.  

This picture was taken a few months later.  My illusions of how the world worked had been shattered.  I was also now aware of my calling.

     The next day, I presented the gospel again, and more kids wanted to receive Christ.  I knew I wasn't allowed to take them behind the building, but I didn't really know where, so I just took them outside.  Angie saw me, and started yelling at me in front of the kids, telling me I hadn't listened to her.  I felt very confused and ashamed, but I left those feelings aside for the moment and just asked her where I could take them.  She let me share with them in the hall.  It was kind of hard, because people were walking by, and it was very distracting.  

     My "radical" evangelism reached the pastor's ears, and he was apparently very concerned about it.  He told Mr. Johnson I wasn't allowed to witness anymore.  The reason he gave was that I was too young.  I did not know this at the time.  Mr. Johnson was put in a moral dilemma, but he chose to let me continue sharing every day.  He felt kids getting saved was more important than the pastor's preferences.  All in all, 14 kids got saved in our class for the week.  Angels rejoiced, and new names were written in the Lamb's Book of Life.  I have no regrets.  I ran into some of the kids around town after VBS, and they would ask me to share the gospel with their friends who were with them.  It was like I had a sign on my back that said "Ask me to tell you about Jesus."  I couldn't have stopped if I wanted to. 

     The pastor, displeased with Mr. Johnson and with me, kicked us all out of the church.  In talking with my dad, he said we weren't welcome because I was "too different."  That is absolute malarkey.  It was hard, because I was at an age when acceptance means everything, and I was being rejected in a place where I should have found acceptance and love.  A good pastor would be proud of a teenager who wanted to witness.  I deeply internalized what happened, and it hurt badly.  Mr. Johnson wrote me a letter, telling me I had done a wonderful job for the Lord and encouraging me to be a missionary.  That was a light in the midst of a dark time.  

     Even though it took me many years to understand what had happened and sort it all out, I did realize at the beginning that the gospel was a powerful weapon, and some people were threatened by it, even some Christians.  

     The next year, I became a summer missionary with the Christian Youth in Action program.  Life moved forward.  I knew I wanted to do evangelism and ministry.  Nothing else hit the spot for me deep inside.  And, as I said, I couldn't not do it.  

One of my mission trip groups.

     I got my first job right out of high school, at a church-based day care center.  They had a preschool program, and also had before and after-school care for Kindergarten-6th graders.  My first day in the classroom with the elementary kids, I was asked to do a Bible lesson.  I knew immediately what I would do!  I shared the gospel. I told the children about God's love, our sin, and what Jesus had done for us.  I then said, "Because of what Jesus did, you and I can have our sins forgiven."  I read Acts 16:31, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved...  Before I could say another word, an 8-year-old named Michaela asked earnestly, "Can I do that right now?"  Several others also said they wanted to.  I was able to lead 14 children to the Lord that day.  Well, they didn't stay silent about their new faith.  They went home and witnessed to their parents.  They witnessed to other kids in the program.  More and more were getting saved. It seemed like daily, and I was reminded of Acts 2:47, And the Lord added to their numbers daily such as were being saved.  It was miraculous.  I saw children as young as four recognized their sin and need of Christ.  

These were among the first to receive Christ at that job.  It has been many years, and they are adults now, but I know I'll see them in Heaven.

     This did not go unnoticed,  My boss Paula* approached me one day and asked to talk to me.  I could tell this wasn't good.  It turns out, one of the children had attempted to witness to her.  Paula told me I reminded her of the former janitor.  She paused and said thoughtfully, "It's probably his doing that you're here."  I didn't know what that meant at first. 

     She went on to explain that this janitor was a really strong Christian, and was always telling the kids about Jesus.  He gave them fun tracts and Bible verses, and the kids all loved him (I gathered the staff did not).  When his job transferred him to another location to clean, he told Paula he would continue to pray for them.  Upon hearing this, I became convinced his prayers brought me there to continue sharing the gospel that he had started.  I knew at that moment that if I left, God would bring someone else.  God was doing something here.  This place, even though it was affiliated with a Christian church, was resistant to the gospel.  They were into little Bible stories, but nothing too spiritual.  

    My boss forbade me from continuing to witness to the kids.  And then, the interview was over, as quickly as it had started.  I was nineteen years old, and was facing a moral dilemma.  Was I supposed to obey my boss, or did I continue sharing the gospel?  Well, the short answer (though I came to it after a lot of prayer and soul-searching), was that I was to obey God rather than my human boss.  Peter said as much in Acts 5:29, We must obey God rather than men.  

     At the time, I reached out to Christian friends for advice.  Some said I should just quit, if my boss was asking me to go against God.  Others said that, even if I couldn't openly witness, I could still live out my faith.  Neither of these answers struck me as what God would have me do.  That's the thing about a moral dilemma.  You have to decide for yourself.  These friends weren't giving me bad advice.  They were just sharing what their consciences would have led them to do.  It simply wasn't what I was called to do.  Without getting a lot of support, I quietly became a secret spy evangelist.  Out of everybody else in the world, I was the one God had put there, and I was answerable to Him.  This was the direction my conscience led me.  Romans 14:23 says, ...For whatever does not proceed out of faith is sin.  It would have been a sin for me to do anything else.  

More students I look forward to seeing in Heaven one day.

     I decided on a few things.  

1) If I was going to disobey my boss in this area (which I didn't take lightly), I needed to obey and be a model employee in every other area.  I vowed I would respect and honor her.  I refused to complain about her with other employees.  I would show her love in any way I could.  That was my first decision.  

2) Since my boss hadn't given me specifics on what I could or couldn't say (and it was a Christian place where talk about God and the Bible were allowed), I decided that if I got caught while quietly continuing to evangelize, I would plead ignorance.  

3) Instead of sharing with large groups of kids, I would share more one-on-one with individuals.

4) Since a lot of the kids were saved by this point, I would have them do as much of the evangelism as possible, because they couldn't get in trouble for it.  

5) I decided to say things to the kids that would provoke questions about Christ, which would then lead me to evangelize.  That way, if I got caught, I could honestly claim I was simply answering a question. 

6) Finally, I would form really good relationships with all the parents of our children, so that if anything ever came up, I would have them as allies.  That was my plan moving forward. 

     I continued to share the gospel with kids, and saw kids saved every week.  I was discrete.  I remember one Monday, I shared the gospel with a first grader named Michael as he played by himself in the sand.  He listened quietly, but didn't say anything.  I didn't ask for a decision.  The next day, I shared with him again, and again, he listened quietly.  I continued this all week.  Finally, on Friday, I decided he had heard it enough, and I decided to ask him if he wanted to receive Christ.  

     "Why should I do it now?" Michael asked when I proposed the idea of making a decision.  "I already did it on Monday, the first time you told me about it!"  

     God was truly at work.  

     Another little boy who attended the day care was a ten-year-old from a religiously-mixed family.  His mother was Jewish and his father was a nominal Christian.  They were open to all of it, and celebrated all holidays.  This boy was the class clown, and joked a lot during Bible time.  I decided to share the gospel with him one day.  He made jokes the whole time, and when I asked if he wanted to receive Christ, he laughed and said, "I don't need that!"  I shrugged and started to turn away.  I got about two steps when he said, "Wait, come back!  

     "Yes?"

     "I really do need Jesus.  Will you help me?"  

     Angels rejoiced that day as this boy placed his faith in Jesus!  The last thing he ever said to me when I left that job a year later to pursue missions was, "I'm so glad I'm going to Heaven!"  I was very glad I had disobeyed my boss and continued sharing.  This was worth it. 

     Stories like this were happening all the time.  Daily, I would go on a walk during my lunch break.  There was a hill behind the school, where I could go up and look down at the children on the playground (but they couldn't see me), and I would pray for them.  I would pray for protection, and I asked God to blind Paula's eyes to what I was doing, until the time came that she needed to know.  I somehow knew that one day, she would know.  I would have my reckoning.

     I went full-time into a ministry organization (the one I currently serve with, in fact).  I was serving in my home area, and I had the opportunity to do a 5-day Bible Club at my old job.  Paula seemed very open to having us, but she wasn't in the classroom while we taught.  I kind of knew I was still walking on thin ice. 

     On Thursday of that week, I was reading in my quiet time from Acts 7, about the stoning of Stephen.  I was struck by verse 55, where Stephen looked up and saw Jesus standing at the right hand of God, just before he died.  It was as if the Holy Spirit were saying to me, "Look to Me today, and you won't feel the stones."  Somehow, I knew the jig was up.  I had my reckoning.

    When we arrived at the day care for the Bible Club, Paula asked to speak with me.  She was very nervous and told me she knew that I had done a salvation invitation the previous day.  She told me emphatically, "You worked here years and years, and you know we never, ever do that!"  

     The only thing I could think to say in that moment was, "You know, isn't this a Christian school?"  

     Before more could be said, someone called Paula away, and she had to leave the conversation.  We did our club as usual, but as soon as we ended for the day, I found Paula, and we had a talk.  She voiced her real concerns with me, and I was able to listen.  I had prepared to share a certain verse with her, but the Lord took that out of my mind, and instead, I found myself saying, "In a thousand years, it won't matter if someone disagrees with what we're doing, but it will matter greatly if someone receives Christ."  

     The look in Paula's eyes changed to one of clarity.  She was hearing me.  The Lord was at work.  She said, "You're right!  Oh my goodness.  We need what you're doing!  What if one of these kids got in a car accident and died!  I would be so happy you were here sharing Jesus with them!  You can come back any time you want."  

     It was this instantaneous change.  I had never before seen that, nor have I since.  For years, I went back to this school and did ministry.  Paula is now a supporter of my husband and me in our ministry.  

     After reading this, you can probably understand (as I had shared in recent posts) why the Bible Smuggler Brother Andrew was my hero.  We have to share the gospel.  We have to obey God rather than man.  Every situation is different.  For a while, I worked for a more secular organization, and in that situation, I didn't feel propelled to sneak the gospel in directly (though there were ways I was able to minister and get truth across).  

     I'd like to make two points:  

     1) Stories like what I've shared in this blog are why I just can't agree with people who say that American Christians have never experienced persecution.  I'm not in any way comparing what I went through to people who worship Jesus under communism, or in Islamic nations.  I'm not saying that.  But I am reserving the right to disagree with the popular consensus that Christians in the US (and other Western Nations) haven't experienced persecution.  Second Timothy 3:12, Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.  No matter what nation you are in, living for Jesus goes against the grain, even in some churches and Christian organizations.  It isn't always being fed to the lions.  It isn't always being imprisoned.  Sometimes, it's having your job threatened.  Sometimes, it's being totally misunderstood and maligned by those who know better (such as my pastor when I was fourteen).  Sometimes, it is losing relationships (which I did in some respects through these experiences--I didn't have time to elaborate on those aspects of it here).  

     2) The final point I'll draw here is that most of the resistance I have experienced for sharing the gospel has been from fellow Christians (or at least those who claimed to be).  It has been from the organized church.  In fact, as I type this, I am awaiting a confrontational meeting I have been summoned to, which will take place later today with a fellow Christian who is unhappy with the evangelism I have been doing (this person is not part of the ministry we serve with, but is part of something I volunteer with).  It will be over by the time you read this.  I am not looking forward to this meeting, but I know that Jesus goes before me.  I know that Matthew 10:19-20 reminds me, do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.  So why do Christians oppose ministry?  We expect it from the world, but why would the church (collectively) be against sharing the gospel?  

     Believe it or not, Jesus warned about it.  John 16:2-3 says, They shall put you out of the synagogues: yea, the time cometh, that whosoever killeth you will think that he doeth God service. And these things will they do unto you, because they have not known the Father, nor me.  Jesus was warning the disciples of the persecution that would come from those who claimed to know and speak for God.  As you read the book of Acts, you'll notice that it was the established religious community that gave the apostles the most trouble (not 100%, but a lot).  And this passage from Jesus in John 16 tells us why these professing believers will do this.  They don't really know God or Jesus.  This isn't to say that these church people who are resistant to evangelism are all unsaved, or that they're only pretending to be Christians.  I happen to believe every oppositional person I mentioned in this post was saved. I do not doubt their salvation.  However, I do believe that this verse is saying that when they objected to evangelism, they were not acting in according with God's will.  Their priorities in this situation were not in line with God's.  

     I find a lot of American churches (and this is probably true many places, I just happen to live in the US, so I can speak for my own country) say they want the gospel to go forth, and yet they don't really have a systematic way to present clearly.  I see Vacation Bible Schools that focus on cute skits and crafts, but only have one Gospel presentation during the week (usually Wednesday or Thursday), and some kids don't attend that day. They miss out on the gospel.  If church leaders really want salvation to happen, they need to be intentional about it, so a 14-year-old doesn't have to try to fit it in.  We should be sharing the gospel daily.  Every Sunday,  Ever Wednesday night.  Every day of VBS.  We can't afford to let opportunities pass us by!  But since the gospel isn't a very high priority in many of these ministries, when someone comes in and shares it within the gospel-less curriculum, it stirs everyone up and people get concerned.  This has been my experience.  

     God has challenged me with Second Timothy 4:2a,5, preach the word; be ready in season and out of season...always be sober-minded,  endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.

     Doing secret spy evangelism (or any other kind of evangelism) goes against the grain.  Are you willing to go against the grain for God?  I can't imagine what Christians in closed nations go through--the anxiety of having their welfare threatened for the sake of Christ.  And yet I doubt many of them can imagine Christians in "free" nations being rebuked, not by the government, but by their pastor, their Christian boss, their Sunday school superintendent.  The psychological and spiritual abuse "free" Christians endure is just another kind of persecution, straight from Satan.  But we are to take heart, and follow the example of the apostles, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name.  (Acts 5:41).  No matter where on earth you live, you will ruffle feathers.  Are you willing?  

     

I Have a Dream

     The story had me spellbound.  It was fictional, but portrayed a real-to-life situation.  I related to these characters, and wanted this for my life.  These people were well-written, with strengths and weaknesses I could identify with.  Fumbling and making mistakes along the way, they sought God's will above all else, and eventually got their heart's desires.  I didn't just enjoy and relate to this.  I felt God had led me to this story, just to awaken something He had already put inside of me.  

     In my last post, I talked about the specific things God calls each of us to do--things He has specifically planned for us.  I referred to the idea that sometimes, a clue to our calling is that certain things might resound with us.  Maybe someone with a similar calling shares their testimony, and it just validates you and ministers to your heart.  You can see yourself in their story.  I am going to expound a little more on that this time. 

     What stories, real or fiction, resound with you?  Who or what do you relate to?  What speaks to your heart, giving you a sense that you want that for your own life?  My theory is, people don't just like stories because they think they're cool and want to be more like the characters.  I think the reason people like certain stories is because those stories hit something deep inside that was already there--something God put there.  In the previous post, I shared how Brother Andrew's real-life exploits doing Bible smuggling behind the Iron Curtain resounded with me, and even shaped the way I live and do ministry.  I started this post referring to a fictional account that also hit home for me.  What resounds with you that way?  

     As we examine this idea of things resounding with us, we must guard against the humanistic tendency to just think that anything we happen to like or want is from God and that we should just pursue whatever we feel like doing.  We are human, and in our flesh, we are capable of wanting things that are contrary to God's will.  The more we are walking with the Lord, however, the more we can count on the desires in our hearts to be from Him.  The most encouraging verse I know about that is Psalm 37:4, Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.    Sometimes, as we delight in our Lord, He comes in and changes our desires to things He has in store for us.  And other times, he reawakens old, dead dreams that were from Him in the first place.  

     A number of years ago, I really loved a song by Geoff Bullock.  Its lyrics fit what I'm saying here. Have faith in God. Let your hope rest on the faith He has placed in your heart.  Never give up.  Never let go of the faith He has placed in your heart.  This isn't just telling us to hold onto our dreams.  It is telling us to hold onto what God has put into us.  The focus is God, not our dreams.  God will show you what to hold out for in your life--what is really of Him.  

     Allen Parr, one of my favorite online Bible Teachers pointed out that a good example of this is found in First Samuel chapter 1 (Excellent 7 minute video of Allen Parr's thoughts on First Samuel 1 here.).  

Allen Parr

     In First Samuel 1, we read about a woman named Hannah.  Hannah was in a situation that was not God's plan for humanity.  She was one of two wives to a man named Elkanah.  Hannah was barren, while the other wife, Peninnah, had given Elkahah many sons and daughters.  We are told that Peninnah provoked Hannah bitterly.  The King James Bible refers to Peninnah as Hannah's adversary.  The New American Standard uses the term rival.  This clearly was not a happy situation.  The husband, Elkanah, appears to be totally clueless about why any of this was a problem (see verse 8).  

     Having a baby was the desire of Hannah's heart.  And it is a desire of mine as well, so I can relate to that aspect of Hannah's story.  As of this writing, I am almost 41 years old.  I have been happily married for several years, but we have not had our own children.  We haven't given up, but we do all we can, and it hasn't happened for us.  I have shared that we are in the adoption process, which is a lot of waiting.  Maybe your desire is something else.  Maybe it's marriage.  Maybe it's that right career, that opportunity you've been waiting for, success in your efforts, a specific ministry.  God knows what it is.

     Getting back to the passage, we can see that Hannah had pressure from all sides.  She had that internal pressure from herself of just wanting it so badly.  She had the external pressure of society expecting her to bear children.  And she even faced a level of pressure from her husband.  We don't know their story.  Perhaps Elkanah married Hannah first, and then married Peninnah after Hannah was unable to bear him children.  We don't know.  But once the situation was as we read it here, Elkanah pressured Hannah to just be happy with the situation, when she really wasn't.  Yes, Hannah faced a lot of pressure, both from within and without. Do you?  Are you waiting for your breakthrough?  

     There is a key to what Hannah did next.  In verse 7, we are told Hannah would go to the house of the Lord.  She would go worship.  In verses 9-18, we read about Hannah going before the Lord and really pouring out her heart.  She was so passionate that the priest, Eli, thought she was drunk at first, and rebuked her.  Hannah explained herself, and Eli then said to her, Go in peace; and may the God of Israel grant your request that you have asked of Him. (verse 17).  

     It is easy enough to praise and worship God after we get what we hoped for, but Hannah was able to do it before.  And she wasn't fake about it.  She didn't put on a plastic smile and sing worship songs.  She cried out to God, and God heard and honored her.  The immediate response to her plea to the Lord is found at the end of verse 18: ...and her face was no loner sad.  She felt better.  But it didn't stop there.

     Verses 19-20 tell about how Hannah conceived and bore a son, a boy she named Samuel because,  I have asked for him of the Lord. (verse 20).  Hannah had worshipped in spite of unfulfilled desire, and God honored that and gave her the breakthrough she was waiting for. This isn't a magic formula, but it does give us some lessons.  God honors us when we honor Him.  We need to worship in spite of unfilled desires. Keep obeying Him.  Keep trusting Him.  

     One way to test if a dream or desire is really of Him is that God always just stirs it up again, no matter how often it is discouraged.  Does this dream keep rising out of the ashes of disappointment?  If a dream is really of God, it will happen.  Romans 8:31 says, If God is for us, who can be against us?  Follow God in obedience.  Listen to your convictions along the way.  Resist the urge to make it happen in your own time.  Abraham and Sarah did that.  In Genesis 16, they decided God wasn't fulfilling His promise of giving them descendants, so Abraham followed Sarah's suggestion of sleeping with Hagar (Sarah's maid).  The result was family discord for all concerned, not the child of promise.  God's promised child came to Abraham and Sarah much later in God's way and timing.  Abraham and Sarah trying to make it happen in their way led to a lot of trouble for them, and didn't accomplish anything as far as the promise (though God loved Hagar's child Ishmael, and his descendants, and they are people God had planned to create from the foundation of the world).  

     Has there been a time God has specifically affirmed your desire as being of Him--where He just gave you that hope to hold out for?  Maybe, like Queen Esther in the Old Testament, timing is key.  She was brought into the palace for such a time as this (Esther 4:14).  The same is true of your situation.  

     In the early/mid 2000's, I was dating a guy I'll call Brad* whom I had met in a college Bible study.  Well, dating might be too strong a word.  This young man hung out around me, showed exclusive interest and attentiveness to me, invited me out to his car after study to listen to music, wrote me notes, and occasionally called me.  But when things would seem like they were moving toward getting serious, Brad would pull way back from me.  I think the modern crowd calls that ghosting, but we had no such word for it back then.  Having been burned by a similar relationship, I simply let him pull back.  I wasn't about to chase him down.  I would never have thrown myself at anybody at that point.  I would steel my resolve to ignore Brad in the future, but he pulled on my heartstrings, and I would get sucked back into our flirtation.  Every time, I would think, "Will this actually go somewhere this time?  Will he conquer his fears?  What does he actually want?"  Being a wife was part of my God-given dream, and I wanted to see if this man was the one God had for me.  

     After several months of this cat-and-mouse relationship, feeling like Brad was just out of reach, our Bible study went on a weekend retreat.  It was a wonderful time.  The whole retreat, Brad was fun and attentive to me.  No matter where I was in the main room, he would hear what I said and respond to it (IE: if I was talking to someone in the corner and Brad was on the other end of the room, he would follow my conversation and join it).  He hung around me, and initiated conversation.  He invited me to join in activities.  He used my name constantly.   I would hear my name, and he would be telling someone something I had said or done that he thought was great.  If I said anything at all in the group, he would find a way to piggyback on it, prefacing it with, "Yeah, I'm kind of like Janelle, in that..." At one point, we went into the retreat center gift shop together.  One of the items they sold were mood rings.  We each put one on, and both rings immediately turned the violet color that was said on the chart to mean passionate love; romantic.  Brad and I looked at each other, and he blushed a bright red.  It was as if there was a moment of understanding, and yet nothing happened.  All of these little things would be cute and sweet if they actually led somewhere--but that wasn't happening!

    At the time, I had several friends who were experiencing similar things from men who had shown an interest but weren't following through.  It was so frustrating, because it seemed as if the Christian community at the time completely let the men get away with this, but put a lot of rules and pressure on women to be a certain way (super passive) and always respond the exact right way to men so as to cause him to pursue the right way.  It was as if it was all our faults if men weren't following through.  It was so much pressure!  My previous relationship had ended when I asked the man to state his intentions.  I wasn't trying to be too forward, but he was wasting my time, and I needed to know how to take him.  If he had intentions, I needed to know.  If not, I needed to know that too, so I could move on with my life.  But I was treated as if I had broken some major commandment by calling this guy to account.  Women apparently weren't supposed to question men, but just let them do whatever they wanted (note, I do not believe this, but that seemed to be the rule at the time).  All the Christian books about dating made me feel so constricted, and also condemned.  It was such a hard time.  In fairness, my husband had an opposite experience in Bible College, where women were allowed to act however they wanted, and men were treated like predators if they even showed an interest at all.  These experiences don't diminish the truth of Christianity--they diminish the lies that sometimes sneak into the Christian sub-culture. 

Early/mid 2000's, with fellow Christian friends (I'm in the middle)--single women who were weary of experiencing mixed-messages from men, and the expectations put on us, just enjoying time together

     Getting back to the story, during the retreat, the leaders had us go to a private area and have some time alone with God.  I found a spot outside of one of the unused cabins.  In the beautiful mountain and pine tree surroundings, I poured out my heart to God about Brad.  I really liked him, but I didn't like this passive-aggressive stuff that didn't lead anywhere.  It felt like that was all I ever got from men, and maybe all I ever would get?  What was wrong with me?  I didn't want to play games.  I asked the Lord, "Is this passive stuff all I ever have to look forward to?"  No answer immediately came, but it started to rain, so I went back inside.  The day went on, with fun activities, and more time with Brad that would fit into a cute romance book if it actually culminated in something real, but it just hit dead-ends.  

     That evening, though, we sat down for worship, and as we sang songs to the Lord, my answer came.  We were singing the song He Knows My Name, and God surely knew mine!  At that moment, in the middle of the song, God spoke to me so clearly it could have been out loud: What I have in store for you is better than what you've experienced.  I knew that was His answer to my prayer about men and marriage. I wasn't going to be subjected to passive games forever.  One day, a man would really follow-through!  I didn't know when or how, but I knew I could trust God. 

     I left that retreat encouraged. Shortly thereafter, I decided that remaining in that Bible study with Brad was a stumbling block to me, and I stopped going.  Instead, I immersed myself in other ministry opportunities that grew my faith in the Lord, and made me feel good about where I was at.  

Here I am in the center, with two students I was mentoring.  The ministry joys of my post-Brad life!

     If Brad wanted me, he could pursue me outside the group.  He never did, but when I would run into him around town, he would act really awkward and make little scenes.  On those days, I had to really cry out to God for a reminder of His "better" promise.  There were days it was hard to believe it would happen.  One particular day, God brought Galatians 6:9 to me, Let’s not become discouraged in doing good, for in due time we will reap, if we do not become weary.  

     Finally, the day came when God brought Walter into my life.  He was perfect for me in every way.  Being with him has strengthened areas in my life where I've been weak, and I want to believe I've done the same for him.  But one of the most amazing, faith-building things I found out when we first met was that he grew up going to camp at that same retreat center where I had cried out to God about Brad, and where God had promised better. I got my better, and he had gone to that same camp!  God met me the same place he had met my husband many times.  The first year we were married, Walter and I actually lived near this camp in the mountains, and every time I drove by, I would think of how God had worked in our lives.  

     If God has given you a dream, don't let go.  Ask Him for confirmation until you see more light.  Listen to those validating messages God gives you (real-life role models, scriptures God gives you when you need them, even fictional stories that resound with you).  Hold onto that.  Keep the focus on Him first.  Love Him more than you love your dream.  The culmination of your dream coming true is a joy, but not because of the dream itself.  It is because you have seen God at work in your life.  You have come to know Him on a deeper level.  You have lived the purpose for which He created you.  That is the real fulfillment,  And there is more fulfillment in Heaven.  Right now, we can't even begin to imagine all the people our lives have influenced.  Maybe your story will be what resounds with someone else, and encourage them on their way!

     Missionary Hudson Taylor said, "I used to ask God to help me.  Then I asked if I might help Him.  I ended up by asking Him to do His work through me."  This is a reminder to let God do the work.  I will close with a scripture passage for your encouragement: So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. -Hebrews 10:35-36