I Have a Dream

     The story had me spellbound.  It was fictional, but portrayed a real-to-life situation.  I related to these characters, and wanted this for my life.  These people were well-written, with strengths and weaknesses I could identify with.  Fumbling and making mistakes along the way, they sought God's will above all else, and eventually got their heart's desires.  I didn't just enjoy and relate to this.  I felt God had led me to this story, just to awaken something He had already put inside of me.  

     In my last post, I talked about the specific things God calls each of us to do--things He has specifically planned for us.  I referred to the idea that sometimes, a clue to our calling is that certain things might resound with us.  Maybe someone with a similar calling shares their testimony, and it just validates you and ministers to your heart.  You can see yourself in their story.  I am going to expound a little more on that this time. 

     What stories, real or fiction, resound with you?  Who or what do you relate to?  What speaks to your heart, giving you a sense that you want that for your own life?  My theory is, people don't just like stories because they think they're cool and want to be more like the characters.  I think the reason people like certain stories is because those stories hit something deep inside that was already there--something God put there.  In the previous post, I shared how Brother Andrew's real-life exploits doing Bible smuggling behind the Iron Curtain resounded with me, and even shaped the way I live and do ministry.  I started this post referring to a fictional account that also hit home for me.  What resounds with you that way?  

     As we examine this idea of things resounding with us, we must guard against the humanistic tendency to just think that anything we happen to like or want is from God and that we should just pursue whatever we feel like doing.  We are human, and in our flesh, we are capable of wanting things that are contrary to God's will.  The more we are walking with the Lord, however, the more we can count on the desires in our hearts to be from Him.  The most encouraging verse I know about that is Psalm 37:4, Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.    Sometimes, as we delight in our Lord, He comes in and changes our desires to things He has in store for us.  And other times, he reawakens old, dead dreams that were from Him in the first place.  

     A number of years ago, I really loved a song by Geoff Bullock.  Its lyrics fit what I'm saying here. Have faith in God. Let your hope rest on the faith He has placed in your heart.  Never give up.  Never let go of the faith He has placed in your heart.  This isn't just telling us to hold onto our dreams.  It is telling us to hold onto what God has put into us.  The focus is God, not our dreams.  God will show you what to hold out for in your life--what is really of Him.  

     Allen Parr, one of my favorite online Bible Teachers pointed out that a good example of this is found in First Samuel chapter 1 (Excellent 7 minute video of Allen Parr's thoughts on First Samuel 1 here.).  

Allen Parr

     In First Samuel 1, we read about a woman named Hannah.  Hannah was in a situation that was not God's plan for humanity.  She was one of two wives to a man named Elkanah.  Hannah was barren, while the other wife, Peninnah, had given Elkahah many sons and daughters.  We are told that Peninnah provoked Hannah bitterly.  The King James Bible refers to Peninnah as Hannah's adversary.  The New American Standard uses the term rival.  This clearly was not a happy situation.  The husband, Elkanah, appears to be totally clueless about why any of this was a problem (see verse 8).  

     Having a baby was the desire of Hannah's heart.  And it is a desire of mine as well, so I can relate to that aspect of Hannah's story.  As of this writing, I am almost 41 years old.  I have been happily married for several years, but we have not had our own children.  We haven't given up, but we do all we can, and it hasn't happened for us.  I have shared that we are in the adoption process, which is a lot of waiting.  Maybe your desire is something else.  Maybe it's marriage.  Maybe it's that right career, that opportunity you've been waiting for, success in your efforts, a specific ministry.  God knows what it is.

     Getting back to the passage, we can see that Hannah had pressure from all sides.  She had that internal pressure from herself of just wanting it so badly.  She had the external pressure of society expecting her to bear children.  And she even faced a level of pressure from her husband.  We don't know their story.  Perhaps Elkanah married Hannah first, and then married Peninnah after Hannah was unable to bear him children.  We don't know.  But once the situation was as we read it here, Elkanah pressured Hannah to just be happy with the situation, when she really wasn't.  Yes, Hannah faced a lot of pressure, both from within and without. Do you?  Are you waiting for your breakthrough?  

     There is a key to what Hannah did next.  In verse 7, we are told Hannah would go to the house of the Lord.  She would go worship.  In verses 9-18, we read about Hannah going before the Lord and really pouring out her heart.  She was so passionate that the priest, Eli, thought she was drunk at first, and rebuked her.  Hannah explained herself, and Eli then said to her, Go in peace; and may the God of Israel grant your request that you have asked of Him. (verse 17).  

     It is easy enough to praise and worship God after we get what we hoped for, but Hannah was able to do it before.  And she wasn't fake about it.  She didn't put on a plastic smile and sing worship songs.  She cried out to God, and God heard and honored her.  The immediate response to her plea to the Lord is found at the end of verse 18: ...and her face was no loner sad.  She felt better.  But it didn't stop there.

     Verses 19-20 tell about how Hannah conceived and bore a son, a boy she named Samuel because,  I have asked for him of the Lord. (verse 20).  Hannah had worshipped in spite of unfulfilled desire, and God honored that and gave her the breakthrough she was waiting for. This isn't a magic formula, but it does give us some lessons.  God honors us when we honor Him.  We need to worship in spite of unfilled desires. Keep obeying Him.  Keep trusting Him.  

     One way to test if a dream or desire is really of Him is that God always just stirs it up again, no matter how often it is discouraged.  Does this dream keep rising out of the ashes of disappointment?  If a dream is really of God, it will happen.  Romans 8:31 says, If God is for us, who can be against us?  Follow God in obedience.  Listen to your convictions along the way.  Resist the urge to make it happen in your own time.  Abraham and Sarah did that.  In Genesis 16, they decided God wasn't fulfilling His promise of giving them descendants, so Abraham followed Sarah's suggestion of sleeping with Hagar (Sarah's maid).  The result was family discord for all concerned, not the child of promise.  God's promised child came to Abraham and Sarah much later in God's way and timing.  Abraham and Sarah trying to make it happen in their way led to a lot of trouble for them, and didn't accomplish anything as far as the promise (though God loved Hagar's child Ishmael, and his descendants, and they are people God had planned to create from the foundation of the world).  

     Has there been a time God has specifically affirmed your desire as being of Him--where He just gave you that hope to hold out for?  Maybe, like Queen Esther in the Old Testament, timing is key.  She was brought into the palace for such a time as this (Esther 4:14).  The same is true of your situation.  

     In the early/mid 2000's, I was dating a guy I'll call Brad* whom I had met in a college Bible study.  Well, dating might be too strong a word.  This young man hung out around me, showed exclusive interest and attentiveness to me, invited me out to his car after study to listen to music, wrote me notes, and occasionally called me.  But when things would seem like they were moving toward getting serious, Brad would pull way back from me.  I think the modern crowd calls that ghosting, but we had no such word for it back then.  Having been burned by a similar relationship, I simply let him pull back.  I wasn't about to chase him down.  I would never have thrown myself at anybody at that point.  I would steel my resolve to ignore Brad in the future, but he pulled on my heartstrings, and I would get sucked back into our flirtation.  Every time, I would think, "Will this actually go somewhere this time?  Will he conquer his fears?  What does he actually want?"  Being a wife was part of my God-given dream, and I wanted to see if this man was the one God had for me.  

     After several months of this cat-and-mouse relationship, feeling like Brad was just out of reach, our Bible study went on a weekend retreat.  It was a wonderful time.  The whole retreat, Brad was fun and attentive to me.  No matter where I was in the main room, he would hear what I said and respond to it (IE: if I was talking to someone in the corner and Brad was on the other end of the room, he would follow my conversation and join it).  He hung around me, and initiated conversation.  He invited me to join in activities.  He used my name constantly.   I would hear my name, and he would be telling someone something I had said or done that he thought was great.  If I said anything at all in the group, he would find a way to piggyback on it, prefacing it with, "Yeah, I'm kind of like Janelle, in that..." At one point, we went into the retreat center gift shop together.  One of the items they sold were mood rings.  We each put one on, and both rings immediately turned the violet color that was said on the chart to mean passionate love; romantic.  Brad and I looked at each other, and he blushed a bright red.  It was as if there was a moment of understanding, and yet nothing happened.  All of these little things would be cute and sweet if they actually led somewhere--but that wasn't happening!

    At the time, I had several friends who were experiencing similar things from men who had shown an interest but weren't following through.  It was so frustrating, because it seemed as if the Christian community at the time completely let the men get away with this, but put a lot of rules and pressure on women to be a certain way (super passive) and always respond the exact right way to men so as to cause him to pursue the right way.  It was as if it was all our faults if men weren't following through.  It was so much pressure!  My previous relationship had ended when I asked the man to state his intentions.  I wasn't trying to be too forward, but he was wasting my time, and I needed to know how to take him.  If he had intentions, I needed to know.  If not, I needed to know that too, so I could move on with my life.  But I was treated as if I had broken some major commandment by calling this guy to account.  Women apparently weren't supposed to question men, but just let them do whatever they wanted (note, I do not believe this, but that seemed to be the rule at the time).  All the Christian books about dating made me feel so constricted, and also condemned.  It was such a hard time.  In fairness, my husband had an opposite experience in Bible College, where women were allowed to act however they wanted, and men were treated like predators if they even showed an interest at all.  These experiences don't diminish the truth of Christianity--they diminish the lies that sometimes sneak into the Christian sub-culture. 

Early/mid 2000's, with fellow Christian friends (I'm in the middle)--single women who were weary of experiencing mixed-messages from men, and the expectations put on us, just enjoying time together

     Getting back to the story, during the retreat, the leaders had us go to a private area and have some time alone with God.  I found a spot outside of one of the unused cabins.  In the beautiful mountain and pine tree surroundings, I poured out my heart to God about Brad.  I really liked him, but I didn't like this passive-aggressive stuff that didn't lead anywhere.  It felt like that was all I ever got from men, and maybe all I ever would get?  What was wrong with me?  I didn't want to play games.  I asked the Lord, "Is this passive stuff all I ever have to look forward to?"  No answer immediately came, but it started to rain, so I went back inside.  The day went on, with fun activities, and more time with Brad that would fit into a cute romance book if it actually culminated in something real, but it just hit dead-ends.  

     That evening, though, we sat down for worship, and as we sang songs to the Lord, my answer came.  We were singing the song He Knows My Name, and God surely knew mine!  At that moment, in the middle of the song, God spoke to me so clearly it could have been out loud: What I have in store for you is better than what you've experienced.  I knew that was His answer to my prayer about men and marriage. I wasn't going to be subjected to passive games forever.  One day, a man would really follow-through!  I didn't know when or how, but I knew I could trust God. 

     I left that retreat encouraged. Shortly thereafter, I decided that remaining in that Bible study with Brad was a stumbling block to me, and I stopped going.  Instead, I immersed myself in other ministry opportunities that grew my faith in the Lord, and made me feel good about where I was at.  

Here I am in the center, with two students I was mentoring.  The ministry joys of my post-Brad life!

     If Brad wanted me, he could pursue me outside the group.  He never did, but when I would run into him around town, he would act really awkward and make little scenes.  On those days, I had to really cry out to God for a reminder of His "better" promise.  There were days it was hard to believe it would happen.  One particular day, God brought Galatians 6:9 to me, Let’s not become discouraged in doing good, for in due time we will reap, if we do not become weary.  

     Finally, the day came when God brought Walter into my life.  He was perfect for me in every way.  Being with him has strengthened areas in my life where I've been weak, and I want to believe I've done the same for him.  But one of the most amazing, faith-building things I found out when we first met was that he grew up going to camp at that same retreat center where I had cried out to God about Brad, and where God had promised better. I got my better, and he had gone to that same camp!  God met me the same place he had met my husband many times.  The first year we were married, Walter and I actually lived near this camp in the mountains, and every time I drove by, I would think of how God had worked in our lives.  

     If God has given you a dream, don't let go.  Ask Him for confirmation until you see more light.  Listen to those validating messages God gives you (real-life role models, scriptures God gives you when you need them, even fictional stories that resound with you).  Hold onto that.  Keep the focus on Him first.  Love Him more than you love your dream.  The culmination of your dream coming true is a joy, but not because of the dream itself.  It is because you have seen God at work in your life.  You have come to know Him on a deeper level.  You have lived the purpose for which He created you.  That is the real fulfillment,  And there is more fulfillment in Heaven.  Right now, we can't even begin to imagine all the people our lives have influenced.  Maybe your story will be what resounds with someone else, and encourage them on their way!

     Missionary Hudson Taylor said, "I used to ask God to help me.  Then I asked if I might help Him.  I ended up by asking Him to do His work through me."  This is a reminder to let God do the work.  I will close with a scripture passage for your encouragement: So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. -Hebrews 10:35-36