Secret Spy

     "Janelle is going to share with us today," Mr. Johnson announced to the class full of eager second-graders.  I nervously walked to the front of the room.  Mr. Johnson had done a brief Bible story for the kids, and now he was asking me to come up.  

     I say this as if Mr. Johnson forced it on me.  He didn't.  In fact, I had requested it.  Not so much because I wanted to.  It was more a matter of not being able not to do it.  I was going into my freshman year of high school, and something about me was changing.  I had a passion to tell people about Christ.  I had to witness to people.  I couldn't not do it!  

Me, that fateful summer of 1996.  This picture was taken right around the same time as the VBS.  I was 14, and had no idea what I was getting myself into!

     Even at the time, I noticed that very few children's ministry curriculum focused specifically on evangelism.  Children could go to the same church for years and never really get a clear gospel presentation.  They could come in lost, and leave knowing all kinds of facts about God, but still be just as lost.  I had a passion to share Christ and His life-giving salvation with these children at Vacation Bible School.  I had asked Mr. Johnson before class if I could witness to them, and he had happily agreed.  I think it tickled him to see a teenager wanting to do this.  

    As I stood before these seven-year-olds, this power suddenly filled the room.  I can't account for it, except that it was the Lord.  As I shared the gospel with them (our sin, Christ's sacrifice, man's response), the words flowed from me effortlessly, and doing it was joyful.  I knew I was saying what God wanted me to say.  It was as if I just had to get it out, and couldn't have kept it in much longer.  

     As I wrapped it up, I asked if anyone there wanted to receive Christ.  Several hands went up.  I wasn't really prepared for what to do once it got to this point.  I wanted to take them away to a quieter place without distractions, so I said for everyone who wanted to receive Christ to follow me.  Those who had raised their hands stood up and followed me out of the room.  I took them outside, and as I did, we ran into the children's ministry director Angie* (not her real name).  I quickly explained to her that these kids wanted to be saved.  I asked if she could get David* one of the other kids in the youth group who was spiritually mature enough to help me.  Angie ran and retrieved David from the class he was helping in.  I left the boys with him, and I took the girls around the corner to talk with them.  When we finished, and they had received Christ, I walked back to David, and he was just wrapping up.  I felt good.  David was very excited.  God had just done something.

     Angie had a nervous smile.  She told me that I shouldn't have taken the girls around the corner like that.  She added, "Someone could say something."  I was fourteen, and had no idea what she meant.  From an adult viewpoint, I know she meant that a child could lie and make an accusation.  I realize that now.  Our ministry today has a lot of training and policies in place for protection.  But I was fourteen, and had a PG-rated mind.  I just nodded my head, as if I agreed.  I had the feeling Angie wasn't really that thrilled with the salvations.  She seemed as if she were just barely humoring me.  This kind of gospel presentation wasn't part of the VBS plan, and I was stirring things up.  

     Before I go on, I need to point out that the church's lack of care or planning for salvations was the real problem here.  I was sharing the gospel, which is the whole point of VBS!  I might not have done everything perfectly, but their lack of planning for this was to blame.  If evangelism were part of their priorities, they would have trained all of us on where to take kids who wanted to make a decision.  It wouldn't have been up to the discretion of a teenager on the spur of the moment.  

This picture was taken a few months later.  My illusions of how the world worked had been shattered.  I was also now aware of my calling.

     The next day, I presented the gospel again, and more kids wanted to receive Christ.  I knew I wasn't allowed to take them behind the building, but I didn't really know where, so I just took them outside.  Angie saw me, and started yelling at me in front of the kids, telling me I hadn't listened to her.  I felt very confused and ashamed, but I left those feelings aside for the moment and just asked her where I could take them.  She let me share with them in the hall.  It was kind of hard, because people were walking by, and it was very distracting.  

     My "radical" evangelism reached the pastor's ears, and he was apparently very concerned about it.  He told Mr. Johnson I wasn't allowed to witness anymore.  The reason he gave was that I was too young.  I did not know this at the time.  Mr. Johnson was put in a moral dilemma, but he chose to let me continue sharing every day.  He felt kids getting saved was more important than the pastor's preferences.  All in all, 14 kids got saved in our class for the week.  Angels rejoiced, and new names were written in the Lamb's Book of Life.  I have no regrets.  I ran into some of the kids around town after VBS, and they would ask me to share the gospel with their friends who were with them.  It was like I had a sign on my back that said "Ask me to tell you about Jesus."  I couldn't have stopped if I wanted to. 

     The pastor, displeased with Mr. Johnson and with me, kicked us all out of the church.  In talking with my dad, he said we weren't welcome because I was "too different."  That is absolute malarkey.  It was hard, because I was at an age when acceptance means everything, and I was being rejected in a place where I should have found acceptance and love.  A good pastor would be proud of a teenager who wanted to witness.  I deeply internalized what happened, and it hurt badly.  Mr. Johnson wrote me a letter, telling me I had done a wonderful job for the Lord and encouraging me to be a missionary.  That was a light in the midst of a dark time.  

     Even though it took me many years to understand what had happened and sort it all out, I did realize at the beginning that the gospel was a powerful weapon, and some people were threatened by it, even some Christians.  

     The next year, I became a summer missionary with the Christian Youth in Action program.  Life moved forward.  I knew I wanted to do evangelism and ministry.  Nothing else hit the spot for me deep inside.  And, as I said, I couldn't not do it.  

One of my mission trip groups.

     I got my first job right out of high school, at a church-based day care center.  They had a preschool program, and also had before and after-school care for Kindergarten-6th graders.  My first day in the classroom with the elementary kids, I was asked to do a Bible lesson.  I knew immediately what I would do!  I shared the gospel. I told the children about God's love, our sin, and what Jesus had done for us.  I then said, "Because of what Jesus did, you and I can have our sins forgiven."  I read Acts 16:31, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved...  Before I could say another word, an 8-year-old named Michaela asked earnestly, "Can I do that right now?"  Several others also said they wanted to.  I was able to lead 14 children to the Lord that day.  Well, they didn't stay silent about their new faith.  They went home and witnessed to their parents.  They witnessed to other kids in the program.  More and more were getting saved. It seemed like daily, and I was reminded of Acts 2:47, And the Lord added to their numbers daily such as were being saved.  It was miraculous.  I saw children as young as four recognized their sin and need of Christ.  

These were among the first to receive Christ at that job.  It has been many years, and they are adults now, but I know I'll see them in Heaven.

     This did not go unnoticed,  My boss Paula* approached me one day and asked to talk to me.  I could tell this wasn't good.  It turns out, one of the children had attempted to witness to her.  Paula told me I reminded her of the former janitor.  She paused and said thoughtfully, "It's probably his doing that you're here."  I didn't know what that meant at first. 

     She went on to explain that this janitor was a really strong Christian, and was always telling the kids about Jesus.  He gave them fun tracts and Bible verses, and the kids all loved him (I gathered the staff did not).  When his job transferred him to another location to clean, he told Paula he would continue to pray for them.  Upon hearing this, I became convinced his prayers brought me there to continue sharing the gospel that he had started.  I knew at that moment that if I left, God would bring someone else.  God was doing something here.  This place, even though it was affiliated with a Christian church, was resistant to the gospel.  They were into little Bible stories, but nothing too spiritual.  

    My boss forbade me from continuing to witness to the kids.  And then, the interview was over, as quickly as it had started.  I was nineteen years old, and was facing a moral dilemma.  Was I supposed to obey my boss, or did I continue sharing the gospel?  Well, the short answer (though I came to it after a lot of prayer and soul-searching), was that I was to obey God rather than my human boss.  Peter said as much in Acts 5:29, We must obey God rather than men.  

     At the time, I reached out to Christian friends for advice.  Some said I should just quit, if my boss was asking me to go against God.  Others said that, even if I couldn't openly witness, I could still live out my faith.  Neither of these answers struck me as what God would have me do.  That's the thing about a moral dilemma.  You have to decide for yourself.  These friends weren't giving me bad advice.  They were just sharing what their consciences would have led them to do.  It simply wasn't what I was called to do.  Without getting a lot of support, I quietly became a secret spy evangelist.  Out of everybody else in the world, I was the one God had put there, and I was answerable to Him.  This was the direction my conscience led me.  Romans 14:23 says, ...For whatever does not proceed out of faith is sin.  It would have been a sin for me to do anything else.  

More students I look forward to seeing in Heaven one day.

     I decided on a few things.  

1) If I was going to disobey my boss in this area (which I didn't take lightly), I needed to obey and be a model employee in every other area.  I vowed I would respect and honor her.  I refused to complain about her with other employees.  I would show her love in any way I could.  That was my first decision.  

2) Since my boss hadn't given me specifics on what I could or couldn't say (and it was a Christian place where talk about God and the Bible were allowed), I decided that if I got caught while quietly continuing to evangelize, I would plead ignorance.  

3) Instead of sharing with large groups of kids, I would share more one-on-one with individuals.

4) Since a lot of the kids were saved by this point, I would have them do as much of the evangelism as possible, because they couldn't get in trouble for it.  

5) I decided to say things to the kids that would provoke questions about Christ, which would then lead me to evangelize.  That way, if I got caught, I could honestly claim I was simply answering a question. 

6) Finally, I would form really good relationships with all the parents of our children, so that if anything ever came up, I would have them as allies.  That was my plan moving forward. 

     I continued to share the gospel with kids, and saw kids saved every week.  I was discrete.  I remember one Monday, I shared the gospel with a first grader named Michael as he played by himself in the sand.  He listened quietly, but didn't say anything.  I didn't ask for a decision.  The next day, I shared with him again, and again, he listened quietly.  I continued this all week.  Finally, on Friday, I decided he had heard it enough, and I decided to ask him if he wanted to receive Christ.  

     "Why should I do it now?" Michael asked when I proposed the idea of making a decision.  "I already did it on Monday, the first time you told me about it!"  

     God was truly at work.  

     Another little boy who attended the day care was a ten-year-old from a religiously-mixed family.  His mother was Jewish and his father was a nominal Christian.  They were open to all of it, and celebrated all holidays.  This boy was the class clown, and joked a lot during Bible time.  I decided to share the gospel with him one day.  He made jokes the whole time, and when I asked if he wanted to receive Christ, he laughed and said, "I don't need that!"  I shrugged and started to turn away.  I got about two steps when he said, "Wait, come back!  

     "Yes?"

     "I really do need Jesus.  Will you help me?"  

     Angels rejoiced that day as this boy placed his faith in Jesus!  The last thing he ever said to me when I left that job a year later to pursue missions was, "I'm so glad I'm going to Heaven!"  I was very glad I had disobeyed my boss and continued sharing.  This was worth it. 

     Stories like this were happening all the time.  Daily, I would go on a walk during my lunch break.  There was a hill behind the school, where I could go up and look down at the children on the playground (but they couldn't see me), and I would pray for them.  I would pray for protection, and I asked God to blind Paula's eyes to what I was doing, until the time came that she needed to know.  I somehow knew that one day, she would know.  I would have my reckoning.

     I went full-time into a ministry organization (the one I currently serve with, in fact).  I was serving in my home area, and I had the opportunity to do a 5-day Bible Club at my old job.  Paula seemed very open to having us, but she wasn't in the classroom while we taught.  I kind of knew I was still walking on thin ice. 

     On Thursday of that week, I was reading in my quiet time from Acts 7, about the stoning of Stephen.  I was struck by verse 55, where Stephen looked up and saw Jesus standing at the right hand of God, just before he died.  It was as if the Holy Spirit were saying to me, "Look to Me today, and you won't feel the stones."  Somehow, I knew the jig was up.  I had my reckoning.

    When we arrived at the day care for the Bible Club, Paula asked to speak with me.  She was very nervous and told me she knew that I had done a salvation invitation the previous day.  She told me emphatically, "You worked here years and years, and you know we never, ever do that!"  

     The only thing I could think to say in that moment was, "You know, isn't this a Christian school?"  

     Before more could be said, someone called Paula away, and she had to leave the conversation.  We did our club as usual, but as soon as we ended for the day, I found Paula, and we had a talk.  She voiced her real concerns with me, and I was able to listen.  I had prepared to share a certain verse with her, but the Lord took that out of my mind, and instead, I found myself saying, "In a thousand years, it won't matter if someone disagrees with what we're doing, but it will matter greatly if someone receives Christ."  

     The look in Paula's eyes changed to one of clarity.  She was hearing me.  The Lord was at work.  She said, "You're right!  Oh my goodness.  We need what you're doing!  What if one of these kids got in a car accident and died!  I would be so happy you were here sharing Jesus with them!  You can come back any time you want."  

     It was this instantaneous change.  I had never before seen that, nor have I since.  For years, I went back to this school and did ministry.  Paula is now a supporter of my husband and me in our ministry.  

     After reading this, you can probably understand (as I had shared in recent posts) why the Bible Smuggler Brother Andrew was my hero.  We have to share the gospel.  We have to obey God rather than man.  Every situation is different.  For a while, I worked for a more secular organization, and in that situation, I didn't feel propelled to sneak the gospel in directly (though there were ways I was able to minister and get truth across).  

     I'd like to make two points:  

     1) Stories like what I've shared in this blog are why I just can't agree with people who say that American Christians have never experienced persecution.  I'm not in any way comparing what I went through to people who worship Jesus under communism, or in Islamic nations.  I'm not saying that.  But I am reserving the right to disagree with the popular consensus that Christians in the US (and other Western Nations) haven't experienced persecution.  Second Timothy 3:12, Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.  No matter what nation you are in, living for Jesus goes against the grain, even in some churches and Christian organizations.  It isn't always being fed to the lions.  It isn't always being imprisoned.  Sometimes, it's having your job threatened.  Sometimes, it's being totally misunderstood and maligned by those who know better (such as my pastor when I was fourteen).  Sometimes, it is losing relationships (which I did in some respects through these experiences--I didn't have time to elaborate on those aspects of it here).  

     2) The final point I'll draw here is that most of the resistance I have experienced for sharing the gospel has been from fellow Christians (or at least those who claimed to be).  It has been from the organized church.  In fact, as I type this, I am awaiting a confrontational meeting I have been summoned to, which will take place later today with a fellow Christian who is unhappy with the evangelism I have been doing (this person is not part of the ministry we serve with, but is part of something I volunteer with).  It will be over by the time you read this.  I am not looking forward to this meeting, but I know that Jesus goes before me.  I know that Matthew 10:19-20 reminds me, do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.  So why do Christians oppose ministry?  We expect it from the world, but why would the church (collectively) be against sharing the gospel?  

     Believe it or not, Jesus warned about it.  John 16:2-3 says, They shall put you out of the synagogues: yea, the time cometh, that whosoever killeth you will think that he doeth God service. And these things will they do unto you, because they have not known the Father, nor me.  Jesus was warning the disciples of the persecution that would come from those who claimed to know and speak for God.  As you read the book of Acts, you'll notice that it was the established religious community that gave the apostles the most trouble (not 100%, but a lot).  And this passage from Jesus in John 16 tells us why these professing believers will do this.  They don't really know God or Jesus.  This isn't to say that these church people who are resistant to evangelism are all unsaved, or that they're only pretending to be Christians.  I happen to believe every oppositional person I mentioned in this post was saved. I do not doubt their salvation.  However, I do believe that this verse is saying that when they objected to evangelism, they were not acting in according with God's will.  Their priorities in this situation were not in line with God's.  

     I find a lot of American churches (and this is probably true many places, I just happen to live in the US, so I can speak for my own country) say they want the gospel to go forth, and yet they don't really have a systematic way to present clearly.  I see Vacation Bible Schools that focus on cute skits and crafts, but only have one Gospel presentation during the week (usually Wednesday or Thursday), and some kids don't attend that day. They miss out on the gospel.  If church leaders really want salvation to happen, they need to be intentional about it, so a 14-year-old doesn't have to try to fit it in.  We should be sharing the gospel daily.  Every Sunday,  Ever Wednesday night.  Every day of VBS.  We can't afford to let opportunities pass us by!  But since the gospel isn't a very high priority in many of these ministries, when someone comes in and shares it within the gospel-less curriculum, it stirs everyone up and people get concerned.  This has been my experience.  

     God has challenged me with Second Timothy 4:2a,5, preach the word; be ready in season and out of season...always be sober-minded,  endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.

     Doing secret spy evangelism (or any other kind of evangelism) goes against the grain.  Are you willing to go against the grain for God?  I can't imagine what Christians in closed nations go through--the anxiety of having their welfare threatened for the sake of Christ.  And yet I doubt many of them can imagine Christians in "free" nations being rebuked, not by the government, but by their pastor, their Christian boss, their Sunday school superintendent.  The psychological and spiritual abuse "free" Christians endure is just another kind of persecution, straight from Satan.  But we are to take heart, and follow the example of the apostles, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name.  (Acts 5:41).  No matter where on earth you live, you will ruffle feathers.  Are you willing?