The Threat

     I like people.  I want friends.  I want to get along.  I want peace.  I hate conflict.  I don't enjoy confrontation.  I want to accept others for who they are, as they do the same for me.  I want to have close camaraderie with fellow believers.  These relationships are precious to me.  Dealing with people this side of Heaven isn't always that simple, though.   I wish it was.
 

     Have you ever struggled with another person, and really needed advice?  After a lot of prayer, you went to someone you respect and trust and poured out your heart.  Then they did one of three things.  Either they:

1) looked reproachfully at you and told you to stop gossiping, making you feel ashamed and second-guessing yourself.

2) told you to take the plank out of your own eye, stop judging, give preference to others, etc.  Perhaps they even quoted the scripture verses these statements come from, again, making you feel like you're the one with the problem and the other person is 100% innocent.

3)  told you to ignore the other person's issues.  Maybe said something like, "The world is full of people like that, and they're not going to change." This response might make you feel hopeless.

     I have gotten all three of these responses at different times.  I believe there is a time and place for these things to be said, but I believe they are over-said.  Many people are ill-equipped to give counsel in these areas, so they fall back on these standard answers.  Here is my reaction to them.

     1) Gossip is often defined as talking about others behind their backs  I agree this is part of gossip.  I believe gossip involves a little more.  I believe it is idle or malicious talk about someone to others, especially when the person doing the talking is neither part of the problem nor the solution.  In other words, it's talking about someone when it is none of my business to share.  Gossip is often untrue, or at least unverified.  I have been on the receiving end of gossip.  I had to change my email address years ago because of it.  So in no way do I defend gossip.   But also, I want to make sure that I only use the word gossip to define actual gossip. Having a problem and finding someone to share with who will keep it confidential and give me godly advice isn't gossip.  I have met people who called everything they didn't like as "gossip" simply because they didn't want to deal with it, or it was a way to turn attention away from wrongdoing.

     2) When I've shared my heart in confidence, and the person responds with a bunch of verses that point to me being the problem, I've been hurt badly.  It is hurtful to be rebuked like that.  It is unfair.  Verses like Matthew 7:5 (Take the plank out of your own eye...), Matthew 7:1 (don't judge, lest you be judged...), Romans 12:10 (give preference one to another) and others are part of God's holy word, and are true.  God put them in the Bible for a reason.  Unfortunately, these verses are often misused to point the finger at the wrong person.  Just because I share about a conflict with someone doesn't automatically make me the problem.  If I'm seeking help and advice, chances are I'm not the problem (at least not all of it).  These misused verses are a trite answer to an often deep and complex problem that requires a lot of prayer and examination.

     3) Ignoring real issues is never the answer.  Saying that people are just like that and we can't escape it is a defeatist attitude.  Problems need to be addressed, whether or not they're everywhere.

     Interpersonal problems are very real, and deserve more than a trite answer.  I have often been left feeling like I'm a terrible person after being given these answers.  I never had an advocate in these situations.  I am now learning to let the Lord be my advocate.  I also have my husband and a few accountability partners who are in my corner.  That helps.

     Everyone is different, but I'm going to share what my experiences with this have been.

     I try to be kind and gracious.  I think I succeed most of the time.  I don't argue with people who disagree with me.  I realize I'm not able to change anyone's mind.  I respect people's intelligence more than that.  I will share my views, but won't get nasty with those who believe differently.  I pray for those I believe to be in the wrong, and try to be teachable to the fact that I might be wrong.  I want to be seen as someone with a quiet spirit.  My mother raised us that way, being a gracious, soft-spoken woman herself.  Some see me that way, and have said so.  Others do not.  I have also been described as having that "prophecy" spiritual gift.  I've been told I have a strong personality.  I've been called "intimidating".  I hate that.  I have no desire to intimidate anyone.  Nice people have said I "challenge" others.  I guess that's a little better.  The thing I hate the most is that I've been called "the threat."  I don't want to threaten anyone.  Even though I never look for trouble, I seem to end up in interpersonal situations.  For much of my life, this affected the way I saw myself, and I really struggled.  Only recently do I believe I understand it better.

     I do not try to create trouble or make controversial statements.  I try to do what leads to peace.  But there are two very big things that affect people.  I will always speak the truth (in love), and I don't let others control me.  I want real peace, not pseudo-peace that comes when we sit on the truth and refuse to acknowledge it.  I literally feel physical pain if I let these important truths remain unspoken.  As soon as I speak up, I feel intense relief, even if people are mad at me.  I don't try to control anyone, but I don't let others do it to me either.  Most average people like me for that, but manipulative people hate my guts.  It has always been this way, as long as I can remember...

     When I was a baby in the nursery at church, I'm told I would bite other babies if they were being bad.  One time, the teacher told my parents about it, but then said, "But don't spank her for it.  She just did what the rest of us wanted to do to him, but we couldn't get away with it!"

     I was in a very close-knit church and home-school community growing up.  In kindergarten, I began riding to school (twice a week elective classes) with a family who lived near us.  Our families took turns carpooling.  This family had two daughters, whom I'll call Angela and Stacy.  I was excited to become their friends at first, but I quickly saw that they were mean.  They were very close with weak-willed girls who did whatever they wanted.  Often, they made their followers be mean to others.  I refused to do it.  I was sweet to Angela and Stacy, and tried to be friends, but I didn't go along with them.  They got their group of friends to snub me.  I didn't care too much, because there were enough wonderful friends in our group that I could easily ignore Angela and Stacy's clique.  I remember one time, they put tape in my hair, just to be mean.  All their nasty friends laughed at me as I tried to get it out.  I remember thinking, "They're mean.  They're probably not Christians."  So I tried to witness to them.  I remember Stacy's eyes lighting up when I mentioned Jesus, and she said she had asked Him into her heart.  At the look in her eyes, I immediately believed her.  Angela never gave indication of believing.  But anyway, this was my earliest experience of manipulative people disliking me.  I tried to go to a teacher, but the teacher wasn't equipped to deal with it.  She told me to ignore it.  This was my first (but certainly not last) experience of being nonplussed by authority figure's lame attempts to solve problems.   

Me as a kindergartner, 1987

     I grew up with a false assumption from this.  I thought they had disliked me and been rude to me because I was perceived as weak, or defective in some way.  But that wasn't it.  If I had been, they would have loved to have me on their team of brats.  They didn't like me because I was a threat to them.  They couldn't control me.  I wouldn't play their games, and therefore, to be near me was to invalidate what they were doing.  They weren't content to live and let live.  They wanted to remove me as a threat to their power--even though I never wanted to threaten their power.  My "crime" against them was not being manipulated by them.  My very existence offended them because of this.

     I grew up experiencing this here and there.  I've always been blessed with good people in my life, but I continually run into manipulative people who dislike me and do all in their power to discredit or remove me.  This used to hurt my feelings badly.  I don't like being part of the drama.  I never go looking for it.  I try to stay away from it.  I try to spend time with people who encourage me, and whom I can encourage.  But somehow, I end up dealing with these people.  

     I experienced many times like this in my teen years, and every time, it hurt a little worse, casting self-doubts into me.  I was constantly blamed by authority figures.  I felt like I was a bad person, but didn't know what to do or how to stop these crazy conflicts from happening around me.  Fortunately, God has always been faithful to give me good friends in the midst of it.     

Me in junior high, Christmas 1995.  I was all dolled up for the church Christmas play, but got sick at the last minute and couldn't go on.  

Me (the slightly shorter one), pictured with a good friend, Crystal, at Christian Youth in Action training in 1999.  I was a high school senior, and a third-year summer missionary.  

        I entered adulthood unsure of where my blame lay in these different experiences I'd faced.  I'd been told many incorrect things by authority figures (mostly well-meaning).  I was tired of being the bad guy.  

     The summer I was eighteen, 2000, I went on a mission trip to Zambia.  One of my three teammates was a manipulator.  Another one.  Something I just couldn't escape in life.  People who observed our team told me, "I knew if there were problems, they would involve you somehow."  Well, thanks a lot.  Thanks a whole lot!  I tried to get to know my teammates, as well as the other students at training (who were going to a total of ten different nations).  My controlling teammate just didn't want to be friends.  

     The second day of training was Sunday.  We were in a church service in Missouri.  The lyrics to the songs we were singing were printed out on an insert in the bulletin.  As we sang, I dropped my insert.  I bent down to pick it up, and caught the slightest movement.  My controlling teammate, who was next to me, had stepped on the insert.  She'd made it look like an accident.  She stood straight up, singing the worship songs reverently.  I tried to pull the insert out from under her foot, and it wouldn't budge!  I tried to work it out, and eventually just ripped it.  She knew what she was doing.  It's a small, unimportant thing.  Something to just let go of.  But it's also a symptom of something bigger.  A deeper problem.  This teammate continued doing manipulative things to me.  She destroyed my shoes (long story, but along the same lines as the bulletin insert thing), humiliated me, spread ugly rumors about me, and even destroyed other people's property and blamed it on me...not to mention criticized every tiny thing I did every moment we were around each other.  It was totally maddening.  Why would anyone do this?  The simple answers I got were things like...

     "Well, you need to take the plank out of your own eye."  

     

     "Don't you dare judge her!"

     "If you think she's sinning, it really means you're sinning and projecting your sin onto her."

     "You need to be more loving."

     "You need to be a better Christian."

     "You have a very small heart and need to grow."

     Not one person was willing to say that this teammate was wrong.  Everything was somehow my fault.  Why?  I never attacked her.  I never said an unkind word to her.  Even when I asked her to stop doing certain things, I did it kindly, and in private.  But somehow, I was the bad guy.  All of these answers assume that I was the one initiating all trouble, and that if I just changed in some way, everything would be perfect.  I never had that kind of power.  Also, these answers are very trite and simple, when in reality, a good answer for something like this would need to be in-depth, as this was a complex problem.  No one was willing (or able) to deal with this in the right way.  Perhaps they were scared or intimidated by my manipulative teammate, and just wished I were too, so that she could have free reign to control everything in peace, unopposed.  I got the feeling I was resented for not simply accepting her abuse quietly.  Everyone else did.  

     Several years later, I was teaching a junior high Bible study group in Yucaipa, CA.  

My junior high students, 2011

      I taught these seventh-and-eighth graders for a few years, and loved it.  I bonded with the students.  With God's help, I believe I was a good Bible teacher for these kids.  I made strong efforts not to show any favoritism.  I tried to tap into each student's potential, and tell them what I saw God doing in them.  I wanted to encourage them.  I used fun object lessons to teach truths.  I brought candy!  I took them on fun outings to get frozen yogurt.  I went to see them in their sports events or home-school-group theater productions.  I had an open door policy, allowing them to call or email me at any time, which they did.  I prayed with them when they'd share prayer requests.  Most of all, I pointed them to the Bible, and to God.  One girl in this class led a Buddhist neighbor to the Lord.  Others got involved in different ministries as they got older.    So much fruit came out of our group.  I knew God was using it.  But there was a problem.  More controlling people.  

     The woman who co-led the group with me was one of those controllers.  At the time, I was kind of new to the area, having just moved to that town (after having lost everything I held dear in Riverside in the Great Recession, but that's another story).  I was also single at the time.  This co-leader (who actually taught the elementary kids, but was with me for the beginning and end of the study time) had an aversion to me immediately.  When we met, I tried to introduce myself, and she physically turned her body away from me.  I tried to strike up conversation, and it was very clear she didn't want to talk to me.  As we began planning class, she opposed every idea I had.  When I would question ideas she had, she insisted it had to be the way she was saying.  She put on a show of being best friends with all the mothers of the kids we'd have, and that they all agreed with her and would never agree with me.  

      

     Once class started up, this co-leader tried everything in her power not to let me develop relationships with the other women.  If I tried to talk to them, she'd cut between us and invite them over to her house in front of me.  She would loudly tell me how sorry she was for me that I was single.  One woman overheard this and said, "Don't listen to her, Janelle.  God will bring the right man to you.  You're doing the right thing in waiting on Him."  My co-leader looked at her and asked, "When is your baby due?" When she wasn't pregnant!  How mean!  In spite of this, everyone there seemed to think she was this godly woman, and it made me wonder if I was seeing things incorrectly.  Who was I to disagree with popular opinion, right?  

     Her daughter happened to be in my group, and this girl was pretty manipulative herself.  If I didn't give her her own way, she would go cry to her mommy, who would bypass talking to me, and instead tattle on me to the higher ups in this ministry.  Her daughter was such a spoiled brat, and was the only dark spot in the junior high class.  This girl didn't want to be loved, accepted or even treated fairly by me.  She wanted control.  Because I didn't do that for her, I paid the price.  Like mother, like daughter.  This girl did little disruptive things during the study.  She would use fake shyness to get attention.  She got her weak-willed best friend to be mean to a more confident girl with her.  For the first time, I began to see my own childhood experiences through different eyes.  I saw myself in the confidant girl, and my past enemies (for lack of better word) in this girl and her weak buddy.  I had to try very hard to be objective at that point, but I believe I did that.  I tried to be fair and not let my personal feelings get in the way.  I did separate the controller from her follower with a new seating arrangement.  I had to keep the rest of the group safe from mean treatment.  I believe God gave me insight into it so that I could keep it safe for others.  I wish my past teachers had done that for me.  I tried to do activities that bonded everyone and made everyone feel loved, secure, and belonging.  But that wasn't what she wanted.  

     One time, this girl misrepresented something I had said.  Her mother confronted me in a humiliating and public way.  I was completely embarrassed, and went to the bathroom to cry.  This woman told me all the moms were mad at me.  I was terrified to face this angry mob of mommies.  But it turned out NONE of them were mad!  Most didn't even know about the thing I'd said that this woman didn't like, but those who did actually liked it.  In an email later that day, I confronted her for lying and saying that the other women were mad at me.  Her response was that Satan was using me to attack her.  She took no responsibility.  Everything was either Satan's fault, God's fault, or my fault, but never hers.  I never heard her ever take responsibility for anything in the three years we taught together.  She never listened to anything I had to say.  My weakness in this was that I tried for three years, when really, it was obvious from the start we weren't working well together.  But I had been beaten down so many times, told that it was my fault, that I needed to take the plank out of my eye, etc.  I thought that if I had a Christlike attitude, I could change this.  That's the message I'd been given all my life.  I just wasn't godly or Christlike enough.  If I were, I wouldn't be in these messes.  But I had been told wrongly.  All of it was wrong.  I have no control over anyone but myself, and even then, I can only control myself with the Holy Spirit's help.  

     This woman and her daughter lied about me again later on, and because they were patron saints of that Bible study (I'm being sarcastic!), they were believed and I was kicked out without even being allowed to set the record straight.  After that, some people I had counted as friends wouldn't speak to me.  I was the subject of gossip in the small, Bible-belt-of-California town.  

     Ironically, I was kicked out of that Bible study two years TO THE DATE before my wedding day!

December 19, a redeemed day!

          After being kicked out of that Bible study, I was hurt, but not utterly crushed.  I was strong in faith, and just trying to figure out what had gone wrong.  That was when a wonderful friend named Kim reached out to me.  Kim became an amazing mentor to me, and is still one of my dearest friends and accountability partners.  Kim had been in the Bible study.  Her kids had been in the junior high class I had taught.  Getting ahead of myself, her daughter would be a junior bridesmaid in my wedding.  But anyway, Kim invited me to attend Celebrate Recovery, an amazing, recovery-based Bible study.
     "This will be different from any other Bible study you ever went to," Kim promised when she invited me.  She was right.  

     I had been kicked out of something, so being invited to something seemed so redemptive.  I knew God was using her to get me into it.  

     At Celebrate Recovery, I made friends with real people who were honest about their struggles.  I wasn't a threat there, because no one was there to be manipulative.  We were there to get help and healing.  Nobody was there to impress anyone or show off.  We were allowed to openly share our triumphs and failures without commentary from anyone else.  I worked through the study, with Kim as my sponsor.  I was able to see how the incorrect answers I had been given in the past gave me a wrong view of myself, and of how God wanted me to handle situations.  I concluded that all these people in my past had been insecure and manipulative, and that I simply wouldn't be manipulated.  This was their sin, not mine.  I hadn't been wrong, they had.  No one wanted to deal with it.  Now, was I perfect?  No.  Not by a long shot.  In fact, even though I had not sinned in refusing to let them control me, I did sin in instances that went beyond that.  Sometimes, once a manipulation started, it became like a game to me.  It was a win/lose thing that I was determined to win.  I never wanted to be weak, or let anyone get the better of me.  That's definitely how it had been with the co-leader who lied about me and got me kicked out.  In other instances, I had responded in bitterness, or been contrary.  I repented of this, and with God's help, continue to grow.  

     In some cases, I owed certain people apologies, and I did that.  It's hard to apologize, because often, the other person owes me an apology too...but they probably won't give it.  I just had to humble myself and say I was sorry, asking for forgiveness for where I was wrong.  In some cases, the other person also asked for forgiveness, which led to reconciliation.  In other instances, the person would say, "Oh, I forgave you a long time ago.  Glad to see you finally realized the error of your ways," and it boiled my blood, because they were just as wrong as me, and yet they self-righteously accepted my apology without offering one of their own.  But that's their "side of the street".  God can deal with them.  That isn't my job.  I just need to make things right on my end.  It's hard, but worth it.  

     I still struggle with manipulative people.  I believe God has given me insight in this area.  I wish more people on the outside of things took me seriously, instead of seeing me as the bad guy for simply calling out something that's already there.  I am currently dealing with a manipulative student in my class at the Christian school.  The principal is kind and supportive, but doesn't really see the situation for what it is.  I feel like I'm fighting the same battle I've fought a million times.  But this time, I see it realistically.  I'm spending time with Jesus, praying for the right responses.

     Jesus dealt with manipulative people too.  The Pharisees hated Him, simply because they couldn't control him.  They successfully controlled everyone else.  Jesus was kind to them, but he didn't tolerate their manipulation.  They couldn't let this go.  They weren't satisfied until they killed Him.  But He won.  He rose again.  He will give me the victory I need as well.  I also see that, when it wasn't Jesus' time to die yet, He would often pull away from the Pharisees when they got to be too difficult.  He went by Himself, to regather Himself with the Father.  That's what I need to do.  I don't believe there's a one-size-fits-all response for dealing with manipulative people, but I know God will help me on a case-by-case basis.  This is my prayer.

Three Churches

     I love stability.  I imagine most people can relate to that sentiment.  To me, the ideal life would be to live in the same town, going to the same church, knowing the same friends all your life.  It would be a blessing to share life with these same friends, going through different seasons together, making memories that last a lifetime.  Cherishing the little things, like going out to lunch after church together, or having each other over for visits.  The closeness and camaraderie of such relationships would be a taste of heaven on earth.

     Unfortunately, very few people have that much stability in life.  Life has a way of moving us on.  Even if you're not the one being moved on, chances are that someone else is. Someone in your circle.  And once they leave, your world won't be quite the same anymore.  Staying behind or going on ahead, your life will change at some point.
   
     Why do things have to change?  Why do we (or others...or both) have to move on when things might seem so ideal and perfect?  I believe the answer is found in Acts 8:4.  By this point, the believers in Jerusalem had to scatter, due to persecution.  Before this, they had been together, having "everything in common" (Acts 4:32).  Can you imagine how wonderful that was?  Jesus had just ascended to Heaven.  The Holy Spirit had come.  People were coming to Christ daily (Acts 2:47).  These believers had been part of something bigger than themselves...something that includes us today, and beyond!  I wouldn't want to leave something that wonderful...would you?  But, Acts 8:4 gives us a clue as to why they had to move on.

     "Those who had been scattered preached the word wherever they went."  There you have it right there.  They needed to leave Jerusalem, taking the gospel with them to those who had literally never heard.  Was the persecution a good thing?  No.  Was it good that friends had to say goodbye?  No.  But Romans 8:28 gives us insight into this as well.  "And we know that all thing work together for the good to them that love God, who are the called according to His purpose."  God used these painful, difficult circumstances for His good and glory, and for the good of these first-century Christians.  They became missionaries.

     There's more to the story, though.  I imagine that, deep inside, they still cherished those days in Jerusalem with their first Christian friends.  Maybe in the midst of rejoicing over a new person coming to Christ, they felt just a twinge of desire for bygone days with old friends, wishing they, too, could share in this new victory.  But their hope was in knowing they'd see each other again.  That is the hope of all believers.  We will meet again, in the presence of Jesus.

     I have experienced this in my own life.  I grew up in a very stable neighborhood where everyone was good friends.  That was very nice.  However, I grew up at three churches.  I often wish it had been just one, but each one served such a vital purpose in my life, and I'd like to talk about them, and draw a conclusion.

A beautiful old church in Lucas, Iowa.  I did not grow up at this church, but thought the picture beautifully illustrated my point.

     When I do use the phrase "The church where I grew up," I'm usually talking about Corona Heights Baptist Church.  This was where I spent the happy, innocent years.  This was where I went from being a Christian little girl to a Christian young woman.  This was where I memorized over half of the Bible verses I know today.  It was where I went through AWANA.  It was where everything made sense.  The world belonged to me.  Being part of that church family meant safety and security.

     Corona Heights Baptist Church was close-knit.  We had maybe 200 people at it's largest point in time.  Most of the families were part of Corona Heights Christian School, a home-school group.  Back in the 80's, homeschooling didn't have the acceptance it does today.   We were registered as a private Christian school.  We had yearbooks and everything.  Back then, a lot of people said negative things about home-schooling.  The biggest questions was, "What about socialization?"  If done correctly, there is plenty of good socializing for home-schoolers.  Our church's home-school was just like the church, close-knit with love.  We had extra-curricular classes (such as art, choir, etc) on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  On Fridays, we alternated between skating rink days, park days (which were picnics in the park) and field trips.  Most of us also went to Sunday school and AWANA together.  It was very common for us to see each other four or five days a week at least.  On top of this, our families were all friends, and we spent a lot of time visiting each other.  I was never lonely.  I never felt left out.  I never felt less than.  I didn't know insecurity.  I was happy to be just who I was, accepted for who I was, and accepting everyone else for who they were.

     When I was nine years old, I was baptized at Corona Heights Baptist Church.  I had gotten saved at age 5, but I had grown into a deeper walk.  I was finding I had less in common with kids my age.  I wanted to go the distance with God.  I wanted to follow His plans for me.  I wanted to take that stand for Christ.  So, on June 2, 1991, I was baptized.  I was the youngest person to be baptized that day.  One junior high student was baptized, one high schooler, and the rest were adults.

     Life was so fun.  This is my "Jerusalem" church.  The one I look back on and cherish in my heart of hearts.  When I was a young adolescent, things began to change.  It is a long story that doesn't bear telling, but things fell apart at this church.  Leadership made errors in judgment.  Many of my dearest friends left.  For the first time in my life, I felt loss, loneliness, insecurity.  In this case, we stayed, but watched many we loved go.  Some moved away.  Others just found connections at other churches in town.  It was a hard time.  The church began to feel stale.  The place held a thousand precious memories (and always will for me), but all the joy was gone.  The glory had departed.  We finally left ourselves, but only after really trying to fight the tide.  We did all we could, and it was time to move on.  That was also traumatic for me.  Corona Heights Baptist Church eventually closed for good.  A Spanish church met at its location for a while, but when I visited California over Christmas 2018, I discovered that the building is 100% gone.  The property is now a shopping center, with not even a hint of the joy we once had there.  I cried, I'll be honest.

     The next church we went to met entirely different needs in my life.  Needs I didn't know I had.  This was Canyon Hills Community Church.  This church met at a local elementary school a few miles south of our neighborhood.  After losing my closest friends, I had a harder time bonding in a new environment, but I did make friends.  I was surprised to find I became friends with the boys in the youth group more than the girls, but I did.  They were a lot of fun.  We would play games like volleyball or ping-pong.  The activities we did were a lot of fun.  There was one boy there was was very special to me.  In an innocent way, you could call him my first boyfriend.  He gave me my first boy-compliment.  We had a Christmas formal dinner for the youth group.  I wore my best dress and did my hair in my favorite style.  I wore stocking and shoes that complimented the dress.  This boy came up to me and told me I looked very beautiful.  I grinned for a week about that.  When I remember it, even today, it makes me smile at my happy young-teen self.

     Another thing I got to know at this new church was contemporary Christian music.  Back then, our local Christian radio station didn't play a lot of music.  It was mostly preaching (which I am not complaining about).  The only way you could find out what was coming out with Christian music was to attend Christian Skate Nights at the roller rink (which we did) or spend money on tapes at the Christian bookstore (which could be risky, in case you didn't end up liking it).  Canyon Hills had a worship team that sang a lot of the praise songs from that era.  My favorite was "Thy Word", which was taken directly from Psalm 119:105.  Whenever I hear that song or read that passage today, I think about the friends from Canyon Hills.  The pastor's daughter had an amazingly beautiful voice, and she would often do special music before the sermon.  It was through her that I learned about new (at the time) albums by Point of Grace or Cherri Keaggy.  I still love the hymns I grew up with at Corona Heights, but Canyon Hills gave me an appreciate for praise music as well.  Of course, that was 90's praise music.  Today's worship music is vastly different, and I like it too!  I actually wish those 90's songs were still common in churches.  Many were taken directly from the Bible.  They are very beautiful.

     Another fun thing at Canyon Hills was that I got a lot of babysitting jobs.  Back then in the mid-90's, I charged a dollar and hour per child.  I felt rich when I would get paid!  I was a business woman.  This was not only good experience, but I bonded with these families who hired me.  I loved the way the mothers would pick me up and take me home.  We would have conversations.  I felt like they treated me like I was an adult, and I loved the feeling.  One of these mothers, Debbie, still keeps in touch with me, and is an constant source of encouragement.  Her kids are adults now.  This makes me feel old, since I changed their diapers!  Debbie always paid me with a check, which added to my feeling like an adult.  Since I didn't have a bank account at first, she would make the check out to my mom, who would cash it out and give me the money.  Wanting to feel more grown up and get my own paycheck (with my own name on it), I opened a bank account at Union Bank in our Ralph's grocery store.  I was so proud when Debbie and others started making the checks out to me, personally!

     A final lesson I learned at Canyon Hills was the importance of ministry and calling.  The summer I was fourteen, I worked in Vacation Bible School.  I was the assistant to the first-and-second grade teacher, Mr. Johnson.  I was mainly there to help, but once class got underway that first day, I was suddenly hit with something I didn't even understand myself.  I asked Mr. Johnson if I could share something with the kids after the lesson.  He gladly agreed.  When it was my time to go up, I just started talking, and God filled in the gaps.  I shared the gospel, and, that week, fourteen children received Christ in our class!  I remember the amazing feeling of having God use me.  Mr. Johnson wrote me the nicest note, which I still have today.  A few years ago, Mr. Johnson passed away, but before he did, he called me and thanked me again for helping him with VBS back in 1996 (which was almost 20 years earlier).  He was a good mentor.  That week of VBS taught me that God wanted me to share the gospel.  The boy I had liked so much also helped in VBS, but he wasn't really into the spiritual aspect of it, and God used that to show me that I wanted to eventually marry someone who was as excited about this stuff as I was, so I moved on from this boy.  Incidentally, his little brother ended up helping me lead kids to the Lord that week.  That was when I decided that I was going to wait until I was eighteen and out of high school before I had a serious boyfriend, because I wanted to focus on becoming the person God wanted me to be in my life.  The joy I felt in that classroom, leading those kids to Christ, has stayed with me all these years.

     A few months later, God led my family to Glen Avon Community Church, in an area that is now the City of Jurupa Valley, but back then was just an unincorporated part of north Riverside, CA.  This third little church also had friends, blessings and lessons for me.  As with the other two, I still have lifelong friendships from it.  I also remained involved in this church until my husband and I left California in 2016.

     Glen Avon Community Church was an old church, started in 1927.  I remember celebrating their 70th anniversary with punch and cookies in 1997.  I guess a few months before we joined that church, they'd been down to a handful of people.  That was when they had called Pastor Joe Phillips to be their pastor.  Pastor Joe had been energetic and determined.  His grit, coupled with the Holy Spirit, brought people in, so that when we arrived, there were almost 100 people.  It continued to grow after we joined.  One woman who joined at that time, Sharon, ended up being our pianist, and I would eventually work with her to direct kids' Christmas and Easter programs.  Another woman, Carol, worked with me in children's ministry.  I was able to visit Carol during our recent trip to California.  Sharon is with the Lord, but I'll get to visit her one day too.

     Even though the church had been around for decades, it was almost like a new church plant.  Just as we were coming, they were starting a new youth group and Sunday school classes.  It was fun getting in on the ground floor.  We fit right in.

     Glen Avon sang mostly the hymns, and that took me back to the earlier time in my life at Corona Heights.  It also did incorporate some of the praise songs we'd learned at Canyon Hills.  Pastor Joe preached out of the King James Bible, something that none of our pastor's had done.  I had memorized in AWANA out of the King James, because that's all that was available back then.  I was of the last generation to memorize out of the King James.  When I was a young adult, many groups (such as AWANA), started printing their resources in different versions.  So, all that to say, I was familiar with the King James from my memorization in AWANA, but hearing a pastor preach out of it was a little new to me.  I grew to appreciate the eloquent and dignified language.  To this day, I have a special place in my heart for the king James Version...but I actually prefer the New American Standard for accuracy.  Bible translation is a fascinating subject to study.  I did a paper on the subject in Bible college.

     The teens at Glen Avon were very kind and welcoming.  We had a lot of fun with them.  I still missed friends at the previous churches.  We still saw some of these friends.  My parents had a weekly Bible study with a family from Corona Heights that I had known all my life.  I also continued babysitting for our Canyon Hills friends who had been hiring me.  I was happy to still have this contact.  These people were precious to me.

     Pastor Joe would take us teenagers out to do evangelism, and it was exciting to continue seeing God work in and through me!  Pastor Joe really believed in us kids, and that was a good feeling.

     A year after we joined, Glen Avon started having AWANA.  I was sixteen, and was allowed to be a leader.  I loved this.  I had missed AWANA so much, and being involved again was the first dream that ever came true for me.  The church also started the high school AWANA program, but had it on a separate night.  That way, we teens could have our own time, and still be leaders for the younger kids.  I loved being involved that way.  We laughed a lot!  That stands out to me more than anything.  One time, Pastor Joe had us doing a word search.  A fun-loving boy in the group found the word GOD.  Excitedly, he called out, "I found God!"  Everyone laughed and said, "We've been praying you would!"  It is still a joke to this day!  This boy's brother found KMART (which wasn't intentional in the word search, just happened to be in with the mixed-up letters), and said, "I found Kmart!"  Though not quite as funny, it also became a little joke.  I still think about it every time I go to a Kmart.

     One really fun thing we did during high school AWANA was this scavenger hunt game called "Bigger or Better".  We would be placed on teams.  Each team was given a toothpick.  We had to go door to door and exchange what we had for something bigger or better.  We would have an hour, and then meet back at the church with our final exchange.  I remember one time, a group came back to the church with a litter of kittens!

     The summer after I graduated from high school, I went on a mission trip to Africa.  The church was 100% behind me.  Pastor Joe told me I was his hero.  No one had ever said that to me before.  There was no question that this was a mission-minded church.  I was loved.

     I continued being involved at Glen Avon.  In my late 20's, I began working for the church.  My title was "Missionary to Children".  I networked with other ministries to do children's ministry, as well as developed the programs within our church.  Those years are filled with memories of taking teens on mission trips, conducting fun Christmas and Easter plays (the best was our Charlie Brown Christmas play!), taking kids to camp, teaching Bible clubs, going Christmas caroling with the kids, church picnics, and training other adults to evangelize kids.
     Pastor Joe had retired when I was in my early 20's, and we had another pastor, Ernie, who eventually passed away.  Ernie's son-in-law, Mike became the next Pastor, who is still there today.  Pastor Mike officiated my wedding.  He was the one who had encouraged my ministry pursuits in my adult years.  He had encouraged me as I waited for the right man that God had for me.   It was only right he perform our wedding. Pastor Mike's wife, Amy, was our wedding coordinator.  I still love their family greatly, and am so grateful for Facebook, so I can still keep in touch conveniently.

     After our wedding, Walter and I lived in Lake Arrowhead, California, in the San Bernardino Mountains.  We attended a church up there.  But we never broke ties with Glen Avon, and would pop in for visits now and then.  It was only when we moved out of California that we had to really say goodbye.  

     Moving on is hard, especially when you felt settled and happy where you were.  I can look back on these three churches and see how God had purposes for me in each one.  Each was a tool in my life.  And really, there is only one church.  All believers are God's body on earth.  We might meet at different congregations, but we're one body.  We're all part of something bigger than ourselves, just like the Christians in Acts.  When God scatters us, we can share the gospel and serve in our new place.  One day in Heaven, we'll be together forever.  There will be no more goodbyes.  There will be no more scattering.  Times of joy and closeness are a reflection of Heaven.  In the meantime, being moved on has one very exciting aspect.  We'll know more people when we get to Heaven!  I never thought I'd know so many fellow Christians.  I know believers from different churches in California, as well as in South Dakota, Iowa, and New Mexico (and really, many other places because of my mission trips, etc.).  That's even better than never having to move or leave.  

Chosen People

I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you.  I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing.  I will bless those who bless you, whoever curses you I will curse, and the peoples of the earth will be blessed through you.
-Genesis 12:2-3
     God made the above promise to Abraham, the father of the Hebrew people.  God was choosing a people for Himself, from which His promised Messiah would come.  Jesus is God's culmination of that promise to the Jews, and to the whole earth.
     One of the most compelling arguments for the validity of Scripture is the ongoing triumph of the Jews.  There is no race on earth that has been the subject of so many plots and schemes for demise...and yet again and again, they conquer, rising out of the ashes.  The only explanation for both the hatred against them and their constant survival is the simple fact that God chose them.
     The old Testament is filled with stories of wicked men and women who wanted to make an end of God's people.  Pharoah had all the baby boys of the Hebrews thrown into the river in Exodus.  Haman, in the book of Esther, sought to destroy the entire race of Jews.  Countless other enemies arose against them, intent on destruction.  Yet the Jews endure to this day.
     I do not believe that these old Testament enemies were acting alone.  Satan orchestrated these evil devices against the Jews. Why?  To prevent the Savior from coming.  Satan knew God's promises.  He knows the Bible.  If he destroyed the Jews, he would, in theory, destroy God's promise, and our hope of salvation.  Makes sense, right?
     A last-ditch effort was made by King Herod after Jesus was born.  Satan used Herod's insane jealousy to kill babies in Bethlehem, in hopes of destroying the young Messiah.  But he failed...again.  Jesus lived out his life, then died on the cross and rose again, paying our penalty and making it possible for us to come into right relationship with God.  Through Christ, we can have eternal life.  This was the very thing Satan wanted to prevent.  This was why he used wicked people to make so many attempts against the Jews.
     You would think that Satan would give up on harassing the Jews after this and just focus on people in general.  After all, the Messiah had come.  People of every race and nation could now be saved.  The Jews played no further role in God's grand scheme...or did they?
     It is true that Satan is a roaring lion.  He seeks to devour whom he will (First Peter 5:8).  He throws fiery darts at believers, which is why we need to put on the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-17).  He tries to steal our joy and effectiveness for Christ.  But he is still madly after the Jews.  There have continued to be attacks against the Jews throughout history . Mad attacks.  Attacks that make no sense, except that Satan was behind it.  Why would that be?
     Could it be that God's promise to Abraham is still in effect?  Does God still have plans for Israel?  We know from scripture that He longs for their salvation (Matthew 23:37-39).  Many Jewish people have embraced Jesus as their Messiah.   We also know that Israel plays a role in end time prophecies and Christ's return (Matthew 24:15ff...and countless places throughout the Bible).
     Satan wants to foil God's promises and plans now just as much as He did before Christ.  Maybe even more so now, because his time is shorter and He is more desperate!
     The biggest, most recent mass-attack against the Jews was the Holocaust.  Millions of Jews and other people were exterminated at the hand of the Nazis.  Like all other attacks on the Jews throughout history, this originated with Satan as an effort to thwart God's plans.  Satan used Adolf Hitler, a crazy, wicked man given over to evil.  He was no different than Pharoah, Haman, or King Herod.
     The Holocaust was a devastation.  A ministry I support that leads Jews to Christ shared that before the Holocaust, many Jews in Europe were coming to Jesus by the droves.  There were Messianic Churches all over the place.  Most of these Christian Jews were destroyed in concentration camps.  The effects of the Holocaust still hang in the air.  The number of living Jews is still greatly diminished from what it was in the 1920's.  And many Jews today use the Holocaust as reason for having a hard heart against the gospel. It is truly tragic.
   My mother-in-law pointed out something truly redemptive to me.  God used the Holocaust to arouse worldwide sympathy and support of the Jews--something that had never happened before.  This support enabled them to return to Israel when it became a nation again in 1948.  Israel being a nation is key in end time prophecy.  God did what He has always done, used Satan's evil schemes to bring about His purposes.  That is redemption.
     However, we must never, ever downplay the Holocaust.  I have seen a rising trend of this lately, and it scares me.  People defend Hitler, saying he would never have been so bad if he didn't get kicked out of art school.  That logic is not only crazy, but inconsistent.  Every one of us has been hurt and disappointed, but very few attempt to destroy a race of people.  Humanizing and validating Hitler's wickedness is not the answer.  I personally wish someone had been able to reach Hitler for the Lord before it was too late.  But being kicked out of art school is no excuse for destroying human life.  One person even told me she believes the Holocaust was "meant to be".  That terrifies me.  Nothing evil is ever meant to be.  In God's divine Providence, He allows evil, but it is NEVER His plan.  Let us grieve for the lives lost in the Holocaust, and every other attack against the Jewish people.  God isn't done with them yet.

Second in Command

   

I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men; For kings, and for all that are in authority; that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty.For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Saviour;Who will have all men to be saved, and to come unto the knowledge of the truth.   -First Timothy 2:1-4

  I am enjoying my job teaching 5th grade at Calvary Christian Academy.  A few weeks ago, one of my students made a comment that got my mind working overtime.  

     "It must be so easy being Vice-President.  You just follow the President around and wait for him to die so you can have a job, and if he doesn't, you just get to hang out in Washington, DC!"  I realized that I needed to correct this misconception.  Being the Vice-President is a real job.  A very hard job.  Sometimes, a very thankless one.  

     I put a lot of thought into this.  Including current Vice-President Mike Pence, there are six living Vice-Presidents.  Some, I have a very high opinion of and agree with.  Others, I do not.  However, all of them have done (or are currently doing) a very difficult job for our country, and deserve respect if nothing else.  People who accuse any President or Vice-President of simply being "stupid" are completely wrong.  

  

   

     I have twelve students in my class.  What if I were to place them in groups of two, and have them each do a report on one of these men?  That is exactly what I have done.

     We are currently working on major history fair projects, so I plan to start this project in March, due in early April.  However, I knew one aspect of it needed to be taken care of as soon as possible.  I had each group write a letter to their chosen Vice-President.  They did that today.  I wanted to give them plenty of time to respond (if they do) so that the students can use the return letter in their reports.

     Doing this took a lot of planning and research on my part beforehand, including tracking down mailing addresses for former Vice-Presidents.  They're not exactly listed in my local phone book with poison control and the police department.  I also had to try to find out the respectful way to address a former Vice-President who is now a private citizen.  I learned that, unlike Presidents, who may still be called "Mr. President" after leaving office, Vice-Presidents do not take that title with them.  Rather, they should be addressed by the highest office they held prior to the Vice-Presidency.  Did you know that?  I didn't.  This meant Dick Cheney would be Mr. Cheney, while Walter Mondale, Dan Quayle, Al Gore, and Joe Biden would all be addressed as Senator.   So much to learn!  

     Having found all this out, I came up with a form letter for my students to follow.  The first paragraph in each was virtually identical:  "We are in 5th grade at Calvary Christian Academy.  We have been placed in groups to write reports about Vice Presidents.  We are learning about what the Vice President does.  We chose you for our report."  

     The next paragraph was blank.  I had each team come over and tell me what they wanted to ask their Vice-President.  Some questions, I tried to steer them away from.  We eventually came up with some good letters.  I printed out the letters and had the kids sign them.  

     I was really proud that each group wanted to include the question, "Are you a Christian" in their letter.  I told them that probably all of these men would say "yes" to this question.  I told them that personally, I have read the salvation experiences of both Dan Quayle and Mike Pence.  The rest, I explained, I'm truly not certain of.  I was proud my students cared about their relationships with the Lord.  I didn't have them include that question in their letters, because, as I said, I believe their answer would simply be "yes" either way, and I wanted them to focus on the role of Vice-President.  Perhaps that was wrong of me.  Maybe that would have been my students' witness.  We did identify our Christian school, and were extremely respectful (we closed each letter with "Thank you for serving our country!"  Before their signatures, we put "Most Respectfully,".  Still, perhaps it would have been good for me to let the kids actually ask if they were Christians.

     Some of the things the kids said and wanted to say were sweet and funny.  For example...

     The group writing to Mike Pence asked him if he got into traffic jams on his way home from the White House every night.  They explained that we have bad traffic in Albuquerque.  They asked if other people on the freeway recognized him as the Vice-President and tried it honk and wave at him.  They also told him our class is praying for him and President Trump.  I thought that was a nice touch (and it is the truth, too)

     The group writing to Al Gore asked him what he does for fun.  They also asked him what he thought the most interesting thing was that happened when he was Vice President.  I thought this was a good question, and of course let them keep it in (I just hope that if he writes back, he doesn't say the Monica Lewinsky scandal!)  

     The group writing to Walter Mondale wanted to ask him how much gas used to cost back then (I told them that he was the only Vice-President I didn't remember out of all of them, so I guess they assumed it was really far back!).  I encouraged them to keep it more general (the man's in his 90's!).

     I think the funniest thing was the group writing to Dan Quayle.  They had specifically requested him, because they're sort of on a George H.W. Bush kick (since he passed so recently, and I had also told my students he was President when I was their age).  One of the boys on the team wanted to ask Quayle, "How was it working with George H.W. Bush?"  His partner immediately stopped him.  "You shouldn't mention him!  Dan Quayle probably misses him now that he's dead, and that question might make him cry."  I had to stifle laughter at this, trying to imagine Dan Quayle opening their letter and bursting into inconsolable tears.  But their concern was very sweet.  I told them that the question was appropriate and they could keep it in.  

     I mailed these letters at the Post Office after work.  I think it would be really great if they wrote back to the kids.  I think it was a great thing for the kids to do this.  I look forward to eventually hearing what these students come up with in their reports.  I'm certain they'll never underestimate the Vice-Presidency again!  

Top Ten Things that Bug me...and probably you too!

     I was raised to have a positive attitude and try not to complain.  But life isn't perfect, and some things are annoying.  The Bible even talks about annoying things, particularly in the book of Proverbs, such as: a neighbor who wears out his welcome (Proverbs 25;17), a complaining wife (Proverbs 27:15), and greeting someone early in the morning (Proverbs 27:14), among other things.  The following are the top ten things that annoy me, and probably annoy you too!  If you can think of anything to add to the list, let me know!  This is meant mostly for laughs (but not entirely), and also just for people to relate to.

10)  When I'm wearing a long skirt, such as in church, and I bend over to pick something up, and step on the skirt unknowingly, and then inadvertently pull it down when I stand up!  One time, I was in front of the church years ago, sitting on the platform, and then when I stood up, I heard this loud RRRIP!  I had stood on it and ripped it!  I was sure everyone heard it.  The whole seam ripped, and I had to hold it together and walk out of the church sideways!  A close "cousin" of this experience is when I'm wearing lightweight, loose-fitting slacks, and I put something in my pocket (such as keys), and then, when I run, or walk more quickly, the weight of the thing in the pocket pulls my pants down.  I've had that one happen in public a few times, where my pants came all the way down!

9)  Traffic!  No further explanation needed with this one!  I loved having very little traffic to speak of in South Dakota.  I'm learning my way around Albuquerque, and figuring out the best time to leave in the mornings to avoid rush hour (which, like LA traffic, doesn't rush!).  I'm also seeing which side-streets are more direct than the freeway. Even Jesus must relate to this, because Matthew 8:18 says, Now when Jesus saw the crowd around Him, He gave orders to depart to the other side of the sea.

8)  When someone brings you a drink you enjoy (soda, iced tea, water...whatever), but it's 3/4 full of ice with very little liquid.  If it's water, you just don't get enough to quench your thirst, which is annoying in and of itself.  If it's any other beverage, it's the same problem, plus the added annoyance that all that ice waters down the flavor.  I prefer no ice in my drinks if it's already refrigerated.  If it is room temperature, I like very light ice to cool it, but not much. 

7)  When you're at someone's home for dinner, and they're getting the salad ready while you're all visiting before the meal.  You watch them cut up the veggies and it looks delicious and mouth-watering.  Then they add the one vegetable you don't like, and put it all over the salad and it kind of ruins it for you!  You would have loved the salad otherwise, but the thing they added (for me, it's onions) makes it so you can't enjoy it, and it is usually applied to the salad in a way that you can't politely pick it out (or even if you can, it alters the flavor enough that, even if you remove it, the taste lingers).  For the record, if you ever come to my house for dinner, I always set up a salad bar, so people can put what they want on it.  

6)  This happens to me at Walmart all the time, but has happened at other places too.  When I'm at the Walmart photo center printing pictures or having photos put on a disk (which I do a lot), there is seldom an actual employee behind the counter or anywhere near.  If there is any problem at all with the machine, or if I have any question at all, I have to leave my stuff there in the machine, go to some other department (hopefully the electronics, which is right next to photos, but sometimes I have to go further) and find someone, who usually doesn't know anything about photos, and has to run and find someone who does, and it turns out they don't come in for another hour or two.  Yikes!  If this happens at Walgreens (the other place I often go to print pictures), the store is so much smaller than Walmart that it is easier to get help, but this still happens.

5)  This is a big teacher one.  It can happen at church, school...wherever, and has happened with all ages.  If a child I am in charge of in some way is acting out, being disrespectful, or especially if they are doing something dangerous, but their parent is right there, I'm left not knowing if it is appropriate for me to correct them.  What's worse, sometimes I forget myself and correct kids who aren't my responsibility at all, and I've had to go back and apologize to parents.  The pet peeve here isn't really the child acting up (because they all do, it's normal), but that awkwardness of having the parent right there and not being sure how to intervene, or even if I should.  This most often happens during drop off or pick up times when both parent and teacher are present.

4)  When someone loses a significant amount of weight and suddenly wants to give you all their "fat clothes".  Please, people, just give them to goodwill!  I've had people offer me clothes five to ten sizes bigger than I wear!  I was left thinking, "Wow, I must give off the illusion of being a lot bigger than I am."  That is incredibly awkward.  Some people are perfectly satisfied with their weight and body image, and some are terribly insecure.  Either way, offering someone your big clothes is not complimentary, even if your intention is to be kind and helpful.  Please just give them to goodwill.  Or find a creative way to reuse.  I had a coworker who lost 80 pounds, and had the clever idea of saving her clothes for pregnancy, so she didn't have to buy maternity clothes.  She got good use out of them when she was pregnant.

3)  When your favorite TV show kills off important characters!  Pictured below are a few people they've killed off from my favorite shows over the years...and it was a big mistake!  I'm still trying to get over When Calls the Heart having Jack die!  Cruel!  I guess it goes to show we shouldn't get too emotionally attached to fictional characters.

2)  People asking indelicate or vulgar questions.  A friend of mine is constantly asked when her baby is due...and she isn't pregnant!  She even gets strangers coming up and touching her belly!  It really offends her, understandably!  When I was in high school, it was, "When are you going to college?  How will you pay for it?  What job are you getting?  What?  You're not working yet?  What's wrong with you?  How will you ever pay for school or a car or insurance?  You know that's expensive, right?"  As a teenager, I was very overwhelmed by this, and I walked away without a word.  When I was a single adult, it was, "Why aren't you married yet?  You need to get out more!  Ditch that little church God called you to do ministry at and join a big church that has a singles group, just for the express purpose of meeting someone, because this singleness thing is a curse that needs to be broken, and that's more important than following God's plan for your life and trusting His sovereignty. (okay, I'm paraphrasing slightly!)"  My response to this reasoning was a hyperbole, "Because I'm a reject nobody wants!" just to get them to realize how rude they were being.  Today, it's "Why don't you have kids yet?  You're getting old!  What if you can't have any?"  As if I don't feel rotten enough about it every time I look on Facebook an see that people a decade younger than us and who have been married less time than us are having kids, and we aren't.  We want to be happy for our friends, so it is a quiet pain to bear.  My answer to this most indecent question is, "Gee, I don't know why we don't have kids yet, but we sure enjoy trying!"  I figure if people are going to ask a vulgar question, they can expect to get a vulgar answer.  Sometimes, this is a good way to be a little bit funny, but also establish a boundary.  

AND THE MOST ANNOYING THING TO ME IS (the envelope please...drum roll)

1) When I tell someone about an experience I had after the fact, and they say, "Well, if I was there, I would have...".  First, that not only implies that I handled it wrongly, but also that the person I'm talking to would handle it so much better. This is arrogant.  Even if this was true and I did handle it wrongly and should have handled it their way, the situation is over, and someone telling me how they would have handled it doesn't help me in the present.  It's useless.  It helps no one  And really, no one really knows what they would do in a situation until they're in it.  It's one thing to hear someone talk about a situation and think how you'd handle it, but it is entirely different to actually have the situation thrown at you, sometimes without a chance to reflect on the best response.  I've gotten to the point where, when someone says, "Well, I would have..." I say, "I'm sure you would have.  Maybe that's why God put me there and not you."  This shuts them up!

     What things annoy you?  Have you dealt with any of the ones I listed here?  

My side of the street

     I recently saw a post on Facebook that shared a little story.  The gist of it went something like this:  A man went to church and forgot to turn off his cell phone.  It went off during prayer.  Everyone was really offended with him and let him know it in no uncertain terms.  He determined never to go to church again because of their harshness.  Later that same day, he went to a bar, and everyone treated him kindly and respectfully, so he spent the rest of his life going there.  The story ended with an admonishment toward Christians to watch how we act, because we're sending people to hell.

     I've heard this stuff before.  While I completely agree that we need to be kind to people, we are not responsible for anyone else's choices, nor are we responsible for anyone else's eternal destiny.  In the story above, the man made his choice.  The people at the church who were rude to him will be held responsible for being rude, but they are not responsible for him choosing to go to the bar and never return to church.  That's on him.  This story is a long list of tactics meant to vilify the church and Christians.  Unfortunately, Christians are often all too eager to accept the blame and pass on the Facebook posts.  

     The ultimate questions is this:  What did you do with Jesus Christ?  If you made Him your Savior, you have eternal life.  If not, then you have an eternity apart from God in the lake of fire.  No one else is responsible for what you do with Jesus Christ and His offer of salvation.  There will be no finger-pointing at the judgment.  No one can say, "People at church were rude," and have God accept that as a valid answer as to why they rejected Jesus Christ.  It isn't about other people.  It's about you and Jesus.

     I have enough guilt for my own sins.  I don't need guilt heaped on me by being told I'm sending people to hell.  I don't have that kind of power.  I feel strongly about this, and there is a reason.  Several years ago, in my early 20's, I had a ministry superior become very angry with me for the way I handled a situation.  This woman's anger was out of proportion to the situation.  Looking back, I can see that I could have handled things a little differently, but my heart was in the right place.  All I really needed was a little admonishment from the boss.  That isn't want I got.  I got shouted at, and accused of sending people to hell.  

     Do you want to know what had happened?  I have shared this story before, in earlier posts.  We were having our Christian Youth in Action camp at California Baptist University.  The University had a swimming pool, but one of their rules was that women had to wear one-piece swimsuits.  Several of our females students knew this, but brought bikinis anyway (testing the limits).  My superior told the girls she was going to give them "grace" and let them wear their bikinis anyway.  That's fine and dandy, but it wasn't her pool or her rules.  My superior made me take these students to the pool.  The lifeguard saw those bikinis and wouldn't let them swim.  He came down on me about it, since I was the staff present.  He asked me, "Why don't you think you have to follow our rules like everyone else?"  He was exactly right.  My superior had no business telling the girls it was okay to break the rules.  I took the girls back to my superior, who became enraged at me (as if I were the one responsible).  She told me I was judging and legalistic.  She then told the girls to try going to the pool again and see if the lifeguard would change his mind.  I absolutely refused to go back with them, and my superior told me I was prideful.  Makes perfect sense, eh?  

     Anyway, there were a lot of problems with girls dressing immodestly and breaking rules all through training.  These girls were rude and had bad attitudes in every other aspect of camp as well, not just clothing.  The last night, I gave a little impromptu talk about why it was important to obey rules.  Some of what I said was a little zealous, and I would probably reword some of it today.  However, none of it was wrong.  A lot of people liked what I said.  But my superior was furious.  That was when she told me I was responsible for sending people to hell.  She physically shook and trembled as she raged at me.  As an evangelist who wants to see people saved, I was hurt deeply by this remark.  

     I can't speak to my superior's other decisions that week.  But as for her comment that I'm sending people to hell, I have this to say.  If someone rejects Jesus, they're sending themselves to hell.  They don't need anyone's help.  If what I said in my little talk was wrong, then I'm responsible for that.  But I'm not responsible for someone's actions as a result of my talk.  If they got mad at mean, legalistic me and decided not to follow Christ, they're a big baby who needs to grow up.  It doesn't sound like they had any interest in Christ to begin with.  I have heard many people say things I disagreed with, but I didn't reject Jesus because of it.  I just decided that I disagreed with that person and left it at that.  I've had other believers make mistakes that have hurt me.  I think we all have experienced that.  We don't reject Jesus because of it.  If someone does, his faith wasn't in Jesus anyway, but in people.  

     I found it interesting that my superior wanted to show "grace" to girls who were intentionally breaking rules, but not to me, her own ministry worker, who was doing my best and maybe got overzealous.  No grace for that.  But lots of grace for intentional sin.  What's with that?

     One thing I've learned is that I need to focus on my "side of the street".  What am I responsible for?  If I do wrong, how am I responsible for making it right?  Making things right again is just as important as doing right to begin with.  If I sin against someone (even unintentionally), going back and making it right can make all the difference in the world, and bring Christ the glory.  That's all my side of the street.  My responsibility ends at that.  What the other person does is their side of the street, and I refuse to take guilt for that.  The same is true for good choices.  If I do right and someone comes to Christ as a result, it's God, not me.  I just did what was right.  I can't take guilt or credit for other people.

     I am very open to examining myself, and making things right.  I will own my choices and mistakes.  However, I will never, ever taken on guilt for other people's sin.  That's their side of the street.  I have enough on my own to deal with.  

   
     In conclusion, we are not responsible for sending anyone to hell.  We are not responsible for anyone's sin but our own.  One day, as believers, we will stand before the judgment seat of Christ and give an account.  We'll receive or lose heavenly rewards.  But our sins are gone forever because of the Blood of Jesus.  Trusting Christ is the first step to taking care of our side of the street.  No one else can do that for us, nor can we do that for anyone else.  Let's stop taking blame and start doing right.