It's about the Truth

     One thing that concerns me deeply in this day and age is the concentrated efforts of my generation to vilify the church, citing reasons that have nothing to do with the church's real purpose!

     Whole books have been written, ongoing blogs and YouTube videos are created, all with the purpose of defaming the church, organized faith of any kind, and especially evangelical Christianity.  As I said, many of those involved in it are of my generation, and many grew up in solid Christian faith.  

     Do things happen inside the church that shouldn't?  Yes, sadly.  There is a reason for this.  No one is perfect, aside from Christ Himself.  A church I know well in South Dakota has a slogan "No Perfect People Allowed."  In saying that, they aren't suggesting that some are perfect, and therefore unwelcome.  Rather, they are acknowledging in a tongue-in-cheek way that no one is perfect, and all are welcome to come in and hear the truth.  

     Very few people (if any) that I hear who try to dismantle Christianity have logic in their equation.  Very few claim to have left the faith over theology.  It's almost always about people.  Someone hurt them.  A group of people hurt them.  People have let them down or disappointed them.  

     I remember when I was going to a secular community college at age eighteen.  I went out to dinner with two friends from my class, and as we ate, I was trying to share the gospel with them.  All they kept saying was, "But what about the hypocrites?"  That's all they could talk about.  I finally said, "What about them?"  This kind of ended the conversation, as they didn't have an answer to that, but didn't want to hear more from me.  

     As Christians, we need to take our testimony seriously.  We need discernment, especially when running any sort of ministry.  But someone being hurt or offended by the church is no excuse for them to deny the faith.  God isn't going to listen to excuses on Judgment Day for their rejection of His Son.  

     The church is many things.  It is community.  It is fellowship.  It is tradition.  It can be fun.  But the ultimate purpose of the church is the truth.  If a church is no longer teaching the truth, then it's a good time to look for another.  But if someone is so busy counting the hypocrites that he fails to hear the truth, he only harms himself.  God will deal with the hypocrites in the end.  But if someone fails to embrace the truth, he ultimately loses.  

     One thing I notice about all my contemporaries who decry my faith is that they have no real doctrinal positions.  They know what they dislike about Christians, but they don't really have a statement about what they believe themselves.  They are doctrinally indifferent.  This is nothing new.  In his 1923 book Christianity and Liberalism, John Greshem Machen shares his great concerns for the liberal view of the faith--the vague indifference toward exact doctrine.  This book is almost 100 years old, but could have been written a month ago.  Machen expressed a lot of concern with the way people he knew were getting in the mindset that downplayed doctrinal truth and redefined Christianity as a "way of life," emphasizing good deeds over truth.  He says, "Christianity...is a religion, founded not on aspirations, but on facts."  Doctrine is what matters.  Did the pastor do something hurtful?  I'm deeply sorry.  If you can't live with it, find another church.  But did he preach false doctrine?  Then run--don't walk--as fast as you can in the other direction.  It's about the truth.  

     I understand being hurt by other believers.  I understand disagreeing with the majority of the Christian community on something, and feeling like the odd one out as a result.  I understanding seeing some of the church's marketing efforts as lame.  That happens, unfortunately.  But faith should never be about that.  It's about the truth of who Jesus is and what He has done for us.  If you believe that, and have embraced Christ for yourself, that's what matters.  God is big enough to fill in the gaps left by imperfect Christians.  You are responsible for your soul.  You have one life on this earth to choose to follow Christ.  Don't blow it because of less important distractions.  

No Fair!

     We live in a world that operates on a false assumption, and that is this:  Everything must be fair.  The truth is, life isn't fair.  Not at all.

     I tried to teach my fifth grade students this concept this past year.  They felt it wasn't fair that I was helping one particular student more than others (this student had much greater need for help).  I surprised them by saying, "You're right, it isn't fair."  I let this sink in a moment.  "Do you want everything to always be 100% fair?"  Of course they did, so I went on to explain.  "Let's just say that your doctor wanted to be completely fair to all his patients.  You went in to see him for a bad cold.  After he examined you, you asked if he could prescribe some medicine, and instead of doing that, he said, 'Sorry, but I have to be fair to all my patients, and the last guy who came in needed me to put a cast on his arm, so I'm going to have to put a cast on your arm too, in order to be fair.'"  The kids all laughed at the ridiculousness of this.  "Doctors aren't supposed to be fair, they're supposed to give each of their patients what they need.  That's the same with teachers.  If you're not getting what you need from me, you need to talk to me about it.  But otherwise, don't get angry when I help someone else get what they need."

      

     In some ways, I think this demand for fairness has hindered the way people perceive us as Christians.  We stand on God's word (and may we never stop!), but many see our faith as "unfair" to other faiths.  For example...

     A Christian teenager was sharing with me how he brought his Bible to an after-school program at his junior high school.  Everyone was working on homework, doodling, talking among themselves.  There was no structure.  This young man got out his Bible and quietly read, minding his own business.  One of the staff in this program (who was really just there for supervision) immediately made him put it away.  He politely asked why, and was told, "It isn't fair to other religions."  Wait a minute!  This young man was reading quietly.  He wasn't bothering or offending anyone.  How was it "unfair" and if it was, would they have made someone put a Quran away?  Why not let everyone be equally "unfair" and read their books?  This idea that everything has to be fair ends up becoming offensive really fast.

  

     It's more than that, though.  Many in the LGBT community claim fundamentalist Christians are unfair for saying marriage is to be between one man and one woman, for life.  And I can see how they would think and feel that way.  It does seem kind of unfair, saying some people can marry the love of their life and others can't.  But it isn't that simple.  No one's love life is "fair".  Some people have had tragic stories of lost love in their lives.  Is that fair?  I'm going to return to that in a moment.

     Jesus said in Luke 9:23, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow me."  What does this mean, and what does it have to do with fairness?

     Every human ever created has desires.  Desires for friendship.  Desires for food.  Desires for all sorts of things.  Sexual desires are among those.  God wants us to have joy (Psalm 16:11), and knows what is best for us (Matthew 6:8).  As such, He placed boundaries on every one of our desires.  Food is good, but overindulging is bad for us (Proverbs 25:16).  Many would say wine is good, but again, overindulging is a sin (Ephesians 5:18).  What about sex?  Sex is good.  God created it (Genesis 2).  But as with all other desires, there are boundaries in place. Sex is for marriage (Hebrews 13:4).  Marriage is for one man and one woman (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:4-5, Romans 1).  According to all of these passages, only those who are married are able to enjoy sex.  Sounds kind of unfair, huh?  But this doesn't just hit homosexuals.  This hits single people.  This hits people who are married, but find themselves attracted to another.  Jesus tells all of us to deny ourselves, take up our crosses, and follow Him.  For the single person, that cross might be a deep desire for sexual fulfillment in marriage, but not having it at this time.  For the person with same-sex attraction, that cross is pretty similar; having sexual desires that aren't fulfilled, but carrying on in the Christian life anyway.  What I think many in the LGBT community don't see is that we aren't trying to put restraints on them.  We are trying to encourage everyone to deny themselves, take up their crosses, and follow Jesus.  I was single until I was thirty-three. Did I struggle with sexual desires all those years?  Yes!  Of course I did!  Many out there would say I should have indulged myself.  But that isn't God's way.  Just like Jesus said, I denied myself (meaning I didn't indulge those desires), took up my cross (those unfulfilled longings) and followed Christ.  Anyone can do it, with God's help (Philippians 4:13).  That's what we're called to do.

     Along the same lines, what about this transgender phenomena that didn't even exist a decade ago and seemed to come out of nowhere?  I believe there are hurting people who struggle with their body, perhaps feeling they should be the opposite sex than their body indicates them to be.  If anybody understands being trapped in an insufficient body, it's Jesus!  He is God!  Yet He took on frail human flesh.  He wasn't even a great-looking human by our standards (Isaiah 53:2).  Pretty average, I'd imagine.  All that power contained in a human body.  Jesus understands those who struggle with their bodies.  And yet He also gives us the example.  He was completely obedient to the Father while He was in His earthly body (Philippians 2:8).  If someone feels their body is wrong for them, they must realize that God didn't make a mistake when He crated their body.  God makes no mistakes (Numbers 23:19).  God's grace is sufficient for coping with a body that seems wrong (Second Corinthians 12:9).  There is an agenda being pushed on these hurting people.  They are being used as anti-Christian propaganda.  They are falsely being promised that they can be whatever they want...when only God grants anything, and makes no such promises.  A person living with this disconnect between body and mindset must do what everyone else is called to do.  Deny themselves, take up their crosses and follow Jesus.  No one is exempt.

     It isn't all about sexual desires either.  Every person, no matter what their walk of life, has things they should deny.  As I said, no one is exempt.  Why wouldn't God want us to just indulge in whatever we want?  The same reason a good parent wouldn't (Matthew 7:11).  God loves you and has wonderful purposes for you that would go beyond your wildest dreams.  The truth is, none of the things you want can possibly satisfy you ultimately, deep inside.  Psalm 37:4 says that God can give you your hearts desires.  Psalm 16:11 says that in His presence is fullness of joy.  Nothing else will ultimately satisfy.  Not even a perfectly fair world.

     A lot of people don't like self-denial.  Let's face it, does anybody really enjoy it?  When my doctor made me give up caffeine in 2010, it was incredibly hard to deny myself!  It took a year to stop craving it!  It wasn't fair, but it was for my health.  In life, there are many other areas that are so much more important than caffeine consumption.  We must deny ourselves, take up our crosses and follow Christ.  Let Him fulfill us (Psalm 37:4).  It's hard.  But it's what we're called to do.  It isn't about being "fair".  It's about loving Jesus.  He gave Himself for us.  I know He didn't "feel" like it.  Was it "fair" for Him to take our place on the cross, when we deserve it?  No, it wasn't fair.  It was better than fair.  It was grace.
   

Not Worth It!

     I've had a lot of momentous days in my life. The day I came to Christ as my personal Savior. High school graduation. Wedding day...among other days. However, only one day takes the cake for the most ridiculous day of my entire life. That was December 31, 1991. New Year's Eve.  I was a preteen, just coming to that age when peer pressure means something. And that was the one of the only times in my life that I can honestly say I gave into peer pressure...and learned a hard lesson.

Here I am, early 1992, very shortly after the events in this story take place.  The girl in this picture was wiser than she had been a little over a month earlier on New Years Eve 1991.  

     I was never much of a follower of other people. I'm a rule follower and submit to authority, but I think for myself and always have. Mean girls never liked me much, because their whole routine revolves around power, and I never gave it to them. I was more of a leader myself, although I really wasn't intent on controlling others. I just didn't want to be controlled. That's pretty much how I still am. 

     On that fateful New Years Eve in 1991, I had run an errand with my mother. While I was gone, the girl who lived on the corner (I'll call her Pamela here to protect her privacy), came over to see me. After my dad (who was home) told her I was out with my mom, Pamela wrote me a note and left it in the garage on my bike, knowing I would find it when I got home. The note just basically said that I could come to her house when I got home. I got home within the hour, found her note, and went over to her house. Her mother told me that they now had company, and Pamela couldn't come over now. Shrugging, I went home. I was hanging out in my garage. Unfortunately (as you'll see), I hadn't thrown away Pamela's note. It was still setting out in the garage.


     As I was just hanging out, some other neighbor girls came over. Two of them were girls I hung out with a lot, Sarah and Lindsay. The other two were sisters, considered the "cool" girls in the neighborhood, Jessica and Andrea. I had hung out with them at our local pool, but nowhere else. This was the first time they'd come over to my house. I was a little distrustful of them, and didn't know why they were over here now.

      "Hi Janelle," Jessica, the oldest, walked into the garage as if she owned it. "We heard you got a new bike, and we came over to see it." 

     It was true that I had just bought a new bicycle a few days earlier. It wasn't a Christmas present. I had saved my allowance for all of 1991 (and done odd jobs for neighbors) in order to buy my dream bike, and I had finally had enough money a few days after Christmas. It was a ten-speed, and I was proud of it. 
I let my guard down a little as the girls all paraded into the garage to see my new bike. 

Alas, we sold my dream bike several years later at a garage sale, but this is pretty similar to what it looked like...only mine didn't have a basket in the front.

     "Oh, Janelle!" Andrea ran her hand over the handle bars. "No wonder it took you all year to save up! This bike is amazing!" 


     "It's even better than mine," Sarah agreed. Her bike was the a similar design, but was a one-speed. 


     "But yours has a basket in the front. I wish mine did," I told her, mainly trying to be kind.


     "We should all go for a bike ride," Lindsay suggested. 


     "Hey, what's this?" Andrea suddenly bent over, picking up Pamela's note from where it had fallen onto the garage floor.
 
     "Oh, it's just a note Pamela left me earlier," I shrugged.

     Andrea read the note silently. "Look at this!" She exclaimed, handing it to her sister.
Jessica read the note aloud. "The nerve of her!" She exclaimed. "Who does Pamela think she is, trying to make you come over to her house when we were on the way over!  She was trying to get you to ditch us and only be with her!"
 
     Right off the bat, I saw how ridiculous this reasoning was. There was nothing malicious in Pamela's note. She was just inviting me over, as a friend. Neither she nor I had any way of knowing these four girls were coming over to my house. I tried to tell the girls this, but all four of them got worked up. 


     "Pamela's a jerk. She's always trying to make people ditch their friends to go to her house!" 


     I kept telling them this wasn't true, but they were so overexcited. They started making fun of Pamela meanly. I felt really uncomfortable. I was starting to get tired of arguing with them. I wish I had told all four of them to take a hike.  In fact, in many ways, if I were given the chance to change one thing in my life, this would be it.

     Finally, after an hour of this discussion, I finally agreed that Pamela shouldn't have written me the note, and should have just come over when I got home instead. I didn't even agree with what I was saying, but I was just trying to end the conversation and move on. 

     "Then let's write her a note of our own, telling her what we think of her!" Jessica suggested, and I knew I would never let them write something mean to Pamela. 


     "I'll write it," I said, knowing that I could keep it from being unkind. We all sat down. I got out a pencil and paper, and proceeded to write the stupidest thing I've ever written. My note said something like this:


Dear Pamela, Next time you want to visit, just call me or come over. If you write a note, it could accidentally hurt my feelings by mistake. See you later. Janelle

     It was pretty stupid, writing a note to tell someone not to write a note. It wasn't a mean note, as you can see, but it was really dumb. Andrea and Jessica kept reading over my shoulder, and threw out things they wanted me to put in, but I didn't use any of their ideas. 

     "Now let's go give it to her!" Jessica exclaimed as we saw Pamela and her company strolling down the street.
 
     Even though the note I wrote wasn't mean, it was really idiotic. And I am sure it looked mean to Pamela to see five girls run up to her and hand her a note. As we walked away, Jessica, Andrea, Lindsay and Sarah all laughed, and I'm sure that made it worse. I felt really nervous and bad about it. 


     "That'll show her!" Andrea laughed as we got back to my garage. 


     About ten minute later, Pamela walked up my driveway. "My mom wants to talk to you," she told me. 


     "Dum-de-dum-dum-DUM!" Jessica laughed, indicating that I was really in trouble now. I hoped I wasn't, but I was nervous. I kind of knew it was wrong of me to write the note to Pamela. 
I followed Pamela to her house on the corner. My four "friends" stayed behind in my garage, laughing. 
As soon as I got inside Pamela's house, her mother lit into me. She raged at me in a way that I think was way out of proportion. However, I had been mean to her daughter. Worse, I had let myself be pressured into it. And I didn't even do it to be cool or accepted. I did it to end an argument. I was tired of fighting and took the path of least resistance. I was wrong. I had sinned against God and Pamela. 

     Pamela's mother told me I was never allowed to visit with Pamela again. Pamela burst into tears, and I felt horrible. Fighting tears myself, I said, "I have to go home for dinner!" and ran out the front door. 

     Back in my garage, the four girls were making fun of Pamela. 


     "I think you guys should go home," I told them. 


     "It's a free country," Jessica challenged. 


     "But it's my parent's property," I glared at her. I was furious. They had gotten me in trouble, and didn't even care! They were still intent on being mean to Pamela. 


     "Janelle!" My dad's voice boomed around the corner just before he appeared in the garage. "Pamela's mother just called. You're grounded!" 


     "Ooooh!" The other girls all laughed as they excused themselves. Some friends. 


     Both of my parents yelled at me for the next hour, telling me what I already knew, I had been wrong to give into peer pressure. 


     "I wish I could keep Pamela's note," My dad told me. "And make you read it every day for the rest of your life!" 


     I shuddered at the thought of this incident following me all my life. I pictured myself as an elderly woman, still reading Pamela's note and feeling guilty, 


     After about an hour, my parents calmed down and left me to my own guilt. As I sat there, I realized that the next day would be a new year, 1992, and I wanted that year to be different. I wanted to make the right kinds of choices. To honor God, and hang out with good friends who encouraged me to do what was right.
 
     I never hung out with Andrea or Jessica again. My friendships with Lindsay and Sarah waned as well (though, interesting side-note, my sister ended up buying Sarah's bicycle from her at a garage sale, so we had matching bikes).  Pamela's mother got over her anger in a few days, and Pamela began to come over again (I was too scared to set foot in their house for a while). 

That last day of 1991 was a turning point in my life. I saw what peer pressure really is. It's a lie. It promises more than it gives. What I learned is that it is NOT WORTH IT I resolved to do right, and by God's grace, I've done my best.

Save this Date

    What influenced you in your formative years?  What influenced your generation?  What had an impact?  Do you have regrets about what impacted you or others?

     I believe we don't always know how easily influenced we are.  Things impact our thinking, the vocabulary we use, and the way we conduct ourselves in situations...and we don't even realize it.  Popular culture, politics, music, sports, etc. all have a part.  But we can draw the line at any point and decide we disagree with these influences and no longer wish to be impacted by them.  Other influences are harder to separate ourselves from.

     I grew up as a Christian in the 80s and 90s.  As such, there were a lot of fun and godly books, movies and audio that impacted me, and these things still nostalgically warm my heart today.
 

     These are just a few fun Christian influences in my life growing up (I was an older teen by the time VeggieTales had their heyday, so that wasn't part of my formative influence).  Adventures in Odyssey is still around, and I'm still a fan.  My husband and I listen to them during car trips and have a blast!  All of these things were a positive backdrop to my life in a happy family, Christian school, close-knit neighborhood, and wonderful church family (with the world's best AWANA club!).

     These and other influences were good, but the only perfect influence is God's word.  This is very important to remember.

     When I was in junior high, I had a boyfriend in my church youth group.  Being a romantic young girl, I fantasized about him proposing to me.  He liked me, but I'm sure a marriage proposal was the furthest thing from his mind!   As we were starting high school, I began to get a glimpse of God's calling on my life into evangelism.  The boyfriend didn't share this, nor was he a particularly strong believer.  I distanced myself from him as God led me onward.  A few months into our freshman year, circumstances beyond either of our control separated us.  I realized how dumb it was to have a boyfriend when I had no control of my life yet.  I determined not to date until I was 18 and out if high school.  I reasoned that by then, I'd have a better idea of where God was leading me, and I'd be ready for adult decisions.  This was the right choice for me.  Not perfect.  Not foolproof.  Just right for me.

    I wasn't the only one drawing this conclusion in the mid-90s.  This personal decision of mine came at a time when the Christian community was involved in purity movements.  A very influential book came out when I was about 16, entitled I Kissed Dating Goodbye, by Joshua Harris.  All my Christian friends were reading it.  I bought a copy at the Christian bookstore and did the same.

     This book had some good points, but wasn't particularly monumental to me.  I already had my convictions in place, and was shocked when some elevated this book almost to the level of scripture.  I felt author Joshua Harris (who was only 21 years old, and single) had holes in some of his theories.  There were implications that dating someone you didn't end up married to made you damaged goods and incapable of being a good spouse.  Where was the redemption in this?  The idea almost felt like, "The first person I date had better be the one I marry or I've really failed."  This put a lot of stress on my generation of young adults.  Also, this book said not to date, but didn't really give any advice about when you were ready for a relationship.  As a result, there was a lot of confusion about the right way to act toward fellow believers of the opposite sex.  A lot of emphasis was put on proper form without necessarily the right heart attitude.  With dating taken away as an option, a lot of passive-aggressive games began taking place between Christian men and women.

     I've alluded to this before, but on a mission trip I went on at age 18, I met a guy who showed an interest immediately.  He was 22, and by that point I was at an age where I felt ready to have a relationship with a Christian man.  I gave him too much credit for being as mature as I was...which he wasn't.  Right away, he tried to impress me with his "True Love Waits" purity paraphernalia.  But all it was to him was a slogan, because he began to act very impure toward me.  The whole emphasis was on sex.  He talked about marriage, but even in that, the focus was on sex, not love.  I became a bit disgusted.  One night, in a moment of weakness, he came onto me way too strongly, and I ran.  I assume he was ashamed, because he wouldn't look at me after this.  It was stupid and humiliating.  His purity stuff obviously meant nothing to him.

     After this, seeing so much hypocrisy, I was very turned off of I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Josh Harris' methods.  It seemed like legalism that had no power to produce life change.

     A few years later, when I was about 20, Joshua Harris wrote another book, entitled Boy Meets Girl, sharing how he had met his wife.  He introduced the idea of courtship.  By this point, the courtship culture had taken over Christianity.  I could never get a straight answer as to what it exactly was.

     If courtship is dating intentionally, with marriage as the goal, then I agree completely, but don't care for the term.  People get really hung up on words.  As a single, I believed in intentional dating, and would still encourage singles to do it now. I called it dating, though, not courting.  However, I heard people describe courtship as arranged marriages, or other definitions that sound odd in Western culture.  Many people who talk about courtship mean that, even though the man and woman are both adults, their parents have to be involved in everything.  I know my parents had no desire for that kind of involvement.  They raised me to make good decisions and follow the Lord.  They wanted to support me and advise me, but not manage me.  I've heard people use the phrase "Biblical Courtship."  To me, it's a joke.  There are some love stories in the Bible (my two favorites being Isaac and Rebekah, and Boaz and Ruth).  However, none of these stories shared any sort of formula for relationships.  There is no command in the Bible about how to date/court.  The common denominator between these biblical love stories was the Sovereign hand of God in their lives, and their faith and obedience.  To me, the big takeaway is that in ALL areas of our lives, we are to walk with God, trusting and obeying Him, and letting Him work in and through us.  Everyone's story is different.  God doesn't give us a blueprint model to follow.

     The Bible does give us guidelines.  Purity is important.  But the way it was done in the 90s actually put more of an emphasis on sex.  Our emphasis should be on the Lordship of Christ---in ALL areas.  I believe both of Joshua Harris' books had some good, but much legalism.  It was like they were giving a formula to follow in order to get a dream marriage and sex life.  I now hear it called the "sexual prosperity gospel."  We are never promised these things.  What we ARE promised is better--God's presence, fullness of joy, His will for our lives, treasures in Heaven, and so much more!

     I came to the point early on that most books on the subject were unnecessary.  As believers, all we need is God's word, the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and the accountability of trusted friends.

     I didn't give Joshua Harris any thought for many years.  He went on with his life as a husband and father. I hear he became a pastor on the East Coast, until 2015, when he went back to seminary.  I didn't hear about him until 2017, when my husband excitedly told me that Joshua Harris had recanted I Kissed Dating Goodbye.  My husband suffered much more than I did as a result of that book's cult following, which was why he was so thrilled.  Joshua Harris even made a documentary about it, in which he talked to people who were hurt by his message and it's effect on Christian culture.  He expressed humility, and seemed to have grown in the Lord beyond his legalism.  He didn't appear to be denying every word he had written.  He claimed to still believe the biblical truths, just not the places he had added to God's truth in a way.  I was encouraged he had grown, as we all do.  I had my own misplaced zeal about things at 21 myself (if we are honest, we probably all did).  Again, I moved on without much thought of him.
     

   You can imagine my shock and sadness In the last few days when Joshua Harris again made headlines.  On July 19, he announced that he was leaving his wife of 20 years.  A week later (July 26) he confessed to not actually being a Christian. 

     What?!  This influential voice to my generation is not only walking away from his message (possibly a good thing), but from his wife and faith?  How does this stuff happen?  I am genuinely grieved.

     I'm going to close in a minute with a letter an old ministry friend of Josh's wrote to him, because it expresses what I feel about this.  But the big takeaway for me is this: all we need is the Bible.  Books can be good and encouraging, but we have to be so careful not to follow every wind of doctrine that blows through (Ephesians 4:14).  It isn't all good.  We need to be careful who we follow.  We need to take people's views with a grain of salt, not follow them like a new gospel.  Legalism is deadly, even if it looks godly and holy.

   
Josh,
My first memory of you was in Olympia, Washington standing in my driveway as a grinning kid when you were about nine years old. I saw you many times as your dad and I spoke at many conferences over the years.
How can I forget that meeting in the lobby of a hotel in Rochester, New York when you told me you had signed a book deal for “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”? I told you it was a bad title and wouldn’t sell. Of course, it outsold everything I have ever written by a wide margin.
The last time I saw you was at your dear mother’s funeral. (I can’t recall if you were at your brothers’ graduation from Patrick Henry College.)
We knew each other very well for many years. And I loved you like a younger brother. And still do.
I don’t think I can reach you in private and what you have said and done is very public, so I am reaching out to you in this way.
You have walked away from your marriage. That’s not right. You have walked away from your faith in Christ. That’s even worse.
This says nothing about Jesus and a great deal about you.
Jesus told us there would be false prophets and teachers among us. Your story doesn’t invalidate Christ’s message because He predicted that people would do exactly what you have done. I just didn’t expect it would ever be you.
I do commend you for the intellectual integrity for recognizing that your secondary views (embracing the LGBT agenda, etc.) are utterly inconsistent with Christianity—as is your view that it is ok to walk away from your marriage for the reasons you have stated. Both of these proved that you had renounced Christianity before you said so publicly.
My heart aches for you in so many ways. It seems that you thought that Christianity was a series of formulas. Formulas for marriage. Formulas for systematic theology. Fear of choosing the wrong formula. Fear of failing to live up to your formula.
You know that I believe in the general approach to courtship that made you famous and pretty rich. You included the story of my oldest daughter and her husband in your second book.
I still believe that purity of mind and body before marriage is the right ideal. But it is not a formula for a happy marriage. It is simply a guiding principle that has to be applied with wisdom, grace, and often forgiveness.
I would never reach this conclusion about you on my own but what you have said yourself can be fairly summarized as this: you thought your faith and your marriage were based on formulas. They never went deeper than that.
Jesus says about people like you that in the last judgment, He will say, “Depart from me, I never knew you.”
You know that this means you never actually knew Him.
As immersed as you were in Christian culture and a career as a pastor, you never actually knew Jesus.
It gives me only heart ache to say these things to you. And Jesus will take no pleasure in pronouncing those words in judgment of you or anyone.
You haven’t walked away from a relationship with Jesus. You have walked away from the culture you were raised in.
Jesus still loves you at this moment. And so do I and countless others. And I will love you no matter what in the days ahead. But my love is tinged in deep sadness.
Josh, you and your story are not the measure of the validity of Christianity.
Jesus is real. He doesn’t want you to return to your prior formulas. He wants you to come to Him for the first time and learn to love.
I am praying for you, Josh.
With love and sorrow.
Mike Farris

Still, Small Voice...or Clanging Brass?

     "Sometimes, you don't know how crooked your path has become until you compare it to a straight path."  I wrote those words in my journal on March 10, 2002.

Missionary school evangelism team, 2002.  I am at left (only female pictured).  

      At the time, I was at missionary college in Missouri, shortly before graduation.  I wasn't completely sure where God wanted me, or what I was supposed to be doing.  There were several things I hoped He was doing (one of them involving a young man who was very interested in me, but also very troubled), and I had begun using the Bible more like a crystal ball than God's divine word, trying to get answers.  I read every verse as if it were some sort of confirmation that things were working out the way I wanted them to.  If the Holy Spirit was trying to warn me, I wasn't listening. 

     I realized my error after some things I had thought would happen didn't happen (this guy showing his true colors was a big part of it).  I realized that I had been in error.  I was wrong.  I had read Divine workings into things that were genuinely coincidences (I know we're not supposed to believe in coincidences, and I usually don't...more about that a little later).  I was humbled by this experience, realizing that I needed to be back on the right track with God, reading His word for what it was and hearing His voice (not superimposed by my own desires).  I repented, and I had precious times with the Lord after this.  

     The scary thing is, those who knew me during this time had no idea I was in error in my thinking, because my path hadn't gotten that crooked yet.  I was using the right Christian wording in talking about things, and people just took it as a given that I was in God's will about this stuff, when in fact, I wasn't.  Sometimes, being just a little bit off is more dangerous than being a lot off.  By this, I mean that, if you are very far from where you should be, you know it, and so does everyone around you.  If you're just a little bit wrong, you might not realize it, nor do those around you who might be able to help you.  On the flip side, it is easier to correct a mistake when it's slight than when it is major...if you catch it in time.  I'm thankful that I did, by God's grace.

     We are human.  We can't see God's face or hear him audibly.  It is very easy for us to mistake our own thoughts, emotions, etc. as God's leading.  God understands this.  He is also able to get through to us in a way we'll understand, as He did for me.  

     One of the things I had said repeatedly in regards to the ways I incorrectly thought God was working was, "I just have a faith about it."  I learned the hard lesson that faith is only as powerful as its object.  The only infallible object of our faith is God Himself.  Not a person, not circumstances, not ourselves.  And certainly not faith.  Faith can't be an object of itself.  It has to be in someone or something.  I thought about this as I graduated from missionary school and returned to the Los Angeles metro area, where I was from, and began my home missions work. 

     In the months that followed, as I humbly let God lead me, I saw Him do amazing things.  I was emotionally and spiritually fragile, largely because of the situation with the young man, but I took joy in God's presence like never before.  Psalm 46:1 says, "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."  That's how He was.  I was the subject of a lot of gossip in the missionary chain (all related to my broken relationship with this guy).  This was very hard.  I lost friends, and had to change my email address.  I really experienced God as my tower, my refuge, the One I ran to for comfort and protection.  I poured out my heart to God in my journals.  I clung to passages He led me to, promising His comfort and presence.  I remember one time, being in the corner booth of a Carl's Junior restaurant in Los Angeles, crying my eyes out as I journaled, feeling all alone and misunderstood in a city of almost four million, but knowing God understood.  A few people in the restaurant asked me if I was okay, and I gave a pat answer that wasn't a lie but also wasn't vulnerable.  People were kind, but this was something only God could do for me.  My life verse, Romans 8:28, meant more to me than ever, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, who are the called according to His purpose."  I constantly had Christian tapes and CD's playing in my car, especially songs based on scripture (as many praise songs were at the time).  One of my favorites contained the chorus: "Lord your love is my everything.  I find all I need in surrendering.  Empty hands I bring, as an offering.  You're my everything.  Everything."  That's what Jesus really became to me.  Philippians 3:10 says, "That I may know Him, and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being made conformable unto His death."  That's what was happening.  Even though I wasn't totally innocent in my sufferings, much of it was unprovoked (where it concerned the betrayal of the missionary boyfriend).  Jesus knew how I felt, because He had been betrayed.  This led me deeper and deeper into the heart of God.

Los Angeles, California.  It is possible to feel all alone in a city of millions of people.  But no one is really alone.

     In the midst of this joy in the Lord, and pain in human contact, I saw so many amazing things.  God used me.  I saw many come to the Lord.  I discipled a new Christian at the time who is now a full-time missionary.  I made lifelong friendships.  There was so much fruit from then, and that would never have happened if I hadn't recommitted myself to walking humbly with God, instead of running ahead of Him.  Micah 6:8 says, "He hath showed thee, O man, what is good, and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with thy God." (Emphasis mine).   I had gotten that straight (though I am far from perfect in carrying it out).  I would say 2002 was a year where I really grew in understanding God's voice.

Here I am pictured (right) with my good friend Heather Dowding Tobias.  This picture was taken in 2016, after she and I were both married and serving the Lord with godly husbands, but we had met that fateful summer of 2002 (she was sixteen, I was twenty), when I was struggling and growing, and she was a brand-new Christian.  We had taught 5-day Bible clubs together, and led many to the Lord.  Heather and her husband have served in both the Philippines and the United States.  They are currently doing ministry in the San Diego area.  Interesting tidbit, Heather and her husband got married the same day Walter and I got engaged.  

     Hearing God's voice correctly has become the most important aspect of the Christian life for me.  It is my passion.  I have known others who have made similar mistakes to the ones I made.

     I had a good friend who called everything a "God thing".  She had several "God things" that turned out not to be.  Like me, she read divine workings into coincidences.  I said I'd touch on that, so here goes.  I believe God is Sovereign over all, and He orchestrates our lives.  However, He is often doing or allowing something vastly different than what we'd think, and we misinterpret circumstances (commonly called coincidences). That misinterpreting of circumstances was what I had done in the past, and that's what this friend was doing.  At one point, she felt God calling her to quit her job and pour her life savings into starting this Christian newspaper.  She made the proof for one edition (never even printed or distributed it), and then gave up and went back to her job.  It isn't up to me to say what God called her to do or not to do, but as someone who has experienced mistaking God's will, it looks like she got excited about an idea and once the excitement wore off, she forgot all about this supposed calling.  This happened constantly with her.  So many "God things" but not a lot of follow-through or disciplined relationship with Jesus.

     Another Christian woman I worked with used to tell me God had called her to do certain things, but then these things wouldn't happen.  The conclusion I drew was that God hadn't called her to do them. Unfortunately, she never drew that conclusion.  She just moved on to her next "calling" without any explanation for why her previous "calling" had been incorrect.  One time, she told me that God had called her to take her thirteen-year-old daughter to a really nice resort for her birthday for some "mom and teen daughter" time.  I think that sounds great, and God could certainly lead someone to do that.  But shortly thereafter, her husband lost some hours at work, reducing their budget, and making this plan at the resort impossible for them.  If God had really called her to do it, it would have been doable.  It might be cliche, but where God guides, He provides.  When this didn't work out, this woman just shrugged it off and moved on.  About a month later, God allegedly called her to something else that didn't end up working out either.  One thing I learned about this woman was that she said "God called me to..." in order to get people to take her ideas seriously.  It was a control thing with her, born out of insecurity.  If things didn't happen the way she claimed they would, she would say that it was spiritual warfare and blame Satan.  According to her, nothing was ever a result of her own mistaking God's voice, or poor planning (which it actually was).  She blamed the devil or other people (often me).  As someone who also made these mistakes in my own experience in 2002, I can honestly and humbly say that it's easy to do that, but it isn't right.  We need to own up to our mistakes and move forward in humility.  We have to be willing to say, "I was wrong."  

     The Bible makes it very clear that the test of a prophet (or someone speaking for God) is that if what they say doesn't happen, they were a false prophet.  It only takes one false prophecy for someone to be a false prophet.  Ezekiel 13:6 says, "They see falsehood and lying divination who are saying, 'The LORD declares,' when the LORD has not sent them; yet they hope for the fulfillment of their word."  That is scary.  In a sense, all of us who have claimed to hear from God when we didn't are false prophets.  The penalty for being a false prophet is death (Deuteronomy 13:5).  I'm so thankful to be living under God's grace and salvation.  The truth is, we all deserve death (Romans 6:23a), but because of what Christ did for us, we can receive eternal life instead (Romans 6:23b).

      There is also the problem of the opposite extreme...

     Several months after my humbling experience, a friend of mine began attending a particular Christian college in Southern California.  I had always heard great things about this school (had even considered going there myself), but as my good friend spent more and more time there, she began to go from a vibrant, joyful Christian to a depressed perfectionist who spoke almost in a monotone.  She went from being an encourager to constantly confronting everyone (myself included) for things that weren't even sin.  She constantly doubted her salvation, yet when I would reach out to encourage her, she would accuse me of being part of certain "movements" I had never heard of.  I would talk to my pastor and my ministry boss (who was also a pastor) and they had never heard of any of these movements either.  Apparently, though, she was constantly being warned about these dangerous movements.  Interestingly, these "movements" were never out there in the world.  They always involved other Christians who held different convictions than their college did, often on obscure issues. As the Internet became more common in the early 2000's, I tried looking up these "movements" and found NOTHING.  They weren't out there.  She became emotionally and spiritually unreachable.  I couldn't figure out what was happening to my long-time friend.  Several decisions she made at that time went against what she had previously believed God called her to do.  When questioned, she said, "God doesn't care about callings.  Just the Bible."  She changed her theology to believe that, as long as something wasn't defined as sin in the Bible, it was okay to do.  According to her, God did have a will for our lives, but that was His business.  He was so Sovereign that He would override all that wasn't His perfect will.  We could do whatever we wanted, with no guidance from the Holy Spirit.  The Bible was infallible, but did not relate to us specifically.  She began loving the Bible itself more than the God of the Bible.  She was a lot like I had been just a few months earlier...just a little bit off, but with enough of the right-sounding words and phraseology to sound like she wasn't off.  This struck a chord with me.  I wasn't sure if this was her, or if it was actually the college itself.  

     Over the years, I have dealt with many people who either attended this college or the very prominent Los Angeles church affiliated with it.  Some of these folks were wonderful people.  Others, though, were like my friend, just a little off, but in a way that sounded so right.  It was hard to put my finger on.  It troubled me deep in my spirit, but I really couldn't fight it.  Technically, there is very little I actually disagree with theologically.  But here's the problem.  All it was was theology.  God speaking to us wasn't in their equation at all.  They would have said I didn't sin back in 2002 when I superimposed my will over God's, because I technically wasn't breaking a commandment.  But I was sinning, and God so lovingly brought me back into deeper fellowship with Him.  This was such an important life lesson.  I want everyone to know God on that level, because it is joy and peace.

     I recently watched a YouTube video put out by people from this church, shedding some light on this.  They were criticizing Christian author Beth Moore for saying that God had spoken to her and led her in certain situations.  They showed clips of Beth Moore talking, but not enough to actually give context.  Maybe I would have agreed with them, but maybe I would have agreed with Beth Moore.  I don't know (these same people questioned Billy Graham's salvation in another video, so I take them with a grain of salt). But what they ended up saying was that God doesn't speak to individuals like that, and that by saying He had spoken to her, Beth Moore was adding to the Bible.  Whoa!  I'm not making any statement for or against Beth Moore at all here.  But these gentlemen are 100% wrong!  Hearing from the Lord is NOT adding to the Bible!  The Bible is our authority.  If we think we're hearing something, we need to make sure it lines up with the Bible.  Anything we get from God, or believe we get from God, needs to be tested.  First John 4:1 says to test the spirits.  First Thessalonians 5:21 says, "Test all things; hold fast to what is good."  The way we test things it to line them up with scripture.  

     After seeing this video, I looked at the church's website.  It has very extensive doctrinal positions.  There is nothing wrong with having positions on issues.  We should.  But to have them stated in such detail on a church website is a bit daunting to me.  There seemed to be little distinction between the essentials of salvation and the non-essentials.  I actually  technically agreed with most of what I read.  They had a section about the Bible.  This also shed light on my friend who attended their college.  They believe that scripture has one interpretation but many applications (I totally agree so far).  But then they said that any application we make from scripture has to apply across the board, not just to the individual.  They don't want the Bible being specifically applied, just generally.  This sounds very much like they want to obey the commands of scripture (a good thing), but not the specific will of the God (a bad thing).  It sounds like they don't believe God speaks to us individually about our lives and situations.  It almost seems like an overreaction to some of the extremes of the charismatic movement.  We should never choose our doctrinal beliefs as a reaction.  Their God sounds more like the Force in Star Wars than a personal God who went to great lengths to have a relationship with His people.  This is the opposite extreme of my friends who called everything a "God thing."  With them, nothing was a God thing.

     I know MANY times when I have really sought the Lord about something, and He answered me through scripture.  The biggest thing I can think of right now goes back to the broken relationship I mentioned from 2002.  After it all ended, and I saw where I'd been wrong in misinterpreting what God was leading me to do, I still struggled with this guy.  A part of me really hoped that in some way, God would bring us back together (so thankful now that didn't happen!).  I really needed closure from the Lord.  I asked God to speak to me about this.  In my quiet time, I happened (by God's divine Providence) to be in First Samuel 16.  Verse one says, "How long will you mourn for Saul, seeing as I have rejected him..."  Immediately upon reading this, God's spirit (who lives in my heart) spoke to me that this was God's answer about this guy.  I needed to move on.  God had rejected him from being the one for me.  I knew God had spoken to me.  God was very specifically leading me.  He does that.  This doesn't mean that that verse is teaching that everyone needs to break up with their boyfriend and move on.  That verse has one meaning.  Samuel was to forget about Saul and anoint a new king (David).  But the application for me right then was unmistakable.  It has to be a work of the Holy Spirit.  Otherwise, we get into using the Bible like a crystal ball, as I did.  This reduces biblical truth to occult practices.

     Along those lines, my husband has shared that when he was in Bible college, several girls there thought that they would find their future husbands by meeting a guy who had the same favorite verse that they did.  That is totally using the Bible like a crystal ball!  It is spiritualizing immaturity.  Not only that, but they were inconsistent.  My husband (who was not my husband back then) one day was chatting casually with a girl, and it came out that they both had the same favorite verse, Matthew 6:33.  This girl's mouth dropped open (obviously thinking, Wow!  I just met my husband), and her friends said, "You don't want him!" And they all walked away.  How rude!  And how unbiblical.

     God wants a personal relationship with us.  If you have a personal relationship with someone, you talk about everything!  God wants us to interact with Him.  He wants us to seek Him.  The cannon of scripture is closed, and we are not to add to it.  However, the Holy Spirit works in our hearts in conjunction with the Bible and prayer.  There are other Christian disciplines as well.  Many times, when I really need to hear from God, or feel led to pray very fervently about something, I fast.  Fasting, like prayer, isn't a way to manipulate God's hand.  It is a way to align ourselves with the will of God and hear Him.  I have never fasted without finding great joy and spiritual riches.  I also never do it unless I believe the Holy Spirit is leading me to do it.  It's all really about surrender.

     I'm going to close with my favorite verse to the Chris Tomlin song Good Good Father.  I wish very much this song had existed years ago when I was crying at Carl's Junior in Los Angeles, but it was written thirteen years later, when I was happily in God's will with my husband and in ministry.  I believe these words reflect the heart of God in desiring us to go deeper in relationship with Him:

Oh, it's love so undeniable
I, I can hardly speak
Peace so unexplainable
I, I can hardly think

As you call me deeper still
As you call me deeper still
As you call me deeper still
Into love, love, love

The Unsaved Christian

     The title of this post is an oxymoron, isn't it?  If someone is a Christian, they aren't unsaved, and if they're unsaved, they're not a Christian.  I borrowed it from a book of the same title that I just finished reading.  The oxymoron was what grabbed me, leading me to buy it and read.  This book was about "cultural Christianity" that exists in the United States.  It was written by Dean Inserra, a pastor in Tallahassee, Florida.  You can purchase it here.  As a nation founded on Christian beliefs, it is still culturally the norm to claim Christianity to be our faith.  Some people who call themselves Christians never take the time to read the Bible or go to church, but know they should, and they know they're not Muslim or any other religion, so they claim to be Christians.  This country is full of such people, and to those of us who really know the Lord, it is a wide-open mission field--where there are no cultural barriers to overcome, no theological disagreements to work through, and everything to gain!

     We may tend to think of this as something more prevalent in the Deep South, where it is "cool" to believe in Jesus.  However, I have seen it all over the United States.  In 2001, I went on a mission trip to Boston, probably the least "Bible Belt" you can get in this country.  My teammate and I did a lot of backyard Bible clubs, but we also did open-air evangelism.  We would try to engage people in conversations about Jesus, and they'd cut us off tell us they were "all set".  My teammate was from Nevada and I was from California, and neither of us had heard this phrase before.  Upon deeper discussion with these folks, we came to see that this expression meant, "I'm okay with God just as I am."  It wasn't a claim of atheism or secular humanism.  It was a claim to be right with God...on their terms, not the Bible's.  So, even in the seemingly most secular areas, this sense of being right with God apart from the Cross of Christ is prevalent.  I have run into this in every state I have visited.  My home state of California is the biggest enigma.  There are parts of it that are almost as "Bible Belt" as Mississippi, and other parts not very far away that are as spiritually cool as Boston.  In any event, there are people all over who think they're okay with God when they really aren't.  This is a deep challenge to me as an American Christian.

     The Bible is clear that there is only one way to be right with God.  Jesus said in John 14:6, "I am the way, the truth, and the life.  No one comes to the Father, except through Me."  All of humanity is under the bondage of sin.  Romans 3:10 says, "There is none righteous, no not one."  Romans 3:23 says, "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."  Most people would agree that "nobody's perfect."  Few would have trouble admitting that they have sinned.  Here is where many get stuck.  They don't think God would dare punish their sins.  However, Romans 6:23 tells us the implications of our sins.  "For the wages of sin is death..."  Our sin offends a holy God.  He cannot allow sin into His presence.  By our sin, we earn death.  Not just physical death, but separation from God for all eternity.  But, in His love, God didn't want to leave us there, which is why He sent His Only begotten Son to die for us.  The second half of Romans 6:23 gives us the solution to our sin problem.  "...but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."  Because of Jesus' death on our behalf, we can be made right with God.  Ephesians 2:8-9 says, "For by grace you have been saved, through faith, and this is not your own doing, it is the gift of God, not a result of works so that no one may boast."  There you have it.  The gospel.  We are sinful.  God had to punish sin, but didn't want to punish us, so His only Son took the penalty for our sins on the cross, rising on the third day, making it possible for us to come to God through faith and repentance.  This is the gospel.  Any message short of this is a false gospel.  

     Some Christians in this country take pride in coming from a certain region.  I've met Bible Belt believers (not just in the South, but in pockets of this country that are more Conservative and prone toward Christianity) who brag about their area.  "The stores close on Sundays.  There are no dirty billboards.  Everyone goes to church, even if they were partying the night before and have a hangover. People dress up for church.  If you made a dirty joke, no one would even get it.  Even the druggies tithe."  Some of this is a joke, but I hear people say these kinds of things, as if it's something to be proud of.  It is true that God has standards, and it works better when society follows God's ways.  However, coming from a more seemingly wholesome area doesn't reflect anything about individual people.  There is no room for pride in the Christian's life.  Galatians 6:14 says, "May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ..."  All of us come to God through Christ.  We had nothing to offer, not the area we come from, not our values, not our morality.  Sometimes, Christians that come from harder areas are stronger because of all they've been up against.  There are true believers everywhere on earth.  God always has a remnant (Romans 11:5).  I have met some of the most godly people in places like Boston and San Francisco.  And the truth is, even if an area doesn't seem as depraved, that doesn't mean it isn't.  Remember Romans 3:23.  All have sinned.  Society--any society--consists of a group of sinners living and working in close proximity.  There are bound to be troubles.  Besides, stores closing on Sundays or failure to comprehend a dirty joke doesn't equal being right with God.  That's not the gospel.  I stated the gospel above. It is our sin, God's holiness, Christ's provision, and our response of faith and repentance.  There is nothing in there about being wholesome or moral.  These things can even be barriers if they cause people to fail to see their own sin and need of a Savior.  Just as bad, it can also cause Christians to fail to see the seriousness of their unsaved friends' plight.  We may rationalize, "They're probably Christians.  They put up a Nativity scene on their lawn last Christmas and they make it to church when they can."  But again, these things aren't the gospel, and they don't make people right with God.  We need to make sure our friends know the real gospel, not just "good old American values."  It is urgent!  We decry moral decay in our society, but do we decry the plight of all people without Christ?  

     Do you have friends who ascribe to good, wholesome, moral values, but have never repented of their sins and taken Jesus' death for themselves?  I do.  One of my very dearest friends fits this category.  I have shared the gospel with her many times, as well as taken her to an evangelistic crusade.  She pleasantly agrees with all of it, but doesn't see her own need.   It will take a work of the Holy Spirit to show her the true need to trust Christ for herself.  May we as American Christians see the mission God has given us.  It is tremendously easier, as well as tremendously harder, than sneaking Bibles into communist countries or preaching as sermon in an Islamic nation.  This is our battle.