8 Books that Have Changed my Life

     God works in mysterious ways.  He sovereignly uses people, circumstances and other things in our lives to get us where we need to be.  Romans 8:28 (my life verse) states, And we know all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.   If we follow this passage through verse 29 to verse 30, we discover that the ultimate destination is Christlikeness in the believer's life.  God is constantly working for our good, to make us the people He wants us to be, and to be in the plans He has for our lives.  I often think of the different people He has used in my life.  I have had great friends and mentors.  Some of the people He has used, however, have been those who have never met me, and may have no idea God used them to impact me.  Some haven't even lived in the same time as me, but their writings have had a part of God's work in my life.  What books have impacted you?  What has God used in your life?  I am going to share the eight books that God has used in my life, both to make me more like Jesus, and to lead my life to where He wanted me to be (the Bible is obviously the greatest Book, being God's only true word, but I am not including it here, because it is in a league of its own)!  The first four are nonfiction, and the second four are fiction.  

     As a quick disclaimer, I will say that it is not necessary to agree with every point a certain author makes in order to love and glean from their book.  In sharing about and recommending these books, I am not claiming that to always agree 100% with everything they might say.  It is okay to think critically and have a different view than an author you might really respect.  As always, compare any teaching to the Bible!  That is always going to be our authority!

Non-Fiction

Heart Hunger--Letting God Meet Your Emotional Needs, by Cindi McMenammin

     I found this book on an obscure shelf at a Christian bookstore in 2002.  I was twenty years old, serving full-time in ministry at a neck-breaking pace, and dealing with heartache.  I had just been dumped by a boyfriend I had thought I would marry.  Many people I did my ministry with were on his side, and were very condemning of me.  Every day was a battle back then.  I got up with a heaviness in my chest, and sometimes didn't know how I would go forward.  There were some spiritual victories going on in my ministry that I had no idea about until later, which explained all the spiritual attacks I encountered.  This book was republished a year later in 2003 as simply Letting God Meet Your Emotional Needs.  It is about what the title implies.  God alone can fulfill any of us.  Trying to get that from other people, experience, or anything else in this world will leave us empty.  It will wear out our loved ones if we are depending on them to fulfill us.  They simply cannot, but when we let God do that, we are fulfilled, and then are free to love and enjoy others without expecting anything in return.  That time back in 2002, reading this book, and going deeper with the Lord, was one of the hardest times, but also one of the most precious times in my life.  This book prepared me to be the right kind of wife for my husband (it isn't a marriage/dating book at all, but the principles apply to every relationship you could have).  You can order the book here.

Experiencing God, by Henry Blackaby, Richard Blackaby, Claud V. King

     This book was originally published in 1994, and has been updated and expanded over the years.  I read the first 1994 edition of it in 1999.  A gentleman in our church introduced it to us, and led a study.  I was a senior in high school at the time, and I believe it was in God's Divine Providence and Sovereignty that I read that book at that time.  It really firmed up my theology before it was tested in the years that followed, as well as made my calling clear to me.  In fact, my husband and I more recently read a newer edition of it, and God used that to lead us into the ministry we are currently in.  This book talks about how what God wants most is a love relationship with the people He created.  Loving and knowing Him in a personal way is more important than His plan for us (though He does have a plan for us).  As we obey His leading in our lives and see Him work, we come to know Him by experience.  God's will for our lives is really a smaller part of His overall will for the world.  We join Him where He is working.  This book talks about the ways God speaks to us.  It is a very biblical book, with many scriptural references and citations for every point they make.   One of the ways my theology was tested as a college student was that I met believers who saw God as a theological concept more than a loving creator who wanted to work in our lives.  When I shared with a certain friend of this persuasion a way God had led me in a certain decision I was making, this friend told me that God doesn't lead us today the way He did in the Bible, and that God doesn't speak to us or work in our lives.  This friend (and many others I knew at the time) believed that the Bible was an infallible guidebook, and that we needed to obey the claims and commands found in it, but did not have personal implication for the specifics of our lives.  The only people who find joy in those types of beliefs are those who don't want to be surrendered to the Lord in the specific areas of their lives, but still want to technically obey the Bible.  These people believed that applying scripture personally to our lives was equivalent to creating new doctrine or even a new religion.  I was labeled as a heretic by these people, and even compared to Joseph Smith (the founder of Mormonism), simply because I prayed to the Lord for an answer to something I was going through, and God led me to the answer in my personal Bible study that day.   Experiencing God had given me the foundation I needed to refute these believers who believed in a less personal God than the one of the Bible.  Sometimes, there is a fine line between being open to the leading of the Spirit and being open to error.  This book will really help to share the right view of hearing God's voice, loving God, obeying God, seeing God work in your life, and at the same time, rightly dividing the word of truth (Second Timothy 2:15).  You can purchase this book here.

Standing Firm, by Dan Quayle

     This book is autobiographical, written by former Vice President Dan Quayle.  Mostly, he is recounting his four years in the nation's second-highest office.  Because this occurred in my lifetime (while I was growing up), I enjoyed reading about it from his perspective.  As Quayle is a conservative evangelical Christian, his insights are valuable as well.  He even shares his testimony of coming to salvation as a teenager.  However, even these things aren't why I say this book changed my life.  God used it at a very specific time.  I was in the process of stepping out of a particular ministry I had been a part of.  Some unfortunate things had occurred, and I would have been within my rights to speak up about them.  Some might have said I would have been right to burn bridges.  I was seriously planning to do that, when God brought this book to me.  I read it for sentimental reasons (I grew up when this was going on), but one particular quote he made after losing reelection in 1992 made me stop in my tracks and evaluate what God wanted me to do in my situation.  The quote was as follows: How you leave is important, especially if you're thinking of coming back.  God really impressed this lesson on my heart like a lightening bolt.  I needed to leave this ministry graciously, because God just might lead me back into it one day...and He did!  I'm so glad I headed the advice of this book and exited graciously.  There are many other nuggets of wisdom in this book as well, from one of the most underrated men in recent American politics.  I think former Vice-President Quayle has a good balance of humility and honesty in some of the unjust ways he was viewed and treated, and his attitude was a challenge to me.   You can order this book here.

God's Smuggler, by Brother Andrew

     Originally published in 1967, this book is also autobiographical.  It is the story of a Dutch missionary named Andrew van der Bijl, known as Brother Andrew.  As a young man, Andrew found his parent's Christian faith dull and unsatisfying.  He longed for something more to fulfill his life.  He soon had the opportunity to find adventure as a soldier fighting in Indonesia.  During his time in the Dutch army, he did many things he was ashamed of, and did not find that fulfillment he was looking for.  Not only did the Dutch lose this war (thus losing power over Indonesia), but Andrew was wounded in battle.  His adventure had gone sour.  Would he ever have a fulfilling life?  The answer was a very unexpected yes.  Upon returning home, he found the Lord, and a new sense of purpose.  Through each step along the way, God led his life and showed him clearly what to do.  Every time something happened, Andrew's faith in the Lord grew, and prepared him for the next test.  From almost running out of money while in missionary school in Scotland, to ministering to unlikely people, to seeing God provide for his needs and heart's desires, Andrew saw God at work in his life, and cultivated a personal relationship with Him.  I love that this book emphasizes a personal relationship with God, not just a theological idea about Him.  Andrews journey with the Lord eventually took him into Communist countries at the height of the Cold War.  There are points when this book reads like a spy novel!  He had many close calls with government agents, and many opportunities to bring his Christian witness to unexpected people.  Even though there is no relation, I consider this book to be a perfect companion to Experiencing God.  Andrew lived the principles taught in that book, and we get to see the result.  The way God worked in Andrew's life is the same as I have seen Him work in mine.  At one point in the story, Andrew faces a crisis of faith. After having left his job at a Chocolate Factory to pursue missions, he had to decide what He believed about God.  Was God an impersonal force who no longer spoke to His people today, or was He a living God who wanted to lead and guide?  Here is a quote from the book on this:  ...if [God] were a King in name only, I would rather go back to the chocolate factory. I would remain a Christian, but I would know that my religion was only a set of principles, excellent and to be followed, but hardly demanding devotion. Suppose on the other hand that I were to discover God to be a Person, in the sense that He communicated and cared and loved and led. That was something quite different. That was the kind of King I would follow into any battle.  I have learned this lesson right along with Andrew.  You can order this amazing book here.

Fiction

This Present Darkness, by Frank Peretti

     Now we move into fictional books that have been life-changing for me.  Don't ever underestimate the impact of fictional books.  Stories can teach us very real truths at a time when we're not so on our guard.  This Present Darkness (as well as its sequel Piercing the Darkness) is a very powerful read.  We see a pastor of a struggling congregation and a curious newspaper editor coming up against strange forces of evil in a small town.  As the readers, we are given the vantage point of being able to see not only the physical world of these characters, but also the angelic and demonic warriors at war.  While this is a work of fiction, and we can't build theology from it, it is a very strong reminder that there is a battle between good and evil--God and Satan--angels and demons--going on around us all the time.  If we just make judgments about things from what we can see, we will miss out on what is really happening.  As Christians, we are equipped to fight in these battles.  There is sufficient scripture to support the idea of spiritual battles.  Peretti is not making claims that this is exactly how spiritual warfare happens.  He is simply writing a fictional account of how it could happen.  Having read this book multiple times (most recently listened to the audio version with my husband on a long car trip), I think I am more aware of the battle.  I am less likely to see people as the enemy, because I'm reminded who the real enemy is...and whose side I'm really fighting for!  This book is a very exciting page-turning!  You can order it here.

And the Shofar Blew, by Francine Rivers

     This novel is about church corruption, betrayal, and redemption.  Centerville Christian Church is a small congregation in Central California that is a little beyond its prime.  Ten years ago, the members were out sharing the gospel, bringing new people into the church.  Sunday school was full.  Ministries abounded.  Fellowship flourished.  Families and friends were close.  Now, the elderly had passed on, the middle-aged had become elderly, and the younger families had moved to towns with more job opportunities.  The church is at the end of its spiritual rope.  Things can't seem to get worse, when the pastor of forty years has heart failure and must retire.  The few remaining members consider closing down, but instead call a young man fresh out of seminary to be their new pastor.  Enter Paul Hudson.  Paul is initially humble.  He has a supportive wife, Eunice, and a preschool-aged son.  This family seems like the answer to the church's need.  Over time, Paul grows the youth group and brings in families.  Ministry again seems to be flourishing...but at a cost.  Paul has some unresolved insecurities, and is influenced by his need for approval from his father, who pastors a Los Angeles megachurch.  We see Paul's struggles, the church politics, the temptations, the tensions, and the battle between good and evil.  We see the corruption cause hurts to the Body, and godly people are shamed.  I relate so much to this, because I have been through church abuse in my life.  Reading this book helps me to appreciate what those in leadership may be struggling with, and also validates some of my experiences.  When I experienced the church abuse in the 90's, I had no frame of reference that these things actually happen.  There was no Internet back then to help compare stories with others.  It was more common for people in that time to stuff their feelings instead of expressing them.  I was only a high schooler at the time as well, and hadn't lived long enough to realize that things like this can happen in ministry.  Sometimes, churches can be so into reaching "the unchurched" that they fail to have biblical integrity or to minister to their own.  In this book, we see some people having moral failures, and others choosing to do right in the face of overwhelming temptations.  Such a reminder of the battle.  I was overall glad with the ending, but there were some aspects that were not quite satisfying to me, and that is how it often is in real life.  This book is a great commentary on church culture.  You can order this in-depth book here.

Julia's Last Hope, by Janette Oke

     This is a story about losing one's life to find it (Mark 10:39).  Janette Oke is known for writing 19th century romance stories.  Many of her books have been made into Hallmark Movies.  The Hallmark TV show When Calls the Heart is also based on Oke's writing (though many liberties were taken).  This book, a less well-known one by Oke, has more depth.  What I appreciate about everything I have read by Janette Oke is that she always has the Gospel clearly presented in her stories, so an unsaved person reading it could understand and known what he/she had to to in order to be saved.  However, some of her stories don't really seem to have any depth for the believer.  This book breaks that mold.  Julia's Last Hope is different from all other book in that:

1) It is not a romance (it is about a family, though the love between husband and wife is present).

2) It has a plot that keeps the reader wondering and engaged all the way to the last chapter.

3) It has an unexpected ending.

4) The characters learn various lessons through each phase in their experience.

The basic plot is: the Harrigan family lives in Calder Springs, a small town in the Canadian Rocky Mountains.  John Harrigan works for the lumber mill, the town's only real industry.  He and his wife Julia are devout Christians, along with their teenage twin daughters.  The Harrigan family has led a pleasant life in Calder Springs, deeply involved in their church and community.  One day, it is announced that the mill is going to close.  Calder Springs will become a ghost town, and the houses will have no resale value.  Julia Harrigan rallies the town women together to try to see what can be done to save the town and life they all love.  They seek to make their struggling little city into a resort town.  Several adventures ensue as guests come to Calder Springs--from spoiled brats to thrill-seekers, from criminals on the lam to sinners seeking to hide their transgressions.  The Harrigans have the opportunity to grow in faith and be a witness at every turn.  Difficult decisions must be made, but nothing ever done in this journey is a waste.  I am reminded that nothing done in faith is ever in vain, and that God is always at work in all of our circumstances.  I'm also struck by the way the townsfolk deal with the losses they experience, because I have been there (I've never lived in a ghost town, but I have seen a church I loved dwindle from a thriving congregation to a shell of its former self, and I've seen neighbors move away and the community change).  Sometimes, losing is still winning, because of everything you glean from the journey.  You can order this book here.

 The Magician's Nephew, by C.S. Lewis

     For the record, I highly recommend all of the Chronicles of Narnia series, by C.S. Lewis.  I used to conduct an evangelism team for junior high students in California.  Between ministry assignments, we would read this series as a group together, and really enjoyed it.  This particular book was the agreed-upon favorite.  All of the books in the series are allegorical of the Christian life.  The first book written, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe portrays the gospel, while the other six books portray different biblical concepts.  The Magician's Nephew is about creation, sin entering into the world, and the promise of redemption.  There are elements of faith involved, where the protagonist, Digory, must choose to trust Aslan (the Christlike character), even in the midst of seeming to have what his heart most desires if he disobeys.  When he victoriously chooses right, Aslan praises him and says, "Well done, son of Adam.  For this fruit you have hungered and thirsted and wept. No hand but yours shall sow the seed of the Tree that is to be the protection of Narnia. Throw the apple towards the river bank where the ground is soft."  It is a reminder of the reward that ultimately awaits us when we do God's will...even if we don't initially see the results.  It's living in faith that we will one day hear Jesus say "Well done."  There have been times that I needed that reminder that I'm on the right track in living by faith.  Sometimes, I have felt God met me in this book.  Another sobering quote is: Oh Adam's sons, how cleverly you defend yourselves against all that might do you good.  This quote has reminded me several different times that God wanted me to step out in faith, instead of letting fear keep me away from what God had in store for me.  A final quotation from this book that I will share is a reminder of the joy that waits beyond this life, and that God just occasionally lets us experience now--what I call a "prelude to Heaven."  And all at once (they never knew exactly how it happened) the face seemed to be a sea of tossing gold in which they were floating, and such a sweetness and power rolled over them that they felt they had never really been happy or wise or good, or even alive and awake before. And the memory of that moment stayed with them always, so that as long as they both lived, if ever they were sad or afraid or angry, the thought of all that golden goodness, and the feeling that it was still there, quite close, just around the corner or just behind some door, would come back and make them sure, deep down inside, that all was well.  I have had some experiences with the Lord where He let me experience just a little bit of that joy that only He can give.  If we lived in that constant state of bliss, we wouldn't do anything for the kingdom while we're here on earth.  God just seems to give us that at those moments when we really need the reminder.  That "golden goodness."  It's really His presence in a very concentrated dose, giving us a hunger for Him...for eternity.  When we need it, we can look back on those "prelude" times, and know that is what we have to look forward to!  The best is yet to come for believers!  

     Those are eight of the books that have most impacted my life.  I highly recommend them.  I am always on the lookout for new books to read and be encouraged by, so please tell me your favorites, and how God has used them in your life!  

Birthday Lessons

      Today, February 4, 2022, I am forty years old.  As I think back on the lessons God has taught me in my Christian life over the years, I can't help but think that one of the most important lessons I learned took place thirty years ago today, on my tenth birthday, February 4, 1992.     

February 4, 1992--double digits at last!  I'm opening my presents from my siblings as my kid sister happily looks on.  My parents' main present to me was to be allowed to call long-distance to my friend in Colorado.  I wish I still had those encyclopedias to the right, under our VCR.  They had all kinds of cool things in them, such as the USSR, and info on all US Presidents up to Ronald Reagan.  They were even outdated in 1992, even though they were only about five years old then!

     The world was a different place, and yet not so different.  The Cold War had just ended a few weeks earlier, and everyone was totally amazed at the novelty of the phrase they never imagined to hear, Former Soviet Union.  The President of the United States was George H.W. Bush (who, at the time, we simply called George Bush, having no idea his son would one day become President as well, thus needing middle initials to distinguish them from each other).  Then-Vice-President Dan Quayle was also celebrating his birthday that day--but he wasn't turning ten (we share a birthday, look it up!  I also share a birthday with Charles Lindburgh and Rosa Parks!).  

Charles Lindbergh--born February 4, 1902--exactly 80 years before me.

Rosa Parks--born February 4, 1913-- exactly sixty-nine years before me.

Former Vice President, Dan Quayle--Born February 4, 1947--exactly thirty-five years before me.

     Who else was born on your birthday?  It's kind of fun to find that stuff out!

     For my birthday present that year, I had asked to be allowed to make a long distance call to a good friend of mine who had moved to Colorado (remember when long-distance calls actually cost money extra money?  I love having a flat-rate now!).  A twenty-minute call from Riverside, California to Denver, Colorado cost about the amount my parents were willing to spend on a gift, and that's what I had asked for.  It was totally worth it.  Beauty and the Beast was playing in the movie theaters.  I had seen it over Christmas vacation six weeks earlier, and was going to be seeing it again for my birthday, with two of my good friends.  I had wanted to invite the whole neighborhood to come with us, but of course that was out of the question.  Movie tickets were expensive (I mean, it was 1992.  It cost almost $3 a piece!  We couldn't be throwing our money around like that!).  My mother had told me to pick two friends to invite.  I settled on Chantel, a lifelong friend I had met as a toddler, and Sarah, a girl who lived on the next block over from me.  

     Since my actual birthday fell on a Tuesday in 1992, the movie excursion was planned for that Saturday, the eighth.  In the four days between my real birthday and that part of the celebration, what could go wrong?  Plenty!

     Chantel lived about ten miles away from us, went to a different school, and had a different circle of friends, so whether she told anyone or not about going to the movies for my birthday, it wouldn't have been any sort of issue.  Sarah, unfortunately, was right in the middle of my social circle.  She let it spill all over the neighborhood that I had invited her to come to my celebration.  This led to jealous kids showing up that morning, begging if they could also come.  It was torture to me to have to tell them no!  I would have loved to have invited all of them, and I felt sad that they couldn't come.  I had wished Sarah hadn't told them.  Some of these neighborhood kids hung around my house all day while we were gone, waiting for us to get home from the movie to see if we'd let them stay for cake and ice cream.  They hung out under the guise of playing with my siblings, but they really wanted a piece of the party.  When my siblings walked them home later (something we did in those days when it was time for friends to leave), they just turned around and followed my siblings back to our house.  

     The saddest part of this was that one friend, Lindsay, happened to see Sarah get into our car for the party.  I waved at Lindsay, and she waved back, but she looked sad, and I felt sad that I hadn't been able to invite her.  I wished I could have.  

     We had fun going to see the movie, but in the back of my mind, I felt sad about how those who had not been invited felt about it.  It's no fun to be left out.  I had so many good friends in my life I would have loved to have included.  

     Lindsay was very hurt I hadn't invited her, and she and I never really hung out after that.  In fact, she and Sarah were good friends, and she kind of got Sarah away from me, so I lost two friends.  I mean, we never had a fight, and we were still nice to each other around the neighborhood, but it wasn't the same.  Friendships at that age of life can be kind of fickle, since we're growing up and changing so much.  Some friends grow and change with us, and others don't.  Still, I felt that the fun of the day ruined friendships, and I always felt badly about that.  Looking back, it seems like mean girl drama, even though that wasn't the intent.  I also know that these kinds of things aren't relegated to a ten-year-old's birthday party.  People of all ages, including adults, can be just as hurt when they are left out, and respond in ways that are just as hurtful.  

     What I learned from my tenth birthday was that we should value people's feelings, and be very careful to be kind, and not hurtful.  Nothing was intentionally mean from this incident, but people were still hurt, and I can't help but think this could have been avoided if we'd been more careful.  Thoughtlessness can hurt just as much as spite.  We shouldn't just "not try" to hurt people, but we should intentionally "try not" to hurt them.  Philippians 2:4 says, Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Other people's feelings on the whole aren't our responsibility, but the way we treat them can affect their feelings, and that is our responsibility.   Most of us aren't cruel people who want to hurt others, but we can be thoughtless, which can be just as painful to them. 

     Here are some biblical tips that reinforce the hard lesson I learned on my tenth birthday.

1) Be friendly to everyone.  A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly... (Proverbs 18:24 KJV).  Be friendly to everyone God brings across your path.

2) Don't rank your friends into "best friends" and "second best friends."  My grandma wisely told me when I was about ten (around the time of this party, actually), that I should have several close friends, but I didn't need one "best friend."  She was right.  I had a friend growing up who always told me I was her fourth best friend.  Gee, thanks.  Another girl (with whom I was very close, in fact) told me I was her thirty-second best friend.  How do you think being ranked like this made me feel?  And how could this girl really keep track of thirty-two friends in order of quality?  It's ridiculous.  It turns friendship into a competition that you can't really hope to win.  It shouldn't be that way.  My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory.  (James 2:1).  You have your best china for when company comes, your best clothes to wear on Sundays, and your best friend for when you're really lonely.  What's wrong with that picture?  People shouldn't be relegated to the level of things.  Having one "Best Friend" is very juvenile and petty.  I find that most people who have a need for a "best friend" are often insecure themselves.  Every relationship in your life brings a new dimension to you, and should be valued.  Some are going to be closer to you than others, and that in itself is okay and right (Jesus had His twelve, and within that, He had His three), but being closer to them doesn't make someone a better friend, but rather a closer friend.  The term "Best Friend" is a misnomer, then.  The value should be placed on the relationship, not the person.  I have seldom (if ever) been the "best friend" people talked about.  I've had so many friends I thought I was very close to who would then talk about someone else as their "best friend" to me, and it made me feel like chopped liver!  Even now, at 40, those nagging feelings from youth come back with the thought, Why am I not good enough to be your best friend?  It makes me feel left out, and has led to a lot of insecurity in my relationships with other women.  The few times someone considered me their "best friend" it wasn't a healthy friendship, but more of a needy, codependent relationship where the person was receiving something from me, and made me feel used.  Those relationships didn't last.  Let's just not do that!  Don't have a "Best Friend" besides Jesus!  He is the friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24).  Have close friends, and value each one.  

3) Include everyone you are able to. Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.  (Hebrews 13:16).  Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.  Romans 12:13.  People's needs are not always physical.  Sometimes, they are emotional.  The need to feel included.  Be that person who sites beside someone who is alone or left out.  Start a conversation with someone who is by themselves.  Put yourself in another person's place and try to make them feel better.  I wasn't able to invite more people to my birthday celebration, but I could have made an extra effort to reach out to these other kids.  Maybe I could have changed the plan and just had everyone over for cake and ice cream.  Maybe I could have invited Lindsay over the next day for just a fun day for the two of us.  I should have cautioned Sarah not to tell others about my birthday fun, since they weren't invited.  There was a lot that could have been different, and avoided hurting people's feelings.  

4) See people as Jesus sees them.  The Bible tells us how God sees people.  God so loved the world... (John 3:16a).  He wants everyone to be saved (not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance. Second Peter 3:9).  We need to look at people as souls dearly beloved by God;  people Jesus died for and longs to welcome into His family.  Every person you meet was worth the life of Jesus Christ.  We should treat them as the treasures they are, and especially, tell them what Jesus did for them.  You might not be able to afford to take everyone you know to the movies for your birthday, but there are other ways to freely love them.  Many of the dearest people in my life have never spent a penny on me, but have given of the spiritual blessings God had given them, such as seeing God's hand in my life when I couldn't, listening compassionately when I needed it, encouraging me with scriptures I had forgotten, and praying with me when they could have been doing something else for themselves.  There are so many ways to love and value people.  

     In conclusions, I learned the hard way on my tenth birthday that people's hearts are fragile.  God loves people more than anything, and we should too.  Hopefully, all of you can come to my birthday party today (HA! HA!--there is no party, but if there were, you'd all be welcome!  My husband and I will get lunch out, and then come home for a really good dessert I already made).  If you're in Little Rock, drop on in!

Redeeming Love

Redeeming Love, owned by Universal Pictures

      "I'm going to let you decide," My mom told me seriously.  "You're a Christian young adult now, and you need to make your own choices."  

     I felt an unexpected honor, and yet I knew I wasn't quite an adult yet.  I was sixteen.  The way my mom saw it, I needed to start making my own decisions about things, including what convictions I held.  The question facing me was: would I go see the hit movie that was in theaters?  This movie was about a sinking ship, and the title starts with a T, in case you're wondering which movie I'm referring to.  The theme song, performed by Celine Dion, dominated every radio station.  By osmosis, I had learned every word to the song, without even trying.  

photo owned by Vogue

     Everyone loved this movie.  Many strong Christian friends had recommended I see it.  However, I had learned some things about it, including that this movie had unmarried characters having sex with each other, as well as nudity.  Sometimes, those things can be overlooked in the overall scheme of the movie.  Some people, who are godly and would never condone such things in real life, are able to separate that and still enjoy the movie.  It's a matter or conscience, and I make no judgment at all.  However, I was at an impressionable time in my life, and I had the feeling this was more than I could handle at the time.  It wasn't that it was evil, or that others who liked it were wrong.  As I said, I make no such judgments.  I just knew I couldn't handle it.  I had had a boyfriend in junior high, whom God had removed from my life (it was sort of an "unequally yoked" situation, in addition to life changes separating us).  For me specifically (meaning I do not put this on other people), I felt led not to date or get into another romantic relationship until I was eighteen and out of high school.  Watching overly passionate things were a stumbling block to me during that time in my life.  I had a very strong sex drive, but did not have a husband to exercise that with, so seeing such things was really hard on me.  Knowing this about myself, I concluded it wasn't in my best interest to see that movie.  That is how I became the only sixteen-year-old in Riverside County not to see Titanic.  Even one of my good friends who was two years younger than me saw it, and I questioned my decision, but every time I prayed about it, the same answer came back to me.  For me, that movie wasn't God's plan for me at that time.  Maybe I was weak in areas the others were strong, and it didn't affect them the way it would me.  I still haven't seen it, although I don't really feel it would be a problem now.  I'm just not particularly interested.  It's not the cool new movie, and I'm not sixteen anymore, so I don't really care if I miss out on cool movies!  

     I recently did go and see a new movie.  I've been happy that in the last two decades, Christian movies have come a long way.  I love seeing Christian films succeed in theaters.  I think my favorite is still Facing the Giants (2006).  Naturally, I was excited to hear that the Francine Rivers novel Redeeming Love was being made into a movie.  If you are not familiar, this is a Christian novel, based on the book of Hosea, only set in 1850 gold rush California.  The story goes that the virtuous farmer, Michael Hosea, falls for and marries a prostitute.  From here, there will be spoilers, so be warned.

     This is not my favorite Christian book, and it's not even my favorite by Francine Rivers (though it is her most well-known book).  If you're really interested in getting into her writing, I recommend And the Shofar Blew.  But anyway, the theme of Redeeming Love is, as the title implies, redemption.  This story covers the depths of hurt and desperation felt by the character of Angel (the prostitute-turned-wife).  Of course, that isn't her real name.  Her real name is Sarah.  She's had a rough road, being the illegitimate child of an extramarital affair, having her father reject her, and having her mother go into prostitution in order to support them.  When her mother dies, Sarah becomes a prostitute herself, going by the moniker Angel.  Her story is rough.  Some people's are.  Art imitates real life, and that is often how God's grace is shown, so I do not condemn Francine Rivers or the makers of the movie for portraying these heavy things.  Life hurts sometimes.  People who have been used and abused might feel some validation from these aspects of the story.  

     There were some small differences between the book and the movie, but I'm going to critique the overall story, and not really criticize any changes made by the movie.  There are enough people doing that.

A still from Redeeming Love, picture owned by Universal Pictures

     The story is based on the biblical story of Hosea.  Hosea was a prophet and a godly man who was called by God to marry the harlot Gomer.  This was a depiction of Israel's relationship with God.  However, 1850's California is very far removed from Old Testament Israel.  1850's California is decidedly after the Bible was complete, and the Apostle Paul had written Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? (Second Corinthians 6:14).  God will never lead someone to violate the commands of scripture.  This being the case, God would never lead a Christian to marry a non-Christian, as Michael Hosea did.  All allegories break down at some point, and this one certainly does.  It is still a powerful picture, but I think it could give the wrong message, such as the idea of marrying an unbeliever to convert or change them.  That is such a dangerous message.  This is not saying God can't lead someone to love and marry someone with a difficult past, or with baggage.  We all have that.  But the way it is portrayed in this story is unbiblical and unhealthy.  I knew someone who has based her marriage on Beauty and the Beast, and has stayed in an abusive marriage because she believes she's supposed to bring out the prince within.  She married him knowing what he was, but determined to be Belle to his Beast.  That's not right.  We need to be careful with the messages we feed ourselves and others.  Dating or marrying someone to bring them to Jesus, or into a healthier life, rarely works the way we hope.  Someone has to choose to change because they want to, not because we're pressuring them.  We cannot control them.  We cannot change them.  Marriage should be entered into with the expectation that this person is who they are, and we accept them fully as that.  If they grow and change, they grow and change, but that isn't something we should bank on or try to manipulate.  

     This story (both the book and the movie) portray Michael Hosea as pure and good.  He shows Angel/Sarah the grace she has never known her whole life, and it confuses and confounds her.  Her own guilt and shame cause her to repeatedly leave him.  The first several times, he goes after her and redeems her.  The final time, he says she has to choose to come back, which she eventually does, after she experiences her own personal redemption.  The idea of redemption is shown strongly throughout.

     A big problem I have with this movie is the amount of sensuality.  I am a happily married woman, and it was a bit much for me.  I can't even imagine watching it as a teenager or single woman.  It would have been a big stumbling block to me.  I am shocked it only had a PG-13 rating.  The sex scenes (including married sex) were explicit and left very little to the imagination.  These scenes were not quick either.  They lingered, and showed a lot of both male and female bodies.  I think they could have gotten the same idea across without being so extreme.  You can be romantic without being sex-crazed.  A film can even indicate that characters are intimate without becoming so graphic.  There was a lot of nudity in the movie as well.  This is somewhat understandable, as the story is about a prostitute.  But it was a bit beyond what was necessary.  This movie pushed the envelope.  As I said, I still have not seen Titanic, but from what I actually know, Redeeming Love can easily give Titanic a run for its money.  The naked bodies of these attractive actors in their 20's could be a stumbling block to many.  The review from Focus on the Family suggested that those who have struggled with porn addictions shouldn't see this movie.  Read Focus on the Family's full review here.

     Christian movies have come a long way, but this one pushed the envelope.  I wasn't sure if they were trying to compete with the latest sex story by having one with just as much sex and violence (yes, there was graphic violence too) but with a redemptive ending, or if they just got too realistic for their own good, but it was a little much for me (as a married woman), and I definitely believe it would have been a stumbling block to sixteen-year-old me.  I can't in good conscience recommend it to my friends, especially not to those who are single but truly longing for marriage and waiting on the Lord in this area of life.  Song of Solomon 8:4 urges us not to stir up love until the right time.  This movie will leave many burning with passion.  (First Corinthians 7:9).  

     Life is hard.  Ministering to others often leads us out of our comfort zone.  Maybe you're like me.  My mind rarely wants to go beyond PG, but sometimes, God brings people across our paths who desperately need His love, and they have been horrific places we can't even imagine.  This requires us to lose a little innocence.  Jesus did that when He left Heaven and came to this sin-sick earth.  I hasten to add that I'm not so sure I'd say Jesus was "innocent" prior to coming to earth, but you get the idea that He left a perfect and good place in order to come to this earth.  We do know He learned while He was here, and experienced everything we did, only without sin (Hebrews 4:15), and He can now be our Great High Priest (Hebrews 4:14).  He carried all our sin-induced sorrows (Isaiah 53:4).  He enables us to give His love to those who need Him.  I do not think watching this movie is necessarily a calling of God.  Love the "Angels" God brings across your path--just don't watch them have sex!

     In conclusion, you will have to make your own decision about whether or not to see Redeeming Love, just as I did about Titanic many years ago.  I hope the thoughts I have shared help you make an informed decision, and provide food for thought about ministry, Christian films, and temptation in all of our lives.  

Safety in Numbers

      "All the moms are really upset you talked about that last week," Amber (not her real name) told me.  "We don't believe in that.  We all disagree with what you're doing."  

      I felt alarmed, and my chest felt heavy.  I hated to have people upset with me, and was especially alarmed to have offended the mothers of the students I was working with.  "Well then, I'm going to go make it right with each of them.  I'll call them each up and apologize."

     I saw the slightest panic on Amber's face, but she quickly smoothed it away.  "Oh no.  Don't do that.  I talked to them and told them you're just naive and didn't mean it, and I think it's okay."

     I was beyond annoyed with Amber's personal remarks (which were a constant occurrence), but something about her insistence that I shouldn't apologize struck me as odd.  If I had done wrong, why shouldn't I apologize?  She truly didn't want me talking to the other women.  

     I was involved in a community Bible study.  Because the Bible study met from 9am-Noon, most of the women who attended were either senior citizens, or home-school moms.  I was the lone working woman in the group.  I was an employee of the YMCA at the time, and I worked a split shift, which made the Bible study perfect for me, time-wise.  I had been asked to teach the junior highers.  These were all home-schooled children.  I very quickly grew to love my group of young people.  They were bright, kind, and fun-loving.  Most of them had a heart for the Lord, and diving into God's word with them was a joy.  However, one aspect of this ministry was very complicated.

     Amber was the teacher of the elementary class.  She and I had our students together for parts of the day, and then separated for the study time.  Many women I count as dear friends were very close with Amber, and remain so to this day.  By their accounts, Amber is a wonderful person with many good qualities.  However, she and I just didn't connect well at all.  The word "frenemy" could well sum up our relationship in this ministry.  

     The previous week, our study time had gotten off track, and we had wandered into the topic of spiritual warfare.  Everything said was biblical (based on Ephesians 6), but perhaps a little vivid if we'd had younger listeners (which we didn't).  As it was, these kids were all seventh-and-eighth graders.  Amber's group wasn't with us at the time this discussion took place.  I figured my students could handle it.  But I also realized I had gotten off track, and I got us back into the lesson.  Now, a week later, I was being confronted by Amber that I had "traumatized" her daughter (who was in my group).  Amber could have called me any time during the week, but she waited until I was surrounded by others to confront me (which violates Jesus' directions for confrontation in Matthew 18).  

     Having been raised to apologize and ask for forgiveness when I offended someone, I didn't heed Amber's words, and I reached out to the mothers of my students.  Not only were none of them offended with me, but a few were even grateful I had brought up the subject of spiritual warfare.  "They need to know about this!" one mom told me seriously.  None of them had even known we had touched on that subject.  Amber had implied that all the mothers came to her complaining about me, when, in reality, they didn't even know about it!  

     I am certainly not defending the fact that I got off topic in Bible study.  I am not defending the fact that I talked about a subject that was a little scary to one of the students.  I should have been more careful to stay on track.  But I discovered that what I had done wasn't as disastrous as Amber had made it seem.  

     This post isn't about Amber, spiritual warfare, or that situation with the Bible study.  I started with this story to illustrate the idea of people trying to gain power over us by using other people.  Let's isolate some of that for a minute.  Here I had someone dislike something I had said.  She was within her right to disagree with me, and talk to me about it.  If it was that big of a problem for her, she would have called me during the week.  It clearly wasn't important to her.  Instead, she waited all week, then approached me very combatively, and told me how offended they all were with me.  She didn't speak for herself.  She included other people in it, without them really feeling that way at all, or even knowing about what had happened.  She used words like We and They, instead of I and Me.  When I broached the subject of apologizing, she quickly tried to steer me away from that.  Why?  She didn't want me to call her bluff and find out that the other moms weren't mad at me.  She wanted to keep the illusion of power.  She wanted to be the voice of everyone.  

     The truth is, if she had contacted me and shared her concern, from herself, I would have listened.  I would have cared.  I would have apologized, and been more careful in the future.  I care about individuals.  Amber and her daughter were important enough to me without them needing to act as if other people were also offended.  For reasons I can only guess at, Amber chose not to speak for herself, but instead built a fortress around herself, constructed of other people.  My assumption is that this was done out of insecurity on her part.  She gave her point more power, and made me feel outnumbered and condemned.  None of these other people even know that they were being pitted against me.  It made me feel badly at first, until I verified the truth.  

     I got my power back by talking to these other women.  I learned the truth.  As Jesus said, the truth will set you free. (John 8:32).  

     Have you ever had someone do that to you?  Try to make their point stronger by including other people who may or may not have been involved?  How did it make you feel?  I once had a very overpowering boss tell me that everyone else was doing a good job in a particular area, but I wasn't.  It made me feel heartsick, because I was doing the best that I could.  A lot of the results this boss wanted were dependent upon other people besides myself.  Remembering my experience with Amber, I decided to test the boss' line out, and I asked my coworkers if they ever struggled with this particular aspect of our job the way I did.  Every single one of them related to my experience.  They had similar results to mine.  The boss was only using them to make me feel isolated.  For all I know, he could have been telling them I was doing this great job and using me to make them feel insufficient.  I think his idea was to motivate me to do better.  What he actually did was discourage all of us, but we felt better once we talked about it.  

     You've heard the phrase There is safety in numbers, right?  Well, that's the truth.  We need each other, especially when people try to manipulate us like this.  Watch out for people who can't simply speak for themselves, but instead use phrases such as:

     *Everyone says you're...

     *We all think... 

     *I was talking to so-and-so, and we decided you...

     I knew a pastor's wife who literally destroyed her husband's church by doing this.  She would gossip about a church member to another.  The person to whom she was gossiping would listen politely, but uncomfortably, not contributing anything to the conversation.  Then, the pastor's wife would go to the person she had been talking about and say, "So-and-so I and were just talking, and we were saying that you..."  She took delight in complicating relationships between others.  Ultimately, that church closed down because this woman drove everyone off.  This is tragic, and it is evil.  

     Make sure you're not using these phrases either.  Be strong and brave with your words.  Speak the truth boldly and kindly.  Be humble but confident.  You don't need other people to strengthen what you have to say.  It's very important to use I and me, rather than we or they.  God's word urges us toward courage.  Joshua 1:9 not only encourages this kind of confidence, but also gives the reason why we can be brave: Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.  We are also told biblically to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15).  People who have to be misleading by adding other people to what they're saying in order to make you feel isolated are not being loving.  They are furthering their own agenda.  Watch out for that.  It is a form of gaslighting, which I have covered in several different posts in this blog.   

     Individuals are not the only ones who do this.  News media outlets use a false display of people to misrepresent the truth as well.  If what you are hearing doesn't sound right, check it out.  Talk with other people.  That is where social media has made a big difference.  People can speak their mind on things, and it's harder for the news outlets to control the narrative.  This is also why so many people end up in Facebook jail...

     During a particular election, my candidate won.  At the time, I was working for a major university.  The day after the election, all employees got an email from the University President, saying that no one was happy with the election results, and if people were really struggling with their candidate's loss, they could come receive counseling from the university's psychology department.  First of all, people need to grow up.  No one has ever offered me counseling when votes didn't go the way I wanted.  But more to the point, did you catch what they did?  They made the bold statement that no one was happy with the election result.  Obviously this wouldn't be true.  No election has everyone happy, or everyone unhappy.  Some people got what they wanted, and others did not, so saying that is transparently incorrect.  Secondly, though, it also made those who were happy with the outcome feel in the minority, and outnumbered (and if they won the election, they were obviously not in the minority!).  That was a very manipulative way to word that email, and I would have expected much more professionalism (or at least more subtlety) than that!  We need to watch stuff like this.  We should be seeking the truth, and exposing deception wherever we find it.  Second Timothy 2:15 urges us to be ...rightly dividing the word of truth.  

     Every time someone gives you something misleading, whether it is a suspicious news report or a personal confrontation, check it out.  The tendency is to feel sad, and isolate yourself, feeling left out and alone.  Resist that.  Find out the truth.  Go to the people and get the facts.  Align yourself with people who speak the truth.  Remember what Proverbs 11:14 says,  in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.  

     Most of what I am talking about is how to avoid letting liars manipulate you with misleading statements.  However, when we think about the truth, we need to go even deeper.  Jesus Christ is the truth (John 14:6).  His word is truth (John 17:17).  First John 1:6 reminds us how we need to be walking with the Lord if we are going to be people of truth: If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.  The very first step in any situation is to make sure you are right with the Lord, walking with Him.  Then, go to other truth tellers!  After all, the truth will set you free!  

     

Into the Truth

     Over the week between Christmas and News Years, I have been listening to a podcast.  The title of this podcast is: I Pray You Put This Journal Away.  Some important things are brought up, that I think should be discussed.  I'm going to react to it, but don't particularly recommend it.  You'll see why as you read my interaction with it, but a basic additional reason that I'll share now is that the speakers were not very well prepared, and used a lot of filler words, such as "like" and "ya know" while groping for what to say, and it was hard to really listen to that.  That is just a mechanics thing, though.  I also didn't like all the profanity used (thought most of it was bleeped out).  If you wish to listen, that is up to you.  You can look it up, but because I don't recommend it, I'm not including the link this time.  

     It is a husband and wife talking about their journey in life.  This couple is about a decade younger than I am (they were children in the 90's, teens in the 2000's--whereas I was a child in the 80's and a teen in the 90's).  The thing that made this podcast interesting is that the husband grew up as friends with the Duggar family (formerly famous, currently infamous family in northwest Arkansas).  If you are not familiar, the Duggars are a fundamentalist family who have 19 children.  They formerly had their own reality television show.  On their show, their life was portrayed as unadulterated wholesomeness.  To be honest, during the years the show was popular (late 2000's and early 2010's), I never really felt comfortable with it.  They espouse themselves to be conservative Christians, which I do as well, but their convictions are pushed to some extreme measures that would never have been part of my life.  What struck me about them at the time was the control they exercised over their adult children's lives.  I didn't really watch the show, but I knew of it, and I knew many people really liked and admired them.  

photo owned by TLC

     I want to clarify that I am not picking on anyone's convictions of how they live out their faith.  People are free to do as they believe they should.  I am not mocking or belittling the Duggars for having different convictions than I do.  I just didn't like the way the Duggars and their followers seemed to try to define Christianity or Conservatism by their own standards.  I have always considered myself to be a Conservative Christian, but as a single woman, I owned a small house, had a college degree and a career.  When I met my husband, we dated without parental supervision.  These things are all very different from what the Duggars presented as the right way to do life and relationships.  I knew people (Duggar wannabe's) who considered me to be very liberal.  That was frustrating.  Also, the Duggars consider themselves to be Baptists, which I am as well, and yet my experiences as a Baptist are very different than what they have expressed.  Critics of the Duggars' extremism make comments like, "Baptists are an extreme hate-group," thinking that the Duggar's brand of Baptist is the entirety of the denomination, when in reality, most Baptists are nothing like what is being depicted by the Duggars.  I resented the way they hijacked these things and gave everyone the impression that this was what it means to be Christian, home-schooled, Baptist, or Conservative.  In some aspects, I also consider myself a fundamentalist Christian, in that my faith goes back to the fundamentals.  Fundamentalists used to be those of us who believed in the inerrancy or scripture.  Now, thanks to people like the Duggars, fundamentalists are people who don't let women wear pants, and other such rules.  The focus has totally changed, to the point that I am very careful about referring to myself as a Fundamentalist.  I'm definitely an Evangelical Christian, but by the definition of Fundamentalist given in this podcast, I am definitely not a Fundamentalist.  Worth noting, some of the Duggar's children have moved away from their extreme beliefs as married adults.  Most notably, their daughters, Jill and Jinger, and their husbands, are living what most would consider "normal" Christian lives, more similarly to the way I live.  

     In 2015, their facade of perfection was shattered when the sins of the oldest Duggar child, Josh, became public.  Josh had molested his sisters in the past, and, as of that point in 2015, was addicted to pornography and was actively cheating on his wife Anna.  My heart truly went out to her.  This was how the family went from being famous to infamous.  Josh professed to be very sorry, and apparently got some sort of treatment and counseling.  However, less than a month ago, Josh Duggar was found guilty of child pornography charges.  He will be in prison for a very long time.  This so-called sweet, wholesome, home-schooled boy who appeared to do everything right has been into some very evil things for a very long time.  He is finally getting justice.  It just goes to show you can have all sorts of man-made rules and do everything "right" by those standards, and yet fail miserably where it really counts.  He didn't kiss his wife until their wedding, and yet he cheated on her after marriage, then went on to take part in child exploitation and abuse.  It strongly reminds of Jesus' words to the Pharisees in Matthew 23:24, You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.  

     Anyway, that was some background there.  I'm not really here to discuss the Duggars (if you are interested, there is a lot of info out there, but that isn't my purpose here).  This podcast done by a former friend of the Duggars was very interesting.  This couple is really sharing their story of being raised as very strict fundamentalists, and then growing up and deconstructing their beliefs.  They clearly love each other very much, and are trying to tell their story.  I could tell this was therapeutic for them.  They sound like they feel good about where they are at in life right now.  They clearly had some trauma and emotional abuse in their childhood faith.  Some of these fundamental groups cover up abuse, and even facilitate it in some cases.  This is unquestioningly evil.  It grieves me that those who bear Christ's name would do something that wicked, and appear to care more about their image than about what is truly right and holy.  Maybe they started off truly wanting to do right, but got off track.  Maybe others were always wolves in sheep's clothing.  Only God knows.  

     It was clear that the couple doing the podcast (particularly the husband, who actually grew up with the Duggars) really struggled with no one addressing needs they had growing up.  The husband struggled with his normal sexual desires during puberty, since it was not talked about sufficiently.  That is unfortunate.  Some of what was shared was very sensitive and troubling.  He recounted drawing a picture of some well-known fictional characters from a G-rated storyline in an X-rated, sexualized way, and then getting caught by his father.  The talk with his father didn't address the real struggles and desires he had, but was rather a critique of his drawing ability and trying to trick him into confessing if he did this often or if this was a one-time thing.  It was very brave and vulnerable to share this in the podcast, but I must confess it was very awkward and embarrassing to me to hear this.  I don't condemn him at all.  He clearly was feeling some very real things, and perhaps saw himself in these characters.  That is normal.  Good stories with well-written characters will do that for us.  If these characters were real people, they surely would be sexual beings like all of us.  The scenario just went to show how much this young man wasn't being taught and helped as he went from being a child to an adult.  That is the tragedy.  He needed to have his parents talk to him about his desires and feelings, and about the right way and time to exercise them.  

     All through the podcast, I really got a glimpse of the shame being thrown at the young people in their fundamentalist church, the sense of never being good enough, and needing to measure up.  Both husband and wife recalled "asking Jesus into their hearts" as very young children, but neither seemed to talk about really encountering Jesus in a personal way.  It was all about form, rather than a right relationship.  It appeared that in both cases, their parents initiated them "praying the prayer" rather than them coming to a place of conviction of sin and a desire to receive Christ.  It was about crossing all the t's and dotting all the i's.  As this man read entries from his teen journal, I saw just how down he was on himself, and how little grace he was extended.  My heart broke for him, and for everyone who has been wounded like that.  It wasn't a blunt abuse, but a subtle message of not being good enough, given a little at a time, until it became a deadly poison.  The guy shares his struggles with suicide.  

     The biggest tragedy he shared (though he doesn't see or present it as a tragedy) was his falling away from his faith in Christ as an adult.  He calls himself a "sort of atheist."  He and his wife have both deconstructed their faith.  That is something we hear a lot about now, and I have addressed it before in my blog.  All of us are constantly deconstructing our beliefs in small ways as we learn new info.  I used to believe that combing your hair while it was wet was really bad for it.  A beautician recently told me that is not the case.  I let go of the belief I previously held in light of new info.  That's part of living.  But as Christians, our faith is in the finished work of Christ, and that should never change.  That doesn't need to be reconstructed.  I would venture to guess that all of us have small beliefs creep in that are unbiblical, and as we compare that to God's word, we should be working on changing that to align it with what God has said.  The major deconstruction of young people leaving Christianity is truly tragic.  It is a process of deciding what they now believe.  It is heartbreaking that they were unable to grasp the truth, and are discarding even the remnants of it.  As I said, though, as I listened to all of this, I never saw either of the spouses, nor any of the people they mentioned, have a true encounter or relationship with Jesus.  This isn't to say they didn't.  It just didn't come across that they did in anything shared.  They went through the motions, and tried very hard to live up to man-made standards.  There was a sweet innocence to where they were at as young people, but Christ wasn't the center.  If they truly did know Christ, I believe they still do, and He will work in them and bring them back.  If they didn't, then they still don't, and they are simply no longer going through the motions.  If that is the case, I suppose it makes them a little more honest now.  

     The big takeaway I get is that people need to encounter Jesus Christ, in His true glory.  This can happen in a little old-fashioned country church with a pastor who preaches out of the King James Bible, or at a large, modern congregation in a major city.  The outer trappings don't matter.  If someone truly embraces Jesus as Savior, this person has God's Holy Spirit.  God's law is then written in his or her heart (Romans 2:15).  There isn't a need for all these human rules that only serve to bring on guilt and condemnation.  The believer is taught by the Bible, led by the Spirit.  True doctrine and teachings are important, but not the extra man-made stuff that only serves to throw people off track.  

     I encountered Jesus Christ as a little girl.  I recognized I was a sinner and in need for Christ's salvation, and I embraced the redemption He offers freely.  I was born again when I was five years old.  From there, I grew in my faith.  I grew up in an American evangelical home.  I went to AWANA and Sunday school.  I had a Christian education.  I went to camp.  As a little girl, I was had Psalty records, which we performed as plays at church.  On car trips, we would listen to cassette tapes of GT and the Halo Express, which is how I memorized many of the verses I still know today.  My family listened to Adventures in Odyssey every Saturday evening (my husband and I are still fans now!).  I had church/school friends who were Christians, and I had neighbor friends who weren't.  I saw my parents sharing the gospel with others.  I still cherish all of these precious things from growing up.  I see so many of those who deconstruct suddenly start ridiculing things that were once important to their lives.  I absolutely love all of these remnants of my childhood and teen years, and am so thankful for the ways they encouraged my already-existing faith.  They didn't create my faith, but they stimulated what was there.  

     Were there silly things I now chuckle at?  Certainly.  When I was in high school, my pastor was very into the Rapture and Tribulation.  That was pretty much all he talked about.  When he would witness to people, he would ask, "If the Rapture happened right now would you be taken or left behind?"  The average person on the street had no idea what he was talking about.  He lived in such a belief in the imminence of the Rapture that he told us we would never die, but that the Rapture would happen in our lifetime.  It got me thinking so strongly about it that, as a young college student, I was scared to drive unsaved friends, because if the Rapture happened, I would be taken, and the car would crash, killing my unsaved friend and sending her to hell, without a chance to get saved during the Tribulation.  I really thought deeply about this, and anytime an unsaved friend asked for a lift, I would silently pray the whole time that God would postpone the Rapture until I got her home.  I chuckle now at my naivety.  As if I was the only Christian on earth who was driving an unsaved person in my car, and as if God would postpone the Rapture just for me!  But I also think it is a very sweet idea that I lived in such belief in the imminence.  I wish I still thought that way.  Sometimes I do.  There are some little convictions I have gone through, then changed my mind about upon further study of scripture.  That is how we learn and grow.  

     If you read my blog two posts ago (Unfinished Business, December 7), you know that I experienced some abuse in church.  In other posts, I have shared about some of the ways I have been wounded in ministry.  I'm sure you have too.  My journey with other believers has not been perfect.  Hurtful things should not happen, but they do.  They are inexcusable, but not unforgivable.  And they do not make Jesus any less real or the Bible any less true.  Think of how ridiculous it is to base truth's validity on people's actions.  Someone at church hurt me.  Does that mean Jesus didn't actually die on the cross?  Of course not!  We are supposed to look at Jesus (Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith...Hebrews 12:2).  That is what I feel was missing from this podcast.  The background of the couple didn't seem to point to Jesus, but to man-made rules and standards of righteousness that they were expected to adhere to in their own strength (which is impossible).  Their current life doesn't seem to look to Jesus at all, but to what they call "my truth." (which is a total misnomer, because everyone's so-called truth contradicts everyone else's, which calls the validity into question!).  

This quote is probably the most accurate thing out there regarding "my truth."  

     There are things that shouldn't have happened to me.  There are things that shouldn't have been said.  There were times my parents, church leaders and teachers made honest mistakes in trying to do right.  There were times no one knew what I was dealing with internally, and consequently said things that shamed me and intensified my struggle.  But guess what?  Jesus is greater than all of that.  He was real in my life and He enabled me to overcome (And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives unto the death.  -Revelation 12:11).  He will do the same for everyone who truly wants Him to.  Jeremiah 29:13 says, You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.  I am not inside of anyone else.  I can't say what they did or didn't do in their spiritual journey, but I do know what God has done for me, and what He promises for all who call on Him!  Our journey should be a journey into the truth.