Friend or Foe?

     I recently had a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine.  She shared with me how her daughter (who attends a very small Christian school) is one of only two girls in the school's upper-elementary class.  

     "And the other little girl is so mean to her," my friend told me.  "It's been like this since kindergarten.  This girl gets the younger girls on the playground to snub her.  The teachers never know how to deal with it.  In fact, this year, their teacher is best friends with this girl's mom.  My daughter knows this girl is mean, but they've kind of been in a position of being forced to act like friends all this time.  And there are times the girl is nice to her, and my daughter lets her guard down, only to be hurt later when the girl decides to be mean again."

     As she explained this, my heart went on to this sweet ten-year-old (who is in the Wednesday night class I teach at church).  I related to her experience--both from my own childhood experiences with mean "friends" and also in my adult life.  How many times have I had an uncomfortable relationship with someone, only to let my guard down when they'd act nice.  Inevitably, I would then be hurt by them when they'd start being mean again.  As people who want to get along with others, we often take what we can get from them, sometimes to our own detriment.  

     What makes this more complicated is that, as Christians, we feel we need to show mean people mercy and grace, and we feel guilty for holding our boundaries and taking care of ourselves.  In fact, some of us have been programmed with idyllic thinking on the subject.  

     Growing up, I would watch family-friendly TV shows, which would attempt to teach a lesson to viewers.  A common plot used in several shows was the story about the school bully picking on the protagonist.  The protagonist inevitably decides to kill the bully with kindness, and the bully ends up becoming nice and good, and everyone becomes friends by the end.  

     These feel-good plots are so encouraging, but they are also unrealistic most of the time.  They set us up to be disappointed when real-life doesn't work that way.  They also set us up to show kindness out of a desire to change the bully, instead of unconditional Christian love.  Those who have the greatest impact for good on others are those who can love someone without having that person ever love them back.  Romans 5:6 says, For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.  Jesus loved us, knowing we were powerless to do anything for Him, and that kind of love brought our salvation!  Jesus loved us while we were still His enemies, and once we receive His salvation, we become His children and friends.  If you're loving someone just to make them change, you're loving them for the wrong reason.  I talk more in-depth about this in my June 22, 2021 post Toxic? if you'd like to read that.  

     Unfortunately, these kill-the-bully-with-kindness plots were not just relegated to TV shows.  A lot of Christian media from my childhood also had this message.  One particular song from an album (that had an accompanying story) contained the lines: 

...It's when you see your enemy in trouble

And you help him put his troubles to an end,

It's coming to his rescue on the double,

By picking him up, dusting him off,

and being his friend...

     I hasten to add that this is not a bad message.  It's a beautiful message, encouraging us to show love.  That is very right and Christian.  My only objection to this and other stories for kids (both secular and Christian) is that it simplifies complex relationships with difficult people.  In the story on this album, the enemy becomes good and kind after the central characters demonstrate this kind of love, which is not something we should bank on.  Being kind to your enemy is biblical.  Jesus said to love our enemies (Luke 6:27-28).  But He didn't tell us to be their doormat.  In fact, to follow Jesus' words here, we have to first admit that these people are our enemies.  It isn't always possible to make that person our friend.  We certainly can't solve all of our enemy's problems, as the sweet song above implies.  As I became an adult, I had to grieve the lost innocence that came to me when I realized life isn't this simple.  I wish it was.  It takes two people to make a friendship happen.  You don't have power over the other person to make them be your friend.  You can choose to do right, but you also need to take care of yourself.  Wasting time and energy on trying to befriend your enemy can take you away from relationships you should be investing in!  It can take you away from becoming the person God made you to be.  

     I have shared this example before, but think of Jesus on the cross.  He forgave the men who killed and mocked him.  Luke 23:34 says, Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.  Often, this truth is put forth as a challenge to us, to love and forgive people who hurt us.  And yet, then, I think of something else.  After Jesus' resurrection, He didn't try to pursue these people who killed Him.  He didn't go try to become their friends or persuade them to believe in Him.  He didn't expend any further energy on them.  He instead showed Himself to His followers--those who would make up the early church.  He focused on the relationships that mattered.  His eye was on the goal the Father set for Him.

     The Apostle Paul had people he really invested in as well, and you can see that in the book of Acts, and in his epistles.  But we also read of other encounters he had.  He had the chance to bear witness of Christ before Felix, Agrippa and Festus.  Felix's response was "Not now." (Acts 24:23, That’s enough for now! You may leave. When I find it convenient, I will send for you.).  Agrippa's response to Paul's message was "Not quite," (Acts 26:28, ...You almost persuade me to become a Christian.).  And Festus' response (we gather through his lack of response) is "Not at all."  Though they worded it differently, none of them responded affirmatively to Paul, and after these encounters, we don't see Paul writing to them or investing his energy into them.  He did what he was called to do in their lives, and then he moved to his next assignment from the Lord.  I don't know about you, but I have wasted time on people I really should have just let go of.  It doesn't mean you don't value them as God-loved humans.  It just means they aren't your assignment from the Lord, and you can move on.  Jesus knew what to do, and Paul follows that example.  We can do the same.  Invest in those God has put in your corner. 

     Some years ago, I was involved in a particular ministry.  The woman I worked most closely with in this situation was difficult for me.  For the sake of this post, I'll say she was my enemy.  She was very snobbish to me, and passive-aggressively put me down in front of other people.  She treated me very badly, but did so in a very sweet voice.  It was very grating to me.  Of course, she was physically beautiful.  The hardest part for me was that almost everyone else thought this woman was wonderful, and it made me question if I was perceiving her correctly.  Really, wondering about that was a waste of my own time and energy.  Maybe everyone else was right and she was wonderful, but it was enough that I wasn't experiencing her that way.  I needed to just know how to deal with what I was experiencing, rather than analyzing her.  

     Our first year serving together, she made me so mad, and we had some very difficult conflicts.  There was a lot of embarrassment.  But for some reason, our second year, she started being very sweet.  It was like we had clicked all of a sudden.  I was just happy we were getting along, and accepted it for what it was.  Our ministry went so much better.  But the truth was, we had never resolved past conflicts.  She just suddenly got nice, and I let my guard down.  She was still the same person.  After our wonderful second year, her true colors came back out, and, because I had started to trust and like her, I was deeply hurt by her.  

     I could have avoided that pain if I hadn't let my guard down, just like the ten-year-old girl I started this post talking about.  A lot of us have been in this situation, I would imagine.  We are just so relieved when the person isn't giving us a bad time that we forget who they are and what they are capable of.  Sometimes, in the name of Christian grace, we just forget all their bad behavior.  For salvation, that works (Jesus washes our sins away!), but in personal relationships, we can't just erase what someone did.  We can choose not to hold it against them, and to forgive them.  That much is biblical.  But, unless that person has apologized, and demonstrated a recognition of their wrong and a desire to get along with us, we should still keep in mind what they are capable of.  Trust should be earned, not freely given.  Recognizing who and what they really are is not a lack of forgiveness and grace.  It is taking care of ourselves.  It is part of being wise as serpents and innocent as doves. (Matthew 10:16).

     My ten-year-old friend eventually concluded that this mean classmate of her wasn't her friend.  She would be kind to her, but she wouldn't try to be friends with her.  Putting that boundary down, even just in her own mind, has helped her tremendously this school year.  And it is something we need to be doing for ourselves too.  

          Relationships with people are complicated.  There are a lot of oversimplified and incorrect messages that sound like good Christian teachings.  We need to follow Jesus' example--love our enemies, desiring their very best (which is their salvation in Jesus), but invest in the people God has put into our lives for good.  

All or Nothing...

      Have you ever fallen prey to the mentality of "all or nothing?"  A lot of us have.  We throw ourselves into something completely...or we don't try at all.  This goes along with black and white thinking.  Something is either 100% right or 100% wrong, and if we ever err on the wrong side, we just throw the baby out with the bathwater.  Here are some examples of what I'm talking about:

     1) You're on a strict diet.  You cheat a little bit by eating a fun sized candy bar, then feel so guilty you just give up and decide you'll start on your diet tomorrow and spend the rest of your day gorging on junk food.

     2) You are determined to be a good Christian witness at work, but then you get sucked into a gossipy conversation with coworkers, and then, feel so badly about it that you decide you shouldn't try to be a witness, since you already ruined your testimony by gossiping, and you never end up telling your coworkers you're even a Christian.

     3) You miss a couple of weeks of church, due to sickness and vacationing.  Feeling you are now out of the loop, you allow yourself to just get out of the habit of going, and never get back into regular attendance.  

     4) Here is a more subtle example:  You work a job you love, and want to do your very best.  There is always so much to do that you never know when you're really done for the day.  You throw yourself into doing this job you really love.  Your boss and coworkers praise your efforts, which further reinforces your hard work, but you never really know how to put down boundaries with this job, and the lines are fuzzy between your work life and personal life.  This is especially easy to fall into with a salaried job, as opposed to hourly wage, but can happen in any job.

     As humans, we can easily fall into all or nothing thinking.  We can also push good things (like enjoying a tasty snack, taking care of your health, working hard, etc.) to an unhealthy extreme.  That's more of the all or nothing thinking.  

     Some things really are totally black or white.  The Bible is very clear about what is right and what is wrong.  First Peter 1:15 tells us be holy yourselves also in all your behavior.  What is holiness?  It's the perfection of God!  Are we capable of that?  No!  Romans 3:10 tells us, There is none righteous, no, not one.  Our sinfulness is ingrained into who we are, and that is why we need a Savior.  Once we have received Christ, God sees us in the righteousness of His Son!  But in a practical way, we don't always act righteously.  We want to!  Oh, we want to!  As Christians, we have that new nature, that desire to please God and do right.  If we try this in our own strength, we fall into that very all or nothing thinking I've been talking about.  Some Christians (myself included at times!) fall into perfectionism, trying to do everything just right.  There is nothing wrong with aiming for excellence.  Second Timothy 2:15 says, Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.  This refers to correctly living by God's word, and that is what we should do.  The problem happens when we try to do it in our own strength, and beat ourselves up when we fail (which we all do).  It is also a problem when we try to help ourselves obey the Bible by adding unbiblical rules to ourselves. That's what the Pharisees did, and it only puts a burden on us!  It is also part of all or nothing thinking.  For example:

     1) The Bible makes it clear sex is for marriage between one man and one woman (Genesis 2:24, First Corinthians 6:18, Hebrews 13:4), and anything apart from this is sinful.  But some have added a lot of rules to this, making male and female relationships needlessly complicated.  When I was a teen and young adult, a lot of Christians nixed dating, or physical contact of any kind, or kissing before your wedding day.  If that was someone's personal choice, there is nothing wrong with that, but to put that on everyone when that is not what the Bible says is legalism!  

     2) The Bible says to abstain from all appearance of evil.  (First Thessalonians 5:22).  I will be the first to confess I have inadvertently misused this verse in the past, and have seen many others do so as well.  Other translations have this verse as saying to avoid all forms of evil (do a study on this!).  The verse is saying to avoid evil, and we know what evil is, because God has spelled it out in His word.  But many of us have taken the translation that is most to our liking and have told ourselves and others that they need to avoid things that even appear evil.  I have known people who refused to go to movies, just because someone they know might see them coming out of a perfectly wholesome movie, but think they might have seen a bad one.  Again, this is fine if someone feels convicted by God to do this.  We are told scripturally not to make the weaker believer stumble (Romans 14), so if seeing you come out of a theater will make them stumble, then avoiding it would be the right choice.  But making this into a seemingly godly rule that everyone should be expected to follow is no longer obeying the Bible, but adding to it.  

     3) The Bible says all foods are permissible to eat (Acts 10:15), but also that not everything is the best for us (First Corinthians 10:23).  That gives us some guidelines, but not strict rules about what to eat and what not to eat.  Some Christians I have known virtue signal about being a vegetarian, a vegan, only eating organic, gluten-free, etc.  Again, there is nothing wrong with someone eating the diet they believe is right for them (especially if it is necessary for heath reasons), but to spiritualize it and put it on other people is beyond anything the Bible teaches, yet I have met many who do this.  One friend and I were talking about some women in a Bible study we attended, and my friend said, "It's like they've made a whole religion out of food!" These women had criticized us for trusting the FDA to approve safe food, and for shopping at regular grocery stores instead of their favorite specialty health stores.  It was okay for them to follow their diet, but it was okay for us to follow ours too.  Before God, no one was in the wrong in terms of eating, and it was legalistic of them to try to put that on us.  

     I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea.  We have all had times where we or someone we knew went into all or nothing thinking.  Usually, people are well-intentioned when they do this, but it isn't the path to righteousness.  

     What we need, instead is grace.  But what is grace?  I have never seen any biblical attribute abused and misused as much as grace.  Some people think legalism is having standards, but grace is doing whatever you want.  That isn't true at all.  God's standard of holiness still stands, and in oder to have a right relationship with Him, we need to be holy too!  We can't, so Jesus did it for us!  That's why it is possible.  God didn't break His own rule and say, "Well, I'm just going to accept sin."  No, He made the way by sending Jesus!  Now, because the Holy Spirit is inside of believers, we are empowered to live a godly way!  Grace is actually a higher standard, not lower.  In Matthew 5 (starting in verse 21), Jesus does a series of explanations that start with "You have heard it said..." The first example he does is murder, and He explains that murder isn't just the act of killing, but just to be angry is the same in God's eyes as if you really killed someone!  Jesus blew them out of the water with these statements, showing them how incapable they were of living up to God's righteous standard (thus showing them why they needed a Savior!).  That's why Jesus came!  But now that we have that grace of salvation, we also have the grace to do right.  We don't have to harbor sinful anger in our hearts (there is non-sinful, non-murderous anger as well).  We do not have to lust.  We don't have to get revenge.  God's grace empowers us to do better and live the righteous life!  

     Are we always going to live that standard of grace?  No.  We still sin, and that's another thing grace does.  It helps you just get up and do the next right thing.  You are not condemned when you fail.  Jesus took that penalty.  You can get up and move forward in victory!  You don't have to feel defeated.  Just make it right and move on!  

     The best example of grace I have ever heard was years ago at an AWANA conference in California.  One of my fellow workshop presenters said:

     "Legalism is your mother giving you $1 and telling you you'd better buy a week's worth of groceries with it, then punishing you because you were unable.  Grace is your mother giving you $100 to go buy yourself some ice cream and letting you keep the change!"  Legalism only brings failure.  Grace empowers us!  It isn't an excuse to sin.  It is a higher standard, and the power to do it, and even the power to move on from failure!

     Next time you're tempted to give into all or nothing thinking, remember, you have $100 to buy an ice cream cone, and you can keep the change!  God is empowering you!

Detained at the Border

     Sometimes, life lessons are spiritually deep, impacting one's relationship with God and others.  Other times, they are just plain practical. 

     My husband and I are wrapping up a 12-day missionary furlough we took to the northeastern US.  This trip was financed by money I saved up all year from donating plasma.  It is a great side-hustle, and I've used it to save up for trips and holidays over the last few years.  I recommend looking into plasma donation if you're interested in saving up some side money.

     Anyway, on this trip we were able to see some supporters and prayer partners in Ohio, Massachusetts, and Vermont, as well as present our ministry and share the Gospel in these and other surrounding states.  I remained in touch with our ministry board and colleagues back in Arkansas, and even hosted our monthly meeting over zoom.  Nonetheless, this trip did give a lot of rest, encouragement and fellowship.  It was a blessing to see so much of our country!

Janelle and Walter,  Columbus, Ohio

At Lake Erie, in New York state

The Atlantic Ocean, Ogunquit, Maine

Vermont State Capitol, Montpelier, VT

New England fall foliage

New England fall foliage 

Lake Willoughby,  VT

     Of course, even more than the scenery, we loved the fellowship with our friends and ministry partners.

     Toward the end of our time up north, we were encouraged by our friends in Vermont to go up into Quebec, Canada.  

     "But we no longer have valid passports," we explained.  Both of us had them in the past, but they're long-expired.

     "Neither do we," our friends explained,  "but if you have the enhanced driver's license, Canada will count it as a passport.  We just did a trip recently."  

     Hmm, I thought, I have the Real ID.  I knew all 50 states now issued this higher-security driver's license, and it was required for certain things now, but I didn't realize it worked as a passport into Canada.  What a fun idea, to run up into Quebec when we were so close!  I had not been outside the United States since my mission trip to Zambia the summer of 2000.  

     Walter and I decided to go for it!  We drove up to the border.  I was reminded of my favorite book God's Smuggler,  where Brother Andrew shared his exploits in sneaking Bibles across borders (even though you don't have to sneak Bibles between the US and Canada!).  

     When it was our turn, we drove up and presented the friendly Canadian border guard with our licenses.  We explained that we were just going shopping and then coming back into the US.  He happily let us drive into his country.  And just like that, we were in Quebec!

     It was kind of surreal, realizing, I'm in Canada!  We did some shopping, and admired more autumn foliage.

      About an hour later, we decided it was time to get back into Vermont, USA.  But we had a surprise.  Crossing back into the United States was much harder than crossing into Canada!  We gave the American guard our Real ID driver's licenses, and he told us that the Real ID is not the same thing as an enhanced license!  Only 5 states offer enhanced licenses, which can be used as passports into Canada, but our state of Arkansas is not one of them!  Technically,  the Canadian guard shouldn't have let us into Canada.  But he did.  Now, we weren't sure if we were going to be allowed back into the US!  

     We were detained at the customs office on the border.  It was like waiting at the DMV or some other government agency.  Even though we were mildly concerned, we felt the urge to crack up, as you can see in the picture (the window behind makes it look like we are outside,  but we were sitting in the office).  I'm not even sure what country we were technically in, since it was right on the border. 

     As soon as we took the picture,  we were told to put our phones away, which we did, but we were not told to erase the picture, so we didn't.  

     It was a half-hour wait, just sitting there.  They never called Walter up, but they summoned me a few times to ask me questions.  We determined that it took as quickly as it did because we both had US passports before, and they were able to trace them, but it took as long as it did because my former passport was under my maiden name, and I have no legal documentation that I keep on my person with my maiden name, so tracing mine took longer.  But finally, they determined that we were who our Arkansas drivers licenses said we were, and they let us into our country!

     As we drove back into Vermont, we both laughed hard, a result of the nervous tension, I'm sure.  We were so thankful to be in our nation.   It was a reminder to never take our US citizenship for granted.  It was a little alarming to realize how easy it was to get into Canada without being Canadian citizens, and how hard it was to get into the US as American citizens.

     More basically to the point, we learned that Real ID's (which all 50 states have) are not valid as international passports.   If you're like I was, and didn't really know, with all these new things coming out that we've had to get, now you know!  Make sure you have the right documentation for what you want to do.  Walter and I innocently misunderstood, but it could have been serious.  

     We are told in Luke 14:28, For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does no first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?  This applies to our Christian lives, as well as just practical decisions, like taking a quick trip to Canada! That is the greatest reminder and lesson from this trip.  Blessings!

And he loved her

      What passage has helped you through a confusing time in your life?  Is there any verse or chapter out of the Bible that really stands out, that God used to encourage and direct you?  

     Right now, my husband and I are in the process of adopting, and it is a waiting game.  Since we are adopting through the Cherokee Nation, that narrows the possible children down from the amount we would have if we were going through the foster system (and we don't knock any system.  We just feel led this direction).  But is there more we're supposed to do?  Should we change some of our criteria for children we could care for?  Should we go through a different agency?  Or are we doing all we can, and it's up to God now?

      At an earlier time in life (and I have many friends who have struggled with this as well, and some still are), I really waited on the Lord in the area of singleness/marriage.  Was I supposed to take action?  Was I supposed to be totally passive?  Did I need to leave the church I was at and join one with more available men?  I got so much advice, and it left me dizzy and discouraged.  What was I really supposed to do?

     Waiting for marriage, or waiting for adoption may not be your areas of struggle and waiting, but you surely have something in your life that you haven't been sure how to pursue.  

     One passage that has really encouraged me in these times of waiting and wondering about decisions has been Genesis 24.  It greatly encouraged me about waiting for my husband, but also encourages me in every other area.  There is so much we learn about God, ourselves, and what we're supposed to do in this chapter, and it's a lot easier than all the advice everyone gives us!  Let's take a look.

1) God's direct, angelic guidance

     This chapter starts with Abraham as an elderly man.  He is concerned about his son Isaac, who is not yet married.  Abraham wants Isaac to marry a godly woman with whom he can continue God's chosen people for another generation.  So what does Abraham do?  He calls his servant (whose name is never given to us) and asks him to go back to his home country to find a wife for Isaac.  The servant has some questions (which I'll come back to).  Abraham gives his servant assurance of the promise God has given him, and tells him that God's angel will guide him in this endeavor.  ...he shall send his angel before thee, and thou shalt take a wife unto my son from thence. (verse 7).  This should give a biblical basis for the fact that God directly guides our lives.  

     To quote Benjamin Franklin, God governs in the affairs of man.  I hasten to add that Benjamin Franklin wasn't a born-again Christian, but he was a God-fearer, and this statement is scriptural.  We see all through the Bible how God directly intervenes in the lives of people.  A lot of Christians I know almost remind me of the Deists in early America--those who believe God set the world in motion, but hasn't been involved since.  These Christians theoretically believe God is involved, but they just take a passive approach to life, and never seek God's guidance.  They fail to see the connection between what is happening in their lives and what is happening in the spiritual realm, what God may be doing.  That is a very one-dimensional way to live.  No thank you!  

     We see other passages where God speaks about guiding us directly.  Psalm 32:8 says, I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.  Isaiah 30:21 says, And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.  In the New Testament, we are told that the Holy Spirit guides us into all truth (John 16:13).  God is perfectly able to guide us, and He will if we're able to listen and obey.  

Your efforts are your responsibility, but the results are not.

     As Abraham instructed his servant, he servant asked questions (again, I will touch on that in the next point).  As I read his dialog with Abraham, it seems to me that he was concerned about where his responsibility ended.  If the girl he met wasn't willing to return with him to Canaan, was he supposed to bring Isaac back to Abraham's home country?  Abraham quickly assured him this wasn't the case, and told him in verse 8: if the woman will not be willing to follow thee, then thou shalt be clear from this my oath...

     Abraham told the servant what he expected of him, and once he had done all he'd been asked, his job was done.  Abraham recognized that this servant had no control over other people.  There is a very limited number of things we can control.  There are a few more things we can control if other people cooperate with the way we want it done.  But God is the only one ultimately in charge.  We can't control the outcome.  We can just do what we've been given to do.  This is true in all areas of our lives.  Christians are called to share the gospel (Mark 16:15, ...Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation.).  But we are never commanded to save anyone.  In fact, Acts 2:47 assures us: And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.  God does the work in hearts and lives.  We are the obedient messengers.  That is all we are called to do, in all things.  

     In applying this passage to my past experience of wondering if I was called to leave my church and go to a larger one with more men, I can see that I was simply called to obey God's leading in my life (which was to serve in the church He had led me to) and let Him do the rest.  I'm not advocating passivity. I'm not encouraging us to be complacent.  We should seize every opportunity God gives us.  But we also shouldn't allow ourselves to be pressured into pursuing something that takes us out of God's specific will for us.  Ephesians 5:17 says, Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.  

Get specific 

     I've heard some Christians talk about God's "sovereign will" or His "permissive will" to explain the unexplainable.  There is truth to that.  We can't understand all of God's ways and workings.  Isaiah 40:13 says, Who has measured the Spirit of the LORD, or what man shows him his counsel?  

     However, having said that, we also need to realize that we can seek God specifically, and we should.  We already saw how God wants to lead and guide us.  Knowing this about our God, we can ask Him the specific questions.  We can do the same with the people in our lives.  Abraham's servant asked very specific questions of Abraham (verse 5).  He wanted to make sure he was doing right.  It is good and right to confirm what we're supposed to be doing.  

     After he had directions from his master Abraham, the servant didn't just stop there.  He sought the Lord for very specific guidance.  He knew he had a big job to do, and needed God's help.  In verses 12-14, the servant puts what we would call a fleece before the Lord (but it wouldn't have been called a fleece, because that terminology is in reference to Gideon, who sought God's guidance in Judges 6--many years after this narrative in Genesis).  The servant asked God for very specific confirmation about the right woman that He intended to be Issac's wife.  He asked that this woman would offer to water his camels after he asked for a drink for himself.  This servant was truly seeking God's will, and God honored that.  

     Some people doubt the wisdom of putting out a fleece (again, the term is in reference to a much later story).  I think it's something to be careful about.  Even when Gideon asked for his fleece in the book of Judges, he wasn't totally convinced of God's will, and had to ask for additional confirmation.  By contrast, I believe Abraham's servant was truly seeking God in faith.  That's the example for us.  If your heart is to really know and do the will of God, God will guide.  Jeremiah 29:13 tells us, You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.  How do you know when you're seeking with all your heart?  Is it a feeling you're supposed to get?  Is it when you get some result?  I believe this is when you truly want God's will above all else, and are committed to obeying in faith whatever God shows you.  19th century evangelist and orphanage director George Mueller prayed that his heart would get to the point that it had no will of its own.  He said,  Nine-tenths of the difficulties are overcome when our hearts are ready to do the Lord's will, whatever it may be.  Surrender is the key.

God is glorified, and a soul is saved.     

     We know very little about this mysterious servant.  But we can see that he earnestly wanted to do right.  In verse 12, the servant referred to the Lord as Abraham's God, and yet had enough faith in his master's God to seek His will and make a specific request.  He acted in faith, even if he wasn't claiming God for his own Savior yet.  In verse 21, after Rebekah meets the criterion he had just prayed for, the servant takes it all in, to see if God was really doing this.  In verse 26, he then worshipped the Lord.  God had glorified Himself in the eyes of this man.  In verse 27, he again refers to Him as Abraham's God.  He also does this as he recounts the story to Rebekah's family.  However, in verse 52, after Rebekah's family has given him their blessing, he again worships God, and in verse 56, he simply calls God The Lord, saying ...the Lord hath prospered my way...

     We don't know this man's real story of faith.  Perhaps he already believed and feared the true God, but used the terms "Abraham's God" as a formality, but this story seems very much like his own personal salvation story.  He saw the power of Abraham's God.  He sought God's guidance, then rejoiced when he received it.  He claimed God as the Lord.  If nothing else, this man definitely grew in faith through seeing God work in this situation.  When God works, it brings people to Himself.  As He works out His will in your life, others who see what He does will glorify God too!  

     After Jesus had raised Lazarus from the dead (a major miracle in anyone's book), we are told in John 11:45, Therefore many of the Jews who had come to visit Mary, and had seen what Jesus did, believed in him.  After the earthquake that opened the prison doors in Acts 16 (yet none of the prisoners had escaped), the Philippian jailer recognized God at work, and immediately asked, Sirs, what must I do to be saved? (verse 30). Seeing an act of God brings people to faith in Him!  

Diligence pays off

     Rebekah knew nothing about the fervent prayers of the servant, but she offered to water his camels (verse 19).  This went beyond the social expectation of the day.  This was not a simple task of filling a water dish for a pet.  In verse 10, we are told that the servant had taken ten of Abraham's camels.  Some believe Rebekah would have had to draw somewhere between 140 and 250 gallons of water from the well, and possibly taken hours.  This was all for someone she didn't even know.  She worked hard, and was richly rewarded for it! 

     While we are completely dependent on God's guidance and action in our lives, we can still work hard and be diligent people as we wait.  We are told in Colossians 3:23-24, And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.  Rebekah certainly got that reward, and we can too.  By being diligent, we are often playing right into God's plan, just as Rebekah was without knowing it.

  Rebekah made a choice

     Abraham's servant was given the blessing by Rebekah's family, but Rebekah was still consulted.  Verse 58 says,  And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go.  We have choices to make.  That is why we need to be seeking God in our own lives every day, so we discern whether an opportunity presented to us is of Him.  We need to first of all be choosing God's will for our lives, and within the larger context of that, we need to make good decisions, using what we know about God's word, and how the Holy Spirit is leading us specifically.  

    One of my favorite verses about decision-making is Proverbs 3:5-6, Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.  God guides our decisions.  This is especially true for those of us who have the Holy Spirit inside of us.  We need to ask Him to be the Lord of our choices, and He will.  

And He loved her

     This is my very favorite part of all of this!  Rebekah goes with Abraham's servant back to Canaan.  When she sees Isaac, he seems to have caught her attention, because in verse 65, she asked who he was, and when the servant told her, she put on her bridal vail.  It isn't too difficult to imagine an attraction there!   And we don't have to imagine how Isaac felt about her.  The servant told Isaac how everything had transpired, and we are told in verse 67 (the final verse in the chapter): And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.  

     This is the first time in scripture (and therefore in history) that it actually mentions a man loving a woman.  This isn't to say that Adam didn't love Eve, or that Noah didn't love his wife, or that Abraham didn't love Sarah.  I believe they all did.  But Isaac and Rebekah's story was a true romance, and it all came about by God's guidance. I think it is the most romantic story in the Bible, and when I was single, I had a little Bible crush on Isaac!  He was the only patriarch who was a one-woman man...because "he loved her."  

     Also worth noting, Rebekah was a comfort to Isaac after he lost his mother.  Part of love involves heartwarming comfort. 

     We don't even know if Isaac was aware that the servant was trying to find him a wife.  And that's a lesson for us.  God is often at work orchestrating things when we have no idea.  

Summing it all up

     There's a lot in this passage, particularly about God's guidance. It is probably understandable why this passage helped me as I waited on God for my husband, since it is about Isaac and Rebekah's marriage.  But it can be applied to all areas of life.  We need to seek God's guidance, like Abraham's servant did.  Don't feel pressured to take things into your own hands.  Let God show you what He wants you to do, and obey Him.  

     So what can we do?  A Bible study leader I had many years ago used to encourage us to ask God to give us a glimpse into what He was doing.  I believe that is equivalent to what the servant did.  Ask God to give you that glimpse.  He does, if you are truly seeking Him and His will for you.  He often gave those glimpses to the Apostle Paul (this post is long enough, but if you want references, check out Acts 16:9-10; Acts 18:10, Acts 27:23-24), and He gave a very big glimpse to John (the book of Revelation).  He will instruct you and teach you.  Your job is to obey Him to the best of your ability, and then sit back and enjoy the ride!

Secret Spy

     "Janelle is going to share with us today," Mr. Johnson announced to the class full of eager second-graders.  I nervously walked to the front of the room.  Mr. Johnson had done a brief Bible story for the kids, and now he was asking me to come up.  

     I say this as if Mr. Johnson forced it on me.  He didn't.  In fact, I had requested it.  Not so much because I wanted to.  It was more a matter of not being able not to do it.  I was going into my freshman year of high school, and something about me was changing.  I had a passion to tell people about Christ.  I had to witness to people.  I couldn't not do it!  

Me, that fateful summer of 1996.  This picture was taken right around the same time as the VBS.  I was 14, and had no idea what I was getting myself into!

     Even at the time, I noticed that very few children's ministry curriculum focused specifically on evangelism.  Children could go to the same church for years and never really get a clear gospel presentation.  They could come in lost, and leave knowing all kinds of facts about God, but still be just as lost.  I had a passion to share Christ and His life-giving salvation with these children at Vacation Bible School.  I had asked Mr. Johnson before class if I could witness to them, and he had happily agreed.  I think it tickled him to see a teenager wanting to do this.  

    As I stood before these seven-year-olds, this power suddenly filled the room.  I can't account for it, except that it was the Lord.  As I shared the gospel with them (our sin, Christ's sacrifice, man's response), the words flowed from me effortlessly, and doing it was joyful.  I knew I was saying what God wanted me to say.  It was as if I just had to get it out, and couldn't have kept it in much longer.  

     As I wrapped it up, I asked if anyone there wanted to receive Christ.  Several hands went up.  I wasn't really prepared for what to do once it got to this point.  I wanted to take them away to a quieter place without distractions, so I said for everyone who wanted to receive Christ to follow me.  Those who had raised their hands stood up and followed me out of the room.  I took them outside, and as I did, we ran into the children's ministry director Angie* (not her real name).  I quickly explained to her that these kids wanted to be saved.  I asked if she could get David* one of the other kids in the youth group who was spiritually mature enough to help me.  Angie ran and retrieved David from the class he was helping in.  I left the boys with him, and I took the girls around the corner to talk with them.  When we finished, and they had received Christ, I walked back to David, and he was just wrapping up.  I felt good.  David was very excited.  God had just done something.

     Angie had a nervous smile.  She told me that I shouldn't have taken the girls around the corner like that.  She added, "Someone could say something."  I was fourteen, and had no idea what she meant.  From an adult viewpoint, I know she meant that a child could lie and make an accusation.  I realize that now.  Our ministry today has a lot of training and policies in place for protection.  But I was fourteen, and had a PG-rated mind.  I just nodded my head, as if I agreed.  I had the feeling Angie wasn't really that thrilled with the salvations.  She seemed as if she were just barely humoring me.  This kind of gospel presentation wasn't part of the VBS plan, and I was stirring things up.  

     Before I go on, I need to point out that the church's lack of care or planning for salvations was the real problem here.  I was sharing the gospel, which is the whole point of VBS!  I might not have done everything perfectly, but their lack of planning for this was to blame.  If evangelism were part of their priorities, they would have trained all of us on where to take kids who wanted to make a decision.  It wouldn't have been up to the discretion of a teenager on the spur of the moment.  

This picture was taken a few months later.  My illusions of how the world worked had been shattered.  I was also now aware of my calling.

     The next day, I presented the gospel again, and more kids wanted to receive Christ.  I knew I wasn't allowed to take them behind the building, but I didn't really know where, so I just took them outside.  Angie saw me, and started yelling at me in front of the kids, telling me I hadn't listened to her.  I felt very confused and ashamed, but I left those feelings aside for the moment and just asked her where I could take them.  She let me share with them in the hall.  It was kind of hard, because people were walking by, and it was very distracting.  

     My "radical" evangelism reached the pastor's ears, and he was apparently very concerned about it.  He told Mr. Johnson I wasn't allowed to witness anymore.  The reason he gave was that I was too young.  I did not know this at the time.  Mr. Johnson was put in a moral dilemma, but he chose to let me continue sharing every day.  He felt kids getting saved was more important than the pastor's preferences.  All in all, 14 kids got saved in our class for the week.  Angels rejoiced, and new names were written in the Lamb's Book of Life.  I have no regrets.  I ran into some of the kids around town after VBS, and they would ask me to share the gospel with their friends who were with them.  It was like I had a sign on my back that said "Ask me to tell you about Jesus."  I couldn't have stopped if I wanted to. 

     The pastor, displeased with Mr. Johnson and with me, kicked us all out of the church.  In talking with my dad, he said we weren't welcome because I was "too different."  That is absolute malarkey.  It was hard, because I was at an age when acceptance means everything, and I was being rejected in a place where I should have found acceptance and love.  A good pastor would be proud of a teenager who wanted to witness.  I deeply internalized what happened, and it hurt badly.  Mr. Johnson wrote me a letter, telling me I had done a wonderful job for the Lord and encouraging me to be a missionary.  That was a light in the midst of a dark time.  

     Even though it took me many years to understand what had happened and sort it all out, I did realize at the beginning that the gospel was a powerful weapon, and some people were threatened by it, even some Christians.  

     The next year, I became a summer missionary with the Christian Youth in Action program.  Life moved forward.  I knew I wanted to do evangelism and ministry.  Nothing else hit the spot for me deep inside.  And, as I said, I couldn't not do it.  

One of my mission trip groups.

     I got my first job right out of high school, at a church-based day care center.  They had a preschool program, and also had before and after-school care for Kindergarten-6th graders.  My first day in the classroom with the elementary kids, I was asked to do a Bible lesson.  I knew immediately what I would do!  I shared the gospel. I told the children about God's love, our sin, and what Jesus had done for us.  I then said, "Because of what Jesus did, you and I can have our sins forgiven."  I read Acts 16:31, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved...  Before I could say another word, an 8-year-old named Michaela asked earnestly, "Can I do that right now?"  Several others also said they wanted to.  I was able to lead 14 children to the Lord that day.  Well, they didn't stay silent about their new faith.  They went home and witnessed to their parents.  They witnessed to other kids in the program.  More and more were getting saved. It seemed like daily, and I was reminded of Acts 2:47, And the Lord added to their numbers daily such as were being saved.  It was miraculous.  I saw children as young as four recognized their sin and need of Christ.  

These were among the first to receive Christ at that job.  It has been many years, and they are adults now, but I know I'll see them in Heaven.

     This did not go unnoticed,  My boss Paula* approached me one day and asked to talk to me.  I could tell this wasn't good.  It turns out, one of the children had attempted to witness to her.  Paula told me I reminded her of the former janitor.  She paused and said thoughtfully, "It's probably his doing that you're here."  I didn't know what that meant at first. 

     She went on to explain that this janitor was a really strong Christian, and was always telling the kids about Jesus.  He gave them fun tracts and Bible verses, and the kids all loved him (I gathered the staff did not).  When his job transferred him to another location to clean, he told Paula he would continue to pray for them.  Upon hearing this, I became convinced his prayers brought me there to continue sharing the gospel that he had started.  I knew at that moment that if I left, God would bring someone else.  God was doing something here.  This place, even though it was affiliated with a Christian church, was resistant to the gospel.  They were into little Bible stories, but nothing too spiritual.  

    My boss forbade me from continuing to witness to the kids.  And then, the interview was over, as quickly as it had started.  I was nineteen years old, and was facing a moral dilemma.  Was I supposed to obey my boss, or did I continue sharing the gospel?  Well, the short answer (though I came to it after a lot of prayer and soul-searching), was that I was to obey God rather than my human boss.  Peter said as much in Acts 5:29, We must obey God rather than men.  

     At the time, I reached out to Christian friends for advice.  Some said I should just quit, if my boss was asking me to go against God.  Others said that, even if I couldn't openly witness, I could still live out my faith.  Neither of these answers struck me as what God would have me do.  That's the thing about a moral dilemma.  You have to decide for yourself.  These friends weren't giving me bad advice.  They were just sharing what their consciences would have led them to do.  It simply wasn't what I was called to do.  Without getting a lot of support, I quietly became a secret spy evangelist.  Out of everybody else in the world, I was the one God had put there, and I was answerable to Him.  This was the direction my conscience led me.  Romans 14:23 says, ...For whatever does not proceed out of faith is sin.  It would have been a sin for me to do anything else.  

More students I look forward to seeing in Heaven one day.

     I decided on a few things.  

1) If I was going to disobey my boss in this area (which I didn't take lightly), I needed to obey and be a model employee in every other area.  I vowed I would respect and honor her.  I refused to complain about her with other employees.  I would show her love in any way I could.  That was my first decision.  

2) Since my boss hadn't given me specifics on what I could or couldn't say (and it was a Christian place where talk about God and the Bible were allowed), I decided that if I got caught while quietly continuing to evangelize, I would plead ignorance.  

3) Instead of sharing with large groups of kids, I would share more one-on-one with individuals.

4) Since a lot of the kids were saved by this point, I would have them do as much of the evangelism as possible, because they couldn't get in trouble for it.  

5) I decided to say things to the kids that would provoke questions about Christ, which would then lead me to evangelize.  That way, if I got caught, I could honestly claim I was simply answering a question. 

6) Finally, I would form really good relationships with all the parents of our children, so that if anything ever came up, I would have them as allies.  That was my plan moving forward. 

     I continued to share the gospel with kids, and saw kids saved every week.  I was discrete.  I remember one Monday, I shared the gospel with a first grader named Michael as he played by himself in the sand.  He listened quietly, but didn't say anything.  I didn't ask for a decision.  The next day, I shared with him again, and again, he listened quietly.  I continued this all week.  Finally, on Friday, I decided he had heard it enough, and I decided to ask him if he wanted to receive Christ.  

     "Why should I do it now?" Michael asked when I proposed the idea of making a decision.  "I already did it on Monday, the first time you told me about it!"  

     God was truly at work.  

     Another little boy who attended the day care was a ten-year-old from a religiously-mixed family.  His mother was Jewish and his father was a nominal Christian.  They were open to all of it, and celebrated all holidays.  This boy was the class clown, and joked a lot during Bible time.  I decided to share the gospel with him one day.  He made jokes the whole time, and when I asked if he wanted to receive Christ, he laughed and said, "I don't need that!"  I shrugged and started to turn away.  I got about two steps when he said, "Wait, come back!  

     "Yes?"

     "I really do need Jesus.  Will you help me?"  

     Angels rejoiced that day as this boy placed his faith in Jesus!  The last thing he ever said to me when I left that job a year later to pursue missions was, "I'm so glad I'm going to Heaven!"  I was very glad I had disobeyed my boss and continued sharing.  This was worth it. 

     Stories like this were happening all the time.  Daily, I would go on a walk during my lunch break.  There was a hill behind the school, where I could go up and look down at the children on the playground (but they couldn't see me), and I would pray for them.  I would pray for protection, and I asked God to blind Paula's eyes to what I was doing, until the time came that she needed to know.  I somehow knew that one day, she would know.  I would have my reckoning.

     I went full-time into a ministry organization (the one I currently serve with, in fact).  I was serving in my home area, and I had the opportunity to do a 5-day Bible Club at my old job.  Paula seemed very open to having us, but she wasn't in the classroom while we taught.  I kind of knew I was still walking on thin ice. 

     On Thursday of that week, I was reading in my quiet time from Acts 7, about the stoning of Stephen.  I was struck by verse 55, where Stephen looked up and saw Jesus standing at the right hand of God, just before he died.  It was as if the Holy Spirit were saying to me, "Look to Me today, and you won't feel the stones."  Somehow, I knew the jig was up.  I had my reckoning.

    When we arrived at the day care for the Bible Club, Paula asked to speak with me.  She was very nervous and told me she knew that I had done a salvation invitation the previous day.  She told me emphatically, "You worked here years and years, and you know we never, ever do that!"  

     The only thing I could think to say in that moment was, "You know, isn't this a Christian school?"  

     Before more could be said, someone called Paula away, and she had to leave the conversation.  We did our club as usual, but as soon as we ended for the day, I found Paula, and we had a talk.  She voiced her real concerns with me, and I was able to listen.  I had prepared to share a certain verse with her, but the Lord took that out of my mind, and instead, I found myself saying, "In a thousand years, it won't matter if someone disagrees with what we're doing, but it will matter greatly if someone receives Christ."  

     The look in Paula's eyes changed to one of clarity.  She was hearing me.  The Lord was at work.  She said, "You're right!  Oh my goodness.  We need what you're doing!  What if one of these kids got in a car accident and died!  I would be so happy you were here sharing Jesus with them!  You can come back any time you want."  

     It was this instantaneous change.  I had never before seen that, nor have I since.  For years, I went back to this school and did ministry.  Paula is now a supporter of my husband and me in our ministry.  

     After reading this, you can probably understand (as I had shared in recent posts) why the Bible Smuggler Brother Andrew was my hero.  We have to share the gospel.  We have to obey God rather than man.  Every situation is different.  For a while, I worked for a more secular organization, and in that situation, I didn't feel propelled to sneak the gospel in directly (though there were ways I was able to minister and get truth across).  

     I'd like to make two points:  

     1) Stories like what I've shared in this blog are why I just can't agree with people who say that American Christians have never experienced persecution.  I'm not in any way comparing what I went through to people who worship Jesus under communism, or in Islamic nations.  I'm not saying that.  But I am reserving the right to disagree with the popular consensus that Christians in the US (and other Western Nations) haven't experienced persecution.  Second Timothy 3:12, Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.  No matter what nation you are in, living for Jesus goes against the grain, even in some churches and Christian organizations.  It isn't always being fed to the lions.  It isn't always being imprisoned.  Sometimes, it's having your job threatened.  Sometimes, it's being totally misunderstood and maligned by those who know better (such as my pastor when I was fourteen).  Sometimes, it is losing relationships (which I did in some respects through these experiences--I didn't have time to elaborate on those aspects of it here).  

     2) The final point I'll draw here is that most of the resistance I have experienced for sharing the gospel has been from fellow Christians (or at least those who claimed to be).  It has been from the organized church.  In fact, as I type this, I am awaiting a confrontational meeting I have been summoned to, which will take place later today with a fellow Christian who is unhappy with the evangelism I have been doing (this person is not part of the ministry we serve with, but is part of something I volunteer with).  It will be over by the time you read this.  I am not looking forward to this meeting, but I know that Jesus goes before me.  I know that Matthew 10:19-20 reminds me, do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.  So why do Christians oppose ministry?  We expect it from the world, but why would the church (collectively) be against sharing the gospel?  

     Believe it or not, Jesus warned about it.  John 16:2-3 says, They shall put you out of the synagogues: yea, the time cometh, that whosoever killeth you will think that he doeth God service. And these things will they do unto you, because they have not known the Father, nor me.  Jesus was warning the disciples of the persecution that would come from those who claimed to know and speak for God.  As you read the book of Acts, you'll notice that it was the established religious community that gave the apostles the most trouble (not 100%, but a lot).  And this passage from Jesus in John 16 tells us why these professing believers will do this.  They don't really know God or Jesus.  This isn't to say that these church people who are resistant to evangelism are all unsaved, or that they're only pretending to be Christians.  I happen to believe every oppositional person I mentioned in this post was saved. I do not doubt their salvation.  However, I do believe that this verse is saying that when they objected to evangelism, they were not acting in according with God's will.  Their priorities in this situation were not in line with God's.  

     I find a lot of American churches (and this is probably true many places, I just happen to live in the US, so I can speak for my own country) say they want the gospel to go forth, and yet they don't really have a systematic way to present clearly.  I see Vacation Bible Schools that focus on cute skits and crafts, but only have one Gospel presentation during the week (usually Wednesday or Thursday), and some kids don't attend that day. They miss out on the gospel.  If church leaders really want salvation to happen, they need to be intentional about it, so a 14-year-old doesn't have to try to fit it in.  We should be sharing the gospel daily.  Every Sunday,  Ever Wednesday night.  Every day of VBS.  We can't afford to let opportunities pass us by!  But since the gospel isn't a very high priority in many of these ministries, when someone comes in and shares it within the gospel-less curriculum, it stirs everyone up and people get concerned.  This has been my experience.  

     God has challenged me with Second Timothy 4:2a,5, preach the word; be ready in season and out of season...always be sober-minded,  endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.

     Doing secret spy evangelism (or any other kind of evangelism) goes against the grain.  Are you willing to go against the grain for God?  I can't imagine what Christians in closed nations go through--the anxiety of having their welfare threatened for the sake of Christ.  And yet I doubt many of them can imagine Christians in "free" nations being rebuked, not by the government, but by their pastor, their Christian boss, their Sunday school superintendent.  The psychological and spiritual abuse "free" Christians endure is just another kind of persecution, straight from Satan.  But we are to take heart, and follow the example of the apostles, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name.  (Acts 5:41).  No matter where on earth you live, you will ruffle feathers.  Are you willing?