The very first step is to face the denial we've been living in. We humans are masters at denial--subconsciously repressing truths that seem too painful to face. In the long run, though, denial creates more trouble than it solves. Here are six results of denial:
1) We are enslaved
While they promise them liberty, they themselves are servants of corruption. For of whom a man is overcome, of the same is he bought in bondage. Second Peter 2:19
2) Anxiety
Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? Psalm 42:5a
3) Hinders Growth
He that covered his sins shall not prosper...Proverbs 28:13
4) Hurts our effectiveness for Christ
God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth. First John 1:5b-6
5) Alienates us from others
When I remember these things, I pour out my soul in me; for I had gone with the multitude, I went with them to the house of God, with the voice of joy and praise, with a multitude that kept holyday. Psalm 42:4
6) Prolongs the agony
When I kept silence, my bones waxed old through my roaring all the day long. Psalm 32:3
Remember, you are only as sick as your secrets. We mistakenly believe that denial shields us from pain. However it does just the opposite. Check out what happens when we come out of denial and confess it:
...whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy. Proverbs 28:13b
One secret I used to have was that, in order to cope, I daily consumed 204 milligrams of caffeine. Very few people see caffeine as a real problem, but for me, it was a coping mechanism. The chemical addiction was real, as well as the association with feeling good inside. I was pleasuring myself, filling a void. For me, caffeine was destructive. For most, it isn't. Another secret was that my emotional wellbeing was dependent on other people.
Your secret might be very different. Here are some questions to consider:
1) What are some things in your life you have control over? Is it your time? Your habits? Your responses? Food and drinking? Relationships? Or are some of those things beyond your control? Think about that?
2) What are some things in your life you cannot control? There are two categories here. There are areas in life that you should control, but don't. Maybe it is substance abuse. Maybe it is unhealthy, enmeshed relationships. Maybe it is out-of-control emotional responses. Maybe it's something else entirely. For all of that, there is hope. There was for me. It has been ten years since I had my last caffeine. My wellbeing is now attached to my relationship with the Lord.
Also, though, there is a second category to consider as far as things you can't control. There are some things in your life you were never meant to control, but might try to, such as other people, world events, or other situations where the buck doesn't stop with you. Maybe you subconsciously see these things as an extension of yourself, like I have at different times. Learning to let go of these things is the beginning of freedom.
Considering these questions, we must conclude that in certain areas, our lives are out of bounds and unmanageable. We are not God. We are incapable of controlling our tendency to do the wrong thing. We are powerless, but we have a powerful God.
The next few posts, I'm going to be building on this, working toward freedom and wholeness. The first move is stepping out of denial into realization of the truth. Psalm 51:6 says, Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts... John 8:32 says, And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
Facing the truth can be scary. I was worried I would discover terrible things about myself. The truth is, the good you will discover far outweighs the uncomfortable parts. You will see yourself as a beloved child of God, with strengths and gifts He wants to use for His kingdom. You will revisit past hurts, and be able to grieve once and for all. You will face some faults in yourself, and see how God can give you victory over them. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13.
Until next time, I'm going to give some food for thought, as well as some promises to get you through.
First, here are some questions to consider. Try to be honest with yourself. You might even want to write these out in a journal.
1) As a child, what coping skill did you use to get attention or protect yourself?
2) In what ways have you succeeded and used your gifts? In what ways have you struggled?
3) How do you handle pain and disappointment?
4) Who or what do you resent?
5) How have you tried to escape pain?
6) Where do you find hope?
7) What do you believe about God? What are some of His characteristics?
8) How has relying on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5) caused problems in your life?
9) What do you fear turning over to God?
10) What is a major concern in your life right now?
I'll close with the promises. These promises are only available to believers, so if you are a Christian, you can claim them.
1) God's grace is enough for you (Second Corinthians 12:9)
2) God delights in you (Psalm 18:19)
3) Delighting in Him will bring your heart's desires (Psalm 37:4)
4) Your sins have been removed from you as far as the East is from the West (Psalm 103:12)
5) The best is yet to come (First Corinthians 2:9)
6) Nothing can separate you from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39)
7) You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you (Philippians 4:13)
8) You are more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37)
9) God will renew your strength (Isaiah 40:30-31)
10) God will continue the good work He began in you (Philippians 1:6)
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